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I have just discovered that sitting in watching cable can make you as angry as looking at the mess around you locally and globally. One minute I was prepared to kill rather than see another preview of a Friends’ episode, then the election leaflets drop through the door. After millions of years of evolution we have started to find ways of moving around this planet to explore rather than conquer bits of land other than the small one we know. Does it not fuck with your minds that we have allowed some evolutionary blips of humans to tell us that people coming to stay on this bit of land are a threat to our way of life. Who do you think we should be worried about; people of different nationalities who are looking for a new start, or disgruntled in-breds who don’t trust anyone who does not fit into their way of thinking. I hope I’m preaching to the converted here, but I’m just trying to work out exactly how angry to be that these fuckers live in my area.

crying in the streets?? How has this happened? I’ll admit that this show is well made, but so was the atomic bomb. Do you really like these characters?? Some of you must. The two characters with severe mental health problems are actually okay, but why not show some of the difficulties that Joey and Phoebe as educationally sub normal or delusional acid casualty would have in a health system such as the United States. As for the other four, the spoilt selfish one, the one that says sarcastic shit, the one who is clean and the one who is a self obsessed loser, how come they have not integrated into one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world. Their friends all seem to be suspiciously white and middle class. I’ll be there for you as long as you are ethnically pure???? Are we back with the extreme Right infiltrating my house, or is this just more cultural cleansing from the western media. Anyway the important thing I’ve learned is to keep angry because well just because. This mag is partly covering the Defcon summer anti-festival. The

Which brings me onto ’the end of Friends’. People

For advertising and any other shit email defcondiy@hotLADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

WE GOT HIM Robert Kilroy Silk 1691-2004 DEFCON



DOLPHINS BELIEVED TO H AV E N U C L E A R The war against terrorism took on a wet look today as fashion designer Stella McArtney declared Dolphins to have the means to produce nuclear threat. I believe that Dolphins are bright enough to destroy the planet, that is why from an ecological pespective we should protect them, but from a practical protectionist neo-liberal outlook they should also be wiped out. It s ironic and cruel, but also fun. Like my clothes. President Bush said her words must be taken seriously, The ocean is a big place and its ways are strange. If dolphins are no threat, how come there is dolphin friendly tuna when they have no apparent means of opening the tin? Plans to drain the oceans are now

GAMMA RAYS' PROVE INEFFECTIVE IN BAGHDAD Ongoing resistance from green, nine-foot Iraqis may be down to the controversial use of Gamma rays in US missiles, experts have claimed. Unexpected side effects of the rays have led to difficulties for coalition troops. 'Any sign of stress, and the Iraqis are turning into furious, indestructible behemoths' claimed an anonymous military source, 'then they just tear up the road and throw it at you'.

I had to get away from that asshole, before I beat the shit out of him with a tank.' Although difficulties with incredibly hulkish Iraqis persist, coalition troops have been already been vaccinated against gamma rays. 'Due to the recession, we couldn't afford enough syringes' admitted Sergeant Nick Fury yesterday, 'so we settled for using radioactive spiders instead'. Vice - president Thor yesterday warned of a devastating display of "sturm und drang" if the Top Pentagon physicist Dr. Bruce Banner was problem persisted. Dr. Banner is now believed to one of the first to warn of the side effects. 'I tried be missing. Robert Kilroy Silk was unavailable to warn the president about this', he claimed, 'but for comment.

LOOPHOLES IN CULTURE BID It looks likely that Liverpool is about to have the Capital of Culture bid stripped from it, after major loopholes in ts i original application were revealed. A monitoring process that is normally a formality has uncovered a long list of buildings that don’t appear to exist. "This is very unusual," said PierreVan Hydonk of the Capital of Culture team. "Normally problems such as these are ironed out on the visits to the city. However,it appears that our visiting representatives were convinced that there were no roads built yet that went to the Opera House in the Sky , and that the Centre for Inner City Cultural Excellence was invisible to the naked eye to protect the highly sensitive artists who went there." Their curiosity was aroused about the Stadium of Community Theatre , whose similarity to Anfield was compounded by the ’changing rooms’ with boots in them, but they were eventually re-assured that this was DEFCON


Theatre of sleep

for an improvisational piece that regularly attracted tens of thousands of theatre-goers. It was months later when one of the judges saw the theatre on Sky Sports that their suspicions appeared justified. When asked to comment Sir Bob Scott said; "Liverpool people are the best in the world with their sense of humour and The Beatles. Thank you for calling, please call again."


JUST WAT C H YOURSELF SON Wayne Rooney was today hailed as the greatest prospect the World had ever seen by footballing pundit Tommy Taylor. The ex-West Ham, Hereford and Real Madrid star of the Forties said; “In my time in the game I have never seen a talent like it. I would go as far to say he has the potential to be bigger than anyone I have seen in any walk of life,; sport, politics, religion, the lot.”

Taylor, who is now in charge of coaching at Clatterbridge declared confidently, “This lad could change the face of the planet. In fact he may be our only hope of salvation from a life of tyranny under the dark forces.” He had this word of warning, however: “The only thing that could fuck it for him is uneccessary expectation.”

TO N Y BLAIR SPEAKS OUT O N Earlier today the Prime Minister attempted to ease the current crisis surrounding the blatent lies over the Iraq war by sitting in a field. “I have had intelligence reports that clearly indicate that this is a good thing for me to do.” It now seems that there was a large amount of evidence of chemical

weapons having been hidden in Britain by Saddam without us knowing. This is almost certainly the fault of people with names like Ahamani. “You have to trust me on this one.” said Blair. “There is no way logic can stand in the way.” Tony Blair, concerned

OUTRAGE AT JUST F O R XMAS PETS Outrage flowed through the veins of many people including churchgoers today as Sony launched a 'Just for Xmas Pets Range.' Domestic animals such as cats, dogs and pets will be available that are designed to be playful over the Xmas period, but die peacefully from brain explosions in time for the kids to go back to school. A spokesperson from Sony said; "This is a great idea for today's busy consumers, it will provide kids with a real living breathing toy over the festive period, but there will be no annoying 'looking after' scenario when the holidays are over." These pets have not met with everyone's approval however, as animal rights activists such as this one claimed to be very upset. "I am very upset," told

you. "Animals are as much humans as we are. To breed animals with a lifespan of two weeks is not only cruel, it's dastardly." Sony claims that a two-week lifespan is not unusual. "If they were in the jungle or the ocean there is every chance they would have been eaten within a few minutes. These pets will have a great life for a few days then die from a very minor and quick dynamite implant that will become part of their physical make-up. It is nature. Or it will be soon." Many kids are snapping up the pets and don't seem to mind about the shortness of their lives, although this is partly because their parents are contractually obliged not to tell them. One happy shopper told us; "They'll be back on

Auto-erotic-dog-explode their Play stations in January anyway, this makes a lot of sense." DEFCON



"QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GI" HITS IRAQ The War On Terror took an unholy turn last night, as the Pentagon revealed that a crack team of TV lifestyle specialists has been secretly deployed in Iraq for the past nine months. The operatives have so far carried out at least ten inpromptu ’makeovers’ on Iraqi weddings deemed just "too

vulgar" to stand scrutiny. The elite force, consisting of the cast of lurid TV smash hit ’Queer Eye for The Straight Guy’ and several Greenwich Village veterans, were instructed by Donald Rumsfeld to seek out and destroy all "so last year" wedding parties in war-torn Iraq. Department of Defence

sources revealed that allout use of deadly force was encouraged, including carpet bombing with Louis Vuitton accessories. "It was unbelievable" said one traumatised member of the battalion, discussing a recent strike near the Syrian border. "The bride was clad in these like, totally tacky

rags and the groom was wearing white socks with black trousers and his face hadn’t been seen near a decent moisturiser for weeks". As he minced off to his Blackhawk assault helicopter, the unnamed style expert was heard shouting something about napalm.

☺ D AVID BLANE CONSpooky Illusionist David Blane was turned on in a major way by some complaining members of the public this week after a stunt that had viewers glued to their televisions with outrage. The goateed guru had been declaring for weeks that he was going to ’do himself some real damage’, but when he produced a pair of cheap garden shears and chopped of his astoundingly visible

member. Mary Milligan, head of the organisation; ’Watchers of TV for Moral Reasons’, stated, "This is wrong. Really wrong. This man is God’s to judge, but let’s just say I think I think I know a bit about God by now. " In his defence the freshly demanned Blane said, "I have given the public an insight into a world were men can be fully complete

and know what it takes to " He then collapsed, but TV chiefs say

MAGNET’S DON’T WORK SHOCK Two Portugese scientists may have stumbled upon one of the most astonishing discoveries of all time. If their studies are to be believed then it is possible that all magnetism is one gigantic co-incidence. ‘We first noticed that people weren't staying on

the planet as much as they used to,' said Dr.Hunaito. 'We studied the research into gravity and found out they were completely undermined by the 'infinite number of monkey's principle.'

If their work is found to be correct then it will radically effect our confidence in magnetism; 'as crazy as it sounds if you believe in infinity then there was always going to be a point in time where nearly everything just stuck together.'



President Bush today re-assured the American people that although the world may now seem like a dangerous place to live, he is pretty sure that a miracle along the lines of those seen in major sci-fi blockbusters will save the planet.

President Mugabe today declared that they will be proceeding with the ritual slaughters and oppression despite the confusion over David Beckham's future. He said today; "We are sympathetic and we realise these are difficult times, but we plan to go ahead with state killings. I have asked for an atmosphere of sombre respect to oversee proceedings."

"I've been watching a lot of videos," he told the nation. DEFCON



S H O C K A S K A N S A S ELECTS G U Y RIPPED TO THE TITS ON STEROIDS There were shock waves today as Kansas voted in Jean Claude Van Damme as new State Governor. This man s only qualifications are that he is a well known public figure who will act as a puppet. said Doctor Magneto, Chairman of the Alabama Institute of Economic Affairs. People must be capable of distinguishing between what is real and what is fictional, he continued Or the forces of evil will not be contained without a struggle that no-one, be they man or mutant would ever wish to envisage.

CHEMICAL THREAT VERY REAL SAYS CHEMIST The new terrorist threat will not come from big guns or planes, stated a chemist report today, but from the simple mechanism of powder mixed with evil. “There is no way that guns can pose the same threat as disprin wrapped up in a large packet of hell paper,” said a chemist. “The commonly held belief is that harmful chemicals such

as Anthrax will bring about the end of the world, when the truth is that all powdery stuff has the potential to squeeze the decency from your brain.” President Bush today re-iterated that while people of unusual countries can grind material into small particles then no-one is safe. “The American people will not stand

by and allow this nonsensical threat. We will remove materials that can be ground into powder by bombing these materials until they resemble a million little terrorist threats.”

G O V E R N M E N T HANDS BENEFITS There was controversy in many quarters today when the Government announced its "Hey Hey Hey, It's The All New Deal!" plans. This will involve the benefit system being handed over to popular seventies TV presenter Johnny Ball. "Many people have fond memories of Johnny and of course now know him as the father of the very popular DJ Zoe

Ball," said a Government guy. "It has a cross generation thing going and he was very good at maths." "I'm chuffed to bits," said Johnny. "I haven't been on tele for a long time, but this more than makes up for it." Planned changes include not paying anyone who can't boil an egg using friction, and in some cases just not paying people. "I'm not as well off as

I was," declared Johnny. This new move has alarmed unions within the DSS. "Our members rely on the long term unemployed staying just that. If this guy is as clever as they say he may magic up jobs from pieces of plastic cartons. Where the hell would that leave any of us?"



now deal for young Long term unemployment can lead many young men into the Tarantinoesque world of drugs. A new pro-active approach to this problem has been developed


Paul gets the right treatment

I was desperate for a job, I had the skills but seemed to lack the confidence. After signing onto New Deal my outlook changed. I realised I was completely to blame. My overblown ideas about what I could expect from life were holding me back. Now I am on four pounds an hour and out of the flat most of the day. Soon it will all be over.

Success Success

John has found his true place

Paul, 27 Life-long learner

John, 39 John, 32 Black Youth Black youth

I had been to several job interviews where people a lot less qualified than me had been given the post. I strongly suspected that there may have been racial discrimination involved and spoke to New Deal about it. They told me that I had to stop looking negatively at things and try to prove myself in lesser work first. I now intend to move away from the area for long term employment.

now deal for young Long term unemployment can lead many young women into Tarantinoesque prostitution. A new pro-active approach to this problem has been developed

Female jobseekers aged between 16 and 50 will get up to ÂŁ10 extra a fortnight when they take part in our new Lie Back/Take It scheme. New Deal clients will be given free training by our mentors (ex MP s, Councillors, Consultants, etc) on how to efficiently use their bodies. As one ex-Tory councillor put it; If you face the reality that many young women will be forced onto the streets, then you can start to deal with the fact that few higher class customers will use this service unless these women are properly trained. We expect all tricks to be declared or benefits will be stopped, but as an extra bonus, you can now take your first four clients without it affecting your benefit.

GET ON Y O U R B A C K ... A N D L O O K F O R W O R K

GOTCHA! This cheeky benefit fraudster was spotted on television by one of our eagleeyed employees doing work while claiming JSA. Her claims that she was an actor

only added to our suspicions. Benefit fraud costs the nation 5p per person per week, add it up and it means we can t produce those great ads anymore.

Phwoar! An inspiration to New Deal for young women













MAY 29TH An amazing line-up featuring THE PRIVILEGED FEW’s manic disjointed genius, STIG’s crazy ska dance frenzy, THE HAND MUSEUM’s quirky pop perfection and introducing from Jersey via London the spectacular ska-punk non-stop bundle of fun that is M O O G. JUNE 4TH The wonderful M U G S TA R host a heavy night of stoner, hardcore and punk featuring the fantastic GEISHA from Bristol, Flamingo 50’s nasty cousin; THREE MINUTE MARGIN, as well as one of the best hardcore bands in Liverpool; RED PA N D A. JUNE 11TH A line-up put together by Dave from a.P.A.t.T featuring one of the weirdest and most wonderful bands America has ever produced, USAISAMONSTER (Load Records). Very hard to describe the noise they produce although this review comes close: "With psychic unity and telepathic muscle memory, this terse and tweaked rock duo channels chaos into beauty with songs both poetic and pummelling. Their psychedelic punk is a pacifist full force attack; heavy rock that penetrates dominant reality and will change the world for ten minutes or so." They will be playing with drone specialists from London and Leeds THE BURNING HULL and LIKE A KIND OF MATA D O R, as well as a.P.A.t.T’s heaviest incarnation E U R O PANTS. JUNE 18TH Put together by the lovely people of LOVECRAFT this night sounds like the most unusual on the bill. You know how good Lovecraft are, well here’s a couple of reviews to explain more and then we’d better let them explain themselves: "A dark delight full of eerie peripheral noises and extra-terrestrial energies , M Y ELECTRIC LOVE AFFAIR are a band that could give Mulder and Scully sleepless nights." Edinburgh Evening News "STATIC WAVES sound like mental patients doing fairground karaoke" - Rough Trade ’the Static Waves are phenomenal’ - Durham University web site JUNE 25TH A free range assortment of artists related to the Kif: including members of Super Numeri /Zukanican /Hand Museum /747s and many more. JULY 2ND MALORIE have been snapped up by Candy Records after ecstatic live reviews. Their edgy punk brilliance should be a fascinating contrast to the amazing D AVID WRENCH , who you can read about elsewhere. BLUE DEMON are a contrast to anything else you may witness in your lifetime, an exhilarating live rockabilly extravaganza that alongside THE MESTIZOS fine gutsy blues should make this the most varied and entertaining of nights. JULY 9TH A stunning night of bands put together by one of London’s most exciting indie labels, Straightouttaclapton. Genuinely wetting ourselves at the prospect of this. JULY 16TH If you have never seen NARCOSIS live then your ears will be sitting around wondering if there is anything people haven’t mentioned. An assault and an absolute joy.DE SALV O have been highly recommended by our correspondents in Glasgow and we have been waiting to put them on for several months. They are as heavy and exciting as an old football in the rainforest. BILGE PUMP are an absolute class addition and Leeds best kept secret; "for sheer astounding onslaught virtuosity Bilge Pump should make any beginner "rock" musician want to give up and go home." Leedsscene. Added to an almost impossibly good line-up are THE UNHEALTHY, hardcore with a fun element to it that is going to make them one of the cities most sought after bands very soon. JULY 23RD WE STA RT FIRES excited everyone so much when they played in March that we pestered them to come back straight away and they are and once again playing with the brilliant tune-heavy psychedelic folk rock of BEXY SITCH AND THE CREEPY C R AWLIES, as well as the stunning live ska of best buskers in Liverpool THE 747s and the fantastic CUBICAL who you can read about elsewhere. JULY 31ST A rock celebration. In their very different ways THE LAZE and S U R G E are as exciting as live bands can get. They may be moving way beyond us soon, so do not miss them while you can. And as a special one off flavour-


M U G S TA R Interview by Chris Lee Mugstar have been of the most incendiary devices Liverpool has produced for a couple of years now and like a car bomb in Tuebrook there is no telling when they might explode. A devoted group of fans has recognised their frenetic, smouldering and sussed rock fury as the most exhilarating noise the city can make and with their live performances starting to get ecstatic responses and a John Peel session about to hit our brains a change in their profile seems to be coming sooner than they expected. Meeting with Pete, Neil and Jason from Mugstar in a city centre pub, I found myself in the privileged position of being the first person to ever interview the band. How did the Peel session go? Jason: It sounds really good. A lot different from what we expected. A lot better than we thought we could sound. Pete: They just really knew what they were doing. Probably the easiest recording I’ve ever had to do. Very relaxed. I’m quite surprised you didn’t find it nerve racking. Pete: At first it was a bit hard especially with the thought that there is a time limit. Neil: But the engineer was very laid back, which helped us relax into it. Pete: It was interesting and exciting in the BBC. Looking at the stickers of all the bands who’d been there. Neil: Like Dick Dale and The Scissor Sisters. Apparently Dick Dale didn’t play his guitar, he fell in love with this Steinway Piano that was there and used that. Surf piano! Do you think a vinyl single rather than CD helped you? Pete: A lot of bands go through the route of a demo on CD, maybe for sending to record labels. I think we prefer doing it ourselves, getting our own little label and releasing vinyl. Jason: It’s more money, about £800, but I think it’s worth it. We reckon it’s the reason a lot has happened for us like the Peel session and being played in France, Belgium, Germany and t Ialy. Pete: I think vinyl just looks better anyway. What sort of feedback have you been getting from people around the country? Neil: Bristol was fantastic. They were mad for it. Jason: The night before we played to an uninterested audience in London. When we came on most of the audience left and came back to watch the band after us. They didn’t even give us a chance, but the next night in Bristol was a complete turn around. The whole thing in London seemed very fashion orientated. Pete: London does seem very effected by music industry fads. When you speak to people after you’ve played do percep-



Our songs are our children. We send them out into the world and then they are their own responsibility tions of your music coincide with what you want to express? Neil: I don’t want to get anything in particular across. How people interpret the music is completely up to them. Pete: Yeah, I agree, we are not really a band with a message. Neil: Our songs are our children. We send them out into the world and then they are their own responsibility. Pete: I suppose our music is just from us. They really are experiments coming out of our love for music. We want to play gigs and rock basically. But, there is real coherence, structure and purpose in what you do. Neil: We all listen to different music so there are lots of different things coming into our music, but it doesn’t actually feel like a compromise, I prefer the term synthesis. Any bands you have played with recently who have pleased your ears? Neil: We played with Melt Banana that was really good and one in Manchester with an American band called Oneida. Pete: Oneida were really inspiring they had amazing energy. Jason: That gig was a big influence because the gigs we’ve done since have been a lot more energy driven. Pete: They were full on and distorted, but their energy was so positive. We aspire to that. Jason: We met a like-minded band in Southampton called Hunting Lodge. Hopefully a tour and split single will be done with them.

'sakura henderson


LIVE ON JULY 31ST - LIVERPOOL ANTI-FESTIVAL 2004 'sakura henderson


SUR Interview by Chris Lee It is easy to forget how young Surge are. In a few years they have gone from a talented punk outfit into a band that can play on the same stage as Stiff Little Fingers and provide the audience with a real sense of the attitude and drive that punk infected music with. They have developed a very catchy but edgy set of songs that will live with you and hopefully see them become the driving force behind a fresh and authentic Liverpool sound. I met with Aaron, Danny, Joe and new member Sheepy at The Kif where they rehearse. What is Surge’s history? Aaron: It was five years ago. Danny and Danny: Or get him to do everything. his mate Jay decided they wanted to Aaron: Yeah Sheepy go make us a cup start a band and I was jealous. I didn’t of tea now. want them doing something I wasn’t. I tried to be the singer and was relegated So are we going to see more musito the bass as well. We knocked about cal influences in the band? for a few years playing in pubs getting Aaron: Yeah, but they’re coming from our thing together until we got on the the past. We don’t really listen to new music scene in town and we’ve been music. I just don’t feel excited by much floating around in mediocrity since. new music. Maybe new bands are doing well at emulating older bands, but I like How would you say your music has to go back to more authentic stuff . developed? Danny: It’s got better, I think. Especially The band have done a lot of gigs just recently it’s developed because now, so how confident do you feel we’ve got a new member. as performers? Aaron: Much more confident. Arrogant. Aaron: Secret weapon Sheepy. Sheepy: Only time will tell.

Danny: Cocky bastards. I suppose we feel more professional now.

Danny: So, it’s a bigger sound hopefully. Aaron: We want to expand ourselves. W e’ve been trying to do that lately. Not being dictated to by anybody and going with our feelings. We’ve broadened our horizons and our music has broadened. When we listen to the early stuff we laugh at it. Maybe in a few years we will listen back to what we are doing now and think it’s bollocks.

Aaron: We are the type of band that can go to a gig and set up in ten minutes, so we may act like arseholes, but we work fast. Also, we’ve had gigs at these rough pubs where really pissed people were constantly shouting at us, so you have

we may act like arseholes, but we work fast to learn to be confident to deal with that. Have you come to like being heckled then? Danny: Hecklers are boss. Sheepy: We love them. Not the ones who just shout knob-head or something, but the funny ones. Joe: I think too many of them are wankers. So what do Surge have planned for the future? Danny: Playing in the Czech Republic in the summer, hopefully. Just a few gigs there. Sheepy: We are supporting Busted in the summer and roadying for them. I want to get to know them as close friends. Aaron: I really want to assert our opinions and question the beliefs of others. That’s part of the plan anyway.Also, I

Danny: I don’t know, though, I feel more comfortable with the songs now and we will keep them for a good few years. W ould you say you were a band constantly progressing? Danny: It did seem so until recently when we had a short break, but hopefully with Sheepy coming in it will start developing again. Aaron: We do need to work harder now we have a new member in. DEFCON


'sakura henderson



CUBIC AL Cubical have been forging a reputation in Liverpool’s furtively blossoming diy scene with a timeless understated genius. You sense they will progress into one of the nation’s best bands with the same lack of fuss with which their home- town of St. Helens gets on with its existence on Merseyside. Their songs scratch and dig a home inside your head. Blues tinged, melodic and growlingly fluent, a sound that has been growing since they got together at fifteen to form a punk band called Burning Tramps. Alex: We started playing ’cos we were friends and we wanted to be in a band together, but it was only punk because we really couldn’t play. We got a set together of about thirty songs as quick as we could, but the lyrics weren’t as good as they are now and the chord p r o g r e s s i o n s were na ve. Percy: We believed we were immediately the best thing in St. Helens, which you’ve got to I suppose. Alex: We were fuckin’ huge in St. Helens. Dan: Although we were mainly a really good way of getting underage drinkers into pubs. An enforced break and an upheaval to Liverpool saw a change in style, not a decision they seem to regret. Dan: Our music was starting to change anyway ’cos we were getting better. Percy: Then it was a natural thing to move to Liverpool from St.Helens, because it’s not very far away and Liverpool just seemed to accept different styles and ideas. Dan:






it’s a lot harder to be eloquent when you’re happy adults here as well. Alex: Yes playing in St . Helens could be like a school dance when you were nine, but to be honest we took so long out that it felt like we had started again in Liverpool. Dan: Now its only people like yourselves that drag up those old ghosts. I don’t ever want to go back to those dark places." Percy: Although at least it taught us to play the blues. Things developed for them very quickly in Liverpool where the right kind of venues and fan base seemed to be developing at just the right time. Dan: One of the first places and some of the best gigs we played were at Jump Ship Rat, they seemed to really like us there and that kind of shaped things. Alex: It just became a kind of proper thing then and we started playing round

the proper clubs. Dan: Although, I had to give up my dreams of becoming a football commentator. Alex: There were a lot of dreams that were shattered along the way, but things were definitely better. Despite becoming quickly accepted and loved in Liverpool their musical style still seemed at odds with most of what was happening at the time, a style born from a totally democratic .working process. Alex: We don’t have any individual genius who comes in and says this is how it’s gonna be. Percy: I think we have a lot of influences that make us different from a lot of the bands around and we are all quite comfortable with how each of us plays, so it’s just about swapping ideas. Alex: It’s like scouts, I

suppose. Dan: I got out of that game at Beavers, I’d had enough of saluting the flag and useless bows you can tie. Their unique style is reflected heavily in the enigmatically downbeat style of vocalist and lyricist Dan, but there are varying ideas about how this style emerges. Alex: Misery, rejection. Percy: Isolation. Dan: A lot of it revolves around how I’m feeling. Or how I’m viewing certain issues, I mean that in the topical sense, not just how I’m viewing masturbation that day. I write in more scenarios now, or maybe I’m becoming more sustained in my miserabilist stance. Alex: I suppose it’s a lot harder to be eloquent when you’re happy. The band’s nights No More Horses also have a highly individual feel to them and have recently had a successful change of venue to The Everyman Bistro. With the nights developing and the bands popularity growing their ambitions are bigger than their adopted home.



THE LAZE Sordid old clichØ it may well be but; ’The Laze are Rock’. They have all the ambitious belligerence of prog without the sense of indulgence as well as being heavily flecked with saltwater punky freshness. Each song starts out making some pretty big promises, but your head and feet are both paid back with interest. They have nothing to do with fashion and everything to do with the power of music to stimulate every organ still functioning. There is no ignoring the trends and fashions of polite rock circles, they just seem to float above it, before crashing down to show them what they’re missing. W e even decided we had to visit them in the strange place they call home, and so found ourselves at the end of our Saveaway powers in a West Kirby pub talking to Dave Legend and Nick Templeton from the band. Who are The Laze and how did it all start? Dave: "We started off playing this place in New Brighton for a laugh. It turned out that loads of people were coming to see us and so we focussed on it and started to do songs. We are trying to take rock to the next level. The Laze are artistically out there, boundary pushing, but accessible as well. We don’t just want people sitting round thinking ’this is really clever’." How did the relationship they have with the crowd start? Dave: "I just buzz off them. We get energy off the crowd and I want to give it right back. I’m right there feeling it with them. I know it’s not very cool at the moment to be onstage acting like a dickhead, but I love it."

Mountain King that sounds like it was waiting for the right rock band to come along. Dave: "So much classical music is as heavy as fuck, we just played In the Hall of the Mountain King as we’d play it and didn’t re-interpret it. We did want to do a classical album, but we also wanted to do a Commodore 64 covers album, ’cos that sounded like all the failed prog rock musicians from the 80s ended up programming that when there was nothing else for them to do. I can see a future writing for Playstation."

What effect does West Kirby have on their music? Dave: "I suppose if we lived in Liverpool we’d be more part of the music scene, but this is our home and our inspiration. A lot of the bands we know here have got a similar sense of humour and lazy attitude to life, there is a lack of pressure in West Kirby. " Nick: "And it’s a redneck backwater for old people." Dave: "Well there is that problem. The corpses are piling up." So what will the future hold for them? Dave: "We are starting to sell out clubs now, we just want to keep doing that until people can’t ignore us. We are all really good friends, we are not thrown together, we are bonded together and we’ll end up playing music together whatever. " Nick: "Besides it’s going to take Dave twenty years to pay the money back he owes me." So if they have a message for us what is it? Dave: "Most of our songs are about overthrowing icons and taking our rightful place on the throne, that’s what’s rock is about."

Do they feel their music is very different from the ’new’ Liverpool sound? Nick: "The thing is can a town only have one sound at any given time. At one point it was just jingly-jangly shite, but you can see there is more interesting stuff emerging now and I think we are part of that" Dave: "Probably because of where we are from people tried to say we sound a bit like The Coral and there is a few Sea Shanties in there, but we can’t help it. We live by the sea and our ancestors are all Vikings. It’s in our blood." One of the highlights of their set is a version of In the Hall of the 'sakura henderson





LOVEOne of liverpools most innovative bands, Lovecraft, have put together an extraordinary and exciting lineup for the festival. Adam from the band talks us through it. I was in the Broad Street post office with my two daughters when I bumped into Craig from the Widnes band Lovecraft. He was cashing a postal order when some old woman behind him suddenly went nuts and accused him of taking something from her which was bollocks because it wasn't anything to do with her. Craig managed to take a swing at the woman but she ducked and sent him flying in to the birthday cards. In the end it was a complete misunderstanding and everyone was totally cool about it. Craig remembered me from the ATP festival and we decided to have a coffee down the road. I told him about the piece I was writing for Defcon about the 24/7 gig in Liverpool. "Good luck" he said, coolly slurping on a Frappuccino. 'It should be pretty exciting seeing My Electric Love Affair again." That's one of the four bands playing on the night and are from Edinburgh. I'm assuming you've heard of them but if not just try to imagine you have. The Static Waves are all from York but sound more like they're from New Brighton or Wallasey. Their melodies make me think of a box of postcards from a house clearance. The whole Static's album is like standing on an alien oil rig with a sandwich.

Had enough? What about Craig's band Lovecraft? They've been causing a big splash in the Mersey Area (Mersey Valley? /Mersey?). I asked Craig if Lovecraft were going to play some stuff from the new album. He was right down to the ice now and seemed more annoyed with Starbucks for filling the cup with ice. "You don't get much coffee and the rest is ice!" He said stone faced, sucking through his straw a gas /liquid mixture; half ice, half air. It sounded like a dentists. He seemed happier once I'd offered him a smoke. The

The whole Static’s album is like standing on an alien oil rig with a sandwich fourth and perhaps most unknown band appearing is something called this new band I've never heard of called The Electric Company. Who the hell are they and where do they come from? Are they even a band or just a bunch of weird fucked up Merseyside recluses from the Mersey? All I know about them is they get their Job Seekers Allowance paid by direct debit because

it's a lot safer. I've got no idea if they ever go out or what their music is like. It might be shit with a bullet but it could also be stunning like the birth of a brand new kid. No one else has ever heard them before apparently so this gig at the 24/7 will be the first time these dudes appear. All the other dudes mentioned are also on, same night at the 24/7!



STRAIGHTO U T TACL LIVE JULY 9TH @HEV N & HELL W e like to think of ourselves as dealers in Class A Audio. Straight Outta Clapton Records, isn’t a Record label in the regular sense, based more around the school yard idea of swapping compilation tapes of ya fave bands, we are searching for an antidote to the tiresome tradition of bands waiting to be swept of their feet by a greasy guy in an VIRGIN sponsored Merc, waving cash, while furiously tossing off Richard Branson.

D.i.y flavoured offerings and furious ambient rants .. For the rest of 2004 we’ll be doing more travelling S.O.C nights like this, working with good folk like Defcon, and similar sonic orientated groups to help make independent music a safer place to rest ya ears. We have some fine releases coming out later in the year including some vinyl from violin wielding clown punks MURDER MILE, Seedy surf rants and croons from Nick Marsh who used to front Flesh for Lu Lu, and KABU KI BUDDAH, a French band who sound like ABBA getting fucked by Fugazi. Plus a.P.A.t.T + STIG have some new recordings and are going to Holland/Belgium for a noise, cheese and weed holiday in late July......

W e Promote, distribute and shout about music we come across on our travels, strange music that otherwise may go unheard, wether its a 12", cd, cdr.... fookin moores code.. who cares!.I couldn t even be arsed naming all countries and fucked up towns the people involved in S.O.C come from, but for some reason we ve ended up residing in Hackney, East London, and have set up a an Online record keep a eye on www.StraightOuttaClapton.com for future Shop, free Jukebox and Webzine as an outlet for noise . sonic shit in Liverpool and similarly built up areas....

Liverpool conceived, East London based, Stig‘s T R U M P E T ORIENTATED TWISTED B E ATS OF CARNIVAL GUITAR NOISE has been doing laps of the country since the release of their PISSED AS A RT E.P. From the Cities and backwaters of the U.K to the squat parties of Europe, all in the name of piss-artistry and intensely delivered Class A Audio. During 6 years of melding drum ‘n bass , D.i.Y punk rock, Mexican brass bands and surgical guitar noise, Stig have made allies of Steve Lamaqc, Everett True, Sir John Peel and Jon Robb to name a few finally a debut album of hap-hazard fuzzy tunes will be released before



a.P.A.t.T. r without doubt the most fucked band in Liverpool right now... equal measures of absurd beauty and random chaos. thiEr shows r currently kicking off with random claps, whistles, wood blocks and incense b4 taking a sharp turn in digital devil voiced hardcore then winding down with a barber shop quartet style sing song about the voices in their heads. thou not know what noise is till ya get about half way through their first E.P, just past the wicked bouncing Hip Hop of My Nuns Door Theme and tear jerking NiceII...when BROKEN Elbow lands pronouncing every other form of music fookin lightweight...

in a way that only happens when a band lack any interest in impressing anyIMMI- Noisy one that happens to catch them screaming LIARS! to the ghosts of Sonic Youth and Steve Albini. Straight Outta College and onto the dole to record their debut E.P in a Hackney basement between bouts of musical vandalism in Liverpool village and romantic ideals for the noise they make.


W ith airplay from Sir John Peel firmly hidden in their knickers from their last release, these retarded ex porn stars from a town called Muff in Northern Ireland have turned years of pissed up bar talk and twisted humour into some hard to ignore insane jazzy cartoon Folk/metal. Their last 3 releases were recorded with funds whored from medical research experiments, as are these debut U.K gigs. Coming on like Mark E Smith vs The muppets, with stories of growing/skinning and pissing it up in Northern Ireland.


FA C T A: WHEN A RABBIT GETS BATTERED BY A FOX, IT MAKES A FOOOKING AMAZING SOUND. Northern Irish woman of drums fronting a new born band feat. members of Stig, Murder Mile and legendary audio cut ’n pasters, 3 Ant Riot... These exiled sonic nerds from Norway / Italy / Derry & Runcorn have cooked up an E.P of drastic disco guitar noise for those of you that like eerie female vocals, dis-located guitars and spastic backward beats... Fact B: Usagi is Japanese for Rabbit



D AVID WRENCH David Wrench is a 6’ 5" albino who makes essential electro pop with a jagged edge. Born in Bangor, he is now signed to legendary Manchester label Storm Music. He has worked with bands such as The Coral and Super Furry Animals, as well as wowing the kids on The Scissor Sisters tour with his dick beat band. He has been described by Radio Wales as a ’minor welsh legend’ and told by Thom Yorke to ’fuck off out of my face,’ following a confrontation due to his anti-war version of Creep being banned by Radiohead. He is a rum revolutionary whose amazing single Superhorny mixes the Pet Shop Boys with Devo and Sparks. Do not miss him!

if pushed I’d describe it as apocalyptic party music How would you describe your music? I try to let it describe itself, but if pushed I’d describe it as apocalyptic party music. Either that or like those chocolates which have a dark chocolate truffle centre encrusted within a crispy white outer shell....mmmm tasty! How deliberate is the contrast between the music’s accessibility and the edginess and confrontational attitude within the lyrics? I try not to be too deliberate about anything when I’m writing or recording, apart from the fact that I’m very deliberate in trying not to sound anything like Sting or Paul Weller. Also, I don’t see the lyrics as confrontational, I just write about what I feel/think, and that’s pretty hard to do without upsetting anyone. They probably only seem confrontational when compared to all that anodyne drivel, and manufactured corporate-driven angst out there at the moment. Who and what inspires you socially, culturally and politically? Socially, I’m inspired by people who have the balls to do their own thing, even if that means a life of obscurity. Culturally, I’m currently into all things Japanese and French. The French definitely know how to live well, and I love the way that Japanese culture



holds a prism up to western trends, breaking them apart and magnifying them until they are beautifully distorted. Politically, it’s hard to be inspired by anyone, now that Tony Benn has left politics. It’s all about money, and money is wholly uninspiring and dull. It should be about people and society. Has the audience you appeal to surprised you? I’m pretty surprised that I appeal to anyone! It’s exciting that there’s no predefined audience for a W elsh electro albino, so I’ve got to go out there and make my own. How has the music industry’s attitude towards you surprised you? I’ve been very surprised as to how well my stuff has been received. I knew that what I do was going to split opinion, but I’m happy to see how many people get i t . When re-writing Creep, did you believe at any point it would lead to conflict with Radiohead? No, but that was probably me being naive. Can you describe your live performance, and tell us how you judge success both live and generally? Lot’s of White Leather, and technology. I’m a hideously

David Wrench s Super Horny EP is out now. email: info@stormmusic.com

Clydestyle Windows Traditional Glazier Manchester Piccadilly November 2003. David Wrench approaches his hero Thom Yorke to find out why he has refused permission for the release of his mind blowing antiwar reworking of creep.

B: Bangor’s main boy David Wrench pursues Thom as onlookers begin to take note. Thom appears unimpressed, check out that fucking face. Thom’s in no mood to entertain his adoring public, in fact he’s ready to blow.

C: A member of Wrenchy’s fan club approach’s Thom. “Why won’t you let the single be released. It’s part of an anti-war EP, he thought you’d approve?” Yorke explodes, “You know what I’ve been doing all year, I’ve been working hard.” “So have I. Big deal.” Oops, bad move.

D: It’s all over. Shortly after storm music recieve a call from Radiohead’s manager, boiling with rage, but he says he’ll investigate. True to his word we get a solicitor’s fucking lovely letter asking us to cease and desist from using the track or else. Hail To The Thief, just don’t steal our songs! Next month David wrestles with Jamie Cullum.

Greenhouses, Aquariums Quick Effiencent Service Free Quotations Est. 1999

Contact 07952893604





From that point on Defcon became resident in the venue and in just under six months of it becoming a new venue for bands to play it has witnessed some of the best gigs to storm Liverpool in a long time. The venue has started to be used by a wide range of punk and indie promoters looking for the right atmosphere and the chance to create a fresh scene.

'sakura henderson

The first time that we heard of Club 24/7 was the result of being invited to a Frat Party there. We booked a Defcon gig in on the recommendation of the Frat promoters. This was last December when we were fed up with most of the venues in town. It had become almost impossible to keep prices low, pay bands and break even. At the time there was nothing to lose and it was great dealing with people who were just glad to work with you. The gig was a stormer with the Defcon house band, Krautrock, Surge and Narcosis creating a great atmosphere.

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"IT’S GREAT HERE, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE PA RT OF THE GIG" Bands such as a.P.A.t.T, The Hunns, The Laze and Leatherface have packed the place out and had an amazing response, but even gigs with smaller crowds have created a great vibe. The audiences are always friendly and lively, and it is a very popular place with bands. When the crowd are right on top of them it provides a real chance to perform. Six months in and the venue is developing. A name change to Hev’n ’n’ Hell, a new look and big changes planned in terms of facilities for bands and promoters, as well as drink promotions. Hev’n ’n’Hell has two floors for gigs or dance nights, both hold-



ing a couple of hundred people with PA facilities and friendly staff. Gigs can be booked in free of charge at any time of the week, and as long as the promoters put the effort in then the venue will work brilliantly for them. The philosophy behind the venue is to work with bands and promoters, because if it is worthwhile for everyone then people will keep coming back. It seems to be working. Hev’n ’n’ Hell is providing a genuine change and a real challenge to the cynicism of the Liverpool scene. It is attracting some fantastic nights, punk, alternative and indie, with bands from all over the country and some amazing international

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LIVERPOOL ANTI-FESTIVAL 2004 acts already booked in. Its location on Fleet St . seems ideal, slightly cut off from the main gig drag, but still at the heart of tahings, it has quickly built up an independent spirit that will see it buzzing in the next few years. Don’t miss the chance to create your own space in a new alternative.

'sakura henderson

If you want to book a night or find out more then phone Glen on 07743343056. Remember it is free to book the venue, whatever time of week.














"This is the venue we have been waiting for since Planet X" - Jason, Band member "I’ve enjoyed pretty much every night I’ve been down here, the punk nights have been brilliant" - Chris, Punk fan "It’s one of the few venues, I’ve known where it’s worth just checking out what’s going on" - Colin, Rock fan "It’s exciting and different. It’s become a real part of Liverpool already" Chris, Promoter





Hardly a day goes by when this habitat is not populated by the edgiest of Liverpool’s musi-

by Aaron Boland

Liverpool is a city which it seems, is having a culture crisis. It's not hard to see the Capital of Culture escapade as a sham, something that the average person will not be affected by in any positive way. What it does mean is that the city council will be neatly brushing over our home grown culture, replacing it with easily digested pap for all to see without looking really for it. This imposed culture could easily be shrink wrapped for Milton Keynes, or any other super mediocre city on our island. Liverpool does not deserve this, however it cannot live forever on John Lennon or the Mersey Ferry. This is not our Culture anymore. The Kif on Parr Street is a shining beacon in this culture pogrom, casting its rays upon all who dare to gaze upon it. It is an art gallery-cum-recording studio, and one of those rare gems of a place that just had to happen. Born out a collective vision for a place where local talent could be nurtured and allowed to progress, it will cater for anyone who would like to express themselves. Esteemed local musicians, The Living Brain (Featuring Tom Sumnall and James Pagella) set up the centre as a focal point and base for the group and its associated bands, collectively known as Alive Music. The Kif has recently displayed the work of acclaimed young artists, as well regular showings of in house master, James Pagella. It also plays host to frequent film showings, giving any one who will watch a chance to see mind expanding art house works, classics and rarities, neatly tied up with a cup of tea and a biscuit for afterwards. The atmosphere in The Kif is very laid back, almost organic. Constantly changing and evolving, the workspace shouts creativity. Hardly a day goes by when this habitat is not populated by the edgiest of Liverpool's musicians. It is true to say that a mythical quality has attached itself to The Kif. Ever since it was first conceived it was a kind of Lost City of Gold for anyone with their ears to the ground. This is not because it is some sort of clique orientated fortress that is difficult to find, but because its frustrating to find a centre in Liverpool so willing to help you out and has therefore gained



much kudos. It is not difficult to see the Kif as the epicentre of local uber culture, acting as a hub and meeting point for fringe music organisers and is at the heart of a burgeoning group of partisan promoters such as Dead Monkey. If you would like to get involved, or use the

space and resources of The Kif, this would be appreciated as it is always looking for help and growth, simply call in or give them a ring. Be sure to check out any of the events The Kif puts on as they are always interesting and eclectic. Support one of the last outposts of true culture in our decaying province, and maybe, just maybe, we will be rid of Paul McCartney forever. There is always hope.




THE MEDICINE The Medicine Show is a collaborative creation that brings together cabaret, underground political and freakish films, and live performance from a band that drives the show with a mix of blues / dub / fusion of conscious music. This is a melting pot of words, images, sounds and half-baked ideologies to entertain the disillusioned masses of modern life with one message: you're sick! This is high octane, low budget, miraculous activist performances like you've never seen before. The show is lead by Mick Fuzz as a battered, injured, washed-up Uncle Sam, a deranged salesman dragging the American dream from town to town. Guest characters include a crazed scientist from the mysterious Sidegrinder Biotech Corporation, recently exhumed French suicide Situationalist Guy Debord, and Ronald McDonald.

The show is lead by Mick Fuzz as a battered, injured, washedup Uncle Sam, a deranged salesman dragging the American dream from town to town

Mick Fuzz says it all started "…on an intergalactic drive back from Spain where a group of us were thinking about ideas for a roadshow to spread the word about the leaders of the G8 coming to the UK. We wanted something accessible and funny but which didn't pull any punches politically. I was inspired by the insane activist cabarets that have been happening in Australia and the UK over the last few years, Earthdream which evolved from Anti-Uranium blockade parties, Operation Alchemy, and the Cabaret at the End of the World, shows that are raw, visceral but really involve the audience. I wanted to develop the experience even further by integrating music and narrative films… Our twist is that now we are selling Anti-Consumer Ideas…" The band says it all started "when we stupidly mentioned that our songs kind of fit the message. Now it feels like we've run away with a circus freakshow." We aim to entertain, inspire and help people create their films and shows. We have a bookstall peddling anticapitalist propaganda and T-shirts, Media activist toolkits and subvertising freebies. We also do workshops in low-cost video production. As Guy Debord says in the show: "I really don't care because I am dead. But somehow you must stop the spectacle of consumption and create" See you there, sickos.

The Medicine Show play live @Hev’n ’n’ Hell (formally Club 24/7) S AT. JUNE 12th 8pm

Hair Cutting, Colouring, Highlights, Extensions, Dreadlocking, Colouring, Skull Braiding, Plaited Braiding


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10% off with this mag

The Palace, Slater St, Liverpool, L1 4bs 0151 709 5089 DEFCON



Jimmy Rusdale s My liverpool Jimmy Rusdale is Liverpool born and bred and one of the most famous writers in the world. He wrote his first play at the age of 28, while still working as a proof-reader for a talking book publisher. His tale of a young child growing up in a city while struggling with writers block struck a chord with many sixties kids, but was probably a bit shit for the tight buttoned literary circles he was about to challenge. He broke onto our television screens with The Backwater Boys, a series of 58 stories about different Liverpool playwrights all struggling to get a script published during the height of unemployment in 1980s Liverpool. It spawned the character Spuds with his catchphrase; 'gizza lucrative contract' and his funny way of being violent. It became symbolic. His most famous play Pushing Up Daisy, was the story of a beautiful working class girl being taught how to write a successful screenplay for television by a rugged Liverpool writer who has to compete for her attentions with an oaf of a husband. In 1990 it was made into a film starring Sean Connery as the writer, Kim Bassinger as Daisy and Arnold Swarchzenegar as the coarse bullying husband. It brought him to the attention of the world, but Liverpool remains close to his heart and he received a lot of critical and commercial attention for his play Workers, written while several women from the Jacobs factory in Walton were allowed to watch from the garden. He writes exclusively for Defcon about 'His Liverpool.' "When I first heard that Liverpool had DEFCON


Beatles, and if you want the essence of everything that is Liverpool then you only need to listen to their simplistic songs. "Eleanor Rigby wearing a coat that she keeps in a jar by the bed." That's Liverpool for you; tragic but there's always a smile on peoples' faces. It's usually the result of a depressive mood swing. To my mind all the Spuds and Daises just getting on with their normal lives are the real artists, I'm just lucky to be blessed with amazing talent. become City of Culture I thought, 'well about bloody time.' I know that may be a bit blunt for some tastes, but that's me. If I need to scratch my arse I'm not gonna wait for the Mayor to hide the camera. Culture to me is a different thing from what them people in London sitting around chatting about the size of their extensions think. As my character Daisy said in Pulling up Daisy, "Art isn't some painting on a canvas it's the mess me son makes in his pants." Despite being incredibly successful I've lived within a car drive of the Liverpool area since I was a lad and I know what makes the place tick. This is the city that gave the world The

That's where I look for culture; inbetween the cracks in the dirtiest streets, in the dark alleys were we would playfully damage each other, on top of one of those machines that would rinse clothes, I can't remember what they're called, but they are culture. I've carefully put together some of the parts of Liverpool that are important to me as an ordinary bloke who just happens to have a touch more insight than the rest of you. I think they will show that you can keep your Tates, your Philharmonics and your care homes, because these are the places that make Liverpool what it is. This is the city of culture. My Liverpool.


Jesus is alive! Is Jesus Alive? Are we really alive? A writer can ask the questions that even the religious people don t always ask and Liverpool can always answer.

I grew up very close to a recycling factory.It came to symbolise the whole idea of recycling. Like, are things new or recycled. If you look around the faces of Liverpool people I sometimes wonder. But at least you can tell they are

In the eighties they were trying to build new houses for people. It came to symbolise in my mind the stupidity of not living in the past. A slum is a thing. It has a heartbeat.

Where some people see dirt. I see lives lived. Cleaning streets is like cleaning your history away. I wonder if the tele works.

From the Union closed shops to the closed shops that are shops that have shut, it s what makes me write. Let s pray they never 'david smyth




SNAPPERT R O AN INTERVIEW WITH MARTY EX OF THE LEGENDARY ZEB A N D NOW ONE OF THE MASTERMINDS BEHIND THE HAT BAND A N D SNAPPERTRONICS Can you describe your musical style? Reggae in a dub stylee. Pure and simple Your fan base seems to have followed you through several incarnations, do you feel you reflect a part of Liverpool culture that is not being provided for generally? You mean apart from old farts, exravers and young parents who don’t get out much? You have always seemed closely aligned to the more radical aspects of Liverpool’s culture has this been a blessing or curse? I’m not sure what the "more radical aspects of Liverpool’s culture" means. Are you trying to imply that we are in some way subversive? Most of the bands you have been involved with seem to create a party atmosphere at their gigs, how deliberate is this and has it

effected the way you have developed musically? When I go and see a band in a club, I don’t want to be staring at my shoes bobbing my head in a "I’m too cool or scared to move my legs fashion." I just want to get up and have a dance. So when I see people dancing like loons to the music we’ve made, I just think aahh what a beautiful sight and it makes me feel that it’s all worthwhile. How would you describe the attitude of the band? Lapsed Catholic Do you feel expectations of what a Liverpool band should sound like have hindered yourselves and some of the other more distinctive bands in recent years? No, there’s no accounting for taste. I haven’t got a problem with jangly guitars. I just choose not to have them in the music I make. What would make you happy in



terms of your musical career in the next few years? A few gigs in a warmer climate would help. You never know, I might even sell a cd. What or who has inspired you over the years either musically or otherwise? Anyone fighting back against the shit How do you think the Capital of culture will effect the musical scene in Liverpool? I think the resistance to the capital of culture will be interesting. I think it could be part of a motivating force in how, where and why music is made in this city. I think the town hall would make a good gigging venue, or maybe we should sell it and turn it into luxury flats. What are the three things people will be missing most if they don’t come to your gigs? Dub, Dub and Dub (sorry I could only think of one)


DAMIAN HENE RTY THE MAN WHO GAVE LIVERPOOL ITS MUSIC by Keith Carter Liverpool is a historical city of song. Her streets have bred some of the greatest in the pop world: The Spinners, The Bandits and Sonia. And one man who has been witness to them all, one man who has brought us the bawdy sea shanties of Cilla Black to the KY Jelly jollities of Frankie Goes To Hollywood. This is the story of Damian Henerty, whose genius and foresight brought about the onset of blues, rap, folk, punk and psychedelia. But not Country and Western - that was Hitler¹s fault. This is the tale of a man who created pop music and the terrible price he had to pay for it. Damian Philip Henerty was born Damian Philip Henerty on the Scabby Pov¹s Ward of Oxford Street Maternity Hospital, Liverpool, sometime between tea time and World War Two. The son of a docker¹s handbag and a Lime Street prostitute, Damian had few prospects. On the day that he was born he was sentenced to five years¹ imprisonment for fraud. His parents were expecting a baby girl. But it was within Walton¹s prison walls that Damian¹s luck changed. He was fortunate enough to be cell mates with Tommy Spiders, convicted mutilator and banjo gymnast who had once managed Gracie Fields in her disastrous Native Girl Meat Circus Tour of Crosby. In the long hours spent together in their cell Tommy regaled his tales on the road to Damian. The music, the glamour, the girls, the banjo aerial dynamics, the good times and the inevitable mutilations. Damian was an avid and fascinated listener. In his autobiography ³They All Deserved It² Tommy Spiders relates his time spent DEFCON


Country and Western - that was Hitler s fault. This is the tale of a man who created pop music and the terrible price he had to pay for it with Damian: ³...there Dam sat, all snotty limbed and umbilical chorded, sentenced to a five stretch and his skull hadn¹t even fused yet. I became his guru, his keeper. I showed him the ropes and how to knot them. I had the knowledge, he was a quick learner, I had the nouse, he had potential, I had a hairy back, he didn¹t. Once he learned from me what to do when he got out, there was no looking back. Hairy or not.² After fifteen years Damian was released for good behaviour (mainly to a starling he called Mr Pigtease whom he would bed with on winter nights. The night before his release he celebrated with Tommy Spiders and Mr Pigtease with a final meal of porridge, potatoes and Mr Pigtease). On his release Damian set up his first band, The Henerty Contingent, comprising of himself on guitar. However it was short lived as Damian could not agree with his choice of music, he fired himself, hired himself but ended up leaving himself in an acrimonious split. Damian knew that the guitar was not going to make him a star. But then he had an idea. Quoting from fifties teen magazine Hep Cat Journal, Damian takes up the story in one of his rare interviews. The translations to Damian¹s patter have been added by the Hep Cat editor:

³Guitar man, that mania pod was blown out of the billyhoo. (I rejected the idea of guitar playing). That down daddy just weren¹t hooking into the Champagne Shirleys. (The girls didn¹t like it). Then the light show vision came like Gabriel¹s solid shake on the vibe, man. (I had an idea). The oboe. (The oboe). That¹s the future man. Came natural. Holds the chick tight like a golden boa constrictor and blows sweaty melodics on the quiver fish tight distinction! (Hurrah!). Man! (Stupendous!). Man! (Exquisite!). Man! (Calling to a man that has just passed him). Now armed with the oboe, Damian set up his second band, The Octo Oboe Jive Corporation, comprising of himself and eight oboes encircled about him, which he would play simultaneously with as many orifices as gravity would allow. He became the darling of Liverpool¹s underground jazz revival, playing to sell out crowds in The Junction Box, Edge Hill and The Public Toilet, Aigburth. But it was the sales of multi platinum plated long player, ³Anus Horribilus Honky Tonk² that gave Damian his first financial success. With this newly found wealth he opened the Scarlet Rooms night club on Broadway, Speke. Here many

LOCAL SHIT stars of tomorrow made their debuts. Just one look at the line up on 3rd February 1938 shows the calibre of the Scarlet Room¹s entertainment: 6.30pm Dan Tante - Magician and Medium 7.00pm The Throbber - Speciality Act 8.00pm St James„ Bearded Children„s Choir - Choral works 8.05pm The Throbber - One for the ladies 9.00pm Rudolph Hess Knockabout Comedy 10.00pm Arthur Askey and Ted Ray - Forbidden Love (Revue) 10.30pm Red White and Blues Band - Xenophobic sing songs 11.00pm Lights O Damian was on the crest of a wave. And greater success was just around the corner. But with success came heartbreak, death and sadness. Damian could never have imagined what lay in store for him...

Read the concluding part of the life of Damian Henerty in the next issue. His fame, his marriage to Billy Fury, the addiction to The Real Thing¹s under-

wear, the illegal sheep wrangling with Echo and The Bunnymen, his downfall when he tried to napalm Ken Dodd and his tragic suicide, alone in a septic tank in Croxteth. Oh, I¹ve just told you the

Scientist American scientists today believe that there are types of soil with many of the same physical properties as small children. "We have no way of proving this, and we do not intend to try," said one of them. "It should be obvious." An application has been put forward to experiment on GM products using a six year old boy called Kevin.

SCIENTI Scientists today revealed that there is no evidence of dinosaurs becoming extinct. "Although we have no evidence of them still being around we also have no evidence of them having died out," a leading scientist told a stunned audience. "A few dinosaur bones is no evidence of complete extinction. Where are the mass graves?" Many scientists now believe that they have in fact evolved into ethereal creatures

of the netherworld. "They have existed in dimensions that we have not been able to reach with our relatively primitive technology. However, I now believe that many people are communicating with dinosaurs over the internet without actually realising. They often can be mistaken for over zealous fans of Manga cartoons." Scientists are now worried that technology

is catching up with the beasts and this may soon result in them reconstituting themselves. Whether mankind is ready to establish a relationship with these long forgotten beings is something many scientists including the one we spoke to, are sceptical about. "Oh my god, they're going to eat us all" he declared.




reviews!? C O L D P L AY @ WATERSTO N E S A low key appearance for the lads from Widnes. Many people turned up expecting a book signing, but plans were quickly changed when the band realised that Waterstones did not stock their autobiographical novel, "Turning Yellow and Other Tales." Not being able to fully utilise their impressive light show. Coldplay decided to cover themselves in fluorescent paint, only to be told that the flammable material meant that all electrical appliances had to be removed from the stage. A crowd of fifty thousand had gathered in the bookstore by the time the bright orange band came on carrying buckets. They then banged the buckets for fifty three minutes exactly, while the crowd gradually left. "I thought it was The Stereophonics" commented one punter who had travelled from Quebec. Despite this it was a solid performance from the Welsh wizards and should see their reputation as a really worthwhile band totally cemented.

GEMINI @THE BREWERY An unusual gig to say the least. Gemini bounced on stage to a hyped up Sunday night crowd, most of whom were still in the courtyard, but there was a real sense of defiance in their act. Playing with three drummers for the first time Gemini rattled off a slightly manic version of their Euro favourite, "Gotta get Off (that feeling then that bus)". The twelve or so people who had now flocked in to watch them were easily won round, but their enthusiasm soon diminished when the cheeky blondes dedicated the song to Fascist French Politician Le Penn. A table was cheerfully thrown at the band who hurriedly chanted a version of Anita Dobson's "Anyone can fall in love", before running off stage and out of the pub. Although deservedly hospitalised, the band seem to have thrown off the disappointments of last year and are cementing their reputation as a fine cabaret act.

DIDO @ THE GRAFTO N On her visit to Liverpool the bland blonde chanteuse adventurously chose to play to a select audience in The Grafton. The fifteen pound entrance fee included free drinks all night and by the time support act The Bandits had finished the audience were bordering on hostile. Dido came onstage to a rousing reception, and soon settled into her stride with a tellingly nondescript version of her massive hit: "I Won't Let you In (My head and my pants)". As a mark of respect a large section of the audience started humming mindlessly. Inspired by this Dido chose to mumble quietly to herself for sixteen minutes, while the band watched a repeat of the gripping 1997 third test draw between New Zealand and Zimbabwe. New Zealand although in serious danger of losing on the third day rallying steadily for the rest of the match. After a two hour interval, during which many audience members stripped naked and set fire to themselves, Dido started confidently with a version of "The Postie's back (looks just like his front)". Most of the audience were now angry having recognised this as being the DEFCON


same song as before but with Dido making clicking noises with her tongue. Then the silicone chip inside her head switched to overload and Dido appeared to get very angry herself and started shouting, "I am the Devil. I have brought banality as brimstone and mediocrity as fire." The audience looked on in stunned silence as she sliced open both veins with a dagger left over from The Bandits set and rolled on the floor while the band attempted to start up a version of "If my life was your dick (I wouldn't go down on it)". Although a surprise, Dido's death was a timely reminder of her qualities and should see her cement her reputation in Liverpool as a low key diva. Local band The Bandits also added favourably to the night.

TO P FILMS OF 2004 Girl With A Pearl Necklace (18) Sexually explicit biopic of Dutch artist Vermeer. After emptying his balls over the upturned face of Scarlett Johansson's enigmatically portrayed scullery maid for the umpteenth time, Colin Firth (as the artist) experiences a deep and painful existential self-loathing. Unable to seek solace in Absinthe as it hasn't been invented yet, the increasingly pale and pasty Dutch Dauber resorts to chopping a bit off his ear and nibbling on it distractedly. Challenging. Strewth! Christ On a Bike Mate! (12) In his debutant role as director, Aussie bad-film-monger Mel Gibson gets into beating, whipping and disembowelling the living shit out of some actor playing Christ. With the Jewish population played by an ensemble of Arabs dressed as eighteenth century English army captains, Mel Gibson gets to sound off about what really gets his goat through the guise of a religious message. (In Australian with Aramaic subtitles). Bad Boys 3 (18). In this barnstorming sequel, Will Smith and the one no one can remember the name of get down to some really filthy 'buddy/buddy' antics featuring a king-sized tub of vaseline, a broom handle and three litres of Sunny Delight. One for the kiddies.

The Centre for Arts Development "Making the Arts Work!" WE PROVIDE CONTINUOUS PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT SERVICES FOR THE ARTS AND CREATIVE INDUSTRIES ON MERSEYSIDE WE RUN THREE UNIQUE & FREE PROGRAMMES WHICH ENABLE ARTISTS/ARTS WORKERS/CREATIVES TO START UP BUSINESSES, DEVELOP THEIR CAREERS, AND STAY IN THE REGION. C.A.D - THE ONLY CENTRE OF ITS KIND IN THE UK. VAMP (Vocational Arts Management Programme) provides an NVQ Level 3 in Business Start-up, delivered in the context of the arts and creative industries sector. STARTS JUNE. CIS (Cultral Industries Support) provides NVQ level 3 to women currently unemployed/working wanting to develop a career in the Creative Arts, Culture and Tourism/Leisure industries in a customer focused role. STARTS JUNE. CAMP (Community Arts Management Programme) is our most innovative programme, delivering the first NVQ Level 4 in Management customised for the aspiring Community Arts Manager STARTS OCTOBER. EACH COURSE INCLUDES ECDL , SPECIALIST ADVICE GUIDANCE AND GREAT NETWORKING OPPORTUNITIES WITH EACH PROGRAMME INCLUDING CHILDCARE AND TRAVEL EXPENSES FUNDED by ESF, Liverpool City Council, Knowsley Borough Council, Arts Council of England, Northwest , CAD has an active commitment to Equal

Opportunities and a city centre site which is easily accessible for all. Please call us, on 0151-707-1404, e-mail to info@cadt.org.uk, AND visit our newly designed website, www.cadt.co.uk

We are proud to be a part of the Creative Industries renaissance in the North-West, & delighted to be involved in the plans for Liverpool's reign as European Capital of Culture in 2008. CADT, 2a Franceys Street, off Brownlow Hill, L3 5YQ


















Profile for Defnet Media

DEFCON - Antifestival edition  

June/ July 2004

DEFCON - Antifestival edition  

June/ July 2004