INSIGHT INTO S E L F- E ST E E M
worth or significance will drain the cup and lower our levels of self-esteem. (We will be looking at that process more closely in Chapter Two.) Low levels mean that we have a thirsting to be valued, to be longed for, and to be accepted. We will look for that source, that filling, in all manner of places and persons: often in all places and persons other than God. We may look for it through acknowledgement of our behaviour: ‘If I’m the quiet child, my teacher might accept me’, even ‘If I’m the rebellious teenager, my parents might notice me’. Because, when I am noticed and accepted, I will feel good about myself. We look for it in our appearance when unconsciously we say, ‘If I am slim or very beautiful, perhaps I will know fame, become a supermodel, be recognised, and my self-esteem cup will be filled because I will feel good about myself.’ We look for it in work and success: ‘If I work hard and achieve, others will accept me, admire me, listen to me, and look up to me. Then I will value myself too.’ But each of these sources is short-term and shallow. They don’t last and are vulnerable to drought and evaporation. What happens if my behaviour is rejected or betrays my conscience? What if I lose my looks or illness makes me fat? Where do I go when I make mistakes at work, or someone more clever or skilled comes to take my place? What if I fail my Alevels? Will my parents still love me? Will I love myself? Our selfesteem plummets. Our cup is drained again – often to empty. All of those sources may be helpful top-ups for our self-esteem, but unless we find a genuine sense of who we are in relation to God and recognise Him as the source of our identity, we will always struggle with an emptying cup.
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