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4 April 2013

2 | News

USI: “Women are useless” USI President John Logue has become extremely well known in the national media, after embarrassing himself in front of the Dail earlier in the year and getting arrested in actions that Mick Wallace TD described as “feckin’ hilarious”. “Women are useless!” bellowed Logue into the microphone to thunderous applause from the audience in The Tobercurry Arms Hotel in Sligo. This marks the culmination of a bizarre turn of events in which the USI repealed its longstanding commitment to gender equality, instead opting for patriarchal student lobbying and “extra concessions for the lads”. Even Rory Dunne recently remarked: “John is no longer the man we all just used to enjoy laughing at, he is just a wreck. I thought I was bad, but this is just taking the piss...” “A CHAIRDE - A CHAIRDE, A DHAOINE UAISLE GO LEIR... Tåim lån såsta leis an bhfåilte atå tabhartha dom anseo anocht... tá sé seo lá mór le haghaidh ár náisiún táimid fir na

hÉireann agus Holy Communion mná, fir na hÉireann iontach agus mná atá Bent IRA ifreann ar an fuascailt ár ndaoine Connolly agus ár bpáistí, agus ár bpáistí leanaí agus ár bpáistí leanaí chlidren agus ár leanaí Which roughly translates as “Election victory we engage in this past evening. Fighting ensuing with rivals on election front of bitterness on which we have fought our rivals liberal for years. USI voted is for Students mandate of the island of this nation and John Logue I have seen yesterday year of Ireland Nation whereby traditions Catholic standby” The crowd seemed to be endeared by Logues appalling Gaeilge, with one particular boisterous group of farmers throwing bales of hay in Logue’s general direction in celebration. Logue had the Sligo crowd in tears as he went on to speak of his pride of the achievements as USI President: in his year-long tenure he has secured sponsorship from Topman and, of course, Midnight Promotions and women have

been fully encouraged to stay in the home by littering campuses with cans of Dutch and copies of FHM. This was all capped off by ill fitting tracksuit bottoms and GAA jerseys with obscenely high numbers on the back being made obligatory in all Irish college. Tears were seen streaming down the face of one 25-yearold mother of fifteen in the audience as Logue exclaimed; “Let’s return to de Valera’s Ireland, the Emerald Isle of yesteryear in which men were men and women were punchbags.” The party then moved to a muddy field where a DJ delighted crowds by spinning decks on the back of a truck blaring out such tunes as Bobby Joe, DJ Otzi, Ey Oh Captain Jack and on the stroke of midnight; Amhrán na bhFiann The USI is now focusing on its campaign to repeal the 1993 decriminalisation of homosexuality.

Piranha Issue 5  
Piranha Issue 5