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M A G A Z I N E

Divorce Attorney Author TV Personality CEO of Divorcedating.com

Hope Prevails Styling Vegas The New Divorce The Perks of Testosterone Leveling The Playing Field Your Divorce Mission Statement


Message From The Publisher The “D” word, DIVORCE, entered my life ten years ago. I had exhausted all of my emotional resources to keep the marriage together, but there were no other options. From the moment I filed the divorce petition, I knew my life would never be the same again. My daughter and I became a team and we created a life that worked for us, even though it was not the “traditional” life we had anticipated. However, today I can share with you that we have never been happier! Now, it’s time to take my experience and empower people in the midst of divorce to create a new life and reinvent themselves. It is my hope that others can benefit from what I have learned. At Divorce 702 we have brought together a core panel of experts including Divorce Attorneys, relationship coaches, financial experts, interior designers, realtors, fitness experts and fashion consultants. These professionals have contributed to the effort of helping to guide you through the “difficult before”, “agonizing during” and “challenging after” stages of the divorce experience. Divorce 702 takes a unique legal and holistic approach to what is typically a nasty and contentious process. Our mission is to help men and women in transition to pick up the pieces of their lives and reweave them into the tapestry of a new life. Cynthia Spirlin, J.D.

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Contents Message from Publisher (3) Cover Story (6) Divorce & Technology (7) Recommended Reading (9) The New Divorce (12) The Perks of Testosterone (17)

Redefining Your Self and Your Space (21) 10 Questions to Ask (27) Reclaiming your Confidence (30) Divorce & Social Media (35) Your Divorce Mission Statement (40)

Staff/Contributors Cynthia Spirlin, J.D. PUBLISHER Lori Brown, EDITOR, STAFF WRITER Anette Lachowski, PUBLIC RELATIONS CONTRIBUTORS: Lori Brown

Dr. Jeffrey L. Brown Delia Knight Anette Lachowski Mandy McKellar, Esq. Diana Mercer, Esq. Mariah Walton Daphne Wayans

EDITORIAL: divorce702magazine@gmail.com ADVERTISING: cynthia@divorce702mag.com WEBSITE: www.divorce702magazine.com FAN PAGE: www.facebook.com/divorce702magazine DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014

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Hope Prevails! By: Anette Lachowski I arrived in Las Vegas almost 3 years ago now. At the time I was a military wife (British married to an American Airman). We have a beautiful daughter together, Gracie, who is now 6 years old. Gracie was born with Ventriculomegally, a condition of the brain that was diagnosed during my pregnancy. She was given 70% chance of severe to moderate disability, and at one point we even told she might not survive till full term. This devastated us. That, coupled with the long periods of absence and the big move of emigrating to the United States, gradually resulted in the eventual disintegration of our marriage, as happens to many couples married in the military unfortunately. The problem for me was that our separation happened five months after moving to Las Vegas. So when I realized I was alone, and at the time, fighting a bitter custody battle, I was desperate to return home. This had been agreed upon with my daughter’s father before leaving the UK. However, he “changed his mind” about this and I was no longer allowed to leave the country. Unfortunately for me, during a heated and very emotional confrontation I damaged his car and was completely beside myself! Well, later that night I heard a knock on the door and who was it but the police! My then husband had called the police, saying he was “concerned about me”, (not forgetting to mention the dent in his truck). Naïve to the law here I wrote in my statement what I had done and why, and was subsequently arrested and put in jail. I had a felony! I knew I had a felony because I had a red placed around my neck and one of my fellow cellmates dutifully explained to me what that meant.

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I remember her telling me I would probably be deported. Luckily for me I had recently paid of my credit cards in the UK and had those at the police station in holding. I called the only person I knew here and she spent two days trying to get me out. Eventually I was released after paying my $2500 bond by running my credit cards through at the bail bonds company. I had never heard of a bail bond before! Thinking it was finally over and I would get to see my daughter, my former husband took out a Protective Order against me. So I could not come within a certain distance of my home or have any contact with my daughter. I was devastated and could not understand why he was taking it so far. I missed my daughter like crazy and was sorry for losing my temper. Although now I know many people would have felt the same!

However, I had an apartment up for sale in the UK, and after being on the market for a year, it sold! As quickly as I could I went condo hunting with the small amount of equity I pulled out of it. I managed to find a condo for sale for the exact same amount of money I had made from the sale. I fought for that little condo, and with a lot of determination and hope I found myself with the keys a few weeks later! We had gone from having nowhere to live to owning our own place outright! As time went on I got better at my job and found myself with more hours. And, as luck would have it we were zoned for one of the best public elementary schools in Clark County too! I hadn’t had time to give that a thought, but I was SO grateful!

I had one place I could stay and that was at a mutual friend of ours home. All I remember was calling family and friends in the UK telling them how I now had a felony. I had to go to criminal court and then try to gain access to my daughter again. I barely slept for weeks and cried most of the time. I was probably in shock because I don’t remember much else, except that I would get these uncontrollable shakes and felt very alone and scared. I would not see my daughter for a very long time and the circumstance I found myself in just kept getting worse and worse! Luckily I had saved enough money to find a lawyer who would represent me, went to court and finally got the Protective Order dismissed. I gained supervised visits with my daughter, and eventually settled on joint custody. After a while this resulted in my having her the majority of the time. The downside at the time was that he would not allow me to leave the country with her. Since I could not drive, had no job and was still waiting for the legal documents to enable me to do so, I was rather stuck. Through the kindness of strangers, many of whom are now friends, a good lawyer and a wise judge I was awarded custody and a small amount of alimony for nine months. This gave me a timeline to pass my test, save for a car and find a job. I could not manage all of this in nine months, so we stayed with an old friend of mine. Me, along with my daughter, our dog and cat were all living in one rather tiny room. We were, in effect, homeless. I was able to find a job working on the strip as a blackjack dealer. But I was on call a lot and wasn’t making the money I needed to rent a home of our own.

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So, here we are, my daughter and I, three years later, in our own home. I managed to get a car with NO credit on ”’good faith”. Thank you car dealer! And I managed to pay that off too! I’m still working on building credit and getting financially stable, but I have my little girl and she is thriving! She has a ton of friends and so do I! Las Vegas embraced me with open arms when I had nothing and knew no one. It picked me up during a time I had lost everything. Call it luck, God, or just sheer determination, call it whatever you like. I adapted and changed to survive the situation I was in, and best of all, my daughter is doing better than I ever could have hoped. Gracie, by the way, has no disabilities. She is, in fact, two grades ahead in school for her age and is excelling academically at a vast rate. I am so proud of her! Not being able to return to the UK was the best thing that could have happened to us. I thank her father for two things, my beautiful daughter, and forcing me to develop the strength and courage to overcome my ordeal alone. It has been four years since I came here, and I am thrilled to report that I have since met and married a wonderful man!!

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Divorce Diva: Vikki S. Ziegler, Esq. We are proud and honored to feature Vikki S. Ziegler on the cover of our debut issue of Divorce 702 Magazine! She has contributed to top publications such as the Huffington Post, People Magazine, Ok!, US Weekly, and Life and Styles, as well as been quoted in the New York Times and Washington Times. Vikki S. Ziegler, Esq. is a multilayered talent: a practicing attorney of matrimonial law and civil litigation; a television personality known for her commentaries on high-profile cases, and the star of BRAVO TV’s hit show “Untying the Knot”. When couples go from “I do” to “I don’t,” Vikki Ziegler is their first call to mediate, advise and divide their assets out of court. Each episode of “Untying the Knot” features a different divorcing couple struggling to divvy up their belongings that range from dazzling diamonds to the family pets. Bringing together her insights as a divorce attorney, her childhood experience of her own parents’ divorce, and years of careful listening to clients and friends, Ziegler’s approach seeks to de-stigmatize divorce by allowing its empowering aspects to triumph. Why let a judge decide your fate when this “Divorce Diva” can cut through all the drama to determine who will get what? As an authoritative and motivational speaker, Ziegler shines. She has spoken on how to cope with the pressures of divorce, and is often called on to give her expert advice on television, radio, print and social media. Her vast media experience has made her a premiere legal expert throughout the country. When couples wed, they promise to stay together “till death do us part”—but in reality, almost 50% of marriages end in divorce. How can you beat the odds and successfully nurture a long-lasting, happy, and healthy relationship?

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Proper pre-marital planning is the answer, and Vikki Ziegler’s newest book ” The Pre-Marital Planner, A Complete Legal Guide to a Perfect Marriage” is the best place to start. There is plenty of wisdom here on how to facilitate discussion on every crucial pre-marital concern, from whether marriage is the right choice to whether or not to have children and what to do about money. Ziegler goes through the basic rules that must be followed to create a thriving union and discusses the important emotional attributes that keep a couple together. She also explains how to develop good communication and listening skills. She navigates through the sensitive topic of intimacy, as well as the tough issues surrounding anger and conflict resolution. And because clashes over money can torpedo a marriage faster than almost anything else, there is plenty of indepth attention devoted to finance. The planner is filled with charts and questionnaires for couples to complete together that can eliminate nasty postnuptial surprises. “The Pre-Marital Planner” provides smart answers to the fundamental matters that need to be addressed before you enter into the most important relationship in your life. It is available at Barnes and Noble and on www. amazon.com. Vikki Ziegler is the Founder of www.divorcedating. com a specialized website catering to divorcees looking for love and a commonality with people who have experienced divorce. This website has 377,000 members and is growing daily.

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Divorce & Technology Co-Parenting in the Digital Age

There are many ways for ex-spouses to communicate. Some choose the telephone, others send texts or e-mails. Still others may continue to communicate through their lawyers. Today we have access to many tools to make communication and organization easier. 2houses.com is an example. It offers a platform that organizes the practical aspects of co-parenting without clashes.

It has been said that necessity is the mother of invention, but in this case it was the father. The app, 2houses.com was established by Gill Ruidant in 2011. Having gone through a separation himself in 2004, he looked for a tool that could help him, his son, and his ex-partner to communicate and better organize their custody arrangements and their sons’ schedule. After discovering that the existing tools were not tailored to divorced parents, Gill decided to build his own platform; 2houses. 2houses helps you to manage your parenting schedule, keep track of shared expenses, and to exchange information such as school and after-school activities, medical details, and other important information. A divorce app may be just what you need to manage post-split stress on the go. The 2Houses app was designed to make it easier for divorced parents to communicate about their children’s lives from your laptop, tablet, or cell phone. Both parents can edit and update a shared digital calendar to keep track of their kids’ busy schedules and ensure that neither parent misses a ballet recital or a parent-teacher conference. One helpful feature; if one parent makes a schedule change, a notification will automatically be sent to the other parent to notify them of the change. It is not easy to communicate as parents if you are separated or divorced, but this app may just help bridge the gap and improve communication.

Parenting Apart

The Parenting Apart app is an advice-based service that provides resources for separated or divorced couples. The app allows users to search through common questions, such as how to co-parent or help your children adjust, and get immediate support. Dubbed the “Divorce Coach,” Christina McGhee is an internationally acclaimed speaker, author and parent educator who has devoted her career to radically changing how families experience divorce. In her new book, Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids (Penguin), she provides practical guidance for addressing the everyday life issues that so many separating parents face. Since 1998, Christina has educated literally thousands of parents about placing children first when relationships end. A leading authority on children and divorce, she has trained lawyers, mediators, mental health professionals and been invited to speak to politicians.

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Leveling The Playing Field When it comes to domestic litigation, the best defense is a good offense. For men involved in divorce proceedings, they are often stuck at mid-field during the “pending” phase of the case, and the decisions they make outside of the courtroom during this period can seriously affect the outcome. “Domestic litigation involves the most sensitive and personal aspects of a person’s life”, says Elisabeth Flemming of Cordell & Cordell Law Firm. She believes it takes a specific type of attorney to counsel men in this situation, with conscientious care needed to effectively handle the issues specifically related to men. It is a team effort, and who best to have on your team than one experienced in fighting for the rights of men and fathers in divorce. During the “Men’s Divorce School” Seminar held on September 25, 2014 at the Westin in Lake Las Vegas, Ms. Flemming outlined the following essential things to consider during the waiting period while your case is pending. These can often be turbulent times and it is essential that you follow some basic guidelines while waiting it out.

She also stressed the importance of not interfering with the visitation schedule. Furthermore, do not prevent the children from contacting the other party. She advocates trying to work with the opposing party in the best interests of the children and allow for open communication. Ms. Flemming also cautions about the importance of being punctual with your child support, regardless of the opposing party’s actions; after all, the money is for your kids. So how long do you need to be on your best behavior? Ms. Flemming indicated that a non-contested divorce could be completed in as little as two to three weeks’ time. But if there are substantial custody and property issues, she advised that six to nine months is the typical time line for completion of the process. Elisabeth Flemming believes that as a family law attorney it is her duty to assist people in guarding their most valuable asset; their families. “As such, there is more to the job than simply being a legal adviser and winning cases”, said Ms. Flemming, “because I believe no one wins when the entire family suffers.”

Flemming suggests that you do not involve the children in your case. They are not the litigants, and the divorce is traumatizing enough for them without being used as pawns in the process. “Give them all the love and attention they deserve and let them know that they are not responsible for the current situation,” says Flemming. Most importantly, don’t vent your feelings to your children. They are not emotionally mature enough to understand your pain. Seek professional counseling or attend a support group if necessary. Ms. Flemming advises against belittling the opposing party in front of the children. “Show respect and restraint at all times. If the discussions heat up, walk away.” She also warns against fighting about meaningless things for the sake of “sticking it” to your opponent. “Pick your battles wisely and remember that it’s not really worth spending $500 in fees for a $25 item.” Above all, don’t become so obsessed about your case that it seriously interferes with your life. Take up new hobbies, exercise, and spend quality time with family and friends.

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Recommended Reading for Fathers Being a good father is a difficult task and presents countless daily challenges. When faced with the inevitable new issues that surface during the divorce process, it is always helpful to have a ready source of expert advice to consult. The following are a few suggestions to assist you through those times.

The 5 Love Languages of Children Does your child speak a different language? Sometimes they wager for your attention, and other times they ignore you completely. Sometimes they are filled with gratitude and affection, and other times they seem totally indifferent. Attitude. Behavior. Development. Everything depends on the love relationship between you and your child. When children feel loved, they do their best. But how can you make sure your child feels loved? Since 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman’s best-selling book The 5 Love Languages has helped millions of couples develop stronger, more fulfilling relationships by teaching them to speak each other’s love language. Each child, too, expresses and receives love through one of five different communication styles. And your love language may be totally different from that of your child. While you are doing all you can to show your child love, he may be hearing it as something completely opposite. Discover your child’s primary language and learn what you can do to effectively convey unconditional feelings of respect, affection, and commitment that will resonate in your child’s emotions and behavior.

http://tinyurl.com/nxvnrjv

52 Things Kids Need From A Dad “God, please help me... not another game of Candy Land...” Quite a few dads spend what they hope is quality time with their kids. Many, however, have no clue what their kids really want and need from the male role model in their lives. Enter author Jay Payleitner, veteran dad of five, who has also struggled with how to build up his children’s character and confidence. His book, 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad, combines straightforward features with “step-up-to-the-mark” challenges men will appreciate: •

A full year’s worth of focused, achievable ideas, one for each week

Uncomplicated ways to set a good example for your children

Tough, practical and frank advice, like “throw away your porn”

And, refreshingly... •

NO exhaustive (and exhausting) lists of “things you should do”

NO criticism of dads for being men and acting like men

Dads will feel respected and empowered, and gain confidence to initiate activities that instill lifelong lessons in their children.

http://tinyurl.com/o2m658n

All of these books are an excellent addition to support groups, sound advice for daily reference, and make great gifts! DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014

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Home Security Following “The Split” With so many things to consider following a separation, home security is one that is often overlooked. We forget that our partner has had access to all parts of our lives, including our home, our mailboxes, automobiles and storage units. It is not uncommon for breaches of security to follow an acrimonious split, so it is best to be safe than sorry. If you will be the one maintaining the home and/or car that you formally shared, it is wise to contact a qualified locksmith to discuss solutions to guarantee the safety and security of your property. According to Jeff Schonzeit, Owner/Operator of Green Valley Lock & Safe, they provide a wide range of restricted key systems available for $29.95 - $99.95 per cylinder and $3.50 - $10.00 per key. “If replacement of the lock is required we use high quality Schlage deadbolts retailing for $63.00 - 79.00 depending on color choice”, says Schonzeit. These prices do not include the trip charge to travel to the home, nor the labor to install the new locks, but we can all agree that you can’t put a price on the safety of your family. Please visit: http://www. masterdoorlock.com/nightwatch.jsp for further information, or contact Jeff at: (702) 897-0164.

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The New Divorce and How It Affects the Modern Family by Daphne Wayans As published on The Huffington Post.

Divorce has been defined as “a separation between things that were or ought to be connected.” I particularly like the phrase “ought to be” here. While all definitions of “divorce” seem to imply a severing and ending of relationships, the word itself derives from the word “divert,” which seems to better imply what a family usually experiences with a divorce. Divorce is the ending of something that was between a husband and wife. But what about additional relationships that were born of this marriage? Some of these include extended family, in the case of in-laws. And others include children. Such dissolution speaks nothing of these additional parts that were created in a marriage. Instead it only accounts for the legal duties that are between the husband and wife. (As an aside, it should be noted that, when I am speaking of divorce here, I am only speaking of those that had the addition of children, as distinct from what is called a “short divorce” -- when a couple has no children, extensive time, nor much real property between them at the time of divorce.)

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Embarking upon a marriage, I never estimated what would happen should the marriage “dissolve.” And going through a divorce, what I would later discover was that I would pine away for our initial love, which would now need to be transformed into something that was real and true between my now ex-husband and our children. Prior to getting married, I had heard many things about marriage -- and everyone seemed to be in a rush to get there. But few spoke of what seemed to be happening to many among us: divorce. And none really had solutions. After our divorce, what I quickly realized was that my now-ex was not going anywhere. Although our divorce was the end of “something,” it was really not the end at all, but rather a beginning of “something else.” A relationship not entirely unlike a marriage, yet definitely not husband and wife.

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It’s since occurred to me that most marriages are somewhat doomed from the start, since they rarely begin with any sort of strategic plan. Any agreements at all are often tacit in nature. There is typically very little forethought, and no accommodations for change or adjustment, short of the popularly advertised exit method: divorce. But I certainly never had an exit plan for my marriage; I didn’t think I needed one. Who would, really? If the intention to marry was pure, there should be no reason for one. It’s interesting, but I realized that I was never really on board with the idea of divorce until I one day saw that our goals and wishes were no longer the same. In fact, maybe they were never the same. But even if they initially had been, discussing and agreeing to things before entering into the marriage, I now believe, could have helped enormously.

divorced? Well, the most important and obvious answer is: the kids. I had to confront the fact that my ex was not disappearing. And that even in divorce, we still needed to not only work the usual things out, but also work out the divorce itself. We still needed to sort out our differences and learn to get along.

So what am I trying to convey here?

So, in our case, there was no “severing or ending” of a relationship. There was no instant and easy solution to our marital problems. And there was certainly no dissolving of duties -- not ultimately. There was only a diverting of course, an altering of duties, a revision of overall plans and purposes. And in the end -- in our case, thankfully -- the problems were worked out. The relationship, although now different in nature, was not only intact and amicable, but oddly enough had come full circle and wound up where my now ex-husband and I had first begun. As friends -- and fast ones at that.

I guess that I had thought divorce would somehow solve the problems of our marriage. But it actually seemed to exacerbate them -- at least at first. And I kept wondering why, if we were divorced, would my ex just not just go away. Why did I still have to deal with him if we were

Now, I know the above will not be the case for all divorcees. But it is my sincere hope that it could be -or that my experience could at least assist in some way those entering into or exiting from the institution of marriage.

Prior to getting married, I had heard many things about marriage – and everyone seemed to be in a rush to get there. But few spoke of what seemed to be happening to many among us: divorce. And none really had solutions.

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She Says... “Yes, divorce is painful and can be described as a death of sorts. Yet, divorce gives us a choice in how we manage the next journey, and we could end up better for the experience. My road through and after divorce is one filled with a rollercoaster of emotions that many people who’ve gone through it (past or present), can relate to in one way or another. I experienced the emotional stages of divorce, anger, denial, sadness, resentment, shock and mourning the loss of the dream of “living happily ever after”. My ex-husband and I were also charged with healing our respective wounds, redefining our relationship, and to do our best as parents of an amazing child. During the divorce proceedings the judge acknowledged our healthy approach in protecting the emotional and mental well being of our child and noted she wished more parents would do the same. Despite the reasons behind getting a divorce, (irreconcilable differences, finances, infidelity, etc.), once that paper is signed, there’s value in discovering the lessons learned. I’m happy to share that my divorce was a re-birth of sorts, in which I’ve thrived in magnificent ways. To move forward, I acknowledged the courage and strength it took for me to ultimately make the decision. I also viewed my life through a developmental lens, allowing me to understand myself better, and how my thoughts and actions affected the relationship in positive or negative ways.

He Says... Divorce has a way of humbling a person. After my divorce I looked into the mirror and thought “ what a loser”. I didn’t go into marriage thinking I would get divorced, and I didn’t want to face the reality of a failed marriage; I suppose nobody does. Marriages take a lot of work by both parties and many times if the communication isn’t there, you simply grow apart. What I have learned from that experience is one of the greatest lessons in my life. You never really know who you are until you are married. I learned what I truly wanted (and didn’t want), needed and expected not only from myself but also from my significant other. Someday, when the time is right, I will find a new someone special, only this time I will have a better idea of what I need, want and expect from a life partner and be better equipped to handle their needs. After a short mourning period I realized that divorce is not the end, it is merely the beginning of a new and exciting chapter with endless possibilities and outcomes. We are only here for a short time so you can’t waste it sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Just get out there! Stand tall, be confident, smile, enjoy the freedom of being open to life’s new experiences. Regards, Frank

Nine years later, I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, my son is happy and healthy, and my amazing “parentingpartner”, otherwise known as my ex-husband, is doing well. We are deeply grateful for the gift of divorce. It gave us the opportunity to grow and make choices that have set us up to succeed and thrive as individuals and as a family. Carmen M. Peña, M.A. is a Coach, Speaker, Author, and CEO of Life Consultants International, a socially-conscious training and development business offering uniquely designed services to contribute to the happiness, health and success of organizations and individuals world-wide.

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Autumn Makeup Autumn has arrived in its full splendor!!! Nature inspires beautiful colors with which to adorn your face! Rubies, fuchsias, and Merlots can give you a bold and edgy lip during this season. Rich and velvety lips can give you confidence, paired with dazzling and sparkling eyes! Earthy eyes and bold brows can adorn a woman of any age when it’s done tastefully. Make up should be fun, so let’s play! Take the time to explore fun trends and customize them to suit your needs and personality. Zorana Edun-Caldwell has worked in the beauty industry for over 20 years in San Francisco, Los Angeles and Las Vegas. She is available for consultations and makeovers at Nordstrom in the Fashion Show Mall (702)784-1083

Hair in the Desert Charley Whitted Blow Nail Makeup LLC. The dry Las Vegas heat is just one of the many elements working against healthy, shiny hair. Protecting your hair with a thermal protecting spray like Aquage Beyond Body Thermal Spray can help. This lightweight heat activated spray is perfect for blow drying, curling, or flat ironing your hair because it coats each strand with ceramic infused polymers and fortifying proteins, providing a layer of protection between your hair and your hot tool. This coating creates body, strength, and shine, everything a girl ever wants in her hair. If you dry naturally, try Aquage Hydrating Mist. This mist replenishes moisture and repairs dry, damaged hair. It also provides color protection for color treated hair. Just spay and go! Aquage Hydrating Mist is a definite Must Have! Aquage products can be found at Blow Nail Makeup LLC, 9555 S. Eastern Ave. #155, Las Vegas Nevada 89123! Remember, healthy hair starts from proper care.

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Fitness Tip Don’t “eat” through your feelings “work out” through them! Let the aggression you’re feeling during stressful times out by using exercise to rid your mind and body of daily frustrations. Physical activity such as ball slams, hammer swings, or a brisk walk or run can truly be liberating. Exercising not only releases toxins through the skin, but also those wonderful “feel good” neurotransmitters like serotonin. Need help on getting your fitness journey started? Call Stefania at Primal Fitness 702-956-FITT/3488 or check her out at PrimalFitnesslv.com

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The “Perks” of Testosterone! After years of being in a marriage you may have lost a sense of knowing who you are. Now, you are embarking on an old, yet new territory of being single…again. There will be many days when you will feel lost, angry and despondent. Others when you will feel just not quite yourself. What many women may not know is that Testosterone plays a vital part in helping keep women feeling and looking smarter, younger, healthier, stronger, more vibrant and sexually active, when it is present in optimum levels in their bodies. It enables the brain to work better and think clearer. It also assists the bones to build, which decreases the risk for osteopenia and osteoporosis. Over time, testosterone actually improves the condition of skin, and can even give it a more youthful, attractive and appealing appearance. My patients often ask my advice on weight control, especially during their re-entry into the singles scene. I recommend that they not starve their bodies but rather eat healthy and clean. You know when you are not eating properly; no doctor needs to tell you. It is important to feed the new you with healthy, wholesome food. With testosterone alone (even without changes in diet and exercise) muscle tone improves and body fat decreases, although women who eat healthy and workout see the best results. Testosterone can significantly heighten the sensitivity of the skin, so that the intimacy of touch may become extremely appealing. Sexual desire can reach former peak heights, or even exceed them. Part of your quest to get back to a healthy you should also involve exercise. Taking the time to exercise four or more times a week is great for the body and the soul. Not only will exercise help you shed the pounds, which may have been added during your divorce, but it is also a natural stress reliever. Exercise works best if you pick something that you enjoy.

As you emerge from your divorce, make sure you allow yourself to take top priority. Make an appointment with your physician and specifically request a Testosterone screening. The signs and symptoms of testosterone deficiency in women are often not immediately recognized by physicians. Women who are low on testosterone can develop a sense of not caring about anything – just “existing”. Cognitive function begins to decline and women experience “brain fog”, with difficulty in remembering things and/or poor ability to concentrate. Frequently, these symptoms are diagnosed as mood disorders such as anxiety or depression. Once this diagnosis is made women are unfortunately prescribed antidepressants or anxiety medication, which can become addictive. Also common are prescriptions for sleeping aids, which are almost all extremely habit-forming. So, if you’re ready to move on and “get your sexy back”, take the first step. Schedule an exam with your physician, or contact Dr. Maria Keller at Live Agelessly (702) 546LIVE. Also tune into her radio show “Get Your Sexy Back” on KLAV 1230AM.

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Three Divorce Party Gift Ideas Divorce parties are all the rage these days, but what do you get for the guest of honor? Since these parties can run the party spectrum from classy affairs to X-rated, here are a few gift ideas suitable for any theme. For the friend who is ready to be inspired: Get her Healing after Divorce...: It’s About Time! by Joanne F. Lyons Divorce Healing takes time. Recovery from the pain of Divorce can seem impossible. Use the time to your advantage by answering the workbook journal questions at the end of each chapter. The questions are thought provoking and will aid you as you heal your broken heart and regain your self-confidence. Remember you are not alone. Many have divorced and survived. Yet, some people run back into relationships before they are truly ready. You may have lost your true identity being in a marriage relationship and need to redefine yourself or maybe just find the real you again. As you read this book and answer the journals you will feel yourself heal and become whole again step by step. Girls’ Night Out: the perfect glass for the woman of honor - Divorce Party Champagne Glass ~ the design celebrates all that is good about single womanhood. The Lolita hand painted divorce champagne flute glass is classy and distinctive! Each flute features a delicious champagne cocktail recipe on the bottom of every glass! Every glass is conveniently shipped in a coordinating gift box. Visit http://www.lolitamartiniglasses.com/ champagne-flutes.html

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For the friend who really means it: The Wedding Ring Coffin! It’s a unique way to bury the ring and close the lid on your dead marriage.” Each coffin comes with a gold placard that can be custom engraved with the eulogy of your choice. Visit http://www.weddingringcoffin.com and give a dead marriage its proper, final resting place. The Wedding Ring Coffin is the perfect gift for yourself or a loved one for bringing closure after a divorce. It’s time to bury the past and move on to a new tomorrow.

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Overcome Divorce, Heartbreak & Separation – Guided Meditation, Hypnosis & Subliminal Check out this app to relieve stress during transition: Overcoming Divorce – Guided Meditation

Meditation can be a relaxing and enjoyable way to overcome the stresses associated with divorce. It can provide an outlet to let go of the pain and suffering of a breakup, and open up to love to create a new future. Thankfully, there’s an app for that! Rachael Meddows has developed the app, “Overcome Divorce, Separation & Broken Heart Hypnosis and Subliminal”. Many people find meditating difficult, but with the aid of her soothing voice and guided visualizations, finding that soft place to land is easier than you might expect. This guided meditation works with your subconscious mind to help facilitate healthy emotional healing. Positive subliminal suggestions for change are received by your subconscious mind, replacing negative thinking and allowing you to embrace new possibilities. Everyone needs a little help moving on. Why not get it from within!

One review reads: Great app!

I downloaded this to get over a breakup and this app helped me fall asleep at night and remind myself not to blame my partner and stew in my misery but instead commit to healing and focusing on my bright future. 6 months later I feel great and have a new man in my life. I still listen to the first half of the recording as it works well for relaxation regardless of the state of your heart!

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A Powerful Yet Underappreciated Nutrient: Vitamin D By Dr. Jeffrey L. Brown Now that we are entering the cold and flu season, I thought it would be appropriate to educate our readers on a very important nutrient that can help prevent illness and disease‌vitamin D. Fortunately it is now slowly getting more exposure on the importance of having adequate levels Unfortunately, vitamin D deficiency is extremely common in the United States. There are a number of reasons for this. First, few foods contain vitamin D. Fortified milk, eggs, fatty fish, and fish liver oils are the main sources. Second, we have been told to avoid the sun. However, vitamin D production starts by our skin being exposed to the sunlight. Sunscreen blocks vitamin D production by 97-100%. Dark skin pigmentation, excess body fat and clothing will also inhibit skin production of vitamin D. Every cell has a vitamin D receptor. It is involved with cell growth, immune function and gene expression. It can fight bacterial and viral infections, including upper respiratory infections and H1N1. Risk of having a heart attack is 2 xs higher if vitamin D levels are low. Autoimmune conditions have been associated with vitamin D deficiency. Studies have shown that at least 50% of all cancers could be prevented if people have proper levels of vitamin D. What can you do to protect yourself ? Get your vitamin D levels checked. Optimal levels will be over 50ng/ml. Supplement between 2,000-5,000 IU daily of pharmaceutical grade vitamin D3 based on your levels. Consider going out in the sun for short periods of time (10-15 min.) Consume foods rich in vitamin D. This is one simple measure that can have a huge impact on your life. To learn more about this topic you please visit: www.ultimatehealingcenter. com or call (702) 871-7004

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Redefining Your Self and Your Space By Lori Brown Life after divorce can be challenging on so many levels, least of which being where and how you resume your daily activities in a new home. For many men, divorce means leaving the home that was once shared with a wife, children and pets, and redefining yourself in terms of how and where you live. This can be challenging for most men, as traditionally it has been the woman’s role to design, furnish and stock the home. Now that you have moved on, it may become necessary to reevaluate who you are, what you like and dislike in your environment, and how you want others visiting your home to perceive you. Being single no longer brings with it the connotation that you must live in a “bachelor pad” with the sheets on the windows, giant television and beanbag chairs! Today’s man has so many options available to them that were dismissed previously due to the constraints of the family. You can now live wherever you want, in whatever type of home you like, with whatever type of décor suits your tastes! What an exciting concept! So, who are you? First let’s look at your finances. Are you struggling with the prospect of having to pay alimony and/or child support, or are you fortunate to have sufficient resources to move on in style? No matter what your circumstance, it pays to sit down with an accountant or financial advisor to ascertain just what you can comfortably afford. You must take into account all of the bills associated with a new home (rent/mortgage, utilities, moving expenses, furniture, etc.) and determine what you want your new digs to say about who you have become. You must also consider how your new home will accommodate your children and/or pets. If you will have regular visitation with your children and they will be spending time in your home, it is imperative that they feel comfortable in your new space. You should select a space that has sufficient room for them to feel like it is their second home, and it should reflect not only who you are now, but also what they represent in your life. Some consideration must also be given to any pets that will be a constant in your life. Let’s not forget about your social life. Now that you are single again, it is helpful to get back in the social game as soon as comfortably possible. For a lot of men this may mean considering who you are as a man, aside from being a husband and father. What do you like to do for fun? What hobbies would you like to resume? What organizational activities would you like to attend? Being single in todays society may be a lot different from the way it was when you were last on the DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014

singles scene! With Internet dating and social networking it’s almost not even necessary to leave the house in order to be social! But for the sake of your sanity it would be advisable to venture out and see what has happened to single life since you were there last. Of course, it may also be necessary to update your appearance so as not to carry that husband/dad look into your new life. And make no mistake about it; this is the beginning of a whole new life! Take a long hard look in the mirror and decide who you want to be going forward. Better yet, seek out the opinions of female friends or family members whose advice you trust. With a little encouragement and a bit of prodding, stepping out of your shell could be just the thing to make your new life really worth living! There are so many things to consider when moving on from divorce, and it helps to know that there are now agencies that deal specifically with the dilemmas facing men in transition. Companies like my own, Manterior Design, help men to take a critical inventory of their new lives and assist in planning and executing the transition as painlessly as possible. For more information, visit www.manteriordesign.net 21


Free Divorce Classes Legal Aid Center of Southern Nevada and UNLV William S. Boyd School of Law have created a partnership program to help provide legal information. Free classes are offered to anyone looking to learn about the law in various areas from Bankruptcy to Small Claims.. Attorney Cliff Marcek oversees the program where the classes are taught by law students. The Family law classes offered shine a light on the basics of divorce. In the divorce class, students receive a detailed workbook that covers uncontested joint petitions, the basics of a contested divorce, child and custody support, and self-representation in court. Since the law school opened in 1998, this program allows students to give back, while also helping men and women gain legal knowledge. Below is the Family law Fall schedule of classes:

Classes Offered Fall 2014:

CLASS LOCATION:

September 6 - November 21

UNLV, William S. Boyd School of Law

Divorce

4505 S. Maryland Pkwy. Las Vegas, NV

In the Divorce class, you will learn about Uncontested Joint Petitions,

Contact Legal Aid Center of Southern Nevada 3861070, option 1, for more information

the basics of a contested divorce, child custody and child support and how to represent yourself in court. (Includes workbook) Tues. at 6:00 p.m. & Sat. at 9:00 a.m. (No Class Nov. 1 & 11) Paternity/Custody This class is for unmarried persons who want to obtain or modify a custody order. Saturdays at 11:00 a.m. (No Class Nov. 1)

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Golf Anyone?! Divorce can be a turbulent time, so why not take some personal time to enjoy a round of “something” that will help keep you sane! If you are not playing as much golf as you want, it is likely due more to having children and personal obligations than it has to do with your job. If you are divorced with children, most parents will enjoy visitation or parenting time with the children every other weekend. That leaves Saturday and Sunday every other week for golf. That said, if you or your children are involved in other activities, those seldom occur on alternate weeks. If your kids play soccer, you are generally at the soccer field every weekend. Balance is the key to managing everything successfully, and it is sometimes difficult for a devoted golfer to balance, and for a non-golfer to appreciate. As a fairly avid golfer, I understand the time commitments. I commit time to my job, coaching my children, and to playing better golf. My current handicap is “2 kids and a motorcycle.” And with the dozens of beautiful golf courses in the Las Vegas valley, who could blame me? Even if you can’t find the time for a relaxing eighteen holes, consider taking an hour or two to visit the driving range. It’s a great way to improve your swing, work on your technique and still make it to the kids’ game on time.

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GoLow Driving Range is a great new indoor range that offers you the most modern technology to assist you in perfecting your swing. Their hitting bays feature ball flight simulation and club path analysis. You can complete a round of 18 holes in 90 minutes, and for two players it’s only $25 each. Not to mention the attractive “GoLow Girls Personal Assistants” that will escort you to your hitting bay, set up your equipment and offer you a snack or beverage. Book your tee time at golowlv.com, or call 702-778-4600. It’s a great alternative that will make everybody happy!

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Styling Vegas with Mariah Walton Unfortunately, I know quite a bit about the subject of divorce, and the ramifications it can have on your self-esteem, self-worth, your perceived image. Especially on your wardrobe!

After relocating to Las Vegas from Philadelphia after my own divorce, the last thing that I was going to do was adopt the “style” of the majority of ladies I began to meet. It was sequins run amok! Short here, tight there, and way too low up there. All the things that my friends said Las Vegas would be like! But maybe I could change that. Yes, it was definitely time to move on relationally, however, going out dressed like my peers, I was never going to attract the type of man I felt I deserved, and what would

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be my deepest desire in a new love interest. Besides that, it would have made me totally uncomfortable adopting a personality that was not authentically me! As an avid shopper (ha ha), I searched high and low at boutiques and trendy shops, but literally could not find any clothing that would precisely fit my vision of who I was becoming. Along with that, I had an obsession for fine fabrics that would non-verbally express who I was and what I expected from what I call a “potential candidate”.

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So I decided to start my own collection and style consulting business. My collection, named the “West London Boutique”, houses imports of un-branded and rising designers’ work that are feminine and classic, yet still sexy and mysterious. We seek to advocate for and offer to women, styles that will assist in maintaining a ladies’ integrity, dignity and grace in a culture where it is almost shunned upon to carry yourself in such a manner. Our hopes are to restore what a discerning lady should represent and to also encourage and support international designers whose work is conducive to our message in Las Vegas. Here are a few style tips on what I would suggest when considering meeting new people and getting back on the dating scene:

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Do not conform to dressing the way your friends or colleagues dress, especially if their style does not match your personality.

Do not give in to the notion that you have to dress excessively provocative to get attention. After all, you want to meet new interests that are attracted to your individuality, not your thighs, (just yet)! Do be confident and enjoy your new life! With all the wisdom you have garnered over your years, look at this stage in your life as a new beginning, full of chances to create new memories and to try new things. If you haven’t already, perhaps you should consider adding a little color and a few prints to your wardrobe! Visually, it emulates happiness and confidence.

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Remember that often times people meet in the places they least expect. So go out and explore places and do things that bring you pleasure. And don’t completely knock the dating website thing until you try it! When you simply focus on YOU and what your interests are, you will be surprised at what lovely individuals will come across your path.

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Know your body type and dress accordingly. For example, I myself am considered petite. To appear taller (which I always try to do), I wear fitted skirts over the knee and maxi dresses, as these styles appear to lengthen me. I never wear above the knee unless it’s a flare skirt; that way the cut doesn’t “cut me off ” or make my legs look shorter. Similarly a woman with a pear shape may wish to flatter her shape with A-line dresses and/or separates including a cardigan and camisole matched with a flowing pant. I would suggest finishing this look with a pearl choker. I could go on and on but I trust you get the picture. For unique, fashion-forward wardrobe advice, check us out at www.mariahwaltonstyling.com

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Singles In The City SITC originated when co-founders Araxie Grant and Julie Nguyen were having coffee, commiserating about the lack of a quality dating pool for professionals. In that instance, the seeds for SITC was borne. Both Araxie and Julie brainstormed about how to better serve professional singles utilizing their collective experiences from dating in Vegas. Desiring a well-rounded female and male perspective, Araxie and Julie asked Carlos Mungaray, to be the third co-founder of SITC. Understanding the importance of a personal connection, SITC creates an environment where singles can come together to meet face-to-face and as an added bonus, do some business networking and form friendships with other Las Vegans. Events are held at least twice a month and access to these events is exclusive to SITC Members. All SITC members are 24-49 years old and have a business card. There are certain exceptions that are made for those professionals that do not have a business card (for example, school teachers and nurses). If you do not have a business card but are interested in becoming a member, please send your request to singlesinthecityvegas.com/contact.

Singles In The City (“SITC”) seeks to assist single professionals in Vegas to find genuine and authentic love connections. Frequently, most professionals find that dating is hard in Vegas because of the difficulty meeting people with similar likes, interests, and schedules. While Vegas does offer an abundance of quality locals who work in the service industry, coordinating between the schedules of the business day and the service hours becomes frustrating. As such, SITC looks to help single professionals meet other single professionals with the same likes, interests, and schedules. Founded by young professionals, SITC understands the challenges of finding single professionals in Las Vegas.

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One-time membership registration is a reasonable $40 and includes the first event for free! SITC is also pleased to provide you with “member perks,” such as the “wingman/woman” program that allows you to bring a single professional guest with you at no additional cost. Events range from mixers at hip and stylish bars to wine tastings, cooking classes, fitness outings and much more! SITC events are always fun, dynamic and unintimidating so stop wondering about where to go to find like-minded single professionals and become a member today! Visit singlesinthecityvegas.com to complete your membership application. As to our future upcoming standard mixers, SITC is pleased to offer the following dates and times, location TBD (be sure to follow up on our website for more information): https://singlesinthecityvegas.com/

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10 Questions to Ask Choosing the right divorce attorney for your situation is critical to obtaining the desired outcome. In order to make sure that an attorney is right for you, you should conduct an interview with them before you hire them. Here is a list of the top ten questions you should ask a potential divorce lawyer in order to find out more information about them:

5. What are your fees and do you require a retainer?

1. How long have you been practicing as a lawyer? How long have you been practicing in my state?

You will want to be sure that the attorney doesn’t plan to pass your case over to a less experienced member of the firm.

This will allow you to figure out the attorney’s level of experience.

7. Am I able to review all documents regarding my case?

It is vital that you fully understand the entire process by which you will be paying the attorney before you hire them. 6. Will you be working or my case or will another member of your firm be handling most of it?

2. Do you specialize in divorce and family law?

You should always be able to review all documents regarding your case.

Because of the complexities of divorce laws, you will want to hire an attorney that specializes in divorce.

8. Has any former clients ever filed a grievance against you?

3. What is your success rate in both the courtroom and in mediation?

This will give you some insight into how good of a lawyer they are.

The point of this question is to determine how flexible the attorney is at negotiating both in the courtroom and outside of it.

9. How do you plan to communicate with me on this case?

4. Can you tell me the procedure for divorce in my state? The answer to this question will show you that the lawyer understands the laws of your state.

Communication between you and your lawyer will be very important during the divorce process. 10. Do you know my spouse or their attorney? This could raise a conflict of interest in the case.


Out of the Depths By: Mandy McKellar Having been a divorce attorney for over 8 years, I have been through the divorce process a couple hundred times in my professional career. My day consists of court hearings, meetings with current clients, settlement conferences, drafting documents, and “the consultation.” Going through divorce in my personal life, was much different. I am now convinced that I will be a much more understanding Divorce Lawyer, as I can now understand the position of my clients. I could never glean the depths of my clients’ perception and their emotions until now. Understanding emotions is the most important part of this process. Prior to going through my own divorce, I lacked the ability to sympathize on any level. This has changed. The consultation is the most important aspect of my job, and I provide them free of charge. It is my intention to give my clients the best advice possible. When a client comes to me for that first meeting, they are lost, cheated on, betrayed, broken, ripped up, chewed up, angry, and left with no hope. I know now what they are feeling after experiencing this myself. Divorce was just a word before, now it has become, for me, one of the most traumatic ordeals that I have faced in my adult life. My clients are in this same position when they come to see me. More importantly, my clients are controlled at this point entirely by their emotions, which is never a good thing. This generally drives the client to request the reliefs that they are seeking, no matter how ridiculous. My hope is that this article will give the reader who is facing this a better understanding of his or her own emotions. A very integral part of this process. It was Elisabeth Kübler-¬Ross who said “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” I always refer clients to Elisabeth Kübler-¬Ross’ book On Death and Dying, (1969). The book explains the 5 stages of grief when dealing with death. This work is fundamental to provide the client with an understanding of the emotional toll that is DIVORCE. Everything that they are feeling is normal,

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and there is an explanation. This I now know is the most solid advice I can give, and I will explore these “stages” further below: 1. Denial Many clients I meet with hit the denial stage and remain there. You have got to get over it. You must face reality. Some don’t want to face the reality that their marriage is actually over. They will call and text numerous times throughout the day, despite the requests that the other partner would like to be left alone. They will obsess for hours about what the other is doing. Sometimes this obsession can result in Temporary Orders of Protection and further court proceedings. Some don’t want to file the paperwork, and some can’t believe that the other has done so. They grasp at straws, contemplating how they can undue what has been done? How they can get the other person back? They swear up and down that their ex is going to come back them. Most likely, when the paperwork has been filed, this is not going to happen. Some may even have no emotions set in at all, as they really don’t believe this has happened. If you find yourself in denial, get another persons perspective. This advice can be given from a professional, friends, or family member. Don’t sugarcoat it. Face the reality and start to focus on yourself and what it is that makes you a happy and fulfilled person. If you did something to provoke the “break up” then own up to your own mistakes and move on with the understanding that you will not repeat them. DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014


2. Anger

4. Depression

Here is a secret of many Divorce Attorneys, “I love having an opponent who is angry”. It is really is easy to ruffle their feathers, usually in front of a judge. This stage will make you look bad. I cannot tell you how many times I hear “I want to destroy my ex.” This is going to get you nowhere but a large bill from you attorney. You cannot think logically stuck in this stage. The smart advice is to just not do it. But it’s going to happen. You will feel angry from the pain that is caused by the partner who is leaving. I recommend when you find yourself angry, to occupy your time with something more positive, go for a walk, go to the gym, or maybe even have a glass of wine. This stage usually passes quickly if you are engaged in something else more balanced.

If the bargaining pleas do not work, then you may be faced with depression. Typically this will really set in around holidays and other shared life experiences. It can get so bad that it completely disrupts your entire life. Sleeping, eating, work, and all other matters that are priorities in life, will be placed on the back burner. Daily rituals and habits are completely ignored. If you find yourself here for an extended period of time, it’s best to seek professional assistance and guidance through support groups and/or counseling.

3. Bargaining Usually this stage involves pleading with the former partner about what can be salvaged from the destruction that has been caused. Begging for chances to improve usually follows. Some couples get back together at this stage. I have found that some never get to this stage. This stage usually ties in with denial in my experience. If you want another shot, offer it up. If the answer is no, then leave it be. Again find something more useful to do with your time and energy.

5. Acceptance The final stage is moving forward, my personal favorite. After seeing a client initially broken down from the first meeting, it is great to see them finally come out of the storm. They are fortunately in a much better position than they were when we started, and I am so happy for them. Usually these clients are happy about my work and what I have done for them, eventually relieved that it’s over. The most important thing that any person can do to get to this stage is just accept that the relationship is now over. Though you may be wary of jumping on to the next one, you can finally move on to a different place of hopeful peace. Divorce can seem much worse when dealing with the five stages of grief than when dealing with death. This is not television, and it usually doesn’t happen overnight. In my experience, each one of these stages can happen at any time of the day, unprovoked, not in a proverbial cycle as research suggests. Additionally, you always have to wonder if you’re going to run into your ex out one evening on a date, or at Wal-Mart picking up sustenance. Some are forced to deal with their exes indefinitely when children are involved. I am hoping that this article will end up in the right hands of anyone facing this traumatic experience. It was the well known poet Robert Frost who said, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

Ms. McKellar earned her Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice and Psychology in 2001, from the University of Wyoming. She then went on to graduate from Thomas M. Cooley Law School, Lansing Michigan in 2006. After graduation, she was an intern for the Honorable Nancy Oesterle in Las Vegas Justice Court Department 6. After passing the bar exam in 2007, Ms. McKellar devoted her entire practice exclusively to the area of Family Law. She accepted a position as an associate at Willick Law Group, where she remained until 2009. Ms. McKellar then practiced as an associate at The Dickerson Law Group practicing exclusively the area of Family Law. In 2011, she started her own practice, McKellar Family Law (702-816-5200). Ms. McKellar is also a former member of the State Bar of Nevada Standing Committee of Professional Responsibility and Ethics, a participant in the Truancy Diversion Program, recipient of pro bono awards and has published various articles in the Nevada Lawyer and the Clark County Bar Associations Communiqué.

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Reclaiming Your Confidence www.TheAttractiveMan.com

Three “Weird” Tricks To Instantly Increase Confidence There is one universal trigger for attraction that can hardly be disputed: CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. This applies to both sexes. Here’s the deal, if you are lacking in the confidence department then you are doomed in the dating world. Women crave to be with a powerful, confident man. This is an inherent, biological instinct. I used to lack confidence and my dating life suffered. I would only get dates with women to whom I was only mildly attracted. The ones I really wanted wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole. It pretty much sucked. But alas, I found hope. Thankfully, confidence is something that can be gained with the proper tools and the right conditioning. But, can someone become instantly more confident with minimal effort? The answer, I found out, was indubitably YES. Here are three powerful, and somewhat strange tips that I found would immediately triple anyones confidence, boost charisma and give you a surge of personal power. You will immediately turn the heads of your desired target, and magnetize your personality so others will desperately want that “extra something” that you appear to have.

Victory Pose Science has proven that our physiology affects our psychology. This is just a fancy way of saying that what you do (your behavior) affects the way you feel (level of confidence). For example, it’s almost impossible to feel bad while you are smiling. Try it out. Plaster a big ear-toear grin across that sexy mug of yours and tell me how you feel. Well? Studies have shown that when you mimic the Victory Pose, standing tall with both arms above your head as if you just won a race, you will immediately experience an increase in testosterone (the power hormone) and a decrease in cortisol (the stress hormone). Next time you are feeling insecure, just raise your fists in the air and smile for two minutes and let the power hormone kick in and give you a shot of testosterone and a boost of confidence. If you want to take this principle even further, simply ask yourself, “how would a confident person stand, walk, talk, etc.,” and then model those behaviors. 30

For example: Stand tall with your shoulders back. Walk with purpose and with a bit of swagger. Talk louder and use dramatic pauses (it shows that you expect other’s will listen). Adopt these behaviors and you will instantly feel a boost in confidence and others will naturally perceive you as more confident and charismatic.

Get Grounded We, not being fully present in the moment cause all aspects of fear, nervousness and anxiety in our lives. Our minds are always fighting for control, forcing us to dwell on past events or possible future outcomes. Think about it, when you feel a lack of confidence isn’t it because all of your attention is on the past or future? You are either focusing on how awful it was the last time you were in that situation, or you are dwelling on all of the possible worst outcomes. Instead, just try being in the moment. When you are “in the moment,” it’s difficult to feel anxiety from past failures or worry about a perpetual bleak future. Experience everything

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that is going on in the present moment, fully grounded and aware of your body and what is going on in your environment. So how do you overcome fear and anxiousness by getting grounded and present? Here are three simple methods for shutting down the chatter in your head and coming back to the present moment:

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Focus on your breathing. Take three deep breathes right now as you are reading. Allow your lungs to expand and take in about 50% more oxygen than usual. Notice how you feel and how your focus goes out of your “head” and into your “body”. You feel a lot more relaxed, calm and present, don’t you?

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Bring your awareness into your body. Notice the sensations in your body. Feel your feet on the ground. If you are nervous, allow yourself to experience the nervousness, instead of trying to use logical thinking to try and make it disappear. As you allow yourself to experience and be fully aware of all the sensations in your body, including your nervousness, your focus comes right back into the present moment and the energy in your head (focusing on the past or future) will dissipate and the worry and anxiousness will subside.

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Scan the vicinity. Notice what’s going on in your environment. Pay very close attention to every little detail. Scan your environment right now and notice some details that you hadn’t noticed before. If you are talking with someone and you need to get present then scanning the vicinity may be inappropriate. Instead, notice the details on the person’s face, in particular their eyes. Notice the different shades of colors, the tiny wrinkles, etc. This brings your awareness back to what is going on right now, back to the present moment.

Creative Visualization The effects of visualization on the human mind are outstanding, due to the fact that our unconscious mind cannot distinguish fantasy from reality. Just taking a few minutes to visualize yourself as a confident person can make you instantly feel more confident. See yourself being totally, 100% confident in a situation that normally would make you nervous and uncomfortable. Maybe it’s on stage giving a presentation. Maybe it’s talking to someone of the opposite sex. Take a few minutes to visualize yourself in that situation and see you being totally comfortable and at ease. While you visualize this scenario, notice every little detail. What do you see, smell, and feel? And most importantly, allow yourself to feel empowered and confident as you visualize yourself succeeding in that situation. This can immediately give you that boost of confidence you need, as well as increase your overall confidence level over time as you incorporate creative visualization into your daily routine. So how can you use these principles in real life? Well, for example, next time you have a big date coming up, take a few minutes to visualize the date going really well. See yourself with that person and feel at ease and totally confident with your new potential lover. Prior to the date, do the Victory Pose; just make sure no one catches you in the act! I suggest striking the pose at home or in a public restroom. Finally, while on the date, any time you feel nervous or anxious go through the techniques to get present: take a deep breath and focus on your breathing, feel your body and notice the details in their eyes. Then watch in amazement, as others suddenly perceive you as a more self-assured, powerful and confident person. For more tips on boosting confidence get a free coaching session at www.1On1DatingCoach.com

Flirting Tip: Compliment your crush early in the conversation. Don’t chicken out and skip this step — it might seem difficult, but it’s incredibly important. A compliment communicates that you’re potentially interested in dating, and steers you away from the dreaded friend-zone.

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Manterior Design Interior Design Services For Men We provide assistance for men facing divorce, separation, the loss of a spouse, or relocation to a new residence.

Lori Brown Interior Designer

While in the midst of transition you have little time to devote to finding, furnishing and setting up a household that can accommodate your new life, children and pets.

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Moving Forward “I’m leaving Fred.” I sat at the foot of my Mom’s bed in the spare bedroom she had inhabited for over two years. It became a symbol of her “separate but together” marriage to my stepdad. I had been living with them for a few months and witnessed how their lives had gone separately, how they barely talked or showed one another affection. Both of them were miserable. The next few weeks were a blur of logistics. We had to pack, separate the bank accounts and find a new place to live. Once all the activity settled down and I sat with my Mom facing a lot of empty walls, questions began to surface. Was this was a mistake? Will she be happy? Will she find someone again? We opened a bottle of wine, poured it into paper cups and started unpacking boxes. In my experience as a transformational coach, questions are the easiest jumping off point for a shift when one is feeling stuck. Questions will evolve and change depending on your current stage in the process. Here are three things you can do immediately to shift your perspective and move forward.

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Be gentle. Be patient.

You have been through an enormous life change. Maybe you felt the bottom fall out of your life or the rug being pulled out from under you. Perhaps you were the one who left. Whether you left or you were the one who was left, both leave you at the same place; a huge change from a normal routine. Now is the time to embrace anything that makes you feel safe and secure. Things like spending time with family and friends, a good book, a trip to a place that makes you feel at home. There is no substitute for the passage of time. Do something every day to take of you. I refer to it as “filling up your tank”. Give to yourself in this process so you’re able to give to others. Ask yourself the questions: What are ways I can take care of myself ? Where do I feel the most at peace?

2

Feel your Feelings.

Many feelings come up during this time. The best advice I can give is to feel all of your feelings. This is not the time to censor yourself or think you “should” react in a certain way. I always recommend clients begin a journal during this time. Writing is an

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incredibly useful tool to examine your language patterns and feelings. No one will check for proper grammar or spelling. This is for you. Allow yourself to feel angry, guilty, betrayed, enraged, joyous, celebratory, flirtatious, frisky, sexy, exhausted. Let your feelings pass through you like a storm. Pay attention to the way you desire to feel and see how often you are feeling those feelings. The writing allows you to track. Write without judgment. A word of warning about feelings. If you don’t allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, if you push it back down or stifle it, it will come back. Ask yourself the question: What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? Write it down.

3

Rediscover Passions.

Is there something you gave up on or shelved after you walked down the aisle? Whether consciously or unconsciously we have hobbies and passions we shelve. Open up the closet, turn on the light and pull that passion off of the shelf. Do you love painting? Poker night? Playing a pick-up game of basketball? Tinkering with models? Needle-pointing? Now you have the time to pursue a beloved hobby or try something new. Do something that brings you incredible joy. The point is to feel good. Ask yourself the question: What makes me feel good? What makes me feel alive and passionate? A bonus tip! Hire a coach or therapist. Someone who is trained in moving people forward can provide you with valuable insight that can save you time and give you peace of mind. Invest in someone who will help you clarify your goals, help you see blind spots and celebrate big wins. Cheers to the next chapter of your life!

DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014


Divorce and Social Media Posting your thoughts, feelings and quotes online via social media is a common everyday activity these days. But when you are in the process of divorce, you must be extremely careful about what you post online. First and foremost, anything you post is admissible in a court of law. Even if you delete something, the courts may still get an order to retrieve it and use it against you. In many cases, couples find that their divorce will be a public affair due to social media, even if they are not a public figure. We have heard these pearls of wisdom before --- “Better safe, than sorry.” It’s especially true when it comes to legal issues like divorce. How can you avoid making your divorce a public affair? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. So, the obvious choice is to shut down all of your social media accounts during the divorce process. However, if you need to keep your accounts, following a few simple guidelines will help avoid some of the pitfalls.

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Resist the urge to post song lyrics, quotes, or plain rants where you aren’t specifically naming someone… but everyone knows who it is you are referring to It could be used against you in court. Manage your “Friends” list. Your partner’s friends may not be your friends at this time. People often take sides in messy divorces.

Beware of location tagging. Soon-to-be exspouses can be exposed by other friends’ postings or “check-ins” that show they’re not where or with whom they reported. Simply, don’t post your whereabouts.

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Don’t disclose your relationship status. Your Facebook status doesn’t determine your status in real life.

Instagram can provide the evidence of an extramarital affair or other questionable relationships. Also, photos of excessive use of alcohol or drugs, or compromising positions of a sexual nature can be used against a spouse in a custody battle to illustrate the spouse is unfit.

Many Divorce Attorneys advise their clients to stay away from social media if at all possible. There is just too much of a possibility of something being posted that can harm their case. If it damages your case, you could be paying a dear price for the rest of your life. Think twice before you hit submit — be it a Facebook post, Tweet, email or text. Ask yourself if what you’re posting can adversely affect your case in any way, shape or form. If you have already committed any of the aforementioned offenses, consider getting a good divorce attorney to help you save face and your case.

DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014

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Condemned to Survive: One Man’s Perspective Divorce is never an easy subject to discuss, especially for men. And I have had the misfortune of experiencing the devastation of divorce twice in my life. I agreed to share my story in the hopes that other men in this situation will know that they are not alone in their feelings, and that there is life after divorce.

I took full advantage of the opportunity to be a good, supportive father, and am extremely proud of the way in which I handled the custody situation. I maintained a sense of honor and raised my children to be confidant, accomplished young adults, one of the things for which I am immensely proud.

I married the first time in 1974 at the age of 21, to a wonderful woman with whom I shared a number of interests, but at such a young age was not quite sure what it really meant to “be in love”. I knew that I loved her, but realized after a few months that there was no overwhelming physical “spark” in our relationship. In those times it was both typical, and expected, for men to marry, have children, make a decent living and live the American dream.

I have, however recently discovered that the circumstances of both of my divorces have had some unexpected affects on my sense of self. I have not been in a longterm, committed relationship in over two decades now, and recently admitted to a friend that I almost “expect abandonment” in relationships, and therefore have avoided being in one. I have been dealing with bouts of depression and my self-confidence has been at an all-time low. On the advise of a friend I have sought counseling, which is helping to shed some light on the issues that I now face as an “empty nester”.

We had two children together. At some point I began to feel as if there was something missing in my life, and I chose to fill that void with a one-night stand. I shared the news of my indiscretion with my wife, which of course led to our separation and subsequent divorce. It was short, and not very sweet, but we made peace and went our separate ways. Following the divorce, I continued the relationship with the woman with whom I had the affair, and she became my second wife a couple of years later. She was gorgeous, intelligent and accomplished in her own right, and we had two wonderful children together who are the lights of my life. A few years into our marriage, the industry in which I worked took a sudden and devastating downturn. This inevitably caused money problems, and with the ebb of the money tide I began to feel my wife’s withdrawal of affection, as if her approval became dependent on my income. A woman has no idea how much a man needs the approval of his wife, and no idea how devastating the removal of it can be to his state of mind. This came as quite a surprise to me and left me feeling emotionally abandoned. That desertion inevitably led to divorce number two. Since we had two young children involved, custody issues began to take a toll on what remained of our somewhat civil co-parenting relationship. Though my experience with the family court system was a bitter one, I did end up with my kids every other weekend and alternate holidays. My close proximity allowed me to achieve my goal of being a parent and positive influence in their lives. DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014

Our life experiences, both good and bad, are all the sum of our decisions, both conscious and unconscious. The hardships and heartache that I have both caused and received have presented many challenges. They have taught me that there is no temporary gratification that is worth doing significant damage to good people. Overcoming significant obstacles throughout the course of my second marriage has also taught me the value of honor, commitment, and the true source of fulfillment both as a father and as a man. I have maintained good relationships with both of my former wives. A lesson learned; just because one may have the right to prove a point, does not make that the best course of action. Staying friendly with the ex’s wasn’t easy, but with effort on all of our parts, was definitely the best for our equanimity as well as the kids’ psychological well-being. To quote Don Henley “if you keep carrying that anger it will eat you up inside”. The obstacles overcome, commitments kept and the honorable fashion in which I conducted myself over the past couple of decades is at once a blessing and a curse. It gives me pride in knowing I’ve become not only a good father but also a good man. It has also shown me what I am capable of overcoming and achieving. I’m afraid that I am condemned to survive. So now what the hell do I do with the rest of my life :)

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Your Divorce Mission Statement Below is an excerpt from chapter 1, pages 4-9 of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life written by Diana Mercer. It is the editors pick as the first step on the path to recovery. If you have recently filed for divorce or at the end of the process, you can write a mission statement for your a healthy divorce. Together, we can change the course of how divorce is handled in our culture. It’s time for peaceful divorce to be the new status quo. If you help pave the way, everyone who divorces will have an easier go of it. Imagine how much family grief could be eliminated if dissolving a marriage meant keeping the peace and embracing the change rather than tearing families apart. The first step is to decide what you want at the end of this process and to spell it out. You’ll need to set goals at the outset so you’ll be able to stay on course when things aren’t going your way. There will be temptation to behave badly during your divorce. Your mission statement will keep you focused.

Divorce Mission Statement A mission statement for your divorce is your compass guiding you away from conflict and toward peace. There will be many tempting distractions during your divorce. Your mission statement will keep you on track.

Laura and Andy’s Divorce Mission Statement Laura and Andy divorced three years into their marriage, when their son John was two years old. Laura asked for the divorce. Andy thought their marriage was fine and was very embarrassed that his young bride wanted to leave him. Laura felt like she owed Andy the decency of handling their divorce with respect and collaboration after having failed to be honest about her feelings that the marriage wouldn’t work even before the wedding. Laura wrote out her divorce mission statement in her notebook and showed it to Andy: At the end of my divorce it will be true that John has two supportive parents, committed to co-parenting, our financial responsibility was divided fairly, and I value what I learned about myself during my divorce and it made me a better person. I’ll do this by putting John’s best interests above my own, focusing on accepting situations rather than manipulating outcomes, and allowing myself time to grieve. As a result I will feel hopeful that I will find love again, confident that I can adjust my lifestyle to my new financial situation, and courageous about facing challenges. Although Andy was still reeling from the news that Laura wanted to get divorced, he appreciated that his wife intended to keep the peace in their divorce and be an effective co-parent for his young son, and that she intended on treating Andy with respect, too, despite the divorce.

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DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014


Your Divorce Mission Statement

My children have two supportive parents committed to co-parenting.

We did not have to go to court to settle our divorce.

We spent as little money as possible on our divorce, preserving assets to be split between us instead of using them to pay lawyers.

Our financial responsibility was divided fairly.

I will make sure that the above statements are realized by doing the following:

I will accept situations rather than manipulating outcomes.

I will focus on what is important, both short term and long term.

I will use written goals and journaling to track my progress.

If your spouse is willing to work on a mission statement with you, do it together. If not, write it on your own and consider sharing it. Your divorce mission statement should focus on your core values for dissolving your marriage and living your life afterward.

I will not use my divorce to punish myself or my spouse.

I will not consider divorce as something that I need to recover from, but rather as something I can heal through.

You can use the following ideas to help you write your divorce mission statement. They are intended as a guide only, and we encourage you to make your own mission statement as personal as possible. You can use the ideas to write your own divorce mission statement, customized to fit your own situation.

I will ask for advice from people who are a positive influence, and then follow that advice.

I will put my children’s best interests above my own.

I will take care of myself physically and emotionally.

I will forgive myself and my spouse for getting divorced.

I will focus on moving forward rather than getting bogged down in the past.

Writing your own divorce mission statement will help you stay on track with your goals and values. You can write it out yourself, or use the interactive version by clicking here: http://www.makingdivorcework.com/ divorcemission.html Living your mission doesn’t mean an overhaul of your personality. The past is the past and it doesn’t matter now how you got here. If how you got here is of real concern to you, consider addressing the issue with a professional counselor, your doctor, or a support group. This is about moving forward and making sure your thoughts and behavior are in line with what you deeply care about.

At the end of my divorce, I want the following to be true:

I still respect my former spouse and our relationship is friendly, cordial, and civil.

I realize my marriage was not a complete mistake and value the years I was with my spouse.

Our children understand and are reminded that our divorce is not their fault.

I am committed to being cooperative and respectful when my spouse engages with the world as a single person (dating, working, making new friends, etc.).

I took responsibility for any feelings of abandonment, rejection, fear, anger, grief, and guilt I had, without blaming or shaming my spouse.

I was kind and honest throughout the entire process.

DIVORCE | 702 MAGAZINE Issue 1 Vol. 1 October/November 2014

Write up your own divorce mission statement in your notebook. Refine it until it feels right to you. Your divorce mission statement will serve as a reminder of who you want to be at the end of your divorce. The hard work of staying in touch with your mission, and realigning your behaviors to fit with your mission, will be worth it. Diana Mercer is an Attorney-Mediator and the founder of Peace Talks Mediation Services in Los Angeles, For more resources and help with your mission statement, please visit http://www.makingdivorcework. com/divorcemission.html

Submission Request: Please contribute your divorce mission statement to the editor via email at divoce702magazine@gmail. com. Submission will be printed in the January 2015 issue. Please submit your statement no later than November 15, 2014.

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Easy Recipe Cooking with kids is an activity you can do together. Cooking time is bonding time. When you cook together, kids feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves. They feel responsible, because you are trusting them with an important family task. That, in turn, makes them behave more responsibly, and relieves you of the burden of preparing the family meal alone. So skip the drive through tonight. Here’s a simple recipe to try at home. *Bean and Cheese Tacos (Bold Type) *Blue or Yellow Corn Taco Shells *2 cans of S&W Chili Beans or Pinto Beans *Salsa (Optional) *1 cup shredded lettuce *4 cups of Shredded Mexican Blend Cheese


Rebecca Miller, Esq Domestic Relations Attorney Litigation and Mediation Phone:702-998-1500

w w w.vanessahelpshomeowners.com


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The end of a relationship is never easy. Sometimes you don’t know if it’s over. Sometimes you do. When you start asking questions, it’s nice to find someone with answers. The goal of the group is to help men and women transition through divorce and come out feeling healthier and happier. To create a transformative event from the trials and tribulations of the divorce experience. We support each other in exercising, socializing and facing our fears of the unknown world ahead. We can create a strong community to support each other and meet the challenges that lie ahead. • Golf Activities

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D | 702 Magazine Premier  

Divorce | 702 Magazine is a resource for men and women in Southern NV navigating the divorce process with information to cope with the trans...

D | 702 Magazine Premier  

Divorce | 702 Magazine is a resource for men and women in Southern NV navigating the divorce process with information to cope with the trans...

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