According to new studies, that instant head-over-heels feeling we have all felt at one time or another is likely to lead us all astray. Instead, as stated by recent findings which we are now dishing out as CitySex love tips, it’s the slow burning embers of attraction that grows stronger over time—your growing fondness on a slightly kooky colleague, not the instantaneous lust you feel for that Orlando Bloom look-alike across the hall—that will point you to the right direction towards true and lasting love. What’s more surprising is having that kind of bond you see in couples together for at least half a century can actually be learned, whether you fell head-over-heels at the beginning of a relationship or felt merely nonchalant towards it. Confused? It’s completely understandable. The whole concept of love that can be learned is quite unacceptable to most of us, not to mention unromantic. Female protagonists in romcoms often collide—literally—with their soulmates, so now we’ve come to expect a similar fate. Feeling the world around us stand still and then melt away as we lock eyes with a hot stranger makes us think they are The One. However, what our CitySex experts say these chance moments we often mistake for true love, or love at first sight are more likely the case of a sudden onset of lust. Unfortunately, much to our disadvantage, only a few of us know the difference. We all know what lust feels like: A ton of butterflies injected with caffeine going berserk in your gut, your heart trying to beat itself out your chest and that electricity that goes through you every time you touch. When this happens, Mother Nature is trying to do its thing. Lust is probably
directing you in some basic way, especially if it’s mutual. That probably means you are wellsuited to create offspring. However, one should be cautious because this may lead to heartbreak, and this will most likely contribute to America’s growing divorce rate. It turns out Americans may be suffering from the disillusioned notion that love and fate are mysteriously connected. In other words, a mysterious fated force that acts on you—not one you have any sort of control over—and that ties in with the myth that The One is out there for you, and you’ll just live happily ever after without any real effort. To remedy this, you have to separate the feeling of love and lust. Love, unlike lust, builds gradually with a slow burn—as intimacy intensifies, so does your sense of certainty. A perfect example is fixed marriage couples. Instead of hiding their flaws at the start of a relationship, the fixed marriage couples were honest about who they were, and what they expected from a partner. When people are trying to arrange a marriage, deal-breakers are all on the table. While Americans, in contrast, hide their flaws through a crazy system of dating, because they always want to put their best foot forward. However, all their flaws eventually come out in the long run, which tends to ruin the relationship. The only way to build a love that lasts and grows is not by falling hard for a man with large a chest and a six-pack, but by starting out with someone with whom you’re compatible on the big issues.