5.1.19

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05.01.2019 • WedneSday • M 1

ST. LOUIS POST-dISPaTCH • EV3

EVERYDAY

WHAT’S THE DIFF?

DEAR ABBY

She’s trapped in sham marriage Dear Abby • I’m married to a man 21 years my senior. “Joe” and I have been married six years. I have recently realized I’m gay and have fallen in love with another woman. Joe has a hard time making decisions on his own. He’ll read something, hand it to me and ask me what I think. God forbid you challenge an opinion he DOES have. Over the course of our marriage, he has become “crotchety” and burned all his bridges. He got fired from his job three years ago and has never actively tried to find another one. I have carried the family on my own financially. He literally has no one but me. He’s past retirement age, and I’m half that. I have more life to live being who I really AM, but I feel guilty leaving him high and dry. I love my girlfriend. I want to be out and proud. — Trapped in California Dear Trapped • Before telling

your husband anything, discuss this with a divorce lawyer. Leaving him may be complicated because you have been his sole support for a while. Once you know what your financial responsibilities may be, you will be in a better position to give your husband the news. When you do, a way to start would be to tell him you have realized that you are a lesbian. Dear Abby • My boyfriend, “Mason,” and I have been dating for eight months, and it has been going well. However, there is one thing standing in our way — his mom and sisters. Mason is the only boy. His parents divorced when he was young. His mom never remarried, but his father did. His two sisters (one older, one younger) don’t have boyfriends. The three of them make comments whenever Mason and I go out — that he’s spending too much money or isn’t at home enough. It’s like they’re obsessed with him.

They plan vacations while I’m around and don’t invite me. I haven’t been invited over for holidays or family functions. I love Mason, but I can’t continue dealing with the nonsense from his jealous mom and sisters. Mason knows how upset I am. He says he has talked to them, but their behavior hasn’t changed. If he won’t take matters into his own hands, should I? — Competing in New Jersey Dear Competing • No! Until Mason is mature enough to put his foot down, his mother and sisters will continue to decide for him who he dates, how much time he spends with her and whether he is earning “enough” money to be seeing anyone. Remember, Mason will likely always be a package deal, and if you can’t accept it, you should end things. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

CAROLYN HAX

Meddling parents want son to marry Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn • My husband and I have a 34-year-old son who has been in a relationship with a woman for about seven years. About two years ago, he unceremoniously began referring to her as his “fiancee” and she began wearing a ring, so we asked if there was a wedding date planned. He bit our heads off about the “pressure” he was under to set a date and we dropped the subject. A few weeks after that, after a conversation with the woman about her wedding plans, we sent them a four-figure sum of money with a note indicating it should be used to help with wedding expenses. That was the last we heard of any wedding for the last two years. We don’t expect our money back — he’s our son; money flows in one direction and we have no misapprehensions about that — but we do feel mis-

led and are wondering what’s up. Is it appropriate to ask for more definitive information about whether he is going to marry this lovely woman we already consider family? Or would that be “pressure” in a category that makes us a meddling nuisance? — Meddling? Answer • Their not announcing an engagement and their not marrying and his not talking about it and his being rude about asking you not to talk about it seem awfully definitive to me. Why are you resisting this as a complete answer? They’re not getting married. It is going to stay that way unless and until your son comes to you and announces otherwise. There is obviously baggage here, both in this seven-year pairing and in his relationship with you — and not just because a one-direction possibly-big-

money flow to a 34-year-old arouses suspicions. Your son’s overreaction says there’s history. You also talked to the fiancee about the wedding after your son asked you to drop it, which means you didn’t actually drop it, you just moved it to someone else, and then changed your language from English to cash. That is overstepping. The best place for your energy, therefore, is not in pinning down a wedding date, but instead in figuring out what role you play in this baggage. Do you step in too quickly and too far, not just here, but as a rule? Is your son both dependent on and resentful of you? Is this stalled wedding a microcosm of your son’s stalled adulthood? The answer could be no, but it’s still a question worth asking yourself as you take care to leave your son’s business to him. tellme@washpost.com

TV WEDNESDAY For complete channels and 24-hour program information, customize your own TV listings at STLtoday.com/tv. 5/1/19

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FOX Empire Becky, Hakeem Star Carlotta makes a 2 discovery. (N) (cc) and Andre put on a show. (N) CBS Survivor: Awkward. 4 (N) (cc)

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SEAL Team The tenThe Amazing Race: Here Fishy, Fishy, Fishy. sions rise between Jason and Ray. (N) (N) (cc)

NBC Billboard Music Awards Honoring the year’s artists and more. (N) (cc) 5

NOVA: Building the PBS Nature Connections 9 between plants and ani- Great Cathedrals. Gothic cathedrals. mals. (N) CW 11

News 11 at 7:00PM (N) (cc)

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ABC The Gold- Schooled 30 bergs (N) (N) (cc) ION 46

Breakthrough: The Ideas That Changed the World (N) (cc)

Riverdale Betty learns Jane The Virgin: Chapsome unsettling news. ter Eighty-Seven. (N) (cc) (N) (cc) Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.

Hogan’s WKRP in Hogan’s Heroes (cc) Cincinnati Heroes: Heil Klink. (cc)

Modern Single Par- Whiskey Cavalier An Family (N) ents (8:31) unexpected murder shocks everyone. (N) (N)

Blue Bloods An underBlue Bloods A college Blue Bloods A cop is professor is murdered. accused of killing a sus- cover detective is killed. pect. (cc) (cc) (cc)

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