the BEST OF FAKE NEWs Woman Arrested for Defecating on Boss’ Desk After Winning The Lottery >See Page 4
Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked >See Page 5
Donald Trump Praises Colonel Sanders for His Service in the Civil War >See Page 7
Saudi arabia: Panel of scientists admits women are mammals, yet ‘not human’ >See Page 14
Kim Jong-Un Named The Onion’s Sexiest Man Alive For 2012 >See Page 16
theonion.com - 9 JUN 2012
Obama’s 19-YearOld Son Makes Rare Appearance At DNC The first family has turned more than a few heads at this week’s Democratic National Convention, where the president, as he greets delegates and waves to crowds of supporters, is often accompanied not only by his wife and two daughters, but also his rarely seen 19-year-old son, Luther. The shy, slightly overweight teenager, who has lived his entire life with his mother in central Illinois, seldom appears in public with the president, with whom he has reportedly shared a somewhat distant and occasionally strained relationship. “When I saw that kid with President Obama, I had no clue who he was,” said Georgia delegate Kathy Tyson, stating that the teen appeared to have difficulty sustaining eye contact with others and stood uncomfortably alongside his father when he shook hands with voters Thursday. “I guess he does kind of look like the president, though a bit shorter and stockier.”
“There was a rough patch during Luther’s early and mid-teens when he and his dad didn’t get along at all,”
Luther was born in 1993 to Andrea Pletcher, then a 24-yearold diner cashier whom Obama, a young law professor at the time, met during a brief trip to the state capital of Springfield. While the president’s son is said to have faced numerous obstacles during his childhood, including academic troubles, repeated emotional outbursts, and his mother’s bouts with alcoholism, family friends have stated that overall he was a “good kid” who “genuinely meant well.” White House aides said the president sends money to Pletcher each month for Luther’s care. After he became a U.S. senator and moved to Washington, Obama reportedly visited his 11-year-old son every other Saturday afternoon, playing wiffle ball with him or taking him out to a movie matinee and then dinner at the local Applebee’s. When he became president, however, Obama’s contact with the boy reduced markedly, though sources confirmed he would still send Luther a birthday card and speak with him on the phone every month or so, often talking him through his schoolwork or asking about his son’s interests in music and online gaming. According to reports, the two have often struggled to find common ground, owing largely to their sharply differing levels of motivation and expectations for academic and personal success.
“There was a rough patch during Luther’s early and midteens when he and his dad didn’t get along at all,” said Pletcher, speaking from the $600-a-month ground-level condominium she shares with her son and live-in boyfriend. “But Barry came to Luther’s high school graduation last year, and that was a big step forward for them. And now that Luther’s rebellious phase seems to be winding down, there’s definitely a greater respect between them.”
“We’ve got Luther stuffing envelopes and handing out pins to the delegates, and he’s doing a great job,” senior campaign aide Stephanie Cutter said. “It takes a while for him to come out of his shell, but once he opens up he’s a real nice kid. Plus he’s just so great with Sasha and Malia. They really love their halfbrother.” “Luther may not have his father’s smarts or gift for rhetoric,” Cutter added, “but he tries. And he’s got a good heart—a real good heart.” Despite comments that interactions between the president and his son have remained noticeably stiff and awkward, Obama said he was excited that he and Luther were spending quality time together and “finally starting to get to know each other.” “I can’t say I was the perfect father by any means,” said Obama, admitting candidly that he “wasn’t always there for Luther.” “While my son has battled his share of problems, his mother really did the best she could raising him, and I think she did a fine job. Now Luther and I are ready to move forward and make up for lost time.” “I’m real proud of my boy,” he added, putting his arm around his son, who flinched ever so slightly at the physical contact.
“I’ll tell you, though, Luther was a real handful for a while there, with his ADD and all,” Pletcher continued. “But he’s doing okay now. And I’ve been with [boyfriend] Ian [Williams] for the past three years, so Luther’s had a male figure he can look up to a little bit.” In a sign of their improving relationship, Obama is said to have congratulated his son heartily upon learning Luther was giving school another shot this fall, enrolling part-time at Lincoln Land Community College. Additionally, Obama expressed optimism that his son could have a “real bright future” in the field of sales or, if he applied himself, computers. With Luther now slated to join the first family on the campaign trail, staffers confirmed the president has encouraged them to entrust the frequently expressionless teen, who often dresses in all-black clothing, with some minor tasks to help him learn about responsibility.
Can’t say I was the perfect father by any means”
cnn.com.de - 9 MARCH 2016
Donald Trump Says The Earth Is Flat Speaking to reporters in Baltimore on Monday, following the 138th conference for the National Guard Association of the United States, the Republican Party’s presidential nominee revealed that he is a member of a growing population known generally as flat earth truthers. “I fly a lot, and I mean a lot. No one flies more than me. Listen, I own a jet. I own a 757, beautiful plane, it’s the best plane! If the world were round, believe me, I would know!”
“I fly a lot, and I mean a lot. No one flies more than me. Listen, I own a jet. I own a 757, beautiful plane, it’s the best plane! If the world were round, believe me, I would know!”
The comments came in response to a question from AP reporter, Charles Darr, regarding the future role of the National Guard, as private companies proliferate space travel. “Mr. Trump, if elected, are you willing to increase taxes in order to meet the growing budget demands of the National Guard, as existential threats from our enemies grow along with the advancement of space travel technology?” Darr asked.
The presidential hopeful replied that such a future is “nonsense,” adding that “the round earth people, and you know who they are, these people have an agenda.” After declaring that the world is flat, Mr. Trump, as he has done before, again cited “the Internet” as his primary source of information. “There are people out there, many people, and I mean missile experts, sailors, you name it, folks, and this is what they’re saying. It’s all on the Internet, it’s there.” The flat earth conspiracy theory, like most conspiracy theories, is propagated primarily via the Internet. Internet forums and YouTube channels are dedicated to “enlightening” the vast majority who, as truthers explain, naively buy into the “globe earth theory” that has been sold to them since birth. One piece of evidence that flat earth truthers present as proof that there is a global conspiracy against them, is the emblem used by the United Nations, implying that the intergovernmental organization is part of the conspiracy. In it, the planet is displayed as a flat earth, with the northern pole at the center, and southern hemisphere continents stretched out toward the circumference, just as the planet really is, according to truthers. In April, after stating that he is open to allowing Japan and South Korea to develop nuclear weapons to alleviate the financial costs of the United States’ role as “policemen to the world,” Trump also suggested minimizing the authority of the United Nations. “By the way, United Nations,” Trump said, “same thing, smaller numbers.”
In now deleted tweets, Trump also seemingly offered Biblical evidence of a flat earth. During an interview at ReCode’s 2016 Code Conference in Rancho Palos Verdes, California, Elon Musk, founder and CEO of SpaceX, a company that is developing the technology to make humans a multiplanetary species by colonizing Mars, said he would suggest a direct democracy for humans on Mars, as opposed to the United States’ version of representative democracy. When asked about the potential Trump presidency, following the nominee’s flat earth claim, Musk replied, “I’m glad the framers of the constitution saw fit to ensure that the president was captain of a large ship with a small rudder. There’s a limit to how much harm you can do as president. I don’t think it’s the finest moment in our democracy.” When pressed further regarding the unique dangers presented by a President Trump, Musk added, “Oh what the hell do I care? I’m moving to Mars.”
Oh what the hell do I care? I’m moving to Mars.”
express.co.uk - 13 jan 2017
Merkel calls for EU army to defend Europe as relations with UK and USA weaken ANGELA Merkel has renewed her call for the European Union to have its own army, warning the bloc will not be able to rely on others to guarantee its security with Donald Trump in the White House. The Berlin chief said Brussels will have to take on “more responsibility in the world” as she predicted a cooling in trans-Atlantic ties under the eurosceptic President-ele and describing Brexit as “emotional” for her she urged the remaining 27 member states to use Britain’s decision to leave to railroad through ever closer military cooperation. Mrs Merkel made the remarks as she picked up honorary degrees from two Belgian universities which were awarded in recognition of her work towards a ‘unified Europe’. They come as eurocrats continue to press forward with plans for much closer European cooperation on military matters - a so-called ‘Defence Union’ which is seen by most observers as the back-door creation of an EU army. EU chiefs were recently forced to drop controversial plans for a joint military headquarters in Brussels after Britain pledged to veto them, but Mrs Merkel hinted they will be back on the table immediately after Brexit. Concerns have been raised that an EU army will fatally undermine NATO - the western military alliance which has kept peace on the continent for 50 years - by creating a competing command structure. But Mrs Merkel insisted such a force will need to come into being in part because of the indifference of Mr Trump, who takes office on
January 21, towards the entire euro project. She said: “Let’s not fool ourselves. From the point of view of some of our traditional partners - and I am thinking here as well about the transatlantic relations - there is no eternal guarantee for a close cooperation with us Europeans. “I’m convinced that Europe and the EU will have to learn to take on more responsibility in the world.” The German leader insisted that only Brussels, and not individual member states,
can successfully solve global problems, citing defence issues including Russian aggression in Ukraine. She said: “Europe is facing the biggest challenges for decades. It would be naive to always rely on others to solve the problems in our neighbourhood.” In a speech to delegates in the Belgian capital she also addressed the issue of Brexit, which she said was an “emotional moment” but also presented Europe with the opportunity to press forwards with its military plans.
Europe is facing the biggest challenges for decades. It would be naive to always rely on others to solve the problems in our neighbourhood.”
Sean Penn Demands To Know What Asshole Took SeanPenn@gmail.com LOS ANGELES—In an impassioned 1,900-word open letter published in Monday’s Washington Post, actor-director Sean Penn urged the unknown person who registered the e-mail address SeanPenn@gmail.com to “come forward immediately, rather than wallowing in the shame and ignominy of fraud.” Sean Penn The paid full-page advertisement, addressed to “a certain inconsiderate asshole,” continued: “Every American— indeed, every human being, regardless of nationality— deserves to be rightfully and accurately represented on the World Wide Web—the communication gateway into the next century and beyond— without having to resort to nonsensical aliases with random strings of numbers tacked onto the end. In an era of global wireless technology, our very
identities are at stake. It’s highly unethical at best, criminal at worst, for others to wantonly abscond with them.” Penn recounted in the letter how he had waited for an invitation to Google’s e-mail service for a year and a half before receiving one earlier this month. According to Penn, when he tried to establish an account, he received a message indicating that his desired user name, SeanPenn, had already been registered.
apost.com - 29 Oct 2017
Woman Arrested for Defecating on Boss’ Desk After Winning The Lottery We’ve all been there – we’ve got a boss that we would like to flip off or swear at, but we wouldn’t ever dare – until we win the lottery. But would you be able to commit to it so much that you spend an entire weekend holding in your bowels because you dislike them so much? Well, that’s just what one woman in New York did earlier this week. The woman won around three million dollars from the lottery over the weekend. What was her first thought when she heard she held the winning numbers? Revenge, of course! The woman said her initial thought was how she was going to pay her boss back after years of putting up with him. The 41-year-old New Yorker said she went around the city indulging in food from every Mexican food truck she could get her hands on. But, she wasn’t
just eating because she loved the food. No, she was storing up ammo in her bowels for when she completed the final phase of her plot on Monday morning. Her plan was to keep her stomach as full as possible so that she could ‘let loose’ on Monday, on her boss’s desk. And that’s exactly what she did. She ate every burrito, chalupa and taco she could handle over the weekend and held it in to the point of feeling ill. The woman had said she was “shuffling around like an inmate on Death row.” Hey, no one said revenge was easy, but
we thought revenge was bestserved cold? Monday Morning Madness When her boss entered the office on Monday morning, he probably wasn’t expecting to find a giant dump laying on his desk awaiting him. He said that he thought something was up the second he walked up to enter his office and noticed his door was shut. When he opened the door, he was startled to find the woman on top of his desk, crouching over and making animal noises to release her excrement.
arrested the woman. Luckily she had the funds available to bail herself out and enjoy her newfound money. What did the woman have to say when the cops were putting her in handcuffs? ‘It was worth it.’ So, there you go…if you’ve ever contemplated a brilliant way
is to get revenge on your boss after winning the lottery, you’ll have to go a little above and beyond telling them to go screw themselves. Instead, take a hint from this lady and unload some of your crap on his desk before giving him the finger.
But, she wasn’t about to stop what she was doing out of embarrassment. Quite the opposite, as she turned to stare him in the eyes, continuing to empty her bowels all over her boss’s desk. Her boss turned away to call in the authorities. When the police arrived, they
Delaware Cemetery Begins Exhuming Bodies of Confederate Soldiers Delaware City Council passed a resolution this week ordering the bodies of all Confederate soldiers buried at Oak Grove Cemetery to be exhumed and relocated. The remains will be molested and dumped in the lake at nearby Alum Creek State Park. The decision to relocate Confederate graves comes after violence broke out at a white nationalist rally in
Charlottesville, Virginia last week. One woman who was protesting against the white nationalist groups in attendance was killed when James Alex Fields Jr. drove his car into a crowd of counter protesters. Of 32 civil war graves at Oak Grove, 6 contain Confederate soldiers. Work started early Saturday morning and is expected to wrap up this weekend.
The oninons - 31/08/2009
Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked LEBANON, OHIO—Apollo 11 mission commander and famed astronaut Neil Armstrong shocked reporters at a press conference Monday, announcing he had been convinced that his historic first step on the moon was part of an elaborate hoax orchestrated by the United States government. soundstage, most likely in New Mexico.” “This is the only logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies in the grainy, 40-year-old footage,” Armstrong added.
According to Armstrong, he was forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos, and reading several blog posts on conspiracy theorist Ralph Coleman’s website, OmissionControl.org. “It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind’s so-called ‘greatest technological achievement’ for me to realize I had been living a lie, “ said a visibly emotional Armstrong, addressing reporters at his home. “It has become painfully clear to me that on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the control of my crew did not in fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days, touch down on the moon, and perform various experiments, ushering in a new era for humanity. Instead, the entire thing was filmed on a
Amstrong was swayed by OmissionControl’s use of bolding and capital letters to highlight NASA’s many blatant fallacies. Although Armstrong said he “could have sworn” he felt the effects of zero gravity while soaring out of the Earth’s atmosphere and through space, he now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling “ashamed” that he had failed to notice the rippling of the American flag he and Buzz Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about traveling to the “moon.” “That rippling is not possible in the vacuum of space,” Armstrong said. “It must have been the wind from an air-conditioning duct that I didn’t recognize because you can’t hear a damn thing inside those helmets.” “This is all just common sense, people,” he added. “It’s the moon. You can’t land on the moon.”
In a symbolic display of his newfound skepticism, Armstrong then grabbed a collection of moon rocks he had kept as souvenirs and dramatically dumped them into a trash can. One of the main arguments posited on Coleman’s website— that America could not, in 1969, have realistically possessed the technological capabilities needed to put a man on the moon—was reportedly one of the first things to cause the legendary astronaut a pang of doubt. Despite having spent thousands of hours training for the historic mission under the guidance of the world’s top scientists, technicians, and pilots, Armstrong said he knew the conspiracy theories were true after learning that website author Coleman was “quite the
“Yes, at the time I thought those thousands of NASA employees were working round the clock for the same incredible goal, but if anyone would know what was really going on, it would be Ralph Coleman,” Armstrong said of the 31-year-old part-time librarian’s assistant. “He knows a lot more about faked moon landings than I ever could. He’s been researching the subject on the Internet for years.” “Literally years,” he added. Addressing another inconsistency brought to light by OmissionControl, Armstrong explained he was probably so focused on piloting the lunar module that he failed to notice that one of the moon rocks visible in footage of the landing appears to have the letter ‘C’ stamped on it. An emotional Armstrong said that the only possible explanation for this detail was that the rock actually came from NASA’s prop department. “They forgot to turn it over,” Armstrong said, removing his eyeglasses to wipe away tears. “Those lying bastards at NASA went through all the trouble to fake the moon landing, but they forgot to turn over one little prop rock. And now the whole damn thing’s blowing up in their faces.” Although Armstrong initially questioned why the U.S. would attempt such an elaborate coverup, he cited one overarching explanation provided by Coleman: that it was a ploy to defeat the Soviet Union and fulfill the Illuminati’s plan to unify the world’s banks and control the dissemination of information. “Just ask Ralph Coleman,” Armstrong said. “He’ll answer any questions you have.”
Those lying bastards at NASA went through all the trouble to fake the moon landing, but they forgot to turn over one little prop rock. And now the whole damn thing’s blowing up in their faces.”
To conclude the press conference, Armstrong showed reporters footage of his first steps on the moon to demonstrate that the most daming evidence was “right under our noses.” Speeding up the tape and replaying the graceful moonwalk several times in a row, Armstrong explained that the iconic images of humanity’s triumphant dance with the cosmos was actually just a film of him walking backwards, slowed down, and played in reverse. “What other explanation could there be?” Armstrong asked. “It’s all right here. Everything is all right here if you’d just open your damn eyes and see!” Added Armstrong, “I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind.”
SNAP USA NEWS - 29 Oct 2017
Morgan Freeman: ‘Jailing Hillary’ Best Way To ‘Restore Public Faith In Govt’
The best way to restore public faith in government institutions is to “send Hillary to prison“, according to Hollywood icon Morgan Freeman, who warns that unless the former First Lady’s crimes are seen to be punished, “everyday Americans will forever know, deep down, that there is one law for those with money and power, and another for the rest of us.” “Hillary should be in jail for her unlawful deeds and President Trump should absolutely, absolutely make sure this happens to send the very strong message that no-one, and I mean no-one, is above the law in the United States of America,” Morgan Freeman said in New York while promoting National Geographic’s new docu-series The Story of Us. Responding to a question about why he thinks President
Trump has not yet fulfilled this particular campaign promise, Freeman laughed and said and looked up at the heavens before saying, “Goddamnit man, you were elected for this very reason, lock that bitch up!” After being accused of political incorrectness, Freeman laughed again, saying “It’s all about being loving and caring these days, isn’t it?“
“The most loving and caring thing we as a society can do for Hillary Clinton is lock her up where she can get professional and institutional help and prevent her hurting herself or anyone else.” The veteran actor, who remains as professionally active as at any point in his long career, cannot be accused of partisan bullying. It appears the 80-year-old star is simply a straight shooter who would prefer politicians and public figures are held to the same standards as everyone else. In September the Shawshank Redemption star appeared in a viral video demanding President Trump speak directly to the American people about the extent of Russia’s meddling in the 2016 presidential election. While insisting that the Kremlin’s election interference is “no movie script,” and that he did not know whether the allega-
tions were true or not, Morgan said, “we need our president to speak directly to us and tell us the truth.” “We need him to sit behind the desk in the Oval Office and say, ‘My fellow Americans. During this past election, we came under at-
tack by the Russian government,” Freeman demands Trump to say, adding, ‘I’ve called on Congress and our intelligence community to use every resource available to conduct a thorough investigation to determine exactly how this happened.’”
the red shtick - 2 May 2017
Donald Trump Praises Colonel Sanders for His Service in the Civil War Fresh off his gaffe involving President Andrew Jackson and the Civil War, Donald Trump has made yet another historical faux pas regarding the “War of Northern Aggression.” In an interview with The Red Shtick, Trump regaled us with his other thoughts on the war that an angry Jackson totally saw coming. Trump has been struggling to defend his comments — widely deemed preposterous, even by St. Landry Parish educational standards — in which he claimed a man who owned as many as 300 slaves would’ve found a way to prevent the Civil War. “People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why?” he told his interviewer, Salena Zito, a host on SiriusXM’s P.O.T.U.S. channel, who spoke to Mr. Trump for an article that was published on Sunday in The Washington Examiner. Mr. Trump followed up on the comment in a tweet on Monday night, arguing that Jackson saw
the Civil War coming and would have prevented it had he not died 16 years earlier. The Donald, a member of the Party of Lincoln, elaborated on his recent controversial remarks about how the first Democratic U.S. president, who died 16 years before the Civil War, would have managed to avoid a war the first Republican president could not. Trump, a noted fan of Kentucky Fried Chicken, explained how Col. Sanders took five loaves of Evangeline Maid bread and two chickens, added his secret blend of 11 herbs and spices, and turned these humble ingredients into delicious meals that lasted an entire winter.
Speaking to our intern Dave Robicheaux, who is paid in Facebook likes, Trump insisted Col. Harland Sanders, whom he called a “tremendous Civil War hero,” once saved an entire army at Valley Forge from certain starvation.
Tremendous Civil War hero,”
Robicheaux attempted to explain to Trump that Col. Sanders was born 25 years after the end of the war, that The Donald seemed to be confusing the food incident with a Biblical story about Jesus feeding the multitudes, and that Valley Forge was neither an encampment nor a battle site during the Civil War.
Radiohead Fans Left Embarrassed After Mistaking Tuning Session for New Song Tens of thousands of Radiohead fans embarrased themselves at Glastonbury festival this evening after mistaking the band tuning their guitars for new material. many tweets were sent from members of
the crowd during the incident, some claiming it to be the band’s best work since OK Computer. One fan described it as “minimalist, but also complex, emotionmally raw, but still able to piush the boundaries of what music can be.”
oddity central - 2 June 2017
Snoop Dogg Arrested for Conspiracy After Talking About ‘Murder Trump’ Video? Snoop Dogg, major pothead and advocate of violence as a form of protest, has landed in hot water over his video “Lavender,” in which he shoots Donald Trump. In the video, the rapper shoots a clown version of President Trump with a toy gun, but that’s not what got him in trouble. After the story went viral, a reporter from Breitbart caught up with Snoop Dogg and asked him if he believed violence was
the answer. His response was chilling. He said: “No, man. I don’t like violence any more than the next guy, but I would hope that if this clown in the White House was about to start a war or somethin’ that someone would do what I did but with a real gun. I know I would and I would encourage anyone who could get close enough to do the same. That’s not violence…it’s survival of the species.”
Antisocial Woman Pretends to Be Blind for 28 Years So She Wouldn’t Have to Greet People 28 years ago, Carmen Jiménez, from Madrid, Spain, became completely blind due to a serious eye injury. At least that’s what she told everyone, including her own family, because she was tired of having to say “hello” to people she didn’t actually want to greet. The 57-year-old woman recently revealed that she had always been able to see perfectly, which left her family in shock, even though they had always suspected that something was of about her condition. Her husband told reporters that she would put on her makeup perfectly, and sometimes they would see her trying to look at the TV from the corner of her eyes. But she never admitted to faking her blindness, until recently But what on Earth would poses anyone to fake blindness for nearly three decades? Carmen apparently did it to avoid having
to greet and talk to people she didn’t actually like. “I was tired of meeting people on the street and stopping to say hello, I’ve never been very social person, and by pretending to be blind I was able to avoid many social responsibilities,” she said, according to Hay Noticia. Apart from having to explain to her family why she lied to them for so many years, and meeting the very people she was trying so hard to avoid, Carmen Jiménez is also facing legal problems, because having registered as a blind person, she has received special financial aid.
News of Carmen’s mindblowing deceit went viral on Latino news sites in both Europe and South America, but I am not at all convinced it is legit. It’s downright preposterous to believe that someone could fake blindness for so long without anyone noticing. Plus, doesn’t the Government test people before offering them financial aid for blindness? There is also no real proof that Carmen Jiménez actually exists, just the article from Hay Noticia, which was later picked up by other news outlets. I’d really be surprised if it turns out to be true, but if it does, this will probably be the craziest thing anyone has ever done.
www.outsideonline.com - 11 Oct 2016
Obituary: Great Barrier Reef (25 Million BC-2016) Climate change and ocean acidification have killed off one of the most spectacular features on the planet. The Great Barrier Reef of Australia passed away in 2016 after a long illness. It was 25 million years old. For most of its life, the reef was the world’s largest living structure, and the only one visible from space. It was 1,400 miles long, with 2,900 individual reefs and 1,050 islands. In total area, it was larger than the United Kingdom, and it contained more biodiversity than all of Europe combined. It harbored 1,625 species of fish, 3,000 species of mollusk, 450 species of coral, 220 species of birds, and 30 species of whales and dolphins. Among its many other achievements,
the reef was home to one of the world’s largest populations of dugong and the largest breeding ground of green turtles. The reef was born on the eastern coast of the continent of Australia during the Miocene epoch. Its first 24.99 million years were seemingly happy ones, marked by overall growth. It was formed by corals, which are tiny anemone-like animals that secrete shell to form colonies of millions of individuals. Its complex, sheltered structure came to comprise the most important habitat in the ocean. As sea levels rose and fell through the ages, the reef built itself into a vast labyrinth of shallow-water
With such extraordinary diversity of life and landscape, it provided some of the most thrilling marine adventures on earth to humans who visited. Its otherworldly colors and patterns will be sorely missed.
reefs and atolls extending 140 miles off the Australian coast and ending in an outer wall that plunged half a mile into the abyss. With such extraordinary diversity of life and landscape, it provided some of the most thrilling marine adventures on earth to humans who visited. Its otherworldly colors and patterns will be sorely missed. To say the reef was an extremely active member of its community is an understatement. The surrounding ecological community wouldn’t have existed without it. Its generous spirit was immediately evident 60,000 years ago, when the first humans
reached Australia from Asia during a time of much lower sea levels. At that time, the upper portions of the reef comprised limestone cliffs and innumerable caves lining a resource-rich coast. Charlie Veron, longtime chief scientist for the Australian Institute of Marine Science and the Great Barrier Reef’s most passionate champion (he personally discovered 20 percent of the world’s coral species), called the reef in that era a “Stone Age Utopia.” Aboriginal clans hunted and fished its waters and cays for millennia, and continued to do so right up to its demise.
Worldwide fame touched the reef in 1770, when Captain James Cook became the first European to navigate its deadly maze. Although the reef was beloved by nearly all who knew it, Cook was not a fan. “The sea in all parts conceals shoals that suddenly project from the shore, and rocks that rise abruptly like a pyramid from the bottom,” he wrote in his journal. Cook’s ship foundered on one of those shoals and was nearly sunk, but after several months Cook escaped the reef. After that, the reef was rarely out of the spotlight. A beacon for explorers, scientists,
No one knows if a serious effort could have saved the reef, but it is clear that no such effort was made”.
artists, and tourists, it became Australia’s crown jewel. Yet that didn’t stop the Queensland government from attempting to lease nearly the entire reef to oil and mining companies in the 1960s—a move that gave birth to Australia’s first conservation movement and a decade-long “Save the Reef” campaign that culminated in the 1975 creation of Great Barrier Reef Marine Park, which restricted fishing, shipping, and development in the reef and seemed to ensure its survival. In his 2008 book, A Reef in Time, Veron wrote that back then he might have ended his book about the reef with “a heartwarming bromide: ‘And now we can rest assured that
Today, as we are coming to grips with the influence that humans are having on the world’s environments, it will come as no surprise that I am unable to write anything remotely like that ending.”
future generations will treasure this great wilderness area for all time.’” But, he continued: “Today, as we are coming to grips with the influence that humans are having on the world’s environments, it will come as no surprise that I am unable to write anything remotely like that ending.” In 1981, the same year that UNESCO designated the reef a World Heritage Site and called it “the most impressive marine area in the world,” it experienced its first mass-bleaching incident. Corals derive their astonishing colors, and much of their nourishment, from symbiotic algae that live on their surfaces. The algae photosynthesize and make sugars, which the corals feed on. But when temperatures rise too high, the algae produce too much oxygen, which is toxic in high concentrations, and the corals must eject their algae to survive. Without the algae, the corals turn bone white and begin to starve. If water temperatures soon return to normal, the corals can recruit new algae and recover, but if not, they will die in months. In 1981, water temperatures soared, two-thirds of the coral in the inner portions of the reef bleached, and scientists began to suspect that climate change threatened coral reefs in ways that no marine park could prevent. By the turn of the millennium, mass bleachings were common. The winter of 1997–98 brought the next big one, followed by an even more severe one in 2001–02, and another whopper in 2005–06. By then, it was apparent that warming water was not the only threat brought by
climate change. As the oceans absorbed more carbon from the atmosphere, they became more acidic, and that acid was beginning to dissolve the living reef itself. Concerned for the reef’s health, a number of friends attempted interventions—none more poignant than Veron’s famed 2009 speech to London’s 350-year-old Royal Society titled “Is the Great Barrier Reef on Death Row?” Veron quickly answered his own question in the affirmative: “This is not a fun talk to give, but I’ve never given a more important talk in my life,” he told the premier gathering of scientists, accurately predicting that atmospheric carbon dioxide concentrations of 450 parts per million (which the world will reach in 2025) would bring about the demise of the reef. On the contrary, attempts to call attention to the reef’s plight were thwarted by the government of Australia itself, which in 2016, shortly after approving the largest coal mine in its history, successfully pressured the United Nations to remove a chapter about the reef from a report on the impact of climate change on World Heritage sites. Australia’s Department of the Environment explained the move by saying, “experience had shown that negative comments about the status of World Heritage-listed properties impacted on tourism.” In other words, if you tell people the reef is dying, they might stop coming. By then, the reef was in the midst of the most catastrophic bleaching event in its history, from which it would never
Energy Drinks Contain Ingredient Extracted From Bull Urine And Semen A study done by Longhorn Cattle Company, tested some of the top energy drink brands such as Red Bull, Monster, etc. What they found might leave your stomach in a knot. They found that the drinks do, in fact, contain bull semen. Taurine is the ingredient that has come under fire. Taurine is named after the Latin Taurus, which means bull. It was first isolated from ox bile in 1827 by Australian scientists Friedrich Tiedemann and Leopold Gmelon. It is often called an amino acid, even in scientific literature, but it lacks a carboxyl group. It is not strictly an amino acid. Taurine is present in bulls liver, semen and urine. One thing is for certain,
recover. As much as 50 percent of the coral in the warmer, northern part of the reef died. “The whole northern section is trashed,” Veron told Australia’s Saturday Paper. “It looks like a war zone. It’s heartbreaking.” With no force on earth capable of preventing the oceans from continuing to warm and acidify for centuries to come, Veron had no illusions about the future. “I used to have the best job in the
the taurine used in energy drinks such as Red Bull is taken from these sources. Taurine found in energy drinks is a byproduct of bull testicles, it is considered not to be vegetarian friendly. The ingredient is taurine, a naturally occurring substance that is present in bull bile and breastmilk. The video shows how this ingredient is extracted from the bulls. It was filmed by an employee of the company that supplies this ingredient to the various energy drink companies. The video was then leaked, leaving to us this secret they have tried to keep quiet for so long. The employee was later fired for violating company policy.
world. Now it’s turned sour... I’m 71 years old now, and I think I may outlive the reef.” The Great Barrier Reef was predeceased by the South Pacific’s Coral Triangle, the Florida Reef off the Florida Keys, and most other coral reefs on earth. It is survived by the remnants of the Belize Barrier Reef and some deepwater corals.
worldnewsdailyreport.com - 25 Aug 2015
BIN LADEN IS “ALIVE AND WELL IN THE BAHAMAS”, SAYS EDWARD SNOWDEN
I have documents showing that Bin Laden is still on the CIA’s payroll,”
Moscow| National Security Agency whistleblower Edward Snowden, has made a new controversial claim yesterday, saying that he possessed some classified information proving that Osama Bin Laden is still alive. Snowden, who lives as a fugitive in Russia after leaking documents about the NSA’s surveillance programs has made some previously unreported allegations about the famous terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, during an interview with the Moscow Tribune. According to him, not only is Bin Laden still alive, but he is living a lavish lifestyle in the Bahamas, thanks to regular payments from the CIA. “I have documents showing that Bin Laden is still on the CIA’s payroll,” claims Edward
Snowden. “He is still receiving more than $100,000 a month, which are being transferred through some front businesses and organizations, directly to his Nassau bank account. I am not certain where he is now, but in 2013, he was living quietly in his villa with five of his wives and many children.” snowden3 The terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden was supposedly killed by United States Navy SEALs on May 2 2011, is still alive in a luxurious Nassau suburb. Mr. Snowden says the CIA
orchestrated the fake death of the former leader of Al Qaeda, while he was actually transported with his family in an undisclosed location in the Bahamas. “Osama Bin Laden was one of the CIA’s most efficient operatives for a long time,” claims the famous whistleblower. “What kind of message would it send their other operatives if they were to let the SEALs kill him? They organized his fake death with the collaboration of the Pakistani Secret services, and he simply abandoned his cover. Since everyone believes he is dead, nobody’s looking for him, so it was pretty easy to disappear. Without the beard and the military jacket, nobody recognizes him.” Mr. Snowden says that the documents proving that Bin Laden is still alive will be integrally reproduced in his new book, expected to be released in September.
Edward Snowden was hired by an NSA contractor in 2013 after previous employment with Dell and the CIA. In the month of June of the same year, he revealed thousands of classified NSA documents to journalists. The US government filed espionage charges against him
shortly after his revelations were made public. He has been living under asylum in Moscow, after fleeing the US for Hong Kong in the wake of the leaks. On July 28 2015, the White House has rejected a “We the People” petition of nearly 168,000 signatories, to pardon
burrard street journal - 7 Sept 2016
President Obama Confirms He Will Refuse To Leave Office If Trump Is Elected Barack Obama has sensationally told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that he will NOT vacate the Oval office if Donald J. Trump is elected the 45th President of the United States.
The current president claims he is “fully prepared” to ignore the popular vote if it means stopping Trump, having found what he believes is a little known loophole that would allow him to remain in charge until a reelection is called. “As president, I must do what I feel is in the best interests of
our nation,” he explained. “If the American people elected ‘the Donald’ then I will be forced to take whatever actions I deem necessary.”
responded. “I cannot allow him into this chair, with his finger so close to the button. The power would go to his head immediately.”
When asked by the CNN anchor if he would remain in charge, Obama’s response was firm. “I am not standing down as president if it means four years of President Trump,” he said categorically. The president was asked what exact lengths he would go to, to prevent the billionaire from being sworn in on January, 20th, 2017. “I am prepared to file a motion of ‘no confidence’ in our citizens thereby taking their vote away from them,” he confessed.
Obama even suggested he will barricade himself and his family inside the White House if it means stopping the Trump family from taking up residency there. “I’ve instructed the Secret Service to use full force in defending the White House from the Trump family. Joe has already expressed his willingness to die multiple times in order to keep them out of here.”
“Wait, you’re willing to impeach the American people as voters?” a possibly stunned Blitzer asked. “Yes, if necessary,” the President
As president, I must do what I feel is in the best interests of our nation,” he explained. “If the American people elected ‘the Donald’ then I will be forced to take whatever actions I deem necessary.”
When questioned by Howard Stern, Trump seemed unconcerned by the President’s stance. “Don’t worry, we’ll get some of the second amendment people to sort him out pretty quickly.”
Sadiq Khan gets reprimanded by the Queen for his comments on Trump Queen Elizabeth is not putting up with Sadiq Khan’s rhetoric — and the media isn’t saying a word about it. While the far-left London mayor petitioned to have President Donald Trump’s UK visit cancelled, the Queen put his trivial outrage aside and invited the U.S. commander-in-chief anyway. Breitbart reports: On Monday, Press Secretary Sean Spicer confirmed that President Donald Trump’s UK visit was still on — and that he was personally invited by Queen Elizabeth. “[The president] appreciates Her Majesty’s
gracious invitation,” Spicer stated. Khan said there was “no reason to be alarmed” by an increased police presence in London following yet another terror attack on Saturday on the London Bridge. Trump tweeted about the mayor’s seemingly incongruous remark about the police presence in London following the attack. “Pathetic excuse by London Mayor Sadiq Khan who had to think fast on his ‘no reason to be alarmed’ statement,” Trump tweeted on Monday. “MSM is working hard to sell it!”
abcnews.com.co - 26 Mar 2016
Barack Obama Bans The Pledge Of Allegiance in schools Early this morning, President Obama made what could very well prove to be the most controversial move of his presidency with the signing of Executive Order 13738, which revokes the federal government’s official recognition of the Pledge of Allegiance. Under the new order, it is now illegal for any federally funded agency to display the pledge or for any federal employee to recite, or encourage others to recite, the pledge while on duty. This law also applies to federal contractors and other institutions that receive federal funding such as public schools. Individuals who violate this order can face fines of up to $10,000 and up to one yearin federal prison. During the press conference, the President explained his decision was based on a personal belief that the language used in the pledge is “divisive” and “contrary to America’s deepest held values.” “The pledge excludes so many Americans who are vital to making this country what it is,” Obama said. “Asking someone to pledge their allegiance to our country excludes Jehovah’s Witnesses, Amish, Muslims, and many others whose religious beliefs prohibit strong displays of nationalism. By calling this ‘one nation under God’, we exclude the millions of hard working atheists and agnostics who call America home. By saying ‘liberty and justice for all’, we ignore the grievances of millions of Hispanics, African Americans and Muslims who feel they have neither liberty nor justice.” Obama told reporters that he believes the inclusion of “under God” runs afoul of the First Amendment’s establishment clause. He summed up his press briefing by challenging congress to create a new pledge that more
accurately reflects America’s values. “I am willing to rescind my decision here today and allow the Pledge of Allegiance back into the schools if we can all agree on the creation of a new Pledge, something that is includes everyone’s beliefs and not just the belief of one nationality or faith.” Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has already offered her support of president Obama’s decree and has vowed to uphold the order if she wins in November’s general election. She echoed his concerns about the pledge’s language and suggested that the pledge’s mention of God sends the wrong message to America’s children. “I fully support the President and the decision that he has made here today. In January, when I take office as the next President of the United States, unless I see otherwise, I will do my best to uphold this new law and ensure that it stays in effect.” Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump did not mince words when voicing his contempt for the president’s order, referring to the president as an “illegitimate Muslim traitor.” “As a Christian nation, the Pledge of Allegiance helps our children be the greatest children out there, the best there is, greater than all the other children in this world combined. Obama, who founded ISIS by
the way, wants them not to be great, he wants them to be weak, and by banning the Pledge of Allegiance in our schools, he has proven that here today. This is the first step in many in his master plan to force Sharia law onto this great country of ours before he leaves office in January. We all must remember that this is one nation under God and not some guy and his beliefs in whatever he chooses to believe.” Sarah Bradley, a spokeswoman for Sock It Forward, a group that provides the homeless and those less fortunate with brand new socks, told ABC News that she approves of the ban. “When our children are forced to chant, ‘One nation under God‘, whose God are they referring to exactly?” Bradley said, “From birth, children are indoctrinated and subjected to mind control, efforts to shape them into the perfect beings that society wants them to be. The Pledge of Allegiance is just one of the many tools used in a child’s involuntary reeducation of basic beliefs and values.” Bradley continued, “Also, I just want to say a big thank you to everyone that has supported our cause in giving new socks to the homeless, it means so much. Please, donate what you can, every bit helps.”
Asking someone to pledge their allegiance to our country excludes Jehovah’s Witnesses, Amish, Muslims, and many others whose religious beliefs prohibit strong displays of nationalism. By calling this ‘one nation under God’, we exclude the millions of hard working atheists and agnostics who call America home. By saying ‘liberty and justice for all’, we ignore the grievances of millions of Hispanics, African Americans and Muslims who feel they have neither liberty nor justice.”
worldnewsdailyreport.com - 9 MAR 2016
SAUDI ARABIA: PANEL OF SCIENTISTS ADMITS WOMEN ARE MAMMALS, YET ‘NOT HUMAN’ In an unprecedented ruling, a panel of Saudi scientists has concluded that women are actually mammals, granting them the same rights as other mammal species such as camels, dromedaries and even goats. The verdict, which fell just hours before the International Women’s Day, is considered “historic” by some experts and advocacy groups for women’s rights. “It may seem too little, too late, but it is truly a milestone event for all women in the region,” explains Jane Austin, visibly excited. “This is a great leap forward for women’s rights in Saudi Arabia” – Jane Austin, Women’s Liberation Action Network “From now on, women will be considered as members of the mammal class, whereas before women shared the legal status of an object, similar to that of a home appliance,” she admits. Jillian Birch, spokeswoman at Amnesty International, said she is optimistic about the future as women will no longer be considered as “soulless objects” but as fully fledged mammals “Soulless objects” The recent verdict could completely upset all laws currently enforced in Saudi Arabia believes Jillian Birch, a spokeswoman at Amnesty International. “This verdict shows the incredible progress the women’s rights movement has made in the past 50 years,” she admitted in a press conference this morning.
“Finally, women will no longer be simply considered as objects without souls, but as full-fledged mammals, with the same rights as other animals of their species such as camels and goats,” she said, visibly emotional. “Women are still far from being considered 100% human, but their condition will improve drastically with this decision,” she firmly believes. An unprecedented verdict The verdict, which fell like a ton of bricks on the Saudi state, has clearly not found unanimous support amongst religious authorities and the political elite, concede experts. “It could create significant turmoil in the current legal state of affairs and the judiciary system of Saudi Arabia,” says political
analyst specialized in the Middle East, Anthony Bochstein. “If women previously had the same rights as a chair or a table and were seen more as individual property, they now have an equivalent status to certain animal species, and thus must receive, at the very least, feeding, watering and be conferred a minimum of attention and respect, which was not the case previously,” he explains. According to the expert panel that ruled on the matter, women are still devoid of a soul but have been shown to possess qualities common to the mammal species, which would explain their ability to procreate and breastfeed, as well as why they are equipped with seven cervical vertebrae, a characteristic unique to the mammal species.
apost.com - 29 Oct 2017
FLI News 2016: Hillary Clinton Believes Planet X ‘Nibiru’ Exists, Wikileaks Confirms! Lately Wikileaks launched an email which came from from Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager’s Gmail account which detailed a mythical doom planet Nibiru and the evidence that it exists, the latest in FLI news. There are claims for countless years about the existence of a mysterious and massive celestial body referred to as Nibiru and it is believed to be hidden away in our solar system. It is present in such an orbit which passes near to earth in every 3,600 years.
He included, “Only a few months ago NASA has admitted the possibility of a mysterious ninth planet in the orbit and according to NASA’s charts there is an evidence of the existence of Planet X and it is just a matter of time before they find it.”
The dimension of this planet and the gravitational pull is so massive that it can trigger havoc on our Earth when it passes consistent with claims. It can trigger volcano eruptions and can result in earthquakes as it passes. Based on FLI, this concept came on limelight in January when NASA declared the discovery of a new Planet Nine in our solar system which is almost ten times bigger than our Earth.
Nibiru cataclysm is a supposed disastrous encounter between the Earth and a large planetary object (either a collision or a near-miss) which certain groups believe will take place in the early 21st century. Believers in this doomsday event usually refer to this object as Planet X or Nibiru. The idea that a planetsized object will collide with or closely pass by Earth in the near future is not supported by any scientific evidence and has been rejected as pseudoscience and
The conspiracy theory states that the threat of Nibiru is acknowledged by all the major leaders of the world but they are not disclosing this secret since they fear the loss of control over the populations if they come to realize about this danger. The conjecture about Nibiru being real has gone strong among the conspiracy theorists due this email to Hillary Clinton. Scott C Waring, the chief editor at UFO Sightings Daily has published his views about the email sent to Clinton from Podesta. He has affirmed that there is a lot of sense in this data because why would a nonsense information be forwarded to Clinton’s email.
an Internet hoax by astronomers and planetary scientists.
Sumerian, Akkadian, Assyrian, and Babylonian).
Chemtrail conspiracy theory is an unproven suspicion that long-lasting trails, so-called “chemtrails”, are left in the sky by high-flying aircraft and that they consist of chemical or biological agents deliberately sprayed for sinister purposes undisclosed to the general public. Believers in the theory argue that normal contrails dissipate relatively quickly and that contrails that do not dissipate must contain additional substances. These arguments have been dismissed by the scientific community: such trails are normal water-based contrails (condensation trails) that are routinely left by high-flying aircraft under certain atmospheric conditions. Although proponents have attempted to prove that the claimed chemical spraying does take place, their analyses have been flawed or based on misconceptions.
As a conspiracy theory, the term New World Order or NWO refers to the emergence of a totalitarian world government.
The Anunnaki (also transcribed as: Anunaki, Anunna, Anunnaku, Ananaki and other variations) are a group of deities in ancient Mesopotamian cultures (i.e.,
The common theme in conspiracy theories about a New World Order is that a secretive power elite with a globalist agenda is conspiring to eventually rule the world through an authoritarian world government—which will replace sovereign nationstates—and an all-encompassing propaganda whose ideology hails the establishment of the New World Order as the culmination of history’s progress. Many influential historical and contemporary figures have therefore been purported to be part of a cabal that operates through many front organizations to orchestrate significant political and financial events, ranging from causing systemic crises to pushing through controversial policies, at both national and international levels, as steps in an ongoing plot to achieve world domination.
Before the early 1990s, New World Order conspiracy was limited to two American countercultures, primarily the militantly anti-government right and secondarily that part of fundamentalist Christianity concerned with the end-time emergence of the Antichrist. Skeptics such as Michael Barkun and Chip Berlet observed that right-wing populist conspiracy theories about a New World Order had not only been embraced by many seekers of stigmatized knowledge but had seeped into popular culture, thereby inaugurating a period during the late 20th and early 21st centuries in the United States where people were actively preparing for apocalyptic millennial scenarios. Those political scientists were concerned that mass hysteria could have what they judged to be devastating effects on American political life, ranging from escalating lonewolf terrorism to the rise to power of authoritarian alt-right demagogues.
The onions - 14 OCT 2012
Kim Jong-Un Named The Onion’s Sexiest Man Alive For 2012 The Onion is proud to announce that North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un, 29, has officially been named the newspaper’s Sexiest Man Alive for the year 2012. that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper’s editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile.
With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyangbred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true. Blessed with an air of power
“He has that rare ability to somehow be completely adorable and completely macho at the same time,” Onion Style and Entertainment editor Marissa Blake-Zweibel said. “And that’s the quality that makes him the sort of man women want, and men want to be. He’s a real hunk with real intensity who also knows how to cut loose and let his hair down.” Added Blake-Zweibel, “Ri Sol-ju is one lucky lady, that’s for sure!”
The Onion’s commemorative “Sexiest Man Alive”.
He has that rare ability to somehow be completely adorable and completely macho at the same time,”
Palestinians recognize Texas as part of Mexico JERUSALEM – In response to US President Donald Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the Israeli capital, the Palestinian National Authority has announced that it will recognize Texas as a state of Mexico since it was violently annexed by the United States in the 1840s. “The territory north and east of the Rio Grande is very important to the Mexican people,” explained
a PNA spokesperson. “Before American settlers showed up and implemented slavery, Mexico oversaw this land. Then, President Polk sent his armies to invade the rest of these Mexican territories, and force the country to give up California, New Mexico, most of Arizona, Nevada, and Utah, and parts of Wyoming and Colorado. We may soon recognize these states as part of Mexico too.”
The oninons - 29 Apr 2012
Congress Threatens To Leave D.C. Unless New Capitol Is Built
This is just the kind of thing we need to stay competitive in today’s lawmaking environment,”
WASHINGTON, DC—Calling the current U.S. Capitol “inadequate and obsolete,” Congress will relocate to Charlotte or Memphis if its demands for a new, state-of-the-art facility are not met, leaders announced Monday. An architectural firm’s proposal for a new retractable-dome capitol. “Don’t get us wrong: We love the drafty old building,” Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert (R-IL) said. “But the hard reality is, it’s no longer suitable for a worldclass legislative branch. The sight lines are bad, there aren’t enough concession stands or bathrooms, and the parking is miserable. It hurts to say, but the capitol’s time has come and gone.” “If we want to stay competitive, we need to upgrade,” said House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt (D-MO), who has proposed a new $3.5 billion capitol on the site of the current edifice. “Look at British Parliament. Look at the Vatican. Respected institutions in their markets. But without modern facilities, they’ve been having big problems attracting top talent.”
Its cornerstone laid in 1793 by President Washington, the capitol has been built, rebuilt, extended, and restored countless times over the past 209 years. Legislators say another multimillion-dollar renovation is not an acceptable alternative to a new building. “How many times can you put a fresh coat of paint over an old, broken-down horse?” asked Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), co-chair of the Senate Relocation Subcommittee. “We need a building that befits our status as the nation’s number-one democratically elected legislative body. And if D.C. isn’t willing to provide that, I can think of plenty of other cities that would be more than happy to.” Hastert addresses reporters. The leading candidates for a possible congressional relocation are Charlotte and Memphis, both of which have long sought a
major organization to raise their national profile. San Francisco civic leaders have also lobbied hard, offering to finance a $4 billion Pac Bell Capitol Building using a combination of private corporate funds (40 percent), a county sales tax (35 percent), and a local cigarette tax (25 percent). Dallas, Seattle, and Toronto have also been mentioned as long shots. Demonstrating its commitment to “stay in Washington if at all possible,” Congress has invited more than a dozen architectural firms to submit proposals for a new D.C. capitol. Among the early favorites is the ambitiously titled “Halls Of Power,” a retrofuturistic design by the Kansas City architectural firm of Hellmuth, Obata, and Kassabaum. The Halls Of Power would feature a retractable rotunda for daytime sessions, a Dancing Waters fountain in the front courtyard, and 55 more luxury boxes than the current building. “This is just the kind of thing we need to stay competitive in today’s lawmaking environment,” said agent Barry Halperin, who represents many prominent government officials, including Sen. Jim Jeffords (I-VT) and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. “Washington can no longer afford to ignore the fact that visitor attendance has dropped every year since 1989. Our elected officials don’t like coming to this building and, clearly, neither do their constituents.”
Barack Obama ‘Tiger Beat’ Cover Clinches Slumber Party Vote WASHINGTON— According to a poll released Monday by Teen Zogby!, both Barack Obama’s approval and dreaminess ratings among slumber party–attending tweens have risen to 82 percent following last week’s publication of the Tiger Beat cover pictorial “Hangin’ With Barack!” “Barack is sooooo hot!” said 12-year-old Tiger Beat subscriber Beth Majors upon reading the issue, which included a “supercute” poster of
Obama leaning against the Lincoln Memorial and an interview in which he revealed that his most inspirational hero is “you.” “He so totally has my support. Obama in ‘08!” Obama is expected to remain a solid favorite with the giggling-andtalking-until-4 a.m. voting bloc, as hunky war hero John McCain, his closest contender, is widely considered by the slumber party demographic to be a gross dork.
“I’m sure the CIA played major roles in all these things,” Goss said. “But now we’ll never know for sure.”
There was probably some really, really important information in these documents.”
The oninons - 30 nov 2015
CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years LANGLEY, VA—A report released Tuesday by the CIA’s Office of the Inspector General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters. According to the report, sections of the documents— “almost invariably the most crucial passages”—are marred by an indelible black ink that renders the lines impossible to read, due to a top-secret highlighting policy that began at the agency’s inception in 1947. CIA Director Porter Goss has ordered further internal investigation. “Why did it go on for this long,
and this far?” said Goss in a press conference called shortly after the report’s release. “I’m as frustrated as anyone. You can’t read a single thing that’s been highlighted. Had I been there to advise [former CIA director] Allen Dulles, I would have suggested the traditional yellow color—or pink.” Goss added: “There was probably some really, really important information in these
documents.” When asked by a reporter if the black ink was meant to intentionally obscure, Goss countered, “Good God, why?” Goss lamented the fact that the public will probably never know the particulars of such historic events as the Cold War, the civilrights movement, or the growth of the international drug trade.
In addition to clouding the historical record, the use of the black highlighters, also known as “permanent markers,” may have encumbered or even prevented critical operations. CIA scholar Matthew Franks was forced to abandon work on a book about the Bay Of Pigs invasion after declassified documents proved nearly impossible to read. “With all the highlighting in the documents I unearthed in the National Archives, it’s really no wonder that the invasion failed,” Franks said. “I don’t see how the field operatives and commandos were expected to decipher their
orders.” The inspector general’s report cited in particular the damage black highlighting did to documents concerning the assassination of John F. Kennedy, thousands of pages of which “are completely highlighted, from top to bottom margin.” “It is unclear exactly why CIA bureaucrats sometimes chose to emphasize entire documents,” the report read. “Perhaps the documents were extremely important in every detail, or the agents, not unlike college freshmen, were overwhelmed by the reading material and got a little carried away.” Also unclear is why black highlighters were chosen in the first place. Some blame it on the closed, elite culture of the CIA itself. A former CIA officer speaking on the condition of anonymity said highlighting documents with black pens was a common and universal practice. “It seemed counterintuitive, but the higher-ups didn’t know what they were doing,” the ex-officer said. “I was once ordered to feed documents into a copying machine in order to make backups of some very important top-secret records, but it turned out to be some sort of device that cut the paper to shreds.”
K h S
f f i B u t h h
b m E s t t a d
abcnews.com.co - 30 Dec 2015
House Dems Moved To Implement First Sharia Law While You Weren’t Looking While we were busy celebrating the Christmas holiday, House Democrats introduced a dangerous resolution that threatens to strip us of basic rights in our nation’s first major step towards Sharia law. On December 17, Democrat Congressmen quietly sponsored House Resolution 569, a resolution that asks lawmakers to condemn “violence, bigotry, and hateful rhetoric towards Muslims in the United States.” The resolution specifically mentions Muslims, no other religious groups, and will serve as a test by which further criminalizing of “Islamophobia” may be introduced. Democrats have shamelessly lumped together “hate speech”
Whereas this Muslim community is recognized as having made innumerable contributions to the cultural and economic fabric and well-being of United States society”
with “violence” in an effort to compare criticism of Islam to physically harming Muslims. H. Res. 569 threatens to restrict our right to even report facts that tarnish Islam’s reputation, a law that all Sharia-governed countries already have in place. According to Congress.gov, the resolution reads: “Now, therefore, be it resolved, that the House of Representatives denounces in the strongest terms the increase of hate speech, intimidation, violence, vandalism, arson, and other hate crimes targeted against mosques, Muslims, or those perceived to be Muslim; urges local and Federal law enforcement authorities to work to prevent hate crimes; and to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law those perpetrators of hate crimes” Muslims are slaughtering innocent people more than any other religious groups combined, all while refusing as a whole to condemn this barbaric Islamic terrorism, yet we are working to ensure these silent, consenting “moderates” have special protection — protection that they have never allowed religious minorities in their own countries. In another passage, Democrats laughably purport that Muslims have contributed to the fabric of American society, but we’re assuming they don’t mean terrorist attacks on U.S. soil, countless frivolous CAIR lawsuits, whitewashed Islamic education in public schools, or whining about pork products and a lack of
taxpayer-funded prayer rooms. “Whereas this Muslim community is recognized as having made innumerable contributions to the cultural and economic fabric and well-being of United States society” Still, the bill is purposefully vague in that it mentions prosecuting the perpetrators of “hate speech,” yet gives no definition for what it considers hate speech. Of course, we who have spoken out about the intolerant fundamentals of Islam understand that this means uttering anything critical of Islam or its followers, regardless of facts or relevance to the Quran. In conclusion, the bill ridiculously compares criticizing Islam as a violation of Muslims’ “civil rights,” as if disagreeing or even openly mocking someone’s beliefs is unconstitutional. Our forefathers had exactly political and religious mockery in mind when they penned our amendments, having experience the violation of limited speech and worship by their own King George III. Indeed, free speech was never intended to defend inoffensive speech, because inoffensive speech needs no protection. Freedom of speech is solely for the offensive, meant to prevent those who would limit it because of their opposing beliefs. We are witnessing the very implementation of Sharia law as it has always been established
Trump Picks El Chapo to Run D.E.A. ust days after picking Betsy DeVos to run the Department of Education, President-elect Donald Trump has tapped another wealthy outsider by naming Joaquín Guzmán, known as “El Chapo,” to head the Drug Enforcement Administration. In an official statement, Trump said that El Chapo’s “tremendous success in the private sector” showed that he has what it takes to “shake things up” at the D.E.A. Trump’s appointment of the former drug lord surprised many in Washington, in no small part because acrimony between the two allegedly prompted El Chapo, in 2015, to put a hundred-million-dollar bounty on Trump’s head.
in every modern-day Islamic country. Of course they wouldn’t start by legalizing the execution of homosexuals or mandating the hijab for every woman, because we wouldn’t accept being forced to adopt full Sharia right off the bat. You can’t cook a frog by placing him in scalding water — he’ll jump out. However, you can slowly increase the temperature until he is boiling before he ever knew the water was uncomfortable. Once we’ve lost our freedom
But, appearing on CNN, the Trump surrogate Kellyanne Conway said that the selection of El Chapo should surprise no one. “Mr. Trump always said that he would surround himself with the best people,” she said. When asked why Trump had readily offered a job to El Chapo while still mulling the fate of another former adversary, Mitt Romney, Conway said, “El Chapo might not have voted for Mr. Trump, but that’s because he’s Mexican and in jail, and Mitt Romney is neither.” The appointment of the former drug kingpin is far from a done deal, however, as associates of El Chapo report that he is “concerned” that being a member of the Trump Administration would be bad for his brand.
of speech, all our other freedoms will follow suit. This is wellknown and intended by the Muslim community, the majority of whom admit to wanting Sharia law. The only way to stop them from infringing upon our speech is to use it. Now more than ever, we must speak out against this stealth jihad and fascism that seeks to overthrow our Constitution for a religious and political legislature, lest we substitute one tyrant of old for new ones.