Page 22

Journal of a chronic werewolf By Queenie Thayer

Some people have a charmed life. I do not. I have a semi-charmed kind of life. When the universe decides to bestow gifts upon me, they usually come wrapped in barbed wire and have “DO NOT ENTER” signs all over them. I don't trust cookies from the universe. So when I decided two years ago that I was going to make a movie, I thought I had all the time in the world—all the "spoons" in the world, as we call it in the chronic pain community.

metaphors I have ever loved, horror metaphors. I adore horror. I love other things too, but horror is my one true love. I have been wooing her since I was a child, trying desperately to be her muse. Horror is my lover. It's why I want to make creepy bones, write fiction, magazine articles, etc., and it’s why I adore filmmaking. All the wonderful, complicated bits in filmmaking keep me endlessly curious. It's given me a new perspective when I do movie reviews. I am a lot kinder now than when I first started blogging. I just thought I had time to do it all, that I could be and do anything, that the sky was the limit like they tell you in all that self-help crap. But I have found that the sky has a ceiling folks, and if you hit that ceiling, it will attempt to destroy you.

I never have enough spoons anymore, but I have dreams still. I want to do things, to make things. I was compelled to express what was going on inside of me with the only


I have hit it quite a few times in the last while, and it is because my chronic pain is getting worse. I have acute, chronic pain. If I didn't have to spend so much money on prescriptions and doctor visits, I'd probably have funded the film on my own already. Hell, if I didn't have to struggle to live in a whole

new country—in America with my husband instead of Canada where I am from—I would have made several movies by now. My short little film is called Red Handed. It's an exploration of what it means to be a monster displayed through the lens of traditional fairy tales. Red Handed is a short film that takes the traditional fairy tale of Red Riding Hood and turns it on its head. A young girl watches as a woman is being torn to pieces by a werewolf. When the wolf notices her, the two share a moment that reveals things are more than what they seem. It's a very personal story for me, and all the characters in it, you could say, are parts of me. The film is currently in preproduction and has been for a while, two years in fact. With my financial issues and health issues, it's had to be pushed to the back burner of my life. I fear asking for help—it's one of my biggest fears. My life isn't simple. It never has been. I have both chronic pain and chronic mental illness. I have fibromyalgia, Raynaud's syndrome, posttraumatic stress disorder, bipolar and multiple personality disorder. Yeah, MPD is still a thing, and it's a

Issue 7 web  

Celebrate some of the most talented women in horror who have helped pave the way for females in horror today. Featuring interviews with Elvi...