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The Wrath of Pod

Adam Carolla rants about politics, his record-setting podcast and a certain plant On the cover: Photo by David Marcus

departments 6 Letter from the Editor Just say no—to your medicine cabinet. 8 News Nuggets Cannabis makes headlines here, there, everywhere—and we give you the scoop—PLUS our latest By the Numbers 26 Destination Unknown Let it snow, let it snow . . . in Encarnación, Paraguay! 28 Profiles in Courage Our latest feature provides insight into the life—and struggle—of a medical marijuana patient near you.

features 12 A Helping Hand Audrey Hatfield founded C4CPR to help the neediest of patients. 14 Divide & Conquer New research suggests cannabis may work to treat bipolar disorder. 16 Hit Man Mike Tyson is definitely not a onehit wonder. 20 Sister Act Haim’s folk-pop ways catches the fancy of fans and critics alike. 22 Divine Music Zola Jesus is Sacred Bone’s latest success story

34 Strain & Edible Reviews Our ever-popular sampling of amazing strains and edibles currently provided by your friendly neighborhood dispensary. 44 Cool Stuff From the Rocky Mountain Remedies RemPen to the WakaWaka Solar Lamp, if it’s a cutting-edge product or cool lifestyle gear, we’re all over it. 46 Recipes Let’s honor the spirit of MLK by enjoying culinary contributions from the South. 50 Entertainment Reviews The latest films, books, music and more that define our culture. 54 Let’s Do This Our wrap-up of some of Colorado’s coolest events. 60 News of the Weird Yeah, these news tidbits are weird as hell—and absolutely true.


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letter from the editor

Vol 4 IssUE 7


Jeremy Zachary


Roberto C. Hernandez Editor-In-Chief


Roberto C. Hernandez

Managing Editor Jake Browne

Calendar Editor Lynn Lieu

Editorial Contributors

Dennis Argenzia, Omar Aziz, Sarah Bennett, Jacob Browne, David Burton, Michael Carlos, Grace Cayosa, Jasen T. Davis, Stacy Davies, Rev. Dr. Kymron de Cesare, Alex Distefano, David Downs, James P. Gray, Lillian Isley, David Jenison, Liquid Todd, Kevin Longrie, Meital Manzuri, Jane Mast, Sandra Moriarty, Assia Mortensen, Damian Nassiri, Keller O’Malley, Tommy Purvis, Paul Rogers, Jeff Schwartz, Lanny Swerdlow, Arrissia Owen


Steve Baker, Gregory Cannon, Kristopher Christensen, Michael Gifford, John Gilhooley, Khai Le, Ryan Mazrim, Michael Seto, Kim Sidwell

Truth or Consequences As you might guess, I spend quite a bit of time reading and looking for information about medical cannabis. Many times, I come across things that catch my eyes (President Obama’s “We’ve got bigger fish to fry” comments); things that really make me think (I recently interviewed a family that says a concentrated, non-psychoactive form of the plant saved their father from brain cancer) . . . and sometimes I read about things that really make my blood boil. It was an article with the dramatic headline of “Legal drugs, deadly outcomes.” It’s a startling, frame-by-frame account of doctors who knowingly prescribed legal (I can’t stress that enough) pharmaceutical drugs to addicts and junkies who were addicted to painkillers. In many cases, the doctors were clearly aware that their patients were addicts and/or were lying about injuries and pains so that they could get their prescriptions filled. The result? People died. Many, many people died. And we’re not talking about Tylenol with codeine here, folks. We’re talking about an epidemic of OxyContin, Vicodin and Xanax. Out of a total of 3,733 overdose deaths between 2006 and 2011, nearly half (47 percent, or 1,762) were from drugs for which the victim had a legal prescription. At one point, prescriptions from 71 doctors caused or contributed to nearly 300 deaths.

And yet the Drug Warriors and those that fight medical cannabis “tooth and nail” would lead us to believe that a green plant is the true scourge of society. Our patients suffer from real-deal illnesses, diseases and ailments. I’ve interviewed people suffering from Stage 4 cancer. I’ve made friends with people whose lives are crippled by pain and severe injuries. I know people with Crohn’s disease who say a plant that grows out of the ground provides them with precious relief. Do our patients OD? Let’s check the body count . . . nope. And yet those who oppose MMJ would like us to think that cannabis is the source of addiction, health problems . . . and death. Maybe those people need to pop a “reality” pill because the truth is, the real drug danger—like it or not—lies inside the medical cabinet. Prescription painkiller abuse led to a 129 percent increase in emergency room visits between 2004 and 2009, and a more than 500 percent increase in the number of people seeking treatment for addictions to opioids. And yet we have people who still think the biggest enemy to Western civilization is a plant that has been cultivated by the Chinese since Neolithic times. Make no mistake—medical cannabis is real. Our patients our real. Our industry is truly compassionate. And we have the facts and studies to back us up. And if you, President Obama, really have “bigger fish to fry,” then I’ve got just the “reality” pill for you. Don’t worry—it’s legal where I live. c


Yensil Chung, Gabriel Cortés, Joe Martone, Derek Obregon, Jaime Solis

Art Director

Steven Myrdahl

Graphic Designers

Vidal Diaz, Tommy LaFleur

Director of Sales & Marketing Jim Saunders

Regional Manager Kim Slocum

Office Manager Iris Norsworthy

Office Assistant Chelsea Hults

Online Marketing Jackie Moe

Account Executives

Jon Bookatz, Gene Gorelik, John Parker, Dave Ruiz, April Tygart, Nick Villejo

IT Manager

Serg Muratov

Distribution Manager Cruz Bobadilla

Culture® Magazine is published every month and distributes 40,000 papers at over 1,000 locations throughout Colorado. No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other matter within may be reproduced without written permission. Culture® Magazine is a registered trademark of Southland Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. 300 Center Drive #220 Superior | Colorado | 80027 Phone 888.694.2046 | Fax 303.305.4373

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Grower sues Larimer County Sheriff’s Office over destroyed plants

You can fight city hall . . . and you can sue your local police department, too. That’s the lesson from a 34-year-old statecompliant grower who sued the Larimer County Sheriff’s Office for destroying 42 of his plants after a September 2010 arrest, The Coloradoan reports. Kaleb Young was acquitted of multiple cannabis felonies; cultivation, possession with intent to manufacture or distribute less than five pounds and possession of more than 12 ounces. “Throughout December 2011, Mr. Young repeatedly attempted Travel guru Arthur Frommer to enforce, through counsel, the to Denver: expect “a torrent District Court order that required of new tourism” the Larimer County Sheriff’s Office Famed travel guru Arthur to return property previously Frommer blogged about seized from his residence, which places will be the “hot” including 42 medical marijuana destinations for 2013—among plants,” according to the lawsuit them, Denver, thanks to filed in 8th Judicial District Court. amendment 64. Young’s attorney said he is “Though local tourist officials asking for $210,000 ($5,000 per are openly critical of the recent plant), plus attorney fees. statewide votes in Washington and Colorado that legalized Dispensary ban in Weld the recreational use of small County could face a repeal amounts of marijuana, I suggest A ban on dispensaries that was set they are actually overjoyed,” to kick in Dec. 31 in the small Weld Frommer wrote about on County town of Dacono is facing “Arthur’s Blog” recently. “Already, its own ban of sorts, according to hotels in Seattle and Denver are Westword. Local voters could be reporting numerous requests for asked to strike down the ban as reservations by pot supporters early as February. planning visits to Washington and Colorado . . . In any event, expect a torrent of new tourism to Seattle and Denver.” Visit Denver’s response to A64: “In the short term, the important thing for visitors to know is that as of today, the sale or possession of marijuana is still illegal in the City & County of Denver and the State of Colorado and is also subject to enforcement under Federal law as a Schedule I controlled substance.”



Last year, the Dacono City Council banned cannabis centers, grows and edible manufacturing facilities. The ban currently affects the three dispensaries currently located in the eight-square-mile town north of Denver. We just want to provide safe access to our medicine,” Brad Henson, manager of Dacono Meds and part of the coalition working to repeal the ban, told Westword.

THE NATION Senate to discuss state cannabis legalization

Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont) plans to hold a hearing this year to discuss federal policy in the light of Colorado and Washington’s cannabis legalization. In a letter to Office of National Drug Control Policy Director Gil Kerlikowske, the senator asks for clarification on the issue stating, “How does the Office of National Drug Control Policy intend to prioritize Federal resources, and what recommendations are you making to the Department of Justice and other agencies in light of the choice by citizens of Colorado and Washington to

legalize personal use of small amounts of marijuana?” He goes on to ask, “What assurance can and will the administration give to state officials involved in the licensing of marijuana retailers that they will not face Federal criminal penalties for carrying out duties assigned to them under state law?” Leahy finishes his letter urging to “resolve the differences between federal and state law” and to “end the uncertainty.” He recommends the amendment of the Federal Controlled Substances Act to allow possession of up to one once of cannabis where it is legal under state law.

Illinois representative pushes for MMJ legalization In the wake of the November election, a member of the Illinois state House of Representatives is pushing a bill to legalize the cannabis for medicinal purposes. U.S. Rep. Lou Lang (D-Skokie) has

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drafted similar legislation previously, but to no avail. He is confident, however, that he has now secured the votes to approve the legislation when it comes to a vote this month. “Nobody should fear the bill,” Lang told Patch. “This is about quality of life for people.” If passed, Bill 0030 would make Illinois the 19th state to legalize MMJ, including the most recent additions to that list: Massachusetts and the District of Columbia.

Arizona attorney ready to fight

Maricopa County Lawyer Bill Montgomery is planning to petition the state Court of Appeals, so that the state’s medicinal cannabis law will be rendered temporarily unconstitutional. According to Arizona Central, his intentions became clear after a Superior Court judge denied Montgomery’s request to stay or suspend the ruling, allowing dispensaries to operate in the state so long as they provide zoning documentation. Arizona has already opened two dispensaries in Sun City and Tucson, with a third licensed for Cochise.

THE WORLD Britain’s Parliament calls for cannabis legalization

After a year-long study, the senior members of Parliament called for the legalization of cannabis. It also suggests looking at decriminalization of drugs such as heroin. The ministers’ recommendation came in a report from Parliament’s Home Affairs Committee. According to the MPs, the UK’s current approach isn’t working. The committee suggests government fund detailed research efforts into “the overall costs and benefits of cannabis legalization,” according to The Sun. The committee also urges Prime Minister David Cameron to set a Royal Commission to review all options before the next election. The year-long study included witness accounts including comic and former heroin addict Russell Brand.

by the numbers


The percentage of people who think states should determine whether or not to legalize cannabis: 59 (Source:

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The distance (in feet) that dispensaries must be located away from parks and churches, according to Fort Collins’ Measure 301: 500 (Source: Westword).


The number of dispensaries that Measure 301 allows for every 5,000 patients in Larimer County: 1 (Source: Westword).


The estimated maximum total number of dispensaries that Measure 301 could allow in Fort Collins: 10 (Source: Westword).

The percentage of people who think the federal government should determine whether or not to legalize cannabis: 34 (Source:


The number of “likes” an Instagram photo of Rihanna holding a large cannabis cigarette generated: 205,000 (Source: The Hamilton Spectator)


Percentage of people who supported medical marijuana: 83 (Source: CBS News poll)


The percentage of Democrats who supported legalization: 51 (Source: CBS News poll).


The percentage of Republicans who supported legalization: 27 (Source: CBS News poll).


The number of comments an Instagram photo of Rihanna holding a large cannabis cigarette generated: 7,000 (Source: The Hamilton Spectator)


The number of MMJ patients estimated to live in Larimer County: 5,000+ (Source: Colorado Department of Public Health and the Environment).


The percentage of voters in Douglas County that rejected Amendment 64: 54 (Source: The Denver Post). 10 CULTURE • JANUARY 2013

The Walkman in concert With 2012’s Heaven, The Walkman members believe they have hit a milestone in their careers. When the album dropped, it had been a decade since the band released its debut Everyone Who Pretended to Like Me Is Gone, a confident rock album that surged the band into stardom. In anticipation of Everyone, The Walkman made waves on the publicity charts appearing on MTV and had critics buzzing. Some compared the band to U2 and The Cure, some while skeptical at first were quickly won over and some simply enjoyed the album for its progression and Hamilton Leithauser’s showmanlike vocals. When Heaven hit racks, The Walkman members—Leithauser, Paul Maroon, Walter Martin, Peter Bauer and Matt Barrick—expressed how far they’ve come as a band. Maroon has been quoted as saying, “when you’re starting out, you’re sitting there trying to come up with a big idea, but after a while, you learn about the process of writing. You learn about your friends in the band and how they work best.” Heaven was released early last year with the album’s title track first appearing on Pitchfork’s website in April. That same day, Pitchfork named the song “Best New Track.” And from a band that began on such a high note, did you really expect anything less?



The number of states that have adopted laws that deny students federal financial aid for one year if they are convicted of cannabis possession: 28 (Source:

What: The Walkman in concert. When/Where: Jan. 21 at Ogden Theatre, 935 E. Colfax Ave., Denver. Info: Go to or call (303) 832-1874.

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Truly Compassionate Photo by Ryan Mazrim

Activist Audrey Hatfield marches on to help the neediest patients {By Jake Browne}

Today’s activists may spend most of their day online, writing emails and forwarding petitions to legions of followers, ramping up support without ever leaving their homes. While these modern conveniences certainly help keep many informed, one Colorado Springs woman is combining the power of the Internet with good, old-fashioned bootson-the-ground protest. When Audrey Hatfield founded Coloradans 4 Cannabis Patient Rights (C4CPR) in 2009, her main resource to reach out to others was an unconventional one: Facebook. “[It’s] the best free networking tool available. Right now we have around 620 people in the group,” notes Hatfield. “We’re not going for quantity, though. We’re going for people who are truly interested in activism and the patient standpoint.” Becoming a patient in 2009, Hatfield started attending events around the Colorado Springs area with the intent of connecting with other patients. It wasn’t long, though, before she noticed a need that wasn’t being met. “I realized there wasn’t any program for patients that needed help, especially ones that are on low and fixed incomes.


I started the organization with my own money . . . even though I didn’t have any,” Hatfield says with a laugh. Between her own medical issues and working to support herself and C4CPR, she started reaching out to dispensaries to see if they’d be willing to lower the cost of medicine for patients in the program, asking them to commit to at least two qualified patients. She also sought out physicians offices that could work with potential red card holders, offering a sliding scale for their fees. The work was arduous. “I process all applications myself for privacy, and I average about 50 requests a month for physicians’ services, dispensaries, or both,” she explains. “Without

my board members, doctors’ offices and dispensaries, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.” Since applying for nonprofit status in November 2010, Hatfield has only added more to her plate. Defending patients’ rights means more to her than simply helping get them get access to discounted meds, and she proves it with regular protests against Colorado Springs District Attorney Dan May, as well as others. “The first person we protested for was Jay Sanner in 2010, and since then we’ve protested Elisa Kappelmann Ali Hillary, Bob Crouse, and we’ll be protesting for Ernesto Encina, [who has] a trial coming up in February.” The Encina trial is one that Hatfield finds a particularly egregious overreach of May’s power.


Treatment CULTURE interviewed Bob Crouse in 2011 for our “Profiles in Courage” feature. At the time, the patient suffering from chronic lymphocytic leukemia summed up his experiences in this way: “I usually introduce myself as a patient who is being prosecuted for trying to survive a lifethreatening disease with an alternative, less accepted means of medical treatment.”

“He had less than one-third of a joint in his ashtray. He doesn’t smoke and hasn’t smoked in over a year,” claims Hatfield. “You’re really going to spend over $200,000 to prosecute someone who is a patient over this?” Many of those who have faced prosecution also face hefty legal fees, even when acquitted, so C4CPR has also stepped up to raise funds for defendants such as Bob Crouse, a 63-year-old chronic lymphocytic leukemia sufferer, as well as helping families cover portions of burial expenses for patients who passed due to their condition. Now, Hatfield eyes the next legislative session and the likely reintroduction of DUID—driving under the influence of drugs—bills that have been shot down numerous times at the state level. She sees these limits as particularly dangerous for patients. “I think to have a limit set where people are actually impaired, I would really [like to] see patients exempt from any nanogram bills,” she says. With over 60 volunteers and 30-plus dispensaries in her network, the state should look out for Audrey Hatfield and C4CPR. c

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Emotional Response Medical Study Indicates Cannabis May Treat Bipolar Disorder {By Jasen T. Davis}

Bipolar disorder (also known as manic-depressive) is a psychological condition that affects 4 percent of the population in America at one point in their lives. A person with bipolar disorder will experience manic states, where he/ she is euphoric, impulsive, excitable and erratic, followed by depressive states, where he/she sad, negative, irritable and lethargic. Because of these emotional rollercoaster rides that can vary in frequency, duration and intensity, people with bipolar disorder can have many difficulties maintaining jobs and healthy relationships throughout their lives. Proper psychological care—and sometimes pharmaceutical medication—can help sufferers cope with the disease and have normal lives. But evidence now suggests that cannabis may offer help. In a recent collaborative study—“Cognitive and clinical outcomes associated with cannabis use in patients with bipolar disorder”—performed by scientists at The Zucker Hillside Hospital in Long Island, the Mount Sinai School of Medicine and the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York researchers determined that the plant could help improve the lives of those grappling with the disorder. The study was recently published in Psychiatry Research Dr. Raphael Braga, of Zucker

Double Trouble 14 CULTURE • JANUARY 2013

Hillside, led a group of researchers that performed a series of tests on 200 patients suffering from bipolar disorder. Out of these 200, 50 were heavy users of cannabis. The purpose of the study was to compare the results of all the patients’ clinical, neurocognitive tests against each other. The cannabis users’ results were also compared to the other 150 patients. The results? Regardless

of age or gender, patients who used cannabis, when tested for cognitive functioning including attention, processing speed and working memory, showed greater improvement and performed better during the testing than the bipolar patients who did not use the plant. “These analyses indicate an interesting pattern suggesting superior neurocognitive performance

This “data could be interpreted to suggest that cannabis use may have a beneficial effect on cognitive functioning in patients with severe psychiatric disorders.” —Dr. Raphael Braga, The Zucker Hillside Hospital in Long Island

among bipolar patients with cannabis use disorder when compared to bipolar patients without a history of cannabis use,” Braga says. “Moreover, this cognitive advantage is noted in spite of evidence of a more severe clinical course.” Interestingly enough, back in 2010, researchers at the University of Oslo in Norway came up with the same conclusion. In their own study, 133 patients with bipolar disorder who later frequently used cannabis showed improved neurocognitive functioning, including improved attention span, verbal fluency, logic, learning and memory. Clinical research also indicates that cannabis may be useful in treating schizophrenia and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Braga says that there is still a lot of research to be done. Researchers even suggested one possible goal of identifying a method of treatment that mimics the positive effects of cannabis “These data could be interpreted to suggest that cannabis use may have a beneficial effect on cognitive functioning in patients with severe psychiatric disorders,” reports Dr. Braga. “We hope that the results from our study will help guide and encourage future large studies and help further elucidate the multifaceted associations and possible impact of cannabis use in bipolar disorder.” c

How do you know if you have a bipolar disorder? Check with your doctor, but be aware of some of its classic symptoms. Dramatic and unpredictable mood swings is a red flag for mania, according to WebMD. Excessive happiness, racing thoughts—plus anxiety, irritability and suicidal thoughts—are also warning signs of depression.

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There are two types of performers that a smart ass is better off not heckling: comedians and ear-biting boxing champs. Nevertheless, the so-called “Baddest Man on the Planet” has had a few such moments with his new one-man show, Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth. “I was on stage and someone started talking, and I didn’t know what it was,” recalls boxing icon Mike Tyson. “It was someone saying, ‘I’m going to kill you.’ That was on Broadway.” Iron Mike has not had to deliver any Michael Spinks-like takedowns as of yet, but it doesn’t mean he won’t. “It depends on what mood

I am in and how I woke up that day,” he laughs. “I might do one of those rock ’n ‘ roll dives out into the audience. You never know.” In reality, a Tyson 2.0 has emerged that seems more inclined to avoid conflict. In recent years, the notorious fighter has returned to the spotlight with appearances in The Hangover movies, Entourage and the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen, among others. Upon seeing Chazz Palminteri’s acclaimed one-man production of A Bronx Tale, Tyson found his new calling. He wanted to emulate that same format but with his own largerthan-life tale. The autobiographical Undisputed Truth debuted last April

with a six-day run at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas and followed with a Broadway production in August. His wife Kiki Tyson wrote the show, and Spike Lee directed it. Following these two successful runs, a national tour was announced. “It is going to be a rollercoaster of emotions, my life, when I explain the story,” says Tyson of Undisputed Truth. “I am sure people understand about loss and victory and triumphs and mistakes and heartbreak—everything you have to experience to be a complete human being and to function in this world.” Tyson also made sure the show didn’t gloss over any of his worst moments.

He continues, “My wife, who wrote it, tried to sugarcoat it at first. I had to explain that the people know this guy, not the guy you fell in love with. She had to write it down as I explained it to her, the kind of guy I was back then.” Tyson even compares the one-man show to stepping into the ring. “I have the same anxieties, the anxiety of failing,” says Tyson. “Whether it is a fighter or an entertainer, when his name gets announced, the only person he hears is the person who is not applauding. He does not hear the 50,000 who are. The doubt, the fear of being a failure is there.” c

“Biggest Regret”

Mike Tyson racked up an impressive 50 professional wins, but it would have been 51 if the boxer didn’t test positive for cannabis following his TKO of Andrew Golota. During the conversation, Tyson says he had smoked to calm his nerves before the Detroit-area fight in 2000, admitting he did not expect Golota to quit after just two rounds. Tyson has a long history with cannabis, even saying in 2010 that his “biggest regret” was not smoking with old pal Tupac Shakur, who was murdered in 1996 after the Tyson-Bruce Seldon fight at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. When asked about a new Mike Tyson strain of medical marijuana, he even corrects the record by stating, “There has always been a strain called Mike Tyson, even when I was fighting in Baltimore.”



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The three sisters in Haim are just maintaining a family tradition

{By Liquid Todd}


are all asked to name their three favorite artists. And when I say Este (bass), Danielle (vocals, lead guitar) and Alana (guitar, keyboard) come from a musical family I don’t mean their parents liked music and there were a couple of old guitars laying around the house. Their father put drumsticks in their hands when they were only 3 months old and they all can play the drums. “On weekends it was all practicing. We called it ‘Haimtime.’ Saturday and Sunday. We couldn’t hang out with our friends,” Este recounts. “We had a super-close family and our dad was, like, ‘Why would you want to hang out with your friends when you have sisters. Why would you leave when you have sisters to hang out with in the house?’” And they played together—

Say What?

You can stop searching for that perfect three-Jewish-sistersfrom-the-Valley band because Haim is here and it is—quite simply—a whole lot of fun. The group plays catchy, retro rock with great skill and seem to throw itself into pretty much every situation with an infectious mix of anything-goes enthusiasm and spit-take humor. I got a chance to talk to Haim in New York City and instantly fell in love with these three California girls who charmed my socks off without breaking a sweat. The Haim sisters are from a very close-knit, musical family that doesn’t seem to have the usual sibling rivalries and petty disputes—especially when you consider how much time they spend together. Also, most musical acts with siblings or teenagers are cloying and contrived but Haim come off as genuine and un-manufactured which seems to have caught the attention of its growing legion of fans as well as cynical, jaded music journalists like me. And I’m not the only one who has noticed. The girls just made the BBC’s Sound of 2013 list—voted on by UK music writers and industry insiders who

“I think of all the moodaltering substances that we partake in legally all day long, [cannabis] is far less offensive.” —Ani DiFranco

and not just in the living room. With dad on drums, mom on guitar and the sisters playing everything else they started touring with their family band, Rockinhaim, when Alana (the youngest) was only four and kept at it for almost 15 years. “We performed about once a month. Our first show was at Canter’s deli,” Alana says. “We played all covers—songs our parents loved . . . like the Eagles.” In the five years since their split from the family (which Danielle jokingly describes as “amicable”) the Haim sisters spent some time apart—Este graduated from UCLA and Danielle toured with Julian Casablancas from The Strokes—but in 2010 they came back together to record their first EP, Forever, which they released as a free Internet last year. Haim’s major label debut on Columbia is scheduled for a spring release. “We just started writing our own songs and we found out that it was really fun,” Danielle says. “We’d never really tried it before because we had this band with our parents and we were playing all these cover songs that we just grew up to love.” c

Big Score


The video for the band’s first single, “Don’t Save Me,” alternates between the Haim sisters performing the song and playing a three-onthree basketball game on a darkened court with three huge guys who can dunk and aren’t afraid to throw a few dirty elbows. Hilarity—and a bloody nose or two—ensue. Trying to decipher the latest video invariably leads us to wonder if mind-altering substances were involved, but the girls of Haim claim to not indulge, although they don’t hesitate to state their support for legalization. “I pass on grass . . . I pass it to my friends. I’m diabetic and it just makes me get the munchies so I can’t do it,” Este says. “It’s fine though,” Danielle says. “It’s a plant. It comes from the ground. If you’re responsible. Do it.”

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A Sacred Celebration Zola Jesus and record label Sacred Bones offer something for everyone {By Lillian Isley} label’s biggest success stories. She dropped her full-length debut, The Spoils, in 2008 via Sacred Bones, after mutual friends tipped off Braaten to her siren-like vocals, joined by instrumentation that incorporates dark layers of industrial, electronic, goth and pop. “The Spoils was an incredibly conceptual record,” says Danilova, who was interviewed right before the Dec. 21 show. “I planned it all out and it felt very methodical, but at the same time felt very instinctive. I knew exactly what I was trying to communicate.” And all the while, she had the support she needed from her label. “Something that’s very unique with Sacred Bones is their entire appreciation and presentation of music,” she says. “They don’t arbitrarily put anything out; they’ve got to believe in it. Our relationship is so strong, and I feel such trust with them.” The trust goes both ways, but it’s not difficult to trust in Danilova once you get a sense of her passion for music, and for her favorite instrument: her voice, powerful, mysterious and the focal point of Zola Jesus’ music. “Ever since I was very young, I loved making music, but I didn’t

really have any instruments,” she explains. “So I’d just sing, because that was an inborn instrument. When I realized it was something you could actually master, like guitar and piano, I started taking voice lessons.” She was around 8 or 9 years old at the time, and she continues regular training with a vocal coach even now, continually awed by this instrument most of us carry around daily. “You’re born with this ability to make music and to express and internalize and externalize everything,” says Danilova. “It just seems so powerful.” She’s released several more albums, EPs, and collaborations since her debut and is working on

Say What?

They thought the Mayans were right—so they threw a party. That was the logic behind record label Sacred Bones’ fifth-anniversary concert last month at a roadhouse-type venue in the middle of the Mojave Desert, thousands of miles away from Brooklyn, where the label calls home. “We were thinking about all the different ‘exotic’ places [the show] could be at, and the desert seemed like the perfect spot,” explains Sacred Bones founder Caleb Braaten, just prior to the Dec. 21 show. “It being the end of the world, we may as well be in the middle of nowhere.” With the apocalypse overarching everything, the tunes ended up being truly special—which worked out great considering the bill was a sampling of Sacred Bones’ lauded roster and offered something for pretty much everybody: experimental goth pop, Swedish electronica, moody ’80stinged rock—the list goes on. Headlining that night was Zola Jesus, a 22-year-old Wisconsinite (real name Nika Roza Danilova) who is one of the

her next full-length record now. With any luck, Sacred Bones will be around for her and the rest of its roster for a long time. For now, Braaten is just stoked he’s made it this far. “I had no idea how labels worked, or even what a label really was,” he says. “I didn’t even know how distribution worked. It’s all been a real learning experience.” So was she shocked to be celebrating Sacred Bones’ fifth birthday? “Oh, hell yeah!” he laughs. “Are you kidding me? It’s really a feat.” c

“Mr. President, I hope you don’t think I am out of line, but marijuana is something that real people care about.” —Jimmy Kimmel

Hometown Pride

Sacred Bones founder—and former Denver resident—Caleb Braaten is proud of his home state and its voters, following last year’s landmark marijuana legislation in Colorado, as well as Washington. “It’s wonderful,” he says of the growing national conversation over legalization. “It’s definitely the future. I’m not a marijuana user myself, but I still think it’s ridiculous to criminalize it.”


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destination unknown


Hour Party, People!

by David Jenison

Photo by David Jenison

Encarnación: Carnival Capital of Paraguay

Carnival photos courtesy of Carnavales Encarneacenos

The Mayan calendar might be over, but the Latin American parties are just beginning with Carnival season in full swing. Most people know Brazil is the party’s international hotspot, but the Paraguayan city of Encarnación is the fast-rising new star. Located in the southeast corner of the country, Encarnación is the Carnival Capital of Paraguay with lively parades, vibrant colors and juvenile playfulness. The party is smaller and less pricey, but it is no less excessive. For the festival, Avenida Francia becomes a Sambódromo-style procession with elaborate floats, cerveza-sponsored dancers and half-naked garotas (parade girls) in ornate outfits. Hard-partying crowds watch from the bleachers and luxury boxes as snow rains down like a blizzard. Snow? No, it doesn’t really snow in Paraguay, but it is a local Carnival tradition to blast everyone with lanzanieves “snow spray” that comes in an aerosol can. After the parade, people pile into the nearby clubs with many patrons still covered in fake snow. Visitors usually come prepared for the snow fights, but they better not forget about the Saturday afternoon Water Wars. For several hours, the city engages in a giant water fight, and the local kids gear up like it was a Call of Duty: Black Ops convention. Many fill up water buckets and douse unsuspecting people from rooftops, while

The Lonely Planet guide says the Encarnación Carnival is “much more fun” than Rio, which is quite an overstatement, but it is not an either-or proposition. The three Brazilian hotspots—Rio, Salvador and Olinda—start Carnival on Feb. 8 this year. In Encarnación, however, the party starts Jan. 18 and continues every weekend through the traditional Carnival dates. This means a traveler can start the party in Encarnación, head to Rio for the main event and then keep the liver abuse rolling with the “Ressaca” after-party on Tinharé Island. That tallies up to almost two straight weeks of partying. Paraguay might get its Carnival influence from Brazil, but guess where Brazil gets its smoke? Supplying most of eastern South America, Paraguay is second only to Mexico as the world’s largest cannabis producer. The government has traditionally had a relaxed attitude about enforcement, but the U.N. Office on Drugs and Crime (read: U.S.A.) is now putting pressure on the Paraguayan government. In other words, traveling patients should be low-key about use and avoid crossing borders with medicine, though finding cannabis in Encarnación should not be a problem. Every party-friendly individual should experience at least one Carnival party, but remember that U.S. citizens need a tourist visa to visit Paraguay or Brazil. c


water balloons come from any direction, including from passing cars. Adults are even known to wield a mean garden hose or water cannon. Sure, the whole party reeks of frat-house immaturity, but don’t most Carnival celebrations? Encarnación, “The Pearl of the South,” sits on the Paraná River just across the water from Argentina. The city features a modern hilltop neighborhood called Zona

Alta where travelers should stay, while the crumbling Zona Baja is the spot for serious bargain shopping. Encarnación even has a sandy, two-mile river beach with volleyball courts, water sports and swimming areas. A short distance outside of town, the UNESCO-honored Jesuit Ruins are considered the most impressive mission remnants in South America. Even if nursing a hangover, travelers should not miss the ruins.

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profiles in courage

Are you an MMJ patient from Colorado with a compelling story to tell? If so, we want to hear from you. Email your name, contact information and details about your experiences with medical cannabis to

Why did you start using medical cannabis? Patient:

John McCarthy

AGE: 30

Condition/ Illness: Psoriatic arthritis

Using medical cannabis since:

Photo by Amanda Holguin


I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, a condition that has no known cure, and the only option I was presented with was taking an injection for the rest of my life that would treat some of my symptoms and had significant side effects.

Did you try other methods or treatments before cannabis? I had doctors that prescribed me cancer meds that were sometimes used with advanced cases of arthritis, but the relief I get from cannabis is so much more significant and [gives] me a better quality of life.

What’s the most important issue or problem facing medical cannabis patients?

The most important issue/problem facing medical cannabis is educating people on all the benefits that the cannabis plant has and the importance of safe access to lab-tested cannabis for patients.

What do you say to folks who are skeptical about cannabis as medicine?

For the people [who] are skeptical, I say, “Walk a day in my shoes.” c


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Some call them man’s best friend. Some call them critter companions (OK—no one calls them this), but to you and me they’re our pets. And we want to take good care of them. One of the best ways to do so is keep them away from medical cannabis. While it improves the quality of your life, that gram of Death Star ain’t gonna do Fido no good. If your pets ingest cannabis, depending on the amount, they might end up disoriented and have trouble walking . . . or unresponsive. Here are some tips:

NEVER intentionally feed your pet cannabis in any way, shape or form—or force them to inhale smoke. It’s not cool and not funny.


When at a park or other public place, keep pets on a leash. While not common, dogs, for example, have been known to eat cannabis that was left behind or dropped outdoors.

If you think your pet has ingested cannabis, stay calm and contact a veterinarian immediately.

Illustration by Vidal Diaz

Store your flowers so your pets can’t reach and eat them. This includes tables, furniture, the floor, etc. Ideally, keep your meds locked up. Most poisoning cases involve pets eating edibles—so stash those, too!

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strain & edible reviews GET YOUR CLICK HERE

Bubblegum As a strain, Bubblegum has a lot in common with its candy counterpart: sweet, sticky and something you definitely don’t want on the sole of your shoe. We had a lip-smackingly good time at Altitude Organic Medicine in Colorado Springs, where we found this great sample. This 80-percent sativa-dominant strain is a truly energetic pheno; a case where you may want to lick the wrapper. Smelling like you cracked open a bag of Big League Chew, Bubblegum’s appearance is definitely that of a lime-green Sour Patch Kid—so coated in crystals it turned nearly white. Since most reviewers are already familiar with the indica-leaning side of these genetics (found predominantly in the Midwest), a daytime sampling of this strain proved a pleasant surprise; mental effects lent focus and purpose, leading to a productive afternoon and an unexpected second lunch. Yes, like the name Bubblegum would suggest, we could not stop moving our mouths, whether it was to grub—thus, an excellent choice for tackling appetite issues—or chat it up with the next desk down. Grab this strain if you’re looking for “pop” somewhere other than the radio.

Grandma Chronic Goodies Hard Candy Now that the holidays are behind us, it’s time to steal some great recipes from our family. They won’t miss them, it’s like a hand-medown. The original recipe, like that guarded by KFC, is the holy grail, and we found it at the Mile High Dispensary, with locations in Denver and Englewood. Made by Grandma Chronic, her Goodies line of hard candy is one of the oldest secrets in the book. Jackie Yancy devoted her life to edibles after her son passed from throat cancer, helping others through techniques he taught her. Each piece feels poured individually—with love—and the cherry and apple flavors taste just like their facsimiles in the snack aisle. With 35mg in each bite, this is a snack that is perfect for someone looking to dabble in edibles without spending a couple days on the couch, lamenting their choice. Instead, use these candies for a pickme-up during the waning hours of the day, or a particularly creative day around the house. Grandma always approves of arts and crafts.

Templar The Knights Templar couldn’t have imagined that 900 or so years later, they’d be such a pop culture obsession. From Indiana Jones to National Treasure to Monty Python, they’ve been spoofed and spun every which way. Add to the list Templar (Chem 4 x King’s Kush) from Denver Patients Group in Denver, a strain we could put to use every night—pun not intended. Of course, that’s the best time to enjoy this unique 100-percent indica—which bears a strong resemblance to the Templar’s red cross— with criss-crossing dark red hairs covering the nugs. The knights would have likely been confused by the aroma of this strain, however, as it reeks of rubber and has slight hints of fuel that no horse could produce. This strain is the opposite of charging into battle, although it’s great for helping with a flesh wound in the medic’s tent. One of our favorite effects, though, was how well it let us sleep, like passing out in an enchanted forest. And don’t worry about waking up right before you slay the dragon, as Templar is great for an uninterrupted night’s rest. 34 CULTURE • JANUARY 2013

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Grandoggy Purps Holy purps, Batman! While he may have been tracking down a different type of perp with sidekick Robin, the Caped Crusader has also been joined in the past by Ace, the Bat-Hound. We at CULTURE would be proud to adopt the Grandoggy Purps from Medicine Man in Denver as our new super-strain pup. A cross of the legendary GDP (Granddaddy Purps) and Chem Dawg 4, it’s no mystery why patients love this 60-40 indica-dominant hybrid. With nugs that look like they were born from a nuclear reactor, this strain is for fanboys of the Fantastic Four’s Thing, as it has the density of a large rock. Breaking up the nugs showed good consistency of trichomes throughout, and that almost “purple” smell of fresh grapes permeated the office. The indica side of the cross was more pronounced for some reviewers, with big pain relief coming at the expense of minor desk-lock. Others felt a great mix of head and body, perfect for relaxing at the big screen without passing out during the trailers. Grandoggy Purps is ideal for a superhero on the go—sans Batmobile.

Sweet Mary Jane’ Sweet Dreams If sweet dreams were made of these, it makes you wonder what “these” are made of, right? Thank goodness Sweet Mary Jane has it figured out for us, because if it wasn’t for the duo we picked up at BGood in Denver, we may have never known. The ’80s were a mystery for a lot of us. Our affinity for chocolate and peanut butter is well known, but this is a treat that takes it over the top. A luscious peanut butter bottom, almost like silky nougat, plays well with a chocolate shell that adds texture and balance to this decadent treat. It only helps that you can smell the THC from the moment you open the package. Clearly made from cannabutter, the herbaceousness hits your palate almost immediately, yet it is mitigated by the choice of sugars. We couldn’t help but feel giddy from each 50mg dose. Dancing ensued, but it wasn’t graceful. Like any good PB, we were just after the jam. Try eating one, then enter a staring contest at your own risk. This is an edible that will help you “get on up!”

Chem Dawg 4 Colorado is home to quite a few legends, but few inspire the debate and rancor of the Chem Dawg lineage. If this page had a comments section it would be on fire. With the election over, we wanted some controversy and busted out some Chem Dawg 4 from iVita Wellness in uptown Denver. Our review team was unanimous in its support. The Chem family can be all over the place—like most families—but No. 4 is a proven powerful indica. Though small in stature, these popcorn nugs have great structure and burn long and slow, helping stretch our meds supply for longer than we had expected. The nose is hard to mistake; a curious mix of fresh lemons and wood polish, hence the “Chem” moniker. Initially, we found this strain a blast to the brain, causing racing thoughts and pumping up the heartbeat. After a few minutes, however, we all calmed down and let the strain take over. An excellent soothing choice for those dealing with severe pain and discomfort.



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Photo by Craig Larsen


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Adam Carolla knows how to take on a challenge. He made a name for himself dishing out relationship advice as co-host of the syndicated Loveline radio program. His forays into television included a home improvement show on TLC, a car show on Speed TV and puppets making prank calls on Comedy Central’s Crank Yankers. He hosted The Man Show alongside Jimmy Kimmel, and he took over Howard Stern’s timeslot when the shock jock jumped to SiriusXM. Carolla competed on Dancing with the Stars and Celebrity Apprentice, and last April he actually won the Pro/Celebrity Race at the Toyota Grand Prix. He even wrote several books, including 2012’s New York Times bestseller Not Taco Bell Material, named after the fast-food joint that once shot down his job application. Still, the multi-tasking star truly challenged himself last year when he turned down a sevenfigure radio deal in favor of continuing his own Internet podcasts. This decision was quite a risk, but The Adam Carolla Podcast has proven to be quite a show. The right-leaning, pro-cannabis-rights Carolla— cited by the Marijuana Policy Project as a member of its VIP Advisory Board (composed of “high-profile people who are interested in being involved in and helping the cause in whatever ways they prefer,” according to the MPP)—started the podcast just days after his radio gig ended in 2009, and the inaugural show scored a quarter-million downloads in the first 24 hours alone. Two years later, the podcast reached 59,574,843 unique downloads, which pushed it past The Ricky Gervais Show as the most downloaded podcast in history. It is now officially etched into the Guinness World Records because Carolla decided to look forward with an emerging platform rather than look back with traditional media. Some might call him the white middle-aged P. Diddy, and while he’s not dropping a rap album, Carolla is tackling yet another challenge. He is currently taking his podcast and stand-up comedy—plus his Loveline Tour with Dr. Drew—on the road. Despite racking up the overtime, Carolla peeled away enough time to talk with CULTURE about podcasting, hanging out with Snoop Dogg cannabis and why he thinks people should be able to use cannabis however they want.

JANUARY 2013 2012 • CULTURE 39

You have taken The Adam Carolla Podcast on the road with live events. How are the live events different than the in-studio podcasts? It is like doing a live standup comedy show in a weird way. We are up on stage with microphones. It would be like a four-piece band doing an acoustic show on stage or something of that nature. It is really part live radio and part stand-up comedy show. When we have someone like Graham Parker on the show, we have a little live music as well. A few days after The Adam Carolla Show ended on radio, you launched The Adam Carolla Podcast and eventually set a world record for downloads. Did you suspect that podcasting had this much potential, and how is it going now? It is sort of steady as she goes. We just try to keep moving forward by putting out product and being innovative and finding different ways to monetize our product. The challenge is how do we put out this daily podcast and keep it free for the listeners, and then how do I pay the mortgage at the warehouse and pay for the equipment, the studio, all the employees and all the other various expenses we have around here? The answer to that is people clicking through Amazon and buying my new Mangria— which I am very proud of. I always say, “It is like a thousand hoses on trickle going into one bathtub.” It is not about making a ton of money, doing live shows or doing stand-up or from advertising. It is a little bit here, a little bit there. Sell a book, sell a live show ticket, sell some Mangria, and at the end of the month, it starts to add up. Tell me about Mangria. It’s a mix of red wine and vodka, correct? Yeah. It’s actually grape-based

It’s a hectic schedule, but no individual thing I do really lasts more than 90 minutes. Honestly, the cell phone has helped a lot.

I support legalizing or decriminalizing marijuana. —on his political views

vodka because there are legal issues, but yeah, that is what it is. You have to buy it online if you want to try it, but hopefully it will be in stores soon. Did Ricky Gervais say anything about the world record you took from him? No, I have never spoken to Ricky Gervais. I have no idea. To be honest, I really have no idea if he even knows about our podcast. The way I am wired, I would be surprised if he’s even heard of this podcast. I don’t know why, but that’s what I think. I guess that’s the way I like to think so that way I never get disappointed. You are doing podcasts, live events, stand-up comedy and writing books. With so much going on, how do you divide up your time? Right now I am at my studio getting ready to do my Ace on the House and CarCast shows, and tonight, after doing my regular podcast, I am calling the Nick & Artie Show and doing that on the ride home. I look at it this way—your show schedule is a lot of bricks, and your mortar is all the in-between stuff.

When you did The Man Show, you and Jimmy [Kimmel] visited Snoop Dogg’s house and sampled some cannabis. Yeah, that was fun. Tell us, how potent was Snoop’s cannabis? Good enough! It certainly worked on me. The Marijuana Policy Project lists you on its Advisory Board, which is “composed of celebrities and public figures who support ending marijuana prohibition.” It includes Bill Maher, Jack Black, Adrianne Curry and Melissa Etheridge. Tell us about that. They just put [me] on there. I support legalizing or decriminalizing marijuana. What are your thoughts on the medical cannabis movement? In the past you’ve criticized the War on Drugs and said people should be allowed to use cannabis any way they want as long as they don’t hurt anyone. My whole thing is to call it what it is. Someone says, “I want to smoke pot.” Fine, here is your pot. You don’t need a note from your doctor. If you want to smoke pot, smoke pot . . . it’s none of anyone’s business. If you want it, you want it. You can argue that a cigarette is good for you if it relaxes you, or booze is good for you if it helps you sleep. People argue that pot is good for you . . . It’s your business. I’ll stay out of your shit. c

If you think Adam Carolla has an issue with the government . . . just listen to his podcasts: “Politicians in both parties are guilty of perpetuating this, but the liberals are definitely on the correct side,” he podcast in 2010. “I go nuts when I hear about what the DEA spends on pot versus what they spend on crystal meth . . . when the history books are written, the prohibition of marijuana is gonna look like the prohibition of alcohol in the ’20s and ’30s. Our grandkids will think we were idiots . . . it should have been legalized in the 1970s.” 40 CULTURE • JANUARY 2013

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2005 1994 Adam Corolla forms a relationship with Jimmy Kimmel, gaining a recurring role on KROQ’s Kevin and Bean as “Mr. Birchum,” the cranky old woodshop teacher.

Carolla leaves Loveline in December of this year, setting out to start his own morning radio show, The Adam Corolla Show—replacing the raunchier The Howard Stern Show. Carolla later hosts a talk show on Comedy Central called Too Late with Adam Corolla.

1995 Corolla signs to the William Morris Agency and lands a co-host position on KROQ’s love-and-sex advice show Loveline with physician Dr. Drew Pinsky. He serves as the comedic relief, often creating more than a little controversy.

2008 Corolla is voted off of Dancing with the Stars on April 8 after performing Paso Doble with Julianne Hough.

1998 Corolla and Pinsky co-author a book titled, The Dr. Drew and Adam Book: A Survival Guide to Life and Love, a compilation of advice for Loveline listeners.

1999 Kimmel and Corolla launch an original television series on Comedy Central: The Man Show. Not surprisingly, it targets men and objectifies women.

2009 The Adam Corolla Show is cancelled due to a radio station format change. Three days later, Carolla launches his very successful podcast.

2010 2002 Pranks-with-puppets show Crank Yankers—the brainchild of Carolla and producer Daniel Kellison—hits Comedy Central.

2003 Corolla creates controversy after calling Hawaiians “dumb,”“in-bred,”“retarded” and the “dumbest people we have.” Understandably, Hawaiian people aren’t happy.


Corolla publishes In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks . . . and Other Complaints From an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy, which reaches the No. 8 spot on The New York Times Best Seller list.

2012 Carolla publishes Not Taco Bell Material, and in an interview in the New York Post Carolla claims that men are funnier than women. A backlash ensues.

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cool stuff RemPen In terms of price and effectiveness, it would be difficult to find a more fetching (and handy) personal vaporizer than the RemPen, available at Rocky Mountain Remedies in Steamboat Springs. Whatever your taste in extractions is, this medical device offers you the freedom of using strain-specific cartridges (250mgand 500mg-dose cartridges are available) and the ease of a smooth, cool delivery system. (MSRP $25)

Rage Against the Machine - XX Time to ready your fistful of steel for a township rebellion. To celebrate the anniversary of a musical revolution, Legacy Recordings just issued Rage Against the Machine - XX, a commemorative 20th anniversary deluxe box set of the band’s debut album, complete with demos, B-sides, etc. Not just another bombtrack. ($77.84)

Waka Waka Solar Lamp Whether you’re planning for the end of the world (again), or just a Doomsday Preppers sort of person, this solar-powered lamp provides 16 hours of light on one day’s worth of sun. Developed for Third World countries as an alternative to kerosene and candles, this makes an excellent pick for emergency kits. (MSRP $79)


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By Aunt Sandy

Jan. 21 is Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday, and to celebrate the iconic civil rights leader, CULTURE has prepared a menu based on traditional—and delicious— African American dishes.


Collard Greens with Bacon Oven Fried Chicken Red Beans & Rice Sweet Potato Pie Sweet Iced Tea

Sandy Moriarty is the author of Aunt’ Sandy’s Medical Marijuana Cookbook: Comfort Food for Body & Mind and a Professor of Culinary Arts at Oaksterdam University. She is also the co-founder of Oaksterdam’s Bakery.


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Collard Greens with Bacon Makes 6 servings 1 teaspoon sugar 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper 4 cloves garlic, minced Red wine vinegar

1 pound collard greens 6 slices bacon, chopped 2 cups water 1/2 cup chopped onion 1/2 cup chopped sweet red pepper

Wash collard greens thoroughly in cold water and drain well. Discard stems and trim bruised leaves. Chop the leaves coarsely so they still amount to about six cups of greens, lightly packed. Set aside. In a large saucepan cook bacon until crisp. Remove bacon, but save drippings in saucepan. Drain bacon on paper towels and set aside. Add water, onion, sweet red pepper, sugar, salt , cayenne pepper and garlic to the saucepan with the bacon drippings. Bring to a boil, add chopped collard greens and reduce heat. Simmer covered for one hour or until greens are tender. Add bacon and remove from heat. Serve with a slotted spoon. Drizzle with a little red wine vinegar if desired.

Red Beans & Rice Makes 6 servings 1 large onion, cut into thin wedges 1 cup chopped red sweet pepper 4 cloves garlic, minced 3 tablespoons Cannabis-Infused Oil** 1/2 cup fresh cilantro 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano, crushed 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin 1/4 teaspoon black pepper 2 16-ounce cans of kidney beans, rinsed and drained 1 cup vegetable broth 1/4 cup lime juice 2 cups cooked brown rice

Oven Fried Chicken Makes 6 servings

In a large saucepan cook onion, sweet pepper and garlic in hot oil over medium heat for five minutes, stirring occasionally. Add 1/4 cup of cilantro, plus the oregano, cumin and black pepper. Cook and stir for one minute. Add beans and broth. Bring to a boil, then reduce and simmer uncovered for 15 minutes or until liquid is thickened to desired consistency. Serve beans over rice and sprinkle with remaining cilantro.

1 egg, slightly beaten 3 tablespoons milk 1 1/4 cups crushed saltine crackers, about 35 1 teaspoon dried thyme, crushed 1/2 teaspoon paprika 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon black pepper 3 tablespoon Canna Butter*, melted 3 pounds assorted chicken pieces Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a small bowl combine egg and milk. For the coating, in a shallow dish combine the crushed crackers, thyme, paprika, salt and pepper. Stir in melted Canna Butter and set aside. Dip chicken pieces into the egg-milk mixture one at a time and then coat with the cracker mixture. In a 15x10 baking pan, arrange the chicken bone sides down so pieces aren’t touching. Sprinkle chicken pieces with any remaining cracker mixture so they are well coated. Bake uncovered for one hour or until chicken is done and crispy. Do not turn chicken while baking. JANUARY 2012 • CULTURE 47

Sweet Potato Pie Makes 8 servings 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup shortening

1/4 cup Canna Butter*, cut up 1/4 cup ice water Pie filling (see recipe below)

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. In a medium bowl, stir together flour and salt. Using a pastry blender, cut in shortening and butter until pieces are pea size. Sprinkle one tablespoon of water over part of the flour mixture and toss with a fork. Push moistened pastry to side of the bowl. Repeat moistening flour mixture using one tablespoon at a time until all the flour mixture is moistened. Gather flour mixture into a ball, kneading gently until it holds together. On a lightly floured surface use your hands to slightly flatten pastry. Roll pastry from center to edges into a circle, about 12 inches in diameter. Ease into a 9-inch pie pan, trim a half-inch beyond end of pan, crimp edges and prick bottom and sides with a fork. Bake for eight minutes, remove foil, bake for another eight minutes. Cool on a wire rack. Pour in Pie Filling. Bake for about 40 minutes. Cool on a wire rack for at least 30 minutes. Cover and chill for two hours.

Sweet Iced Tea

Pie Filling 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice 2 cups mashed cooked sweet pota1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg toes (or 1 can sweet potatoes, drained 1/8 teaspoon salt and mashed) 3 eggs, beaten 4 tablespoon Canna Butter*, melted 1 cup buttermilk or dairy sour cream 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon In a large bowl stir together sweet potatoes, sugar, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg and salt. Add eggs and beat lightly with a fork until combined. Gradually stir in buttermilk (or sour cream) until thoroughly mixed.

Ice 5 ounces of iced tea 1 ounce Cannabis Simple Syrup*** Sprig of fresh mint In an eight-ounce glass filled with ice, add tea and Cannabis Simple Syrup and stir. Garnish with mint.

Canna Butter* 1 cup unsalted butter 1 ounce low to average quality dried leaf marijuana or 1/2 ounce average dried bud 4 cups water Bring water and butter to boil in a small pot, lower heat to simmer. Simmer gently for about 1 1/2 hours. Mash and stir frequently to extract all THC from the plant material. After cooking, use cheesecloth to strain the butter/water mixture. Pour about 2 cups clean boiling water over the leaves in the strainer to extract every last drop of butter. Squeeze plant material well to remove as much liquid as possible. Chill the butter/water mixture in the refrigerator until the butter has solidified (1 to 2 hours). Separate butter from water and keep butter in the refrigerator (or freezer for longer storage) until needed.

Cannabis Simple Syrup*** 1/2 oz cannabis buds 1 cup sugar 1 cup water In a saucepan, sauté the buds in sugar and water over medium heat for 20 minutes. Strain the buds. Pour the remaining green-colored syrup into a glass container. Let it cool and refrigerate. Pour over fruit or fruit salad and let the syrup fully absorb. 48 CULTURE • JANUARY 2013

Cannabis-Infused Oil** 1 cup cooking oil 1 1/4 ounces low to average quality dried leaf marijuana or 3/4 ounce average dried bud Place cannabis in a slow cooker. Add oil. If necessary, add a little extra oil in order to just cover the cannabis. Cook on low for six to eight hours, stirring often. Strain through cheesecloth to remove plant material. For further purity, strain through a coffee filter. Store in the refrigerator for up to three months.

Legal Disclaimer

Publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical marijuana. The recipes listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only where medical marijuana is not a violation of state law. Edibles can vary in potency while a consumers’ weight, metabolism and eating habits may affect effectiveness and safety. Ingredient management is important when cooking with cannabis for proper dosage. Please consume responsibly and check with your doctor before consumption to make sure that it is safe to do so. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


entertainment reviews Media Shower Double A.B. & Dub Sonata Man Bites Dog The world of rap music tends to be a major contradiction more often than not. You’ll hear music with great rhymes but lousy backing music, or vice versa. The best resolutions are the cleverest ones and teamwork seems to be the melodic answer here. New York rapper Double A.B. has combined his wit and words with spin master Dub Sonata, creating what can best be described as audio art. Media Shower is a collaboration that stands out heads and shoulders above most in the genre. Dub Sonata’s symphony of cinematic and vintage samples blend together near seamlessly, with rare doldrums that are quickly swept behind as the music leaves the listener spellbound. A.B. also deserves his due for rhyming about serious and relevant subject matters—the title song is an insightful critique on 21st century entertainment saturation that delivers a strong message while keeping a consistent pace and rhythm. Looking for a good single? Start with “Lo Siento Amigo” and “Drug Wars.” (Joe Martone)

True Living Organics: The Ultimate Guide to Growing All-Natural Marijuana Indoors By The Rev Green Candy Press Know the difference between earthworm casings and soft rock phosphate? Did you know that alfalfa pellets can add nitrogen to your soil mix? No—well, no worries because cultivator extraordinaire The Rev has all the answers: just add water. No joke—his “True Living Organics” methods shy away from chemical addictives and nutrient solutions and, for example embraces organic teas that provide the necessary “microlife” to your plants’ soil. The Rev starts with the basics (the fundamental roles of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen in a plant’s nutrition), provides you with tips (Did you know you can use grape juice to adjust the pH?) and guides you step-by-step all the way to self-sufficiency: making your own TLO container and “brewing” your own teas for your plants’ various stages of development. Even veterans might learn something new (freshwater aquarium water and rainwater are full of good microlife—wow!). If you think all-natural cannabis is what mother nature intended, pick up this book. (Matt Tapia)

The Replacements Color Me Obsessed: A Film About the Replacements MVD It’s almost fitting that a DVD documenting the history of one of America’s most beloved yet bewildering punk bands of the ’80s doesn’t feature any of their own music being performed (the Replacements recently reunited in the studio to record . . . a bunch of cover songs!) nor does it feature any current interviews of the band members themselves (much like their “Bastards of Young” video in which the Replacements never appeared). But what Color Me Obsessed does feature is a lengthy interview list, talking with the who’s who of the Minneapolis punk scene some 30 years ago, including friends, promoters, journalists, fans and even members of area punk vets, Hüsker Dü. It’s a comprehensive, chronological look at the band’s output and experiences, but Color Me Obsessed might not be of extreme interest to the casual punk listener. If you’ve got Tim on three formats shelved between copies of frontman Paul Westerberg’s solo catalog, this documentary will be a worthy addition to the ’Mats collection. Indeed, Color Me Obsessed is best suited for those who are truly Replacements obsessed. (Justin Cienega)


SIA Snow Show

If moving across snow at a high rate of speed is your religion, then consider this year’s SnowSports Industries America (SIA) Snow Show a holy pilgrimage. Since we know and love our home state for giving us one giant powder-covered backyard to play in, there’s every reason in the world to attend a trade show that comes closest to defining the exhilaration and energy of snow sports. Not only will the industry’s best and brightest be here to clue you in on the latest innovations, products and gear—SIA’s also got parties! Plan on meeting professionals proudly showing off their new gear for the New Year and celebrating it in style. Among the laundry lists of events, fests, shows and demos will be the 14th Annual TransWorld SNOWboarding Riders’ Poll and the unveiling of the newest winter tech and more. If you’re in the mood to practice what you preach, try out the Nordic Demo scheduled at Devil’s Thumb Ranch—or maybe the Alpine Snowboard Demo & SkiRide Fest at Winter Park is more your speed. And with all the hustle and bustle on the event floor, it can be easy to get lost in the crowded atmosphere, awesome parties and live music (rapper Redman rocked the mic last year)—so keep an eye out for the latest news and make sure you get your pass to this truly cool event.


What: SIA Snow Show. When/Where: Jan. 31-Feb. 1 at the Colorado Convention Center 700 14th St., Denver; off-site demos Feb. 4-5. Info: Events start at 9am daily. Go to siasnowshow.snowsports. org or call (307) 690-6427.

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liner notes When you hear about two men in New Mexico plotting criminal activity, it’s usually related to high school science teachers deciding to sell drugs. But every once in a while, people break bad in a different, more ridiculous way. Case in point: Two such men tried to kill Justin Bieber. Here’s the deal: not only did these men want to kill Bieber and his bodyguard, but they wanted to choke him with a paisley tie and castrate him. Sure, you say, I see people talking about castrating Justin Bieber on the Internet all the time. Well, folks, this plot was actually underway. It was set in motion (and ultimately stopped) by Dana Martin, a current inmate serving two life sentences for the rape and murder of a 15-year-old girl. Martin, like any sadistic superfan, also has a tattoo of the Canadian pop sensation on his leg. After the suspects were apprehended in their residence, police said they found “murder tools and pruning sheers” on the premises, a description that is both hilarious and cringe-worthy. Baby, baby, baby, oh no! Moving from potential disasters to real ones, we have the Spice Girls musical Viva Forever! which is being almost universally dismissed by critics. The Internet is abuzz with vehemence, collecting jeers lobbed at the musical from all manner of media outlets. They find the music laughable, the production dated and unambitious and the songs uninspiring. The question remains: How is this any different from when the Spice Girls were first performing? The Daily Telegraph described the musical as a “miasma of disappointment” that stunk up the production, but who exactly was building up hopes high enough for this to be a disappointment? “Gangnam Style” has claimed its first kill. PSY, the wonderful South Korean rapper whose dance craze has penetrated every possible market, has become a household name in the last few months with his viral video. Recently, however, a middle-aged British man died at a holiday party while attempting to bust a Gangnam move. Eamonn Kilbride, 46, started feeling chest pain during his horse-moves and fell over, causing a small panic. He could not be revived. His last words were


By Kevin Longrie “hey, sexy lady.” Onlookers said that it was almost as bad as the Macarena massacre of 1994. The Daily Mail reported that Jonny Greenwood, guitarist of Radiohead, was staying in a self-sustaining house in Brazil to try to prepare for the coming Mayan apocalypse. Of course, the Daily Mail will report anything it feels like, even if it is ridiculous and without a credible source. The band’s management, no doubt angry that it even had to address the rumors, recently spoke with the press saying that not only was the information false, but that Greenwood was not even in Brazil. Greenwood has been enjoying even wider critical acclaim lately as a film composer for Paul Thomas Anderson’s last two movies. The rumors about Greenwood are even more bizarre given that it is widely know Thom Yorke stopped the end of the world with his “Lotus Flower” video dance and bowler hat. There was also a good harvest that season. Returning to the bizarre and violent news stateside, two men in Norwalk, Ohio got into a tussle over some criminal charges. Their names: Hall and Oats. Well, that

is to say that Roger Oats and his neighbor, Scott Hall, fought drunkenly with each other until Oats bit off Hall’s eyebrow. Talk about making my nightmares come true. Lastly, I want to take a moment away from pointing out the ridiculous music stories this month to throw a spotlight on some really great news: Randy Newman was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Newman, who most people under 30 know either from the early Family Guy parody or from his work with Pixar films like Toy Story and Monsters, Inc., has written brilliant songs and satires for his entire career, playing controversial subjects and causing a few controversies himself. He is one of the best living songwriters and he deserves the honor. Good job, Randy. c

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Let’s Do This Our picks for the coolest things to do around town Rockin‘ New Year’s Burlesque Revue, Jan. 3-4

Celebrate the music from the past taken to a new and exciting level, all vamped up in a sassy fun-loving environment. The talented Clocktower Clockettes perform vintage tunes infused with their entrancing modern burlesque moves. Sure, Dita’s good, but these ladies really bring down the house. Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret, Denver

Reid Speed & The Bolivian Marching Affair, Jan. 4 The New Year has arrived and it’s time to get your booty on the dance floor. With talented DJ Reid Speed mixing a variety of hits—the added bonus of electronic accompaniment from The Bolivian Marching Affair is sure to keep your boogie nights moves fresh. Beta Nightclub, Denver

50th Ullr Fest, Jan. 6-12

Grab your horned Viking hat and come celebrate Norse god of winter Ullr by consuming enough alcoholic beverages to forget how freezing it is outside. There will be contests, a parade and more than 12,000 participants providing proof positive that horned hats are always in style. Thor sightings not guaranteed. Breckenridge Ski Resort, Breckenridge

Black Veil Brides, Jan. 7

These brides are not what you would expect or want to see walking down the aisle—dressed in black from head to toe, looking like the children of Mötley Crüe’s loins. With more eyeliner and pouty lips than the makeup counter at Macy’s, glam metal doesn’t get any more riskier than this., Ogden Theatre, Denver

Cirque De Soleil: Quidam, Jan. 9-13

Travel across the world and beyond your wildest dreams without leaving the state. Quidam’s lively acrobatic performances, dangerous stunts with whimsical makeup and costumes will transport your into a new universe of awe and imagination. Colorado Springs World Arena, Colorado Springs

Reel Big Fish, Jan. 11

Like wine, ska just gets better with age. Drawing from a 20-plusyear-long discography, the guys in Reel Big Fish plan on delivering classic tunes—plus new tracks from recently released album Candy Coated Fury—that will keep you skanking all night long. Fox Theatre, Boulder 54 CULTURE • JANUARY 2013

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Cervantes’ 10th Year Anniversary, Jan. 18-19

Over the past decade, Cervantes’ Masterpiece has given Denver a classy space to experience musical ecstasy with its dual venues— allowing patrons to travel back and forth between rooms to take in twice the melodic vibrations than any other venue can offer. Come celebrate a decade of decadence. Cervantes Masterpiece, Denver

“Becoming Van Gogh,” Thru Jan. 20

With over 70 individual pieces, compiled from all over the world, the unorthodox development of how Vincent Van Gogh became a groundbreaking painter is on display here in Denver. Denver Art Museum, Denver

Boulder Martin Luther King Jr. Day Birthday Celebration, Jan. 21

Celebrate the birth of one of the most inspirational individuals in the world—as well as MLK’s teachings of equality and universal love. Join the “Musical March,” have fun at the Human Rights Fair—and top it with a piece of Dr. King’s birthday cake: chocolate mousse with “freedom frosting.” University of Colorado, Boulder

Bloc Party, Jan. 22

Armed with some of the emotional heft found in U2 combined with the lyrical earnestness of Coldplay, Bloc Party garnered lots of acclaim from both fans and the fickle indie pop press when it first dropped Silent Alarm in 2005. With the band’s guitar-anchored sound back in play with the release of Four last year, now’s the time to prove that these guys sound better than Franz Ferdinand. Ogden Theatre, Denver

8th Annual Back Country Film Festival, Jan. 24

From delivering environmental messages to showcasing beautiful landscapes across the world—snow-covered mountaintops in Japan, a dangerous trip across Alaska’s picturesque landscapes, breathtaking views of the Andes—this fest will show you nature in its multitude of forms. Oriental Theater, Denver

Love in the Circus with Funkma$ter, Jan. 28

Love in the Circus brings a beautiful psychedelic love story to life on stage—with a jazzy soul that can almost reach out and touch the audience. It’s partnered up with one-man-band Funkma$ter. Not to be missed. Cervantes Masterpiece, Denver


Gettin‘ Jimmy Wit It

Photo by Rick Diamond, The Carter Center

President Obama may not support widespread cannabis legalization . . . but former President Jimmy Carter sure does! During a recent interview with Barbara Walters on 20/20, the 39th President of the United States said he approved making the plant legal. “I’m in favor of it. I think it’s OK,” Carter said. He went on to describing Colorado and Washington, the country’s first two states to legalize cannabis for adults 21 and over, as “experiment states.” This should come as no surprise to fans of the former of Commander in Chief—Carter’s been pro-leaf for decades; he advocated for decriminalization during the 1970s. In a 1977 message to Congress, the former president said, “Marijuana continues to be an emotional and controversial issue. After four decades, efforts to discourage its use with stringent laws have still not been successful.” Tell it like it is, Jimbo!


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Photo by Marc Hom

Wiz Khalifa is relishing the spotlight with the success of his most recent album, O.N.I.F.C., which debuted at No. 2 on the Billboard Top 200 Albums chart. The Pittsburgh-based rapper and noted cannabis connoisseur—who graced the cover of CULTURE’s 4/20 issue in 2011—is also nominated for two Grammy Awards for his collaboration with Snoop Dogg and Bruno Mars on the song “Young, Wild & Free” and his appearance on Maroon 5’s “Payphone.” Since debuting his first major-record album in 2011, Wiz has seen a meteoric rise to fame. The Pittsburgh City Council even declared Dec. 12 to be “Wiz Khalifa Day.” The rapper showed his gratitude in a simple Tweet: “I also wanna thank the city of Pittsburgh for making 12-12 “Wiz Khalifa Day” in the burgh.”


Chuck Shepherd

News of the


; Plastic surgeons in Turkey and France told CNN in November that mustache implants have suddenly surged in popularity as Middle Eastern men use their increased lip bushiness to convey power and prestige. Surgeons extract follicles from hairier parts of the body in procedures that cost the equivalent of around $7,000 and show full results in about six months. An anthropology professor told CNN that, by tradition in Arab countries, a man of honor would “swear on my mustache,” use mustaches as collateral for


loans, shave off a vanquished foe’s mustache as a reward and gravely insult enemies with “Curse be upon your mustache!”


; Yes, This Is Really How They Do It: The Wolong Panda Training Base in Sichuan, China, released a series of photos to China Daily in October to mark the graduation from captivity, and into the wild, of the 2-year-old Tao Tao. Sure enough, Tao Tao and his mother, Cao Cao, were shown frolicking in the woods, accompanied by trainers each dressed in

full-length panda suits, including panda heads, as they appeared to demonstrate climbing trees and searching for food.


; At the religious festival of Pon, thousands of Muslims travel to Gunung Kemukus, on Indonesia’s main island of Java, to have the required sexual intercourse with a stranger. The experience, which supposedly brings good fortune, has become heavily commercialized, but nevertheless, about half the participants are “pure,” in that no money changes hands. More than a quick tryst is involved, according to an October Global Mail dispatch. The pilgrims must first pray, then bathe themselves, then select their proper stranger, then bathe themselves afterward (carefully saving the water for later re-use) and finally return seven times at 35-day intervals to refresh their ritual. ; According to testimony in Perth, Australia, in November, one retired priest, Thomas Byrne, 80,

bit off the ear of another, Thomas Smith, 81, in a brawl over a parking space. Father Byrne and Father Smith are residents of the same retirement home in the Perth suburb of Dianella. ; For centuries, some residents of India’s Madhya Pradesh state have allowed themselves to be trampled by garishly dressed animals in periodic attempts to have their prayers answered. The November Ekadashi (the 11th day of certain months of the Hindu calendar) this year began with prayers, followed by the liquoring up of the animals (cows in Ujjain and buffaloes in Bhopal, for example) to “remove their inhibitions,” according to a WebIndia123 report. Even so, according to local press reports, hardly anyone ever gets hurt.


; Things People Believe: (1) Personalities are heavily influenced by blood types, according to the Japanese. People with Type A blood are thought to be “sensi-

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tive perfectionists and good team players, but over-anxious,” according to a November BBC News dispatch, while Os are “curious and generous but stubborn.” Some industries market blood-typespecific products ranging from soft drinks to condoms. (2) Names given by their parents heavily influence a person’s fortunes in life, according to many Thais, but that means relief from misery is just an official name-change away, according to a November Wall Street Journal dispatch from Bangkok. Services-for-fee are available to help find prosperous names, with one smartphone application suggesting five for the equivalent of about $10. ; Saudis Remain FreedomChallenged: (1) In September, officials in Jeddah detained 908 female Nigerian visitors who were not accompanied by appropriate male guardians as required for all females in the kingdom under age 45. (Women older than that are allowed merely to carry notarized permission slips from husbands, sons or brothers.) That the Nige-

rians were in the country only to make the required Muslim Hajj pilgrimage did not deter Saudi authorities. (2) Saudi immigration officials in November began a text-messaging service to notify husbands if a woman attempts to leave the country (at an airport or across a border) without the official “yellow sheet” authorizing her departure. ; Update: Japanese and Chinese traditions absolutely reject the idea of reusing wooden chopsticks, and for many years Japan’s (and then, China’s) forests easily met chopstick demand. But Japan requires 23 billion pairs a year, and China 63 billion, which the wood industry (even China’s) eventually could not provide. In 2011, Korean-born Jae Lee built a factory in Americus, Ga., near forests of poplar and sweet gum trees that proved the ideal combination of softness and hardness for the sticks. In 2011 and early 2012, he supplied Japanese, Chinese and Koreans with 20 million pairs of “Made in U.S.A.” chopsticks every week. (In June, Georgia Chop-

sticks LLC was inexplicably closed by court order, even though its sales had remained brisk.)


; Police were seeking a 6-foot-3 man concerning an attempted child-abduction in November after a father intervened as the man led the father’s 2-year-old daughter toward an exit of the Fashion Square mall in Charlottesville, Va. The father alerted Fashion Square’s security, and the cops took the man into “custody,” which turned out to mean escorting him off the property and warning him not to return (catch and release?). ; Questionable Product Launches: (1) The Demeter Fragrance Library (maker of such “classic” scents as “Dirt,” “Crayon” and “Laundromat”) has added to its line with “Sushi” cologne, reported the website in November. Fortunately, the scent is not that of raw fish, but “cooked sticky rice,” seaweed, ginger and lemon essences. (2) A company called Beverly Hills Caviar recently

installed three vending machines in the Los Angeles area that sell nothing but varieties of caviar (ranging from pink mother of pearl ($4) to Imperial River Beluga ($500 an ounce).


; “In beautiful La Jolla Cove,” wrote The New York Times in November, describing the cliffside-vista community near San Diego, “art galleries and coffee shops meet a stretch of unspoiled cliffs and Pacific Ocean”—unspoiled, that is, until recently, when seagulls took over. Now, because of California’s showcase environmental regulations, use of the cove has been restricted, and cleaning the bird droppings from the land is subject to a permit-application process that might take two years. Some residents profess not to mind (“Smells just like the ocean,” said one, “but maybe a little ‘heightened’”) while others are appalled (“As soon as we pulled up, it was like, this is awful”). Even though the smell grows “more acrid by the day,” according to the Times, residents’ and visitors’ only


short-term hope is for cleansing by the traditional winter rains (which, fortunately, do not require California permits). ; In 2011 only 75 worldwide shark attacks on humans were reported, with only 12 fatal, yet researchers writing recently in the journal Conservation Biology found that about 60 percent of all media reporting about sharks emphasized just the serious dangers that human swimmers face. By contrast, only about 7 percent of the reports were focused on shark biology or ecology, though the sorry state of shark survival would seem more important, in that an estimated 26 million to 73 million sharks are killed annually from the harvesting of their fins.


; Update: There was no one more different from us than Dennis Avner, last reported here in 2005. Having transformed his body through surgery, tattoos and implants, he had almost


completely adopted the persona of a cat (“Stalking Cat,” as he was known in the body-modification community). Mr. Avner had tiger-stripe tattoos covering most of his body, dental implants sharpened to points to resemble tiger teeth and metalstud implants around his mouth to hold his long, plastic whiskers. Ear and lip surgery had made his head more catlike, and special contact lenses made his eyes appear as ovals. Mr. Avner passed away in Las Vegas in November at the age of 54, reportedly of suicide. ; Maturity-Challenged: Attorney Thomas Corea of Palmer, Texas, was indicted in August for four felonies related to misuse of clients’ trust accounts, and in October a panel of the State Bar of Texas voted to revoke his license. He apparently did not take the news well. On Oct. 31 (according to a judge’s later findings), Corea vandalized his rented law office, resulting, said the landlord’s representative, in “complete destruction,” with

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“penis graffiti on every single wall throughout the building,” with the representative’s name written next to several of the penises. Furthermore, at the November sentencing hearing, the judge had to admonish Corea to stop making faces in the courtroom.


; Rookie Mistake: Joseph O’Callaghan, 31, was sentenced to nine years in prison by a court in Belfast, Northern Ireland, in November for having robbed an armored-car guard in 2011. He had made off with the guard’s cashbox, but since he had accosted the guard on his way into Northern Bank, and not on his way out, the box contained no money.


; For two months, up to Nov. 20, the water company serving Johnville, Quebec, had left standing a utility pole even after the Quebec highway department had rebuilt Highway 251

to a location that left the pole squarely in the middle of the new two-lane street (which thus became a popular sight for fans of incompetence). Fortunately, during the two months, no accidents around the pole were reported. (2) A 35-year-old man was shot to death in Wilkinsburg, Pa., in September when he took a break from a game of dominoes on a second-floor balcony around 11 p.m. and urinated over the rail. Unfortunately, an unidentified man was walking below. He yelled, “Yo! Yo!” and fired several gunshots, killing the urinator. ; (2) Donna Giustizia lobbied the city of Vaughan, Ontario, in November to chop down all the oak trees in the vicinity of Stephen Catholic Elementary School, claiming that her children and others like them with nut allergies were in danger. She mentioned especially their “anxiety” from even glimpsing acorns on the ground and suggested that the allergic children could be easily bullied by acornwielding classmates.


; (3) In a parental-involvement program with 70 public schools and Walgreen Co., the City of Chicago announced in October that it would give previously uninterested parents $25 gift cards just to come by the schools to pick up their kids’ report cards.


; The Lost Art of Cuddling: (1) At the recently opened Soineya “cuddle cafe” in Tokyo, men buy hugging privileges (but no “sex” allowed!) with young women from 20 minutes to 10 hours at prices (gratuity optional) ranging from the equivalents of $40 to $645, with surcharges for special services (e.g., foot massages, resting heads in each other’s laps). (2) The Deluxe Comfort Girlfriend Body Pillow, which began as a boutique-only niche product, recently became available at and at around $25. The bolster-like, cuddling-enabled pillow is augmented with two strategically placed mounds and


a snuggle-up arm hanging to the side. (There’s also an Original Soft and Comfy Boyfriend Pillow, without the mounds.) ; “You have wrinkles,” the inquiring customer was told, “and your left cheek is larger than your right,” explained “Tata,” the Bangkok-born woman who recently opened a salon in San Francisco to employ the supposedly traditional Thai art of faceslapping. Frown lines and droopy skin are curable with a 10-minute regimen of well- placed whacks across the cheek (and payment of the $350 fee), Tata told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer in October. Masochists are warned that Tata deals in therapy, not punishment. “If you want someone to hit you, go on Craigslist.”


; Among the “Ig Nobel” prizes awarded to earnest academics in September by the Annals of Improbable Research was the one to Patrick Warren and colleagues who delved into excruciatingly

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detailed predictions (at the behest of a cosmetics firm) about how someone might ultimately look with a ponytail, based on hair characteristics. The team took into account the stiffness of the strands, the effects of gravity and the random curliness or waviness in the hair in a set formula to compute a “Rapunzel Number” for each head. Explaining his particularized work to reporters, Dr. Warren acknowledged (perhaps with underestimation), “I’ve been working on this for a long time.”


; While the U.S. recently nearly elected a multimillionaire as president, Uruguay’s chief executive, Jose Mujica, declared his personal wealth in 2010 as the equivalent of about $1,800 and gives away 90 percent of his $12,000 monthly presidential salary in order to remain true to his political roots with the leftist guerrilla group Tupamaros. He has rejected the government-

provided mansion and instead lives with his wife at her family’s farmhouse, where he helps work the land, according to a November BBC News profile from Montevideo. “I have to do (this),” he told a reporter, “because there are many Uruguayans who live with much less.” ; Financial advisers charge the big bucks because of their sophisticated understanding of money and markets—or maybe because they know how the stars align. A September Marketplace radio program highlighted the newsletters of “financial astrologers” Karen Starich and former Merrill Lynch stock trader Arch Crawford (who left the trading floor because, apparently, astrology is more lucrative). About 300 traders pay $237 a year to learn what Starich knows about Neptune and Saturn, and Crawford’s 2,000 subscribers (at least a few of which prefer receiving copies in unmarked wrappers) learned that any new business venture goes south when Mercury is in retrograde.



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