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of a twenty-four-hour executive.” “I need to get the boys by 10 p.m.,” Susan answered. “So this will be a bare bones version of our situation.” “Good enough for me.” Ȥ“ģ´ĉď“ąď´®ÅòÔëÅĤÔďÒÒÔĉ¨òĤòąá´ąĉÄòą“Ȧ®´§ąÔ´ķëÅ session’ after work several years ago. He’d waltz in the door ĉ´ģ´ą“äÒòĔąĉä“ď´ąÄòąďÒ´ķąĉďĉÔĩêòëďÒĉȊÄď´ąďғďȅÒ´ĉď“ąď´® ĉäÔĂĂÔëÅÔëďòďÒą´´òąêòą´ÒòĔąĉȊ6ķąĉďďÒòĔÅÒďÔďêÔÅÒ林 another woman, but I found out he was addicted to alcohol. He didn’t agree with me at the time.” Susan shook her head. “After one of our sessions in Sunday school on honesty, I asked him what was going on. He told me he may have had a problem with alcohol, but he was getting better and would start coming home earlier, especially for the boys. They were complaining big time that they hardly ever saw their dad.” “May I ask you a question?” Carlton said. “Yes.” “Since we are discussing nɳ/éċü Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz in Sunday School, we might work on each agreement as preparation for our weekly class. Would you make a commitment to do this if Dave concurs?” “Yes, absolutely.” Susan smiles. “Just out of curiosity, what are the four agreements?” “ģ´Ò´ä®ĔĂÒÔĉķëÅ´ąĉ“ë®ďԨᴮòÄÄďÒ´“ëĉĤ´ąĉȊȤǶș´ ÔêĂ´¨¨“§ä´ĤÔďÒĪòĔąĤòą®ȏǷș®òëȧďď“á´“ëĪďÒÔëÅĂ´ąĉòë“ääĪȏǸș ®òëȧďê“á´“ĉĉĔêĂďÔòëĉȏ“ë®ǹș“äĤ“Īĉ®òĪòĔą§´ĉďȊT먴Ĥ´ ķÅĔą´òĔďĤғď´“¨Ò“Åą´´ê´ëď괓ëĉďòĪòĔąēêÔäĪȅĤ´¨“ë measure how well each member keeps their agreements. The ĉ¨“ä´ĤÔääÅòÄąòêǶȊǵȘ®ò´ĉëȧďá´´Ă“Åą´´ê´ëďĉșďòǼȊǵȘÒòëòąĉ ´“¨Òê´ê§´ą§Īá´´ĂÔëÅďÒ´Ôą“Åą´´ê´ëďĉșȅĤÔďÒǹȊǵȘá´´Ăĉ “Åą´´ê´ëďĉ“§òĔďғäÄďÒ´ďÔê´ș§´ÔëÅêÔ®®ä´ÅąòĔë®Ȋȥ Susan nodded. “Making and keeping agreements will give us more time to care for each other and reduce the friction in our family.” “Another area for improvement, after completing nɳ/éċü Agreements, might be something called Family Infrastructure (by DòģÔďďșȊnÒ´“ą´“ĉďò§´®´ķë´®“ë®®Ôĉ¨Ĕĉĉ´®Ĥ´´áäĪ“ą´ȄǶșKÔĉ-

ĉÔòëȚƒÒĪ®òĤ´´ĩÔĉďȋǷș‚ÔĉÔòëȚƒÒ“ď®òĤ´Ĥ“ëďďò§´¨òê´ “ĉ“ēêÔäĪȋTąĤғď®òĤ´Ĥ“ëďďò®´ķë´ĔĉȋǸș‚“äĔ´ĉȚÔ®´ëďÔÄĪȅĂąÔòąÔďÔİ´ȅ“뮨òêêÔďďò´“¨Òȏǹș´äÔ´ÄĉȚÔ®´ëďÔÄĪȅĂąÔòąÔďÔİ´ȅ “ë®ȩ¨òêêÔďďò´“¨ÒȏǺșiď“뮓ą®ĉȚĤғďĤ´ĉď“ë®Äòą§“ĉ´®òë êÔĉĉÔòëȅģÔĉÔòëȅģ“äĔ´ĉȅ“뮧´äÔ´ÄĉȚÔ®´ëďÔķ´®ȅĂąÔòąÔďÔİ´®ȅ“ë® committed to each—“ Susan interrupted. “Slow down a little. You’re getting ahead of me.” Ȥ6áëòĤÔďĉòĔë®ĉäÔá´“äòďȅ§Ĕď6ďÒÔëáĪòĔȧääķë®ÔďĤòąďÒĤÒÔä´Ȋ Okay for me to go on now?” When Susan nodded, Carlton ¨òëďÔëĔ´®ȊȤǻșòĔë®aries—fences built for others that create space for us psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually, among òďÒ´ą“ą´“ĉȏǼș4òê´ ground rules—includes opportunities for keeping family space clean, inviting, “ë®äÔģ“§ä´ȏǽșeĔä´ĉ of Engagement— Listening, Non-Defensive Listening, Care-Frontation, Managing by Agreement, Validation, Problem-Solving to Reengineering, and Inquiry to Dialogue. nÒÔĉĤÔääą´“Ăê“ëĪ§´ë´ķďĉÄòąĪòĔąēêÔäĪȅȥ“ąäďòëĉ“Ô®Ȋ One of the nurses approached Susan and Carlton and said, “Dave has eaten and is asking for his family.” Susan and Carlton walked to Dave’s room. After hugging Susan and shaking Carlton’s hand, Dave asked about the twins. “They’re staying with Mary and Sean until I return from the hospital. I’ll bring them by in the afternoon if you want. They’re anxious to see you.” “Please do. I have an apology for them and you, Susan.” Carlton reached for Susan’s hand. “I’m so glad to see y’all. I gave myself a real scare. Things are going to change. I don’t know ĤғďďÒ´Īȧääķë®ĤÒ´ë6ď“á´ďÒ´ď´ĉďĉȅ§Ĕď6ȧê®´ď´ąêÔë´®ďò become a better husband and father.” “Carlton, do you remember our conversation about the Aztec Indian Prayer?” Dave asked. “As the Aztecs thank the Creator for their breath and life, they acknowledge that they are only on loan to each other for a short while.” Dave answered, “I’ve decided to treat my family and friends as they want to be treated from this day forward.” I

I’VE DECIDED TO TREAT MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AS THEY WANT TO BE TREATED FROM THIS DAY FORWARD.”

16 | APRIL / MAY 2017 | ÔëĸĔ´ë¨´ĉ“Ȋ¨òê

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San Antonio Influence  

April/ May 2017

San Antonio Influence  

April/ May 2017