Lincoln’s premier source for satirical and alternative news.
A bi-weekly placemat
August 14, 2012
Volume 7, Issue 0
Downtown Beautification Project Brings Attention to Capital
Raising the bar
Construction workers begin “Main Scaping” project by trimming the hedges to improve spectator viewership.
Story by Mitch Mccann photo by mitch mccann Following a town hall meeting earlier this week, Governor Dave Heineman unveiled to local taxpayers an innovative new landscaping project planned for the Centennial Mall, the park space located between the University campus and the capitol building. “In an effort to improve the overall appearance of the capitol building and its outlying areas, plans have been set in motion to trim back the brush and other miscellaneous blem-
ishes that have made the area an eyesore for both newcomers and long-standing patrons for some time.” said Downtown Rejuvenation Project Manager Pete Benson. During his announcement, Gov. Heineman went on record as saying the project was “purely aesthetic” and would provide “an ideal and pristine entryway to our capitol.” The newly appointed Benson sat down with the Dailyer to explain his very own blueprints
for the upcoming conception. “The renovation plan is wellrounded. We’ve come at this thing from every angle, including proper lighting and longterm maintenance involved with taking on a project load of this magnitude.” Many members in the community have taken issue with the project, however, and do not believe that any maintenance on the area is necessary. Such complaints have been addressed by Benson and his
seeds. 7 / Summer Festivals Local
Chancellor Perlman Planning Own Surprise Birthday Party
team, citing the city’s ordinance that the State Capitol must be the tallest building in Lincoln. “By hedging and repurposing the overgrown brush in the Downtown area it will make the surrounding area appear larger and more conducive to pedestrian traffic.” said Benson “One look at our trimmed lawns and shiny new strip and you won’t be able to take your eyes off our Capitol. The way the legislature would have always wanted.”
seeds. 12 / Girl Talk National
Well-Hung Texan Serial Killer Becomes Well-Hanged Texan Serial Killer
Gay Son Neutralized
Dailyer 2 The Dailyer Staff Editor-in-Chief Mitch McCann firstname.lastname@example.org Assistant Editor Christina Mayer email@example.com Design Editor Katie Justman firstname.lastname@example.org Entertainment Editor Daniel Stier
Assistant Ent. Editor Gabe Potter email@example.com Managing Editor Dan Shattil firstname.lastname@example.org Publications Board Adam Morfeld email@example.com Advertising firstname.lastname@example.org Writers Greg Bright Catherine Larsen Mitch McCann Grace Mortensen Gabriel Potter Matt Sueper Dan Stier Nick Teets Design Natalia Kraviec Art Jon Love Adviser Don Walton email@example.com Mission The object of the Dailyer Nebraskan is to provide the students of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln with a humorous alternative to the Daily Nebraskan. The Dailyer Nebraskan is meant to be a satirical and at times radical news zine in a false or comical light, while simultaneously featuring “ serious” entertainment reviews, interviews, etc. Got something to say? You think we suck? Tell us. You think we’re awesome? Do go on. Contact the Dailyer Nebraskan at dailyernebraskan@gmail. com. Send your thoughts, input, insults, compliments and love. We need it.
August 14, 2012
Who we are
the editors’ rag Readers, In the spirit of a summer of reboots, we, The Editors of The DailyER Nebraskan and Seeds. Entertainment, come to you hat in hand to ask for your humble allegiance. Our paper -- no, your paper -- is changing. We’ve left those awkward tween years behind and are beginning to come into our own. Our teachers made us read 1984 and Sartre and Catcher In The Rye and dag nabbit if we haven’t got something to say about it. The DailyER as a whole is going to look and feel the same to you folks, but as reboots are wont to do, the direction will
be entirely our own. While maintaining the quality of writing (or lack thereof) and appearance that you have come to know and love, we hope to make a playground out of this newspaper. For this, we shall need your help. As always, your feedback is encouraged, good or bad. The readers are the most crucial part of any periodical -- and you just happen to be the luckiest of them all. The DailyER is your newspaper. We encourage you to submit your thoughtprovoking comments and criticisms, or even join the staff yourself. Think you
are funnier than us? Come to a meeting. Want to cover concerts and festivals? Direct short videos, write witty stories, or learn to maintain a website? Run a marketing campaign, take photos, edit people’s grammatical errors or design advertisements? We’ll be in the City Union every Monday and Wednesday at 8:30 for the foreseeable future. With you at our sides, our paper will continue to thrive. Keep in mind, your new Editors, Mitch McCann and Daniel Stier, are in a transitionary period. Our paper is growing fast-
er than ever thanks to you, our loyal readership. We’ve already launched our first t-shirt design made available to the adoring public (that would be you) and we’re stacked with high quality celebrity and artist interviews that we know you’ll enjoy (thank Seeds.). So keep an eye peeled on our little-satirerag-that-could. We’re on the facebooks. And the tweeters. We’ve got an intsagram thingy because our nephew told us to. We are poised to have the most successful year in DailyER history, won’t you join us?
Mitch McCann Daniel Stier Editor-in-Chief Entertainment Editor Dailyer Nebraskan Seeds. Entertainment
the dailyer nebraskan
These are the rules outlining the ethical and moral responsibilities and proper practices for staff members of UNL’s Alternative News Source. The Dailyer Nebraskan is meant to be a satirical and at times radical news zine, presenting current news in a false or comical light, while simultaneously featuring ‘’serious’’ entertainment reviews, interviews, etc. Due to the nature of social satire — indefinite in regard to standards of approbation — The Dailyer Nebraskan and the Publications Board of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln have deemed it necessary to adopt a code of conduct.
CODE OF CONDUCT
The following is a list of standards characterizing what is and what is not suitable for publication in The Dailyer Nebraskan:
in the situations described above. • Nudity shall be limited to the hind side of an individual; however, photos of individuals • No editing or wearing clothing that cleaning up of accentuates other areas of language shall occur when the body are acceptable but conducting a true interview to be used sparingly and in (Entertainment Section). good taste. We believe that editing • The Dailyer Nebraskan one’s language skews the shall not be a biased, reader’s perception of the subjective or partisan interviewee. newspaper. It will strive at • The use of profanity all times to cover all issues in satirical news articles shall and all groups equally. not occur unless its usage • All university officials, bears an intended effect on administrators and faculty the meaning of the article. members are liable to be • No limits shall be cited and/or quoted placed on the strength of incorrectly in satirical language used. All words news articles written by considered profane are on members of The Dailyer an equal playing field, but Nebraskan; however, stories none are to be used unless must be overtly bogus in
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order to dispel any beliefs that information within the articles is in any way true. • Being a satirical news zine, The Dailyer Nebraskan may, at times, offend target groups and therefore bears the responsibility of being criticized as anti-(insert group here). One goal of The Dailyer Nebraskan is to be known as “fair in its offenses,” meaning that no one group shall bear the brunt of the joke. • The Dailyer Nebraskan shall follow the AP Style Guide. • The Dailyer Nebraskan shall follow all rules set forth by the UniversityWide Student Publications Committee’s Guidelines for the Student Press-Revised Edition.
Volume 7, Issue 0
Campus & Local
Report: Four Out of Five Ex-Girlfriends Are “The Worst” By Matt Sueper Dailyer Nebraskan
photo illustration by mitch mccann The trek begins as a group of campus panhandlers start the long journey to Eastern Campus
Caravan of Homeless Men Begins Journey to East Campus By Greg Bright Dailyer Nebraskan
A brave group of homeless men, led by ‘That Black One Who Always Asks to Use Your Cell Phone in the Library’ began the perilous journey from City Campus to East Campus Monday morning in search of better food rations and abandoned beer cans with “more than a few fucking drops left in them.” “We’re tired of the shitty Amigo’s tacos that the students didn’t even want to shove in their fat fucking mouths,” said ‘The One Who Always Hangs Out in
Front of Andrews Hall.’ “It’s time we got some real food in our bodies, like I don’t know, corn or something. I heard they grow an endless amount of corn on East Campus, and they don’t even care if you take some. It’s like paradise.” The journey had been delayed over the summer to avoid the extreme heat of July and August, according to the multitude of homeless men that hang out around the Westbrook Music Hall. Though the journey has been taken before, none
of the survivors were able to tell their story without bursting into tears. ‘That One With the Grey Beard’ was only able to mumble a few words before burying his head in his hands and yelling that the men “must be stopped” before it is too late. As of the Monday afternoon, the caravan had made it all the way across City Campus to the Devaney Center parking lot, where they found an abandoned, unopened 24-pack of Keystone Light and decided it was as good a place as any to set up camp.
In the latest poll from Johns Hopkins University, ex-girlfriends in the United States have been labeled “the worst” in an overwhelming majority. The new statistics are a rise from 2008’s findings that determined 70% of ex-girlfriends were “bitches.” The Johns Hopkins study interviewed one thousand men recently out of relationships and the consensus was that their ex-girlfriends sucked. Over 800 of the 1000 ex-boyfriends said their previous female counterparts were indeed “the worst.” The remaining participants surveyed either were still in love with their former lovers or had plans to kill them in their sleep. This was discovered in a ratio of 100:89. “Some of the majority 80% did, however, show inclinations of extreme hatred toward their ex partners which included legitimate, and rather
alarming, plans for termination of their former significant other.” said Rupert Franklin, head of research at Johns Hopkins University “Those results were typical for the .89% minority that harbored malicious and deeply resentful attitudes following their respective break-ups.” Several critics of the study have asserted it was conducted at a disadvantageous time for both sides. “One error in this poll might be its timing. The results were sampled a mere two days after “The Notebook” marathon that ran on ABC Family...” continued Franklin “A different study already determined the correlation of hating your ex and watching “The Notebook,” but whether or not the results of this poll were marred by the fantastical love story played out by Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams remains to be seen.”
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Every Resident of North Bottoms Arrested By Jacob Fricke Dailyer Nebraskan
Each and every resident of the North Bottoms, a neighborhood adjacent to the University of Nebraska - Lincoln campus, was arrested Sunday. Following what was recorded by 911 operators as “the usual suspicious behavior,” Lincoln police received no fewer than 445 calls from residents about the neighborhood residents’ behavior. The arrests began with a 12:11 a.m. call for a domestic disturbance and finally ceased at 11:30 p.m. the following evening with a detainment for public in-
toxication. Other reported incidents included several counts of public indecency, resisting arrest, and possession of an unlicensed crossbow. “As tumbleweeds blew and stray dogs wandered, no drunk college students or elderly couples could be seen.” said Police Chief Jim Peschong “A job well done if I may say so myself.” The Bottoms were estimated to be completely empty for nearly 4 hours, until early Monday morning when several landlords were spotted banging on doors looking for rent money.
The Dailyer & Seeds. are seeking individuals who don’t know any better with a knack for random bouts of wit and dying industries to:
Those interested should seek immediate psychological attention and then email firstname.lastname@example.org for further details.
August 14, 2012
Velma’s New Contact Lenses Boost Mystery-Solving Efficiency By Beau Poehlman Dailyer Nebraskan
Photo by Mitch McCann
Faulty Car Seat Leads To Infant Landspeed World Record By Mitch McCann Dailyer Nebraskan
Sears Roebuck & Co. announced earlier this month that a particular brand of car seats had been malfunctioning, urging customers to return them immediately. The news came too late for Brandon and Sheena Dodson however, as the Lincoln couple did not hear the announcement and placed eight month old Kyle in the defective car seat in the back seat of their midsized SUV. “I couldn’t believe my eyes” said a stunned Mr. Dodson “the red Chevy came out of nowhere, and next thing
I know, my son is soaring straight through our windshield.” Local police chief Vernon Crier was first on the scene and described the event. “Somewhat fortunately for the child, the accident occurred at such break-neck speed that the windshield stood no chance against the sheer force of a propelled infant and as he cut through the glass like butter, travelling at what we estimate was around 1,000 feet per second until he landed among the brush around half a mile from the site of the crash.” “I thought my baby was
Casual Relationship Goes Facebook By Greg Bright Dailyer Nebraskan
A ‘mutual friend’ of both Steven Johnson and Brittany Banks is confirming that, as of 10:17 pm last night, the couple has taken the next step in their relationship and begun officially dating on Facebook. The couple had remained officially unattached previously, as far as the internet was concerned. “Brittany was always telling me this was just a casual fling... and Steven, well, we never thought he’d settle down,” the mutual friend, who asked to remain anonymous, reported.
“Let’s just say this has been a shock for all of us.” The surprise announcement hit Johnson’s mother the hardest as she has “absolutely no idea who this [Banks] person is.” Other family members and mutual acquaintances echoed her statement. “He never mentioned her when I called,” Johnson’s mother said. “If he really cared about her he would have told me.” The couple was unavailable for comment, and, according to the mutual friend, “probably doing things they wouldn’t want to share online.”
a goner. I was hysterical, but even with all the adrenaline coursing through my veins I got pretty winded as I was running to where he was. My baby went so far we thought we’d surely missed him a few times.” said Dodson “It wasn’t until we got him home from the hospital that we got the message from the Guinness [Book of World Records] people that our little guy had broken the record.” continued Mr. Dodson “I mean, luckily Kyle was okay, but it’s not every day you get to hear something sweet like that... Sheena still made me return the car seat though”
Recent developments within the Scooby-Doo and the Mystery Incorporated gang have nothing to do with sweeter Scooby Snacks or less criminals, but they could mark the era of a more productive team of mystery solvers. After decades of hesitation, Velma Dinkley is experiencing a revolutionary turn in the way she sees the world. Dinkley now handles her nearsightedness with prescription contact lenses. For years, Dinkley’s investigation performance was hindered by her tendency to lose her corrective glasses. This resulted in many instances of villains almost getting an upper hand. “The Creeper and the Ghost of Elias Kingston,” Dinkley recalls, “were two memorable foes that would have been caught sooner, had I not been distracted with crawling on all fours trying to find the glasses that fell off my face.” After numerous blunders like these, and a short series of failures with eyeglass cords, the baggy-sweatshirtdonning detective decided it
was time to scrap the spectacles. Since the switch to contacts, targets pursued by Mystery Inc. have been arrested sooner than ever before. “Velma’s prescription is keeping her in the game, allowing us to track down crooks of all shapes and sizes,” said co-detective Fred Jones. “As an added bonus, the absence of glasses makes Velma comparable to Daphne in the hotness department. Just thinking about Velma is alluring. Jinkies, is it warm in here to you too? My ascot must be on too tight.” Another co-detective, Shaggy Rogers, said, “Overall morale inside the Mystery Machine has gone up without Velma’s glasses. Scooby and I are eating more celebratory Scooby Snacks. We wouldn’t have it any other way.” “With my quick wit and reliable eyesight, now we actually possess enough skill as a team to arrest wrongdoers before they have the chance to find a kooky costume,” said Dinkley. “Not chasing an awful monster cuts out a lot of the nonsense from the old days of mystery-solving.”
Japanese Scientists Synthesize Poop-Flavored Burger By Robert Jellison Dailyer Nebraskan
Last Friday, a team of scientists at a Tokyo research center announced that they had discovered a way to synthesize meat from human feces. According to their press release, it is “functionally and nutritionally identical to hamburger”, with the single caveat that “it still tastes kind of like poop.” “The ramifications of this are huge,” said head of research Matsuro Nishimura, delivering the announcement with no apparent shame. Even going so far as to grin, displaying glittering white
teeth that, at some point in the past, had actually bitten into his lab’s creation. “This could provide a source of cheap meat -- food for entire starving nations. “This is an amazing step forward,” he added. “This may be the greatest innovation in history to ever taste like poop.” In recognition of the impact his lab’s discovery may have on the worldwide food crisis, the DailyER conducted a poll of lower-income families in Bangladesh, a chronically poor country plagued by famine. When asked if they would “eat a poop burger,” 27% of respon-
dents answered “no,” 30% answered “absolute no”, and the remaining 43% answered “boga khaa,” which is Bengali for “no.” When questioned whether citizens of these impoverished countries would eat something made of feces, Nishimura responded that they should “just get the hell over it already.” “There are two choices here -- starvation, or the poopburger. This is the way to the future” he continued “That’s what we’re thinking of calling, it, by the way -- the poopburger. What do you think, guys? Pretty appetizing! Did we nail it?”
Volume 7, Issue 0
Realistically, a Seven Nation Army Could Hold Me Back Jack White Hard Rocker
It takes a lot of courage to admit that you’ve been living a lie. A lot of courage, but possibly more cowardice. I am a coward. For almost ten years now, my life has been based on a lie. The one song that every-
one knew me for was based on misinformation, arrogance, and reckless overconfidence. This secret led me to completely lose my soul. It ruined the relationship with my ex wife, it destroyed my band and creativity, and it created the Dead Weather. Best not go there. However, I have been told that admitting my faults are the first steps to recovers. So, here I go: Seven Nation Army, the White Stripes most famous song, is a lie. Realistically, an army made of seven nations would be more than sufficient to stop me. I’m just one man. Regardless of my desire, which I can assure you is considerable, it is inconceivable that an army consisting of the unified forces united in my destruction could fail. Even if infighting were prevalent, I’m a blues guitarist. I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover.
Maybe Meg was right. Back when she was writing that song, along with the rest of the Elephant album, back in 2002, the original lyric was “a seven nation army could, without doubt, stop my progress.” But I was arrogant. I said “couldn’t hold me back” fit in better with the tempo. And, for the first and last time in my career, Meg listened to me. That fateful decision has haunted me ever since. Honestly, even admitting it just now didn’t help. This is bad. This is really bad. This is “Die by the Drop” bad. My eccentric style? Stolen from the 70s. My guitar playing? Stolen from the 30s. My success, worldwide adoration, and record label? That was all just luck. The largest triumph in my life isn’t real.What is a man to do from here? I miss you, Meg.
Bad Things Only Happen Every 2,000 Feet or So Campus Police
After what we’re gonna go ahead and call “exhaustive research” the University of Nebraska - Lincoln Campus Police have determined beyond a certainty of a doubt that bad things; including but not limited to, sexual harassment, robbery, scared white girls, and many other nefarious deeds only happen about every 2,00 feet or so. Campus Police installed
those emergency poles for one reason and one reason only: because our bosses made us. You think we honestly WANT to make a mad dash to a random part of East Campus at 2 AM because some drunk townie thinks he’s sooooo damn funny? Not quite. How many times do you think those buttons have been pushed because of an actually, life-threatening emergency? Like, five times, tops. The University Campus Police are under the official opinion that our UNL Alert Emergency Protocol Stations, which we will be tailoring back from 50 to 42, are of little service to our students, because as we’ve previously explained, bad stuff just doesn’t really happen that often. If you think about it, Lincoln’s a pretty safe place to live. If someone were to get mugged, you would hope they’d have the physical ability
to sprint a few thousand feet and push a button. A couple hundred extra steps never hurt anybody. Before you get all high-andmighty on me, I think it’s important to point out that some of the Alert Poles don’t even work anyway and we haven’t heard of any problems. When we last did a sweep in... August? I think it was? There were a few with a busted light or gum over the button or they were just plain out of service and we have yet to receive a single complaint. Not a one. You don’t know what it’s like to be on the job, okay. You’ve never seen the things that I’ve seen. And you know what? I haven’t seen much. Clearly there just aren’t that many people lurking around with a chip on their shoulder out to rough up a couple of sophomores walking home from Qdoba on a Saturday night. So chillax.
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Horoscopes Virgo Aug. 23-Sept. 22 Car troubles may be getting you down, but lucky for you, a car won’t get you anywhere in downtown Lincoln. Libra Sept. 23-Oct. 22 You will meet a short, plump stranger. Your move. Scorpio Oct. 23-Nov. 21 No one regrets that outfit more than you. It was a close call, but still. Sagittarius Nov. 22-Dec. 21 There’s something about your Drakkar Noir/ AXE body spray combo that just doesn’t quite say “trust me with your lady parts.” Capricorn Dec. 22-Jan. 19 Homophobic chicken companies are just the latest in a long line of intolerant fast food chains. Like Hardees’ refusal to serve anyone under 250 lbs. Aquarius Jan. 20-Feb. 18 You know those ridiculous plastic packages you have to cut to pieces with scissors to open? Yeah, your wedding reception was kind of like that. Pisces Feb. 19-March 20 If at first you don’t succeed, that shit’s probably rigged. Aries March 21-April 19 That Film Studies major will get you places. Most of those are just porn theatres, though. Taurus April 20-May 20 Take a moment out of your day to do something for your fellow man. That back acne isn’t going to pop itself. Gemini May 21-June 21 Stop stressing and treat yourself, no one ever really pays attention to MCAT scores anyway. Cancer June 22-July 22 Remember: the police are only as perceptive as you are intoxicated. Leo July 23-August 22 An effort to impress your neighbor will turn relations sour. Turns out not everyone appreciates the intricacies of blasting Rick Ross at four in the morning.
The Dailyest Event calendar seeds. 8
Summer fun cont’d seeds. 11
Lincoln’s source for alternative entertainment news
By Jacob Zlomke Seeds.
By Dan Stier Seeds.
There are no rules here, there are no inhibitions. There is no sense that your actions are being monitored by any person. You do not go home at night, or to a hotel. Not even half the people leave at the end of each day of shows. You are part of over 25,000 people camping in the same circular irrigation field for four days in the middle of nowhere, Washington State. You are part of one of the best kept secrets of music festivals, an American festival for Canadians to call their own, Sasquatch. Every Memorial Day weekend, madness converges onto The Gorge in George. As Canadians, Portlanders, Seattleites, Montanans, and Californians make their way to the Gorge you can feel the energy building. From the excitement of bass heads to chill bros from Vancouver, down to the static coming from the empty stages waiting for their first soundcheck, energy is building. Lines of cars waiting to get in the one single entrance that then splits you into a myriad of lines of chaos only gets you more excited for the biggest party you will ever attend in your life. That first night; no shows, no curfew, no police, no time to care because that Red Bull rave van is parked right in your campsite and thousands of people are streaming around you and knocking over your tiki torches.
Continued on Page 10
Pitchfork Media plays a unique role in contemporary alternative music. The webzine--hosting news, interviews, reviews and more--has managed to give itself a dual, somewhat contradictory, purpose: Pitchfork functions as a filter to separate the crap music from the quality, but also, given its undeniable influence on pop culture, as a gatekeeper. The website is a machine that can make a band with a positive review, or stunt it to obscurity by simply not mentioning it. It is not singularly Pitchfork’s fault that the company is in this position, but that doesn’t make it any less lamentable. There exists a lengthy list of worthy bands that have gone thus far forgotten by Pitchfork, to the point where the website has given itself a musical identity, a “Pitchfork sound.” A bulk of acts currently flying under the Pitchfork radar can be loosely classified as electronic dance music. Off the top of my head, these include: Break Science, Beats Antique, and Cherub--who Lincolnites may remember opening up for Mike Posner at the University last spring.
Continued on Page 10
Rock legend Jack White takes Omaha
One man party on his process & source material
August 14, 2012
This section is intended to provide an alternative source of entertainment news to the University of NebraskaLincoln student body and the community of Lincoln.
Daniel Stier email@example.com
Assistant Ent. Editor Gabe Potter firstname.lastname@example.org
Greg Bright Kelsey Comfort Mitch McCann Nick Teets Matt Sueper Jacob Fricke
Lincoln & Omaha concerts
8/16 • B.B. King @ Pinewood Bowl 8/18 • Slipknot, Deftones, Serj Tankian + Dethklok @ Mid-America Center 8/19 • The Faint, Icky Blossoms @ Slowdown 8/20 • Mumford + Sons @ Pinewood Bowl • Andrew Bird @ Peter Kiewit Hall 8/22 • Yeasayer @ Slowdown
8/17 • ParaNorman • Expendables 2 8/24 • Hit & Run • Premium Rush • The Apparition
Album releases 8/21 • Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti - Mature Themes • Bloc Party - Four • Yeasayer - Fragrant World • Four Tet - Pink • The Darkness - Hot Cakes 9/13 • The Classic Crime - Phoenix • Insane Clown Posse - The Mighty Death Pop! • The-Dream - LOVE IV MMXII
SEEDS. STAFF PICKS
The Babymakers Available on Ti unes
Penguin Prison Penguin Prison
Kerbal Space Program
The Best Of Netflix Instant Watch
Breaking Bad With the fifth season airing right now, Netflix is providing you the opportunity to catch up and being your psych analysis of Bryan Cranston’s chemteacher-gone-Scarface, the once mild-mannered Walter Walt.
Resurrect Dead Following the mystery of “Toynbee Tiles” that have appeared all over North and South America, this documentary is a man hunt for the artist tiler. With references to 2001: A Space Odyssey, the artist tells how we can reform our dead molecules on Jupiter.
Warrior Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton are estranged brothers in a winner take all MMA tournament. With a simple score, provided principally by The National, notably “Start a War,” this is a surprisingly heart tugging and intense film with an interesting backdrop.
Eli Stone When hotshot, blood-thirsty lawyer (Jonny Lee Miller) gets diagnosed with a brain aneurysm, he starts receiving off the wall hallucinations (including George Michael performing in his living room) they start turning Stone’s life and career upside-down to hilarious and heartfelt proportions.
Adaptation. Charlie Kaufman’s twisty screenplays haven’t never lent themselves so well as to Nicolas Cage playing a pair of brothers struggling with, you guessed it, adaptation.
Beasts of the southern wild: FILM REVIEW
By Dylan Bliss Seeds. Beasts of the Southern Wild
serves as more than just an escape from the tirade of overgrown blockbusters thrust into our view during these summer months. It’s a highly improbable delivery of some of the most volatile ingredients available for an independent film, especially a fantasy drama that hopes suspend your disbelief heavily on the tensile strength of heartstrings alone. All of these components rest firmly on the narrative and dramatic foundation of five year old protagonist, Hushpuppy, offered
with more heart and light by actress Quvenzhané Wallis than most any performance you’ll witness this year. As she fights to understand the dynamics of the colorful southern community island dubbed “The Bathtub”, the looming dangers of rising flood waters and unknown giant beasts threaten the lives of everyone she knows and loves. Her father, Wink, battles terminal illness as he swears to prepare Hushpuppy for these imminent dangers, but falters often in the wake of
darkened memories of past lives and freshly extinguished dreams, soaked in alcohol. Hushpuppy’s interpretations of her surroundings are always bold, transparent, and delightfully honest. We’re situated, as an audience, in a respectful and understanding position in regards to this delightfully youthful hero, as opposed to the natural treatment of child protagonist, laden with naivety and forced cuteness. Director Benh Zeitlin chose actors with prior experience in floods
and natural disasters along the southern border, and the cohesive beauty-in-community bleeds through every frame. The merit of “Beasts” is not found solely in the social and environmental parallels it effortlessly dictates, but also in the small-scale beauty that can be unearthed amongst such unlikely turmoil. Love and hope return as blazingly refreshing catalysts to Hushpuppy’s way of life, and despite her father’s only rule, “no crying,” in the end no one will be able to abide.
TDKR: Nolan ’s “Prestige” & batman’s Exit By Mitch McCann Seeds.
First things first: Batman should have died. Christopher Nolan is without a doubt one of the finest directors and storytellers working today. By combining and reinventing several parts of the preexisting Batman anthology, he has successfully delivered not one, but three masterworks to the audiences of the world. It is worth noting that Nolan’s previous works rarely shied away from contentious endings. Nolan is often careful how he plants the seeds of his grand finales -- he wouldn’t have had Alfred tell his lovely vacation story if we weren’t pretty positive Bruce Wayne would be at that table the
next time. Meaning this point holds true for the ending of The Dark Knight Rises and indeed the film itself, but that does not make it the correct one. If you’re in need of a clever twist that makes fine plot sense, Nolan is your guy, but American cinema may have gotten the best of Nolan, forcing him to keep the world’s most infamous fictional orphan (sorry ‘Oliver’) from concluding his last adventure on a more... permanent note. The film opens with what may be the most ambitious Nolan sequence yet. A plane hijacking of a CIA rescue operation going south as Bane nabs a vaguely northern European nuclear scientist and exit tail-side before we can even fully understand the importance
of such events. Back in Gotham, the rocky peace achieved by the city’s residents feels familiar and relatively short-lived to the film’s audience, being that its entire population continues to memorialize a fallen District Attorney eight years after his passing with accolades like “The Dent Act” which justifies keeping apparently every Gotham criminal behind bars (no, really). Okay -- I told you all that so I could tell you this -- since Memento, Nolan the writer has not been quite as strong as Nolan the director. His films are as close to directorial perfection as most modern filmmakers get, but this doesn’t mean that the threads that Nolan has given his audiences to follow are fool-proof. The Ra’s Al
Ghul storyline of this film smells nicely of historical revisionism on Nolan’s part and unfortunately for the franchise, TDKR, whatever faults may have been found were simply not enough to keep fans’ questions at bay. It shouldn’t matter that it only takes this Russian scientist 15 seconds to turn a fusion core into a nuclear bomb, nor that he is apparently the only one who can do anything about it, but it does. Superhero mythologies are never bulletproof, but they slip through the cracks because of a visceral joy that it gives its fans. The Dark Knight Rises just has too many holes to fill and too high of expectations. The studios’ need for a sustainable franchise was probably none too helpful as well. I
would like to think at some point Nolan fought to kill off the Bat, but studios won’t let one of the most profitable franchises just end. Christopher Nolan made it out of the Batman francise alive and with his dignity intact, which is more than can be said of some of his predecessors. He will continue to influence the DC series of films as it unfolds, hopefully more so than any other individual. Joss Whedon’s presence at MARVEL has made juggernaut execs even more powerful, if Nolan can’t stretch his directorial influence past where it has been (say, enough to kill off Bale’s hero) Detective Comics may have already lost the war.
shut up and play the hits: Film review
By Daniel Stier Seeds.
When LCD Soundsystem announced in early 2011 that the band would be disbanding, no one knew quite what to think or how to react. The following was an announcement of LCD’s final show at Madison Square Garden, a show that immediately sold out. The documentary, with the abrupt title “Shut Up and Play the Hits” follows events from the day before the show to the morning after, giving the audience a close
look into thought process of the 42 year-old electro-rocker, James Murphy. Though the documentary was a showcase for LCD’s most popular songs played live, more importantly, it gave a glimpse into the emotion behind the famous last show. Some of the interviews seemed awkward with Murphy, the artist, but he admits he has a better time putting his feelings into his music. With seeing both
sides of Murphy, on stage and off, the aging hipster seemed more at home in front of his screaming fans than trying to express himself into a lens. However, the raw emotion inside Murphy boils over when he is standing in a room with all of the band’s gear packed and ready to be sold, he cries and seems for a second to be regretful of his decision to call an end to the LCD project. “Shut Up and Play the Hits”
Jack White: The Omaha Music hall
By Mitch McCann Seeds. It’s a relief knowing there are per-
formers out there like Jack White. Not concerning himself with the pomp and circumstance most musicians consider essential to the ‘rocker’ lifestyle, White has simplified the medium to an art: everything a musician needs is in his instrument and let your music do the talking -- and lastly, looking sharp never hurt anybody. Beginning his evening nearly five hours before his set at the Music Hall began, White and his crew at Third Man Records announced a secret show at Old Market staple Hollywood Candy only minutes before it began, to a quickly packed house. Kicking off his set with old White
Stripes number “Hello Operator,” White shook, rattled and rolled around ceaselessly until a cable needed replacing during a guitar switch. The timing of which managed to slow White down long enough to introduce his stage colleagues, Los Buzzardos, one of his two separate traveling bands (one all boys, the other all girls). Rumored to have no definite setlist, White occasionally bounced from bandmate to bandmate acknowledging the next track only until the final moments of the preceding one. Other times, he’d opt to begin the next song himself, leaving his outfit to follow suit. They didn’t seem to mind in
the least, as his all-male group is descended from every corner of rock and roll -- New Orleans, Brooklyn and even White’s native home of Detroit supplied the roots of one of the most versatile and exciting backing bands Omaha has ever seen. Spanning White’s entire career, from his days in The White Stripes (the full outfit rocked on a pianoheavy rendition of “Dead Leaves on the Dirty Ground” and “Hotel Yorba”) through his stints in both The Raconteurs (an extended “Top Yourself” and encore starter “Steady As She Goes”) and The Dead Weather (most notably “I Cut Like A Buffalo”) and a large portion of his latest Blun-
may not be the best rockumentary of all time, but it still brings the hits of LCD Soundsystem a little closer to true fans. It serves as a touching goodbye from a band that has only been around since 2001 and three studio albums. Though James Murphy is still doing DJ sets on cruise ships, he plans no return for LCD and, with a swan song of this magnitude, there is no need for one.
derbuss. His penchant for keeping the momentum going left the sold out Music Hall in an endless frenzy. White’s performance reaches across as many decades as it does genres of rock and roll, yet it is oddly purist. Podcaster and standup comedian Marc Maron once described Jack White as “haunted by the spirit of American music,” his show at Omaha’s Music Hall was a testament to that fact. Jack White can still move audiences, who, it turns out, can still move him. White ended the night a little choked up, thanking the Music Hall’s respectful audience. All of whom will forever worship at the altar of White.
August 14, 2012
Though the first night with all of your 25,000 new friends was a night to remember, or not, the following day marks the official beginning of The Sasquatch Music Festival and a weekend you are not likely to forget. It is a site you can only liken to a pilgrimage. A full mile from the festival grounds people that have given their lives to impulse for one weekend begin to move towards one single dirt road, then nothing more than a beaten path, thousands of people herding into the most beautiful concert venue on earth, the legendary Gorge. Though Sasquatch is not a very large music festival relative to the likes of Bonnaroo or Coachella, the feeling of being seemingly stranded in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but lose your mind at the best shows of your life makes the experience feel a bit more special. The Main Stage which
is situated with a clear view of the Columbia River and full amphitheatre is something that only Sasquatch has. The mix of beautiful scenery and headliners such as Jack White, Bon Iver, Tenacious D, The Shins, Beck and Beirut brings nights spent on the lawn or on the floor to be some of the most mesmerizing nights ever spent. Santigold gave a surprisingly energetic midday show and with the help of her band and dancers the performance ushered in a weekend of unforgettable shows. The Bigfoot Stage hosted packed shows such as Alabama Shakes, St. Vincent, Explosions in the Sky (which made me shed some tears), Fun, Reptar, and The Helio Sequence, all of which sounded and felt like each was headlining their own show with their own special energy brought to the awaiting crowds. The first day of shows
seemed to be all about sound and its electronic creation; however, Explosions in the Sky stood out as the largest crowd at Bigfoot on the first night and rightfully stunned a crowd of Sasquatchers. Pretty Lights also headlined on the main stage the first night, and standing on top of a bowl containing over a couple thousand people throwing glowsticks was just as impressive as it is front row. After a long morning of working the first day, the Banana Shack was a restful salvation for plenty of festival goers looking to get out of the sun. Standup comedy with Knick Kroll, Pete Holmes, Todd Barry, and Portlandia gave a much needed rest from dancing and standing for the crowds that filtered in around noon. However, Portlandia did not seem to even know what they were doing on stage. Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein are seasoned
comedians, however the comedy seemed extremely forced and had some walking out in the first 20 minutes, the only disappointment of the festival. When the sun was beginning and did finally fall, the large tent lit up and STRFKR (Star Fucker), Purity Ring, SBTRKT (Subtract), and a James Murphy DJ set gave you no excuse not to dance and throw endless glow sticks. Endless sea of glow sticks. On the unfortunate side, the sound and bass from the Maine Stage (stage for hiphop and smaller groups), not to be confused with the Main Stage, sometimes filtered into the shack making noise bleed a slight issue. The Yeti Stage was a smaller stage that hosted the likes of Active Child, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Zola Jesus, and Poor Moon. The stages setting seemed strange at first, being in the middle of a bunch of food
venders, but when Pat Grossi of Active Child begins to open his vocal range and rips his harp to shreds the entire world seems to fade and it’s just you and the performance. Then, as soon as the concert is over all you have to do is turn around for water out of the conveniently placed tap, right next to the slightly overpriced food and 12 dollar beers. Sasquatch is more than just a music festival, it is a cultural event. It isn’t Lollapalooza where some go and some stay nor is it any other festival for that matter. You are there from day one to day five, along with 30,000 other people.The entire venue is the most breathtaking sight to behold and can’t be considered anything less than magical when paired with your favorite bands, Canadians, long lines, expensive most everything, and the freedom to do anything you want.
With all of that in mind, there are certain expectations when Pitchfork Music Festival, which just concluded its seventh run, announces its lineup every year. You expect three headliners of varying degrees of nostalgia and notoriety (this year it was Feist, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, and Vampire Weekend); you expect some buzzing hip hop acts (Danny Brown, A$AP Rocky, Schoolboy Q); you expect seasoned indie darlings (Sleigh Bells, Dirty Projectors, Beach House); and you expect a slathering of the up and coming (Grimes, King Krule, Purity Ring). Of course, the fest de-
livered all of that in abundance. But surprisingly, the three day affair played host to a couple acts that would normally seem outside of Pitchfork’s scope, namely AraabMuzik and Flying Lotus. Neither are Pitchfork standard fare, yet both electrified the festival in a way even the most anticipated set of the weekend couldn’t have done (sorry, Grimes). AraabMuzik and FlyLo succeeded because they were different to Pitchfork. In a weekend awash with the sleepy, tidal overtones of Beach House, Youth Lagoon, and Real Estate or the thrashy rock of Chavez, Ty Segall, and Cloud Noth-
ings, two acts that actually implored the average headbobbing-if-you’re-luc ky hipster to dance were a welcome relief. And it’s not as though these two producers are some typical bar DJs that rely on already popular hooks and cheap tricks. AraabMuzik plays improvised beats on an MPC with fingers faster than most people can touch-type, and FlyLo is one of the most progressive producers making beats right now. So maybe Pitchfork should take a lesson from itself. Variety is the spice of life, and was the spice of the festival.
Notable: • Dirty Projectors’ new album garnered an 8.8 on the site three days before they took stage at the festival. Just sayin’. • Lady Gaga could be found in the backstage wings of a few acts this weekend, and as such, probably gave rapper Kendrik Lamar the largest audience he’ll see for quite some time. • Either Cults really sucks live, or the Saturday afternoon rain caused some major sound problems for the band. I hope it’s the latter, but didn’t stick around long enough to find out for myself. • Saturday of Pitchfork sold out weeks before the festival, then Pitchfork decided to sell
600 more tickets. The result was a miserable and inescapable mass of people. • Danny Brown freestyled, in detail, the best way to orally pleasure a woman. And it was actually really good. • Atlas Sound, the solo project of Deerhunter lead singer Bradford Cox, was the most trance-inducing, weirdest, and maybe even greatest set of the festival. • Acts from the weekend you should all know: King Krule, Purity Ring, Grimes, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Danny Brown. • Nothing can make me care about Sleigh Bells, not even Alexis Krauss crowd surfing in ripped fishnets.
Volume 7, Issue 0
Life of the party, Girl Talk, details his experiences behind the laptop An ever-evolving artist Gregg Gillis, better known by his stage moniker Girl Talk, is on the edge of mashups, remixes, and samples. Taking his talents on tour after tour for over ten years, Gillis has seen tame to insane crowds clinging to every beat. Gillis has learned to not only how move his crowds with music, but adding in his own live effects that include leaf blowers and toilet paper, to stir more madness. Pushing innovation is key to the idea of Girl Talk and an ongoing motivation for Gillis. Noting where he has been and where he wants to go, Gillis is determined to set, not only his live shows, but his music apart from anything else that is accessible or otherwise. Gillis took the time to answer some of our questions. Seeds Entertainment: How did you come up with the ideas of leaf blowers to shoot toilet paper and even the simple idea of having the audience dance on stage with you? Gregg Gillis: I would say right now, the show has been a slow evolution. I think a lot of things that exist in the show were small ideas that happened a couple years ago that happened at a few shows that built up and became regular elements for the show. I think in the early days, I’m talking ten years ago, I always wanted to make the show
a production. I always liked the idea of having my show, with me triggering samples from a laptop still be something like a rock show with visuals, and things like that. Back in the early days, I always to have a human element to the show, as opposed to a cold electronic music show with little interference. So I always made a point to get in the crowd, or to invite people on stage, to really get out there and interact with people. And during that era I did a lot of house parties where I would just be set up in the middle of the floor, there was no stage. SE: Have you had any interesting experiences with your interactions with fans? GG: Yeah, you know I think it’s pretty organized now. But I think if you check out any YouTube of the show from 2008, 2009 or even 2007, in that era. It was truly chaos, there was no barricade, and I basically allowed the whole audience to get up there. There were shows where the table of the legs would just snap underneath them, just from the pressure from everyone running up there. I’ve had every level of nudity on stage. I’ve seen people have sex on stage. I’ve had people vomit on, near the computer. It was pretty extreme there for a while. SE: You talk about your show becoming what it is from small ideas. Do you have any small ideas now?
GG: You know, I still feel we're doing some things at each show. There’s always a limitation at what we can do at certain venues, with scale and cost, and all of that. But this year, and were not doing it that often-so I’d hate to even throw it out there, we have incorporated some pyro in the show. I played a show in Pittsburgh on Saturday, that’s where I’m from, so we kind of wanted to make it a big deal. It was actually the most tickets I’ve sold for an individual show. So we wanted to go big with it, so we have actually decided to incorporate some pyro with certain shows. Like raining sparks on stage, and even though that’s not small, that’s the sort of thing where we’ve done it at one show and we go “we can do it at a few more.” So we have done that a couple of times, and that’s the newest thing. SE: What’s your plan after your summer tour? GG: I’m working on a bunch of new music, I would say the set right now, that I’ve been playing around with this summer is almost half new material. The down time I do have, I am always eager to work on music. I have a lot of ideas, that relates to the last record, as far as the materials sounding. I’m also working on some stuff that’s a little bit different than the past few records. This material is stuff that I haven’t
played live, and I don’t think that it could work in that context right now. So I would say that I’m working on some stuff that I would consider outside of the box of the past few years of Girl Talk, and I’m kind of excited to continue to develop that. I would say that shows will slow down after this year, and I would like some sort of release ideally in the next year. Whether its gonna be stuff that relates to the last record, or whether it will be the newer material that I was mentioning. I’m not sure, I’m kind of working on two batches of materials simultaneously. SE: What do you mean by outside the box? GG: This stuff is still sample base, but some of the source material is more obscure. I would say that the way I’m using the source material is different-so just the structure of it. And there is some very famous source material, but maybe the way I’m going about using it is cut up a bit more. It’s kind of taken away from the original context more than the last few releases. It’s further from a traditional mash-up style, compared to my last couple records. So it’s more along the lines of making beats, but it is still sample based. I have a few ideas of where it could go, but at this point I would say that it doesn’t sound like the last couple records. Interview by Gabe Potter
Need more Girl Talk? Read the full interview - DAILYERNEBRASKAN.COM
Published on Aug 14, 2012