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The Hot Tub Theory By Michael Brawley

Michael Brawley 101 Ludlow Street 917-647-7833 mbrawley@sva.edu


INT. BAR - NIGHT JASON is sitting in a booth with CHUCK. Their friend DANNY comes over and sits across from them. DANNY I’m gonna do it. JASON Uh. Hi. DANNY Hi. I’m gonna do it. JASON That’s great. DANNY Don’t you want to know what I’m doing? JASON I don’t. CHUCK Come on, Jason. JASON I’m sorry, I’ll lie. Yes, god please tell us. DANNY I’m going to tell Emma how I feel. CHUCK That’s great man. JASON Horrible idea. DANNY Why is that horrible? JASON It’s weird. You only met her in person today. DANNY That’s not my fault. She just moved here. But we hung out all day. She’s upstairs in my dorm right now.

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CHUCK You guys have been online friends for like 6 months. You talk everyday. You’re gonna be fine, Danny. JASON What’s the one word you just said that proves it wont end well. "Friend". You’ve been her friend for the past 6 months. That means you’ve gone from, ’Oh hey this guy’s awesome, I’ll take him back to my hot tub and make out all night" to "Oh, Danny? Yeah he’s just like my brother." CHUCK Why do you think every hot girl has a hot tub? JASON And no girl wants to do their brother. Well, no girl north of Alabama. DANNY Okay first, gross. B, she doesn’t have a hot tub. And three, I’ve been getting some pretty good vibes all day. JASON Okay, you’re a film major. Let me put this in terms you’d understand. For every film, that has ever been made, in the history of all the movies, every single conflict and horrible event that happens in said film is because some guy liked a girl. CHUCK Every movie? JASON Yep. DANNY King Kong.

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JASON Ape falls in love with that blond chick, does everything to protect her and what happens? He falls off the empire state building. CHUCK The Dark Knight. JASON Joker sets a trap for Rachel and Harvey to trick Batman. Batman leaves to save Rachel because he loved her but wound up saving Harvey by accident. Rachel goes boom and a new super villain, Two-Face, is created. DANNY The Terminator. JASON Kyle Reese dies protecting Sarah Conner. She’s the mother of the guy who sent Kyle into the past. If she and Kyle never hooked up, that kid never would have existed and he’d still be alive today. CHUCK Star Wars. JASON Come on. What was the final straw that turned Anakin into Darth Vader. He thought Padme turned on him. If they never met, the galaxy would’ve been awesome. And those prequels wouldn’t exist. Which would make everyone happy. CHUCK What about Titanic. You cant blame the iceberg on two people liking each other. JASON The iceberg is irrelevant. Here’s my impression of Rose at the end of Titanic. "Oh no Jack I’ll never let go. Hehehe just kidding. Enjoy your watery grave."

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CHUCK We’ve been over this a million times. There was no way they could have both fit on the door. JASON That door was huge! You could have fit at least 3 people on that thing. CHUCK Okay, maybe you could have but the weight of more than one person would have caused it to sink and then they both would have drowned! JASON There was no way of knowing that! DANNY Okay! I’ve made up my mind. I’m going upstairs to tell her. CHUCK Good for you. JASON 20 bucks says its a no. DANNY Done. CUT TO: 10 MINUTES LATER DANNY ENTERS THE BAR AND WALKS UP TO JASON DANNY Here. Danny hands him 20 dollars. JASON Every time.

The Hot Tub Theory  

A man becomes discouraged when his best friend shares his views on relationships.