Divorce: G ro w i n g Through It ..I can go through it or grow through it.. Pain. None of us like it. In fact, we try to avoid it at all cost. However, the pain of divorce is unavoidable. Even if you wanted the divorce there maybe a small part of you that wishes it could have workedout. If you are recently divorced or in the process, here are a few simple steps to help you grow through it. Steps to growing through a divorce:
1. Watch the self- talk
. Examine your views of yourself. Are you labeling yourself in a negative manner? Do you consider yourself a victim of divorce or a divorcee? Be careful of how you think about “self” because it can become the foundation of your identity. It is better to think of it as a learning experience and move forward with what you have learned. See yourself as a survivor of divorce or moving into a new chapter of your life.
2. Identify the positive.
Acknowledge the positive ways that you have grown through this difficult process. Perhaps, you have become more self-reliant and independent. You have begun to accomplish tasks that you previously thought were out of your capabilities such as balancing finances, living alone, or even changing a tire. Maybe you have begun making your needs a priority.You are taking more time to take care of yourself, how you look, and feel.
3. Analyze you.
Examine your own behaviors and identify areas where you would like to see development. No one is perfect and we can all improve ourselves. What behaviors do you recognize in yourself that contributed to the breakdown of the relationship(nagging, lying, disrespect, or lack of communication)? It’s important to work on yourself and your negative behaviors in order to develop into the healthy, whole person you desire to be. This will be beneficial in both your current and future relationships. Focus on shedding your previous negative behaviors and old baggage. There will be no room for baggage in your new healthier relationships.
4. Stop assuming.
Do not make overgeneralizations about others based on your experiences. Often after we have been hurt, we are left with scars and fears. We create a belief in our minds that we are destined to be hurt again. The reality is that getting hurt in a relationship is always a possibility, but it is important not to assume this outcome. There are good people, bad people, and good people that make bad decisions. Define what traits, behaviors, and qualities that you are looking for in your relationships. Identify if the person meets the majority of your values, standards, that their words and actions are consistent, and that they are genuine. Don’t forget, to take it slow. Remember you are constantly growing and evolving as a person. This is another event in your life that you can choose to simply get through or grow through. Choose to grow. Leticia Murphy
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist - Licensed Alcohol & Drug Counselor (702)275-0473 www.Leticiamurphytherapy.com
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