“…the sky was radiant, but there was no warmth in the glistening sunshine.” “…the musician, still staring at Mersault, broke off the lively dance tune he had been playing and began a slow melody heavy with the dust of centuries.” “Believe me, there is no such thing as great suffering, great regret, great memory…Everything is forgotten, even a great love. That’s what’s sad about life, and also what’s wonderful about it. There’s only a way of looking at things, a way that comes to you every once in a while. That’s why it’s good to have had love in your life after all, to have had an unhappy passion – it gives you an alibi for the vague despairs we all suffer from.” “And in the growing darkness the almost empty town, palled in dust, swept by bitter sea-spray, and loud with the shrilling of the wind, seemed a lost island of the damned.”
one name, one word can really stand for my changed mindset. i went on a trip, and the one thing that really brought so much of my world together was....camus.
broken-hearted. half-decayed. half-reborn. blinding light in a darkened tunnel. time slows. i look to you. you stare back through me. my body goes limp. i evaporate in the wind. colors brighten. the sun beats down. my words stay, scrawled on the open door. who believes in you?
ohh man, here is the long text part! A lot has happened in the past year. It’s often hard to believe that I am where I am. I think about the past and all I’ve been through. Each step I took forward, I never thought I would take; yet here I continue to advance. Of course, life is often this accumulation of stepping forward, backward and to the side, sometimes ending in circles, sometimes out of the environment that I began in or into some other place that I might not have known existed. So what’s the point? You never know where you’ll end up. We really try to make sure that we land where we want to be, but more often we end up somewhere better. Yes, sometimes it takes longer that we thought it would take, but at least we ended up there. I have not attained anything quickly and kept that with me the rest of my life. The things that I keep and hold close, are the things that I have fought for, or worked harder than I thought was possible. For those of you that knew me back when I was a young young kid, know that I have grown a ton. Although, I have also grown a lot since I moved out to KCMO; nothing is like the largest transition of looking at me back in freshman year of high school to now. Hell, I still do have all the KMFDM t-shirts and I still drink a ton of caffeine; but the rest of me has continued to develop into an adult. The team player that you saw back in high school is an even better and more educated team player now. Yes, everyone goes through growth and changes in their life; but after looking at what I’ve been through it’s quite amazing. I’m not meaning this to be bragging, but I am somewhere and someone that I never really thought I could become. I took this summer to explore. I tried to let go and re-find myself. I had faced a really tough year for myself: mentally, emotionally, and physically. My mind had also been missing all of the traveling that I had been doing due to organization involvement or more time to get outside in general. So, I jumped in the car and traveled. My first trip was back home to go to my little nephew’s birthday; which I drove solo from KCMO to IL, it ran smoothly! Next, I headed off to visit one of my old Phi Theta Kappa Regional Officer friends, down in Fairfield, Illinois. I hadn’t seen her in over a year, we hung out for the weekend and she showed me around the town a bit. I saw some of the most beautiful sights of nature that I had seen in a long time; I was ready for more adventure and more sights! Then I drove back to KC for a bit, then headed out to Colorado; a state that I had never been to, to see a cousin that I had never met! I was out there for two weeks. During the week I’d keep myself entertained and during the weekend we’d hangout, or some similar schedule like that. I got out to a few Colorado State Parks, drove randomly on roads for many miles until I’d turn around, visit coffee shops, and sleep. For some reason, sleep is always on my schedule wherever I go. But, I got to hike some state parks by myself, including a canyon walk, which was one of the most amazing things that I have ever done! Plus, I was by myself, with just about no cell phone reception, following a practically unmarked trail. And yes, I did question if I was going to make it out once or twice, because I didn’t really pass anyone else while on the trail. Haha. But! I made it out alive and here I am, typing to you! I haven’t fully figured out yet if I am where I need to be for the semester, but it has since started and here I am. I am hoping to be able to continue to get all editions from now on out a week or two into the beginning of any month; there will be the consistency. I am going to push hard to do that, when my routine breaks, so do I.
is t igh nd.” r y ee l e t s h t u u l f so g o Cam b l a nnin e e gi f “To e be th