WanderBoss Travel Guide

WanderBoss thailand

WanderBoss is an essential guide for young women who crave a life of wander. We are real life. We do it to provide honest and inspiring travel stories and information with no hidden agenda, just personal experience.

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Travelling - it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a story teller.

Ibn Battuta

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ko samui

bangkok

intro

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05

04

tips tips & more tips

ko phangan

ko tao

Greetings fellow wanderers.

Ok, so you’ve finally stopped discussing/dreaming about spending your summer or gap-year travelling around Thailand. Instead you’ve emptied your piggy bank, thanked the Lord for student loans (or asked mum and dad), booked a flight and now you’re ready to turn those morning thoughts and drunken talks into a reality.

Wonderful, you’re halfway there!

If this isn’t the case and you’re still in the position of deciding where to go, what to do, over-analysing everything and doubting if travelling is for you or just trying to pluck up the courage, then you, my friend, are also in the right place!

Volume 1 aims to show you Thailand in all its glory. I am going to take you on a whirlwind tour, sharing with you real experiences, tried and tested recommendations, tips and warnings. I will be your confidant and advisor, to prepare you every step of the way for your unforgettable journey.

You can thank me later…

**

TIP

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RECOMMENDATION

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WARNING

01. intro

Gazing into the sea, I beamed as the white foam swirled through the crystal clear water, wetting the crisp white sand as it passed through. I was thirsty to discover the ‘Land of Smiles’, stimulate my taste buds with spicy hot curries and meet intriguing like-minded characters. Cracking open the seal of Thailand’s finest and cheapest beer, I took a hefty gulp from my sub zero can of Chang and eased myself back to lay on my roomy chocolate brown and caramel gold, fringed blanket. Closing my eyes, I rested in deep serenity as the sultry sun sizzled on my lightly bronzed skin. “AH, PARADISE!”

INTRO / PAGE 11

01 Before arriving on the Thai islands, I had scanned though travelling snaps on Instagram and Facebook in awe, creating a mental picture of the first-class beaches where I would be spending the first leg of my lengthy summer voyage. But, no photographs could justify the mesmerizing view of Chewang Beach, Ko Samui. Gasping in the humid air, I was high on life and instantly I dismissed from my mind the significant stress of university, along with the wet and dreary UK weather.

Lost in my thoughts, I realised that my boyfriend had been swimming in the sea for what felt like a lifetime, I sat back up on my blanket and scanned the waters. I spotted him floating and in conversation with a pale-skinned lanky slender female. Whew, he hasn’t drowned. Laughing to myself, “he must be shrivelled like a prune he’s been in there for so long!” I lay back down. No, I didn’t feel jealous that my attractive, tanned and tattooed boyfriend was speaking to another woman; I trusted him. I was safe and content in my relationship. (She looked like a basic bitch anyway; I had nothing to worry about!) And anyway, “this is what travelling is all about, meeting new people and making friends”, I thought. He soon returned to join me, “I feel drained, I could not get away from that Aussie girl, she was a complete nutter.” She shared with him her life story in a nutshell, from her depressing upbringing and her insane mother to her Thai lover who robbed her and bled dry her credit card. She cried to Liam about her money dilemmas, being too broke to afford a flight back to Australia and her current living situation, where she now lives for free… in the mountains… in a temple… with Buddhas’. WOW! **You will meet crazy people on your travels with insane stories, embrace them or run a mile (depending on their nuttiness).

I guessed her trip did not go to plan or have the best ending. Shit happens! Well, frankly, not in my case. Plans in my life usually run smoothly. And my plan for this summer was going to be exactly the same. So far everything was awesome and definitely like I had envisioned (except for a few mishaps in Bangkok) but I mean, what else could possibly go wrong? Travelling around an unfamiliar country with the love of my life can only induce adventure, fascination and thrills.

Well, so I thought…

INTRO / PAGE 12

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02.

BANGKOK

At 33,000 feet, being a frequent flyer, I had never experienced such nerving turbulence. I was obsessively counting down the kilometers.

Thank God for the complimentary wine you get when flying with Emirates. Finally, it was touchdown. Feeling buzzed with eyes champagne bright, we had arrived.

Travelling to Bangkok, I had no expectations. Most people I spoke to before arriving in the city said that it’s very much like Marmite…

You will either hate it or love it. The city is known for its chaotic streets, hair-raising rooftop bars, street food with a touch and go reputation and never ending traffic. Anything goes and I couldn’t wait to explore this unusual but wonderful city…

BANGKOK / PAGE 15

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Arriving at our luxurious, modernly designed, clean and minimal apartment, I mentally high-fived myself “**AirBnB – good choice!”

But due to the clammy taxi ride, all I wanted to do was dump down my things, get into my Primani bikini and take myself to the rooftop to check out the infinity pool. And to of course, take my first mandatory travelling photo overlooking the city, to inform my Facebook friends that “I HAVE ARRIVED!!!” **When you are 50 stories high in an overcast city, brace yourself, the water will be fucking freezing!

Strolling through worn out, narrow and energetic streets I was already fascinated by Thai culture. My eyes were dazzling bright taking in my new surroundings. The streets felt like one large market. My tummy was rumbling at the sight of tattered but eye-catching roadside food stalls, where locals made a living from selling natural coconut water fresh from the shell, barbecued smoky chicken and exotic bizarre-looking fruit and veg that I had never seen or stumbled upon back home. Sniffing the sweet and fragrant aromas, it was time for me to try my first authentic **massaman curry. My mouth and taste buds exploded with the heat from the chillies’. The spice was complimented with a creamy but spicy coconut sauce, crunchy cashew nuts and fluffy boiled potatoes.

“Mmmm, I could live on this flavour for the rest of my life!”

BANGKOK / PAGE 16

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Evening was approaching. We avoided the traffic by taking the Skytrain to Silom Road. **The Sky train is an excellent way to travel – efficient, inexpensive and offers a superb view of the city from up-high. Giddiness and curiosity ran through my veins as we roamed dark unfamiliar and dingy streets, en route to Patpong Road.

I was on my way to see my first (and soon to be my last) Ping Pong show. I had heard my fair share of shocking stories, consisting of razor-sharp glass being yanked out of ladies private parts, real life pigeons flapping out of no-go areas and balloons popping where balloons should not pop! As grim as it sounded, I told myself, its all part of the Bangkok experience.

A sociable Thai man approached us promoting one of the many, Ping Pong shows. We didn’t need enticing, “YES, we’ll have two tickets!”

“Let’s go my friends!” We followed him up a set of tall cramped steps and entered a darkened seedy so-called nightclub with a shifty atmosphere. He escorted us to the bar where we received our free drink. I already felt uncomfortable. Glancing at the girls on stage, they seemed lifeless and stiff like ironing boards. They were either underage, overweight (which is unseen in Thailand) or 40+ sporting visible caesarian section scars. My eyes physically hurt, along with my heart. It was tough to willingly watch this peculiar parade where unfortunate women made a living by lowering themselves to non-human and gut-retching activities, all at the expense of Western tourists ‘entertainment’. Loosening up and taking a seat, I spotted one of the dancer’s wandering in our direction and thereupon she surrounded me specifically. She began to massage my leg, begging me to buy her a drink. “Strange that she was targeting me instead of my boyfriend.” I thought.

Awkwardness, disgust and bad vibes took over my senses and uncommonly my mind seemed fuzzy after two sips of my whiskey and coke. Something just did not feel right! We mutually decided to leave.

“Well, that was a waste of money!” “And a lucky escape!” **I wouldn’t recommend the Ping Pong shows to anyone, but I suppose, each to his or her own. However, I do recommend Patpong Road for haggling cheap knock-off designer handbags. I’ll have two Mulberry and one Chanel, please.

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BANGKOK / PAGE 19

02 Stepping of the sky strain at Siam Square. I was in Bangkok’s modern Centre, filled with glitzy shopping malls and lit-up with effective advertising screens. Although I didn’t fly the whole way to Thailand to spend my time in air-conditioned malls, it gave me an insight to another side of Bangkok society. Strolling alongside the wide clean freeways, I couldn’t help but notice police everywhere, diverting and halting the congested traffic to let a fleet of blacked out Rolls Royce’s through high gold painted gates.

“What’s going on?” Speaking to a Thai tourist guide, I was soon to discover that the fuss was for the Princess of Thailand.

Thailand’s royal family is a kind of a BIG deal and worshipped all over the country. “My claim to fame, I have just witnessed the Thai Kate Middleton!” Funny enough, apparently back in the day, Thailand had taken inspiration from the British monarchy and then set out to create they’re own. “Interesting”, I thought. “You learn something new everyday.” **If you happen to go to the cinema during your Thai travels, be prepared to stand for a lengthy five minutes to honor the king’s anthem. This is compulsory and a sign of respect for the blue blood. **On the opposite side of the road to Siam Paragon shopping mall (on the corner of Rama I and a road leading to Siam Square) is a vendor that serves up delectable mango and sticky rice. This is one of my personal favourite Thai desserts. It can be enjoyed at any time just as a snack. The sticky rice is infused with sweetened coconut cream; the mango is fresh and juicy. Combined, it is more than delicious.

If you find this vendor, you will thank me. If not, be sure to look out for this dish in other places. **Tuk tuks are a fun way to get around the city, but they do not have set fares so make sure that you haggle! Whatever the driver says, half it and slightly work your way up until you’s come to an agreement. **If you decide to get around the city by taxi, only get into a taxi with a meter. Surprisingly, it will work out cheaper with a meter rather than the driver giving you a set price. If the taxi does not have a meter, simply decline and flag down another.

BANGKOK / PAGE 20

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“It’s this way!” “No it’s this way!” Voices in my head were screaming, “Why does he always think he’s right?” It was only day 2 of our travels and my boyfriend was already getting on my last nerve. We just could not seem to agree on anything and it was becoming draining, stressful and even making me contemplate our relationship! “This is going to be one looooong summer if this bickering doesn’t stop. This summer is going to either make or break us.” I thought.

Hopping onto the Chao River express boat, I couldn’t hide my excitement to spend my afternoon roaming around extravagant temples absorbing the Thai culture and it’s history. Skimming along the murky canal in a spacious wooden canoe I concentrated on my breathing to limit the strong sewer stench making its way up my nostrils. On the banks of the river stood miniscule terraced timbered and tinned huts - home to Thai locals. Shooting through these neighbourhoods was a real eye opener. It made me look back on my life. I had barely left the UK but I had already felt myself changing, I was starting to appreciate my advantaged life at home.

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BANGKOK / PAGE 23

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Walking towards The Grand Palace (in Thai: Phra Borom Maha Ratcha Wang) I admired the splendid exterior, intense burnt orange and polished gold roofs. The grounds were empty, aside from a middle-aged Thai man, who was sitting on a step reading a sizable newspaper. “Excuse me, could you please take a photograph?” I asked.

He bounced up and in perfect English, he struck up a conversation, “Hello, my friends, of course, where are you’s from?” We told him that we were spending our day visiting the temples and he asked us to show on our map which ones we were interested in seeing. He then explained that it was ‘National Buddha Day’ and the majority of the temples were closed. “Great, what an anti-climax!”

Trying to help us out, he made a note on our map of the temples, which were still opened. He then shared with us “because it’s ‘National Buddha Day’; all tuk-tuks are 10 bhat for the whole day, but only to the local’s knowledge. But because you’s are so nice, I will speak to a driver and get you’s the same deal.” “What a friendly man! Our day was nearly in ruins but now we’re getting a sightseeing tour in a tuk-tuk, driving around Bangkok for a whole entire day, all for 10 bhat, Get in!”

We were buzzing. We were two naïve travellers in a foreign city taking a local man up on a goodwill gesture. Never did it cross my mind that this could have been too good to be true…

BANGKOK / PAGE 24

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“Thailand Bitchezzzz” I shouted into my camera as I attached my go-pro to a selfie stick, sticking my arm out onto the road to capture the hustling streets as we sped along in a three-wheeled motorized tuk-tuk.

We arrived at our first temple. It was small, pokey and nothing spectacular. Another middle-aged Thai man, who again, spoke perfect English, seemed very friendly and who also spun the same ‘National Buddha Day’ spiel, greeted us outside. He invited us to join him inside. Five monks’ in neon orange robes and a local woman, who I presumed was a cleaner, were sat crossed legged, praying on a mahogany wooden platform facing a gleaming gold Buddha shrine. “Well, obviously, what else would they be doing on National Buddha Day?” I thought.

The man gave us a brief history lesson on Buddhism, blessed us with good luck and encouraged us to go to Thai Fashion House, which apparently did the most finest and cheapest tailored suits in the whole of Bangkok. Because my boyfriend was already interested in purchasing a tailored suit, we thought, “Fab! Another insider’s tip!” Before we knew it we were back in the tuk-tuk, beaming from ear to ear and on our way to the ‘legendary’ Thai Fashion House.

Looking back, we certainly made both men’s job a breeze!

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BANGKOK / PAGE 27

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Cruising along an off-beaten track, we arrived at the Thai Fashion House. It was nothing like the fabulous glam boutique I had expected. But, instead an isolated worn out shop, which was in need of a lick of paint. The shop workers stood outside gleefully to greet us and somehow, it seemed like they knew we were coming. “Now I know how Kim Kardashian feels when her and Kanye rock up at Balmain!” They brought us in and offered us an ice-cold beer on the house. “Ah, the life!” Inside the shop was cramped and cluttered with a diverse range of multi-coloured textiles and cloths.

After an hour or more of persuasion, pushiness and various fittings.

Liam had agreed to order a suit. The well-dressed skinny Indian man calculated a price, “15,000 bhat.” Trying out my negotiation skills I haggled, “7,000 bhat.” The man replied, “But, this is cashmere my friend (pointing at the suit), I cannot do!” Okay, I might have been naïve, but I’m not stupid! (looking back, that could be argued) “No way is that cashmere!”

At the time, I still hadn’t got my head around the whole bhat-GBP conversion rate, so I assumed that maybe I had haggled an unrealistic price. So I pitched higher, “13,000 bhat and you have yourself a deal!” The man’s face lit up. He reacted like he had just won the lottery and flew across the flimsy desk to shake my hand.

“Jeez he seems pleased”, I thought. The deal was done and we popped our travel card into the card machine and made arrangements to collect the suit on our travels back to Bangkok at the end of our trip.

Climbing back into the tuk tuk, the driver shouted, “Next stop Thai Jewellery Shop.” Checking the time, I noticed that the hours were swooping by and we were yet to stumble upon a bloody temple! “No, no, take us to see a temple.” “Temples are closed!” he shouted!

“Well, drop us at Chao River to catch the express boat, please.” The tuk-tuk man began to get frustrated and angry, “NO, JEWELLERY SHOP!” Then something clicked; could this be a set up?

BANGKOK / PAGE 28

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The driver demanded extra money from us (more than the bhat) if we did not agree to go to the jewellery shop. and ordered him to take us to the boat. When we jumped desired destination, we threw him 10 bhat and that was it. Let’s just say he was not happy!

arranged 10 We refused out at our the end of

Arriving back at our apartment, again, we both felt like something wasn’t right and we were already regretting purchasing the suit.

Liam decided to Google the Thai Fashion House. Various reviews flagged up on the search page “CON!!! Do not go here! You will not receive your suit, it is all lies.”

“WHAT?” Still being unfamiliar with the bhat-pound conversion rate, we Googled 13,000 bhat in pounds. “FUCK, we have just paid 300 quid for a non-existent suit!” For some idiotic reason at the time of the deal, I had thought, I haggled a good deal. “I’m getting a whole £200 pounds off!” I thought. But no, idiot, 200 baht does not equal £200… It’s in fact, only £4!

Panicking, we tried to ring the shop. Dead tone. The address was printed on the back of the business card so we agreed that we would take the receipt the following day and demand a refund. Glancing at the receipt, “NO REFUND!” SHIT! This led to more stress and me and my boyfriend blamed our stupidity on each other… Another argument, Surprise…

Meeting travellers along our journey, we soon found out that this is a popular con in Bangkok. We also found out that you should pay no more than £80 for a tailored suit in Thailand. It was amusing to hear because the travellers we spoke to were also spun the exact same story… At the Grand Temple… By the same man… About ‘National Buddha Day’. They too fell into the cloned trap and ended up at an offbeat suit, jewellery or excursion shop. Look’s like we weren’t the only fools! **If you do happen to hear the words ‘National Buddha Day’ or given mutual knowledge that the temples are closed, don’t fall for this bullshit. Walk around the corner of the Grand Temple and you will, funny enough, find the main entrance with it’s doors flung wide open.

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BANGKOK / PAGE 31

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MUST SEE’S **Elephant trekking. Floating Market.

Tiger Temple. Mu Thai Boxing. Asiatique

BANGKOK / PAGE 32

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03. ko samui

We had only stepped foot on the picturesque island of Ko Samui for an hour or two and already my head was calm and settled. Liam and me were also yet to squabble or disagree. It was refreshing to be out of the hectic city and soaking up the blissful sun. I now understand why most travellers don’t recommend staying in the city for longer than two days.

I smiled, “This is exactly where I need to be, on cloud nine and crazy in love.”,

KO SAMUI / PAGE 35

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Wandering down wobbly and cobbled footpaths we stumbled upon an open aired **food court. (3 minutes down the road from the Cheeky Monkey) **The Cheeky Monkey Hostel: outstanding pad thai, a sociable environment, friendly staff, spotless rooms, a free buffet and a rooftop pool. What more could you want!

The food court t was swarmed with white plastic chairs and tables.

The area consisted of mouth-watering stalls filled to the gills with glorious food. You name it, they had it! My eyes scanned across the various juicy meats and fish skewers. Flicking through the brimming menus, I was lured in by the lineup of heavenly Thai dishes. My belly wanted it all. The food court is also home to various cocktail stands, providing every cocktail imaginable for just 70 bhat. “We’ll have two mai thai’s please.” **Rocket Fuel! **Throughout your travels, keep an rickety plastic chairs and tables, They may look slightly scruffy but you will get the yummiest and most

KO SAMUI / PAGE 36

eye out for food joints with rather than fancy restaurants. trust me; these places are where authentic Thai cuisine.

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“Oh my god!!!!” Standing behind me in **Ark Bar was an old friend who I went to school with in Ireland. “Imagine seeing you here!” As if I had flew thousands of miles to the other side of the world and bumped into someone from my wee Irish town. This called for shots, shots, and amm, more shots. Feeling tidily, we took our inebriated bodies to **Green Mango. A nightclub recommended by ‘Jimmy Changa’ - a local staff member at the Cheeky Monkey; a 20-something-year-old party animal, with a clef lip and long figure nails.

The night was messy and my mind was blotchy.

I gradually woke up to the scent of stale vodka seeping out of my pours. I rolled out of bed to search for painkillers and water to cure my pounding head and moisten my waterless mouth.

“What happened last night?”

Apparently, the night consisted of drinking my body weight in generous vodka-filled plastic buckets, pissing off a high volume of girls by booty-popping their tiny bodies off the dancing podium, losing my £50 Office metallic strappy sandals and haggling a local to drive me home on his moped free of charge. And an embarrassed boyfriend... **On the subject of losing expensive sandals. Don’t assume that your Birkenstocks are sturdy shoe, especially when your intoxicated and come into contact with the beach. I learned the hard way. My beloved sandals did not appreciate the sea and I learned they were not waterproof. Keep them out of water. This will avoid heartbreak and wasting time, trying to redeem a moldy sandal.

Yeah, you can guess that I didn’t come home with many shoes...

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KO SAMUI / PAGE 39

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Waving goodbye to our wanderlust chums as the boat left the pier, I reflected on my tour of Ko Samui. I learned many things on my visit to this island. I learned that Thai massages cost next to nothing but are rough as fuck! To the point where I feared that the tiny Thai woman with the itty-bitty hands was going to snap my spine partly in half. I learned that happy endings aren’t a myth and they actually do exist (not that I know personally). And finally, I realised that I’m lazy and slightly ignorant for only being fluent in one language - English. A lot of European travellers who I encountered along the way were widely multilingual. So obviously, I had to show off my basic, shit (excuse my French) but crucial foriegn vocabulary, “où est le bar.” Translation: Where is the bar?

My boyfriend and I made a pact that we were going to take grow from this experience. So we pinky promised each other that as soon as we arrived back home... Yes, we were going to take Spanish lessons! #cultured

KO SAMUI / PAGE 40

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**Rent out a moped for the day and take an adventure away from the main traveller hub, Chewang, to explore other parts of Ko Samui, such as Lamai and Bang Por. You will find that both these segments of the island are much quieter and more family orientated but they are home to some of the most heart-stopping, scenic and untouched viewpoints. Also check out King Reggae Bushe in Bang Por for reggae vibes and incredible dirt cheap beach-huts! **Please be cautious and drive safely on mopeds.

Road safety is hard to come by in Thailand; you’ll be shocked at how many travellers are busted up, bandaged up and banged up. **Also check your moped for defects so you won’t be charged for them when you return it to the rental store.

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KO SAMUI / PAGE 43

04. ko tao

Lying on **Sairee Beach (the prime beach on the Island), Ko Tao was already gaining a special place in my heart. It’s a place where you would take your mind on a shitty day when you need to think of something gentle. I rested my head on my boyfriend’s lap and gazed at the spirited sunset. Fishermen were catching their daily prey in cute coloured fishing boats, chilled house music played from a nearby bar and a group of friends were playing volleyball in the sea. Tranquility!

KO TAO / PAGE 45

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Koh Tao, which in Thai means Turtle Island, is smaller and less developed than Koh Samui and Koh Phangan. It’s a hotspot for scuba divers and offers relativity inexpensive diving classes, to achieve worldy diving certificates. Because it’s mostly divers on the island, the nightlife is a bit quieter, but still lively enough to have a ‘civilised’ night out. You will find various hostels also host fun and disorderly bar crawls. There are also cabaret shows, which will introduce you to the lady boys and stalls which serve the most sweetest, tasty and filling pancakes.

Being a wuss and having no balls to go scuba diving, I settled for snorkeling. It was a blustery stormy morning. Parked at the dock of the bay and waiting to take us far out to sea to see some fish, was a rickety old flimsy fisherman’s boat. Freezing, shitting myself and fearing for my life, we revved out to the foggy navy waters. We pulled up and made our first pit stop at ‘Shark Bay’.

DUH DUH DUHHH… After a few minutes of hesitation, my YOLO attitude kicked in and I held my nose tightly and bounced into the gloomy charcoal waters. Surprisingly, the water was lukewarm. Floating there above the water, I watched the sharks feed on a school of sardines. **Don’t worry; they are not killer sharks… And Breathe.

Only young black tipped reef sharks can be found here. They are quite shy so it’s most likely that you will scare them away when you’re moving around. **Don’t fanaticize and expect neon bright and shimmery reefs like I did, instead envision something more along the lines of a coral graveyard. But you will spot vibrant parrot fish and coy angelfish.

KO TAO / PAGE 46

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**Nang Yuan is the magical neighbour island of Ko Tao. The island is made up of three little teardrops of land, which is connected by a massive crisp white sandbar. “This country never fails to amaze me!”

I thought. The island was small (with only one pricy hotel, bar and restaurant) so it was the perfect size for a daytrip. It was time to explore! Powering up the sharp mountain, my legs were exhausted but I was determined to make it to the top. Despite it’s short distance, the path was steep. Right now I was grateful for the overcast weather, it also meant that I would look less embarrassingly sweaty in my photos. I made it! “Oh my God, WOW!” Trust me, this panoramic view across the stretched island is where post-card dreams are made.

It was the most spectacular view that I have ever laid my eyes on!

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KO TAO / PAGE 49

05. ko pangan

Stepping off the boat onto Ko Phangan, It became apparent that each island has its own unique feel and exclusive features. The air was moist and the atmosphere was hedonistic. Travellers were ecstatic and out in full force, making their way up the pier like a herd of wild animals‌ Me included. Why? Because it was the weekend of the Full Moon. So far, I was having the time of my life and my plans for this weekend consisted of, ruthless amounts of alcohol, luminous florescent clobber (neon is only acceptable on this specific occasion) and a peculiar trip to Magic Mountain‌

KO PANGAN / PAGE 51

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Boosting through the hills, the wind whisked through my hair as I clutched a tight grip of my seat. I was on a whirlwind taxi rollercoaster and I did not have a care in the world. Arriving at the main beach, Haad Rin, we set off to find our beach hut. After what seemed like hours of trailing our luggage through identical streets and asking every human in sight for directions to ‘The Peach Hostel’, we began to recognise re-occurring shops and restaurants.

Walking in circles, we began questioned if it even existed. **If you’re wondering why we didn’t use Google Maps. This is the only island where Wi-Fi is non-existent.

“The Peach Hostel, finally!” The advertised ‘beach house’, was in fact, not a beach house nor located on the beach. Instead it was situated on a bug invested hill. From the outside it looked like a boxed trailer and inside was a squared room with a scruffy mattress, which on a brick floor, on a bed of ants. The bathroom was with an ash coloured cemented dungeon which stunk of urine and nasty sewers. **Book your accommodation for the full moon weekend in advance. If you don’t, you will end up paying well over the top for a dingy shithole, which looks nothing like its glossy advertising images.

KO PANGAN / PAGE 52

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Climbing up the abrupt steps with my boyfriend and newly appointed acquaintances, I was on my way to a secret little hideaway on **‘Mushroom Mountain’. Obviously, I was making this trip to bulk up my 5-a-day by ingesting a ‘magic shake’. Walking into the chilled out shack, it was breezy and dim with glowing red lights.

Large mushy cushions, which were perfect for lazing, were spread along the wooden planked floors. The bar was up high with a wicked and clear view of the ocean and lit up beach below.

I sucked on my straw and an ice-cold, milky, hazel-nutty, thick and grainy liquid made its way down to my tummy and giggles took over my body. Every spoken word was a barrel of laughs. One of the crazy Irish lads in our company began to strip off. He chucked his shorts, flip-flops and t-shirt over the wooden railings and into the sea, because he wanted to dance in the rain… There was not a raindrop in sight. Another lad squirmed and shouted as the enlarged black beetles crawled all over his skin… They were minuscule ants.

Dazed and hazed, the beach started to seem much further away. The lights in the shack seemed intense, but the lights on the beach shimmered in the distance and the ocean was glistened in the dark like a bed of chrystals. Lost on another planet of pleasure, chuckles and imagination, I guessed this is what heaven feels like!

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The day of the Full Moon had arrived and the narrow streets were buzzing and humanly congested. Local vendors set up their stalls, stocking them high with multi-coloured plastic beach buckets and glass bottles of unlimited alcoholic spirits. Highlighted signs hung alongside the stalls reading: “Conor”, “Laura”, “Tom” “Rachel”. The locals obviously assume that by scrawling down typical bog standard British names on white boards, it will make them seem more relatable to British tourists. It works and the names will be sure to give you a laugh.

Fast forward to a few hours (and buckets) later. I spotted a towering slide flowing from a nightclub building and flinging riders out and onto the beach. Before I knew it, it was my turn to slide. “WHEEEEEEEE”…

And that was it. I woke up in a clinic, confused, pretty much still drunk and in excruciating and agonizing pain. “Where am I and why does my leg hurt?”

KO PANGAN / PAGE 56

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“Your legs broken.” My boyfriend informed me. I was screaming in agony. The chirpy and earsplitting nurse kept screeching at me “everything is going to be okay, I will put an injection in your bum. Scared and in shock I was crying, “I don’t want anything put in my bum!” I looked into my boyfriend’s eyes and I could see panic, worry and a slight tear.

We waited in the clinic for hours, which felt like long nail-biting days, for an ambulance to come and take me to an x-ray centre. Numerous of bloody, cut and intoxicated bodies made their way in and out of the limited clinic. After the x-ray I received confirmation and photographic evidence that my leg was well and truly broken. The nurse urged me to stay in the clinic over night and stated that a taxi would pick us up in the morning to take us to the harbor to catch a boat to Ko Samui. Why? It’s the only island in the North with hospital facilities.

I was ushered up the pier on a hospital bed and lifted onto a swaying boat. My leg was just hanging there, severely swollen and without a cast. Pulling up at Ko Samui there was a hospital bed and an ambulance waiting to collect me and rush me off. Sirens echoed en route to the hospital. “I know I’m a drama queen, but is there really any need for the sirens? I’m not dying. But, thank god we have insurance.” I thought.

Arriving at the hospital, the doctor stated that my x-ray had somehow been lost on the way. So, off I went again to another x-ray room for multiple x-rays. The doctor reappeared again, this time to tell me that I needed an emergency operation as soon as possible, because the break was so harsh. Adding, that if I did not have this specific operation it could take up to 6 months for my leg to fully heal. “6 months!” My mind went blank and I could not digest any more words. My boyfriend agreed on my behalf for the operation to take place and showed the doctor our insurance email. “Oh, sorry mister that does not cover you. You will have to pay.”

The doctor must have thought we were made of money, explaining that the urgent operation would cost £4000. Ringing our insurance company, they advised us to get out of the private hospital ASAP and make our way to a government hospital, where we would be insured.

Clearing our outstanding bill of £300 (which included a £30 charge for the nurse pushing my wheelchair to the loo) we left. 12 nightmare hours gone and £300 down, I was still without a cast or a bloody painkiller! “What’s a girl got to do around here to get some Ibuprofen?”

05

KO PANGAN / PAGE

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05

“I look ridiculous.” I was modeling a florescent green cast and ancient wooden crutches with screwed nails seeping out at the sides.

“What am I supposed to do? How am I going to get around? Should I go home? I can’t even go into the fucking swimming pool!” So there I was, trying to stay classy with one leg dipped in the pool, flicking the water over my body to try and stay cool. A five-minute walk was now a sweaty half an hour trek. This wasn’t just my summer of adventure that had ended abruptly, but also my boyfriends, who I’m sure, he did not have plans to be running around after his fragile crippled girlfriend who kept having random crying outbursts.

The silly fights and arguments didn’t matter any more and the following week made me fall into a deeper love than I could ever imagine. He was selfless. He took care of me and put my needs first.

He was my soulmate. So sucking it up I decided to stay on my travels and power through because, well, this was only the first leg of our trip, next up it was India.

And I knew deep down that I had to get on the plane for this man…

And a lamb madras.

KO PANGAN / PAGE 60

to be continued...

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