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Living happily ever divorced – It starts with you COMMENTARY By Rachael Noble My heart breaks when I hear stories of exes trying to pit the kids against one another or trying to suck as much money as possible out of one another as a form of punishment (or just plain laziness, because someone is used to staying at home and doesn’t want to get a job). Give me a break, people! Do you expect your kids to grow up to become contributing members of society with that kind of role model? I would not be preaching on this topic if I didn’t have experience in this area from my divorce nine years ago. From someone who has lived it, here are some healthy ways to live happily ever divorced (knock on wood). • Make it a point to say positive things about your ex to your kids and others. • Don’t try to milk your ex for all he/she has out of revenge or a lazy work attitude. • I hate the term “broken family.” Continue calling yourselves a family around your kids. • Spend at least one holiday together as a family each year. As crazy as it sounds, it’s not crazy to my family. It is for the good of our daughter, and nothing will keep us from doing what is best for her. • Practice kindness. You may not always
get the reaction you’re looking for, but responding with kindness, rather than arguments or drudging up the past, can possibly cool the fire. • Stop being so gosh darn high maintenance! So your ex didn’t dress your kid in the cutest clothes for picture day or fed your child too many sweets. Get over it, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Ask yourself this question: “Is my child still alive?” If the answer is yes, then close your mouth, bite your tongue and let it go, supermom! If you’re thinking about how your ex could benefit by reading this, you are not getting the point. Yes, it does take two to tango, but a healthy ex relationship starts with you. And if your ex never changes, then so be it. At least you did the right thing. Repeat after me: “It starts with me!” Despite less-than-ideal circumstances, we will continue to strive for a healthy relationship for our daughter’s sake. I wish this for you too. It can be done, but remember, it starts with you!
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Rachael Noble is a single Carmel resident and contributing columnist. She can be reached at nobleadvice@yahoo.com.
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