SIDNEWS Cos you haven't got anything better to read…….yet
Letter from the editor(s)
The big news this week is that swarms of locusts—of Biblical proportions—are set to descend on and destroy large swathes of farmland in Australia. Ironically, Sidney will be dealing with its own plague (please don’t be
Welcome Freshers! And welcome back to those of you who aren’t lucky enough to be Cambridge virgins.
offended, we do this a lot—Ed) of insect-like
Silent Disco. This hugely
to be a
original idea should turn Sidney from an archaic and ageing relic of the sixteenth century into a buzzing and beautiful hotbed of modernity and socialising 2.0.
creatures, commonly known as ‘Freshers’.
Charlotte Wabe, the Freshers’ representative, has organised a jampacked week to lure these newbies into the sticky social world of Sidney, To those of you who don’t know, this including its extra is SidNews, a pretty rubbish sum- sticky bar. Headphones will be availming-up of the 24/7 news events able for collection from that happen around college. Timetabled events include 7.15 at a location to be a barbaric ritual where announced. We hope to inform, amuse, abuse Freshers are forced to and inspire. Despite continual pleas parade around the college YAARGH! Two other for news, we know that you’ll never and city in billowing swashbuckling highlights actually send us anything. black gowns, attempting of the week will be the to distance themselves traditional pirate pub You bastards. from the preying townscraaarwl and alphabet people. After this, they bop, at which ‘dj white If you feel like signing us up at any are rewarded with a Nim- rabbit’ will reappraise Freshers’ squashes, our email ad- bus 2000. his performance on the dresses are imb28 and rc472. One of the highlights of See you around college. You’ll rec- the week will be the seognise us from our constant mirth, cret event on Tuesday flimsily masking our continual dissat- night, which SidNews can isfaction with life. We hope you’ve had a lovely summer and have enjoyed your holidays/internships/gap yahs/tv fest/ computer game marathon/hospital treatment.
Signed, the banter merchants.
Freshers’ Conversation card Most eager salutations, fellow Freshman! I belong to the house of…………………(insert name here). And yourself? I am eager to take up my studies of……………..at this noble institution, in which I hope to: a) achieve a starred first, b) find my‐ self, c) find myself bleary‐eyed at 2 am in Cin‐ dies after my third swap in a week. (delete as appropriate). How many poor countries did you visit on your gap yah? I myself shook hands with….minefield victims. My current relationship status is in a rela‐ tionahip/It’s complicated/I’m desperate. (delete as appropriate). How long are you planning to cling on to your childhood sweet‐ heart? I hope to meet you again at a) the ADC bar, b) Fez, at approximately 2.36 am, c) on the cam, d) in the library, e) never again, because my
Siditious From Sidney Siditious you cannot hide, (Believe me, the best have sorely tried) In cryptic form your gossip to show E’en should it cause you the greatest woe. Your darkest secrets herein shall lie, If you try anything scandalous on the sly,
SSBC hits America
Sidney Sussex Boat Club have returned from their grand tour in the USA. Reports are that Tim impressed our American cousins with his chunderbility. Mike Marsh, on the other hand, proved adept at keeping his food in, managing to consume a ‘120000-calorie pizza’. There are also reports of slight disappointment from our friends across the pond when they realised they weren't competing against Cambridge University, just some college nobody’s ever heard of. For more information, go to www.ssbc.org.uk. Varsity Trip If you like skiing, snowboarding, having fun, partying or try‐ ing new things, then this year’s Varsity Trip is for you! At 8am on Tuesday booking will open for the largest student ski trip in the world. This year 2500 Oxbridge students will go Val Thorens—the highest ski resort in the French Alps. Don’t miss out on what is sure to be an amazing, fan‐ tastic, brilliant and Sidney dominated experience! Con‐ tact Toby Ankers (ta313) or Seb Bailey (sb743) for more information. Or just visit www.varsitytrip.com !
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