Issuu on Google+









16. SALENA ROSE Brand-new adult performer Selena Rose has signed on to become Digital Playground’s newest and youngest contract star. The 19-year-old Cuban stunner shot her first-ever film just days after signing with Digital Playground.







24. HONDA CB1000R When you look at the new CB1000R, you see a motorcycle with roots that stretch back to the seminal four-cylinder classic CB750K0 introduced by Honda in 1969. Yet at the same time the CB1000R carries a sporting heritage so modern that it will attract many of today's most sophisticated and demanding street riders.

40. THIS MONTH IN HISTORY There is more to January than you ever knew. We reveal some of the most significant and strange occurrences that took place throughout history in January.

46. FIGHTING VS. SEX The age-old idea that a lengthy romp the night before makes for a poor fight the next day has been argued since Ancient Greece and Rome. The theory is that ejaculation releases the much-needed testosterone and energy that is vital for an aggressive fighter. Therefore, the tradition of abstinence is prevalent in aggressive sports such as boxing and MMA fighting.

54. RULES OF ENGAGEMENT Chances are, if you're looking to pop the question, you're a little lost on how to get it right. Whether or not it's going to be a surprise to your soon-to-be, the task of purchasing the ring is a huge task. As far as financially, this is probably going to be one of the largest purchases to date, so take note to these tips to help you navigate your way to nuptials. "Schevelle" and shot her for our magazine and asked her how things were going. Find out what she had to say on page 16.




Images of Selena Rose are courtesy of :


Chase Thomas DesirePublisher@Aol.Com 813.230.6396

ART DIRECTOR / DESIGN Dustin Drudy of DesireDesigner@Aol.Com 813.857.5916

© 2011 Desire Magazine ® is published monthly. Reproduction of content strictly prohibited. (Means you can not be a copy cat) Desire Magazine R Publisher & Editor assumes no financial responsibility for errors in ads beyond the cost of the space occupied by error; coupons, or lack of fulfillment from advertisers who are solely responsible for contents of their ads.(Ok, that means if we screw up on your ad we will give you one for free and that we have nothing to do with coupons and the stuff that the ads say) Desire Magazine does not condone or promote prostitution, or any form of solicitation, or any illegal acts of any kind; Especially harm against animals in any way, shape or form.( This means we are not trying to help anyone make a sexual connection in trade for money and be very nice to all animals) Publisher is also to be held harmless from: failure to produce any issues as scheduled due to reasons beyond their control; all suits, claims or loss of expenses; this includes, but is not limited to, suits for libel, plagiarism, copyright infringement and unauthorized use of a person’s name or photograph.(This means if we did something we were not suppose to do; were sorry and if you tell us we won’t do it again) Publisher & Editor do not promote excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages. (So don’t be a dummy and don’t drink and drive) Due to the active nature of the adult entertainment business, there may be personal scheduling changes after deadlines affecting availability of models depicted in ads.(Not exactly sure what that means) All models pictured are 18 years of age or older. This publication contains adult material and should not be distributed or sold to minors under the age of 18. (So don’t give this to kids!!!)The name Desire Magazine is a nationally registered trademark, exclusively owned by Chase Thomas.


agazin www.desirem


Rebecca Wolanin DesireEditor@Aol.Com 727.460.7721

Images of Jesse Jane® are compliments of





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5 ▼ HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY DANCE CLUBS 1 ALIBI 900 North Dale Mabry Tampa 33609 813-875-0262 2 Chic’s Gentlemen’s Club 9002 N. Florida Ave. Tampa 33604 813-915-0819

8 Hollywood Nites 3003 N. Howard Ave. Tampa 33607 813-978-3691 9 Library Lounge 10924 N. Nebraska Ave. Tampa 33612 813-971-5596 10 The Penthouse Club 1801 N. Westshore Blvd. Tampa 33607 813-288-9200

3 Class Act 14731 N. Florida Ave. Tampa 33613 813-969-4077

11 Scores 2310 N. Dale Mabry Hwy Tampa 33607 813-875-7912

4 Envy 3447 W. Kennedy Blvd Tampa 33609 813-871-2410

12 Starlite Lounge 9700 N. Nebraska Ave. Tampa 33612 813-932-6752

5 Evolution Cabaret 11011 US Hwy. 41 South Gibsonton 33534 813-443-5840

13 Tampa Gold Club 6222 E. Adamo Dr. Tampa 33619 813-622-7899

7 Foxy’s Showbar 13415 N. Nebraska Ave. Tampa 33612 813-978-3691

14 Thee Crazy Horse 8829 W Hillsborough Ave Tampa 33615 813-443-0981 15 Wild 3260 W. Hillsborough Ave. Tampa 33614 813-849-0646





16 Deja Vu Showgirls 6805 Adamo Dr. Tampa 33619 813-664-8784

24 4-Play Video 3 3630 S. 50th St. Tampa 33619 813-241-4291

17 Emperor’s Gentlemen’s Club 5718 E. Adamo Dr. Tampa 33619 813-630-0707

25 Adult Cinema Video 5006 N. Grady Ave. Tampa 33614 813-879-0592

18 Lipstixx 5215 N. Lois Ave. Tampa 33614 813-875-5477 19 Mons Venus 2040 N. Dale Mabry Hwy. Tampa 33607 813-875-2762 20 Platinum Showgirls 4009 MLK Blvd. Tampa 33614 813-877-9237 21 Scarlett’s @ Ybor Strip 3819 7th Ave. Tampa 33605 813-241-6969 23 Skin Ultra Lounge 1620 E. Adamo Dr. Tampa 33605 813-242-9600

26 Adult World 5215 N. Lois Ave. Tampa 33614 813-414-0928 27 Fantasyland 4715 N. Lois Ave. Tampa 33614 813-873-7564 28 Hot Flixxx 1715 N. 50th St. Tampa 33619 813-241-2500 29 Pink Pony Supercenter 4404 N. Grady Tampa 33614 813-874-8697 30 Planet X 9921 E. Adamo Dr. Tampa 33619 813-740-8484 32 Playhouse 4421 N. Hubert Ave. Tampa 33614 813-873-9235

33 Pleasures Video 5402 N. 56th St. Tampa 33610 813-664-1387 34 Thee Love Shack 3910 W. Osborne Ave. Tampa 33614 813-874-6833 35 The Todd Adult Video 13417 N. Nebraska Ave. Tampa 33612 813-221-0099 37 Tres Equis Video Store 6222 E. Adamo Dr. Tampa 33619 813-740-8664 38 XTC Supercenter 4829 N. Lois Ave. Tampa 33614 813-871-6900 SWINGERS CLUBS 39 Eyes Wide Shut 8504 Adamo Dr. Tampa 33619 813-620-1234 RETAIL SERVICE 40 JFreemans Night Life 5617 Adamo Dr. Tampa 33619 813-621-7318

41 Stadium Pawn 2302 N. Dale Mabry Hwy. Tampa 33607 813-873-7296 LINGERIE MODELING 42 ALLURE 107 N. Armenia Ave Tampa 33609 813-251-4884 42 Gemini 4345 W. Kennedy Blvd. Tampa 33609 813- 282-9698 43 Primitive 1051 W. Busch Blvd. Tampa 33612 813-915-8900 44 Secrets 3260 W. Hillsborough Ave. Ste. 111 Tampa 33614 813-443-0761 PINELLAS COUNTY DANCE CLUBS

4 Bliss Cabaret 3860 Ulmerton Rd. Clearwater 33771 727-573-0303 5 Club Atlantis 11600 66th St. N. Largo 33773 727-545-5515 6 Diamond Dolls 16361 US Hwy. 19 N. Clearwater 33764 727-538-2295 7 Mermaids Gentlemen’s Club 7500 Blind Pass Rd. St. Pete 33706 727-363-6833 8 Oasis 24652 US Hwy. 19 N. Clearwater 33763 727-799-4702 10 Oz 13577 US Hwy. 19 N Clearwater 33764 727-533-9880

1 24 K 16717 US Hwy. 19 N. Clearwater 33764 727-538-2458

11 Pandora’s Box 7400 Park Blvd. Pinellas Park 33781 727-546-3281

2 Angels Nude 14411 US Highway 19 N Clearwater, FL 33764 (727) 412-8724

12 Personalitys 20866 US Hwy. 19 N. Clearwater 33765 727-797-6111

13 Silk Stockings 37100 US Hwy. 19 N. Palm Harbor 34684 727-938-8101

30 Fantasy In Lingerie 5944 34th St. N. St. Pete 33765 727-527-9519

10 42nd Street Video 18329 US Hwy. 19 N. Hudson 34667 727-869-0313

6 C&J Bookmart 4949 14th St. W. Bradenton 34207 941-755-9076


31 Hide -A- Way Lounge 4131 Louis Ave. Ste.#9 Tarpon Springs 34691 727-485-7373

11 Pasco Pussycat 6604 Orchid Lake Rd. New Port Richey 34653 813-845-5592

7 Emerald City 1225 Tamiami Trail Port Charlotte 33953 941-766-1161

32 Studio X 10387 Gandy Blvd. Ste. 105. St. Pete 33702 727-244-4552

12 Pure Pleasure of Pasco 12419 US Hwy. 19 N. Hudson 34667 727-697-3699

8 Fantasies of Venice 1938 S. Tamiami Trail Venice 34293 941-496-9291

14 Angels Nude 14411 US Hwy. 19 N. Clearwater 33764 727-412.8724 VIDEO/BOOK STORES 15 4-Play Video 1 35936 US Hwy. 19 N. Palm Harbor 34684 727-789-0310. 16 4-Play Video 2 7690 Ulmerton Rd. Largo 33771 727-535-3859 17 Adult Factory Outlet 14100 66th St. Largo 33771 727-536-5595 18 Adult Video Emporium 8855 Ulmerton Rd. Largo 33771 727-535-9550 19 Entertainment Center 40457 US 19 N. Tarpon Springs 34689 727-942-4600 20 Naughty N Nice 27841 US Hwy 19 N. Clearwater FL 33761 727-725-7586 21 Temptations 11203 49th St. Clearwater 33762 727-299-0272 22 Videos & More 3627 Tyrone Blvd. St. Pete 33710 727-347-1866 23 XTC Minicenter 5944 34th St. N. Ste. 37 St. Pete 33714 727-522-1776 24 XTC Supercenter 6535 142nd Ave. N. Clearwater 33764 727-539-0004 25 XTC Supercenter 4800 34th St. S. (US 19) St. Pete 33711 727-865-6977 26 XXX-Clusive Adult 1163 N. Hercules Ave. Clearwater 33765 727-446-4840 27 Zone D’ Erotica 12880 US Hwy. 19 N. Clearwater 33764 727-524-3604 LINGERIE/MODELING 29 Fantasy In Lingerie 2426 Gulf to Bay Blvd. Clearwater 33765 727-797-8082

33 Suite 110 10387 Gandy Blvd. St. Pete 33702 727-217-4110 RETAIL/SERVICES 34 Intimate Essentials 12535 66th St. N. Largo 33773 727-536-4849 35 Shhh...Don’t Tell Momma 450 75th Ave. St. Pete Beach 33706 727-363-0404 ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE 36 Master’s Quest 12517 66th St. N. Largo 33773 (727) 507-8627 PASCO COUNTY NUDE CLUBS

LINGERIE/MODELING 13 Luxurious Lingerie 2839 US Hwy. 19 N. Holiday 34691 727-942-1366 14 Platinum Lingerie 13319 US Hwy. 19 N. Hudson 34667 727-863-2800 15 Risque Lingerie 8514 SR 52 Hudson 34667 727-862-6295 SWINGERS CLUB 16 Club Elite 89721 US Hwy. 19 N. New Port Richey 34668 727-845-8808 PALMETTO & SOUTH DANCE CLUBS

1 Bare Assets 1406 US Hwy. 19 N. Holiday 34691 727-937-9333

1 Pandora’s Box Gentlemen’s Club 3824 US Hwy. 41 N. Palmetto 34221 941-723-0704

2 Brass Flamingo 9034 US Hwy. 19 N. Port Richey 34668 727-847-3774

2 Stogies Gentlemen’s Club 1225 Tamiami Trail Port Charlotte 33953 941-766-1161

3 Calendar Girls 16309 US Hwy.19 N. Hudson 34667 727-868-3949


4 Diamonds 3935 Grand Blvd. New Port Richey 34652 727-848-0886

1 Cheetah Lounge 3939 N. Washington Blvd. Sarasota 34234 941-351-0469

5 Emperors Pasco 2851 US Hwy. 19 N. Holiday 34691 727-943-1925

2 Emerald City 1225 Tamiami Trail Port Charlotte 33953 941-766-1161

6 Foxy 4223 US Hwy. 19 N. New Port Richey 34652 727-844-3553 7 Lollipops 18329 US Hwy. 19 N. Hudson 34667 727-863-3350 8 Players Club 18728 US Hwy. 19 N. Hudson 34667 727-869-2273 VIDEO / BOOK STORES 9 42nd Street Video 2843 US Hwy. 19 N. Holiday 34691 727-945-8474

9 Fantasies 2414 S. Tamiami Trail Port Charlotte 33952 941-629-7587


10 Mystiques 4523 Bee Ridge Rd. Sarasota 34233 941-379-3999 11 Romanitx 7338 S. Tamiami Trail Sarasota 34231 941-923-7626 12 Video World 4591 Bee Ridge Rd. Sarasota 34232 941-377-6469 13 XTC Supercenter 2092 17th St. Sarasota 34234 941-366-6969 14 XTC Supercenter 1622 S. Tamiami Trail Venice 34293 941-492-2000 15 XTC Supercenter 1008 Cortez Rd. Bradenton 34207 941-708-6969 LINGERIE/MODELING 16 Body Works Spa 1410 Commerce Blvd. Sarasota 34243 941-355-8770 17 Platinum Sensations 5688 25th St. Circle E Bradenton 34203 941-567-6151

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18 VIP Relaxation Spa 2407 1st St. East Bradenton 34208 941-750-8311

VIDEO/BOOKSTORES 3 Adult Fun Shop 5608 14th St. W. Bradenton 941-753-1988 4 Adult Fun Shop 5900 S. Tamiami Trail #B Sarasota 34231 941-921-4928 4 Adult Pursuits 3480 17th St. Sarasota 34235 941-366-3501



5 Adult Pursuits 5759 Beneva Rd. Sarasota 34233 941-923-2815




COLE HAAN SHOE CARE KIT If you're spending big money on a pair of shoes, you should at least try and keep them looking good. The Cole Haan Shoe Care Kit ($230) can help with that. It includes multiple brushes, a polishing cloth, and a finelooking shoe horn, all encased in a handsome leather box with suede interior and a piano hinge. Or you could just keep paying the shoe shine guy every day — it's up to you.

THE 4-HOUR BODY If you can cram an entire workweek into four hours, why not a workout? The 4-Hour Body ($15) is the latest gem of insight from minimalist maximus Timothy Ferris, offering to teach you how to prevent fat gain when bingeing, produce 15-minute female orgasms, increase fat loss 300% using a few bags of ice, reverse "permanent" injuries, and all sorts of other crazy-but-true hacks that will have you rethinking your gym rat routine.

STADLER FORM WILLIAM ULTRASONIC HUMIDIFIER Keep dry winter air from harming your skin, furniture, and overall health with the Stadler Form William Ultrasonic Humidifier ($230). This stylish ultrasonic humidifier can cover up to 1,000 square feet, and features an on/off time, a sleep mode, a turntable mist diffuser, an Ionic Silver Cube to ward off bacteria, an integrated hygrostat, and a maximum output of 3.5 gallons per day, meaning you might be filling up the 1.5 gallon tank more often than you think.

NIKE ZOOM KOBE VI The Nike Zoom Kobe VI ($TBA) is the latest shoe designed especially for the Lakers' star shooting guard. Carr ying on the "Black Mamba" obsession from earlier models, the VI features Mamba-inspired patterns on the cast urethane outer shell and solid rubber outsole, Zoom Air units in the heel and forefoot, a low-cut profile, sculpted dualdensity sockliner, a three-layer Flywire package to maximize suppor t while reducing weight down to a paltr y 10.6 ounces, and an injected TPU heel counter to provide a better fit, which you'll need if you plan to avoid ridicule when wearing these to your local pick-up game.



M55 HYBRID BIKE Despite the questionable logic of slapping a motor onto a people-powered device and calling it a "hybrid," the M55 Hybrid Bike ($TBA) is still worthy of it's spot on any wish list. It features a built-in electronic motor and battery pack, and uses a sensor to determine when you need extra torque, switching on the motor automatically. Other features include a Fox suspension, Brembo brakes, and an aluminum frame, plus all the smug points that come with owning a "hybrid bicycle."

PANASONIC VORTEX ARC SHAVER It might look a little odd, with its oversized head, but it's that head that helps the Panasonic Vortex Arc Shaver ($180) deliver a consistently close shave. Capable of wet or dry operation, the Arc features an ultra-thin foil, Nanotech blades that cut hairs off at their bases, Multi-Arc floating blades for uniform, even pressure on hard-to-shave spots like the chin, a blue LCD status display, a pop-up trimmer, and a fully automatic cleaning and charging system to ensure it's ready to go when you need it.

TRIGGER POINT FOAM ROLLER Give the gift of a world class massage this holiday with the Trigger Point Foam Roller ($40). Measuring only 13 inches long and five in diameter, this roller is highly portable, and features "Distrodensity Foam Zones" to help you apply varying amounts of pressure, in the hopes of relaxing and releasing tight muscles.







VIZIO 65 THEATER 3D EDGE LIT RAZOR LED LCD HDTV Looking to add some 3D action to your home theater but don't want to deal with the heavy, expensive, dorky-looking active shutter glasses most sets require? Feast your eyes — literally — on the Vizio 65 Theater 3D Edge Lit Razor LED LCD HDTV ($3,500). This 65-inch, 1080p, 120hz set features Vizio's new 3D technology which lets you rock battery-free, lightweight 3D glasses, which the company claims offer a flicker-free experience and brighter images. Other features include smart dimming technology, built-in Dual-Band 802.11n Wi-Fi, Vizio Internet Apps, a Bluetooth Universal Remote with slide-out keyboard, and SRS TruSurround HD audio processing. Ask for it by name ��� just try to get it out before the sales associate loses interest.

GOOGLE NEXUS S For those of you who've been waiting around for Google to release its next spec phone, your handset has arrived. The Google Nexus S ($TBA) is the replacement for the Google's Nexus One, packing new tech like Near Field Communications, a slightly cur ved, four-inch AMOLED Contour Display, and the latest version of Android, version 2.3 — aka Gingerbread. Other wise it's a lot like Samsung's Galaxy S phones — no surprise since they built it — with a 1 GHz processor, 16GB of internal storage, 720p video recording, a 5 megapixel still camera, front-facing camera for video chat, and standard 3G/Wi-Fi/Bluetooth.

DUDDHA RUG Looking for something that will really tie the room together? Throw down a Duddha Rug ($300). This 3 x 5, Lebowski-inspired home furnishing features an image of The Dude as Buddha in the center, surrounded by circular pattern of symbols from the movie — including bowling pins, pot leaves, viking helmets, toilets, scissors, and guns — all framed by the letters "DUDE" in the four corners. Groovy.

TABLE TENNIS TRAINER Unless you've got Gump-like skills, odds are your ping pong game could use some work. That's where the Table Tennis Trainer ($150) comes in. Like a mini tennis ball machine, this handy gadget serves out a steady stream of hard plastic balls with one of three spin settings at a rate of 12 to 70 per minute, or so fast you'll be running on empty in no time.



NORTHERN BREWER STARTER KIT Need a way to pass the time while you're stuck at the house this winter? Why not brew your own beer? The Northern Brewer Starter Kit ($80) includes most of the tools you need to get started, including two six-gallon buckets — one for fermenting, one for bottling — a fermentation lock, tubing, a bottle filler, brush, and capper, 144 bottle caps, a hydrometer, sanitizer, instructions, and a tutorial DVD. All you need are ingredients, a 2.5-gallon or larger kettle for brewing, and a whole bunch of empty bottles — and if you're considering buying this, we're guessing those won't be too hard to come by.

DJAY Ever wanted to dabble in the dark arts of DJing, but lack the funds to buy a room full of specialized equipment? Now all you need is an iPad. Djay ($20) is a full-on virtual DJ system for the iPad, offering two virtual turntables (unfortunately sans microphone), mixer, tempo, and EQ controls, direct access to your iPad's music library, AirPlay integration, BPM analysis with automatic beat and tempo matching, the ability to record your sets, an Automix mode, and support for 4.2 multitasking, so it can keep playing the background while you sneak in a couple stages of Angry Birds.

75 YEARS OF DC COMICS It might seem hard for those of us born in the last 30 or so years to believe, but comic books didn't exist as few as 80 years ago — and few, if any companies played a more integral role in their development than DC. Now you can celebrate this rich heritage with 75 Years Of DC Comics: The Ar t Of Modern Mythmaking ($125). Weighing in at 15 lbs. and 720 pages, this oversized — roughly 18.5 x 13 — ode to all things DC includes over 2,000 images that help to illustrate the prose, which includes an in-depth look at the company's histor y and future, along with biographies of the comic legends who worked there. The ultimate gif t for any comic book fan — unless, of course, they're a Mar vel fanboy.

DELL INSPIRON DUO While Apple fans are stuck choosing between the magic of the iPad or the impossibly thin curves of the MacBook Air, PC users can get the best of both worlds in the Dell Inspiron Duo ($550). This hybrid netbook/tablet features a flip-around 10.1-inch screen that functions as a normal display in notebook mode, but becomes the touch-friendly basis for Dell's customized, mediafriendly duo Stage software when flipped to the outside. Windows 7 Home Premium, two USB ports, an integrated webcam, and an Intel Atom processor round out the specs, which sit right in between the two aforementioned fruity options.






4829 N. Lois Ave. 813.871.6900


6535 142nd Ave. N. 727.539.0004

N. ST. PETERSBURG 5944 34th St. N. 727.522.1776

ST. PETERSBURG 4800 34th St. S. 727.865.6977


1008 Cortez Rd. W. 941.708.6969


2092 17th St. 941.366.6969


1622 S. Tamiami Trail 941.492.2000






400 $ 200




CALL TODAY: 813.230.6396






Images of Salena Rose are courtesy of :










Newest Addition




my life Funny, true stories, unless they happen to you. After taking my jacket off at work, I found a large faint stain all across one side of my shirt. Turns out that my fiance had used it to "clean up the bed." I am the manager of a supermarket with 40 employees. It was pretty obvious what it was. F*@k my life

My gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. F*@k my life

I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me. In the most sincere and honest tone, he said, "if I ever have or ever will, there's no way you would ever find out. I love you too much to lose you," and gave me a hug. F*@k my life

I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." F*@k my life

I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. F*@k my life I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. F*@k my life I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. F*@k my life I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. #1. I was wearing a condom. #2. Shes on the pill. #3. We were having anal sex. F*@k my life My boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" F*@k my life


The only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. F*@k my life DESIREMAGAZINE JANUARY 2011

I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" F*@k my life While talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. F*@k my life My girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." F*@k my life I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me a disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. F*@k my life My wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. F*@k my life I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. F*@k my life I went to a strip club with friends. After accepting a dance offer from a cute girl, we went to the back room where she sat in my lap and told how I creeped her out because I looked like her ex-boyfriend. She talked the whole time. I paid $22 to get in the friend zone with a stripper. F*@k my life I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been normal, except one of my teammates was playing with his junk and subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. F*@k my life

My dad asked me for a word that rhymes with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. F*@k my life I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. F*@k my life I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." F*@k my life My boyfriend suggested we imagine each other as someone else when we had sex. I imagined he was Tom Cruise. He imagined I was my best friend. F*@k my life I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. F*@k my life I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. F*@k my life I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. F*@k my life I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. F*@k my life I flashed my boobs at my boyfriend's boss. My boyfriend was wearing tan pants and a black sweater. His boss was wearing black pants and a tan sweater. From 100 feet away they looked the same until my boyfriend came behind me wanting to know what I was doing. F*@k my life

graphic design | websites | printing

5000 flyers



including design. 14pt. UV coated





A Distinctive High-Performance Honda




When you look at the new CB1000R, you see a motorcycle with roots that stretch back to the seminal four-cylinder classic CB750K0 introduced by Honda in 1969. Yet at the same time the CB1000R carries a sporting heritage so modern that it will attract many of today's most sophisticated and demanding street riders. Credit its clean, essentials-only styling, and a fuel-injected fourcylinder 998cc powerplant tuned for loads of right-now power. Sophisticated Gravity Die-Cast technology creates a mono-backbone aluminum frame that is strong yet features thin-wall construction for light weight. The distinctive single-sided aluminum swingarm features a single rear shock with spring preload and rebounddamping adjustability for excellent rear suspension action. And




"The CB1000R fills a great position in today's market as we now bring a very capable sport machine packed with high-performance features to riders who focus on street use—wherever and whatever their destination may be. Whether it's a quick trip down a favorite backroad, a weeklong ride through a few states, or anything in between, the CB1000R is versatile enough to do it all." - Honda



there's a fully adjustable 43mm inverted fork and radial-mounted dual 310mm disc brakes up front. Perhaps best of all, the roomy seating position delivers excellent rider comfort and tremendous versatility for long-distance travel and two-up riding. With all these features and more, the 2011 CB1000R is the most modern iteration of a long line of much-respected high-performance unfaired four-cylinder bikes—the classic hot-rod Hondas. Available in Pearl Black beginning in Spring 2011.





MICROSOFT ARC TOUCH MOUSE Playing the Darth Vader to Apple's pristinely white Magic Mouse, the Microsoft Arc Touch Mouse ($70) is a funny-looking, ergonomically-sound pointing device. The flexible palm rest allows you to flatten the mouse to turn it off and make it more suitable for packing, while the metallic middle strip lets you perform Apple-esque gestures to quickly and easily move around your documents, and a teeny-tiny transceiver keeps clutter to a minimum.

SHUN HIGO NOKAMI GENTLEMAN'S KNIFE Who said you had to be at home to enjoy the precision of a Shun blade? The Shun Higo Nokami Gentleman's Knife ($100) lets you bust out your culinary cutting skills wherever the need arises, with a locking foldout six-inch blade made from high-carbon stainresistant VG-10 steel, a resin-infused PakkaWood handle with an inlaid silver and brass samurai family crest emblem, and an included black lacquer box with leather sheath. Good for cutting everything from steak to sushi.

BULLERJAN FURNACE When it comes to heating a room or house in the dead of winter, who are we to argue with Canadian lumberjacks? The Bullerjan Furnace ($TBA) employs a crazy engine-like design to move air from the bottom to the top vents, heating it on the way by. Meanwhile, the unique design also allows for even burn up and lengthy heat retention, getting the most out of the wood it burns.

SUGRU Got a gadget that needs fixed, a handle that's rubbing you the wrong way, or just an urge to play with the adult equivalent of Play-doh? Get yourself some Sugru ($10-$20). This modeling clay/ super glue/alien symbiote forms a lasting bond between a variety of materials, and cures to a tough silicone overnight, making it weatherproof, flexible, and generally indestructible. If only we could say the same about our gadgets.



CRKT EAT'N TOOL We'll leave it up to you to judge the wisdom of eating with the same tool that just helped you repair your mud-covered mountain bike, but if that description doesn't phase you, perhaps you should check out the CRKT Eat'N Tool ($4). This metal wonder serves as a spoon and short-tuned fork, but also packs a bottle opener, screwdriver blade, pry tool, a carabiner, and three metric wrenches into its tiny body, making it the only thing you'll need in your outdoor utensil arsenal.

ROCKWELL H3 HAMMER DRILL Streamline your toolbox with the Rockwell H3 Hammer Drill ($180). This lime green and black 3-in-1 functions as a hammer drill, rotary drill, and hex driver, and features a SDS Plus chuck system to let you switch between modes in a flash, an LED light to illuminate the work area, variable speeds, and a memory-free battery that lets you charge anytime. Now all you need is a project to work on.

WETTERLINGS AXE MAKER'S KIT What's better than carrying around an axe? Carrying around an axe you made yourself. The Wetterlings Axe Maker's Kit ($140) includes everything you need to go from rough stick to finely-honed instrument, including two 20-inch pieces of American hickory, a hand-forged sixinch axe head from Swedish axe makers Wetterlings, wedges, and sandpaper, all of which should let you craft your own Swedish hunting axe that will serve you well for winters to come.




Ask her... SHE KISSES AS IF SHE'S TRYING TO SUCK OFF MY FACE. CAN I CHANGE THAT? Yes, and there are two ways to go about it. If she has a sense of humor and thick skin, you can crack a few jokes about how she smooches like a Dyson or is clearly trying to make out with the wall behind you. But such women are few and far between. For the rest, praise what you enjoy and stay silent about what you don't. Tell her you love when she kisses you softly or gently slides her tongue into your mouth. Never mind that she's never actually done either of those things. She'll get the point and appreciate your sensitivity. HER BEST FRIEND IS A STRAIGHT GUY. SHOULD I CARE? Yes. The problem with her opposite-sex buddy is that he can fill the same needs you do. It's like you're the Nike store and her male best friend is the Reebok shop next door. Yeah, she's brand loyal, but anytime you happen to be closed, all she has to do is mosey on over to Reebok to get her socks and sneakers. It's not sex you should worry about so much as emotional stuff. If she's going to him for comfort, protection, and connection, maybe you need to start paying more attention to her. Your other move is awkward but constructive. Subject his Reebok store to a friendly buyout: You have to buddy up with him, too.



WILL SHAVING MY SASQUATCH-LIKE CHEST HELP ME ATTRACT GIRLS AT THE BEACH? Sure, if what you're looking for are one-night stands with shallow bimbos (and, hey, I'm not judging). But any woman with a brain will recognize the razor burn and stubble as signs of insecurity. To find your Naomi Watts, you need to brandish your hairy torso with King Kong-like confidence. IS THERE A PICKUP LINE THAT'LL MAKE A WOMAN WALKING DOWN THE STREET STOP FOR A CONVERSATION? If there is, I've never heard it. Anything you say to a woman as she's strolling by is immediately categorized as a catcall. And any guy who catcalls women is immediately categorized as a meathead. There are a lot of places where it's perfectly acceptable to approach a woman cold--a bar, the beach, a coffee shop, a bookstore, even the supermarket--but the sidewalk isn't one of them. WHY WON'T MY GIRLFRIEND LET ME TAKE TASTEFUL NUDE PHOTOS OF HER? Here's why: Every woman knows someone who's had naughty pics end up online. For that reason alone, I wouldn't let a guy do it unless I had full control of the evidence. Your best shot: effusive (and honest) compliments--you want to shoot her

because she's just that sexy. Promise soft lighting, and hand her a glass of wine beforehand. Delete unflattering shots before you show her the results. Then let her delete the rest if she wants to. LEAVING THE TOILET SEAT UP: REALLY, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? The truth is that most women who make a fuss about whether the seat is up or down don't really care about the seat. (Any girl who sits without looking gets what she deserves.) It's just a symbolic gesture we use to gauge how considerate you are in general. If you take the time to lower the seat, you'll probably also take the time to call if you're going to be late, offer your jacket when it's cold, or run to the store at 3 a.m. when we're pregnant and hankering for butter pecan. I'M SEEING A WOMAN WHO TWEETS ABOUT OUR DATES--ALL POSITIVE, BUT STILL FREAKY. CAN I TELL HER TO STOP? Absolutely. But be careful: If you come off as secretive, she'll worry about your reasons. (Do I embarrass him? Does he not want other women to know about us?) So say that you're flattered but the personal details make you self-conscious. Turn it into a joke: Tell her that tweeting "Alex is the hottest man ever!" is okay, but repeating things you said is too much. If she's not down with that, she's a girl without boundaries. Say, "Later, Tweetheart."

Sparky Here is not sick, he is just a little outgoing. However, there are many unwanted, sick, homeless, abused and abandoned pets that could use our help.


Works with veterinarians and care takers to help get our little pals back on the road to the healthy, happy life they deserve. Please contact us with any cases of an animal in need of a helping hand. We may be able to help!




2011 AUDI R18


Audi aims to continue its string of victories at the Le Mans 24 Hours with a completely new LMP1 sports car development. Since its debut in 1999, the brand with the Four Rings has won the world’s most important endurance race as many as nine times with the R8, R10 TDI and R15 TDI models. In doing so, Audi has equaled this feat in the race’s roll of honor with Ferrari. With the new R18, which was presented at the Audi Sportpark in Ingolstadt on the evening of Friday, December 10, 2010, Audi is aiming for its tenth Le Mans success in 2011.

The Shelby G.T.500CR is sure to raise your pulse with its 545 horsepower and the reliablity of a fuel injected car. Each Shelby G.T.500CR is hand built at our facility located in Oklahoma. Modern amenities include authentic Shelby Performance Parts, rack and pinion steering, race inspired suspension, oversized disc brakes, and more. We start with an original 1967 or 1968 Mustang Fastback and perform a complete restoration including media blasting, sheet metal replacement and show winning paint and body. Each authentic Shelby G.T.500CR will be listed in the Shelby Worlwide Registry. Please read the vehicle specs below.

For the first time since 1999, Audi will contest Le Mans with a closed coupe again. "In the future, aerodynamic efficiency will be even more important at Le Mans than it was in the past,” says Head of Audi Motorsport Dr. Wolfgang Ullrich. "A closed car has clear advantages in this respect. Our computer simulations have been confirmed in the wind tunnel and during initial track tests.” Significantly smaller engines than those used before will be prescribed at Le Mans in 2011 as the rule makers aim to achieve a substantial reduction of engine power. By opting for a 3.7-liter V6 TDI unit, Audi retains the diesel concept that saw its first victorious fielding in 2006. "From our point of view, the TDI continues to be the most efficient technology,” says Ulrich Baretzky, Head of Engine Development at Audi Sport. "There are good reasons why the share of TDI units among Audi’s production models is as high as it is.” Through the innovative V6 TDI engine for the Le Mans 24 Hours, motorsport is yet again performing pioneering work for the production arm at Audi where there is a growing trend towards smaller, more economical but yet powerful engines. Another new development is the six-speed transmission in the R18 which has been specifically modified for use with the smaller engine.



COLOR AVAILABILITY: Grey/Black ,Red/White, Blue/White, Black/Grey, Yellow/White **Custom colors available upon request DRIVETRAIN: 427 C.I Crate Engine (545 H.P.) Mass Flo Fuel Injection Tremec Manual Transmission 9" Fab 9 Rear w/ 3:70 Gear Ratio and Posi Traction Installed Concept One Pulley System EXTERIOR: Authentic Carroll Shelby Exterior Fiberglass Enhancements Sequential Shelby Taillights Carroll Shelby G.T.500CR Emblems Carroll Shelby Lemans Racing Gas Cap AVAILABLE OPTIONS: Leather $1000 Flip Out Screen with DVD $1000 Right Hand Drive $12,500 GPS Tracking Device $499 ** Custom options available upon request

Âť 2010 Fisker Karma Fisker Automotive is taking a novel approach to merging beauty and style with an environmental conscience. The car features cutting-edge plug-in hybrid technology, penned as Q DRIVE, developed by Quantum Technologies exclusively for Fisker Automotive. The Karma's Q DRIVE configuration consists of a small gasoline engine that turns the generator, which charges the lithium ion battery pack, powering the electric motor and turning the rear wheels. This proprietary design allows consumers' to drive the car emission free for up to 50 miles (80km) a day provided the car is charged every evening. It's conceivable that if consumers follow this daily routine, they will only need to fuel the car but once a year. This means it will not only cut down on pollution and global warming, but on a consumer's gasoline budget as well. This Q DRIVE technology will provide a base for all future derivatives from Fisker Automotive. The Fisker Karma will offer partly self-contained climate control, as consumers will have the option to purchase a full-length solar roof that will help charge the car and provide cooling for the interior cabin while the car is parked. Addition-

ally, Fisker Automotive will offer consumers an option to purchase a set of solar panels for their roofs or garages where they can generate electricity during the day to charge the car overnight‌again cost and emission free. Statistics show that the majority of pollution from automobiles occurs on consumers' daily commute to and from work or dropping the kids off at school. Currently, more than 60% of Americans and Europeans are driving less than 50 miles (80km) on their daily commute. If this 60% of commuters would drive a plug-in hybrid like the Fisker Karma, we could see the fastest possible reduction both in oil consumption and emissions - all without sacrificing their daily driving habits. Additionally, plug-in hybrids have the potential to augment the planning of cleaner electrical power plants, ultimately producing a dramatic effect on our society and future generations.




2011 PORSCHE 911 GT3 RSR Stuttgart. The Porsche 911 GT3 RSR takes off into the new motorsport season with extensive modifications. The 2011 version of the world’s most successful GT race car celebrated its international premiere at the “Night of Champions” party held at the R&D Centre in Weissach to mark the end of the motorsport season. Priority in the further development of the GT3 RSR was given to the newly designed aerodynamics at the front and rear, changes to the suspension kinematics and to the engine. The 4.0-litre, six-cylinder boxer engine now delivers 455 hp (335 kW) at 7,800 revs, five horsepower more than its predecessor. The power increase results from an engine management system which adapts even better to different fuel grades, as well as a redesigned exhaust system and a modified air intake housing. Moreover, the driveability of the famously efficient engine has undergone further improvements. Maximum revs remain unchanged at 9,400 rpm. Clearly visible are the modifications to the front. A new front lip provides higher downforce at the front axle. The front wheels are now wider with the rims growing from 11 to 12 inches giving additional grip and less of an understeering tendency. The position of the rear wing and the shape of the wing mounting also underwent optimisation and were adapted to the new rear fairing with additional air outlet louvers. The rear lid was also redesigned for optimised air ducting. Like the 911 GT3 Cup and the GT3 R, the RSR has now been equipped with the LED rear lights taken from the latest 911 road-legal cars. The 911 GT3 RSR joins the 911 GT3 R and the 911 GT3 Cup as the top model of Porsche Motorsport’s product range. The successful long distance racer from Weissach can be ordered now at a price of 410,000 Euro plus country-specific value added tax. All 2011 modifications are available as a kit for GT3 RSR cars from the 2010 season.



2011 STARTECH LAND ROVER DEFENDER 90 YACHTING EDITION From the marina directly into rough terrain: The STARTECH Land Rover Defender 90 Yachting Edition looks as great at the marina as it does on magnificent boulevards or when venturing off road. Painted bright white, the premium leather/Alcantara interior dyed navy blue, foot wells and trunk clad in the finest teak – the English off-roader with lavish STARTECH design perfectly transfers maritime ambiance into the automobile. Wide tires in size 265/75 R 16 bring three additional centimeters of tread in contact with the road and give the Land Rover an even brawnier appearance. To complement the wider tires the STARTECH designers developed new running boards with integrated entrance lights that are activated via the keyless fob or by opening one of the doors. The exterior appearance of the STARTECH Yachting Edition further includes such tasteful details as the SVX front grille and headlight covers painted in body color. Getting into the STARTECH Land Rover Defender 90 Yachting Edition, made easier by the STARTECH running boards, is a very special experience. The captain and his crew are welcomed by classic yacht design, which uses genuine oiled teak following the best ship-building traditions. This fine material lends the trunk and the foot wells a unique air. The company upholstery shop attended to the remaining interior of the Defender 90 and transformed it from a rather mundane cockpit into an exclusively appointed wellness space.

 2010 Honda Air Concept Design The Honda Air concept is a vision of the future of lightweight and alternative fuel performance vehicles; a coastal cruiser for the aggressive lifestyle. Inspired by the modern roller coaster as well as skydiving wing-suits, the Air is powered by a compressed air and pneumatic regulator system. It utilizes turbo vacuums and external air-flow to regenerate tank pressure for extended range and increased boost for an estimated 100 miles. The chassis doubles as the master tank and all components, including seating, are mounted to the central chassis/tank to eliminate redundant structure and reduce overall weight. Vegetable based polymer panels and fairings protect occupants, maintaining the solid Honda method; safety for everyone. The Air’s cockpit and package maintain the aggressive human packaging of a modern roller coaster aimed at maximizing the open air experience. In order to reduce weight and increase dynamic performance, a hubless wheel and drive system eliminates the use of heavy drive train components. Glass reinforced seating panels, urethane tire composition and skeletal sub-frame components combine for drastic weight savings. Using a Honda generator / air compressor at home or tire filler at your local filling station, the main tanks and reserves can be filled quickly and safely. At just under 800 lbs., the powerful anthem of pneumatic propulsion and a character unlike any zero-emission vehicle exemplifies Honda’s concept of fun to drive. The pow[air] of dreams.


As an introduction, I am the managing editor of a debuting publication called The Dreams Magazine, which is a Tampa Bay-based Adult Entertainment publication set to launch in January of 2011. We are working around the clock in preparation for our debut and there are many important facets of that and many more left to accomplish so that we can reach our goal. Sidenote: The website is currently undergoing a facelift, so at this moment nothing is appearing on it. As I write this, it is being reconstructed and it will be live by the end of business today, new and improved. Since this is a new publication, selling advertising in something that doesn't yet exist is dicey at best. There is no product yet for me to use as a selling point, so the only thing I have to sell at the moment are the people that are trying to make this happen. We have assembled what we think is a professional and highly competent roster of individuals, who are all attempting to band together to reach a goal and accomplish, pun slightly intended, a dream. In a magazine. A Dream Magazine, if you will. I am also not speaking as a salesperson, though that is the hat I'm wearing at the moment, but as the head of content for this publication when I say that starting with the first issue, it is my personal intent to create the best possible product. So what I have to offer is the fact that both in terms of the magazine as a whole, or with accommodating every customer, whether they've spent $1800 for the feature spot or $100 for a business card, everything that I do will be for the improvement of both ourselves and the customers that we depend on. Please refer to the attached PDF files to answer questions about any production or mission statement particulars. I thank you in advance for your time. Josh Mann Managing Editor The Dreams Magazine, Inc.






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We are currently hiring for sales representatives as well party and event coordinators. Revenue is generated based upon ad sales with business all throughout Florida. We develop and create the very best of advertising for products, merchandise, services, and companies. We are also looking for interns for all aspects of the magazine from editing to design. This is your chance to get your work published and showcased in a real magazine. This is your chance to get your name out there and get your foot in the door that could launch your career. If you think you have what it takes to sell ads, help distribute magazines, cover events, write articles, design layouts and or party then we have positions available at Desire Magazine Tampa Bays undisputed #1 adult entertainment magazine. For Consideration Please Email Qualifications to:


This Month in History

Jan. 1, 1863 - President Abraham Lincoln delivers the Emancipation Proclamation freeing the slaves. Jan. 2, 1788 - Georgia is the 4th state to ratify the Constitution. Jan. 2, 1915 - Allied forces win the Battle of Sarikamis.


Jan. 3, 1959 - Alaska is the 49th state admitted to the Union. Jan. 4, 1896 - Utah is the 45th state admitted to the Union. Jan. 4, 1951 - North Korean/ Chinese forces recapture Seoul. Jan. 5, 1778 - Naval mines are used for the 1st time by the Continental Navy. Jan. 6, 1912 - New Mexico is the 47th state admitted to the Union. Jan. 7, 1868 - The Arkansas constitutional convention meets in Little Rock. DESIREMAGAZINE JANUARY 2011

Jan. 7, 1868 - The Mississippi constitutional convention meets in Jackson. Jan. 8, 1798 - The 11th Amendment is added to the Constitution. Jan. 9, 1788 - Connecticut is the 5th state to ratify the Constitution. Jan. 9, 1861 - Mississippi is the 2nd state to secede from the Union. Jan. 8, 1815 - American forces win the Battle of New Orleans (they didn't know the war is over) Jan. 10, 1861 - Florida is the 3rd state to secede from the Union. Jan. 11, 1805 - The Michigan Territory is organized. Jan. 11, 1861 - Alabama is the 4th state to secede from the Union. Jan. 12, 1945 - American forces liberate the Philippines. Jan. 14, 1868 - The North Carolina constitutional convention meets in Raleigh. Jan. 16, 1907 - Oklahoma is the 46th state admitted to the Union. Jan. 16, 1991 - Operation Desert Storm begins with a U.N. air strike launched on Iraq. Jan. 19, 1861 - Georgia is the 5th state to secede from the Union.

Jan. 20, 1986 - Martin Luther King, Jr. Holiday was observed for the first time.

Jan. 20, 1937 - Franklin Roosevelt is sworn in as President for a 2nd term. Jan. 20, 2005 - George W. Bush is sworn in as President of the United States for a second term.

Jan. 21, 1957 - Dwight Eisenhower is sworn in as President for a 2nd term. Jan. 21, 1985 - Ronald Reagan is sworn in as President for a 2nd term. Jan. 21, 1993 - Bill Clinton is sworn in as the 42nd President of the United States. Jan. 21, 1997 - Bill Clinton is sworn in as President for a 2nd term. Jan. 23, 1933 - The 20th Amendment is added to the Constitution. Jan. 26, 1837 - Michigan is the 26th state admitted to the Union. Jan. 26, 1861 - Louisiana is the 6th state to secede from the Union. Jan. 27, 1870 - Virginia is the 8th state to be readmitted to the Union. Jan. 27, 1973 - The United States and Vietnam sign a peace treaty, ending the Vietnam War.

Jan. 28, 1712 - American forces attack the Tuscarora Indians during the Tuscarora Indian War. Jan. 29, 1861 - Kansas is the 34th state admitted to the Union. Jan. 29, 1919 - The 18th Amendment is added to the Constitution. Jan. 30, 1781 - Maryland is the 13th State to ratify the Articles of Confederation. Jan. 30, 1964 - The 24th Amendment is added to the Constitution. Jan. 31, 1917 - Germany declared unrestricted submarine warfare against all ships.

Jan. 31, 1968 - Communist forces violate the New Year (Tet) truce and launch the “Tet Offensive� against the populated areas of South Vietnam.




Strip Club Etiquette


ome spend their time there having dinner with a show, while others group together for a night of all out madness--the strip club is seemingly a must for every coming-ofage man. The dimly lit rooms and desperate need for your change in all ones is a step out from the cyber babes of days gone by. And while going out to bars may still be out of the picture for an 18 year old for a few more years, he can become seasoned for such a place by learning the code of conduct he'll abide by at the strip clubs until then. Immediately when you step foot into the club, make sure to get a few ones into the hand of the bouncer. This can buy you some pretty good seats if the setting calls for it. Don't be afraid to let him know exactly where you're looking to sit, as you're going to be parked here for hours to come. The section closest to the stage is always the most crowded, but a bouncer with a $20 in his pocket can usually manage to muster up some more room. Booths and VIP tables tend to cost a little more than a few dollar tip, but check out to see how much bottle service is for the night if you're there with a group.



Most clubs these days don't have a dress code, but you should dress according to how you want your night to go. A three-piece suit will get you some attention--you'll have your choice of girls for private dances when the ladies come swarming. Make sure you keep the specific club in mind if you do decide to go this route, as you might drum up some trouble if you look like an outsider with your fancy clothes and your wads of ones in the smaller, seedier clubs that locals tend to treat as their local bar. If you're looking for a low key night to drink a few beers, watch the game on the big screen and glance over at some chicks on a pole during half-time, then dress down in jeans and a polo. It's a little known fact that a really good way to get in good with the girls at a strip club is to become buds with the DJ. This guy is the go-to guy for all the dancers, knows every employee and is in control of the atmosphere for the entire night. Slipping the guy a couple dollars can be awkward to do while he's working in his booth, but buying him a drink is a good way to break the barrier.

Go ahead and show an interest in just how much you could be spending--you'll find that there are plenty of ways to spend your money at a strip club. Fees for dances, the cost of a booth and bottle service prices all vary from club to club. Finding a club where your money goes the furthest can change your experience completely--for the same amount of money you're spending at a higher end club, you may be a VIP at a competing club down the road. Ask, and chances are, you shall receive. Despite a woman's intuition, she doesn't know what you're thinking. Don't be shy about requesting a specific dancer to stop by your table--you can buy her a drink or slip her a few bucks to make it worth her while. Be direct and ask what type of services and rates that she offers. Be careful to not get too drunk and always remember to tip the ladies.







FIGHTING vs SEX The age-old idea that a lengthy romp the night before makes for a poor fight the next day has been argued since Ancient Greece and Rome. The theory is that ejaculation releases the muchneeded testosterone and energy that is vital for an aggressive fighter. Therefore, the tradition of abstinence is prevalent in aggressive sports such as boxing and MMA fighting. Oscar De La Hoya famously goes without sex before a fight, and shares in this tradition with athletes of various sports such as football and soccer. Some coaches set the standard of abstinence for their team such as Mike Ditka, former coach of the Chicago Bears and soccer coach, Fabio Capello. Rocky Marciano, Muhammad Ali and most recently, Manny Pacquiao are just a few serious fighting



contenders that believe that going without is the way to go. The idea started with the Ancient Greeks who were quite obsessed with training and having the upper hand over their opponents in the Olympics. Plato wrote of an increase in eating wild boar, cheese and goat meat while sustaining abstinence. The competitors saw this as a way to increase male hormones, which, in theory, gave them increased strength. The Romans, on the other hand, felt the opposite—having felt rejuvenated by sexual acts. Rocky Marciano gave sound evidence to the theory that abstinence is the way to go, as he was the only heavyweight boxer in the early 1900s to ever retire undefeated. He would go without sex for months before his fights, as would Muhammad Ali—another

impressive fighter who felt abstinence gave him the winning edge. In more recent times, Manny Pacquiao, currently fighting and argued to be the top welterweight of all time, actually separates himself from his wife all together when he trains, only seeing her in he presence of a chaperone. According to research, sexual activity has no bearing on the endurance, balance or power or reaction time on a man. After testing both a man and a woman, ESPN found that physiologically, testosterone levels were actually higher in both subjects after having engaged in sexual activity. In testing, post- sex, there was a resulting 30% improvement in the female boxer’s punch. It has also been proven that not only does having sex increase your levels of testosterone, but going without can actually decrease it. While married couples may only burn about 40 calories during intercourse, engaging in sexual intercourse has been proven to improve ones overall fitness and reduces the risk of heart disease.


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As it’s been scientifically proven to be an obsolete theory, many athletes abide by abstinence because it adheres to their very specific, and sometimes irrational routine in order to prepare for a fight or game. Plenty of rest, a specific diet and a workout routine are all regimented in the weeks before the big day. Even some superstitions can sneak into the routine, such a specific meals to be had or lucky socks that must be worn. Any wavering in their preparation can have a negative effect and be detrimental on the athlete psychologically. The act of sex itself has been scientifically proven to increase testosterone levels, relieve stress and improve heath as a whole. If nothing else, sex is exercise and can promote healthier sleeping habits, as long as the bout doesn’t result in an hours-long marathon resulting in a lack of rest. While many greats throughout time have abided by their theories of abstinence to gain a mental edge, it’s been proven that having sex before a pinnacle in an athlete’s career will not hinder their performance on a physical level.

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How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions


ew year, new you. Or so you thought when you made all those promises to yourself when you took the time to evaluate what you could have done different in the past 365. But now it’s three weeks into it, and you find yourself back to chain-smoking in a fast food drive thru when you’re supposed to be at your kickboxing class. We have all fallen victim to it, but when it comes down to it, keeping your New Year’s resolutions just isn’t an easy task. The most common reason for dropping a resolution is because it’s simply unrealistic. It’s tough to think that you’re simply the type of person you have been being for the past however many years of your life, and you’re susceptible to falling back into the same routine because you are like the rest of us—a creature of habit. Another reason is that the resolution is just too vague—you vocalize an idea instead of the specific things it takes to realize your goal. The truth is, January 1st is only 24 hours difference from December 31st. Most resolutions tend to be life changing, and goals of this magnitude take planning, preparation and an actual true want, or in some cases, a need to change.



Instead of just going back to your same ol' resolutions every year, make this one different and really take a look back. Pin point what exactly was so taxing and how, specifically, your life would have been different had you done this instead of that. This doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out process of soul-searching magnitude, but maybe you can look back and see, for instance, what triggers you to stress, which in turn causes you to smoke, and work on those issues instead of the smoking itself. Maybe instead of kicking yourself over your inability to put money in your savings account, look at your spending habits and make adjustments so that you’re maximizing your financial means. Setting a goal is usually the first and only step we take in making a New Year’s resolution. Being very specific is an important factor when you determine what you're willing to work on. Don’t just say that you want to lose weight. Instead, make your resolution specific, like to work out three days per week for one hour and to reduce your fast food consumption to once a week.

Next, you need to really think through the steps it will take to realize your goal. For example, you’ll need to sign up for a gym membership before January 1st to start working out on January 1st. Look into substituting your fast food obsession with health-conscious frozen dinners that are just as easy and usually more convenient. If smoking is your vice, know that you’re going to need a backup strategy when you decide to quit cold-turkey, and look into gums, patches and electronic cigarettes that help you along in the process. The most important part of the New Year’s resolution process is finding a reasonable goal. It can be as minor as losing 5 pounds or as major as losing 50 pounds, as long as you know it to be realistic. No magical force field is going to push you into a new mindset when the calendar shifts to the next page, so examine what’s to come as a result of your new path, set yourself up for the success that’s to come and feel good next year when you can cross this year’s resolution off of your list.





The term “blow job” comes from the Victorian times. In Victorian times, a slang term for a prostitute was “blowsy”. At the same time, “blow” was slang for ejaculation. Consequently, by the 1930s, the act of fellatio came to be known as a blow job. It was also used to describe jet planes in World War Two. In Ancient Greece, the common slang for a blow job was “playing the flute."

14 15

The sperm count of an average American male compared to thirty years ago is down thirty percent.

According to psychologists, the shoe and the foot are the most common sources of sexual fetishism in Western society.

16 17 18

On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.

Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.


Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.


In Asia before the fifteenth century, some use of glans condoms (devices covering only the head of the penis) is recorded. In China, glans condoms may have been made of oiled silk paper, or of lamb intestines. In Japan, they were made of tortoise shell or animal horn (ouch). In the 16th century, condoms were often made with linen sheaths soaked in a chemical solution and allowed to dry before use.


Sperm is good for the skin. The proteins in sperm have a tightening effect on the skin. When sperm is left to dry, the evaporation of the water in it leaves behind protein which can help to reduce wrinkles. While this may be an excellent anti-aging treatment, the obvious downside is that you have to walk around with sperm on your face.

9 2

Sexual acts lead to weight loss. The average human loses 26 calories kissing for a minute. Furthermore, vigorous sex for half an hour burns 150 calories (you can lose three pounds in a year – if you have sex 7 to 8 times a month). Kissing is also very good for your teeth: the extra saliva released during the act helps to keep the mouth clean.

Humans aren’t the only members of the animal kingdom that have sex just for fun. Dolphins and Bonobo chimps have also been observed engaging in sexual activity, when they are not in their natural reproductive cycles. With the exception of a pair of Cohan gorillas observed doing so, Bonobos are the only non-human animal to have been observed engaging in all of the following sexual activities: face-to-face genital sex, tongue kissing, and oral sex. When Bonobos come upon a new food source or feeding ground, the increased excitement will usually lead to communal sexual activity, presumably decreasing tension and allowing for peaceful feeding. Interestingly, Bonobo chimps also play and experience joy like humans.


Pubic hair is programmed to grow a certain amount. All hair on the body is controlled by a “growth program” which determines the growth duration (and consequently the length) of hair. Pubic hair has a shorter growth duration (on average just a few months) compared to hair on the head. This is what stops pubic hair growing to unmanageable lengths.



Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.

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Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).

Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm through oral sex.


The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).


Men looking at male porn produce more sperm. Studies have shown that men who looked at porn of two men and one woman produced more sperm than those who looked at just women. Scientists speculate that seeing competition makes men step up their baby-making capacities.


The average male produces several million new sperm daily. Conversely, a female is born with a set amount of eggs and will produce no more than that throughout her lifetime.

The pubic wig (merkin) has been around since the 1400s when it was originally worn by women who had shaved their pubic hair off to prevent lice. In the Victorian times it was frequently worn by prostitutes who wanted to conceal the fact that they had diseases like syphilis (Honest – we aren’t merkin’ this up). They are also used in the film industry to conceal actors genitals in nude scenes.


Viagra, the well-known blue pill designed to help with erectile dysfunction, made $411 million in profits within the first three months of its release in 1998 before going on to make $1.8 billion in 2003.



Sex cures headaches. Next time your significant other refuses your advances by claiming to have a headache, remember this fact: the sex act can help to cure a headache. Sex causes the body to release endorphins which naturally reduce the pain of a headache.



Some female penguins engage in prostitution. Believe it or not, in the wild, certain female penguins (even when in a committed relationship) will exchange sexual favors with strange males for the pebbles they need to build their nests. According to Dr Fiona Hunter (a zoologist): “It tends to be females targeting single males, otherwise the partner female would beat the intruder up.” On some occasions the prostitute penguins trick the males. They carry out the elaborate courtship ritual, which usually leads to mating. Having bagged their stone, they would then run off.


A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

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There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day. Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 U.S. states.


Outside of the bedroom, the most common place for adults in the U.S. to have sex is the car.




CAPRICORN: DECEMBER 22- JAN 19 This is an excellent time for involvement with self-development practices and workshops, psychotherapy, or spiritual, religious, and metaphysical practices. Dream analysis, hypnosis, meditation, yoga, trips to inspiring places, and psychological treatments (whether it be gestalt therapy, primal therapy, etc.) can be greatly illuminating now. Of course, be discriminating and choose the methods that are most appealing to you; some are much better and more appropriate for you than others. Avoid extreme and fanatical methods that try to overpower you. Intensive inner work benefits you now as long as it is done in a wholesome, sensitive, loving manner with the help of experienced, well-balanced people. The reason these activities benefit you so greatly now is not because you have more problems than usual; it is because you are in a period of inner, psychic transition and transformation when you are motivated and ready to make significant changes. AQUARIUS: JAN 20- FEB 18 Someone is likely to offer you a very promising opportunity at this time, or you may have an offer for someone else that you think will be mutually beneficial. The offer seems like a "deal" that can lead to tremendous growth and success, and yet you wonder if it is too good to be true. Because there are risks involved, it is impossible to know whether the offer will work out well, and you consequently are likely to feel uncertain what to do. In truth, there is definitely the potential for opening up new avenues for success and fulfillment, but there is also a tendency to overshoot the mark due to overoptimism and a willingness to gamble and speculate. The best course is usually to proceed with some kind of plan, but to thoroughly investigate all details as much as possible and to avoid wild speculation. PISCES: FEBRUARY 19- MARCH 20 Speculation, optimism, restlessness, and perhaps downright foolhardiness are key issues now. Everyday life seems drab and dreary to you now, and you explore bigger, more exciting, more exotic alternatives. This is an excellent time to travel or go on vacation. You need to spread your wings. If you stay indoors, you will feel confined and cooped up. Chores and details irk you now, and you are likely to become very sloppy. You procrastinate when it comes to doing chores and it is likely that your home is less tidy and the dishes don't get washed right after dinner. Be very careful when doing any detail work of importance now because your mind tends to wander from the issues directly at hand, causing inadvertent mistakes and errors. ARIES: MARCH 21-APRIL 20 You are impulsively affectionate and flirtatious at this time, and you feel quite restless if you are in a stable, predictable relationship that offers little excitement. You may be highly attracted to someone new, simply because of the novelty and possibilities for adventure. Also, your friends or love partner may behave in unexpected ways. Flexibility and open-mindedness in your relationships is called for now. TAURUS: APRIL 21-MAY 20 Getting what you really want and moving toward achieving the things which are important to you may involve surrendering something or eliminating something from your life at this time. Perhaps an attitude, a situation, or an attachment that has been impeding you is now released. You feel free to concentrate on the things that are most important to you now. Major, long-term changes can be successfully begun now - a lifestyle change or a regimen of self-improvement, for instance. At this time you will want to branch out; you have the energy to do more and take on more challenges. This is a very good time to begin implementing the plans and promises that you have made to yourself, as any new endeavor is likely to succeed. A new health regimen, actions taken to advance professionally, or anything you do to move toward achieving a cherished goal or ideal goes well now. GEMINI: MAY 21- JUNE 21 Expect last minute changes and adjustments, poor timing, or an annoying glitch in anything involving papers, contracts, appointments and meetings, or previously scheduled engagements. You may have to reword a proposal or in some other way adjust your thinking or way of communicating in order to come to an agreement. Nervous irritation and/or mental exhaustion could result. You act very impulsively and may do something spontaneously that really upsets the status quo in your life. Daring and reckless, you act with fierce independence. All manner of accidents could result from this rash foolishness. You are apt to feel tense, "wired", cross, or out of control. You might wish to avoid traveling at this time.



CANCER: JUNE 22- JULY 22 You may decide to change the decor of your home, or you may attend a musical or artistic event that exposes you to new styles that are different from your customary tastes. Communications with family and friends can be strained at this time, as you try to clear up points of confusion. This is a good time to get a new perspective on your relationships and your life style, but do not force yourself to make important decisions now while you are not completely comfortable with any of the alternatives. You are apt to feel at odds with yourself or other people right now, as if you can't quite get into a comfortable rhythm or flow with what is happening in your environment. Oversensitivity and childish impulses are stronger than usual. LEO: JULY 23- AUGUST 23 Feelings of tenderness and love, especially for family or children, are very strong at this time. You want to shower loved ones with affection, to invite friends into your home, and to be pampered and cared for. Your relationships with women are very harmonious and positive now. Your personal charm and attractiveness has a positive effect on your career, reputation, or public image. People see you as a loving and lovable person and as someone who is aware of their needs and feelings, which can benefit you at this time. Others are willing to help and cooperate with your aims. Your interest in the arts or in promoting harmony and good will between people is brought out at this time. VIRGO: AUGUST 23-SEPTEMBER 23 This is a favorable time to take a short vacation or pleasure trip, especially to visit people you really enjoy. The tone of this time is light, friendly, and easy. Positive connections are made with others, and you may meet a new friend. You may also want to call or write someone you love, simply to cheer them up or tell them you love them. You easily become fired up emotionally at this time, especially about people, places, or causes you have a strong attachment to from the past, such as your alma mater or your home town. You care more passionately and respond instinctively and emotionally to whatever happens to you at this time. Also, you are energized and invigorated now and eager to be involved in projects that benefit your children, family, or home. LIBRA: SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 23 This is an excellent time to eliminate whatever is unnecessary and outworn in your life from clutter and disorder in your environment to an unhealthy relationship or even a long-held attitude or belief which keeps you from going after what you really want in life.You are also more perceptive than usual. You see other people's true colors more clearly and you may discover a secret or the hidden aspect of some situation. Something lost, hidden, or forgotten may come to light. SCORPIO: OCTOBER 23- NOVEMBER 21 A short trip, or at least a lot of activity and movement, is very likely now. A significant conversation, learning from another person, and getting your own ideas and perceptions across to others is also likely. You may hear from someone who has important information for you or feel a pressing need to write or call someone else in order to bring some matter in the open. Communications of all kinds play an important role in your life now. This is a good time to travel, especially to places you've never experienced before, where you will be exposed to new ideas and different ways of looking at the world. Studying new concepts is also favored; your ability to understand abstract ideas and your desire to grow intellectually is strong now. Anything that broadens your world appeals to you at this time. You are interested in the big picture and have less attention and interest in details. SAGITTARIUS: NOVEMBER 23 - DEC 21 There will be surprises and unexpected events in your life at this time! Offers of new opportunities will be presented to you, and you are inclined to be overly optimistic about the possibilities at first. There are, in fact, some excellent opportunities for you at this time, but they require delicate handling and careful evaluation. You need to analyze the situation carefully and fix the weak spots. For example, an opportunity for a new job, new home, new car, or new relationship will come to you. Check it out carefully and realize that if you make the change, you will be adjusting to a very new situation. You will need to negotiate some details and you should consult with experts to make sure that you haven't overlooked anything. If handled carefully, you can make improvements now that free you from some of the limitations that you currently experience. If you gamble at this time, you will experience ups and downs and an unpredictable final outcome but, if you are careful, the final outcome should be positive.






hances are, if you're looking to pop the question, you're a little lost on how to get it right. Whether or not it's going to be a surprise to your soon-to-be, the task of purchasing the ring is a huge task. As far as financially, this is probably going to be one of the largest purchases to date, so take note to these tips to help you navigate your way to nuptials. Historically, it's been the golden rule of engagement rings that the groom spend three month's salary on it. But as the economy slows and priorities shift, a lot of women genuinely would rather the cash be spent elsewhere. The amount you decide to spend on the ring should be relative to the importance that your fiancĂŠe puts on it. If you're worried that your girl won't be happy with the purchase, be rational and talk to her about it. The cost of the ring can be substantial and is a good way to bring your mate into the financial planning stages of the relationship. And if she wants a big rock, believe me, she'll give you the hint as she's pulling out your bank statements and breaking out the calculator. Of course, your traditional ring consists of diamonds and silver or gold. But today's women aren't necessarily considered traditional. There are a lot of other options as far as materials go, such as using stainless steel. It has the same look as silver, but lasts forever with no tarnishing and zero cleaning. Some women are opting for rings made with both silver and gold so that they feel



comfortable wearing it with any other jewelry they wear without the chance of it clashing, making it more versatile. You should also consider shopping for your engagement ring through unconventional outlets. Instead of going to the name brand jewelers, look into online auction sites and you can save thousands. The exact ring you may be looking for may not be available, or seemingly too expensive, but it may be a smarter route to buy online and get the stone remounted to create your ideal piece. Consider the day to day life of your gal and think of how a huge diamond solitaire might be a bother. It isn't always a good move to buy the largest, most impressive stone that your bride has to take off every time she works out. There are really nice alternatives to this, such as a flat band with stones set into it, or a setting with three smaller stones, opposed to the one that just may not be practical. This is also another way to cut costs by purchasing the three smaller stones that equals the carat size of a solitaire that you can't afford. Three diamonds that add up to a carat cost a whole lot less than a one carat solitaire. So, now you're in the store and it's time to get to the specifics. When purchasing a diamond everything is based upon the four C's: carat, clarity, color and cut. The carat is the weight of the diamond itself, and clarity is how jewelers describe the flaws that

are seen under magnification. As far as color goes, most diamonds have a shade of color to them and they are classified into letter grades ranging form D-Z. The cut references the facets in the diamond in terms of the amount of facets, the shape of them and the placement on the diamond, all of which determine the intensity of it's sparkle. You and your bride should take the time to discuss which of the C's is most important to her. If it's the sparkle that is most intriguing, you would look for smaller carats with a better cut, than if it were size she's lusting after. Unless you have an unlimited budget, this part can be daunting, as you'll undoubtedly have to give up on one C for another when it comes down to the purchase price. Be sure to not rush your purchase. Give yourself enough time to shop and plan on searching for days, as most often the purchase isn't completed after only an afternoon of browsing. Bringing your bride to be can be a smart way to take the guess work out of it. Some good questions to ask the caravan of jewelers you'll meet along the way include whether or not it's a real diamond, if it's been treated, what part of the world it's from and if it's from a conflict zone. Just remember that the purchase is important, to not be pressured, and feel free to negotiate the price of what is ultimately your first step toward a new life.


*DESIREGIRL Photos by:



y t s i Chr O X O X


*DESIREGIRL Christy 58



Chri s t y 32 C








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