Unsilenced an LGBTQ+ students best friend
g n i e b t r a t s a It’s a hell of t a h w e z i n g o able to rec . y p p a h u o y makes
l l a B e l l i c u L ~
Hope will never be silent.
r o n i r a f w o h No matter e r a u o y t e s o l c out of the . p e t s t x e n a you still have d r a p e h S y d u J ~ Be who you ar e say what you feel, be cause those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind . ~Dr. Seuss
Table of Contents Barbara Ward poetry 1 Jessica Mae Photography 2 8: A play about the Fight for Marriage Equality 3 The Life after the Nightmare 4 News and Updates 5 Day of Silence 6 Ask Foxxie 7 Contributers 8
“In My Mind” In my mind, You’re laying behind me With your arms around my waist. In my mind, Your lips are on my neck And my hair is on your face. In my mind, I close my eyes, and You’re whispering my name. In my mind, Your breath on my skin Is magic, like a fire that cannot be tamed.
Barbara Ward Poetry I sit silently Watching the world. Am I invisible Or just too afraid? I want to be included, I want to be involved, But instead I camouflage. I disappear into my surroundings Like an awkward chameleon Waiting on some sign. I’ll wait forever If I must, Always a step out of place. Invisible, yet blinding. Silent, yet piercing. Still, yet dizzying. Calm, yet panicking. Who am I to judge what I see When the truest sins remain unseen? I have no place, no part in this, No rest for the awkward chameleon.
It’s not that I don’t love you, I wish that you could see. It’s only that I miss you And how we used to be. Before the madness started, Before the drugs ran out, Before you were always angry, Before I was full of doubt. The biggest problem here Is that I’m still in love With the person that you used to be Before push came to shove. I knew what I was getting And what I already had. I only wish that I had known That things would get so bad. I don’t know what will happen Or how this all will end; Are we destined to be lovers Or are you just a friend?
Smoke and Fire
I watched a video today, And it almost made me miss you. You were smiling and laughing, And you truly looked in love. You talked to me as if I were Your best friend, your lover, your fuBut I know ture, You aren’t here, But that wasn’t really you. You’re where you need It was just an altered reality, to be. An illusion trapped in your form, A dream enveloped in smoke. I almost felt a twinge of sadness, But I can’t A sigh of guilt, Help but wonder… But I remember. Do you ever think like I don’t want to marry smoke and fire,
this of me?
A martyr for addiction, Embodiment of fallacy. I want to be what we had Before the Outside Force set in. True happiness Beyond the toxins in the air. Why can’t you be what I need you to be; Intoxicated by my love rather than In love with the intoxication?
Sonora Celtic Faire
8: A Play About the Fight for Marriage Equality
By: Brian Wick The ruling for the overturning of Proposition 8 by Judge Walker was upheld by the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals on February 7, 2012.
Zarillo and Paul Katami, Christine Lahti and Jamie Lee Curtis(playing lesbian couple Kris Perry and Sandy Stier), and Bridger Zadina and Jansen Panettiere as their sons Spencer and Elliot Perry. Staring: Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Martin Sheen, Christine Lahti, Jamie Lee Curtis, Bridger Zadina, Jansen Panettiere, Matt Bomer, Matthew Morrison, Rory O'Malley, Yeardly Smith, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Chris Colfer, James Pickens Jr., Kevin Bacon, John C. Reilly, George Takei, Jane Lynch, Cleve Jones, Campbell Brown, and Vanessa Garcia.
This fight has been a long and hard one on those in LGBT community and its not over yet. Take a look at Dustin Lance Black's(Milk) celebrity filled reading of his play below. It was so well done. The most heart tugging portions were those done by Chris Colf- Check out the play on YouTube: er portraying Ryan Kendall who was h t t p : / / w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / forced to undergo conversion thera- watch?v=qlUG8F9uVgM py in his teens.
DUSTIN LANCE BLACK A Founding Board Member of the American Foundation for Equal Rights and writer of 8, a staged reenactment of the federal trial that led to an appellate court’s overturn of California’s Proposition 8
Matt Bomer and Matthew Morrison portraying gay couple Jeff
CURTAIN CALL The Cast of “8” make a curtain call after production of the play at Eugene O’ Neill Theatre, Broadway NY, above. Proction of “8” in progress, below.
Photos courtesy of “8” the play Facebook
Life After the Nightmare By Logan Davisson
EPILOGUE I thought it would never happen to me. Me, Rylei McIntyre find someone to trust in and love after what I’ve seen growing up. I never got close to anyone thanks to what my mother became after my father left us. I was 7 and confused when he just turned his back at my crying and screaming at him not to leave. It was hard enough on her having to take a light skinned girl to school, while she is a chocolate color. The only way people knew I was hers was because we had the same ocean blue eyes. It’s strange you’d think my father was the one who had the blue eyes seeing he was from Ireland but no, his eyes were as black as a moonless night. The same black that I thought his soul. Unfortunately I took everything else from my father from my pouty lips slight sharpness of my chin which seemed to accentuate my neck to my auburn brown curly hair that goes past my waist. My mother never let me forget how much it pained her to look at me and see my father she went so far as to shave my hair off and only allowed me to wear turtle necks. Unfortunately for me my hair grew back in a week. After that my mother started verbally and physically abusing me I was sent to the hospital thirteen times in one year due to broken or fractured bones which I always said I got due to my hobby of skateboarding which they surprisingly accepted. Soon I just tuned out the pain I felt from the beatings and words and stayed away from others so not to draw attention to myself. This lasted for three years and in that time I wrote approximately thirty-six letters for my father to come home that’s a letter a month and sent them to the McIntyre house in Ireland but never got a reply. I was fourteen when my mother met my step-father Chris they got married right away and she was pregnant soon after the wedding. I was fourteen years old and seven months when Chris first sexually assaulted me my mom was exactly six months pregnant he said she was too fat and unattractive to have sex with. I am now seventeen years and four months old and the assaults haven’t stopped I just learned to stop fighting him. My mom found out what he was doing when I was fifteen but instead of taking my side and kicking him out she blamed me for the reason he didn’t touch her anymore and locked me in the basement. This is now my room my little brother Jack has my old room and the twins Mandy and Matthew had a room built for them. Little does their little perfect family know I’m counting down the days till my eighteenth birthday because that is the day I leave for the college they don’t even know I applied to let alone got in. My mother never paid attention to my grades so she doesn’t know I was in all advanced classes and on the honor roll and that was one good thing I have the grades to go anywhere and get far, far away from this hell hole.
CHAPTER 1 8 months later…
Today was the day I’m officially eighteen, I never thought this day would come. For some reason as this day came closer the abuse got worse I think this is due to the fact that they knew that their time and control over me was coming to an end. I looked around my cell woops I mean room it was so clean with all my clothes in my duffle bag…yea all my clothes fit in a duffle bag and all my pictures and writing in another. Soon I will be on a plane to the University of Battling I know a weird name but the brochure looked so cool plus I get my own room with a real bed and a the space I can decorate however I want. I withdrew from my daydream of the university when I heard yelling and footsteps leading to my hole. I didn’t know what to do I was planning on leaving when everyone was asleep so no one will know I was gone and there would be no trouble of course this couldn’t go the way I plan soon I saw them. Can I tell you a secret? Satan is not one man but a couple of people and their names are Chris and Erika Stevens. They made it to the bottom of the stairs and took in the sight without knowing I took a few steps back they looked royally pissed with I bit of shock mixed in.. “What the hell is going on here?” Chris asked me yep he was pissed. I tried to speak but nothing came out. “You heard your father ask you a question Rylei, what is going on here and where do you think you’re going?” my so called mother said. That’s when I found my voice. “He is not my father and never will be and as far as where I’m going I’m leaving and it’s none of your god d**n business where too.” This really shocked mom and Chris. “What the f**k did you just say you little whore.” This I laughed at I actually laughed which surprised us all. “Having something be taking doesn’t make me a whore but it makes you a sick twisted bastard.” But I didn’t stop there I had to get all this out so they know just what they caused me. “I hope one day you monsters will see what I went through I won’t be surprised if Chris starts f**king Mandy because you are an ugly b**tch outside as well as in and when you do Chris I hope she has the courage I never had and you get sent to prison then you’ll know what I really went through every time you came in my room and ripped off my clothes and forced yourself in me and mom you will know what it feels like to have a child you love so dearly hate your guts and I hope it tares you apart especially when she finds out he did it to me and you never did anything about it.” I took a breath for what seemed like the first time and felt something, what is this feeling. I think I feel free. And I looked at my “parents” for the first time I saw fear in their eyes yet they tried to keep their expressions blank. I took another breath and said, “Basically I hope you two will be in hell for the rest of your lives.” With these words I picked up my bags and walked up the stairs out the basement to the front door as I put my hand on the knob I heard my mother say. “If you walk out that door you are not welcome here Rylei Elise McIntyre.” I turned around saw my siblings in the doorway with tears running down their faces. Oh my god they heard everything I thought to myself. I walked over to the twins wiped their faces gave them a smile and a hug told them, “Everything is going to be ok.” Next I walked over to Jack I kneeled in front of him and said “ You have to be the real man of this house I’m trusting you to look after Mandy and Matthew but especially Mandy, I’m going to be gone for a while do you think you can handle that for me?” He looked at me and nodded I gave him a big hug and whispered “Thanks Sparrow.” I walked back to the door and turned to look at my mom dead in her eyes and replied, “don’t worry mom I won’t I haven’t been welcomed here since dad left your sorry a**,” with that I walked out of my hell and into the beginning of my real life… whatever that means I thought.
News and Updates Delta Pride Potluck to be Held May 15
Delta Pride end of the semester potluck will be on May 15 at 2 p.m. in the regular meeting room. Please check out the club facebook page for what to bring and if you already know what your bringing please post what it is so that we have a variety of food and drink.
Delta Pride Elections Are Coming Delta Pride will be holding elections on May 8, 2012. This is the season for elections and choosing your leaders for next year. Start thinking about who you feel can lead Delta Pride into the future. Nominations took place at the May 1 meeting. You can nominate yourself. Although you must be present to accept a nomination, unless you have already told current president Brian Wick that you accept any nomination before hand. To become an officer of Delta Pride, one must adhere to the member qualifications as well as the following: A. Must be enrolled in, and maintain four (4) units the entirety of their term in office; (In accordance with the ASBG and ICC Constitutions). B. Shall attend all meetings, (Excused absences will be allowed on a case by case basis) C. Maintain a cumulative GPA of 2.0 or better at all times; D. In the event of an office becoming vacant, the Delta Pride Board reserves the right to appoint an interim to fill out the remainder of the term. The offices of Delta Pride are: President, Vice President, Treasurer, Secretary, Publicist, Historian, Webmaster, Activities Coordinator.
Blogging for change
DELTA PRIDE CENTER ACCEPTING VOLUNTEERS The Delta Pride Center located in Cunningham 428 is seeking volunteers to work. Even though there is a steady crew of volunteers this semester it does not mean next semester is set. The club is in need of members to work the center and keep this safe place open. Delta Pride Center is open 9 a.m.- 4 p.m. If you are interested in volunteering for next semester please email delta pride at email@example.com
As many members know multiple members of the club blog, or have blogged in the past. Recently Jamie Cabrigas has started to vlog. She has posted a few blogs on the club facebook page. Jamieâ€™s blog: http://www.youtube. com/user/JustLezboJeo Check out her blogs for the marriage equality videos as well as more about being lesbian in this world. Also do not forget to check out wick picks, http://wickspicksweekly. blogspot.com
Day Of Silence 2012 San Joaquin Delta Pride hosts Day of Silence event on April 20.
The event was held in the Stockton Campus Quad to “bring attention to the silence faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and their allies. the deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by anti-LGBT bullying, name-calling and harassment.” Delta Pride’s table was decked out in the traditional rainbow colors, and had posters with quotes from influential LGBT and allied people. Also the table had a poster board asking those who signed it “what are you going to do to end the silence?” Many club members and Day of Silence participants signed.
Foxxie, the resident advice diva with UNSILENCED MAGAZINE is here to answer your questions. The following questions are what Foxxie was recently asked.
Question: In your opinion which is more controversial? Gay Rights or Racism? Why? Answer: Well there are many controversial issues in this world and they all have a purpose. Most have a great significance to our lives. It is hard to determine whether or not one controversial topic is greater than another, like racism and gay rights. I can’t make the opinion that one is greater or “more controversial” than the other because neither should be ignored and pushed to the side. Racism and Gay Rights have been argued and dealt with for years. Truth is neither issue has been resolved completely, there has and is only more tolerance within both topics. You want my opinion on which is more controversial, well I believe neither exceeds over the other. There still are people out there who are homophobic and racist. It’s unfortunate but it’s out there.
Q: Have you ever tried to get help from someone but no one would listen. Then someone tries to help you but all they do is talk
A: Yes I have. Sometimes the only way you can help someone is telling them your experience. For example if someone asked
me “How do you come out to your family” I can’t tell that person what to do. I can share my story and give him or her an idea of what to do. Maybe this person was trying to help you in a similar way.
Q: How is your relationship with your parents, knowing that your gay? A: My relationship with my parents (specifically my mother) is complicated but nice. Being gay is difficult for her to deal with.
Over time our relationship has grown stronger with understanding. My grandparents (who I consider my parents) are wonderful accepting people.
Q: Do you tell someone you are attracted to that you like them? A: Not all the time because I can be attracted to people who don’t like me like that or people who are not attracted to the same sex.
Q: Do you believe in heaven or hell? What is your take on gays being told they will go to hell? A: I believe there is a heaven and hell. I disagree that if you are gay you are going to hell. Just because someone is gay that
doesn’t mean they are doomed. My belief is we all have equal opportunity of going to heaven or hell. Who knows how you get there? No one! I try my best to follow the saying “do unto others as you would want others to do unto you” or the concept of Karma. If someone says you’re going to hell because your gay ignore their ignorance. They are only punishing themselves for hurting others in that manner. I say respect yourself and others and you will do fine.
Q: Do you care what people say about you? A: I used to care but as I become older I realize it does not matter what other people say or think about me. Only person that can say anything about me is myself. Yeah I have days where I unlike myself. I move past it all and remind myself I’m beautiful and have friends who care. Think about it if I worried what people were saying about me I would lose touch with who I am. I refuse to let anyone tell me who I should be.
Q: Someone spread a nasty rumor about me in school and now everyone picks on me and my friends are avoiding me. How do I deal with this?
A: This is horrible! I’m not sure exactly what is being said about you but it doesn’t matter. Rumors are disgusting all they do is
create problems. You have to stay strong and not let these words bother you. Please tell a close friend or family member what has been going on. If you are uncomfortable talking to any of those people go to an adult such as the school counselor. The longer you stay quiet the worse these rumors will get.
Got questions? Foxxie can answer them just email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
A Special Thanks to those who helped make this magazine better with some of their works.
Logan Davisson Jaime Cabrigas Barbara Ward Brian Wick Stephen Fox
Editors: Jessica Mae Rhoades Brian Ratto