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Bitch Lisa Lampanelli is hot and bothered!

ON THE COVER: Photo by Anthony Coppa

features 12 Is Your Medicine Clean? You may be surprised to find out what’s on your green.

departments 6 Letter from the Editor Progress is on the horizon; look up.

8 News Nuggets Cannabis makes headlines here, there, everywhere— and we give you the scoop—PLUS our latest By the Numbers.

24 Destination Unknown Vietnam’s Central Highlands—the anti-tourist dream vacay.

26 Profiles in Courage Our latest feature provides insight into the life—and struggle—of a medical cannabis patient.

28 Strain, Edible &

Concentrate Reviews

Our ever-popular sampling of amazing strains, edibles and concentrates . . . you’re welcome.

40 Cool Stuff

Is new federal stance a giant leap for U.S. MMJ policy or too good to be true?

From ColorVue Crazy Lens contacts to Bartender’s Toolbox, if it’s a cuttingedge product or cool lifestyle gear, we’re all over it.

16 Growing Globally

44 Recipes

14 Top Tier Fear

Cannabis acceptance is gaining international speed.

18 The Regal Reign Jinkx Monsoon is takin’ the country by storm.

20 High and Mighty CULTURE sits down with the four most influential cannabis-growers.

22 Dead Like Me Misfits’ legendary rocker Doyle opens up to CULTURE. 4 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

It’s time to snuggle up with some hearty autumn eats and some warm tasty treats.

48 shooting gallery Here are the green-friendly things we saw you doing around town.

50 Entertainment Reviews The latest films, books, music and more that define our culture. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m



letter from the editor

Vol 5 IssUE 4

CULTURE Publisher

Jeremy Zachary


Look Up Finding peace in the harvest season “I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream…” –Vincent Van Gogh Looking up at the Harvest Moon, we are reminded of our delicate humanity and natural lives on this planet. It is the season for harvesting, and for reaping the rewards of a fruitful summer. Let this month inspire you to revel in all you’ve done since the last Harvest Moon. Take in all the accomplishments you’ve done, all the growth you have had. Now, take a deep breath and feel satisfied by all this. You deserve it. As a community, we deserve to feel pride—just look at the headway we’ve made over this last summer season. The federal government is growing, getting smarter and more considerate, in regards to our rights for natural relief with cannabis. Larger groups of conservatives are joining the—once thought of as edgy—fight for our freedoms, and the world as a whole is starting to see the cannabis reforms as a beneficial and stimulating action for our society and economy. In the days of alcohol prohibition, back in the early 1900s, the issue was a hotly debated topic, and went back and forth with the government and the citizens for over ten years. The lack of a solid popular consensus for the alcohol ban resulted in the growth of many criminal organizations, including mobs, gangs and mafias. Because of the disapproval by many, of this prohibition, disregard for laws went widespread, and created a chasm between the government, law officials and the citizens. Alcohol prohibition didn’t last long. We are at a crossroads now, with cannabis prohibition, and the solutions are naturally taking shape right before our eyes. In the depth of this recession, republicans, democrats and independents are all starting to come forward in seeing cannabis legalization as a saving grace for our economy, our health and our national community. There will be setbacks and injustices, but they are making us stronger as a community. With everyone’s efforts together, we’ll be all the better for them. Take a moment to look up at that harvest moon, and feel the progress we’ve made. It is nearly time to bask in its glow and be thankful, as we see the fruits of our labor taking shape. c

Sincerely, Evan A. Senn

Evan Senn

Arts & Entertainment Editor Ashley Bennett

Editorial Contributors

Dennis Argenzia, Omar Aziz, Stephanie Bishop, Hilary Bricken, David Burton, Michael Carlos, Grace Cayosa, Jasen T. Davis, Philip Dawdy, Alex Distefano, David Downs, Carolina Duque, James P. Gray, Lillian Isley, David Jenison, Liquid Todd, Kevin Longrie, Dan Macintosh, Meital Manzuri, Sandra Moriarty, Damian Nassiri, Paul Rogers, Jeff Schwartz, Alan Shackelford, Joy Shannon, Lanny Swerdlow, Arrissia Owen, Simon Weedn


Steve Baker, Kristopher Christensen, John Gilhooley, Amanda Holguin, Audrey King, Khai Le, David Elliot Lewis, Ryan Mazrim, Patrick Roddie, Kim Sidwell


Dulce Balandran, Kim Johnson, Derek Obregon

Art Director

Steven Myrdahl

Graphic Designers

Vidal Diaz, Tommy LaFleur

Director of Sales & Marketing Jim Saunders

Regional Account Manager Justin Marsh

Account Executives

Jon Bookatz, Gene Gorelik, Beau Odom, John Parker, Paulina Tapia-Porter, Dave Ruiz, Kim Slocum, April Tygart

Office Manager Iris Norsworthy

Office Assistant Jamie Solis

Social Media Manager Jamie Solis

IT Manager

Serg Muratov

Distribution Manager Cruz Bobadilla

Culture® Magazine is published every month and distributes 25,000 papers at over 600 locations throughout Washington. No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other matter within may be reproduced without written permission. Culture® Magazine is a registered trademark of Southland Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. 815 1st Ave | #220 Seattle | Washington | 98104 Phone 888.694.2046 | Fax 951.284.2596

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Washington adapts to the federal memo

THE STATE Feds work with dispensaries to discuss banking issue

The U.S. Department of Justice is moving forward supporting banking services for medical cannabis suppliers in Colorado and Washington State. King County Sheriff John Urquhart states, at the Congressional hearing, that he would work towards curbing the illegal cannabis market. By reducing issues surrounding illegal cannabis, Urquhart says that legal cannabis in Washington can gain more support. Deputy Attorney General James Cole discussed the need to make changes at the federal level in order to properly regulate cannabis dispensaries. The Department of Justice is discussing the need of banking services for medical cannabis dispensaries. While the U.S. House of Representatives already allows banking services for medical cannabis, the Senate has not yet drafted such laws. However by removing required reports when a bank handles medical cannabis, the banking services issue would be easier. Washington is currently seeking a new State bank to aid them in this venture.


The federal government’s shift in cannabis policy might lead to profound reforms around the country, but in Washington the news was more nuanced, allowing some breathing room for a legal-cannabis industry to develop, but leaving some obstacles unchanged. The Department of Justice released a statement on the recent legalization of medical cannabis in the states of Colorado and Washington, setting limits on the new measure. State officials are still waiting for loose ends to be tied up before launching the new measure. One issue is in regards to federally insured banks to do business with cannabis dispensaries. Also, forprofit business is allowed under the measure, opening up the potential of the mass marketing of medical cannabis. Critics have cited that for profit cannabis dispensaries are at a higher risk of violating federal laws. However, legal risks and loopholes remain as all of the pieces of legislation come together, including zoning regulations, transportation and banking services.

THE NATION New Jersey State Senate amends aspects of medical cannabis law The New Jersey State Senate amended New Jersey governor

Chris Christie’s recently vetoed medical cannabis law, according to The Tampa Tribune. The amended law now allows medical cannabis to be given to sick children as well as allowing farmers to grow more than three strains of medical cannabis. In the case of children, a pediatrician and psychiatrist must sign to give medical cannabis to patients. Governor Christie released a statement saying he supports the medical cannabis measure to include children with serious illnesses. The current measure requires a child to see a minimum of three doctors before being prescribed medical cannabis. However once the measure is passed, a child must only see one doctor to get the prescription. Governor Christie also realized the importance that certain strains of medical cannabis can be more or less effective in treating symptoms for patients. Unfortunately, New Jersey still does not allow strains high in non-psychoactive cannabinoid (CBD) and low THC to be sold or purchased.

different treatments for her child, May is now fighting for legislation to allow cannabis to be made available for medical use, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. Medical cannabis is illegal in Utah, however May’s efforts have organized other like-minded parents to begin advocating for children suffering from epilepsy. May states that after years of being prescribed a number of prescription drugs, there are few options left for her child. She stumbled upon the cannabis trail through reading an article about Colorado’s famous child advocate, Charlotte, whose amazing progress after using cannabis has reduced her seizures from 300 a week to just one. The Epilepsy Association of Utah supports May’s push and notes the medical value of extracting cannabidiol from the cannabis plant for people with epilepsy. In the past, Utah’s legislative heads have consistently

Utah mom seeks cannabis for her son

Jennifer May is making headlines in Utah as she fights for the health and well-being of her 11-year-old son, who has a form of epilepsy called Dravet Syndrome. She is to be prescribed medical cannabis to help in the reduction of seizures. After attempting over 25

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turned down any measure to legalize medical cannabis, saying that a lack of credible research being a main reason. Currently, possession of less than an ounce of cannabis can incriminate a six month jail time and $1,000 fine. However pharmaceutical company GW is running tests on a cannabis strain that is high in cannabidiol (CBD) that can significantly help patients suffering from epilepsy.

THE WORLD Mexico City looking to end violence with cannabis legalization

Mexico City is currently debating legalizing medical

cannabis through the creation of private clubs, according to The Huffington Post. A three-day forum was held in the capital to discuss possible solutions to the region’s drug trafficking problem. Councilwoman Esthela Damian of the Democratic Revolution Party presented several proposals at the meeting, including an increase in the number of cannabis plants per person to three and the possibility of non-profit cannabis clubs. Even former President Vicente Fox cited the legalization of cannabis as a possible solution to end the violence. Councilman Vidal Llerenas, who is a participant in drafting the medical cannabis bill, also weighed in on the issue, praising Washington’s law that allows anyone 21 and over to own and use, as well as the recent progress in Uruguay. However, he feels that realistically, the bill “would be something like in the Netherlands where consumption and possession are not penalized.” It’s no secret that the Mexican government has faced harsh violence over recent years due to drug cartels. Councilwoman Damian however is arguing that with the proper registration and organization, private cannabis clubs are a feasible idea for the future of Mexico City.

by the numbers edibles can contain: 100 (Source: SF Gate)


The cost in dollars, for a tour through Jamaican cannabis farms, including samples: 50 (Source: The Associated Press)

7 1

Number of plants that community cannabis gardens can grow (between 10 people): 45 (Source: Business Journal)

The age, in years, of a Utah youth, whose mother is helping to launch a legislative initiative to legalize a liquid form of medical cannabis in Utah: 11 (Source: Standard-Examiner)


Number of retail cannabis shops that were recently approved to open: 334 (Source:


Percent of medical cannabis patients estimated to go through licensed retailers by the end of the year to make purchases: 25 (Source:


The number of tests that Cannatest performs on cannabis and medibles on a weekly basis: 100 (Source: MSN News)


Amount of cannabis, in miligrams, that medicated


The number of signatures required to get the Sensible BC Marijuana Decriminalization Referendum onto the ballot in September 2014: 400,000 (Source:


The cost, in dollars, that Uruguay plans to sell legal cannabis—per gram—to compete with black market: 2.5 (Source: The Huffington Post)


The percent of Americans that had tried cannabis in 1985 vs. the percent of Americans have tried cannabis today: 33 vs. 38 (Source: The Huffington Post)



The amount of CBD vs THC, in parts, that the liquid form of medical cannabis used for Dravet patients has: 15 to 1 (Source: Standard-Examiner)


The number of states that hope to have cannabis regulations to treat cannabis like alcohol by 2017: 10 (Source: Bangor Daily News)

The number, in years, it took for American attitudes about cannabis to zigzag from the paranoia of “Reefer Madness” to the excesses of Woodstock back to the hard line of “Just Say No:” 50 (Source: The Associated Press)

Cannafest Prague 2013 We Americans are proud to see the vast improvement that our cannabis communities have experienced over the past year—and we like to show our strides to the world with annual conventions like Kush Expo and Hempfest. However nothing compares to the world’s largest, renowned, international cannabis trade show—Cannafest. In its 4th year, Cannafest takes place in beautiful Prague, in the Czech Republic. The event invites both cannabis fans as well as industry professionals to gather in support of the latest innovations and trends in the industry. A whopping 150 exhibitors hailing from 17 different countries will populate the Prague Exhibition Grounds, from the newest in fertilizing and cultivation to your favorite cannabis publications. Cannafest will also bring together leading cannabis celebrities such as Howard Marks (aka Mr. Nice) with a book signing, as well as lectures by Professor Lumír Hanuš and a medical cannabis expert Liana Held. Such a diverse event will be the perfect opportunity for industry’s leading media educators and legalization supporters (including CULTURE) to continue doing what they do best—spreading the word about cannabis, cannabis lifestyle and its many beneficial properties.


What: Cannafest Prague. When/Where: November 8-10. Incheba Expo Prague Holesovice, Areál Výstaviště 67, 170 00 Prague, Czech Republic. Info: Check out www. or for more info. OCTOBER 2013 • CULTURE 11


Safety in Numbers Getting smart on clean By Jeff Raber



here are many different aspects of medical cannabis which touch both users and non-users in a variety of ways. From which product forms are available and utilized in which areas to which variety is going to be most helpful for a particular ailment. An issue that impacts both medical cannabis consumers and non-consumers is the legal structure and laws around the regulation of the production and distribution of these medications. Recently the Federal Department of Justice released a memo describing how it shall be a low priority to pursue marijuana cultivators and providers who are operating pursuant to state laws and are operating within a set of comprehensive regulations that both prevents problems and meets federal standards for the protection of public health. Unfortunately, many states have not formally established a well-defined, clear and easily interpretable set of laws and regulations that will provide a bright line of understanding to both law enforcement and the 12 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

cannabis community. As we have written previously about the potential for considerable exposure of pesticides via inhalation, where almost 70 percent of the pesticide present on the plant material could be exposed to a user’s lungs, the cannabis community has become quite concerned about pesticides being present in our medicine. In lab testing, we have observed that more than 10 percent of the samples tested have failed our pesticide screen. We’ve sampled in some smaller areas that have resulted in almost 30 percent of the samples being contaminated with a pesticide in our screen. To better understand what a patient might access, 15 different flower samples were collected anonymously from a variety of sources. These samples ranged in THC content from 1023 percent, with many of them reaching 19 percent or greater. Of these particular samples six percent failed our pesticide screen. This corroborates an existing hypothesis that 10 percent

You are what you eat of the overall samples being contaminated with pesticides as concentrates and waxes are observed at a higher rate of failure than flowers. With some areas’ current position of “no pesticides being currently allowed for use on cannabis,” we have adopted a sensitive and broad-based screening methodology. We look for 30 different pesticides and chemical residues at levels that have been calculated based on current EPA allowable daily intake limits for use on other ingestible products. The two most prevalent chemicals we find are the plant growth regulator paclobutrazol and the pyrethoid insecticide bifenthrin. It is important to note that a pesticide pass or failure is only indicative of the pesticides looked for by the laboratory using that particular methodology. Considering one in 10 products a patient acquires from a dispensary will contain a pesticide or plant growth regulator, it is imperative that patients start seeking safety tested medications. Producers and providers need to remember they have a responsibility to everyone who may potentially consume their medicine. It is only right to ensure all of our medicine is clean and free of contaminants, and as a community we can demand that it is done properly. c

The July deaths of 23 Indian children from what authorities are calling pesticide-tainted school lunches have raised questions about insectkilling chemicals used overseas and at home. The children died after eating a free meal of rice, potatoes and soy. It was thought to contain an organophosphate insecticide, according to an official involved with the ongoing investigation. Investigators found a container of pesticide in the school’s cooking area, according to The Associated Press, and said the rice might have been tainted and improperly washed. A cook said oil used to prepare the meal looked unusual, but that she was told by the principal to use it anyway. Organophosphates are used widely around the world and are the most common pesticide in the U.S., with an estimated 73 million pounds of the chemical sprayed on American crops in 2001, according to the National Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m




Interference A positive move for the cannabis industry— but is it too

By Philip Dawdy

good to be true?


nless you took a summer vacation on Mars recently, you’ve surely heard that on August 29 the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) finally announced its formal response to

cannabis legalization initiatives in Colorado and Washington states. In a four-page memo, Deputy Attorney General James Cole stated that the feds would not sue either state for having legalized

Here’s Hoping! A measure of how tricky things will get with whatever detente has broken out with the feds and Colorado and Washington was on display only days after DOJ’s attitude shift. On September 4, the Washington State Liquor Control Board issued draft rules for recreational cannabis retail stores, allowing for I-502’s 1,000 foot buffers but measuring 1,000 distances using common path of travel, a more liberal method than the fed’s preference for property line to property line measured as the crow flies. The difference is the ability to locate stores in dense urban cities such as Seattle. The feds were not amused. On September 10, the two US Attorneys for Washington met with Governor Jay Inslee in Olympia along with WSLCB


cannabis for recreational use and that DOJ would not go after cannabis retailers and growers who will operate under the two states’ highly-regulated licensing systems. The announcement came almost 10 months after voters in Colorado and Washington State approved separate legalization initiatives. While the feds did not legalize cannabis nationwide, cannabis advocates hailed the move as an epic sea change from the cannabis-hating feds. “This is a very significant shift in how the federal government is approaching marijuana policy,” says Mason Tvert, a co-author of Colorado’s Amendment 64 and communications director for the Marijuana Policy Project, of the feds’ new mostly-hands-off approach. “It clearly indicated that states can legalize and regulate for adult recreational or medical use regardless of the conflict with federal law.” Under federal law, cannabis is a Schedule 1 narcotic, meaning it’s highly addictive and has no known medical value. The new Cole Memo does nothing to change that, but it does seem to signal the beginning of the end of federal cannabis prohibition. The feds being the feds, the memo does contain a gigantic caveat in eight areas of concern—such as diversion to other non-legal states, use amongst teens and so-called

stoned-driving rates—which, if any of them go sideways, then the DOJ reserves the right to come after the newly legal possession, distribution and production systems, tightly-regulated or not. Tvert thinks it’ll help in other states seeking to legalize for themselves. “The whole ‘It’s illegal federally’ argument goes out the window now,” he says, and adds that MPP is working to get a legalization initiative on the ballot in Alaska next year with several other states expected to follow in 2016. Legalization advocates in Oregon are expected to have an initiative on the fall ballot there in 2014. In the aftermath of the policy shift, the US Attorney for Western Washington, Jenny Durkan, claimed that medical cannabis in the Evergreen State is now “not tenable,” leaving many medical cannabis operators nervous and pressuring the State Legislature to finally enact much needed regulations very quickly.While only time will tell, one of the first tests of the feds’ softening stance will be how quickly DOJ and the Department of Treasury move to allow banks to accept deposits from state-licensed cannabis businesses without the threat of interference. Stay tuned. c

director Rick Garza. The feds told Inslee and Garza that federal law enforcement would continue to enforce its conservative calculations as to the 1,000 foot rule. “They said that if our rules continued that way there would be businesses out of compliance with federal law and they could be shut down,” says LCB Communications Director Brian Smith. On September 13, Garza announced that LCB’s rules for recreational cannabis locations would revert to the tighter federal approach, knocking out dozens of potential retail and production locations across Washington State. But there was one potential positive in this capitulation. Smith says that the feds are fine with how LCB has gone about defining certain locations such as parks and recreation centers. “We left that meeting (with the feds) knowing what needed to happen and we took care of that,” says Smith. “I think they followed our rules process very carefully.”

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The Growing

Epidemic International Embrace By Stephanie Bishop


he 1961 Single Convention on Narcotic Drugs created a prohibitive zero tolerance policy with goals to eliminate and limit the cultivation, distribution and possession of illicit drugs. At the time, 185 states signed on effectively bringing United States drug policy to lawmakers in most of the world. Very few countries opted for exclusion. Afghanistan is one such country. For perspective, there are 195 nation states recognized in the world today. In the United States, the Controlled Substances Act of 1971 set legislature to comply with the United Nations (UN) Convention. This act replaced and unified previous agreements and created the DEA’s Drug Diversion Program where narcotic drugs, including cannabis are scheduled according to their medicinal value and potential for abuse. Much has happened all over the world since the UN Convention in the war on drugs. Each country has had to define laws to comply as well as find ways to work outside of these laws to continue business as usual. Many countries who have embraced cannabis as medicine since the beginning of time never stopped producing the 16 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

plant and risk everything to use cannabis as a livelihood strategy continuing traditions stretching back in some cases to the beginning of human history. Morocco has been the leading producer of hash enjoyed in European markets for a very long time, 2010 produced 760 tons of cannabis resin according to a UN report published last

year. Farmers here have grown cannabis and used the plant in everyday life for centuries. Most countries changed policy to comply with the UN convention on narcotic drugs and carried on with eradication efforts, however, Morocco simply initiated an undocumented system of bribery where farmers paid local law enforcement officials not to conduct raids on their farms. Today, Moroccan officials are considering draft legislation allowing for the licensing of cannabis farmers. The countries intentions are to make cannabis products avail-

able on global markets as more medicinal uses for the plant are discovered and consumer trends develop. Modern day Afghanistan is now considered the leading producer of cannabis after farmers in 2012 produced an estimated 1,400 tons of cannabis. The area is well known by cannabis enthusiasts for Afghan strains found in American and European markets. Most of these strains are sativas brought to global markets by hippies who traveled there in the mid ‘70s and returned home with seeds. Today, Soldiers deployed in the country bring seeds back and become growers once they have completed their service. There is no way to calculate the economic impact of a mass system of distribution and production where seeds have traveled with thousands of individuals over decades of time. Cannabis production dwarfs opium production in Afghanistan, the leading producer of black market opium. Attempts made by local officials to curb opium production are met with a measurable increase in cannabis production. Uruguay has seen a tremendous amount of violence throughout the decades since participating in the UN Convention battling drug cartels. The losses are immeasurable leaving officials looking for bold and creative ways to take power from drug lords and restore a peaceable, safe environment. Recent changes in the laws removing criminal penalties for the personal use and possession of all drugs, initiating a medical cannabis program in which government agencies would produce and distribute to qualified patients and initiating legislation for the regulation for recreational use are all efforts to curb drug violence in the country. It was U.S. anti-drug policy that shaped the UN Convention on Narcotic Drugs. Ironically, it appears as countries follow U.S. lead with regards to cannabis policy, it will be U.S. policy ending prohibition on a global level. c V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m



You are a beautiful woman and man. What is your earliest memory of identifying as feminine? When I was a kid, as early as five years old, I used to wrap myself in a knitted afghan whenever I was at home, to look like Morticia Addams. There are actually numerous family photos with me in my DIY gown. Growing up and pursuing your career in theatre, was there a moment when you could have given up and gone a different path? If so, what made you stay on the path you are on now? When I was deciding on a college, I had to answer this question: Do I go to theater school and concentrate on spending my life as a performer/ actor; or, do I go to a liberal arts college to have a more reliable career focused on stability rather than passion? There wasn’t much money for me to go to college, so there was a touch of pressure on me to make the “responsible, right” choice . . . Ultimately, I decided to go for what I was passionate about, but my Plan B was to study English and become a teacher. Honors English was one of my favorite subjects in school, especially when we were studying Shakespeare. So, that’s where I’d be today if I weren’t doing this.


Monsoon Season! Jinkx Monsoon Queen

Rules Right

By Joy Shannon Who would have guessed that the narcoleptic, underdog, dark horse of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 5—Jinkx Monsoon—would have won the title of “America’s Next Drag Superstar!” Currently performing on Broadway in The Vaudevillians to excellent reviews, Jinkx has already used her drag superstardom to keep moving forward in the direction of her dreams. The Huffington Post recently reviewed Jinkx as a “real star” who is “show[ing] off talent that was only glimpsed at on Drag Race.” Jinkx first stole fans’ hearts early on during RuPaul’s Drag Race when she impeccably and hilariously portrayed the cult classic character Little Edie from the documentary Grey Gardens. During the show’s season, Jinkx weathered criticisms from the judges and her fellow drag queens—especially the pageant-oriented queens—for her quirky take on fashion. Jinkx’s memorable looks have always leaned toward vintage-inspired and character-driven, rather than high-fashion runway. When Jinkx accepted her crown as “America’s New Drag Superstar,” she declared that she would be an activist for marriage equality, which has proven to be an eventful fight across the country this past year. Jinkx recently spoke to CULTURE about everything about her childhood, the choices that led her to theatre and her medical cannabis use.


Your mantra of “water off a ducks back” has become a charming catch phrase, yet it is also a meaningful mantra. When did you first start using this mantra? My drag sister Robbie said it to me when I first started working a lot in Seattle, and I faced a lot of criticism from other queens in the area who, for whatever reason, were extremely competitive and critical of me. Robbie said, “Whatever, it’s just water off a duck’s back.” That mantra (which helped me through the rougher parts of RuPaul’s Drag Race) means that I take in notes and critiques, learn what I can from them by separating my emotion from the notes, and let go of any negativity I sense and take the good from all of what I get. I always try to remember, it’s not about me, it’s about the work. At the end of your career, what would you like to have accomplished? I hope I will be recognized as a true artist in my field, and I hope I will leave a positive and substantial impact on my community. What are your thoughts about medicinal cannabis legalization in the US? I honestly think it’s silly that alcohol is legal and cannabis isn’t. As one who uses medicinal cannabis for my narcolepsy, I can tell you that, when I’m drunk, I act coo-coo banana crackers. But when I’ve smoked, I’m still me . . . just relaxed. Alcohol is, to me, much more destructive, and cannabis is much more therapeutic. And that’s what I think about that. c

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V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m

Over the last few decades, growing cannabis as well as publishing cannabis books was more than illegal, it was a borderline revolutionary act—tantamount to creating the Anarchist Cookbook. But over the last 15 years, mainstream America has veered toward embracing cannabis cultivation’s visionaries. Below, CULTURE chats with some of the growing industry’s biggest names and revels in their innovation and determination.

DJ SHORT Celebrity grower DJ Short has made himself a household name with Blueberry and Flo, two iconic strains that have led to endless crosses including industry blockbuster Blue Dream. What was the first cannabis plant you grew? DJ Short: Seeded Hawaiian. I put a whole bud with probably 10 or 15 seeds in it in a little sprout dome that came in a box of breakfast cereal. They all just sort of sprouted and off they went. Didn’t know about budding, didn’t know about flowering, just grew these bigass plants. You said you gave away your trade secret Blueberry? DJ Short: Ya, and Flo. I open sourced it . . . In 1982, I knew the value of my seed collection. And I told my mother in the mid ‘80s, ‘Mom, I’m gonna be famous from this.’ Do people recognize you in the grocery store? DJ Short: Sometimes . . . I don’t promote me. I love being able to walk into a dispensary and have nobody know who I am.

DANNY DANKO Russia-born senior cultivation editor of High Times Danny Danko is the author of numerous bestselling books and host of the Free Cannabis podcast. Tell me about growing ganja in New York City for the last 18 years. Danko: Growing in a city like New York is not easy. You don’t want anyone to know what you’re doing because you’re basically prey to people who want to rob you. I mean you can have all the odor control in the world, but when it’s harvest time and you’re trimming five pounds of cannabis, it’s gonna smell, people are going to notice. So it’s difficult, but it wasn’t impossible. A lot of growers are worried about what legalization is going to do to the price of cannabis. Danko: I do think prohibition is doomed and I think the price of cannabis is going to plummet. It’s gonna cost pennies on the dollar, comparatively. We’ve already seen it in Colorado. And pretty soon it’ll be between $50 and $100 per ounce tops. How did you get the High Times gig? Danko: I started out just trying to get my foot in the door any way possible. I answered telephones and broke down boxes . . . When the cultivation reporter position opened up; it was a pretty natural fit.

The Blueberry strain is without a doubt one of the most popular cannabis hybrids available in seed form today. The history of the strain takes us back to the West Coast in the 1970s, where DJ Short was working on a multitude of exotic hybrids and growing experiments from places like Colombia, Panama, Mexico and Thailand. Short applied his talented green thumb to breeding and created new floral lines using three exotic plants he had discovered. Soon enough he established his two best known strains; namely Blueberry and Flo. Short created the Blueberry by crossing the earlier lines to Juicy Fruit/ Afghani plant hybrids. This means that there is a little of two sativa mothers in the Blueberry. Short, himself, explained that some traits were more accessible through the Purple Thai, while others could be found by further crossing the plant to the Juicy Fruit Thai hybrid. The Original Blueberry was bred towards an indica expression although a more sativa dominant plant was also worked on and later refined into what we today know as the Blueberry Sativa.

ED ROSENTHAL Ed Rosenthal was born in the Bronx, New York in 1944, and after starting High Times magazine with Tom Forcade in ‘74, became a household name as a cannabis cultivator/educator, releasing what many have called the cannabis growing bible, Ed Rosenthal’s Cannabis Growing Handbook. Looking back on your career, what do you attribute your success to? Rosenthal: There are several things. I like telling people what to do. I have a lot of tenacity. I was also too dumb to realize what dangerous situations I’ve put myself in all my life by being open and available. Other people might have thought about the riskreward ratio in a different way, and I don’t scare easily. And I think I just give good advice because people keep buying my books. Also, there hasn’t been a lot of real meaningful competition. All these other writers who wrote for High Times went on to bigger and better writing careers. I guess I was too dumb to get out of it. It seems like a real revolutionary act to author these books back then. Rosenthal: I was in the Yippies and we moved from the Vietnam War to drug laws. When did you first cultivate cannabis? Rosenthal: ‘66, something like that. I lived in a big old apartment in New York that was limited to 320 watts. We were actually smoking leaves all the time. How does it feel to have been right all these years? Rosenthal: It’s not just me and it’s not just this issue. Everything the hippies stood for—issues of war and peace, the environment, food, civil rights—is coming to pass whether people like it or not. That’s the way it is.

JORGE CERVANTES George Van Patten “Jorge Cervantes” was born in Ontario, Oregon in 1953. His early love of plants led to a career as a cannabis grower and writer wherein he covered cultivation for High Times for 10 years and wrote what many consider the growing bible, Marijuana Horticulture: The Indoor/Outdoor Medical Grower’s Bible, which has been translated into six languages. You were a newspaper boy, and then a photographer and press operator, how did exposure to the media world affect your life? Cervantes: It helped immensely in my career because I understood how everything worked. I started self-publishing right at the beginning of the desktop publishing revolution. What was your first exposure to cannabis? Cervantes: Probably the movie Easy Rider when they all got stoned one night. My friend and I bought an ounce of Mexican dirt cannabis and four of us went in my car and we smoked it in my dad’s tobacco pipe. When did you first plant cannabis? Cervantes: In Mexico in ‘76. I just grew a little bit outdoors. It was no big deal then. Nobody cared so much. How does it feel to have been right about legalization? Cervantes: Vindicating. 100 percent. I had family members feel sorry for me and call me a criminal, that was the worst feeling. Now it’s much better and I’ve seen people back up and pretend they didn’t think that. What three traits were essential to your success? Cervantes: Always be true to yourself. Always. Trust yourself. Don’t give up. No matter what anybody says, they’re not talking about you, they’re talking about themselves. And work hard, because that’s the way it is. You get very little in the world because of luck. c


tu n es

Misfit Adventures Infamous

Doyle gets down and dirty with CULTURE

By Alex Distefano


he Misfits are a world renowned punk rock band with a cult like following, that was formed in 1977 by bass player Jerry Only and singer Glenn Danzig. At the forefront of the horror punk movement and even foreshadowing a dark, monster-obsessed form of rock which would inspire many metal musicians, guitarist and brother of Jerry Only, Doyle joined the band at age 15 in the early ‘80s and has since been responsible for some of the most iconic guitar playing, on some of the Misfits classic material. With his signature corpse paint, Devils-lock and an arsenal of guitar riffs, Doyle is respected for his innovative, explosive mix of death punk rock-n-roll with the Misfits and his solo music, with the initial band Gorgeous Frankenstein and currently with his new musical project, simply titled Doyle. Doyle took time to speak with Culture recently, just

before his performance with Danzig as part of the special Danzig 25th Anniversary tour last month. This particular show was extra special; it was the very last concert to ever occured at the legendary Gibson Amphitheater in Southern California. The venue will be converted to a new Harry Potter attraction in the near future. In terms of his newly anticipated solo album, entitled Abominator, Doyle said that he is on fire and very eager to share his music and tour to support the record. “The new album’s ready. It was out digitally, but comes out physically at the end of October,” Doyle said. “We’re all ready to go. I can’t wait.” Doyle said this project, which is a slab of punk and metal fury for fans of Misfits and Danzig, has been in the works for several years and aside from the album, Abominator, even more music is on the way. “We started writing in 2008, we had enough for two and

a half records,” he told Culture. “We recorded it all ourselves. The second one is almost finished, it will be out in the near future.” Although one might imagine that every day is Halloween for Doyle, he admits that he doesn’t always get the chance to celebrate it with his family. “Usually, on Halloween we’re on tour and I’m at a show working,” he said. “I wish I could at least take my kids trick or treating, that would be fun.” Among Doyle’s other ventures

include a non musical endeavor that is like a fiery assault on your taste buds. Doyle has his own brand of bottled hot sauce, known as Made In Hell. He told Culture that his secret is in adding nonconventional ingredients. “I tasted the [original recipe] and decided to add some spices I like,” he said. “I like spicy food and think it’s good, I hope people like it, I have a new one coming out soon as well, and that will be even hotter.” c

Health and Wellness Although Misfits is not known for being lumped in with the “stoner crowd,” Doyle said that he ultimately supports the freedom of people to use cannabis for recreational and medicinal purposes. The band was formed in the late ‘70s, in New Jersey, a state that now joins many other states in the country with similar laws regarding cannabis, with laws being passed in 2010. Doyle focuses his lifestyle on music, family and keeping physically fit. Doyle said that keeping in shape is the only way to live a lifestyle of live shows and constant touring. With his amazing physique, he insists he could do better. “I have been working out for 38 years man I should be looking a lot better than I do,” he said.


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destination unknown Tantalizing

By Dennis Argenzia and Edengrace Cayosa



Tay Nguyen

Vietnam’s South Central is rich with greenery, life and unspoiled eccentricites


e are in a decrepit van, hurtling down open road. There are too many benches, several women vomiting into dangerously thin green plastic bags, a single aimless cockroach and a man dangling out of the open side door. Frequently, Dangly Man grabs someone outside the van, throws them inside, and vice versa, all with barely any deceleration in the van’s speed. However, the people are not angry; in fact, they pay him, as we have. We are on our way to Vietnam’s Central Highlands. This is our third trip to Vietnam, and we’ve already hit the big targets: Hanoi in the north, Ho Chi Minh in the south, Mui Ne and Nha Trang in the central coast, etc. Now, it’s time for traveler recommendations, and one traveler has said the golden words, “I heard the Central Highlands doesn’t get many foreign tourists.” Our adventure doesn’t cover all of the Central Highlands (which butts up against the borders of Laos and Cambodia), just the big three cities: Kontum, Buon Ma Thuot and Dalat. We arrive in Kontum covered in road dust and remarkably bruise-free. We are greeted by more road dust and virtually no tout. That traveler wasn’t joking: this place doesn’t get a lot of foreign tourists, probably


because it isn’t obvious what you’re supposed to be doing here. Ah, but if you match curiosity with a hardy little motorcycle rental . . . oh the things you’ll see! Kontum is home to the Montagnards, a name that reflects Vietnam’s French Colonial past and a pretty moniker for the Degar indigenous minority group that often gets the crap end of any interaction with predominantly ethnic Vietnamese government. The Degar build distinct stilted structures called “rong” long houses, which are awesome for four reasons: 1) you have to climb up a notched tree trunk to get inside; 2) they have huge vaulted roofs; 3) they are still actively used for communal purposes; and 4) they are often locked because of too much “one-onone” use. And because the Degar are mostly Christian, you’re likely to see a cross marking the path to a “rong” long house. After a few indulgent days of off-road riding through orchards and stunning sunsets, it was time to move on, so we braved yet another exhilarating van ride to get to Buon Ma Thuot, the capital of the Central Highlands. While bigger than Kontum, Buon Ma Thuot was even less touristy, as this city gets its revenue from its famous coffee plantations, not tourism. There are package trips to Lak Lake and the Ede hill tribes outside the city, but we decided to keep it simple

and drop by the Dray Sap and Gia Long waterfalls instead. We definitely couldn’t leave Buon Ma Thuot without trying their legendary “ca phe sua da” or iced Vietnamese coffee with milk. If you like your coffee alpha strong with a diabetes-inducing amount of sugar, this stuff is instant addiction: a thick slurry of rich coffee drips into a glass cup containing ice and at least half an inch of sweetened condensed milk. Stir, sip and buzz for hours! Amped up on caffeine, we were ready for the final stop of our Central Highland trip: Dalat. Formerly a cool mountain retreat for wealthy French colonists escaping the heat and misery of Ho Chi Minh City, Dalat is still extremely popular with domestic tourists, especially couples. Here we witnessed the ultimate expression of kitschy Indochine love: plastic swan paddle boats in a man-made lake; re-imagined French gardens with topiaries shaped like teapots; a “Valley of Love” featuring giant elves-on-mushrooms. c

The Balanced Experience

The path to romance goes completely awry at the Hang Nga Crazy House. Do not visit this place if you have taken mind-altering substances. The Crazy House is what happens when an architect uses paintings instead of floor plans. It’s organic, filled with nooks, passageways and concrete animals, and a functioning guesthouse. Yet there is balance to all the bizarre—mellow cafes, fresh fruit and flower markets, scenic forest roads, Buddhist temples and serene Christian cemeteries—and balance is the secret to Dalat’s widespread appeal. We stayed for weeks. We end with a quick, disappointing green report. While marijuana is often craftily grown amidst legitimate Central Highland crops like coffee and corn, quality is generally poor. Better to spend your Vietnamese dong (ha ha) on potent coffee or a nice flavored shisha.

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profiles in courage

Are you an MMJ patient from Washington with a compelling story to tell? If so, we want to hear from you. Email your name, contact information and details about your experiences with medical cannabis to


I had just suffered a seizure (that caused me to fall and fracture my pelvis in three places), I was supposed to take something like . . . 6-10 different medications! It just seemed to be so much! But it was all the possible side effects from chemicals I had never even heard of that I could no longer subject my body to, and medical cannabis was the perfect solution!


Patient: Tonya Green

AGE: Condition/ Illness: 51 years young.

Severe nerve damage to my back L-1 to L-6, also severe anxiety and severe depression due to PTSD.

Using medical cannabis since: 2010

Yes, of course I did . . . isn’t that normal? I was prescribed this, that and every other pharmaceutical for my various aches and pains. But personally, when the prescription states that it “MAY CAUSE CANCER?” Enough was enough. Yes, I tried the “other methods” prescribed and I was highly disappointed. I’ve always preferred the natural approach, chemicals are scary . . . and the “possible side effects” totally freak me out.   


I think it is obvious to anyone concerned that the whole legality of our precious medical cannabis and our dispensaries are constantly in jeopardy. And it is upsetting in many ways. But I believe that knowledge is the key. I really believe in the many benefits of this herb which nature has given us.



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strain, edible & concentrate reviews GET YOUR CLICK HERE

The “O” Brownie Every so often we run into a medical cannabis edible that’s close to perfect. This is one of those edibles. The “O” Brownie, made by Munchies Gourmet Edibles and available all around western Washington, is a tasty delight with a white chocolate center. It contains one gram of kief-infused into butter, making each brownie potent enough to count as two doses. We found one dose to be more than sufficient for our pain management needs with effects easing in 30 minutes after ingestion and hitting full stride at one hour. Unlike some edibles, this one won’t make you uncomfortably numb. Instead, it’s lightly activating, more so physically than mentally and completely nuked our aches and pains for well over four hours. Needless to say, this is strong medicine and should remain the province of experienced patients—and its use should stay far apart for trains, planes, automobiles and other complex tasks.

Ace of Spades We have no idea if Motorhead’s Lemmy enjoys medical cannabis, but we think he’d take one look at his great song’s offspring and say, “freakin’ pretty.” A creation of TGA Genetics, it’s primarily a cross of Black Cherry Soda and Jack the Ripper, but if TGA’s website is to be believed it also has genetics from six other strains in it. The result is one of the most gorgeous strains in late flower that we’ve ever seen (do a Google image search if you doubt us) and excellent medicine. From the Trees Collective in the Upper Greenwood area of North Seattle, this 70 percent indica is heavy duty in its effects on pain, anxiety, insomnia and stress plus it has enough of the right sativas in its make-up (Jack the Ripper, Cinderella 99, etc.) to keep the experience somewhat activating. Not that it had us singing sludge rock classics or anything.

Rainbow Kush Rainbow Kush is a seldom seen strain and, if our experience is any guide, that’s got to change. With genetics that include Master Kush and Hindu Kush, you’d expect it to be old school strong. You will not be disappointed. Effects set in fast and go more to the body than the cerebellum and the overall impact is one of calm and bliss. That’s thanks to this strain’s reported .50 percent CBDs. We found that it made our aches and back spasms ebb away for a solid 90 minutes. It’s also an awesome strain for stress and anxiety relief. Best of all, this is simply a gorgeous strain to gaze upon with its intense purple-red and dark green buds, emblematic of its deep indica heritage. From Puget Sound Health Alternatives in the Interbay/Queen Anne area Rainbow Kush does have slight couch-locking tendencies, so most patients will want to keep its highly-recommended use to evenings and nights.


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Unicorn Horn We love the all tinkering and experimentation that’s been occurring with medical cannabis genetics in Washington. Some impressive hybrids have developed and you may now add Unicorn Horn to the pack of excellent newbies. Developed by Canna Pi in Georgetown, it’s a cross of The White (a fabled indica of unknown parentage) and Dairy Queen (a powerful blend of Cheese and Space Queen). Those genetics alone tell you that Unicorn Horn will be strong medicine and reality does not betray that promise. Effects come on rapidly and get into your body right away, tackling inflammation especially well while inducing euphoria. This is an excellent strain for pain and spasms, but we found it to be a bit of a couch locker, so keep its use to non-task times. Unicorn Horn would also be a solid choice for evening and nighttime stress and insomnia or those lazy rainy weekends that will soon be upon us.

Blueberry Oil We could do this review in one word and that word would be “Wow!” But, then, you’d want to know why. Suffice to say that this concentrate— from Cannabis Club in Tacoma—is one of the strongest oils we’ve ever vaporized—this is no exaggeration—and had wonderfully soothing body effects (thanks to this oil’s two percent CBD content) that came on instantly and kept pouring it on for three-plus hours. Only strong medicine acts like that and requires this specific warning: Stay the heck away from your car while under its influence. In other words, “Wow!”

Space Dawg Have you ever noticed how some medical cannabis collectives always offer strong medicine? Here we go again with Columbia City Holistic Health, which has already earned its reputation for strong stuff with its Space Oil. This time it’s an powerful cross of Space Dude and Snow Dawg known as Space Dawg, an indica-dominant that can be quite, um, spacy in its effects, although that is muted somewhat by a calming aspect of this strain. Space Dawg smells floral and fruity and is slightly peppery on its finish. This strain is an excellent choice for anxiety and stress but it can make it difficult to focus. Effects hit rapidly and sort of take things over, if you know what we mean. We’re told this example was grown using the “deep chunk” technique, which involves special super soils and teas plus a 30-day flush at the end of budding. That’s why this one is so very smooth.


strain, edible & concentrate reviews

Red Dragon Red Dragon’s reputation is as a euphoriainducer and in concentrate form the effect is even more intense: downright giggles here. This shatter from Sodo Holistic Health in Sodo needs to be handled carefully and worked into shape with the warmth of your fingers. Smooth on the uptake, this extract is sweet in flavor and is very effective for anxiety and pain relief. Its body effects lasted for over two hours, so set aside some time to enjoy. We’re told that patients with migraines experience relief with this strain as well.

Chem Valley Kush It’s not too often that we run into a strain that reminds us of the classic “Christmas Tree” cannabis strains of the 1980s, but Chem Valley Kush does. Just look at its interplay of green bud and red hairs and you’ll understand what some of our cannabis history looks like. Its genetics are Chem Dawg crossed with San Fernando Valley OG, both much revered strains. There’s little odor to this example from Safe Access in West Seattle—no surprise really, as the Chems and OGs of the world are usually not highly odoriferous. While Chem Valley Kush does sound as if it’s named after a special place in New Jersey, most patients will love the results because this is a highly potent ever-so-slightly sativa dominant. It’s yet another euphoria-inducer, so it’s a good choice for anxiety and stress issues as well depressive symptoms. We also found it to be an effective daytime pain medicine.

White Widow Max There are a lot of “White Widows” in Western Washington, many of varying looks and quality. That’s what can happen to the genetics of Cannabis Cup winning strains: They get so popular and so picked apart by growers that their what-made-them-great-in-thefirst-place genetics can get watered down over time. So what the folks at Lake Stevens’ Healing Leaf have done is gone back in time and literally recreated White Widow’s original genetics, which are a cross of a Brazilian sativa and a South Indian indica. We really loved the result back in the ‘90s and we love this new take on White Widow, which results in a very strong, big old mule kick of THC. White Widow is slightly indica dominant and has always been an excellent pain and stress reliever and this Max version is true to form. It’s a great strain for pain, anxiety and overall stress.


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Mars With a spacey name like Mars, you’d expect this strain to shoot you into interplanetary spaces and this one certainly does remove you from yourself mentally, enveloping you in a sense of spacy calmness. That’s what happens when strains are high in THC and CBDs, as is this one from Olympia Alternative Medicine—so nighttime use only. All that means is that this isn’t merely an indica-dominant, it’s 100 percent with small dark green buds packed with red hairs and giving off that straight-out-ofAfghanistan deep purple odor that can fill a room in seconds. Like all the heavy indicas, Mars is great for pain, anxiety, insomnia and we can vouch for its anti-spastic properties. We can also tell that Mars’ middle name should be “Couch Lock,” because that’s definitely an effect of this strain and one that should keep patients using near home.

Northern Berry Hash Oil We’ve reviewed this wonderful indica in dried flower form before and we’re just as enthusiastic about it in concentrate form. Northern Berry is simply an awesome strain, a slight variant on classic Blueberry. Of course, it’s sweet in flavor on uptake and super smooth. Effects are immediate and intense, resulting in two hours of superb pain relief and such mental bliss that anxieties and concerns are simply not possible. This concentrate from Tacoma’s Natures Resource Center is taffy-like in consistency, so it’s easy to shape for dabbing tools and vapor pens.

Blue Dream Blue Dream is one of the most popular medical cannabis strains in existence—not just here in Washington, but all over medical cannabis states in America. Of course, there’s a very good reason for this: whoever was the genius who crossed Blueberry and Haze knocked it out of the park, literally creating one of the very best daytime strains for patients. This example from Tacoma’s All Greene smells like Blue Dream should with that lovely sweet piney aroma the strain is known for. It also gave us long-lasting daytime pain relief without all the somnolence that can come with using indica dominants. Non-distracting in effect, it’s an epic stress reducer as well and is great for anxiety also. This one also has that telltale berry-fruit flavor on exhalation.

Legal Disclaimer

The publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical cannabis concentrates. The reviews listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only when medical cannabis is not a violation of state law. Please consume responsibly. Concentrates are legal and covered under Washington’s State Medical Use of Cannabis Act (Measure 692), SB 6032 and SB 5798, and are considered a form of medical cannabis (WRC 69.50.101). Without a medical professional’s recommendation, possession of concentrates can be a felony (WRC 69.50.204).



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After toiling in obscurity on the stand-up circuit for a while, Lisa Lampanelli got her big break as a complete unknown (and the only female on the stage) at a Comedy Central roast of Chevy Chase and went on to make a name for herself as an insult comic at many a roast since. But now—after weathering a bumpy ride on the Celebrity Apprentice—the self-described “Queen of Mean” is ready to leave her comfort zone and is developing a one-woman show for Broadway. On her way to NYC she’ll be bringing her act all across the country, but this time she promises a whole new experience. “I’m doing standup, but it’s a 100 percent new show from the last time I was there,” Lampanelli says. “Since then I did Celebrity Apprentice. I also did weight loss surgery and I lost 107 pounds. I got married. So a lot’s happened since the last time I was there so it’s a brand new hour and change of material. 34 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

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The first time I really saw you, was on Celebrity Apprentice where—I have to say—you did not appear to be having a good time. It’s harder than you’d ever think. I mean you work 20 hours a day, six days a week. You pretty much have to contend with people who are just fucking stupid and I have no patience for anything like that. It’s a really tough show. It’s really hard. I mean if you take it seriously and want to win actual money for your charity—which I did. And after putting up with all that crap, how much did you end up winning for your charity? $120,000. After I took my 15 percent cut those fags got cured of AIDS! Would you do it over again? Oh God, no. It’s too hard. I’d rather just cut a check for the $130 grand myself. Do you think it was a positive thing for your career at least, if not your sanity? Oh no, it was positive, because I just got more well-known and the whole thing in this business is to reach more and more people. So that when you do something like this Broadway show that I’m going to do next year that people go “Oh I’ve heard of her and I want to go see her!” So yeah, overall it was definitely worth it. Your upcoming Broadway show is called Skinny Bitch? That’s the working title. When does it start? We’re work-shopping it around the country now and it’s tentatively scheduled for October 2014. What are you trying to achieve with the show and where are you at right now with it? Well, about three years ago, I got really bored with stand-up and I was like, wow, I can either do something new or I could just retire. So I got this idea that I wanted to do a show about my work with myself on co-dependency and food and weight trouble and decided to develop this show with Alan Zweibel, who wrote Billy Crystal’s one-person show for Broadway, so that kind of took off and producers liked the idea. And it’s great. It’s hilarious but it’s also about very real points so it’s really worth doing. And you are working with director John Rando who has done a lot of stuff both off and on Broadway. Yeah he’s ridiculous. It’s hard for me to believe that I’m working with him. He gets it. All it requires is for somebody to get you. So how long is this show exactly? And it’s all you, right? 90 minutes. Nobody wants to see somebody standing up and just talking for more than 90 minutes. I’m sorry. I don’t care how famous you are, nobody cares. 90 minutes is the limit for anybody. How close are you to being finished? Well it’s never really finished until it hits Broadway and you do previews but it’s pretty much in the order its gonna be in. Let’s put it that way. It’s almost a ticket-ready show. And you are doing your first scripted show—for the very first time— on Broadway. You’re not starting small here. It’s going to start on Broadway first and then I’m going to tour it around the country after that. That’s pretty huge. I assume this is your first time performing on the Great White Way? Oh yeah. Definitely. I mean after that I would love to do other stuff. Like I want to do every corny old-lady part that exists. [She laughs.] But I’ll wait for that. This first. OCTOBER 2013 • CULTURE 35


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I gotta give you credit here for thinking big because this seems to me like a huge project to take on. You know what . . . [The new tour will be] exciting and different. It’s really bad to do something for 20-something years and then be bored and say “I don’t know what to do” so I’m really grateful that I even thought of it.

then do it. If you are doing it for the right reasons then go ahead.

Most creative people get bored, and that isn’t such a bad thing. It forces you to get off your ass and try something you probably wouldn’t have had the guts to try when you were humming along. Yeah. Enough is enough! You need a challenge.

Do you actively participate in social media? Oh sure, sure. To promote and put jokes out there but I don’t let what anybody says on Twitter bother me anymore because if you water yourself down to try and be liked by everybody nobody is going to like you.

How did you prepare for this show? I did a summer conservatory at Yale, for drama. It was great. Seriously I didn’t know it was going to be as much work as it was because it was about 14 hours of classes a day, five days a week. It was as much work as Celebrity Apprentice was but there was a bigger payoff because I actually learned something and didn’t have to work with anybody stupid. Did you see the James Franco Roast? I loved it! As someone who got famous for doing roasts you’re the perfect judge I think. What did you think was so good about it? I don’t know. Me and Jimmy [Cannizzaro, her husband] watched it and we were like “why do we like this so much better?” It all harkened back to the Dean Martin roast where everybody was friends. That was how a roast should feel. So I thought it was ridiculously fun to watch. You kind of had a breakout moment at a roast. Oh yeah, the roasts were definitely the thing that put me on the map. And those are great but I don’t know if I really want to do them anymore but it doesn’t really matter. You did the Trump roast and you really let the bastard have it. 38 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

Do you partake of the medicine yourself? I was never a big drug or alcohol person—it probably would have been a lot less fattening if I was— but unfortunately I always partook of the food and the men instead.

Yeah I did Trump before Celebrity Apprentice so whether you like him or you don’t like him I think he showed a lot of balls by putting me on the show after I made fun of him. What was the first roast you did when you were the totally unknown person on the lineup? Chevy Chase was the first one. And that’s the best part of it. When nobody knows who you are nobody makes fun of you. I wasn’t even on the internet. That was my one free pass. As an unknown talent how did you even get on the bill at the Chevy Chase roast? I was a member of the Friar’s Club and they really pushed it. The Friar’s Club was the producer of the roasts back then. And they pushed Comedy Central to have me do it. And if it wasn’t for the Friar’s Club, trust me, I wouldn’t have been on that roast because Comedy Central was like “who is this?” and the Friar’s Club said “you have to do us one favor.” So luckily it went really well

and I’ve been on most of them since then. So the Friar’s Club believed in you. Yes, and they still do because they ask me to do enough free shit for them now. I’m paying for it for the rest of my life. Let’s talk about your recent controversies. You get yourself in trouble sometimes, don’t you? I wouldn’t say I’m in trouble, because I’m self-employed. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Who do I answer to? What is your position on medical cannabis? Well, since it has nothing to do with me, I really don’t care that much, because I have only been addicted to food and men. But here’s my feeling: if it helps you with something medical, then go ahead and use the fucking thing. If you have any symptoms that can be helped by medical cannabis,

When you do your stand-up, how much of your show is scripted in advance and how much of it is just made up stuff up on the spot? Well most of it starts onstage. I’ll record the show and listen to it after and punch it up if I hear a bit I like—but I would say about 90 percent of it starts on stage. 90 percent? That’s a lot! Yup. I know, but it’s more fun for me. That sounds a little scary to a guy like me who has never tried stand-up comedy before. I guess, but I think if you’re confident and funny and they’re your fans they let you kind of develop stuff. It’s always going to end up funny. I mean, funny people hardly ever say anything and don’t know how to close it so I don’t really feel like it’s that much of a risk because those people are there to see you. So after all you’ve accomplished in the last few years, what does Lisa Lampanelli still want to do? Well this whole thing at Yale this summer inspired me to do some real acting so I talked to my director and after Broadway and the tour I’m doing to do some plays—some straight up drama— some Tennessee Williams or Arthur Miller—something like that. Do you ever see yourself directing something? You never know! I love bossing people around! c V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


cool stuff ColorVue Crazy Lens MaxVUE Vision has the best addition to your Halloween costume! ColourVUE Crazy Lens. Not just the traditional three tones lenses, but they even have those creepy oversized lenses, new StarBurst series, Gold & Silver series, Glow Lens series, Fusion Colors, Glamour designs and over 60 new Crazy Lens designs—enough to actually drive you crazy. These things will definitely help you win that costume contest. ($24 - $89)

The Bartender’s Toolbox by ThinkGeek We’ve finally found an awesome item that aficionados of fine adult beverages and those who love tools can rejoice over together. A hammer that’s also a bottle opener, a saw that’s also a citrus knife, a corkscrew that’s also a screwdriver, a cocktail strainer that’s also a spackle knife, garnish skewers that are also nails, and a jigger that’s . . . well, that’s all it is, but you have to have a jigger to complete the set! ($29.99)

Lapka Personal Environment Monitor For iPhone The Lapka Personal Environment Monitor is a handy tool that works with your iPhone to help you measure and monitor all of the invisible threats in your environment. The monitor system can test humidity, electromagnetic fields and radiation. Download the free companion app and take measurements in your house, at work or on the go. Store all of the information in your personal diary to track measurements over time. Compatible with iPhone 4, 4s and 5, iTouch 4 gen+, iPad. The set includes fours sensors, cable and bag. ($249.99)


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V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


By Aunt Sandy

Sandy Moriarty is the author of Aunt Sandy’s Medical Marijuana Cookbook: Comfort Food for Body & Mind and a Professor of Culinary Arts at Oaksterdam University. She is also the cofounder of Oaksterdam’s Bakery.



The Hearty


October is a time for warm sweaters, hearty meals and the wonderful colorful changing of leaves. Now that it’s here, it’s time to reap the flavorfilled benefits of the season. This month is a harvest month; a time to enjoy foods that are complimented by the changing season. Perfect time for a delicious, rich and hearty meal. Let the homestyle aroma of apple cider ensnare your senses while you indulge in succulent stuffed mushrooms, and pumpkin ravioli with sage cream sauce. Desserts and treats, warm drinks, delicious meals and good friends—now that’s a great October. 44 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

Legal Disclaimer

Publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical marijuana. The recipes listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only where medical marijuana is not a violation of state law. Edibles can vary in potency while a consumers’ weight, metabolism and eating habits may affect effectiveness and safety. Ingredient management is important when cooking with cannabis for proper dosage. Please consume responsibly and check with your doctor before consumption to make sure that it is safe to do so. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m



V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m

PUMPKIN RAVIOLI with SAGE CREAM SAUCE Serves 4 Pumpkin Filling 10 tablespoons Cannabutter* 1 lb. fresh pumpkin, peeled and cut in 1 inch cubes 1 cup heavy cream 1/2 a bay leaf 2 tablespoons minced

fresh sage, plus 6 small leaves for a garnish 2 teaspoons minced fresh thyme leaves 2 eggs, beaten Salt Freshly ground white pepper

Heat a sauté pan over low heat and add 4 tablespoons Cannabutter. When the butter is foamy, add the cubed pumpkin and cook stirring often to prevent it from sticking, until it softens and falls into puree. Turn the pumpkin into a saucepan, add 1/2 of the cream and half the herbs and cook over a low heat for an hour, until the puree is thick and the liquid has evaporated. Stir occasionally to prevent scorching. Remove from heat and beat in an additional 2 tablespoons Cannabutter. Whisk in the beaten eggs, season to taste with salt and white pepper and set aside to cool.

Spinach Pasta Dough

Sage Cream Sauce

1/2 teaspoon salt 3 eggs 2 tablespoons Cannabis Infused Olive Oil**

1 cup heavy cream 2 cups canned chicken stock 2 shallots chopped

Wash spinach in three changes of water. Cut off 1 inch of the stems. Chop the leaves and purée them in a towel and squeeze the juice into a 1/4 cup measuring cup. Add 2 tablespoons of the spinach purée to the juice. Discard the remaining purée. Combine flours and salt in the food processor or mixer using a dough hook. While running add the eggs, olive oil and enough of the spinach mixture so the dough forms a ball pressed together. Wrap the dough in plastic and let it rest at room temperature for two hours. On a floured surface roll out the pasta as thin as possible. Cut into two sheets and brush one of them with egg wash. Using a teaspoon place 24 equal mounds of the pumpkin puree on the egg washed dough, about two inches apart. Cover the mounds with the second sheet of pasta and press around the mounds of pumpkin to seal the dough. Using a ravioli cutter or a sharp knife cut the ravioli. Dust a tray with semolina and place the ravioli on it. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add raviolis to the rapidly boiling water and cook for 5 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain. Add the raviolis to the sauce and enjoy.

Wipe mushrooms clean with a damp cloth, remove the stems and set them aside. Chop the mushroom stems and put into a bowl with the garlic, onion, bacon, parsley, thyme and breadcrumbs, salt and pepper. Divide the mixture into quarters and pack into mushroom caps. Grease an ovenproof dish with 1 1 1/2 tablespoon tablespoon Infused Olive finely chopped thyme Oil. Place stuffed mush1/4 cup Cannabis rooms in the dish and Infused Olive Oil sprinkle with the cheese. Salt and pepper Dribble the remaining to taste infused olive oil over the Preheat oven mushrooms. Bake for 30 to 350° minutes and serve hot.

STUFFED MUSHROOMS 4 large field mushrooms 3 cloves garlic, crushed 1 red onion, finely chopped. 2 slices of bacon, chopped 2 tablespoons finely chopped parsley

In a saucepan reduce the stock with the shallots to 1/2 cup. Add the one cup of cream and reduce by half. Over a low heat, whisk remaining four tablespoons of Cannabutter, a little at a time, over low heat. Strain the sauce into a clean saucepan and add remaining sage and thyme. Salt and pepper to taste. Divide the raviolis among preheated soup dishes and spoon sauce over them. Garnish each serving with a fresh piece of sage and lightly sprinkle with parmesan and serve immediately.

MULLED APPLE CIDER Serves 4 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon whole allspice 1 teaspoon whole clove 1/4 teaspoon salt A dash of ground nutmeg 3 inch stick of cinnamon 2 quarts apple cider 1 cup Cannabis Infused Simple Syrup One orange, cut in wedges

Combine sugar, allspice, cloves, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon and apple cider in a large sauce pan. Slowly bring to boil, cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Remove spices from pot after 20 minutes. Serve in warm mugs with a clove studded orange wedge in each. OCTOBER 2013 • CULTURE 47

For our complete recipes go to

1/2 lb. fresh spinach (1 bunch) 1 1/2 cups semolina flour, finest ground 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

Shooting Gallery Seattle Cannabis Cup




(Photos by Daniel Azer)

(Photos by Duncan Rolfson)

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entertainment reviews Willie Nelson To All The Girls . . . Sony Music Entertainment With Willie Nelson’s constant visibility in contemporary pop culture, often for his cannabis activism, it can be easy to forget that the man’s career is now rapidly approaching its 60th year. Nelson is an institution of country music, an American National Treasure, and it’s hard to stress just how important his influence on music as a whole has been in the last half-century. And here he is at the age of 80, delivering yet another stellar set of recordings in the form of his new album, To All The Girls . . . Similar to his last record Heroes, which featured Nelson singing with guests ranging from his son Lukas to Snoop Dogg, this outing sees Nelson joined by some of his favorite female vocalists, who’s pedigrees span a wide range of genres, for a set of eighteen gorgeous duets. The guests range from more recent stars like Sheryl Crow, Carrie Underwood and Norah Jones, to fellow country music legends like Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn and Emmylou Harris and Mavis Staples. Nelson’s voice still has the strength of an old oak tree, yet still has the smooth qualities and the sharpness of a blade of grass. To All The Girls . . . is worthy addition to one of the most flawless legacies in all of music, and Nelson proves yet again, that even in his old age, he’s still an incredible artist. (Simon Weedn)

The Marijuana Chef Cookbook By S.T. Oner Green Candy Press One of the hardest things about cooking cannabis many years ago was the lack of easily accessible instructions on how to do it properly. Even after the internet came around, one could find recipes, but a lot of them were confusing, didn’t deliver on what they promised, or didn’t convey how potent the edibles would be after cooking. Luckily for all of us, the same people that brought us gems like Cannabis Indica/Sativa Guides To The World’s Finest Marijuana Strains has set about keeping his guide to proper culinary cannabis preparation, The Marijuana Chef Cookbook, up to date with a brand new third edition. This edition surpasses previous versions of the book by finally including full color photos of every dish prepared as well as containing fifteen new recipes. In addition, the book still contains all of the things that made it wonderful in the first place including: multiple methods of THC extraction, vegan and vegetarian alternates for several recipes, natural options to detoxify for a drug test, notes on the history of cannabis use in food, and information on the potency of recipes. The Marijuana Chef Cookbook is new, improved, and better than ever. Whether you’re looking for cannabis infused main courses like “Midnight Pizza” or ideas on how to incorporate marijuana into your favorite mixed drinks, this cookbook has it all. (Simon Weedn)

This Is the End Sony Pictures Dir. Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg Just when you thought that Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (Superbad, Pineapple Express) couldn’t possibly come out with another “stoner comedy” gem, the two return with This Is The End. The two are joined by an all-star ensemble of regular collaborators Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, and Craig Robinson as well as even bigger gaggle of fellow celebrity guests to bring on an almost non-stop barrage of laughs. As one might assume from the title, the film revolves around the group facing down apocalypse while in the midst of a party at James Franco’s house. All of the main characters and guests portray fictional re-interpretations of themselves that really go wild as they encounter all of the problems of a horrible apocalypse in the world. As to be expected with such a talented group of comedic actors, the writing, timing and delivery of every joke, no matter how over the top, is absolutely masterful and will have you, at times, literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Fans of Rogen’s, Franco’s and Goldberg’s previous film together, Pineapple Express, will also enjoy hearing the actual idea for the plotline of Pineapple Express II pitched, and sloppily executed in the midst of the movie as well. (Simon Weedn) 50 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

Adam Carolla No matter if you love him or hate him, Adam Carolla has a voice and face that’s hard to avoid because he’s done it all: radio personality, TV host, comedian, actor, author and most recently, wine creator (a la “Mangria”). He started his career in radio with Dr. Drew Pinsky and Loveline, but Carolla wasn’t content with just talking about the sexual problems of others; he needed to make people laugh. In The Man Show Carolla crafted laughs and hilarious skits involving beer, boobs and more beer, while Crank Yankers brought out the nostalgic delight of prank calls that never seems to lose it’s appeal. He’s even written two books that cracked the New York Times bestseller list, which was probably made possible by his insightful social commentary that gets straight to the point. If you want to be a part of another one of his claims to fame that’s been going strong since 2009, now’s your chance. This show will be a live taping for his podcast, so anything can happen!


What: Adam Carolla live. When/Where: Sat, Oct. 12. 6pm. The Neptune Theatre, 911 Pine St., Seattle. Info: Tickets $36-$50. For more information visit

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let’s do this Our picks for the coolest things to do around town Brew at the Zoo, Oct. 3

This Woodland Park fundraiser will feature 30 breweries, food, music and animal encounters. How often can you say you got drunk with a giraffe? Woodland Park, Seattle

Bier on the Pier, Oct. 4-5

Featuring beers, food, live entertainment and numerous breweries for tasting, this event held on the sea shore is one worth going to. Other activities are available at this location which includes some amazing whale watching and unique fine dinning options. And beer, of course. Port of Anacortes

Payallup Oktoberfest, Oct. 4-6

Not only is this the fair of the year but Oktoberfest Northwest offers more beers, brats and music than even the Germans will. Because those in Deutschland at least know how to pace. Puyallup Fair and Events Center, Payallup

Cannibal! The Musical, Oct. 4-Nov. 2

Written by co-creator of South Park, Trey Parker, this parody presumably based off the tragic story of the Donner Party, incorporates slapstick comedy with Broadway flair. Market Theatre, Seattle

Empire of the Sun, Oct. 10

After a nearly three year hiatus, Empire of the Sun has come back better than ever. Hailing from Australia, this electric duo will have you dancing all night with their latest hit “Alive” and other tunes from their newest album Sand on the Dune. Paramount Theatre, Seattle

Seattle Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, Oct. 1020

Since 1996 the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Film Festival has been held in order to showcase the latest in queer film. With over 10,000 attendees this event offers unique opportunities for visiting and local filmmakers. Seattle, Washington


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Jack Johnson, Oct. 15

Wooing the world with his joyful music, Jack Johnson is continuing his 2013 Charity Tour. He’s such a charitable guy; additional tickets are available through charity auction. Paramount Theatre, Seattle

Tim Allen, Oct. 19

Known mostly for his role as Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor in the hit show Home Improvement, Tim Allen continues to offer up his comedic genius years after the show has ended. He’ll probably still use that weird ’90s “Tool Man” grunt, too. Emerald Queen Casino, Tacoma

Geek Girl Con, Oct. 19-20

Connecting Geeky women from around the world, Geek Girl con celebrates and honors the contributions made by women in areas such as science, comics, art, literature and more. Washinton State Convention Center, Seattle

Cocorosie, Oct. 25

Experimental, joyful, dark and creepy all at the same time—Cocorosie, the sister duo originating in Paris, France, continues to expand their innovative sound know as “freak-folk.” Soft and melodic Cocorosie will sooth your soul and open your mind to


musical innovation. Neumos, Seattle

Run Scared, Oct. 27 It’s a 5k, 4k, and costume contest for people and pets. Children activities are also available at this event. Seward Park, Seattle

Patti Warashina:Wit and Wisdom, Thru Oct. 27

Patti Warashina:Wit and Wisdom is an exhibition showcasing some of Warashina’s body of work which consist of nearly 120 ceramic sculptures. Dealing with world issues and intellectual wonder, Warashina’s pieces are divinely crafted and conceptually captivating. Bellevue Arts Museum, Bellevue

J.Cole and Wale, Oct. 30

J.Cole comes to Seattle on his What Dreams May Come tour. With uplifting beats and soulful rhymes, J.Cole is one of the hottest rappers in the industry. Paramount Theatre, Seattle

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Chuck Shepherd's

Newsof the

Weird LEAD STORY—FIRST AMENDMENT BLUES ; In the public libraries of Seattle (as in most public libraries), patrons are not allowed to eat or sleep (or even appear to be sleeping) or be shirtless or barefoot or have bad body odor or talk too loudly—because other patrons might be disturbed. However, in Seattle, as the Post-Intelligencer reported in September, librarians do permit patrons to watch hardcore pornography on public computers, without apparent


restriction, no matter who (adult or child) is walking by or sitting inches away at the next screen (although librarians politely ask porn-watchers to consider their neighbors). Said a library spokesperson: “(P)atrons have a right to view constitutionally protected material no matter where they are in the building, and the library does not censor.”

CULTURAL DIVERSITY ; Japan and Korea seem to be the birthplaces in the quest for youthful and beautiful

skin, with the latest “elixir” (as usual, based on traditional, centuries-old beliefs) being snail mucus—applied by specially bred live snails that slither across customers’ faces. The Clinical Salon in central Tokyo sells the 60-minute Celebrity Escargot Course session for the equivalent of about $250 and even convinced a London Daily Telegraph reporter to try one in July. (Previously, News of the Weird has informed readers of Asian nightingale-feces facials and live-fish pedicures.) ; Unclear on the Concept: Among people earnestly devoted to palmistry (the foretelling of the future by “expert” examination of the inner surface of the hand), a few in Japan have resorted to what seems like cheating: altering their palm lines with cosmetic surgery. According to a July Daily Beast dispatch from Tokyo, Dr. Takaaki Matsuoka is a leading practitioner, preferring an electric scalpel over laser surgery in that the latter more often eventually heals over, obviously defeating

the purpose. He must be careful to add or move only the lines requested by the patient (e.g., “marriage” line, “romance” line, “money-luck” line, “financial” success line).

LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGES ; Iran’s INSA news service reported in January that officials in Shiraz had acquired a fingeramputation machine to perhaps streamline the gruesome punishment often meted out to convicted thieves. (A masked enforcer turns a guillotine-like wheel to slice off the finger in the manner of a rotary saw.) Iran is already known for its reliance on extreme Islamic Sharia, which prescribes amputations, public lashings and death by stoning, and Middle East commentators believe the government will now step up its amputating of fingers, even for the crime of adultery. ; Smiting Skeptics: Measles, despite being highly contagious, was virtually eradicated in America until a small number of skeptics, using now-discredited

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“research,” tied childhood vaccinations with the rise of autism, and now the disease is returning. About half the members of the Eagle Mountain International Church near Dallas have declined to vaccinate their children, and as of late August, at least 20 church members have experienced the disease. The head pastor denied that he preaches against the immunizations (although he did tell NPR, cryptically, “(T)he (medical) facts are facts, but then we know the truth. That always overcomes facts.”). ; Outraged Jewish leaders complain periodically about Mormons who, in the name of their church, posthumously baptize deceased Jews (even Holocaust victims)—beneficently, of course, to help them qualify for heaven. Church officials promised to stop, but in 2012 reports still surfaced that not all Mormons got the memo. Thus inspired, a “religious” order called the Satanic Temple conducted a July “pink mass” over the Meridian,


Miss., grave of the mother of the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church, Rev. Fred Phelps Jr.—posthumously “turning” her gay. (Westboro infamously stages small, hate-saturated demonstrations denouncing homosexuals and American tolerance.) Ten days later, Meridian prosecutors charged a Satanic Temple official with misdemeanor desecration of a grave.

QUESTIONABLE JUDGMENTS ; Australia’s chief diplomat in Taipei, Taiwan, said in August that he was suing local veterinarian Yang Dong-sheng for fraud because Dr. Yang backed out of euthanizing the diplomat Kevin Magee’s sick, 10-year-old dog. Instead, Dr. Yang “rescued” the dog, who is now thriving after he patiently treated her. Magee’s lawsuit claims, in essence, that his family vet recommended euthanization, that he had paid for euthanization, and that “Benji” should have been put down. Dr. Yang said the fee Magee paid was for “medical care” and not necessarily euthanization. (Benji,

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V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m

frolicking outside when a reporter visited, was not available for comment.) ; In August, a prosecutor in Houston filed aggravated rape charges against a 10-year-old girl (“Ashley”) who had been arrested in June and held for four days in a juvenile detention center. A neighbor had seen Ashley touching a 4-year-old boy “in his private area,” according to a KRIV-TV report—in other words, apparently playing the timehonored, rite-of-passage game of “doctor.”

SQUIRRELS GONE WILD ; Smithsonian magazine detailed in August the exhaustive measures that military officials have taken to finally block relentless Richardson’s ground squirrels from tunneling underneath Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana and interfering with the Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missiles on 24/7 standby. For example, officials had to use trial-and-error to plant underground screens

deeper into the ground than the squirrels cared to dig. A day after that report was published, a bus driver in Gothenburg, Sweden, crashed into a tree (with six passengers requiring hospital treatment) after swerving to avoid a squirrel in the road. On the same day, a New York Times reporter disclosed that his own news monitoring for 2013 revealed that squirrels have caused 50 power outages in 24 states in the U.S. since Memorial Day after invading electric company substations.

PROGRESSIVE GOVERNMENTS ; In July, the Czech Republic approved Lukas Novy’s official government ID photo even though he was wearing a kitchen colander on his head. Novy had successfully explained that his religion required it since he is a “Pastafarian”—a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (a prank religion pointing out that all deities’ power and wisdom comes from followers’ faith rather than from tangible proof of their existence).



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; In August, a judge in Voronezh, Russia, accepted for trial Dmitry Argarkov’s lawsuit against Tinkoff Credit Systems for violating a creditcard contract. Tinkoff had mailed Argarkov its standard fine-print contract, but Argarkov computerscanned it, changed pro-Tinkoff provisions into pro-Argarkov terms, and signed and returned it, and Tinkoff accepted it without rereading. At least at this stage of the lawsuit, the judge appeared to say that Argarkov had bested Tinkoff at its own game of oppressive, fineprint mumbo-jumbo.

THE PERVO-AMERICAN COMMUNITY ; He Had a Different Dream: Barely two months before the 50-year commemoration of the March on Washington, Park Police arrested Christopher H. Cleveland and charged him with shooting “upskirt” photos of unsuspecting women lounging on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. According to the officers, Cleveland (who said he was unaware that the photos were illegal) had a computer in his car that contained

at least 150 PowerPoint slide presentations of at least 30 images each of his multitude of female photo victims.

A NEWS OF THE WEIRD CLASSIC (JULY 2010) ; While the morbidly obese struggle with their health (and society’s scorn), those who eroticize massive weight gain are capturing increased attention, according to a July (2010) ABC News report. Commercial and personal websites give fullbellied “gainers,” such as New Jerseyan Donna Simpson, and their admiring “feeders” the opportunity to express themselves. Simpson became a 602-pound media sensation in March (2010), when she began offering pay-per-view video of herself to an audience of horny feeders. Wrote another gainer-blogger, “Lately, I’ve been infatuated with the physics of my belly . . . how it moves with me.” When he leans to one side, he wrote, “I feel a roll form around my love handle.” One sex researcher called it a “metaphor of arousal.”



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In the end, though, as a medical school professor put it, “The fetish may be in our heads, but the plaque is going to be in (their) arteries.”

HAPPINESS IS A CLEAN TOILET ; Beginning in 2011, about three dozen people in Tokyo have been meeting every Sunday morning at 6 a.m. on a mission to scrub down, one by one, the city’s grungiest public rest rooms. “By 7:30,” according to an Associated Press reporter who witnessed an outing in August, the team had left behind a “gleaming public toilet, looking as good as the day it was installed.” Explained the hygiene- intense Satoshi Oda (during the week, a computer programmer), the mission is “for our own good”—work that leader Masayuki Magome compares to the training that Buddhist monks receive to find peace. (In fact, to fulfill the group’s motto, “Clean thyself by cleaning cubicles,” the scouring must be done with bare hands.) A squad supporter spoke of a sad, growing apprehension

that the younger generation no longer shares the Japanese cultural conviction that rest rooms should always be clean and safe.

MEDICAL MARVELS ; Colleagues were stunned in May when ABC News editor Don Ennis suddenly appeared at work wearing a little black dress and a red wig and declaring that he had begun hormone therapy and wanted to be called Dawn Ennis. As co-workers accommodated his wishes (which did not seem so unusual in contemporary professional society), Ennis began to have second thoughts, and by July had blamed his conversion on “transient global amnesia,” brought on by marital difficulties, and had returned to work as Don. Apparently the primary lingering effect is that he must still deal with Dawn’s hormone-induced breasts.

THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT ; Researchers at the University of Tokyo have developed a mirror that makes a person



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appear happy even when not. A built-in camera tracks facial features in real time, then tweaks the image to turn up the corners of the mouth and to create the beginnings of a smile in the eyes. Of what practical use would such a mirror be? Other Japanese researchers, according to a report in August, believe that happy-face mirrors in retail stores would improve shoppers’ dispositions and lead to more sales.

PERSPECTIVE ; The Costa Rican government announced recently that it would close all its zoos, effective March 2014, and free animals either to the wild or to safe “retirement” shelters. Since the country is known for its expansive biodiversity (500,000 unique organisms, despite occupying barely more than 1/100th of 1 percent of Earth’s area), it is time, the environment minister said, to allow the organisms to interact instead of imprisoning them. Costa Rica is also one of only

four countries to ban the exploitation of dolphins.

LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATORS ; In July, following sustained criticism, Thomson Reuters business information company suspended an advance-release service for the crucial monthly “consumer confidence index” that has been known to signal stock markets to abruptly “buy” (driving up prices) or “sell” (sending them lower). The University of Michigan prepares and distributes the index promptly at 10 a.m. Eastern time on its release date, but Thomson Reuters offers two advance peeks. It pays the school about $1 million a year to see the index at 9:55 a.m., to share with its best customers. The suspended program gave an even earlier tip-off—at 9:54:58—and highfrequency trading firms paid $6,000 more a month for those two seconds, which allowed their computer robots to execute hundreds of thousands of trades before other professional traders had access to the index.



CULTURE pumpkin created by Tim Pate. Pumpkin provided by The Pumpkin Patch on Sauvie Island, Portland, Oregon.

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V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


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