Bi-weekly laxative substitute
Lincoln’s premier source for satirical and alternative news. October 9, 2012
Volume 6, Issue 4
GAY AGENDA FOUND! FILLED WITH MUSICAL REVUES AND WINE TASTINGS
STORY BY COLIN LOBERG | PHOTO BY MITCH MCCANN
n news that continues to send shockwaves through the conservative-Christian community, the true gay agenda has finally been revealed. Fox News anchor Bill O’Reily first broke the story on Thursday night after the pocket organizer was discovered in the bathroom of a Los Angeles gay bar. There remains much speculation about the long rumored “Gay Agenda,” but several concrete facts have emerged among the media frenzy. “The much-criticized agenda contains very few plans for deviance, corruption and treason and includes actually more Bistro addresses than previously thought possible,” said lead investigator Glen Knowles. This latest development comes as quite a
Pat Robertson celebrates exposing Jim and Will’s plot to destroy
shock to some members of the Christian right, who admitted that they were slightly disappointed by the innocuous contents. “All this time I’ve been preaching fire and brimstone about the evils of the homosexual agenda, and it turns out they just want to go watch a movie with some friends and drink Appletinis,” says renowned televangelist Pat Robertson. “Heck, that doesn’t sound like too bad of an evening.” Others are less receptive to the contents of the gay agenda. James Dobson, leader of Focus on the Family told reporters, “Sure, it might appear that this godless young man’s Saturday is plum full of volunteering at the local soup kitchen and going suit shopping, but there’s about a two-
SEEDS. 9 / BROWN INTERVIEW LOCAL Withering House Plant Has Only One Regret
hour window of time where he’s probably just perverting our youth and overthrowing traditional marriage. And microbrew tasting on Sundays? The only thing these heathens are brewing is a new way to marry their dogs.” Now the gay agenda conversation will move from pundits to Washington, D.C., where it is speculated that new legislation may be in the works. Indeed, the revelation that they would prefer to plan their weddings and live in peace than destroy America is a welcome break for many gay men and women seeking marriage equality. The sole voice of gay dissent against the agenda’s contents is fashion designer Marc Jacobs, who argues the book’s advice about three-button suits is simply “[an] unforgivable travesty.”
SEEDS. 14 / TILLY & THE WALL CULTURE Dead Sister Would’ve Wanted You to Have That Blouse
NATIONAL Mitt Romney Caught Practicing Empathy in Mirror
Who We Are
Oct. 9, 2012
THE DAILYER STAFF
Editor-in-Chief Mitch McCann firstname.lastname@example.org Assistant Editor Christina Mayer email@example.com Design Liz Lachnit firstname.lastname@example.org Entertainment Editor Daniel Stier email@example.com Assistant Ent. Editor Gabe Potter firstname.lastname@example.org Sports Editor Alex Wunrow email@example.com Managing Editor Dan Shattil firstname.lastname@example.org Publications Board David Bresel email@example.com Advertising firstname.lastname@example.org Writers Greg Bright Kyle Brown Sam Ervin Jacob Fricke Tyler Keown Rob Jellison Erik Mellgren Sean Stewart Matt Sueper Emily Wilson Patrick Wright Adviser Don Walton email@example.com Mission The object of the Dailyer Nebraskan is to provide the students of the University of NebraskaLincoln with a humorous alternative to the Daily Nebraskan. The Dailyer Nebraskan is meant to be a satirical and at times radical news zine in a false or comical light, while simultaneously featuring “serious” entertainment reviews, interviews, etc. Got something to say? You think we suck? Tell us. You think we’re awesome? Do go on. Contact the Dailyer Nebraskan at dailyernebraskan@gmail. com. Send your thoughts, input, insults, compliments and love.
As we reach the end of the hottest summer in recorded history, we are reminded of the fact that change is inevitable. On a dime, almost, this dreaded Lincoln weather has reared its awful chill mere weeks away from the bitter heat. As some old guy once said, “the times they are a-changin’.” As such, our publication moves with the times; satirizing and keeping an eye on charged themes in entertainment as we
THE go. However, with the current political climate in such inclement conversation over human rights, we are solemnly reminded why we need to keep fighting. When artists, who claim to be open minded and against oppression, turn their back on one of their fellow creators for being homosexual, we see another social boundary yet to be broken down. What that reason is does not matter. Lives continue to
be lost in the fight for equality, and in a country that purports to be “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” there is no more room for excuses. When the mob is at the gates demanding the heads of supposed sinners and heathens, we are supposedly forced into accepting that primitive minds will always have sway in our modern political system. Not anymore. No matter how old an individual gets, they
EDITORS’ RAG can still act the fool. The DailyER is here to do all we can to keep the ship right. Stray too far, and you’ll end up in the folds of our paper. Right, left, gay, straight, ABC, NBC, CBS or FOX -- we’re the check and the balance. This is DailyER country. Dailyer Nebraskan Seeds. Entertainment
THE DAILYER NEBRASKAN CODE OF CONDUCT These are the rules outlining the ethical and moral responsibilities and proper practices for staff members of UNL’s Alternative News Source. The Dailyer Nebraskan is meant to be a satirical and at times radical news zine, presenting current news in a false or comical light, while simultaneously featuring ‘’serious’’ entertainment reviews, interviews, etc. Due to the nature of social satire — indefinite in regard to standards of approbation — The Dailyer Nebraskan and the Publications Board of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln have deemed it necessary to adopt a code of conduct. The following is a list of
standards characterizing what is and what is not suitable for publication in The Dailyer Nebraskan: • No editing or cleaning up of language shall occur when conducting a true interview (Entertainment Section). We believe that editing one’s language skews the reader’s perception of the interviewee. • The use of profanity in satirical news articles shall not occur unless its usage bears an intended effect on the meaning of the article. • No limits shall be placed on the strength of language used. All words considered profane are on an equal playing field, but none are to be used unless in the situations described
above. • Nudity shall be limited to the hind side of an individual; however, photos of individuals wearing clothing that accentuates other areas of the body are acceptable but to be used sparingly and in good taste. • The Dailyer Nebraskan shall not be a biased, subjective or partisan newspaper. It will strive at all times to cover all issues and all groups equally. • All university officials, administrators and faculty members are liable to be cited and/or quoted incorrectly in satirical news articles written by members of The Dailyer Nebraskan; however, stories must be overtly bogus in
order to dispel any beliefs that information within the articles is in any way true. • Being a satirical news zine, The Dailyer Nebraskan may, at times, offend target groups and therefore bears the responsibility of being criticized as anti-(insert group here). One goal of The Dailyer Nebraskan is to be known as “fair in its offenses,” meaning that no one group shall bear the brunt of the joke. • The Dailyer Nebraskan shall follow the AP Style Guide. • The Dailyer Nebraskan shall follow all rules set forth by the University-Wide Student Publications Committee’s Guidelines for the Student Press-Revised Edition.
Student More Hungover Than Not at Duffy’s Tavern. Matt Sueper “It’s cool, though. His Dailyer Nebraskan A student turning the ripe old age of 21 is bound to develop something short of a drinking problem, but junior Seth Waylan has taken it to a new level. Seth, in this first semester, has actually been more hungover than he has been sober, a feat that has seriously taken a toll on his body and bank account. Seth wasn’t available for a comment on his situation, as the only sounds he emitted were tortuous, unintelligible moans. His roommate spoke on his behalf. “This is one of his good days,” his roommate, Ty Ganz, said as he put a sippy cup full of water to his roommate’s lips. “He took last night off, which is probably for the best. Some of our friends called him a pussy for not going out on a Monday.” Waylan reportedly has a whopping eighteen dollars left in his bank account, which he is planning to altruistically donate to his open bar tab
dad’s a doctor,” Ganz reassured us. The UNL junior’s health has been rapidly declining since his two month-long bender commenced. After much deliberation and a drunken fistfight, Ganz got Waylan to see his family practitioner. The doctor said the bags under his eyes are now permanent, and also noed that the student is so dehydrated that his blood is, in fact, almost completely gelatinous. A recent blood test done on Waylan attributed to this finding. When asked how he has managed to stay alive in this almost perpetually hungover state, Waylan responded with a spittle of vomit. When the question was redirected to his roommate, he replied, “Oh, I’ve been stealing IVs from the health center. Actually, you know what...” he continued, scratching his head, “... they just gave them to me. Needle and all. Yeah if you need IVs, dude, hit them up.”
Oct. 9, 2012
Husker Cats Raise Feral Student Tyler Keown Dailyer Nebraskan South of the Nebraska City Union, the bushes start to wiggle. A face pops out and looks around cautiously. In one fluid move, David Turnot emerges and starts walking. He’s late for biology class. Turnot, a junior film studies major, is currently being raised by Husker cats, the wild cats that live on campus. “They chose me when I was a freshman,” Turnot said as he licked the back of his hands. “I got lost looking for the bookstore in the Union. I opened an unmarked door, saw a blur of black movement and woke up three hours later in their lair.” Turnot wouldn’t say exactly where the “lair” was, hinting that it was near Kauffman hall, but he was willing to recall his experiences there. “When I awoke, the four elder cats were standing over me,” Turnot explained. “I remember trying to move, but the elders put their paws on me and a calm came over my body. I understood what was happening. I was becoming a part of the clowder.” From there, the cats taught Turnot of their ways instructing him to stalk and hunt, be moody and sporadic to draw interest from others. As Turnot became more and more wrapped in this feline world, he said his normal life became less important.
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY MITCH MCCANN | DAILYER NEBRASKAN
“I can’t look back at what I was,” Turnot hissed. “I won’t.” Turnot highlighted some of the changes in lifestyle, including the way he walks, talks and dresses. The biggest change, however, has been diet. “I didn’t know it was possible to love tuna this much,” Turnot said with a grin. “And how about that Fancy Feast stuff? I don’t know if fancy is a strong enough word for it. “I still like human food too, though. Especially lasagna,” he added. Turnot claimed to have grown a tail this past spring, but had it snipped off in the spirit of his fellow Husker cats. “It’s a rite of passage, really,” Turnot explained. “You aren’t really in until the tail comes off.” As content as Turnot has
been with his life, others can be startled by the eccentric habits he has developed. “No one in class falls asleep faster than him, especially if he’s sitting in a sun beam,” said Sarah Juno, who shares a class with Turnot. Turnot said that despite the odd stares he may receive when leaping after a squirrel or the gasps from fellow students when he slides back under the bush that doubles as his home, he’s happy with his feline family. “I don’t expect others to understand,” Turnot said while absentmindedly playing with a mouse corpse. “Sometimes life takes you in a direction that you don’t understand.” “Luckily, I seem to keep landing on my feet,” he added.
Epistemologists Discover Campus Crosswalks Possess No Actual Meaning Gabriel Gauthier Dailyer Nebraskan
After 158 years of intense, widespread academic contrast, epistemologists have irrevocably agreed upon a single universal truth: crosswalks signs on UNL campus possess no meaning whatsoever. Dr. Tania Fullam, a Professor of Epistemology and Meaning at Stanford University, has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that traffic indicators are severed from all meaning, both explicit and implicit, once they arrive within three blocks of UNL’s City Campus. “It’s a legitimately mindboggling phenomenon,” said Fullam. “For some reason, there is a complete disconnect between commonly recognizable, flashing symbols and information.” “The only logical explana-
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY MITCH MCCANN | DAILYER NEBRASKAN
tion is that symbolism is nullified when related to Nebraskan transportation,” the doctor wrote in her famed doctoral thesis, “Seriously, Why Do Students Keep Crossing the Fucking Road While I’m Trying to Drive?” “If there were any other possible answer, we would’ve gladly accepted it,” added Dr. Fullam. “But that’s not what the facts suggest. It’s not as if students are morally atrophied past the point of not giving a shit about motorists. As we all know, the youth of Academia hold two
things undeniably sacred. One is a stranger’s well-being -- and the other is societal tradition.” This stance was verified by local student, Cody Bohon, after he appealed one of the rare fines LPD administers for jaywalking. “The fine is absolute bullshit. I just walked across the road for two seconds,” claimed an apathetic Bohon. “But beyond even that, I wasn’t even given proper warning. Despite its common-place symbolic meaning, that bright, red hand could’ve meant absolutely anything.”
Oct. 9, 2012
New Starbucks Pumpkin Latte Only Spice in Sad Man’s Life Colin Loberg Dailyer Nebraskan
most becomes a year-round buildup and celebration of commercial espresso blends The annual release of with just a hint of spice flaStarbucks’ pumpkin spice voring for the depressing latte is an event typically area man. Phillips, a truly wretchmet with mild interest and ed 20-something, says that casual curiosity. But lohe likes to use the event cal loser Scott Phillips is no typical man. In fact, if as a means to connect to unconfirmed reports from his friends and family and sources close to Phillips enjoy a reasonably priced are to be believed, he is drink with unreasonable an “unbelievably pathetic flavor. Inundating his sparse excuse for a man with no friend list with updates redeeming qualities.” What about the local availability is an insignificant event to of pumpkin spice lattes and
the amount of saturated fat priate level. The unabashed satisfaction in a venti, Philhe gets from lips continues “It’s feisty, sprinkled nutthe process of meg is just slowly drivfun and n a u s e a t i n g. ing away anyfull of fall If we catch one with even a spirit!” him taking passing interest another sepia in his life. SCOTT PHILLIPS photo of his Even StarPUMPKIN LATTE LOVER scones we’ll bucks’ employbe forced to ees are getting sick of his bullshit. Says Lin- eject him from the premcoln manager Nick McNul- ises.” “I just love the pumpty, “Sure, we appreciate any paying customer, but Scott kin spice latte! It’s feisty, just takes it to an inappro- fun and full of fall spirit,”
Ant Stares at Horizon, Ponders Great Vastness of Parking Lot Gabriel Gauthier Dailyer Nebraskan After taking an unusually long detour back to work, Greg Schniepp was suddenly overtaken by the great vastness of the parking lot in which his colony resides. Greg, a professional harvesting ant living just outside a Des Moines-area McDonald’s, took a life-changing gaze out into the distance Sunday night. “I looked deep into the swirling, mysterious emptiness,” recalled Schniepp, referring to the once-vacant parking space. “And it looked back into me.” Having caught a mere glimpse of the southern side of the restaurant, Greg’s non-existent heart beat fiercely inside his thorax. “At that moment, I felt an unusual sense of smallness,” said the 0.0003 gram worker. “I instantly knew that there had to be a greater power than myself,“ Schniepp correctly realized, not even 20 feet away from evolutionarily superior primates. “Now that I know this, the grass, the only patch of which surrounds my home, is a
First Time Arsonist Thinks That Went Pretty Well Jacob Fricke Dailyer Nebraskan
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY MITCH MCCANN | DAILYER NEBRASKAN
little greener.” Schniepp recalls that, before stepping back and observing the beautiful expanse of the known ant universe, his life was committed to “going through the motions.” “In the hustle and bustle of my 80-day existence, life had jaded me. I slowly became accustomed to the taste of nectar... and water seemed all but dry on my mandibles,” he continued. “I suppose that you often lose perspective of what is important. We get so caught in the chaos of finding edible debris... But why? Shouldn’t there be more to life than survival? “I’ve resolved to live life to the fullest,” Schniepp added. “What
truly matters is family -and learning how to dance in the rain, as massive as its drops might be.” When asked of his future plans, and how his recent enlightenment would play a part, Schniepp seemed to be lost in thought. “I guess from now on, I’ll take everything with a grain of salt,” he said, referencing the deposit of salt he had found that afternoon on a discarded french fry. “I mean, there’s so much of this parking lot that I won’t see in the remaining ten days of my lifetime. I could be sampling everything this life has to offer! Why should I waste my days thinking about how fundamentally insignificant we all are?”
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proclaims Scott Phillips to anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby. “It just brings everyone together, and it’s pretty good-tasting to boot. In fact, it’s all I live for. I guess you could say I love Starbucks ‘a-latte!’’’ Letting loose a mild chuckle at his unbelievably terrible pun, Scott then proceeded to clasp his mug with both hands, take a slow sip and let out a disgustingly self-contented sigh.
A common saying is that “there’s a first time for everything.” However, there is a darker way of putting this, one that first-time arsonist Dylan Baumann feared would become his reality: “you never get a second chance at a first impression.” “It’s always been a dream of mine to start my career off with a flourish,” said a visibly happy Baumann, a junior Chemical Engineering major at Ohio State University. “But I never thought things would go quite this well.” Baumann, who has enjoyed the sight of watching people, places, and things burn since he was (by his own admission) “old enough to strike my first match,” wanted to ensure that his entrance into the world of criminal arson would be memorable. Baumann’s ambition was enhanced by his years of training. “I spent most of my child and early adulthood preparing for this moment. I’ve set my backyard, childhood swingset, and various pieces of furniture ablaze. But this was
all from the comfort of my own home,” Bauman said. “What if I failed on the big stage?” His concerns, however, were groundless. Shortly after dusk on Monday evening, Baumann stowed away inside a janitor’s closet after closing time at a local Pizza Hut. From there, he waited until night had truly fallen before lining up individually-packaged straws one by one all around the restaurant. After dousing the chairs and tables in gasoline, he placed a final straw on a kitchen stove burner. “I turned it on and hightailed it on out of there,” Baumann said. “I went to the parking lot across the street and watched that place go up like our family’s Christmas tree last year. Just like I had practiced. It was beautiful.... beautiful... beautiful.” Enthralled by his initial success, Baumann says he will continue with his passion, perhaps even choosing a larger target next time. “In my opinion, that Wal-Mart over there has been getting pretty uppity. I bet they have a lot of plastic in there, too. Everyone loves a challenge.”
Oct. 9, 2012
Man Breaks Sound Barrier, Never Heard From Again Sam Ervin Dailyer Nebraskan Aleksandr Vodkavak, a Russian scientist at a Russian facility in Petropavlovsk, was the first human to permanently break the sound barrier. Last week the process of sending his body to Mach 1 was finalized in the small research town. “The specific process is classified. It involves accelerating each individual particle of a person through sub-atomic... somethings. Whatever. It worked. Shut up. We did it before those
bastard Americans, anyway,” said Mikhail Sovietahsk, the lead researcher. Vodkavak, however, has not been heard from in the days following the success. “He just seems so aloof now... never comments on the pinup calendar in the break room, never yells about his fantasy cosmonaut team, never goes on any tirades about the sorry state of Russian politics. It’s just not like him,” said fellow scientist Vladislav Beardursky. “I knew Aleksandr as a pretty sociable guy. He liked his dirty jokes, dirty
women, and dirty vodka, but he was a brilliant scientist. Now, though, he thinks he’s too supersonic to slow down and talk to us. He hasn’t even finished his deals with the KGB. He’s got some ‘splaining to do.” The United States has launched a full-scale investigation into the incident, ahead of the Russian government. Despite finding no leads on any of Vodka- PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY KYLE BROWN | DAILYER NEBRASKAN vak’s sounds, both presidential candidates have weighed in on the issue: against humanity,” while larly for those whiny IndeObama referred to it as Romney called the process pendents.” “very despicable, [a] crime “very marketable, particu-
Wrongfully Executed Black Man Happy to Be Out of the South Greg Bright Dailyer Nebraskan Wrongfully-executed Alabama man John Davis admitted from heaven that he was “just happy to be out of the south.” Davis was executed last week in Alabama for a crime he had been exonerated of based on DNA evidence, eyewitness accounts, and fingerprints. “Honestly, though I
know I didn’t commit that murder... you know what? I’m way happier being out of the south,” the recently deceased Davis said. “I’d rather be a dead southern black man than a living one.” Davis’ family, who could be seen crying outside the prison walls, stated the tears were those of joy and jealousy and that Davis is without a doubt in a better place.
“Even if this whole heaven thing is wrong, being six feet underground rotting has got to be better than being questioned by police every time you’re within 10 miles of a recent crime,” Davis’ sister Lanette said. “I can’t even imagine what it must be like to not be discriminated against every second of every day.”
Carmen Sandiego’s Body Found in Creek Bed Tyler Keown Dailyer Nebraskan Police chief Kevin Cern cleared his throat. His eyes searched the room for a moment, then he spoke into the microphone. “We’ve found Carmen Sandiego.” Thus was the end of the 29-year-long, global search for Sandiego marked. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a storybook ending. Her body was found in a creek bed behind an apartment complex in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. There were three stab wounds to her neck and it’s estimated she had been there for a few weeks. “It’s raised a new set of questions,” Cline explained. “Did she have mob connections? Is that why she was running all the time?” Alongside her body, police found a collection of maps, a golden apple, a cryptograph and a loaded pistol. Her signature red coat was torn, ragged, and thick with blood stains. Sandiego fans worldwide have mourned the death of their elusive hero.
“I’d spent years trying to figure out where she was,” said Matthew Drettin, age 35. “I came so close so many times. I feel like I could’ve saved her life. I could’ve saved her. “I should have saved her,” he added. Sandiego will have a memorial held next week. Turnout is expected to be large, with many fans wanting the chance to see Sandiego at least once in their lives. “It’s sad and all that she died,” said Thomas Aide, age 14. “But I’m just excited that I get to see her. My dad said it’s history. That’s cool, I guess.” Police will be present at the memorial, hopeful to find other missing characters that want to pay their respects. “We have word that Waldo may make an appearance,” Cline said. “It might be in bad taste to arrest a mourning man, but really, how many other chances will we get?” The Dailyer reached out to Waldo for comment, but only received a coupon for one of his books.
DerN Sports Desk DerN insidER KEY STATS:
95% THINK BEING HUSKER HEAD COACH ISN’T AS HARD AS PELINI MAKES IT LOOK
Huskers Dominate First Quarter Against Ohio St. Alex Wunrow DerN Sports Desk After a supreme 1st quarter effort that left Ohio State scrambling for answers, Coach Bo Pelini experienced the rare emotion of leading a football game on the road. “It was surreal looking up at the scoreboard after the 1st quarter and seeing us in the lead.” Said Pelini. “I stopped paying attention after that though, I knew there was no way a ‘Bo Pelini coached defense’ could allow 28 points in the 2nd quarter.” Pelini went on to pass out ‘the blackshirts’ promptly after the 1st quarter came to an end. After that it was all
“DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT”
tweets from the game:
Paul Foster DerN Sports Desk
“‘Best fans in college football’ swearing, booing a lot” “Huskers ‘Execute’”
Ohio State: “Nebraskans hate, love, hate, love Taylor Martinez” “Huskers debut new 11 running back formation” “Husker fans not mad at Bo, just disappointed”
good times, and celebration around the state of Nebraska. “I knew we had things wrapped up after the 1st quarter,” Said North Platte native, Norm Reynolds. “It was great, it really allowed me to focus on my drinking.” During the Pelini era, the Huskers have had a penchant for falling behind early on the road. Which is why the 1st quarter at Ohio State came as a welcome surprise to many across Husker Nation. “For some reason I thought we were going to go out there and lay a total egg, like we did at Michigan last year,” Stated UNL sophomore, Josh Brinson. “But thank God Bo had the black-
PELINI CHEERS HIS 1ST QUARTER VICTORY IN OHIO | PHOTO BY ALEX WUNROW
shirts ready for this one. I was afraid we were going to get embarrassed on national television.” Though no one watched
the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th quarters of last weekend’s game, it surely must have wound up being Coach Pelini’s signature win of his career.
ESPN Reports Nick Saban’s Balls Taste Delicious
@DerNSports “Husker fans transition from sad drunk to happy drunk”
Oct. 9, 2012
Following an “intense” four-hour interview process, the cast of ESPN’s “College Football Live” program was eager to report that Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban’s balls are “absolutely delicious in every way.” Host Rece Davis, himself an Alabama alumni, was reported to have spent the most “private time” with Saban. “Let me tell you, I’ve never tasted anything quite as tender or succulent as Coach Saban’s testicles,” Davis said.
“Even just the sight and smell of them was enough to set [fellow “CFB” live panelist Erik] Kuelias into a frenzy. They had to take him out of the room.” Fellow panelist Kirk Herbstreit agreed. “I’ve always been an Ohio State man, and I thought I would never suck on anything quite as flavorful as Coach Jim Tressel’s moist bits,” said Herbstreit. “But five minutes with Coach Saban was enough to convince me that the combination of sweet but subtle sweat that dripped into my mouth made
this guy the real deal.” Davis, however, reported that Saban’s balls had more of a “mesquite, smokey barbeque-like flavor.” “Nothing against Les Miles, whose balls I thoroughly enjoyed,” Davis continued, “but it’s easy to see why the king of the SEC and the country right now is Alabama. I have to imagine that delicious flavor is a huge factor in their fantastic recruiting classes.” “It’s no secret,” said Davis, “that any coach in the SEC has tastier balls than the coaches of the Pac-12 or ACC.
That’s just the state of college football right now and it does no one any favors to deny the wide array of flavors and new experiences that can come from dangling some SEC giblets in your mouth for a few hours.” At press time, the cast of “College Football Live” reported that the balls of Ohio State coach Urban Meyer were “disappointing.” Added Herbstreit, “the sadness and tears that come from neglecting family and health just doesn’t taste as good as I had dreamed.”
husker progress report + A F D C? Bo Pelini
Ball Protection: In Progress
Half-Time Adjustments: Excessive Notes: In his last 10 games against Division 1 opponents, Pelini is 5-5. Which would be impressive, if he were the head coach at Iowa.
Decision-Making: Sensual Notes: Taylor has succeeded in becoming Nebraska’s best and worst player, simultaneously. Never before have Husker fans become so adept at cheering and bemoaning a player so often in a single game.
Last Name: Incomprehensible Attitude: Enjoyable Performance: Depends on the down Notes: With a Chris Christie like exuberance, Papuchis has encouraged his defense to miss open-field tackles with a charisma not seen since the 90’s.
Ball Presence: Missing Attitude: Punk Rock Study Habits: Exceptional Notes: Jamal has received over 13 tardies this semester, but he has finally perfected his recipe for baked ziti.
Sorority Report: The Best Way to Look Hot is to Be Me
Mackenzie Sorority Authority
Hey bitches, it’s Mackenzie. I’m back, and this time to tell all you single ladies the best way to look hot for some potential man candy. We all know it can get kinda lonely without a man, so what’s the best way to attract the men to you? It’s easy, of course: just be me. Obviously none of you can be me, because I’m me (I’m talking to you, Whitney. I swear
to God, if you steal my outfit one more time I’m gonna rip those ugly-ass hair extensions out of your stupid fucking head). So what’s the secondbest way to look hot for a potential man? Get my stamp of approval. How do you get my stamp of approval? Just make sure you look hot enough to not embarrass me, but not hot enough that you get the boys’ attention away from me. I’m the one who knows all of you gals best, and if you don’t listen to my opinion, you’ll wind up like Allison. She thought she could make up her own mind, so she started dating my ex-boyfriend-butnow-boyfriend-again Jake. But they were all wrong for each other. Once I convinced Jake of that, Allison was left out in the cold until I threw her a bone and let her date Jake’s
BFF (LOL, Jake’s BFF is totally fugly). Lauren and Becky have stayed by my side forever, looking pretty hot themselves (but nowhere close to me... they’ll agree with that, won’t you ladies?), and for that they’ve both got guys almost as perfect as my Jake. I reward the ladies who are loyal to me. Loyal bitches are true bitches, and true bitches are worth keeping around. So if you wanna be a true bitch, just come hang around with me. But remember: no ugly people (except Allison and Jake’s BFF LMAO). And absolutely no fat people, because they ruin everything. Until next time, ladies, keep it slutty. Unless you’re around Jake. Keep your whore hands away from him.
“The Time is Now, Comrades!”
Vladimir Linin Bedbug
The time is now, Comrades! We, the numerous, loathsome, and cowardly are in a unique position to stage the greatest revolution this square mile has ever seen. We bedbugs have had a long history of oppression. We’ve been studied in labs, hunted in places nor-
mally reserved for rest and relaxation, and even burned to death while trying to scrape out an honest, parasitic living. I’ve had enough. The time of the working bug having to feed on lowly barn creatures is past. The time is now for a decisive and violent revolution. Our forces have already staked out a sizable claim in East Campus; the simple life fell easily to our nocturnal ambushes. Our campaign must now refocus itself on City Campus. We’ve got several good bugs acting as sleeper agents in many of the major centers of population, and upon receiving signal from Bedbug Command, these superior examples of discipline and discretion
can marshal themselves into a force worth reckoning with— breeding their way into quite an army. The current class system is a joke. Flies, spiders, and even crickets have managed to scratch out a place for themselves, and yet this archaic system of ruling leaves bedbugs in social chains. The only explanation is that our race is the only one too noble to be in bed with the powers of the day. We now have another way. We have carnage! We have massacre! We have tiny chomping mandibles! The revolution has begun!
Dailyest updates from around campus:
Oct. 9, 2012
HOROSCOPES Virgo Aug. 23-Sept. 22 No one has five hours to play Lord of The Rings RISK with you. Quit asking. Libra Sept. 23-Oct. 22 The signs all indicate that friendship and closeness will be in short supply in the coming weeks. Even if it is your birthday. Scorpio Oct. 23-Nov. 21 The stars apologize for last month’s death prediction, that was meant for this month. Sagittarius Nov. 22-Dec. 21 Even though she seems like a nice lady, we wouldn’t trust the hooker down the street. We’ve all seen what she’s done with those hands. Capricorn Dec. 22-Jan. 19 You need to find a like-minded person who can really hear you out, which is incredibly hard to do in a deaf community. Aquarius Jan. 20-Feb. 18 You look incredibly lovely today, especially to the stalker in the tree by your house. Pisces Feb. 19-March 20 The ball is in your court today. As well as your office, car, bedroom, and pretty much everywhere else. Aries March 21-April 19 You’ll finally get the exact right angle for your Facebook profile picture. Unfortunately the pixels on mug shots are all out of whack. Taurus April 20-May 20 Your dream job will literally come knocking this week. Talk about a worse time to let the strippers answer the door. Gemini May 21-June 21 Mounting credit card debt will force you to finally knock off all the ridiculous bulk porn DVD purchases. Everything’s online now anyway, silly goose. Cancer June 22-July 22 Nobody wants to hear your Michael Clarke Dunkin’ Donuts pitch. Leo July 23-August 22 Your sexual energy is at its pinnacle during this moon cycle. Hopefully that explains all the stray animals circling your apartment.
Oct. 9, 2012
seeds. modern. alternative. entertainment.
LINCOLN HIP HOP SENSATION FINDS HOME AND PROGRESS AMONG HUSKER NATION INTERVIEW BY MITCH MCCANN
photo courtesy of the artist Ramon Diaz De Leon, better known by his emcee moniker ‘Brown’ spent his childhood bouncing between schools, but after a chance encounter with a Slim Shady track, he found his life’s work in hip hop. Determined to truly ‘make it’ Brown has enrolled in UNL’s Advertising program to gain some skills off the mic to present himself to the world at large. In 2011, Brown’s “Big Red Anthem” took the Cornhusker football fandom by storm, hitting over 250,000 views on YouTube. Brown (not Ramon) joined Seeds for a 1-on-1 behind the scenes. Seeds. Entertainment: Was there pressure to do a followup to “Big Red Anthem”? How much of it was something you wanted to do and how much something you had to do? Brown: There was a lot of pressure. We wanted the actual UNL marching band to record with us. We talked to the president of the music school and he was cool with it, but they got really busy and ended up not being able to do it -- [instead] we bought this program the EA Sports uses for NCAA games. It took us maybe three days to do the beat, but it was three days of “we’re not going to bed.” It took us another three
days to write the lyrics, which was the hardest part [because] I didn’t want it to be the same as last year’s. I needed to make it timeless. A lot of people in athletics [said] “Don’t use names of these players...” That was one of the biggest things, getting down the history of Nebraska football and verifying dates. Different people have different ideas on dates. I actually did a lot of research for this song. There was a lot of pressure because Nebraska -- they’re about tradition. I didn’t think they would accept last year’s song and they did. I wanted to make the second one... to make it timeless, and the fact that I needed to added a lot of pressure. SE: Research and hip hop don’t normally go together. Finding something that rhymes with 1997...? Brown: You know, it doesn’t. It took some time. That was a first. SE: Day one. Do you remember your first exposure to hip hop? Brown: You never touched the radio in my parents’ car, but one day I was messing with it and it came to a hip hop radio station and I remember [Eminem’s lyrics] “Hi. My name is. What? My name is. Who?”
And I was blown away. My dad’s like, “It’s the Devil’s music.” This was in Atlanta, Georgia. I remember walking into a pawn shop that was maybe a block away from my house and they had the Slim Shady LP. It was on tape, and I bought it. The lady didn’t want to sell it to me because I wasn’t old enough, obviously, but I was like, “Look lady. I got money, you got a tape. Let me buy it and we’ll both be happy.” I ended up giving her five dollars extra. I memorized every lyric. I listened to every single song on repeat. Side A’s done. Turn it around to Side B. That was my very, very first exposure to hip hop.To this day, I respect Eminem. That was the first person I ever listened to; after that I wanted to do that too. SE: One of the main things I wanted to speak with you about was your song “Letter to the Mexican Youth.” Do you feel hip hop has an increased responsibility to give back? Brown: I think a lot of hip hop artists come from hard childhoods. I mean, I had a hard childhood growing up; we moved around a lot, and there’s a lot of things I’m not going to sit around with you and talk about that also shaped me as a person. One of [those] things was the fact that I was a minority. Different things happened, and I made a lot of bad choices... because I was with a bunch of thugs. I see that now, because I’m older and I know things now that I didn’t know then, so I look at Mexican kids that are just like me. [I met] this one kid that really, really influenced that song [through] my mom. [He was] already tatt[oo]ed up, he has three dots by his eyes and “13th Street” all on his arms. This kid’s, like, 14, 15 years old. I look at him and [think], “I was you a few years ago -- obviously I didn’t get tatt’ed up -- but mentally I was you. One day you’re going to realize getting tatt’ed up with stupid things like that really ruins your life.” I think when I wrote that song it was aimed towards: “I’m a Mexican kid, just like you. I’m doing all these things. I’m taking advantage of what this great country has given to me. And if you’re here right now and you’re not getting your ass in gear, you’re not proving to America that you deserve to be here. If you’re not a hardworking person with good intentions, you need to get the fuck out.” That’s why America has that stigma of Mexican people, people like that. It’s like, “Look, guys, if you’re not here to represent who we CONTINUED ON PAGE 11
“Same Love” exposes hip hop’s flaws
The funkiest Nebraska act in the biz
Looper above all else
This section is intended to provide an alternative source of entertainment news to the University of NebraskaLincoln student body and the community of Lincoln.
Entertainment Editor Assistant Ent. Editor Gabe Potter Daniel Stier firstname.lastname@example.org email@example.com
Writers Annie Bohling Kyle Brown Jacob Fricke Robert Jellison Sean Stewart Patrick Wright
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INTERVIEW are, just get out. There’s no point in you ruining what we’re fighting for.” We all have an opportunity here. Our parents brought us here so we would have an opportunity that we wouldn’t have in Mexico. What the hell are you doing? Everything your parents worked for is for nothing: you’re not going to school, trying in school, doing all these dumb things. It may be a little harsh, it... yeah, it is pretty harsh (laughs). But it’s the truth! Where I went to school, at [Lincoln] Northstar, we now have the highest rate of Mexican American students in the whole city. Well, we also have the lowest graduation rate in the whole city. I look at that and think, “Damn, that’s scary.” I got approached by my principal there and my old advisor. [They needed me] to do something, talk to these students. So they sat me down in a room with everyone who signed up to go, and we had a packed house. I [said], “Look, I went from being a little thug [sitting] in the corner to having to think about now owning a business. I’m in school, I’m doing music. I have a lot of things that are going on with me.” I feel like I’m a great example of how people can achieve things. When I talked to them it was really heartfelt. They talked to me like they were talking to their friend. It wasn’t a teacher who was getting on their case. I was
BROWN: FROM 9
PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ARTIST | SEEDS.
just another guy that was brown like them. Things really changed: they saw a lot of progress in grades and stuff like that. There were five or six of the people that really stood out in that meeting, who are actually enrolled at [SCC and UNL.] It’s the greatest feeling ever. Our latino community at UNL isn’t that big, and I [helped those kids.] I’m not asking for anyone to praise me, but in my heart I [feel I] did that, I helped these people to do something big. SE: You can get however many album downloads, but actually seeing a tangible difference that you’ve made is huge. Brown: Exactly. An actual thing that I made happen through things that I wrote down. It’s big, dude. It’s crazy. It’s insane. SE: You got into Marketing
in an effort to market yourself, correct? Because you are your business, essentially. Brown: Yeah -- to market and advertise myself, my parents’ restaurant. Yeah, I am my business. It’s weird to be your own business, because you always need to know how to act in front of different people. Like right now, with you, I’m Brown. I’m telling you about what I do. But when [you and I] had class together, I’m Ramon. I can tell about the dumb things that happened to me, I talked to you like a normal person. It’s hard to get that difference. When I’m with my friends, I have to watch how I act or what I think. Something I may say as Brown, I would never say to my friend Heavy as Ramon. It gets weird. Think about it: if you’re
going to be in the entertainment business, it’s going to be like that for everybody. It’s probably going to get worse. I think I definitely have a bigger ego when I’m talking as Brown and a lot more humble when it comes to being Ramon. That’s just the way things are; you have to present yourself as a professional person or nobody is going to respect you or do business with you. That’s something I’ve learned, even though I’m unsigned. I have to be as professional as a signed artist. Almost having that split personality type deal... that kind of sounds crazy. I’m not crazy (laughs). SE: You do a lot for Lincoln and for this school. What has Nebraska given you that you feel the need to so passionately give back?
Brown: I think it’s a home. I moved around a lot as a kid. My dad did construction, so he had to go wherever the jobs took him. I never really had a place to call home. I know a lot of my friends, like Heavy, my producer -- he lived in the same house his whole life. Never left. He has friends that he met in preschool. I don’t have that. I don’t remember who I went to school with. I don’t remember names, I don’t remember faces, I don’t remember an actual bedroom that I owned to myself. It was tough. We were moving every semester, not even a full year in school. “Semester’s up? Time to go.” Home was with my family, home is where your family is; I’m speaking more about “this is where I grew up.” I never really had that until I came to Nebraska. My family opened their restaurant up, and that’s what we had. That was our way to eat. So when I came to Lincoln I actually felt at home. It’s not huge, it’s not small -- it’s just right. Nebraska people are the nicest people in the whole wide world. I don’t ever plan to leave it; I feel like, if anything happens with music... I’ll be traveling, but I’ll always come back here. After “Big Red Anthem,” I can go anywhere in Nebraska and somebody will take care of me (laughs). This is my community.
“Same Love” | Hip hop & Homosexuality Mitch McCann seeds. Political stirrings in the hip hop community are not something new. Being one of the youngest and most contentious genres, many still consider hip hop to be in its adolescent growing pains. But while some pillars of the community have emerged to mark momentous shifts in its growth, the genre itself is still struggling. Progression is natural, no matter how people react to it. Whether that progression is the inclusion of synth-heavy beats and overly-digitized production of “Radio Rap” or the current trend of the hip hop community being forced to acknowledge its gay members (or possibly even homosexuality in general), new attitudes have given the music community pause. Earlier this year, rising hip hop sensation Frank Ocean revealed to his fans that loved a man with this statement: “4 summers ago, I met somebody. I was 19. He was too. We spent that summer, and the summer after, together. Everyday [sic] almost. And on
COURTESY PHOTO | SEEDS.
the days we were together, time would glide.” This momentous, and personal, step by Ocean, a member of the juvenile and id-fueled hip hop collective Odd Future, caused a stir, begging the comments of every artist from Snoop Dogg to Stevie Wonder. It was a potentially disastrous move for Ocean’s career, especially considering it was prior to the release of his debut studio album “Channel Orange.” But why is that the case? Why would an artist revealing a tidbit of their personal life affect record sales in the slightest? Telling the world your sexual orientation should not be seen as
a PR stunt, because it shouldn’t be news. Contemporaries of Ocean’s, Seattle-born rapper Macklemore and colleague Ryan Lewis, debuted their “controversial” video for single “Same Love” on October 3rd, releasing the song in support of same sex marriage equality. The video serves as a strong statement to the hip hop community and America at large, to drop their homophobic tendencies and accept their friends and neighbors for who they are: human beings, just like them. Lyrics like “If I was gay I would think hip hop hates me. / Have you read the YouTube com-
ments lately?” are just a taste of the hate Macklemore is trying to bring awareness to. He admits, in the song’s opening verse, to thoughts he may have been gay as a child “Because I could draw / my uncle was / and I kept my room straight,” only to be sated by his mother because “Ben, you’ve loved girls since before Pre-K.” “Same Love” urges fans to “press play, [not] pause” and support the growing acceptance of LGBTQ members and their allies. “No law’s gonna change us. / We have to change us,” he adds. If there were a community that would understand what it feels
like to have a word full of hate spewed straight into their face, it should be hip hop, yet as Macklemore points out: “‘Man, that’s gay’ gets dropped on the daily... / Call each other ‘faggot’ behind the keys of a message board.” While this argument is nothing new, the hate speech rampant in rap bares much of the blame for its pervasiveness in the community at large. Of course, the very YouTube comments which he derides are the source of much of the hate he rails against. The first thing everyone asks is, “Is Macklemore gay?” Somebody, hold me back. “America the brave still fears what we don’t know.” As an unabashed lover of hip hop, I get the strong sense that this may be a fight for the allies. Our friends and neighbors need our help, and without rappers like Macklemore and (sigh) Ocean’s bandmate, “Tyler, The Creator,” who are willing to stand up and say “so what?” to sexuality, human rights are in jeopardy. I applaud the steps that have been taken, but we still have so far left to go. It’s not marriage equality, it’s marriage. Same love.
“[Everyone] is more comfortable remaining voiceless rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen.”
Interview by Daniel Stier
PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ARTIST | SEEDS.
The Force is strong with More Machine Now Than Man. Every time they set foot on stage, inevitably pulling everyone in earshot onto the dance floor. It is something you can’t quite help, the funky beats, the R&B vibes, and of course the surprisingly deep voiced Deep-C, get you moving and not caring. Starting just this last January, MMNTM has been playing up and down the O Street strip, basements, and shows around Omaha, taking their message of love, sex, and the life of the Force with them wherever they go. Will Harman, a former UNL student, and his brother Cal Harman, the skinniest, illest drummer possible, find writing music a natural process as brothers, and that easily comes out in a MMNTM show. When the groove is going and never stops, it is easy to tell that the entire band is aligned in good, with lyrics that toy in the dark side. More Machine Now Than Man is a local band that is based in fun and allowing yourself to let go, give yourself to the funk and let the groove take you. Both Will and Cal sat down with Seeds. Entertainment to help give a little more guidance in the ways of the Force. Seeds Entertainment: What is in a name? Will Harman: I sent someone the answer to that the other day on Facebook, but I made it sound like it came from the bible. I said, “and Luke said unto Obi Wan, and Obi Wan said unto Luke”. SE: How much does Star Wars bleed into your “panty dropping” music, as one could call it, given your name? How much will it in the future? WH: (laughs) Well, we have one song that’s based pretty much on Star Wars, and the
name is just sort of a philosophy that drives everything. Kind of a way to live your life... SE: Are you talking about the Force? WH: Yeah, to me it’s a philosophical thing. But lately it doesn’t drive much [of our music], and even in the beginning it was just a way to name a band. Call Harman: Mostly because we didn’t have a name; we just needed some sort of a way for identification. WH: But there is also that built-in Star Wars fan base everywhere you go, so anyone that hears that or knows where things come from... they will be at least interested. And if they listen and we do our jobs and make it good, they’ll stick around. CH: It’s really just that one song. HW: Lately I have been trying to write another one. But it is mostly just about finding something, a good chorus that has something to do with Star Wars. It’s tough to say. SE: I know you two are brothers, so at first did playing in More Machine seem natural, or something you had to work at? WH: It seems pretty natural to me. I grew up playing the drums and I’m always pretty particular in the way the drum parts are supposed to be. Most of the time I don’t have to say much, it’s just me pointing to something where I don’t think Cal should be, then he goes to where I want him to. Sometimes he can think of where I want him to be even without me knowing that he should there. It’s all pretty natural. When we first started playing together, it was just jammin’ and figuring out how to transition from one part to an-
other. Then the second or third time we played together Ian Fleming, who wasn’t playing with us at the time, commented on how tight we were. Everything I did on the guitar, Cal was matching and visa versa. Without ever thinking about it, it’s already there. SE: How did Cal’s rapping get cemented as a fixture in the band? CH: You see, this is exactly why I wanted to be here. (laughs) I think it started with a song called “Infected.” That was the first one. It’s this kind of funky swing song, I guess. I can’t remember if Will asked me to write something, or what... WH: Well, Cal came up to me and said, “I think I’m going to write a verse for that and we’ll see how it goes,” and I just responded with, “Okay.” CH: Yeah, so I wrote this really dirty, lewd rap, a pretty inappropriate rap about being Deep-C and that persona. And after that, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep doing that. WH: A pretty inappropriate rap... (laughs) I think, after the first show, the main thing people kept saying was that they couldn’t believe such a deep voice was coming out of a little drummer. People seemed to really enjoy it. It was kind of a novelty thing at first, but the audience reaction made us keep it in. And it is funny. SE: How has been being deep-C changed your life? How do you perceive yourself as Deep-C? CH: I have some friends that call me Deep-C... I guess it’s funny. But it is weird for me. I have been telling Will this, that never in a million years did I think I’d be rapping in my musical ca-
reer. I enjoy hip-hop, but I never thought I’d be rapping. WH: As a white boy rapper, there has to be that element of comedy to it. It’s not ever to be taken seriously, and it’s not like he is up there talking about how he is the best rapper alive, but there is that humor to it. It’s funny -- that last couple times we have been on stage Cal goes, “Can you stop telling people give it up for Dee-C every time I rap?” And I’m all like, “No, I’m going to keep doing it, because thats what the honeys want to hear.” CH: To me, I’m only DeepC during my verses. After that I just go back to being the drummer. SE: So you just channel Deep-C? CH: Yeah... right, it’s an alternate persona. SE: When choosing covers to perform onstage, how did you come up with songs like “Say My Name”? Is it because they are indicative of your style or is songs you have a particular attachment to beforehand? WH: It’s both, really. I mean, the style fits really well and we always try to change them to help fit how we do things. But, there’s something about the verses -- there is that element of comedy when a group of guys get on stage and sing Destiny’s Child, and do it in a way that seems serious, but they don’t want to be taken seriously. Some think it’s over that top, but I think it’s funny when we sing women’s parts, especially with Tyler having such a wonderful falsetto. It really works. So the genre fits well, the element of comedy, and when I was a sophomore and junior in college we used to have these ridiculous parties. And “Say My Name” would
come on, and people would sing and dance all sloppy. I have some friends that remember that, so it’s nice to harken back to that time, but we are always looking for cover that fit the same category of comedy and throwing it back to oldschool R&B. SE: For someone who has never experienced a More Machine show before, what should they expect? Should they go to a show knowing they are going to be dancing whether they like it or not? WH: I think that’s kind of what we expect; we have crafted the shows to be, from the moment we get on stage to the moment we are done... the music doesn’t stop for very long, so the groove never stops. So we try to tailor the shows to be: you show up, have a couple drinks, and all of a sudden you realize there is a band on stage playing some good dance music. We never wanted to be up in people’s face about it. We never wanted to force people to get up and dance, or be so loud that it’s oppressive. We want to entice people to get up and dance and lose some inhibitions. We have gotten so tight at it. I can almost let the band just go and I can become this sort of MC and encourage people to dance. I can help them lose their inhibition about dancing in front of others. More Machine Now Than Man has a growing online presence on Facebook, Bandcamp, Reverbnation, and Hearnebraska.org. MMNTM is also a part of a growing group of artists that fly under the flag of Label Free, a growing record Label Started by Will himself. This band, with the determination of its members, is going places.
9th & O St
DEATH GRIPS: “NO LOVE DEEP WEB” Robert Jellison seeds.
Death Grips is the oddest band I know. For starters: they’re a rap group, but I probably couldn’t quote a single full line from one of their songs. It’s partly that none of their lyrics make sense, partly that half of the time they’re so slurred you can’t understand them anyway. With Death Grips, what they’re saying isn’t so important, it’s how they’re saying it: loud and angry. MC Ride’s unusual (incomprehensible) delivery style is the most attention-grabbing aspect of sophomore album “No Love Deep Web,” but as with their last, “The Money Store,” it’s the keyboards that hold it together. Death Grips can get away with making such otherwise-challenging music because the songs more often than not open with electronic hooks that are just plain catchy. Their samples are alternately
aggressive and pounding, light and spacey, but they’re downright addicting, and they save the album from unlistenability. On the first song, “Come Up and Get Me,” the vocals don’t even kick in for a full minute. The album’s highlights, “No Love,” “Bass Rattle Stars Out the Sky”, and the final and longest song, “Artificial Death in the West,” are similarly driven by the keyboards. In interviews prior to its release, the group described it as
“the heaviest thing we’ve made so far on many levels,” but has there ever been a band that described their upcoming album as, “nah, not that heavy, we’re playing it safe with this one”? Barring a few songs near the middle, “Stockton” and “Hunger Games” in particular, this isn’t too great a deviation from “The Money Store.” Which is a good thing, because “The Money Store” was fantastic formulation of the gritty electrohip hop. With the controversy around this album’s early release, it’s easy for the actual music to get lost in the shuffle, which isn’t fair. It’s pretty shocking for a band to leak their own album, and yeah, their choice in cover art is highly unusual (a large penis), but this is more than a publicity stunt. It’s full of catchy, solid songwriting, even if -- honestly guys -- no one has any idea what MC Ride is yelling about.
ZEDD: “CLARITY” Patrick Wright seeds. You probably couldn’t tell from his work, but Anton Zaslavski, a.k.a. Zedd, is relatively new to the electronic dance music (EDM) scene. For the past few years the German dance producer has been producing singles and remixing songs, including Skrillex’s “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites” and Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way,” all to high praise. It’s no surprise then that “Clarity,” Zedd’s first full-length album, is just as worthy of praise. The first thing that struck me about this album was the production quality. Zedd’s previous work has always been very crisp, and “Clarity” sounds as snappy as the album title suggests. The synths are clean enough to eat off of, and no details are lost, even when multiple sounds are competing for your attention. The trademark gritty bass line Zedd is known for is still there in
some songs, especially “Shave It Up” and “Codec,” but even that comes out crystal clear. While the production quality is astounding, the songs don’t slouch either. Zedd has never been one to follow the traditional format for an electronic song, and it’s a welcome change. “Fall Into the Sky” dives straight into the heavy beats, foregoing the entire buildup process most electronic songs take. “Hourglass” is a truly beautiful intro, with pianos heralding the album as a clock ticks away in the
background. While “Shave It Up” is a redone version of his previous single “Shave It,” the changes are actually noticeable as the end of the track swaps out synths for an orchestra, making an already incredible track better. Deadmau5 should take note. None of the tracks on “Clarity” stand out as, but there are a couple that miss the mark. If it wasn’t for Zedd’s trademark gritty bass line, “Codec” and “Stache” would feel like generic dance songs, and even then they still have that feeling. “Epos,” the closing track on the album, also feels a bit lackluster, especially after hearing OneRepublic’s Ryan Tedder on “Lost at Sea” or Foxes on “Clarity” halfway through the album. Despite a few small setbacks, Zedd’s first foray into full-length albums is largely a success. Zedd is taking a fresh approach to EDM music and Electronic producers should take note.
THE WALLFLOWERS: “GLAD ALL OVER” Kyle Brown seeds. I remember my first CD as a kid: 98 Degrees’ self-titled album. I also remember the first CD that I admit to people that I owned, which was The Wallflowers’ “Bringing Down the Horse.” Times were simpler back then, and The Wallflowers were my favorite band. Since the mid90’s the band has come out with a few small releases that never really hit the nail on the head like the song “One Headlight” did, turning The Wallflowers into another band that couldn’t grow out of their 90’s ballads. Times have changed now, and a new breed of The Wallflowers is here with full-length release “Glad All Over.” The group’s reunion album aims to bring the oncegreat band back to the top -- it breathes energy in every song, twisting and turning through new frontman Jakob Dylan’s raspy vocals. This time around The Wallflowers took a different approach to their music with a louder and more refined sound, starting off with rocking blues song “Hospital for Sinners.” “Glad All Over” goes on for four more songs, getting louder and stronger along the way. The great Clash guitarist Mick Jones lights up the song “Misfits and Lovers,” giving off an edge that Dylan can’t grasp. Six songs in, “Love Is A Country” comes on and the album slows down, reminding us that this is a Wallflowers album. The song is slow, and precisely put together like an earlier song of theirs, just better; leading up to two songs about heaven and hell: the first being all about showing mercy, and the latter based entirely on walking a fine line with the devil. After those songs the al-
bum gives way to The Wallflowers that we came to love in the 90’s, though I don’t mean that it replays or tries to recreate songs like “One Headlight.” The album slows down and gets dark, even as you’re waiting for it to speed up. The album wants to keep going, and I know I want it to play on and on. Instead it just stops, leaving that soft feeling the Wallflowers used to give me as a kid. If you really want to get your listening experience out of this album, put it on loop and listen until you feel like the album is over. When the album picks back up at the beginning with “Hospital for Sinners,” it’s like magic. I have never listened to an album that can restart right after the last song and sound better than the first time listening to it. The band has really done the best work in their twentythree years together. “Glad All Over” gives off the feeling of a living, breathing entity, and as a whole plays out like a dramatic movie you can’t stop watching. It’s sad and depressing. It’s something you’ve never heard before. It’s angsty and even scary at times, but it’s never bad. I’ve listened to this album over and over the past week, and I haven’t been able to find a song that I don’t think fits. It gives you that warm feeling of home that only a band like The Wallflowers can provide.
TILLY AND THE WALL: “HEAVY MOOD” Annie Bohling seeds. Prior to listening to their brand new album, “Heavy Mood,” I was not familiar with Tilly and the Wall, a band from Omaha. Does that make me more biased or less? I did, however, listen to this album more than a couple of times. And let me tell you: it’s not that great. The vocals continually turn me off, which for me is always enough reason to not listen to a band at all, though there is some decent harmonizing on quite a few tracks. They try to match [female] vocals to their edgy, modern, indie-
rock sound, but the singing sounds monotone and boring throughout. It seems like they are—especially with the vocals--imitating The Sounds, but not with a lot of success. A lot of Tilly and the Wall’s songs give the vocals an echo-y quality, as if they were being blared through a megaphone. I’m convinced this is to distort the sub-par singing. On the other hand, the band does play well together, and the cohesiveness of the final product is worth mentioning. The instrumentals are very good; they are inventive and diverse. The drums are the strength of this album—the glue, you could even say. They give solidity to the songs as they are
starkly defined, always on cue, and in sync with the rest of the instruments and sound effects. The album starts with an abrupt bang on the upbeat song “Love Riot.” This is obviously their first-song choice as it introduces a steady, hard, fast
beat and establishes their aim at indie rock with snappy beats, background vocals, and an array of instruments. Strangely, about halfway through the album, the sound becomes extremely 80s-influenced, bringing in the bulk of their special effects, more percussion and more keyboard playing. These songs are the worst on the album. The best song is “All Kinds of Guns”: choppy in a good way, with catchy background sounds carrying throughout, beats and percussion making a punchy presence, and vocals that are fitting and more interesting than in the other songs. This song offers the sort of dreamlike quality that they
tended to use prior to this album. The title song “Heavy Mood” has some decent instrumental aspects like drums, keyboard, and actual clapping, which makes it another upbeat song. It is the only song with primarily male vocals. The song is fast and hard, but it doesn’t do much or change at all throughout like I had hoped it would. Again, it’s a song that doesn’t quite grab me. Overall, the tracks are not too repetitive or similar to one another, and many songs involve smooth transitions to some interesting changes in the songs’ pace and style. It’s just too bad about those vocals.
HOMELAND: A SHOWCASE IN THE POWER OF ACTING Greg Bright seeds.
If there was any doubt about whether Damian Lewis and Claire Danes deserved to sweep the Emmys for their work on “Homeland,” episode one of the second season cast them aside. While it would be easy to credit the showrunners, “Homeland” seems to be the first show really led by the actors. Even “Breaking Bad,” which depends on a continuing brilliance of Bryan Cranston, doesn’t depend on Meryl-Streep-in-“Sophie’sChoice”-level acting like “Homeland.” The first episode,
entitled “The Smile,” refers to an, at best, three-second shot of Claire Danes smiling with complete joy. It is the perfect name for the episode, and the episode’s defining moment, but can you think of another show that would hinge its season premiere on a three-second glimpse of an actress grinning? It speaks volumes of the respect the writers, directors and producers feel for Danes and Lewis that they put the entire show on their shoulders. And unlike Danes’ character Carrie Mathison, the production crew never seems to back down, going about their business with an ease that must have every other
LOOPER: FILM REVIEW Mitch McCann seeds.
Mark my words, Rian Johnson has joined the elite of today’s working directors. Even before “Looper,” Johnson’s brilliant writer/director chops gave us top notch cinema in both ‘Brick’ (his debut and most critically acclaimed work) and Brother Bloom (a sly film that furthers Johnson’s love of cinema and exemplifies how to make it properly.) Outside of the big screen, Johnson has had audiences tugging their hair via his work behind the camera on two of Breaking Bad’s most contentious episodes, the asphyxiating “The Fly”and tense “Fifty One.” On this effort, Joesph Gordon-Levitt drops his leading man good looks to adopt some eerily Bruce Willis-esque prosthetics and mannerisms as her portrays a thirty year former version of Willis’ ‘Joe’ character (hmm.. I wonder which was cast first?) When it becomes impossible for the mob to properly dispose of their enemies in the year 2072, they solve their woes via the also highly-illegal practice of time travel. By reaching back into the year 2044, the mob recruits a few unsavory, youthful time assassins (known as Loopers) to dispose of mob waste from 30 years in the future. Loopers find a secluded area, wait for the mob to teleport the living saps back to 2044, do the deed, and dispose of the body; effectively erasing said body from existence. In 2044 Kansas, GordonLevitt, as young Joe, lives the same day over and over. He wakes up hungover from a night of partying, drives out to his secluded farmland execution point while learning French on tape (don’t ask), kills his mark, and goes out to party. Things are going as swell as you would expect until someone from the future starts “closing Loops,” meaning sending back the Looper’s future selves,
essentially marking their own death for 30 years in the future. The Loop closing leads to much distrust within the Looper organization and once Old Joe shows up in 2044 as a mark, Willis doesn’t seem too keen on going quietly. The story that follows is one of the most riveting works of science fiction of the year. Johnson’s masterful sense of story unfolds an entire future before his audience. All the threads are given to you, and the rest is up to you. Each of Rian Johnson’s full length directorial efforts have changed the genre for the better. Brick’s neo-noir feel brought Gordon-Levitt some well-deserved national attention. Brothers Bloom took the heist film inside out and came out looking like Christopher Nolan’s “The Prestige.” “Looper” plays with the same rules given to every other Sci-Fi effort to date, but Johnson’s brain won’t let the format fizzle. The journey you’re given is one of no idle plot. Drawing many comparisons to Nolan’s “Inception,” “Looper” is a bit of a thinker, but not sloggingly so. Nolan proved complex story lines can still be blockbusters, Johnson just took that format and gave it his subtle “Ocean’s 11”/flashy “The Thin Man” treatment. From the minute he turned on a camera, Johnson has been a director to watch. “Looper” is no exception.
actor in Hollywood cringing. That three-second shot? Pure television gold, a haunting yet human shot of Danes’ character finally reliving the joy she
hasn’t experienced since the season one finale. This moment perfectly captures why Mathison, even after all the events of season one, would return to the CIA. I can’t think of a single actress that could pull it off better than Danes. While Danes may own the premier’s defining moment, Lewis’s character doesn’t have it any easier. Whether he’s being pressured to steal valuable information in a hostile environment, having (some of) his secrets exposed, or dealing with how to fight the country which he feels betrayed him while also protecting his family who call it home, the script
hinges on Lewis’ abilities -and he delivers time and time again. In nearly every scene, Lewis seems to one-up his performance from previous ones. There doesn’t seem to be any range he isn’t able to reach. Season two starts six months after the events of season one, and opens with some very familiar shots of Arab protests at U.S. embassies. But while you may feel you understand it, the world of Homeland is very different from our own. However, these differences only work to strengthen the show’s overall focus on humanity, and that, my friends, is all in the power of the acting.
ALL TIME LOW: DON’T PANIC Patrick Wright seeds.
It’s safe to say that when All Time Low hit the big time with their previous album “Dirty Work,” they sold out. The majorlabel influence and sheer number of co-writers working on the album led to a release that was ultimately a letdown for long-time fans, myself included. Luckily, “Don’t Panic” seems to be reversing that trend. When Alex Gaskarth sings “We’ve seen it all before / but this one’s different” on song “Backseat Serenade,” he means it. Nothing on “Don’t Panic” is exceptionally groundbreaking for All Time Low, but it’s somehow different. The band has finally found the sweet spot between pop and punk, and they’re using it for all it’s worth. “So Long Soldier” and “So Long,
and Thanks for All the Booze” nail the punk sound found on 2007’s “So Wrong, It’s Right,” and it’s a welcome change to hear this side of All Time Low again after nearly losing it in the past two albums. “Somewhere in Neverland” and “The Reckless and the Brave” are both sure bets as sing-along stadium anthems. Unfortunately, the party side of All Time Low still remains in “The Irony of Choking on a Lifesaver,” but in small doses like this
it’s almost bearable. Almost. While the return to a punk sound is a welcome change, the lyrical improvement is even more so. Gaskarth has always been a great writer, but this time around he’s actually singing about something worthwhile. Whether singing about his displeasure with major record labels on “The Reckless and the Brave” or using Peter Pan to sing about getting away from the hassles of life on “Somewhere in Neverland,” Gaskarth shows he’s come a long way lyrically, and makes the album all the better. If you’ve never heard All Time Low before, this album may be their most accessible. After five years the band has finally found a perfect mix of pop and punk, and it’s sure to please new and old fans alike. This is All Time Low at their finest, and it’d be a shame to miss it.
BAD BOOKS: “II” Kyle Brown seeds.
Kevin Devine and the guys from Manchester Orchestra are at it again with their new album, simply titled “II” (2). It is the second album to come from Bad Books since their start in 2010, when Kevine Devine and fellow vocalist/guitarist Andy Hull started recording some of the songs they wrote together on the road. The musical genius hasn’t stopped since then. “II” is a fresh new indie rock album with tons of acoustic and electric layering, plus the lyrical flair we’ve come to expect from Devine and Hull. The new album is an introspective look at the world and the band members themselves. Every song tells a story. “Forest Whitaker” makes this especially clear, with the lyrics that command a breakup and want to rekindle the relationship. The lyrics proceed slowly and eerily, with the focus of the song being on an ex who just can’t let
go: an emotionally abusive person who just can’t seem to stop the harm inflicted on themselves and others around them. The album keeps this somber attitude throughout. It never lets up the introspection, and it makes you start to think about yourself more than the music. Even if you never had a cousin or a creek out back of your house, Bad Books will put you in that situation as if you are living it. The album i effective because the stories aren’t about other people doing wild and crazy things; they are about things that people deal with every day. Some songs are about
love, some are about family, but each and every song is about you. And not just listener you, who is merely going to hear to some guitar and vocals and drums. The songs are about emotional you, drawing out all of your feelings in order for forty minutes. Even with many of the songs filled with slow, selfloathing lyrics, they aren’t negative in an “I hate myself” way, but rather in a way that is relatable and empathetic. I’ve always had a hard time describing Bad Books to other people. They are a band that you have to listen to personally to be able to understand, as everyone I know takes a different meaning away from each of their songs. You can’t take something so personal and try to dissect it for everyone. I’ve never lived your memories, but Bad Books likely has. If you don’t believe me, pick up “II” and learn to feel again.