CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE...CHANGE YOUR LIFE
24/seven Living Life Every Day
EMBRACE RELEASE HEAL… THE ENERGY AND EMOTION OF CANCER
HEALING LOSS: GRIEF AND DEPRESSION DISCOVER YOUR PASSION TIPS TO REDUCE STRESS
24/seven June 2011
6 Understanding Your Value IN EVERY ISSUE
8 Energy, Emotion And The Vibration Of Cancer
From The Editor ……………………5
12 Post Mastectomy Reconstruction
Off The Field ……………………...30
Show News …………………….…32
Food For Thought …………………34
Transformation From The Outside In ………………………….43
Healing Loss: The Difference Between Grief And Depression
21 When Illness Becomes Your Ally: Release, Restore, Radiate
22 My Life With The Saints: Mother Theresa
25 The Top Ten Ways To Tell The Truth
26 Six Steps To Managing Your Stress
28 Menopause Weight Gain
37 Discover Your Purpose And Passion Through Harmony
On the Cover Star of The Secret and Law of Attraction expert, Dr. Joe Vitale, was a guest on CYACYL to talk about the concept of the Law of Attraction and the challenges he personally overcame to become the person he is now. Once homeless, unemployed and bankrupt, there were times when he considered ending his life. Dr. Vitale never gave up his dream of becoming a published author. Today he has published books, made celebrity appearances in movies such as The Secret, and has been a guest on national television shows. “What pulled me through was the hope that maybe tomorrow would be different,” said Dr. Vitale. “Thank goodness that I didn’t end my life because if I had, I would have missed out on a career and a life that is phenomenal. That only came because I dusted myself off, took a breath, got my backbone strengthened, and said ‘I’m gonna do it one more day.’” Listen to Joe’s interview: www.cyacyl.com/podcasts
41 A Date To Remember
46 Live Longer And Healthier
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FROM THE EDITOR
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life. – Unknown
PUBLISHER/EDITOR Joan Yuppa Herrmann GRAPHIC DESIGNER Sara Zangara CONTRIBUTORS
Embracing Change. These are two words that we usually do not use in combination. We do anything but embrace change. Some of us spend our entire lives trying to resist it. Change scares us to death. Many people stay in dead-end jobs or unfulfilling relationships because they are afraid of the unknown. The irony about our approach is that no matter how hard we try to avoid it, change is inevitable; it is a part of life. Without change we become complacent, stagnate, wither, and eventually die, spiritually, emotionally and physically. We tend to think of change as something negative…perhaps that’s because we seldom notice and appreciate the good in our lives; the times when we are happy. Those moments float by without any fanfare. It’s the dark moments that encapsulate our being and become the most defining and transformative for us. While it is not easy, surviving the worst experiences of our lives will make us stronger. One of my favorite quotes is by Mother Teresa, “I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much” (read about Mother Teresa on page 22). While she ended the quote with a joke, the lesson is important - with faith, determination, and a positive attitude, you can get through anything. You can view change as the end of the world or as the beginning of a new life. The choice is yours.
Tanya L. Brown Chrissy Carew Allison Fishman Leigh Fortson Brian Glatt, MD, FACS Steve Goodier Mojdeh Haghverdi, MD Robert Irvine James Martin, SJ Eric Murphy, CPT, PES, CES Judith Orloff, MD Joel Osteen Jane Ruffo Rudy Ruffo Michael Sapienza, DC Deb Shapiro Ed Shapiro Julia Valentine
BUSINESS OFFICE/ ADVERTISING PO Box 165 Little Falls, NJ 07424 www.cyacyl.com Change Your Attitude...Change Your Life: 24/seven is a free magazine published monthly by Maximilian Communications. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the Publisher.
The opinions and views appearing in CYACYL 24/seven are not necessarily the views of the publisher. The publisher is not responsible for products and services advertised. Every effort is made to present the information accurately.
COPYRIGHT © 2011 MAXIMILIAN COMMUNICATIONS, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Understanding Your Value By Joel Osteen
rowing up, I played baseball all through little league and junior high. I always made the All-Star Team. Like any little league player, I dreamed of playing second base in the big leagues. But when I got to high school, it was a whole new level of talent. I came from a very large high school. There were 800 people in my graduating class. When I tried out for the baseball team, there were 150 other young men trying out for 20 positions on the team. I'll never forget the day the coach called us into the gym to tell us who made the team. He began to call out the names one by one. I didn't hear my name, but I was sure I was going to be next, or next, or nextâ€Ś The more names he called out, the lower I sank. He finally said, "Alright, here's the last name." He called it out, and it wasn't my name. I was so disappointed. He told me later, "Joel, I'd love to have you on the team. You're just too small. You're not big enough." Back then I was very small. I grew six inches after high school. Over the next few weeks and months, those words rang out in my mind again and again. "You heard what the coach said. You're too small. There's something wrong with you. You're not good enough." Have you noticed
how the negative voices will always play the loudest? If you don't take control of your thought life, then every hurt, every criticism, every derogatory comment will play again and again. I was tempted to be insecure, to feel inferior, and lose my confidence. But I had to keep reminding myself, "He may have said I'm too small, but I know God made me like I am on purpose. He may have said I'm not good enough, but God says I'm a masterpiece. They may have rejected me, but God says He accepts me." It says in 1 Peter 2:9, "You have been chosen by God Himself." People may leave you out. People may overlook you. But always remember, the One who matters most chooses you. That means you weren't randomly chosen. God, on purpose, looked at you and said, "I choose him. I choose her. They're My son. They're My daughter. That's who I want on My team." People may tell you, "You're just too small." But God says, "You're just the right size for Me." People may say, "You're not talented. We don't need you. You don't have anything to offer." But God says, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are talented. You are creative. You are anointed. You are smart. You are intelligent. You are amazing."
Whenever we feel that sting of rejecbase didn't work out. But do you know tion, instead of getting down on our30 years later, I did stand at second selves and losing our sense of value, base at Yankee Stadium? I wasn't our attitude should be, "I may be displaying baseball. God had something appointed. This may hurt. But I'm not else for me to do. God opened the going to sink down into self-pity and door for our ministry to conduct a start thinking that there is something Night of Hope event, and I was able to wrong with me. I know the One who stand boldly on second base and tell matters most, the One who controls thousands of people about God's goodthe universe, handpicked me. I may ness and His good plan for their lives. not have been chosen by the coach, It was a time I will never forget and the boss, or a friend, but I was chosen was one of the greatest moments of by the Most my life. High God; and Friends, people He says that His People may leave you out may reject you, plans for me are but God accepts and overlook you…but for good and you. He's already not evil, to give always remember the one chosen you, and me a future and He's the One that a hope." who matters most chose matters most. He I know some of you. you have gone through more than your share of unfair situations. But here's what I've learned. Even though life is not fair, God is fair. If you will not go around thinking there is something wrong with you, but instead start seeing yourself as handpicked by God – valuable, lovable, with something great to offer - then God said He will pay you back double for your former shame. That means He'll make the rest of your life twice as good as it would have been if that had never even happened to you. But you've got to dig your heels in. Don't allow what somebody did or didn't do steal your destiny and cause you to go through life feeling not good enough, not talented, not attractive. No, realize that you're a child of the Most High God. Your value doesn't come from people or accomplishments; it comes from your Creator. Put your shoulders back. Hold your head up high. Live with confidence. God said He will take what was meant for your harm and use it for your advantage.
CYACYL Heats Up In June
JUNE 12 MO WILLEMS
has a way of working everything out for our good! And it's always better than we could have ever imagined! 24/7 Joel Osteen is pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas – a vibrant and diverse church that Forbes calls the largest and fastestgrowing congregation in America. Joel shares a positive message of hope and encouragement that extends all around the world. Joel's books, Your Best Life Now and Become a Better You, quickly became #1 New York Times bestsellers and are distributed worldwide in several languages. If you would like to receive articles by Joel Osteen directly to your inbox, visit www.joelosteen.com.
JUNE 19 JUDGE ALEX
Copyright © 2011 by Joel Osteen. All rights reserved. Used by permission. International copyright secured.
If you will keep this attitude of faith, God will always give you the last laugh. He'll get you where you're supposed to be. No, I didn't get chosen for the baseball team that year. My dreams of playing second
Energy, Emotion And The Vibration Of Cancer By Leigh Fortson
After her third cancer diagnosis in three years, Leigh Fortson was given few options by her doctors and little hope for a bright future. For weeks, she mourned the life she thought she was losing—until she was introduced to an idea that changed everything: Our thoughts and emotions influence every cell in our body. Embrace, Release, Heal shares insights into the power of our mind-body connection, inspiring stories from people who survived cancer after being given a terminal diagnosis, and interviews with 20 experts on progressive cancer treatments.
still marvel at the concept that everything is energy. The first time I heard the idea, I couldn’t quite grasp that I am nothing more than antimatter. I’m a material girl, after all. I mean, I have a body, and it’s very real. I know that especially when I experience extreme pain or pleasure. I drive a car, and it’s solid as steel, right? It even has safety devices like air bags, so if I’m in a collision, this very real body of mine won’t get battered. Then, of course, I live in a house that is strong enough to keep out fits of stormy weather. So what’s all this business that everything is nothing but energy? Experts say it’s pretty simple. Everything on our planet, including our bodies, cars, homes, all that accumulated stuff, and everything both seen and unseen, reduces down to particles of energy. Dense energy is represented through physical forms like our bodies, rocks, trees, and so on. Likewise, nonphysical energy is represented through air, light, thoughts, emotions, and spirit. People reflect both physical and nonphysical energy. When you really and truly absorb this concept, then you accept that cancer is energy, too. Here’s how I think it plays out: Our physical bodies are cauldrons of nonphysical energy. Our minds are the opening through which nonphysical energy passes. The flow doesn’t stop at the site of the brain. It pours down into our bodies, feeding them with the nature of our thoughts and emotions— the nonphysical stuff.
Thoughts and emotions have an innate frequency or vibrational tone, which is absorbed throughout our bodies. There isn’t just a tiny opening between our minds and our bodies that secretes a slight bit of currency from one arena to the next, thus creating the famous “mindbody connection.” (That term always feels to me like it is shortchanging a magnificent marriage.) Rather, there is a continuous surge of messages circulating between the physical body and the nonphysical mind. In short, the brain receives physical needs and sensations from the body, while the body captures the quality of the frequency within the mind. Every organ within us, every fiber, cell, molecule, bone, and fluid— everything that makes up our organic chemistry—is party to the energy either generated in or filtered through the mind. Our minds and bodies make up a single—albeit complex—unit made up of nonphysical energy and biological matter constantly at play with each other. Most of us believe that our thoughts are isolated and heard only by the perceiver within (which can include God). Our minds are the most private place we occupy. Even the people closest to us, the ones we love and exchange intimacies with, can never know the breadth and depth of the thoughts and feelings we entertain, dodge, fear, indulge in, aspire to, or harbor. Our minds, however,
are not isolated; they are married to our bodies, the mouthpiece of our consciousness. Our bodies can speak volumes, not only about lifestyle and eating habits, but also about what’s stored in the most secret and remote corners of our consciousness. No one but the self really knows what goes on inside the mind, but the body can decode the energetic tone and reveal it through physical imbalances and illness. It’s easy to recognize this dynamic. When we worry, we can’t sleep, and we may develop headaches or, eventually, an ulcer. Likewise, when we feel love and joy, there’s a noticeable lilt in our step; we enjoy unlimited energy, and eventually, we experience fewer and fewer physical discomforts. Sometimes, they disappear completely. Our bodies enable us to know what’s being conjured in our minds. How would we know we were sad if we didn’t experience a heaviness in our arms and legs? How would we know we were afraid if the pit of our stomach didn’t tighten? How would we know the depth of our love if we didn’t feel it in every cell of the body? Our bodies are the greatest gauges for informing us about ourselves. The emotional quality (or vibration) in which we dwell is the product of feelings and thoughts. A feeling doesn’t happen on its own. It’s the physical expression of thought. Yet our
thoughts are lightning fast, and often they knock around in our subconscious mind—a place we can’t hear very well. This means that we often aren’t even aware of the thoughts that we embrace or the vibration we carry. But our bodies tell it all. It’s important to pay attention to how we feel. Our thoughts will evade us, but our feelings are easy to identify. If we feel bad and allow those bad feelings to persist, they will probably settle into the body, which will soon enough articulate those thoughts and feelings through illness or disease. This isn’t to say that we can never again think a thought that makes us feel bad. That’s part of being human.
The question is, how often or how long do we entertain those thoughts? Some people get a thrill out of feeling bad. Many are addicted to drama. Look at the movies, video games, and television shows that add to a mounting mistrust of others. It’s essential to pay attention to how we feed the fears we possess. It’s important to discern whether we’re protecting our fears because we believe they will somehow protect us from the forces “out there.” It’s much easier to justify fear than to release it, especially if we feel like it’s a necessary and important armor in a world gone mad. Fear delights in all the things that separate us from others and from our-
selves. It uses blame, helplessness, I’ve always been an upbeat person. After powerlessness, anger, resentment, my first diagnosis, it was hard for me to judgment, cruelty, guilt, shame, and buy into the idea that my vibration creall the other “negative” emotions to ated the disease. People who know and keep itself alive. These feelings are love me consider me to be positive and honest indications that the thoughts we optimistic, and they often said, “You are are thinking, whether we’re aware of the most positive person I know. How them or not, could cancer be are not serv- .When we consider that there a product of ing our your thoughts? higher pur- are millions of people on It doesn’t make pose. any sense.”
antidepressants, millions more who cradle no excitement for life, and still more millions who numb their anguish with addictions to drugs, alcohol, comfort food, pornography, sex, or video games, it’s no wonder that cancer affects nearly half of our population. It’s easy to recognize that our bodies are crying out on behalf of our souls.
Thankfully, thoughts are fluid, and we can change them. Yet since thoughts are so slippery, and more often than not doggedly habitual, it’s easier simply to work on changing our feelings. When we commit to focusing on things that make us feel better, we elevate the energetic tone within.
This is simple, but not necessarily easy, especially when we believe that our negative thoughts and feelings are justified. (And who doesn’t?) Still, the payoff for committing to releasing negative thoughts and giving ourselves to positive ones is huge. People have a hard time with this concept because they are accustomed to thinking that things happen randomly and believing that we live in a world where we are all victims of genes, karma, or circumstance. Certainly these are influential, but I believe that more often than not, we create our emotional and physical imbalances because of where we dwell energetically. Sometimes we dwell in these places out of habit; sometimes we do so because we don’t adequately express our emotions, and they get locked up in our cells.
At first, it didn’t make sense to me either, but when I really and truly monitored my feelings and camped out in the wilderness of my mind—a place that only I can go—I began to recognize some discreet but ubiquitous demons. I had lived with them my entire life, and so I thought they were normal. The king of them all, and the one who fathered the lesser ones, has always been fear. I’ve done a lot of work to release myself from fear, and I’ve come a long way. Now that my body is relieved of much of it, I feel lighter, freer, more relaxed, and far more energized. It’s stunning to me now that I’d thought being clenched in my gut, stiff in my shoulders, and always on alert was simply a normal way of being. I believe my cancer was, in part, a result of a low energetic tone I harbored inside myself. I believe much of my healing came about by exchanging those low frequencies for higher ones. On the one hand, by taking an honest inventory of our inner environment, we can determine if our thoughts yield feelings of depression, anger, sadness, or any other outcroppings of fear. If so, cancer may well be the clarion call for a new mind-set. When we consider that there are millions of people on antide-
pressants, millions more who cradle no excitement for life, and still more millions who numb their anguish with addictions to drugs, alcohol, comfort food, pornography, sex, or video games, it’s no wonder that cancer affects nearly half of our population. It’s easy to recognize that our bodies are crying out on behalf of our souls. On the other hand, when we do whatever’s necessary to foster feelings of joy, contentment, appreciation, playfulness, tenderness, compassion, generosity, and love for others and ourselves, we create the best possible environment, both internally and externally, for cancer to resolve itself. If you honestly believe that your vibration dwells in the attributes of love, and you’ve still contracted cancer, it could be due to an external environmental toxin, an inherited gene gone bad, or an enigmatic spiritual necessity. The mystery can be confounding, but trusting the process, the reason, the meaning, is essential. Hating what is and blaming others or yourself only exacerbate the intensity of the experience and feelings of hopelessness. Allowing yourself to grow into whatever happens, whatever will be, without dwelling in rage or regret is a great act of courage and love that results in peace. May we all be blessed with that kind of peace when we cross from this world to the next. 24/7
Leigh Fortson is the author of Embrace, Release, Heal. She has coauthored and edited numerous books about health, nutrition, and alternative medicine. She spent decades learning about and practicing healthy lifestyle habits and was shocked to find out in 2006 that she had cancer. Today she has a clean bill of health and lives in Colorado with her family. www.embracehealingcancer.com
Post Mastectomy Reconstruction By Brian S. Glatt, MD, FACS
he term “plastic” in plastic surgery comes from the ancient Greek word “plastikos”, which means to shape or mold. The field of plastic surgery has advanced so much that many parts of the body can now be nearly perfectly restored after surgery, injury, or disease, or to correct many birth defects. This is especially true in the field of breast reconstruction, where plastic surgeons continue to develop and refine techniques to recreate a woman’s breast following mastectomy. Whether faced with a new diagnosis of breast cancer or in the case of a woman’s choice for prophylactic mastectomy (such as following positive results for the BRCA gene mutation, “the breast cancer gene”), one fact remains constant. It is in the best interest of all patients that information regarding the availability of breast reconstruction be provided early, certainly well before undergoing a mastectomy. The key to receiving information about all of the choices available is to assemble a team of physicians. This team should include your primary care physician, gynecologist, breast surgeon, oncologist and/or radiation oncologist and a board certified plastic surgeon. This group of medical pro-
fessionals, working in concert with you, will assure you of coordinated care and help you to explore all treatment options available, resulting in the most beneficial outcome. Alarmingly, without this team approach, nearly 70 percent of women who are candidates for breast reconstruction following mastectomy are not even informed that reconstructive options exist, with the percentage being even greater for minority women. Not every woman who undergoes a mastectomy opts for breast reconstruction; some choose to wear an external prosthesis (breast form) inside their bra. However, each year tens of thousands of mastectomy patients in the United States choose to have breast reconstruction as a part of their recovery. The best way to explore your options is to schedule an appointment with a board certified plastic surgeon who has experience with breast reconstruction. This consultation, which should take place prior to mastectomy, will provide the information necessary to make an informed decision and should include an outline of options, a recommendation of a course of treatment, and a discussion of risks and complications. The decision to have breast reconstruction is a personal one, and should be based on each patient’s
unique medical situation while giving careful consideration to both the surgery and the post-operative recovery. The most basic goal of breast reconstruction surgery is the formation of a breast mound. Most women then choose to have reconstruction of the nipple and areola, a process that almost always takes place several months after the primary breast reconstruction. If only one side is affected, then surgery on the opposite breast, such as an augmentation, lift or reduction, is also frequently required in order to properly match the size and/or shape of the reconstructed breast. This would also take place several months after primary breast reconstruction, sometimes at the same time as nipple/areola reconstruction. There are two main types of breast reconstruction. The most common procedure uses an implant filled with saline (salt water) or silicone gel, to rebuild the breast mound. An alternative is to create a breast mound using your own tissue, “borrowed” from another part of the body. After a thorough discussion about various types of reconstructive options, your personal preference as well as your physical characteristics and body type will play a role as to which procedure will be most appropriate for you.
Most women who have had a mastectomy are candidates for breast reconstruction. There are different ways for breast surgeons to perform a mastectomy; these vary in the types of skin incisions made.
thus maximizing the ultimate aesthetic outcome.
Breast reconstruction is a positive experience for the vast majority of women who undergo this procedure. Many find they can wear all types of Sometimes it is possible to preserve clothing, including more revealing almost all the skin while completely styles, with complete confidence. The removing the underlying breast tissue. goal is for it to be difficult for anyone This “skin-sparing” mastectomy alto tell which side has been reconlows for better overall cosmetic results structed when you are dressed. with reconstrucBreast recontion since the struction is ...the choice is yours and scars on the breast elective surare minimal. Of- yours alone to make. gery and not ten the nipple is essential for unable to be prelong life, served in a mastectomy being perhowever, with the passage of The formed for breast cancer, since the Women’s Health and Cancer Rights nipple is part of the breast tissue and Act of 1998, all health insurance plans may harbor cancer cells. However, In that cover mastectomies are required certain situations, there are now indito provide post-mastectomy and recations to have a nipple sparing masconstructive surgery benefits. In the tectomy even with a breast cancer dicase of unilateral (one-sided) mastecagnosis. The choice of mastectomy tomy, surgery on the opposite breast to incision, however, will ultimately improve symmetry between both come down to a discussion with your breasts is also a covered procedure. breast surgeon. As with any life-changing surgery, a If you have had radiation therapy to strong support system of family, the breast or if you will require it after friends and your personal team of physurgery, it may influence the type of sicians are invaluable throughout your reconstruction you can have. Chemojourney from diagnosis and surgery therapy, however, will usually not afthrough any subsequent treatment refect your ability to have breast reconquired. Organizations such as The struction, nor which method you may Susan G. Komen Foundation, Breast choose. Cancer Network of Strength, Image Reborn, Mothers Supporting DaughYou may begin reconstruction at the ters, Pink Ribbon Girls, Young Survisame time as mastectomy (immediate vors Coalition, and many others have reconstruction), or you may begin later local support groups that provide in(delayed reconstruction). Most formation from woman who have been women opt to begin breast reconstrucin the same situation as you. tion immediately (at the time of mastectomy) to minimize the negative efBreast reconstruction is intended to fect that mastectomy and a lack of a restore the appearance of your breasts breast mound can have on body imand to enhance your confidence and age. This timing also allows you to breast/body image after a mastectomy. avoid an additional surgical procedure The decision to undergo breast reconwith general anesthesia. struction is an individual one; there are many aspects to consider and a great Immediate reconstruction also affords deal of information to understand. you the opportunity to utilize as much of your natural breast skin as possible, There are physical and psychological
benefits to breast reconstruction, but you must be completely committed to the process from the beginning. If you are not sure if you are prepared to start reconstruction at the time of your mastectomy, remember that you can always choose to have breast reconstruction at a later date. Become well informed, trust your team, and remain proactive. The decision to undergo breast reconstruction requires careful consideration, but the choice is yours and yours alone to make. 24/7 Brian S. Glatt, MD, FACS is a premier, Board Certified Plastic Surgeon serving the New Jersey and New York Metropolitan Area. In addition to a loyal following of patients in the tristate region, people often travel from other parts of the country to see Dr. Glatt. Dr. Glatt has been chosen by his peers as a “Top Doctor” in New Jersey Monthly magazine, and the Consumers’ Research Council of America has chosen him as one of “America’s Top Plastic Surgeons”. He is a frequent media resource for plastic surgery topics and has appeared on ABC News, CBS News, CNN, E! News, and Entertainment Tonight. Dr. Glatt has been a featured speaker at many conferences and symposiums on topics ranging from breast reconstruction to cosmetic procedures. Magazines such as In Touch, Life & Style Weekly, Us Weekly and More magazine frequently consult with him to discuss cosmetic surgery relating to celebrities and the media. Dr. Glatt is Board Certified by the American Board of Plastic Surgery and is a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons (FACS). He is licensed to practice in New Jersey and New York and is a member of The American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) and the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (ASAPS). Dr. Glatt also serves as an assistant clinical professor in the Department of Surgery, Division of Plastic Surgery at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York. www.drbrianglatt.com
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MUCH OBLIGED By Steve Goodier
ike most parents, I taught my children to say "thank you" frequently and hoped that giving thanks might become a life habit. After all, silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. But I think that what I hoped to teach them was not simply to say thanks, but to feel it. I believe that thankful people are happy people.
as soon as she awoke each morning, she asked herself, “What is the first thing I can be grateful for today?” Sometimes the smell of earlymorning coffee perking in the kitchen found its way to her room. On those mornings, the aroma prompted her to say, “Much obliged, Lord, for the coffee. And much obliged, too, for the smell of it!”
The late Dr. Fulton Oursler used to tell of an old woman Young Fulton who took care of grew up and left him when he was a “Yes, we’ll get our home. One day child -- a woman received a vittles, but it makes ‘em he who not only exmessage that pressed her thanks, taste better when we’re Anna was dying. but felt it. Anna was He returned a former American thankful.” home and found slave who, after her in bed with emancipation, was her hands folded hired by the family for many years. over her white sheets, just as he had seen them folded in prayer over her He remembered her sitting at the white apron at the kitchen table so kitchen table, her hands folded and her many times before. eyes gazing upward as she prayed, “Much obliged, Lord, for my vittles.” He wondered what she could give He asked her what vittles were and she thanks for at a time like this. As if replied that they were food and drink. reading his mind, she opened her He told her that she would get food eyes and gazed at the loving faces and drink whether or not she gave around her bed. Then, shutting her thanks, and Anna said, “Yes, we’ll get eyes again, she said quietly, “Much our vittles, but it makes ‘em taste betobliged, Lord, for such fine friends.” ter when we’re thankful.” Oursler was deeply influenced by She told him that an old preacher Anna’s uncanny ability to always taught her, as a little girl, to always find some reason to be "much look for things to be grateful for. So, obliged." This wise woman taught
him a secret that many people have never learned: she taught him how to be happy. 24/7
Steve Goodier is an ordained United Methodist minister and the author of numerous books about personal development, motivation, inspiration, and making needed life changes. He is the founder and publisher of Your Life Support System, an e-zine in existence since 1999. Steve writes a syndicated newspaper column and has produced a daily inspirational radio program. He has taught and counseled people through life changes and spiritual development for three decades. Together with his wife Bev, a professional counselor and small group leader, he has led numerous workshops on relational, spiritual and inter-personal growth topics. They currently make their home in Salt Lake City, Utah. www.LifeSupportSystem.com
Healing Loss: The Difference Between Grief And Depression By Judith Orloff, MD
Depression is an emotion to be consciously transformed; grief is a reaction to loss that can transform you. Loss comes in many forms: the death of loved one, a pet, a job, a relationship. It’s a stripping away of a potent connection, leaving an aching emptiness inside. Despite grief’s agony, try to let it flow rather than attempting to change it or get it over with. Unlike depression’s emotional inertia, grief has an inherent healing trajectory that seeks to resolve itself. Choking grief off inhibits this forward motion and leads to depression. As I can attest, if we don’t shut down, grief can ultimately open the heart.
n January 24, 1982, I learned that my uncle Sidney had been murdered. A stoned teenage punk robbed him, then shot him point blank in the head, right after Sidney handed over the money in his business’s cash register. For over 30 years, Sidney and his brother Jerry had run “I. Orloff and Sons Furniture.” It was started in 1920 by my grandfather in South Philadelphia, an area that had disintegrated into a crime-infested ghetto. Uncle Sidney was a Humphrey Bogart lookalike who got into the role, calling his kids, wife, and me “Schweet-heart.”
proudly lugging a brand new plaid couch from his store up five flights of stairs, an act of utter devotion. Uncle Sidney’s caring eased my waves of homesickness for California. He’d sometimes just look at me and beam: “My niece, the doctor!” When I later finished medical school at USC, he wrote me, “Your graduation announcement holds a place of honor on my den table. What a pleasure to renew our lives when you arrived with your companion Pipe (my dog) in Philadelphia. Please thank your mother and my brother for raising such a precious human being.” Three years later, my father, pale as I’d never seen him, broke the news: “Sidney has been murdered.”
He was a modest, kind man. Everyone in the neighborhood adored him. When I moved to Philadelphia for medical school, Sidney helped me furnish my tiny one-room brownstone apartment overlooking the art museum. I remember watching him
In the next moments of numbing silence, I staggered with disbelief. How could this be? Dear Sidney who’d never wished anyone harm. Why would a complete stranger want to kill him? My grief at the death of my uncle set off a torrent of feelings in me
with a momentum of their own. Shock. Rage. Anxiety. Sadness. Losing someone who loved me so much, and whom I loved so deeply, was unthinkable. It took a while for this brutal reality to sink in. I yearned to talk to Uncle Sidney, hug him, eat dinner at his house. But none of these everyday intimacies that you think will always be there were possible anymore. Even now, over 20 years later, though I’ve accepted Sidney’s death, I still miss him. Some grief you never fully get over. To this day, pangs of grief continue to resonate through me, not as a burden, but as a widening portal into the compassion of what enduring love means. In psychiatrist Elisabeth-KublerRoss’s iconic book, On Death and Dying, she presents common stages of grief. Denial: “This can’t be happening!” Anger: “I’m furious about the loss or at everything.” Bargaining: “I promise I’ll be a better person if only you bring him back.” Depression: “I don’t care anymore. Life is too unfair. Why try at all?” Acceptance: “I’m coming to terms with what-is. I’m devastated but I can continue to keep loving.” We each have our own time frame with these stages. Over the year following Sidney’s murder, I experienced every one. Sometimes I wanted to grieve alone. Sometimes I wanted to talk about it. Always I kept looking to the night sky for answers, as I have since childhood. Its spacious splendor offered consolation by embracing me in a oneness that reunites all love and lovers. The stars had Sidney in them: I felt them shimmering through me, bringing niece and uncle in communion again. I’m thankful for the support of family, friends, therapist, and the heavens that cradled me though this anguished period. Depression can be a healthy stage of grieving, but people can get stuck there. What complicates grief is when it taps into early traumas or losses that
contributed to depression. A chronically ill parent; a volatile divorce; death of close relative or friend. Your current grief is compounded by depressions that preceded it. Tip-offs that this is happening include: - Grief becomes mired in depression rather than evolving or resolving. - Old traumatic memories intrude on the present; you can’t get them out of your mind. In such cases, it’s imperative to obtain psychological assistance so you don’t become lost in the limbo of these feelings. Beyond this, stay aware of ingrained, depression-related negative beliefs that may get reactivated by the current loss. For instance, my brave cousin candidly said about an initial phase of his mourning, “My dad’s death reinforced the fatalistic views I used to have, how you can try and try but something can always be ripped away from you. I stayed angry and depressed a long time until I was ready to open my heart again and be grateful for each day.” I know how easy it is to become cynical or hopeless, particularly after the tragic loss of an innocent. But emotional freedom necessitates fighting not to give up. When you lose irreplaceable relationships, there will be gaping holes in your life. True, some things may never be the same. However, your future holds the promise for other rich bonds with other amazing people. Your dear ones who’ve gone don’t want you to stop loving. During grief, if old beliefs associated with depression surface, be kind to yourself, but seek the help you need to combat hopelessness. In many patients and friends, I’ve seen grief catalyze an intuitive opening. Coping with death, in particular, tunes
you into instinctual knowledge organically tied to the passage. Even if you’ve never considered the possibility of an afterlife before now, that question may become eminently relevant. Loss stimulates a part of you that may long to know. When grieving, notice any intuitions that lend insight. Pay special attention to dreams. After the passing of loved ones, it’s been commonly reported that they appear in dreams to assure us they’re all right. They know how much we worry. What’s striking is that the departed look younger, healthier, happier, no longer sick or in pain. Recently, I had one such dream following the death of Jim, the psychiatrist who’d been my savior as a teenager. He’d been suffering from cancer for months, which finally claimed him. I was moved that his wife invited me to the memorial service. Afterwards, I dreamed: I’m in Jim’s home with his family. Jim is there too, but I’m the only one who can see him. He looks like himself, not at all a haunting specter. I ask: “Jim, are you dead?” He just smiles and says, “I don’t really see it that way!” I awoke smiling too. Dreams about death are often conveyed with the lightness of cosmic humor to allay our worries. Intuitively, they enable us see that despite death’s physical finality, the spirit endures. Knowing this is enormously therapeutic when dealing with grief and in continuing a meaningful life. It may not console the part of you that needs a hug from those you’ve lost, but it’s feedback that they’re fine. We all die with our music in us and keep making it as we move on--an incredibly hopeful certainty. Swami Muktananda said, “The only thing you lose when you die is your fear of death.” We, the grievers, have it much harder. Still, accepting loss as part of life’s
cycles eases your struggle with it. Unavoidably, there’s one appointment we all must keep. Once we can accept death, our own and others’, it puts the true nature of things into perspective, lets us savor every moment of our intimacies now. We can also more appropriately revere those who’ve passed without morbidness or trepidation. (In this spirit, some enlightened medical schools instruct students to consider their anatomy class’s cadaver they dissected as a “guiding hand” to remember throughout their careers as healers). Acceptance of loss doesn’t mean we like the idea of this sacrifice. But it does impart equanimity about such letting-go and a hopefulness about the longevity of love throughout time. Love never dies. It’s what animates the light throughout infinity. When facing loss, try to keep breathing deeply and trust the process as grief transforms itself and you. I picture grieving as riding the tail of a comet on its orbit compared to the downward arc of depression’s stubborn gravity. Meanwhile, addressing old issues related to depression, as well as listening to intuition, enables you to psychologically work through grief and accept loss more easily. 24/7 Judith Orloff MD, an assistant clinical professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and intuition expert, is author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. Her other bestsellers are Positive Emergy, Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight.
When Illness Becomes Your Ally: Release, Restore, Radiate By Ed & Deb Shapiro
ecently, our friend Liz died of cancer. Our lives had intermingled for over 25 years, we lived next door for some of those, we knew her extended family and she knew ours, we used to spend summer days picnicking at the lake. Having meditated for years, Liz brought mindfulness to understanding her illness. She refused to see it as the enemy; rather she made friends with it, deeply accepting it for what it was. As she said: "As a cancer patient, I can honestly say that cancer is definitely a drag. However, it has also brought many blessings. Instantly I had to start listening to my world, I discovered a sense of space and newness, and LOVE—so much love. Trungpa Rinpoche said that you just have to lean into whatever is happening. He called the experience of living with illness one taste; that whether you get well or not, all conditions have the same one taste." Liz also had what she called her three R's: Release, Restore, Radiate.
Release Release whatever is holding you back, whether fear, doubt, anger, frustration, irritation, all the dramas and memories that cause pain and suffering, anything that is getting in the way of having a clear mind and an open heart. Normally, we tend to deny, ignore or repress such unwanted feelings and bury them inside where they fester and
damage us further. Liz saw the need to recognize and own these feelings so they could be named, known and released. This is fully acknowledging the depth of the pain, loss and fear, and letting it go, letting it heal, letting it be. "We can only release something when we know it — we cannot let go of something that is hidden away, lurking in the darkness. It has to first come into the light."
Restore Restore your inner self by filling up with confidence, trust, acceptance, and awareness. Illness can easily take us away from our true or Buddha nature or what is sacred; we lose touch with the spiritual and heart-felt, blaming the world for our pain or getting angry at loved ones. Liz instinctively knew that it was essential to stay connected, to strengthen her trust in the unknown, and in the stillness within to listen to silence.
Radiate Radiate by sending love out into the world so others may benefit. This is so important as illness makes us focus on our issues, leaving little space to accommodate anyone else's difficulties. When we give to others it takes us beyond ourselves into a bigger, more altruistic space. Liz was the most giving person we have known. Even in the later stages of her illness she would arrive at our house with a bag of goodies — oddments she had seen that she knew we would love. And she did this for many others too. She radi-
ated generosity. Kindness is free to give and it leaves the giver the richest of all. We treasure her three R's and hope that, in sharing them, you can be the glorious, joyful and radiant person you know you truly are! 24/7
Ed and Deb Shapiro are the authors of Be the Change, How Meditation Can Transform You and The World, forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, with contributors Jack Kornfield, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Gangaji, Byron Katie, and others. Winner of the 2010 Nautilus Gold Book Award. They are spiritual teachers on Oprah.com/spirit, and featured bloggers on HuffingtonPost.com/Living, and Care2.com. They have 3 meditation CD’s: Metta - Loving Kindness and Forgiveness; Samadhi - Breath Awareness and Insight; Relaxation. Deb is the author of the best-selling book, Your Body Speaks Your Mind , winner of the 2007 Visionary Book Award.
MY LIFE WITH THE SAINTS
MOTHER TERESA By James Martin, SJ
To Catholics, they are saints, to others, people of inspiration. In his book, My Life with the Saints, James Martin, SJ, writes about saints of the Catholic Church or as he endearingly refers to them, “surprising friends,” who have had an impact on his life. Father Martin’s book chronicles his lifelong relationship with people who can guide us throughout our earthly journey and who can help each of us find holiness in our lives. Through this column in CYACYL:24/seven, excerpted from My Life with the Saints, Father Martin will introduce you to these inspiring people. Perhaps they can become your friends too.
gnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu was born in Skopje, Albania, in 1910. Both her parents were devout. Her mother, Drana, used to care for an old woman living nearby who was ravaged by alcoholism and covered with sores. Drana washed and cooked for her. Years later, Mother Teresa would say that the woman suffered as much from her crushing loneliness as from her illnesses. Drana also counseled her daughter that charity should be done silently. “When you do good,” she said, “do it quietly, as if you were throwing a stone into the sea.” A Jesuit priest’s talk at the local parish about the work of Catholic missionaries worldwide struck a chord in Agnes, who had dreamed of a religious vocation as early as age twelve. In October 1928, at the age of eighteen, she entered the novitiate of the Loreto Sisters in Dublin, Ireland. Three months later, Sr. Mary Teresa, as she was now called (choosing a religious name to honor St. Therese of Lisieux), set sail for India. She would spend the rest of her life there. Her early years in India mirrored the lives of the other Loreto sisters: Sr Teresa taught in a Catholic school run by the order in Calcutta and elsewhere. The mission of the Loreto Sisters focused on tackling the problems of poverty through education. And it was as a teacher that the young sister had her first experience of the living conditions of the local children and their families. “It is not possi-
ble to find worse poverty,” she wrote. In 1937, she pronounced her perpetual vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience and, as was the custom for Loreto sisters, was now called “Mother Teresa.” A few years later, Mother Teresa made a private vow, with the consent of her spiritual director, to give God anything He may ask and not to refuse Him anything. On September 10, 1946, Mother Teresa began a long, dusty train ride to Darjeeling. Over the previous few months, she had grown exhausted from her work at the school and frequently fell ill. So her superiors sent her away for a short retreat and some relaxation. It was on this train ride that mother Teresa experienced what she described as a “call within a call.” Though she refrained from speaking directly about the experience during her lifetime (believing that it would focus attention more on her and less on God), after her death, when her “cause” for canonization was begun, what happened to her on that train ride was finally discovered. Her letters to her spiritual director and her local bishop reveal that she had experienced the rarest of graces, what spiritual writers call a “locution.” That is, she reported hearing words addressed to her from God. In a long letter to Ferdinand Perier, SJ, the archbishop of Calcutta, she describes the words she heard, ones that would change the course of her life:
“Wouldst thou not help?” In her prayer, Christ asked her plainly to leave the convent and begin her work with the poor. In response, Mother Teresa poured out her doubts and fears in prayer. She was already happy as a Loreto nun – how could she leave? She would be exposing herself to many sufferings and privations. She would be the “laughingstock of so many.” She would experience loneliness, ignominy, and uncertainty. But the voice she heard in prayer was nonetheless firm: “wouldst thou refuse to do this for me?” For the next several weeks, Mother Teresa enjoyed a deep intimacy with God in her prayer, what St. Ignatius would call “consolation.” After speaking with her Jesuit spiritual director, she decided to approach the archbishop to request his permission to depart from the convent and begin this new venture with the poor. With his approval, Mother Teresa wrote to the Mother General of the Loreto Sisters and, later, to Pope Pius XII, for permission to leave her order. In April of 1948 word arrived from Rome that Mother Teresa’s request had been granted. Thus began her life of total service, familiar to believers and nonbelievers alike. But it was hardly an easy beginning. “To leave Loreto,” she wrote, “was the most difficult thing I have ever done. It was much more difficult than to leave my family and country and enter religious life. Loreto, my spiritual training, my work there, meant everything to me.” Added to the mental and emotional challenges were more practical ones. Before beginning her service to the poor, she had to undergo medical training with the Medical Mission Sisters. Next she had to search for a place to stay, finding temporary lodgings in a convent of the Little Sisters of the Poor in Calcutta. Once settled, she began teaching in the slums, dressed in a simple sari of blue and white, scratching letters in the mud with a stick before the poor children who squatted beside her. In a short while, she located a small house in town, where she began attract-
ing the first of her sisters. Many other helpers, doctors, nurses, and laypeople gathered around the new Missionaries of Charity to aid them in their work with the poor. Eventually, she founded Nirmal Hriday, “Place of the Immaculate Heart,” housed in a building that had originally served as a pilgrims’ rest home for Hindus visiting the kali temple next door. Despite her charitable work and her welcoming of people from all faiths, there was noticeable hostility directed toward this foreign Christian woman and her companions, who appeared to be pushing their way into Hindu territory. People threw stones at them and threatened them, and one man tried to kill Mother Teresa. But their hostility was met with love and, as always, more service. In her biography, Mother Teresa, Kathryn Spink recounts the story of a leader of a group of young Hindus who entered Nirmal Hriday to turn out Mother Teresa. “Having witnessed, however, the care with which the suffering, emaciated bodies of the poor were tended, he returned to his fellow protesters outside with the directive that he would evict the Sisters but only on one condition: namely that they persuade their mothers and sisters to undertake the same service.” The rest of her life would be characterized by nonstop activity and compassionate service to the poor: an endless procession of opening up new hospices, traveling around the world to meet with the members of her ever-expanding order, and helping found an order of brothers, and then priests, and then “coworkers” under the umbrella of the Missionaries of Charity. In 1969, the British journalist Malcolm Muggeridge produced a film about Mother Teresa that aired on BBC television entitled Something Beautiful for God and later published a book of the same name. At
Mother Teresa talks with Vito Mazza, District Deputy for the Bergen County, NJ, Knights of Columbus, five days before her death.
the time of the documentary, Mugeridge was not a believer (under her influence he would be received into the church many years later) but was deeply attracted to the authenticity of Mother Teresa’s work. (In one of the book’s more charming passages, Mother Teresa, noting the dedication with which the film crew listens to the director, tells her sisters that they should listen to God with the same attentiveness.) The portrait of a believing woman by a nonbeliever brought Mother Teresa international acclaim and attention. As Mother Teresa and her order became increasingly well known, honors and accolades were showered on her by governments, universities, religious organizations, and charitable groups around the world. She accepted all of these for the opportunity, typically in the acceptance speeches, to share her message: “It gives me a chance to speak of Christ to people who otherwise may not hear of him.” And she cannily used her fame to open doors for the establishment of new convents for her sisters and hospices for the poor around the world. In 1979, after years of others promoting
her candidacy, Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Asked why she had decided to accept the award in person, she relied: “I am myself unworthy of the prize. I do not want it personally. But by this award the Norwegian people have recognized the existence of the poor. It is on their behalf that I have come.”
from God. To one of her spiritual directors she wrote that God seemed absent, heaven empty, and, most difficult of all, her sufferings meaningless. Mother Teresa confided to Archbishop Perier, “In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not really existing.”
As was her custom as public ceremonies, Mother Teresa spoke extemporaneously, bringing no notes with her to the ceremony in Oslo. Clad in her blue and white sari and an old cardigan, the frail and bent old woman spoke at length about her lifetime of service, telling stories of the poor, detailing her opposition to abortion, and, throughout the speech, returning to the love of God: “Let us keep that joy of loving Jesus in our hearts,” she told the audience in the Aula Magna of the University of Oslo, “and share that joy with all we come in touch with. That radiating joy is real, for we have no reason not to be happy because we have Christ with us, Christ in our hearts, Christ in the poor we meet, Christ in the smile we give and the smile we receive.”
It’s a fair bet to say that many assumed that the woman often referred to as a “living saint” spent her days blissfully aware of the presence of God. And so Mother Teresa’s arduous service to the poor was therefore easier than it would be for the rest of us – because she had the constant comfort and assurance from God that the rest of us lack. As a result, we might conclude that we are not meant to do that kind of work. Leave it to those like Mother Teresa, for whom it’s easier, for whom it comes more naturally. But, as it turned out, it was not any “easier” for Mother Teresa to work with the poor or to lead a Christian life than it is for any of us. It was harder than anyone could have imagined. 24/7
Throughout her life, Mother Teresa regularly set aside her personal physical needs, embracing the hardships that came with the ministry as a way of identifying with the hardships of Jesus. During her stay in Norway, it was with difficulty that her sisters convinced her to at least wear woolen socks as protection against the cold Scandinavian winter. And it as only while accompanying another sister on a visit to a physician in the United States that a doctor discovered that mother Teresa suffered from a weakened heart and needed medical attention. Occasionally she was tart in her disapproval of those who were not working as diligently as she. Early in the history of her order she wrote with evident frustration to some malingering sisters: “And yet Mother can work till all hours of the night, traveling by night and working by day. Is this not a humiliation for you that I at my age can take a regular meal and do a full day’s work – and you live with the name of the poor but enjoy a lazy life?” Mother Teresa maintained this strenuous schedule even in the midst of failing
The Missionaries of Charity Mother House in Calcutta, India.
health, until the end of her life. In 1997, stooped and ill from a hard life of work, she died at age eighty-seven. Before the funeral Mass, the body of Agnes Gonxha Gojaxhiu was carried through the streets of Calcutta by the same gun carriage that had borne the bodies of Mahatma Gandhi and Jawaharlal Nehru, with tens of thousands of Indians lining the route. At her death she was almost universally hailed as a “living saint.” That a few detractors would accuse her of accepting money for her beloved poor from some unsavory political leaders and plutocrats did not trouble her admirers, who understood where all the money and all her efforts were directed: to the Poorest of the Poor. Just six years later—record time—she was declard “Blessed Teresa of Calcutta” by one of her many admirers, Pope John Paul II. Much of her story is familiar. But there was one facet of her life, revealed only after her death, that astonished even those who knew her well. And it is this hidden part of her life that makes her an even more compelling figure. The great secret of her life as that shortly after her momentous train ride to Darjeeling, after a time of feeling intensely close to God, Mother Teresa experienced a spiritual darkness for either long stretches of her life, or, according to some, the rest of her life. Though the months after the train ride were filled with consolation, shortly thereafter and continuing until her death Mother Teresa began to describe an “interior darkness,” a feeling of distance
James Martin, S.J., author of My Life With the Saints and The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything, is a Jesuit priest, and associate editor of America, the national Catholic magazine. In addition to his articles in America and other Catholic publications, Father Martin has written for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and other national newspapers and websites. He currently blogs for Huffingtonpost.com. Father Martin has commented on religion and spirituality in the national and international radio media, and has appeared in venues as diverse as NPR’s “Fresh Air,” PBS’s “Newshour,” Fox News Channel’s “The O’Reilly Factor,” and Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report,” as well as on all the major networks, CNN, MSNBC, the History Channel, the BBC and Vatican Radio. My Life with the Saints can be purchased in bookstores or through Amazon at:
The Top Ten Ways To Tell The Truth, The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth…No Matter What! By Chrissy Carew
o always tell the truth is an admirable goal toward which to strive. However, the truth is not useful if it is not constructive. Our perception of truth is unique to each of us, and it evolves and changes shape as we grow. Telling the whole truth is a skill that can be developed over time. Give yourself permission to build this muscle at your own speed. Taking small and consistent truth-telling steps will have a dramatic impact on the quality of your life, although it is very important to first establish that it is safe for you to tell the truth. The greatest place to start with telling the whole truth is with yourself. Here are some tips to support you in raising your truth-telling IQ. 1. Learn how to Respond vs. React. We respond with love; we react with fear. We respond in the present and we react with constraints to the past or fear of the future. All breakthroughs happen in the present. 2. Pay attention to signs from your mind, body, and heart when you don’t tell the truth. Place extra emphasis on
your heart, because that’s where the truth lives. 3. Tell the truth quickly, the same way you pull off a Band-Aid or get into cold water. 4.Take a look back at a lesson you learned or challenges you have now because you didn’t tell the truth. This will increase your desire to tell the truth now. 5. Get a partner and practice telling the whole truth together. Get more support than you think you need. 6. Get to the core of the truth. If you have a lot of "shoulds" in your vocabulary, then chances are good you are not speaking or connecting with your truth. 7. Don’t tell the truth when you are very angry because you might say things that you will regret. After you cool down, it may not be the truth any longer. 8. Deliver the truth with a loving and compassionate tone.
9. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to develop this skill. Start with the easy stuff first. 10. Be open to seeing where you may have blind spots to your truth. 24/7 Chrissy Carew is a personal and business coach and trainer. She is an International Coach Federation Master Certified Coach, a Coach U Certified Master Coach, and Certified Mentor Coach. She has coached over 500 entrepreneurs, executives, managers, sales professionals and coaches. Chrissy has been featured on CNN, and has been published in Newsday, The Boston Globe, Marie Claire, Entrepreneur Magazine, plus many more. Chrissy has launched the Insightful Player™ campaign, a platform that features high-integrity people such as current and former NFL players, who are passionate about inspiring their fans and in particular kids.
Six Steps To Managing Your By Michael Sapienza, DC
t has happened to all of us. The phone is ringing, you are just finishing an email, and a coworker is calling your name. Your “To Do” list is only growing in length beside you on the desk. It is a stressful scenario that is typical, and one that seemingly won’t be changing at that. While you may think that there is nothing you can do to change it, you have more control in managing your stress than you may think.
end point. For example, an athlete participating in a championship game uses that stress to help him/her become more motivated, alert, and efficient. It helps you meet deadlines at work or react quickly in a crisis. Negative stress, on the other hand, is ongoing without an end in sight. It occurs often and affects the overall quality of your mental and physical health.
According to the American Psychology Association’s “Stress in America” annual survey, a majority of Americans are living with moderate or high levels of stress. Even more interesting is that while those stressed recognize that it isn’t healthy, they haven’t been successful in their efforts to make any adjustments in their lifestyle. With just a few changes- six in fact- you can learn to identify stress and how it affects your health, and what lifestyle choices can reduce the stress in your life.
There are three types of negative stress: emotional, physical and chemical. Emotional stress can be caused from your relationships, your job, and your finances. It is worrying about your children and stressing about your paycheck. Physical stress is caused from lack of exercise, poor posture, sleeping positions, and injuries. Honestly, who is exercising too much? Changes in this area are directly related to your level of stress. Finally, chemical stress is caused from what we put in our body, such as food, drugs, and alcohol, as well as environmental factors such as city versus rural living.
First, let’s establish the true meaning of stress. Stress is a physical, chemical, or emotional reaction to change. A stressor can be positive or negative. Positive stress is short term and its defining characteristic is that it has an
Negative stress causes many symptoms, such as high blood pressure, headaches, fatigue, immune system issues, stiff neck, back pain, digestive issues… the list is vast and inclusive. However, if you are symptom-free, it does not mean
that you are healthy and living without stress. Life threatening diseases such as cancer can exist within the body for years before being diagnosed. Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well being, not merely the absence of disease or symptoms. If you implement the following six steps, you can better manage your stress and improve the overall quality of your health. The first step is choosing better eating habits. Two-fifths of adults reported to the APA of eating unhealthy foods because of stress in the past month. Try following the ratio of one protein to one carbohydrate to one-tenth fat in a meal, and consuming fruits and vegetables whenever possible. Also, proper water intake is essential for every cell, tissue, and organ in your body to function correctly. The correct amount of daily water intake is found by dividing your body weight in half, which equal the total ounces of water that you should be drinking. Use some of that water to take a multivitamin, to make up for any nutritional deficiency that you are lacking from your diet. The second step is consistent daily exercise. This includes stretching, as well as deep relaxation breathing. At
the top of every hour, sit up straight, If you keep your thoughts and the people pull your shoulders back, and take a in your life positive, it will improve your deep breath in and out. This will stress levels. Saying daily affirmations will help your body release toxins and improve the quality of your self-esteem improve mental clarity. Also, reach and mental health. Surrounding yourself for a 30 minute aerobic workout, with positive, happy people, and eliminatfive days a ing negative influweek. This ences, will affect could be a brisk Forty percent of the things we your outlook and walk with a keep you positive. friend or taking worry about are things that a group class at will never happen, 30% are The final step is havthe gym. a proper functionthings in our past that can’t be ing ing spine and nervous The third step to changed, 12% are illogical system. Your nervous reduce stress is deductive thoughts, and 10% system controls and getting plenty of coordinates the funcrest. According are miscellaneous worries. tion of everything in to the APA, your body, including That leaves just 8% that are more than four the things we control real, legitimate concerns. in 10 said they and the things we lay awake at don’t. You cannot night in the past live without your month due to stress. You should be nervous system for one second; so it is imsleeping seven to eight hours a portant that these nerves aren’t compronight, keeping the hour that you mised. The physical, emotional, and wake and go to bed consistent. This chemical stressors cause spinal misalignmeans not sleeping in on the weekments, which put pressure on spinal nerves ends, as tempting as it may be. and reduces function of whatever the nerve Moreover, sleeping on your back is innervates. Chiropractic is the only healththe best position for your spinal care profession that locates and corrects health. these misalignments, called subluxations, to allow your body to function at its optiSpeaking of spinal health, the fourth mum potential. Getting adjusted regularly step is keeping proper posture, will restore the balance to the body, norwhich your nervous system demalize joint motion, and relieve stress and mands. Keep your shoulders down pain. and back, and keep your head carriage in line with spine, not forward. By following these six steps to manage Add this to the deep breathing exeryour stress, you will develop a stronger cise mentioned in the second step, immune system to fight diseases, lower and check your posture every hour. your risk of heart disease and other illnesses, improve your relationships, reduce The fifth step is obtaining and keepburnout in work and personal life, and ining a positive, happy attitude. Idencrease your productivity and awareness. If tify stressors and deal with them making all of the changes at once seem immediately. Don’t put energy into daunting, trying taking it one step at a something you can’t change. time. Before you know it, your stress will be more manageable and your quality of Forty percent of the things we worry health will improve. 24/7 about are things that will never happen, 30 percent are things in our past that can’t be changed, 12 perDr. Michael Sapienza is committed to cent are illogical deductive guiding individuals away from pain toward thoughts, such as you will die from optimal health and vitality. He speaks a stomach ache, and 10 percent are regularly to schools, businesses, and miscellaneous worries. That leaves organizations on health, wellness, and just 8 percent that are real, legitisafety topics. He enjoys educating others mate concerns.
on how to eliminate pain, prevent injury at home and in the workplace, manage stress better, and improve energy. His mission is to heal and empower as many people as possible through genuine care and education. Dr. Sapienza received his Doctor of Chiropractic Degree from Palmer College of Chiropractic in Davenport, IA. He is the co-owner of Mecca Integrated Medical Center; a multi disciplinary medical office specializing in comprehensive, state of the art, non surgical treatment of back and neck pain. Dr. Sapienza is a member of the Association of New Jersey Chiropractors as well as The American Chiropractic Association
LISTEN TO CYACYL’S HEALTHY LIVING TIP OF THE WEEK
Menopause Weight Gain By Eric Murphy, CPT, PES, CES
re these the three most dreaded words in a woman’s vocabulary? Hormonal changes during menopause may very well make you more likely to gain weight around your abdomen as opposed to your hips and thighs. However, lets not curse out the hormones as the sole culprit.
blood pressure, high cholesterol, and type 2 diabetes. Heart disease and stroke cast their ugly shadows at this point. Of course, the most insidious byproducts of menopause weight gain are colorectal cancer and breast cancer. As little as four pounds could increase the potential for breast cancer by thirty percent.
Unfortunately, menopausal women tend to exercise less than other women. Muscle mass naturally lessens as a woman ages. If you do nothing about it, your body will now contain more fat and less muscle thus slowing down the rate at which you burn calories.
OK, enough bad news! Let’s think about combating our enemy. Exercise is without question the best way to ensure a healthy, long, fun-filled life. Exercise actually promotes better sleep. A good nights sleep can improve your concentration, productivity and mood. Regular physical activity can help you fall asleep faster and deepen your sleep.
Genetics deserve some condemnation as well. If your parents carried some extra weight around the abdomen, chances are it might plague you too. Emotions are sometimes discounted, but they are major players in this issue. The death of a spouse or divorce from a spouse can accelerate weight gain, as can issues involving a woman’s children. Health concerns go hand in hand with menopause weight gain. Osteoporosis is a fairly common disease associated with this time in a woman’s life. Extra pounds put a woman at risk of high
Exercise delivers oxygen and nutrients to your tissues. In fact, regular physical activity helps your entire cardiovascular system. When your heart and lungs work more efficiently, you’ll have more energy to do the things you enjoy. Exercise combats chronic diseases, helps manage high blood pressure and boosts good cholesterol while decreasing bad cholesterol. This keeps your blood flowing and lowering buildup of plaque on your arteries.
Exercise improves your mood. It activates various brain chemicals that may leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out. Your confidence can be boosted as well as your self-esteem. Believe it or not, exercise can prevent depression. Exercise helps you manage your weight. Through exercise one burns calories. The more intense the activity, the more calories burned. There are many training systems and forms of exercise that will help one succeed in gaining all these benefits discussed. One system that I like to recommend is Kinesis. Kinesis is a fascinating, innovative, proven training system that returns you to the origins of movement, enabling you to re-discover the four fundamental physical abilities: endurance, balance, strength and flexibility. Kinesis workouts provide the right balance of mind and body, helping improve your quality of life. This training system is state of the
art technology and second to none. Imagine getting your cardio respiratory and strength training in a single workout. Kinesis allows for well over 200 movements to be performed without making any adjustments. There are no reps. There are no sets. Kinesis is nontraditional in that it activates multiple muscle groups synergistically. Movements are performed for a specific amount of time. In fact, circuit-style training on Kinesis can burn up to 30% more calories than traditional forms of strength training. Kinesis uses different points of contact and handles to challenge your body in all three planes of motion. The cables and handles all move in large ranges of motion, making the exercise options endless. Kinesis also allows for up to four people to train at once. Whether youâ€™re more comfortable in a small group or just by yourself with a trainer, Kinesis is your answer. What can one expect from Kinesis? Results. Expect to build more
strength, better flexibility, posture and coordination. Expect to be better conditioned and have more endurance. Expect never to be bored because the Kinesis programs are so diverse. Expect to lose weight and drop inches. Last but certainly not least, expect to feel and look better than youâ€™ve ever felt before. 24/7 Eric Murphy, CPT, PES, CES, is one of the most sought after trainers on the East Coast. Triathlete and Kinesis guru, Eric has taken his clients to the next level of health, wellness, and performance. Integrating Kinesis with NASMâ€™s OPT model, Eric has developed multiple individualized programs that have proven successful not only for his clients, but also for other trainers. He is co-owner of Pearl Personal Training and is dedicated to helping others achieve results, health and wellness. www.pearlpersonaltraining.com
OFF THE FIELD Denver Broncos' Jarvis Green Determination To Learn From Adversity Fosters Deep Rooted Resilience And Profound Growth
or his sense of self-discipline, Jarvis Green thanks his parents. For perseverance, he credits his high school coach. And for the physical endurance that has helped him to become a world-class professional athlete, he acknowledges the influence of his twin brother Jason. It’s not that Jason encouraged or inspired him to be a runner. It’s that when the two boys would fight as teens, Jarvis discovered that running was a good way to let off steam. Eventually he was jogging five miles a day. “I truly think one reason I reached the point I did in the pros is that I just started jogging to the point where my endurance level was so high, it showed on the football field. And that ability separated me from the other players on the football team.” As a young boy, Jarvis was picked on at school. He fought back, and that caused trouble at home. When he was on the verge of being expelled from school for fighting, his parents held up the threat of being placed in a juvenile home. That scared him enough to swear off fighting for good. “We all face times when we have to make decisions. It
doesn’t matter if you’re an adult or a little kid; we all have times when we have to look at what we know about right and wrong and make a decision.” Until middle school, his mother kept him out of organized sports. When he finally had the chance to take the field in seventh grade, the opportunity almost fell through his fingers. “I was out there doing a drill and I started complaining, saying the other guys hit too hard, this and that. I said, I quit. But my coach Coach Ronnie Rabilis - rest his soul, he ran after me and said, ‘I coached your brothers and I’m not going to let you off this easy,’ and he got me back out there. From that day on I was positive about the sport and just about a lot of things, about not giving up, because it was so easy to give up.” His parents divorced when he was in high school, and his mother began to face serious financial struggles. It was a big burden for a young man to carry. “My junior and senior year of high school, I was picking up jobs to keep the lights on and keep water running, helping my mom, and becoming a man overnight. I remember leaving practice, going to work and working 20 to 25 hours a week try-
ing to bring home $100. What I brought home, I would give to my mom to put toward the bills. I did that for my entire senior year.”
goes through adversity in life. That loss was something that we had to overcome. We had to learn that you can’t win them all, you’re not always going to get His first years at We all have times when what you want in Louisiana State life. Some things we have to look at what are pre-destined.” University weren’t much Today, Jarvis is we know about right easier. As a mahappily married, a jor in construc- and wrong and make a father of three, tion engineerand a new meming, he saw his decision. ber of the Denver grades occaBroncos. sionally dip dangerously low. He sustained serious back injuries in a Recently he started the Jarvis Green car accident his freshman year but Foundation, a non-profit committed refused to give up football and to providing support to single workplayed much of his college career ing mothers in disadvantaged, lowwith fractures in his back. “I don’t income areas. know how I played. It was a stronger power, it wasn’t just me. Proving himself able time and again God was helping me through it.” to counter physical, spiritual and emotional setbacks with perseverThrough it all, he was learning ance and a belief in the power of tenacity and family loyalty. And he good decision-making, Jarvis Green never lost sight of graduating from has the true spirit of an Insightful college as his top priority even Player™ team member. 24/7 though he was starting to get glimmers of hope that a pro career with The Insightful Player™ series is the NFL might lie ahead. “I started brought to you by Coach Chrissy off pretty fast my first year, made a Carew, Master Certified Personal lot of plays, got a lot of honors, and and Business Coach. Chrissy has that’s when I started thinking about been inspired by her father, the late it, but it wasn’t the most important Coach Walter Carew, Sr. Her fathing. The most important thing in ther is in several Halls of Fame as my head was getting a degree.” He a high school football coach and still remembers the elation he felt at baseball coach (as well as high his graduation ceremony – and the school and college athlete). He used tears he shed. sports as a way to help kids build strong character and teach them Being drafted his first season in the valuable life skills. The Insightful fourth round to the Patriots was anPlayer™ campaign was created to other wonderful moment. He stayed help make our world a better place. with the Patriots for the next seven years and went to three Super Bowls, the last of which ended in a shocking last-minute loss. Looking back more than two years later, though, Jarvis says, “Everybody
Instant replay of Jarvis’ guiding principles: 1. A good education with a priority on graduating from college is the single most important determinant to success of any kind. 2. Everyone, no matter how easy or difficult their life is, faces decisions. Making the right decisions can mean the difference between reaching your goals and falling short. 3. Tell the truth. When you make a mistake, own up to it. 4. Be a team player. Distinguish yourself not with self-promotion but with your loyalty and support of others. 5. Learn to trust other people and be someone others can trust. Hold yourself and others accountable for actions. 6. Treat parents, coaches, teachers and other adults with unflagging respect. 7. Learn to find the message in moments of adversity. Figure out what you can learn from a problematic situation. 8. There are times when losing is not a sign you haven’t worked hard enough. Sometimes you lose the game no matter how hard you play. 9. Be a positive role model committed to changing the world for the better.
SHOW NEWS LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM WITH TV’S JUDGE ALEX JUNE 19
SHAUN T ANSWERS YOUR FITNESS QUESTIONS
Former police officer, attorney, and Florida Circuit Court Judge, Alex E. Ferrer, hosts “Judge Alex,” the highly rated TV court room syndicated program, now in its sixth season, from Twentieth Television. Judge Alex is the only television judge with extensive police, legal and judicial experience, presiding over a wide array of cases, resolving complicated issues with his straight forward approach and cogent rulings.
JUNE 5 Get Fit With Shaun T He's back! Shaun is back to answer listener questions. The creator of Beachbody's Insanity, Hip Hop Abs, and the Asylum, Shaun motivates people to incorporate healthy eating and exercise into every day life.
Judge Alex will guest on Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life to talk about growing up in America as a child of Cuban immigrants, to share stories about what goes on in his television courtroom, and to provide lessons learned from his years on the bench. Judge Alex’s life exemplifies the American Dream. Judge Alex was voted the most trustworthy face in daytime television. In addition, he was recently featured in a People Magazine “Sexiest Men Alive” issue.
Listen to Past Shows
MO WILLEMS Six Time Emmy Award Winner and Perennial New York Times Best-Selling Author
JUNE 12 EMBRACE, RELEASE, HEAL LEIGH FORTSON TWO PARTS: JUNE 26 & JULY 3 THREE TIME CANCER SURVIVOR TALKS ABOUT THE EMOTIONS BEHIND CANCER
After her third cancer diagnosis in three years, Leigh Fortson was given few options by her doctors and little hope for a bright future. For weeks, she mourned the life she thought she was losing – until she was introduced to an idea that changed everything: Our thoughts and emotions influence every cell in our body. This revelation gave her the hope that would begin her journey to becoming cancer free and more joyful than she’d ever been before. Leigh has been to hell and back. In the interview, she shares her inspirational story and the fruits of her research, including information from both allopathic and integrative medical experts, accounts from people who transcended “terminal cancer” and are now thriving, snapshots of progressive treatment techniques, and insights into other key factors that can affect well-being – including thoughts, emotions, and diet. Leigh is the author of, Embrace, Release, Heal, an empowering book created to help anyone whose life has been affected by cancer. She has coauthored and edited numerous books about health, nutrition and alternative medicine and has spent decades learning about and practicing healthy lifestyle habits. She was shocked to find out that she had cancer. Today she has a clean bill of health.
Mo Willems is one of the most beloved and acclaimed creators of children’s books of this generation. Willems will guest on Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life to talk about tapping into the inner child within and recreating oneself. Willems began his career as a stand up comedian. He took a few detours in his career and has now been compared to Charles Schulz by the New York Times, which has named him “the biggest new talent to emerge thus far in the 00’s”. Before he turned to making picture books, Mo was a writer and animator on Sesame Street, where he won six Emmys. Willems has won three Caldecott Honor Awards for Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!, Knuffle Bunny, and Knuffle Bunny Too, and two Theodor Seuss Geisel Medals for There is a Bird on Your Head! and Are You Ready to Play Outside? His books are perennial New York Times bestsellers.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Lobster Gazpacho with Ginger Cream Yields 1/2 Gallon
By Robert Irvine
Chef Robert Irvine is the host of Food Network’s Dinner: Impossible, Restaurant: Impossible, and Worst Cooks in America. Robert is the author of two books: Mission: Cook! and Impossible to Easy.
1.5 lbs lobster cooked- tail and knuckle chopped, claws whole 3 tomatoes - ripe and large - about 3 cups 1 red pepper (deseeded and small diced) 1 jalapeno pepper (deseeded and small diced) 1 cup red onion (small diced) 1 English cucumber (small diced) divided in two 4 ribs celery (small diced, with leaves in reserve) ¼ cup cilantro (chopped) 2 cups V-8 juice 1 tbsp minced garlic 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce Juice of 1 lemon Juice of 2 limes 2 tbsp grapeseed oil 1 tsp seafood seasoning 1 tsp English mustard 2 tbsp mixed herbs (minced sorrel, parsley and basil) Salt and pepper to taste ¼ cup sour cream 2 tbsp heavy cream 1 tbsp ginger juice 1 tbsp tabasco
In mixing bowl blend sour cream, heavy cream, tabasco and ginger juice, mixing well and holding for plating. In a food processor, pulse blend onion, celery, half cucumber, red pepper, jalapeno, and chunky smooth. Next with tomatoes, de-seed, and rough chop, then add to previous processor and pulse again to blend, then add Worcestershire, V-8, fruit juices, cilantro, and garlic, puree until smooth. Remove from processor, taste and season, let rest for 2 hours. In a bowl, toss cooked lobster meat with grapeseed oil, seafood seasoning, mustard, celery leaves and herb mixture. Portion gazpacho into bowls, topped with remaining cucumbers and finish with herb cream and lobster, topping with claws.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Baby Back Ribs with 30-minute Barbeque Sauce By Allison Fishman Prep Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 3 hours, or overnight Makes 4 servings Serving size: 1/2 rack, plus sauce For rib rub: 1/2 cup kosher salt 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar 1/4 cup hot paprika 1/4 cup chili powder 2 tablespoons onion powder 2 tablespoons garlic powder 1 tablespoon cayenne 1 tablespoon dried thyme For barbeque sauce: 2 cups ketchup 1/2 cup light brown sugar, or more to taste 1/4 cup red wine vinegar 1 small onion, grated or finely chopped 3 garlic cloves, minced 2 tablespoons chopped canned chipotles with sauce For ribs: 2 slabs baby back ribs, (about 4 pounds) 1/2 cup rib rub 1 cup barbecue sauce (optional) 1. For the rub: Combine the salt, sugar, paprika, chili powder, onion powder, garlic powder, cayenne, and thyme in a medium bowl and whisk together. 2. For the sauce: Combine the ketchup, brown sugar, red wine vinegar, onion, garlic, chipotles, and sauce in a medium saucepan; bring to a simmer, and cook until onion is soft and the sauce is thick, 20 to 30 minutes. This is a chunky sauce. If you prefer a smooth sauce, puree it in the blender after it has cooked. 3. For the ribs: Generously cover each rack of ribs with 1/4 cup of the rub. Let the ribs sit at room temperature for 1 hour, or wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight. Let ribs come to room temperature before cooking. 4. Preheat the oven to 325°F. Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil. 5. Place the marinated ribs on top of the foil. Transfer to the oven and cook the ribs until the meat is tender and pulls away from the bones easily, 11/2 to 2 hours. Remove the ribs from the oven. 6. Turn the broiler on and (if desired) brush each rack with 1/2 cup of sauce. Cook the naked or sauced ribs 6 inches from the broiler element for 5 minutes, until the naked ribs get a bit crispy or the sauce is bubbly and beginning to set. Or, finish cooking ribs on a medium-fire grill, turning until the sauce is set and the rib edges are crispy, 10 to 15 minutes. Nutrition Information (per serving): Calories 428, Carbs 37g, Fiber 3g, Protein 32g, Total Fat 18g, Saturated Fat 6g
Allison Fishman is the author of You Can Trust A Skinny Cook, and a contributor and the TV spokesperson for Cooking Light magazine. Allison was a co-host of Lifetime’s Cook Yourself Thin and TLC’s Home Made Simple. She has worked for Martha Stewart, Food Network, and Atkins as a food stylist, recipe developer, and cookbook editor, and her writing and recipes have appeared magazines such as Fine Cooking, Glamour, Real Simple, and Everyday Food. Allison is the founder of The Wooden Spoon, a private cooking school designed to give modern food lovers the skills to prepare delicious meals at home. Photography by Lucy Schaeffer
Discover Your Purpose And Passion Through Harmony By Julia Valentine
lmost every culture on our planet has a myth of a hero’s quest. We love hearing stories about setting off into the sunset, fighting through obstacles, winning the prize and coming home a hero. I believe finding your purpose it more like peeling an onion. The more distractions, illusions and problems we clear away, the more space is created. This space is where purpose and passion can flourish. One of the simple, and yet profound techniques that I use in my book Joy Compass is making our readers aware of the degree of alignment in their life. The more alignment you have, the more opportunity for purpose and passion you create. The renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow called this alignment a true integration of the person at all levels. People operating at this level are conscious of their needs, emotions, impulses, pleasures and pains. They enjoy an amazing quality of life with frequent peak experiences. An integrated person is “less split, less fighting against himself, more at peace with himself, less split between an experiencing-self and an observing-self, more one-pointed, more harmoniously organized, more efficiently organized with all his parts functioning very nicely with each other, more synergic, with less internal friction, etc.”
If I were to define happiness, I would say that it is the harmony between the inner and the outer worlds. The treasure is being in harmony within yourself and with everything around you. Here are the four essential questions to ask yourself: What is your direction? Say to yourself: “My direction is joy,” “My direction is abundance,” “My direction is freedom,” My direction is achievement.” How do each of these feel? Each of us has a primary direction. For some, it’s confusion. Make sure you pick the direction you really enjoy because it will (subconsciously) drive a lot of your decisions. Are you aware of all your inner resources? Your inner resources are your attitudes, abilities, talents, skills, experience and personality traits. I am often surprised of how much people undervalue themselves. But I must admit when a mentor called me “very creative” years ago, I was surprised. I was in finance, and thought of myself as purely analytical and entirely uncreative. When she made me aware of it, I was able to acknowledge it and make use of it. Then, I wrote a book. Now, it drives both my purpose and my passion. Are you clear on all of the inner resources you possess? Choose a day when you can relax and put all of them on paper. Draw, write, create a collage – whatever it takes to
bring it all out. Are you in harmony? If you observe someone who is “on purpose,” you will immediately pick up on how aligned and focused they are. You cannot be “split” and fighting within yourself and also be on purpose. Identify the inner conflicts. This simple step is going to sweep away any confusion that may exist. Will you go after your purpose and passion? Most people who live on purpose and with passion will tell you that they had to make some tough decisions to get there. They will also tell you that they never regretted the choice they have made. Figure out how to take action and break down what you need to do into small, simple tasks. I am convinced you can do it. 24/7 Julia Valentine is founder and CEO of Joy Compass, the essential retirement design destination for people who want to be joyful and fulfilled at any age. Julia honed her research and analytical skills developing strategy and new products for an international Fortune 500 company. She holds an executive MBA from Columbia University.
Salute the Entrepreneurial Spirit of Small Business Owners B.I.G.
B.I.G. (Believe, Inspire, Grow) is 24/7 women’s support, education and networkNETWORKING ing organization that embraces women’s desire to connect with each other. We are SALES a growing community of intelligent, creative and entrepreneurial women who want to share our business ideas and build upon our dreams. We strive to facilitate safe and supportive environments to further our members' business dreams and goals with face to face guidance and support with local community meetings as well as an interactive, informative website. Founded in Bernardsville, NJ, B.I.G. continues to expand throughout the Northeast, with over thirty-five chapters (we call them pods) located in five states. www.justthinkbig.us
Did you know that 4 out of 5 businesses fail within their first year of operation and that only 20% of the ones that do survive make it through five years? Even well established companies are struggling to find new ways to become more profitable in today’s competitive environment. 24-7 networking sales is a professional networking and sales company that can help your business increase its client base and increase the closure rate of your sales team. 24-7 Networking sales provides the tools that you need to help your company survive in today’s economy. Call 973-697-8872. www.join24-7.com
Vyrboz is a presence and image enhancement firm. At Vyrboz, they work with you to craft and create a presence that enables you to know who you are and what you stand for from head to toe from the inside out. The company’s vast array of services include skin, wardrobe and presence enhancement analysis; personal shopping and special event styling; Personal, Prom and Business Etiquette Seminars. In addition, Vyrboz offers a suite of corporate training experiences for large or small group workshops. Call Vyrboz at 908-400-6828 to schedule a complementary mini skin or wardrobe analysis. Vyrboz experts would love to discuss how they can assist you to enhance your image and elevate the presence that you project.
Cedas Home Care Services is a nonmedical home care company that assists you in caring for your loved one. Our trained caregivers provide the peace of mind that is important to you. Whether at home, in a nursing home, or an assisted living community, we help your loved one live a dignified, independent lifestyle. Cedas Home Care services and professionals are as diversified as our clients. Call Cedas for more information 973-746-0165 or visit cedashomecare.com.
CEDAS HOME CARE
Cedas Home Care…The More We Care, the more beautiful life becomes. www.cedashomecare.com
By Tanya L. Brown
am writing A Date to Remember on what would be Nicole’s 52nd birthday and how the day she was murdered changed my life. It is actually quite a beautiful moment I am experiencing right now. I just wanted to share that with you all. I live life appreciating symbolism. We all have significant dates that we remember. We may remember the day of our first kiss from a loved one, a child’s birth, an anniversary. Whatever the occasion, happy or sad, we all have significant dates that we remember. In my life, I have had many more happy events than sad. But, June 12, 1994, changed my life forever. It was the day I found out my sister Nicole Brown Simpson was murdered. It is now 17 years later and life still is not the same without her. I have learned to live life without her, but the pain is still there. The disbelief that this actually happened is still so surreal. Immediately after her murder, my family was under a spotlight and everyone began to have expectations of us. The public had expectations. We were expected to put on our happy faces and be strong and face this tragedy head on. The lawyers had expectations. They told us what to wear and say; when to speak and when to be quiet. The press had expectations. They were always waiting to get their next big story. The thing that was the worst was that our privacy was gone; a
thing of the past. Our home that had always been free from chaos was no longer a safe place. Our lives were under a microscope. Every aspect of our lives was under a microscope. Microphones were stuck in our faces with reporters asking “How are you?” Fine! How is it going in the trial?” “Fine!” I became the “fine girl.” HARDLY anything was fine. Because of the notoriety of the case it became difficult for me to go through a normal grieving process. I stuffed my emotions, remained quiet and believed that everything was fine. When you are living a life that everything is FINE all the time, eventually reality will do a check in with you. It did with me. I found myself in a psych ward 10 years after her murder for 10 days and an outpatient program for 2½ months. Had I acknowledged my pain in June 1994, perhaps that would not have happened, who knows? What I know is that an important thing in life is to live it as authentically as possible. Live it in truth. When you have the pressure to be FINE all the time when things really are not, problems can arise; depression, anxiety, increased stress and false expectations all can affect you. Make sure you are aware of your feelings, emotions, moods, physiological symptoms. At some point you need to try to tap into some self-courage and 41
get the help you need. Listen to your inner self. I did. I chose to ACCEPT the professional help that I needed. I finally took ACTION and RESPONSIBILITY for my life. I encourage you to do the same. DO NOT WAIT! I am focusing my energy and efforts on mental well-being by helping others like you to help themselves so they can live a life of optimal mental health and well-being. Remember the oxygen mask on the airplane? Please place your mask on first before assisting others. Why? Because without you being well, you are no good to others. It is time to start putting yourself first. It is ok to be selfish as long as we are not hurting others. I encourage you, from this day on, to integrate YOU into your day. 24/7 Tanya L. Brown is a mental health advocate, life coach and speaker. Tanya Brown joins Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, & Dr. Denis Waitley in a new book, Stepping Stones to Success.
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Change Your Attitude...Change Your Life Every Sunday at 9 AM On New York’s AM970 The Apple
TRANSFORMATION FROM THE OUTSIDE IN
Know Before You Go By Rudy Ruffo
e have been getting haircuts all our lives, few of us really know a lot about our hair, how to properly care for it or what to expect from a haircutter or stylist. For many people, hair defines their image of themselves. So it’s important to be as knowledgeable as possible about such an essential part of our well-being. We spend enough money on our hair, an estimated $7 billion every year!
curl and thickness of your hair. The medulla, the next layer, basically is the space of the hair, which some people may not have. This means that your hair will not contain as much body as someone, who does have the medulla.
So let’s get informed on this hairy topic. Here’s some basic information I think you should know.
The condition of your hair will determine for me, at least, what style I will suggest. When a new client comes to me with very long, limp and split hair, I will always suggest cutting it beyond where the hair is split. I recommended this to actress Marlo Thomas a while ago and she almost took my head off. But she soon saw the light and realized it was the best approach to improve the health of her hair.
The average person’s head carries around 100,000 to 150,000 hair follicles. Blondes have the most about 140,000, brunettes around a 100,000 and redheads the least at 90,000. A baby’s head contains about 1,100 follicles for every square centimeter. Every follicle grows approximately 20 new hairs during its lifetime. In your twenties, this number declines to about 600. As you age up to about 50, follicles continue to drop to 250 to 300. Each hair, alas, does fall out, but usually is replaced with another one; you lose about 50 to 100 hairs a day! A hair shaft has three layers; the cuticle is the visible outer protective layer. The cortex, the middle layer, consists of cells with bundles of fibers. How they are formed will determine the
A good hairdresser will notice these factors about your hair. When I explain this to a client, I can then determine what cut and style would be best. Obviously, if your hair lacks body, some styles will not work well with your particular hair.
I want my clients’ hair to look contemporary. Often I am in a hairy situation because people can be resistant to the slightest change in their hairdos. I know that with my experience and skills, a good cut will absolutely make each client look better. I encourage every person to go for it. But even if I keep the hair the same-length, I can make it look totally different with my cut. I want to make you look incredible for the next two months—with one cut. I think it’s important to have respect for
your hairdresser. You’ve selected one for his or her ability, talent and time. It can take about an hour to do a good haircut. A hairdresser can’t do his or her job—if you are rushed, talking on a cell phone or don’t show up on time. But if, on the other hand, you are having a bad hair day—after going to your hairdresser—find another one. Talk honestly with the new person about why you left the other one and what you want. After all, it’s YOUR hair. Here are my Rudy Rules about what you should do with your hair: 1. Keep your hair clean. Wash it about every two days or so. Use The Brush to keep your scalp in good condition. 2. Condition your hair—only if you need it. If your hair is limp, or if it doesn’t tangle, don’t use conditioner. A tiny squirt will do the job. Men generally don’t need conditioner. 3. If you have long hair, never comb it through from the top to the bottom, this will cause breakage. Instead, start at the bottom and gently work your way up to the top until it’s all combed through. 4. Use milder products. Be aware of what’s in a product before you buy
it. Read the labels; some products may contain alcohol. If you are allergic to specific chemicals, look for fragrancefree products. 5. Buy and use a good hairbrush that will not tear your hair. Look for a brush with bristles about 1/4 of an inch apart. It should look like a forest. To clean brushes, use Sea Breeze, a disinfectant. Remove the hair and pour this liquid over the bristles. To avoid breaking your wet or dry hair, I repeat, start the bottom and brush up. 6. Get a haircut every two months to keep your hair in top condition. Cutting will prevent dead split ends from
moving up the shafts and doing major damage to your hair. Remember, ends tend to dry out and split, so they should be removed. They are ugly, too!
feel it’s a great way to keep the pores open, which is good for hair growth. Hair thins for a wide variety of reasons, including genetics, age, health and medications.
7. Change your hairstyle as often as possible. It’s fun and good for the soul—and your look.
10. Experiment with styles from one haircut. Take baby steps to a more dramatic cut. Small steps will help keep it current.
8. Don’t let anyone dictate how you should wear your hair or how long it should be. 9. If your hair is thinning, blow-dry it in the warm, moist bathroom—before going into another room—it might be cold and that will contract the pores. I
11. Try different products to get different results with your hair. Experiment with gels. Use a smoothing serum. Slick hair back with a wax, a non-gummy one, and stay away from any product that might take five shampoos to wash out. Blow-dry with a big round brush. Straighten hair with a flat iron. 12. Talk honestly with your hairdresser about your hair. Work together to create a better haircut and a great look for you. 24/7
salute the entrepreneurial spirit of small business owners with a weekly SPOTLIGHT ON SMALL BUSINESS show segment. If you would like your business to be considered for this segment, send a brief description of your product/service with contact information to:
Rudy Ruffo is a celebrity stylist that worked at some of New York City’s most fashionable, upscale salons. He was the first hairstylist to receive a Clio citation for his work in television. His diverse celebrity clients have also included Sigourney Weaver, Ali McGraw, Joan Rivers, Frank Langella, Pat Cooper, Billie Jean King, Stan Getz, and Elvis Costello, to name just a few. He has styled hair for the Johnny Carson show, the MTV awards, major motion pictures, music videos, television commercials, and has traveled to photo shoots for national magazines such as Brides, Modern Brides, Seventeen, Glamour, Mademoiselle, Ladies Home Journal, Woman’s Day, Family Circle, and Town & Country. Rudy created The Brush, a best-selling hair care tool sold nationally through catalogs and on his website
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Top Tips To Protect Your Skin From the Sun By Jane Ruffo
sing broad-spectrum sunscreen will help your skin from getting wrinkled, crinkled, and speckled! These formulas protect from UVA and UVB and must be active in the skin constantly, even when you’re driving. Apply in the morning and get used to putting sunscreen on the tops of your hands and forearms; these areas are close to the windshield of your car and get a lot of sun when you are driving. Apply your sunscreen before you get dressed, it takes at least 20 minutes to be absorbed and become effective in your skin. Choose a sunscreen for your type of skin; the container will be labeled accordingly. Since there are so many from which to choose, you might as well get one that works double duty and will be good for your skin. Also make sure that it’s an appropriate type for activity, if it’s a water day or a sweaty day, it
must be a water resistant formula. I prefer the higher the better, any thing around 40 – 50 SPF. Most people have gotten used to a 30 SPF and that is efficient. When applying sunscreen on your tots, for the face use a stick sunscreen as this will help keep it out of their eyes. Lotions will sting the eyes and be quite uncomfortable, leaving you the bad guy. The amount to apply is more than you think: A shot glass size is for your entire body, and it needs to be re- applied every 2 hours. Your lips have to be protected too, stay away from glosses; they attract the sun’s harmful rays. Use a lipstick or lip balm with SPF. When you’re ready to apply think top to bottom, that includes the top of your hairline, tops and all over your ears, all the way down to the tips of your toes! Best tip: For that day out…don’t leave home with out it. 24/7
Jane Ruffo is a licensed medical esthetician. Jane has spent the past 11 years working with some of New York City and Bergen County’s best dermatologists, Med Spas, and day spas, specializing in facials, microdermabrasions, chemical peels and makeovers. Over the past 25 years, Jane’s makeup has been seen in major magazines, television, and the MTV award shows. Jane continues education through dermatology and skin care conferences as well as getting advanced training in all aspects of skin care and anti aging procedures making her an expert in the field as skin care specialist. Jane can be contacted by email at HAVEAGREATDAYSPA@aol. com.
Live Longer And Healthier Anti-Aging Medicine Provides The Answers
By Mojdeh Haghverdi, MD
t was the best newsâ€Śmy prodiabetic with diet and medicine. fessor from medical school, who happened to be a very I would show the very normal looking successful internist, asked me labs to my 45-year-old hypothyroid to join him in his busy practice. female who complained of being tired What a thrill! I would get to see the and suggest that maybe the symptoms master at work. I joined him and were in her head and would advise watched a roomful of people wait that seeing a therapist may help. hours to be seen by him. I watched the master treat patients with his I would treat a 52-year-old male with vast knowledge of medicine. I also complaints of impotence with the nice watched him throw away vitamins â€œblue pills.â€? and tell those who dared to stop taking supplements, going With early detection and I would have no to an acupuncturist, appropriate intervention, answer for a doing yoga and woman who commany diseases can be Reiki healing, and plained of lack of never return to those prevented, cured, or have sexual desire and koo koo doctors. orgasm. And if a their downward course 50-year-old female reversed. As I started to grow complained of famy own wings and tigue, depression was treating thousands of patients and menopausal symptoms, I would and myriads of diseases, I realized I offer her anti-depression medicine, would wait for the disease to show having read the studies on synthetic up and would then reach into my hormone replacements - HRT was not artillery of allopathic drugs and do the answer. my best to chase the disease away. Yet part of me knew there were many I would treat the 50-year-old male answers to these problems and hunwho had complete normal labs the dreds of others; I just did not know year before and now has become how to find them.
I started studying acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine; I looked into herbology and Reiki healing. Although I believed in them and knew they worked, the scientist part of me wanted the proof on paper. I also knew I was afraid of being called a crazy doctor by my teachers and colleagues. I had worked too hard to build my reputation and did not want to ruin it. Yet I had my patients who looked to me for answers and that was the force that kept pushing me forward. Years ago I was approached by a good friend who was very much aware of my dissatisfaction. He asked me to register for an Anti-Aging conference. Although my first reaction was, "I don't want to do Botox," I agreed. I remember sitting 12 hours a day in the conference and begged for more. This was it! A specialty in Anti-Aging, Regenerative and Functional Medicine. When people hear the term anti-aging, they immediately think of cosmetic treatments, so did I. In reality, antiaging and regenerative medicine is among the fastest-growing medical specialties in the world. It is based on
the application of advanced scientific and medical technologies for the early detection, prevention, treatment, and reversal of age-related dysfunction, disorders and diseases. Anti-aging and regenerative medicine is healthcare that is geared to prolong a healthy life span. The goal is to not merely prolong the total years of an individual’s life, but to ensure that those years are enjoyed. Anti-aging focuses on optimum wellness and longevity by comprehensive preventative health care testing and diagnostic services including lifestyle modification, nutrition therapy, fitness therapies, anti-stress therapies, and vitamin and hormone therapy. With early detection and appropriate intervention, many diseases can be prevented, cured, or have their downward course reversed. An anti-aging practice provides a comprehensive program based on the individual needs of a patient. So now when my patients tell me that they take their thyroid medicine yet they feel hypothyroid, or they can’t lose weight, or they have no energy, or they can’t sleep, or they have no sexual desire, or they can’t get pregnant, or they are losing hair, I can turn to them and say, “I just might have the answer.” 24/7 Mojdeh Haghverdi, MD, is board certified and fellowship-trained in internal medicine, anti-aging, and regeneration. She practices anti-aging and regenerative medicine atFountain Anti-Aging and Hormone Therapy located in Ramsey, NJ.
For more information about anti-aging medicine, listen to Bob Greene’s interview on CYACYL:
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