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Khadeeja Zaman April 2008 Lahore

My poems interplay refined human emotions and intense sensitivity that I have felt and seen in my small little world. They seem like a solace from the life we are stuck in today. They deal with naïve and juvenile experiences we all have faced in life. But there is a sense of depth and you will find beauty in the way they are portrayed. The minute details mentioned in the verses will precisely take you off from reality and you will fly to the most peaceful spot on the globe. The words will touch your heart; arouse an inner sensation, a spark. It will lift your mood and you will feel a delightful wave that will sweep beneath your feet. The amount of feeling in the poems will charge your emotions as well. Everyone experiences day-to-day feelings but we are too busy and over-burdened in today’s fast-paced life. The verses will in fact bring you closer to nature – the ultimate solace. It’s like life is a road with ups and downs on which we are all making our way, but we usually fail to appreciate things we should be thankful for. While reading these verses it will be like stopping to smell the roses. So take a break and enjoy the flow of the musical verses!

PREFACE


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Acknowledgements

Dedication

Dark Night

Rain, Rain, Rain!

Cosmosical

The Aromatic Music

Remembrance

Dedicated to December

Memories of you turn into diamonds

Land-o’-dreams

Forgotten, not yet forgotten

And I look on…

Glimpse of you

Smile, an everlasting smile

Farewell Michael

On your return

Impossible Wants

I feel you, I miss you

If I scream out loud…

I, the old babbler of Peking

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Title

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

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From Your True Lover

Dreams

Life goes on and sorrow prevails

Lost Past

Where the sun sets

My only source of bliss

Deep Into My Memory

Nothing Left to Lose After Losing You

You – A Part of My Childhood Memories

Gain After Losses

Goodbye December

Murder of innocence

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And thanks to you too… for taking out time and picking up this juvenile book… I value your time.

Last but the greatest thankfulness is to Allah for showering His bounties upon me one after the other; one of which are these thoughts captured in words… on the forthcoming pages.

A thankful wish to my sister for always being the first one with whom I’d share my verses. And a big thank you to my elder cousin who was and is always there to facilitate me and make wonders by placing her great ideas into the situation. They have encouraged me to go on with my burning passion.

I would like to pay my sincere gratitude to both my parents. They put in all they could do get me through this, and also their persistence which kept me going.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To the ones whose thoughts make my hours happy; and whose presence makes me feel blessed!

DEDICATION


Come, come, dark night Whisper in my ear sweet dreams Make the sun disappear from my sight Make them vanish, the sun beams Come, come, dark night The world awaits your arrival!

Come, come, dark night Let cold wind blow Make strong its might Strengthen the stars’ glow

Come, come, dark night Spread your starry wings Hide behind the clouds, moonlight Sink in restful peace, everything

DARK NIGHT

30 Jun 2006

Have you ever seen the clouds darkening? How heavy they weigh How dark they look Hasn’t the ear-splitting roar of thunder, deafened you? Aren’t you ever soaked to the skin, When the heavens open? How majestic rain is How gentle it is ‘tis the sweet music of the seven skies The heavenly water! down it comes dancing in the air down it runs through vales and caverns splashing o’er the ground Haven’t you seen the daisies, Swaying under the sun? after the rain has fallen My heart fills with joy and the music of the rain Stays in my mind till the next rain…

RAIN, RAIN, RAIN

21 Jul 2006


1

This expression refers to the stars at night.

2 Dec 2006

As I rest’d my head on the cold windowsill that winter night, the mist hung among the trees Every little thing seem’d frozen and utterly still The moon look’d so blur, behind the grey clouds Not one star was out yet, in the night sky “Who’ll guide the ships’ way in the faraway sea?” I wondered Loneliness that night, was the only companion of the moon How it sneak’d itself away from the smoky clouds O’ the sighing moon, how she miss’d her fellows She badly wish’d to share the growing darkness and see the waves rocking on the foamless seas and hear the gentle thunder which man on earth can never hear… the moon shall wait to share the beauty with the hanging candles of the sky1 O’ now the clouds have, so peacefully rock’d the moon to pacific sleep She would not wake up until the envious sun shall crawl up the blue mountain and the strong, warm sunlight shall take away the moons’ delight!

COSMOSICAL

2

From ‘Solitary Reaper’ by Wordsworth

All the time I wish

REMEMBRANCE

O’ the aroma that fills my heart tonight It’ll cause me to lose my mind It’s so strong, so mesmerizing Even a dozen barrels can’t hold it Then how can my heart? O’ where is its origin? It’s making me follow it blindly Where’ll it lead me? To unending blissful gardens? O’ which I’ve often dreamt about As I sink into my bed o’ linen It now gradually drifts into musical notes O’ this music that fills my dreams tonight It won't let me hear the loudest noise It’ll spill out and spread And reach the farthest land O’ it’ll flow like the majestic river Gurgling all the way down Carrying the much heavy load of melancholy The crescendo is so loud, so absorbing Reverberating through my mind, my senses O these long-lost melodies o’ autumn They’ve engraved a deep print on the pages of my memory and the reflections’ll haunt me as they had immense staying power like shipwrecks on the sea bed and “the music in my heart I bore long after it was heard no more” 2

THE AROMATIC MUSIC

15 Nov 2006


January can never be colder than my dear December… February can never be more flowery than my darling December… March can never be more aromatic than my dazzling December…

DEDICATED TO DECEMBER

I could turn back time Through the honey-comb holes I’ve seen many a beautiful thing But the savage sunshine And the wild rain I’m afraid, will erase Part of my reflections And I’d be left with nothing But tears to shed So let me preserve The precious moments of yesterday Let me press the roses of today Which are fresh To cherish their essence when autumn befalls, or else when they’re wrapped in snow I fear the time I’ll forget what I remember today And what happened yesterday So my only asset is what is preserved Not on the sand, but on the stone I hear distant footstep Soft on the long grass Tell me it’s the gardener Who planted ‘those’ roses Which I cannot forget Nor can I remember So let me preserve what I know today… 12 Dec 2006

27 Dec 2006

The toiling bell echoes by And I am reminded Of the sunny days when You were there

The kite goes fluttering by It brings back the memories Of the majestic days when You were around

MEMORIES OF YOU TURN INTO DIAMONDS

April can never be more romantic than my dewy December… May can never be sunnier than my drastic December… June can never be more relaxing than my dreamy December… July can never be more exciting than my dashing December… August can never be rainier than my drizzling December… September can never be more celebrating than my dramatic December… October can never be more nostalgic than my dearest December… November can never be more nostalgic than my December… And none can ever beat DECEMBER!


In the midst of sunlit rivers With wine leaves hanging down

At the foothills lies the lake Reddening as the evening sun drowns Listen to me for Heaven’s sake

See the black mountains high with white snow they are crowned And the fleeing clouds pass by

I’m off to the ‘land-o-dreams’ which is far from your home town Oh I’ll follow the fast flowing streams

LAND-O’-DREAMS

Diamonds shall end up in an ocean of tears…

Maybe when I call you You cant hear me Or maybe you’ve Forgotten my voice

And when I think Of the buried past It does snake diamonds Slide down my cheeks

The hawk glides by Empowering me with the thoughts Of the blissful days when You were present

22 Jan 2007

Faraway in the distance I can see the daisies dance Swaying in the cool breeze Under the chestnut trees The yellow sun is so gay Shining over the shimmering bay Lotus leaves floating on the lake The frogs on them gently shake Above the hills, the hawks haunt by Over the mountains so high But when the wind growls So fiercely it howls The lovely daisies, the trees green After the storm are not to be seen The charm of the awe-inspiring vale Is drowned away with the gale Oh, the starlings have come from miles away

FORGOTTEN, NOT YET FORGOTTEN

THIS IS MY LAND-O’-DREAMS

No human, no living being in sight You see Nature all around playing its part with all its might

Beyond the mist are the trees not a single leaf is on the ground Nothing affects them, not even the breeze

Along the glittering corns there elevates An old scarecrow in a ragged gown meant to keep away the absent nightingales

Far in the distance are the hills Surrounding the corn fields, golden brown over them is the mighty windmill

The freezing waters give me the shivers

20 Nov 2006


The evening has fallen The stars have brightened The only path I walk on is lined with newly arrived hawthorn How peaceful they look today rocking in the wind, so gay! I don’t remember when I saw them last I shall ask the gardener, if I must The smell fills me with joy What a sweet fragrance, oh boy! The flowers pink and white Remind me of delicious strawberry delight These beauties I think should be left alone And I must make my way home…

AND I LOOK ON…

On hearing of the glorious quay But the vale is now unadorned And not even night-owls want it to be owned… 9 Feb 2007

I’ve tried so hard to get a glimpse of you… have been watching through the mist to get a glimpse of you… have been skimming through the crowd to get a glimpse of you… have been searching through the glass windows to get a glimpse of you… have been scanning through the pictures to get a glimpse of you… have been wandering through the woods to get a glimpse of sunshine… have been looking all around to get a glimpse of hope…

GLIMPSE OF YOU

27 Oct 2006


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your everlasting smile

So smile, an everlasting smile!

Your smile, an everlasting smile is all to take my heart away and bring it just your way the beauty of the vale of the ships that sail can make you smile

So smile, an everlasting smile All the love you show is enough to hold the sun’s glow the morning of spring3 will along itself bring the dew drops that sing the flying birds that hymn

As long as you are there the beauty is everywhere The dawn you and I share the dusk that keeps us near Your smile for me is a treasure to give me enough pleasure; which can last till next January but still its not temporary

SMILE, AN EVERLASTING SMILE

4 Jan 2007

It’s been morning ever since The sun rose up long ago And gently kissed the stones Along the narrow winding road The little girls frolicking around Just beyond the fish pond How playful they are! Nothing much is heard except The slow-flowing stream Making its way through some overgrown bushes At the corner of the road Is seen an ancient wooden hut The broken door is flung open Inside is a wooden-floored lounge On the left is a small kitchen Adjacent to it are two rooms everything is neat and comfortable The lounge is dimly it up by a flickering oil lamp an old lady is seen from behind curtains hanging in the entrance of the balcony slowly and heavily she sinks into a sofa a young man named Michael is standing by a low table He’s a soldier in the Royal Army Wartime is approaching All the soldiers are to leave Their homeland, the town of Rockland Michael is just one of them His old Mother leans over “Dear son, fight for your right, never lose hope and have faith

FAREWELL MICHAEL


with this she kisses him goodbye His wife cries out, through tears, “I shall miss you terribly”, He reaches for his sword, A useless old one it is but too precious for the women He gives it to them as a thing to cherish while he is away He puts on his hat pulls his coat tightly around himself and with one last look, at his dear wife and poor mother disappears into darkness…

in yourself”,

20 Jul 2006

IMPOSSIBLE WANTS

Oh! Stay here longer As longer as you can My fondness will grow stronger As stronger as it can

It’s none other than mine… Seeing you is blissful Talking to you is more than fine Hearing you is musical

Which words can say Which eyes can weep Which hands can pray While you deeply sleep

Now that you have returned The pleasure has grown All my cries are burnt and faraway they are thrown

While you were away I missed you horribly I cried almost everyday But my tears were temporary

ON YOUR RETURN

24 Jul 2006


Though I have the world around But still I feel lonely What is it that I miss most? Is it you? ‘Every single day

I FEEL YOU, I MISS YOU

I want to travel to places yet unknown…

I want to measure the depth of oceans I want to cover the stretched land between the mountains

To the hills and mountains No one has ever known before To the rivers and valleys No one has ever heard of before

Where the sun shines Like it has never shone before Where the trees grow Like they have never grown before

To the places I’ve never walked upon To the land I’ve never seen before I want to turn my way there

10 Oct 2006

If I scream out loud Will you hear me, above the noisy crowd? The wind still blows Over your deserted dwelling The window curtains do flutter The little children do play about As if it were an old Yet majestic castle

IF I SCREAM OUT LOUD…

Every time I pray Every step I take Every breath I make I’ll be missing you’ ‘History repeats itself’ and that ‘Every cloud has a silver lining’ why can’t the history of our love repeat? You can’t imagine But I feel you around me so much In the gleaming silver moon, I see your enlightening face In the flickering pearly stars, I see your twinkling eyes In the warmth of the morning sun, I feel the joy of your company… Now you’d wonder… Then why do I miss you??? 12 Feb 2007


When I enrolled into college Went in winters, on a sledge As all was covered in white ice

When I first went to school I accidentally drowned in a pool Wondering how I’m still alive? Someone saved me in a dive

When I was young Daily, seven rhymes I sung They had meaning none Just like this one

I, THE OLD BABBLER OF PEKING

Belonging to an ancient king… It’s simple and ruined Yet it attracts many a human eye The sweet birds Sing welcoming notes To wish you a new day but they cant think you no longer dwell here If I scream out loud will they understand me above the sunny skies? 22 Sep 2006

4

This refers to a knife which is easily available.

The meadow is filled with grass Just as the sky is dotted with stars… The meadow is dotted with flowers Just as the sky is filled with clouds… I lean by my window… Lost in the meadow, under the sky; with silence and solitude my only comrades now left Oh People! You’ve killed me almost! But surely these frequent poisons Are worse than just one direct murder Though brutal the latter But still its better Take a sharp blade of grass4 or a butter-knife dipped in honey5

MURDER OF INNOCENCE

All you hear from me is babbling, which echoes all around Peking!

When I taught in University I forgot all the roads of the city Now that I am so old Equal to the first coin of gold

You couldn’t even play with mice

17 Feb 2007


5

This is symbolic. Means murder me in disguise of peace.

In December I saw true beauty Which no other month could ever show Total bliss and utter awe surrounded my then known world The mountains in the north stand high, wearing snow gowns The sun is cold and blurred No birds chant in trees Yet eagles haunt in skies The blue sheet which is spread over our heads and around and clouds which seem to be thin strands of white hair They bring such joy which overpowers me and the rain which descend on me flowing beneath the hovering clouds Oh it’s marvellous, its wonderful It’ll never be forgotten only remembered… ‘cause this is DECEMBER!

GOODBYE DECEMBER

and slash it around my neck and that’d be the end of a me and therefore all miseries. It’s miserable to see misery. Isn’t it? So cease my existence tonight as I lay to sleep in this very meadow under the cloudless, starry sky… 22 Mar 2007

How sweet, how pure the air is tonight I feel so anew and refreshed My life is spirited with abundant delight All seems bright and truly blessed It’s hard to believe all this is true! I’ll take some time and convince myself At last I’ve found someone as lovely as you Now make a promise to me yourself Never forget this day of your life Don’t leave me when the days turn bad I’ll be by you till the day I’m alive Tomorrow we will cherish the good times we had May the thought of you always make me smile Let’s walk hand in hand for the next mile…

GAIN AFTER LOSSES

31 Dec 2006


Of all the things that bring sweet thoughts You are the one whom I never forgot Nor I can ever really do ‘cause you gave me happiness, and joy too So no matter where I go or what I think Whether it has a connection or a link My thoughts keep wandering to you Where I can find you or where you are I have not the faintest clue All I know is, from me you are far…

YOU-A PART OF MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

Memories mean a lot to me, of yours only, Precious they are, more than pearls O’ the wind grips me again so strongly And thoughts of you come and go in swirls

Tell me; o’ tell me where did you go? Often I see you in my virtual dreams But when will I see you in reality though? O’ those beautiful days, long gone they seem

I lack the power I need to live Because you were the strength within me The love and everything else I could give Is all as deep and pure, as the waters of the sea

NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE AFTER LOSING YOU


Breaking the silence of the seas My sighs and moans will be heard Ending the dryness of the desert My flowing tears will flood the world

With time you may forget me but I’ll never forget you soon you may not remember me but I’ll always remember you

Time is sweeping by But I will never forget you Other thoughts are rising high But I will always remember you

For you I keep praying and I will never forget you Through this I’m conveying that I’ll always remember you

Days will pass on to years and I will never forget you I don’t care who hears But I’ll always remember you

DEEP INTO MY MEMORY

“LOST PAST”

And these mere verses I dedicate to you And these tears of sworn passion too

I suffer in silence, yet to be broken All my childhood dreams are shaken

Neither pleasure nor bliss nor glee Has ever come anywhere near me

Since you have left and gone All of my world is completely torn

What is left on this earth? No happiness, no joy, no mirth

MY ONLY SOURCE OF BLISS


Leaves grow… Sun shines… Winds blow…

LIFE GOES ON AND SORROW PREVAILS

Return me my joy Give me back my life The gone times I cherished The past memories I remember Take me back into past Let me refresh my memories The roads I travelled The places I walked in Return me my pleasure Give me back my life The moments of bliss The times of sorrow Take me back into past Let me refresh my memories Let the sun rise once again Let the time sleep once again…

Dreams, are so cherished

Dreams, like birds know no limits they keep soaring high never worrying how far they go from the green ground

DREAMS

Life is going on as it was a hundred years ago… But my soul is restless I’m incomplete without you… My heart is broken into a trillion pieces Nothing can soothe it now… My weeping eyes will soon go blind… Time is cruel yet the best healer… But as months pass on to years… the sorrow is doubled The pain goes deeper… into my body and soul Nothing can stop my mind from thinking of you… I fear death will take me without seeing you again… I feel you close by Yet you are so far… This life is painful Even more than death… Memories of you come in my dreams I wake up startled… Is there any way I can come to you? Tell me tonight… Whisper in my dreams… 5 Jul 2007


I wonder why I wanna cry Who can make me believe Why did you leave? You were my pleasure My forever treasure I can’t believe that it’s true I’ll always be missing you Let me tell you the secret You are just misled I’m not what you think

FROM YOUR TRUE LOVER

Dreaming about Dreams

Dreams, though out of reach yet are so captivating and engaging one can spend hours in the world of fantasy

Dreams, are seldom caught but float free and loose and all the observer can do is to be lost in their grandeur and long to catch them…

‘cause they never become reality they stay above the truth reaching new attained heights flaunting and touching the blue skies

5 Oct 2007

13 Jun 2007

On 8th May 2007 she participated in All Pakistan Mumtaz Hassan Intercollegiate Poetry Recitation Competition held at KEMU. In the Original Poems Category, she won the 2nd prize.

Her first version of poetry appeared in December 2006 under the title “Pearls on the Shore”.

Presently she is an O’ level student at Alma. Her choice of subjects is of the humanities group.

She joined The Lahore Alma in 2003 and throughout remained an outstanding student academically and otherwise.

Born in December 1991, Khadeeja acquired her early education, i.e. till primary from Defence Public School.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I loved you… Truly, deeply, madly, Wildly and passionately And I still do…


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As a pastime she has been a regular contributor of stories, poems and art work in DAWN Young World.

For the current academic year she is the Assistant Editor of the English Section of her school magazine.

Reflections of my Thoughts  

Anthology of poems. Copyright © 2012 | Khadeeja Zaman

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