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JACK AND GILL IN 2008

COMPOSED BY DAVE HAMBIDGE

PART ELEVEN GILL IS AN AUNTIE; JACK IS A VOYUER The picture is my own of MowCop on the Cheshire/Staffordshire border


Denise’s lump was late in bursting Which set some local tongues to churtling As to whether she was ever up the duff Or guilty of a terrific bluff? Gwynfor knew without a doubt! His unborn kicked with such a clout That Denise’s belly gained an extra lump So she looked like a camel with the hump. Eventually mother nature pulled the plug Denise’s waters soaked across the rug The contractions went, but came again And soon were rumbling like a train. Gwynfor laid plastic on the passenger seat So as to keep the upholstery dry and neat. He drove his wife to the delivery room, A father to be, yet barely a groom! Gill discovered she was now an Auntie In a garbled phone call from the party That Gwynfor’s good news did provoke When he got home to the Amroth folk. “A lovely girl, just under 3 kilos, I left Denise sleeping without a pillow.” “Give her our love and a kiss for the baby we’ll try to come down this weekend, maybe.”


Jack and Gill celebrated that night As they discussed if they might Want to try and have a child But Gill’s opinion was not mild. “I love you Jack and come the time when we are sure, that will be fine. But just for now, keep your Johnnies ready As we enjoy going steady.” The next weekend Gill drove herself to Amroth ‘cos Jack was on call and couldn’t get off. She found her sister to be sore and tired But delighted for the baby to be held and admired. A constant procession of visitors did just that, The tea that was drunk would have filled a vast vat! Each brought a gift for the new child Although one was a box of home brew, mild. Jack and Gill spoke until late on the phone Neither was happy to be on their own. They swapped gossip and news And described the views out of their bedroom windows. Until Jack had to stop and let Splodge go Into the yard to have a crap. Then all three had a very long nap.


The Sunday lunch was cooked by Gwynfor A task that he had not much skill for! He cindered the Yorkshires and crisped the lamb So everyone opted for bread and jam. Over the pudding of wedding cake and cheese Gill kept enquiring of her sister Denise Of a name for her niece And why the delay, if you please? (NB For our non-British reader, Yorkshire Pudding’s are a traditional dough like accompaniment to cooked meat, akin to a nan bread, or even eaten with jam/jelly by those who claim to know better…)

“Ah, yes, well, now you see It’s not quite as simple as ABC. There are so many traditions to mull over Maternal granny or paternal mother? Do you fancy another Helene? We both like the name of Gwen But that would be new to either clan So, basically, we are in a jam?”


The three adults mulled over the choices Whilst the babe slept on despite the voices. By a process of slow rejection They were all enveloped in mild dejection. “Look,” said Gill, “whose child is it? You pick a name, and damn the shit That others might regard you as in. You can never satisfy all one’s kin!”

Denise and Gwynfor soon agreed And were very happy and pleased. They each phoned their parents to relay the news And both received favourable views. Gill packed her bag to drive to T’Both Feeling rather sad to leave Amroth Where life seemed more simple and fun But she was away from Jack’s buns.


Whilst Gill was at her sister’s Jack was enjoying new vista’s From the top of his cherry picker Spying on the antics of Lady Fritter. He’d been called to repair light balls On the roadside by Hillside Hall. A large lorry had cleared a trail Of light pylons when it derailed.

By the time he arrived at the site Day had given way to night The lamps inside the D’Stash pile Stayed alight for a very long while. Of Sir Eirne or his Roller there was no sight But his wife was bathed in full light As she wandered the rooms, in the buff Which caused Jack’s breath to puff.


Her considerable assets were surprisingly pert No wonder they kept Eirne alert! But the current fondler of her tits Was an acting star with many song hits. Jack thought that he knew his name And why he had gained such national fame. Also his pronouncements on fidelity Which obviously didn’t apply to he!

Jack moved from standard to post Re-attaching cables to their hosts. But each time he went up in the frame Lady Fritter was proving quite game As she and her paramour zoomed Their way around all the rooms Bonking and coupling for all their worth But not with much apparent mirth?


As he vouyered the joyless shagging Jack felt touched, nay moved to bragging, About the love and passion he shared with Gill. He hoped that Fritter would not get ill From some pox acquired by fornication. Then, sudden events overtook his imagination The Lord of the Manor came up the drive, He must have seen his illuminated wife?

The shagging couple did the splits, He to the stairs as she covered her bits. Fritter rushed to welcome her man As the lover departed in a blacked out van. Jack lowered his hoist cradle As soon as he felt able. The job was done and street light aglow, Did anyone else care or know?


Part Eleven, Gill is an auntie and Jack a voyeur