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50

Skinny

Bitch

Lisa Lampanelli is hot and bothered!

16 Is Your Medicine Clean? You may be surprised to find out what’s on your green.

20 High and Mighty CULTURE sits down with the four most influential cannabis-growers.

24 The Regal Reign Jinkx Monsoon is takin’ the country by storm.

28 A New Perspective John Huntington has been to hell and back, and he’s grateful for every moment.

32 Dead Like Me Misfits’ legendary rocker Doyle opens up to CULTURE.

ON THE COVER: Photo by Anthony Coppa

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departments 8 Letter from the Editor

Progress is on the horizon; look up.

News Nuggets

Cannabis makes headlines here, there, everywhere—and we give you the scoop— PLUS our latest By the Numbers.

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Profiles in Courage

Our latest feature provides insight into the life—and struggle— of a medical cannabis patient.

Strain, Edible & concentrate Reviews

Our ever-popular sampling of amazing strains, edibles and concentrates currently provided by your friendly neighborhood dispensary.

Cool Stuff

From ColorVue Crazy Lens contacts to The Bartender’s Toolbox, if it’s a cutting-edge product or cool lifestyle gear, we’re all over it.

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Destination Unknown

Vietnam’s Central Highlands—the anti-tourist dream vacay.

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Recipes

It’s time to snuggle up with some hearty autumn eats and warm tasty treats.

The green scene

Ready for Oktoberfest? We’ve got you covered.

Entertainment Reviews

The latest films, books, music and more that define our culture.

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66 | LET’s do this 72 | NEWS OF THE WEIRD

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GET YOUR CLICK HERE

letter from the editor

www.iReadCulture.com

Vol 5 IssUE 4

CULTURE Publisher

Jeremy Zachary

Editor-In-Chief

Look Up Finding peace in the harvest season “I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream…” –Vincent Van Gogh Looking up at the Harvest Moon, we are reminded of our delicate humanity and natural lives on this planet. It is the season for harvesting, and for reaping the rewards of a fruitful summer. Let this month inspire you to revel in all you’ve done since the last Harvest Moon. Take in all the accomplishments you’ve done, all the growth you have had. Now, take a deep breath and feel satisfied by all this. You deserve it. As a community, we deserve to feel pride—just look at the headway we’ve made over this last summer season. The federal government is growing, getting smarter and more considerate, in regards to our rights for natural relief with cannabis. Larger groups of conservatives are joining the—once thought of as edgy—fight for our freedoms, and the world as a whole is starting to see the cannabis reforms as a beneficial and stimulating action for our society and economy. In the days of alcohol prohibition, back in the early 1900s, the issue was a hotly debated topic, and went back and forth with the government and the citizens for over ten years. The lack of a solid popular consensus for the alcohol ban resulted in the growth of many criminal organizations, including mobs, gangs and mafias. Because of the disapproval by many, of this prohibition, disregard for laws went widespread, and created a chasm between the government, law officials and the citizens. Alcohol prohibition didn’t last long. We are at a crossroads now, with cannabis prohibition, and the solutions are naturally taking shape right before our eyes. In the depth of this recession, republicans, democrats and independents are all starting to come forward in seeing cannabis legalization as a saving grace for our economy, our health and our national community. There will be setbacks and injustices, but they are making us stronger as a community. With everyone’s efforts together, we’ll be all the better for them. Take a moment to look up at that harvest moon, and feel the progress we’ve made. It is nearly time to bask in its glow and be thankful, as we see the fruits of our labor taking shape. c

Sincerely, Evan A. Senn

Editor-In-Chief

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Evan Senn

Managing Editor Byron Graham

Arts & Entertainment Editor Ashley Bennett

Editorial Contributors

Dennis Argenzia, Omar Aziz, Ngaio Bealum, Sarah Bennett, David Burton, Michael Carlos, Grace Cayosa, Jasen T. Davis, Alex Distefano, David Downs, James P. Gray, Victor Hussar, Lillian Isley, David Jenison, Robin Johnson, Carl Koslowski, Liquid Todd, Kevin Longrie, Meital Manzuri, Sandra Moriarty, Damian Nassiri, Keller O’Malley, Tommy Purvis, Paul Rogers, Jeff Schwartz, Joy Shannon, Lanny Swerdlow, Arrissia Owen, Simon Weedn

Photographers

Steve Baker, Gregory Cannon, Kristopher Christensen, Michael Gifford, John Gilhooley, Khai Le, Ryan Mazrim, Kim Sidwell

Interns

Dulce Balandran, Kim Johnson, Derek Obregon

Art Director

Steven Myrdahl

Graphic Designers

Vidal Diaz, Tommy LaFleur

Director of Sales & Marketing Jim Saunders

Regional Manager Kim Cook

Account Executives

Jon Bookatz, Gene Gorelik, Justin Marsh, Beau Odom, John Parker, Paulina Porter-Tapia, Dave Ruiz, April Tygart

Office Manager Iris Norsworthy

Office Assistant Jamie Solis

Social Media Manager Jamie Solis

IT Manager

Serg Muratov

Distribution Manager Cruz Bobadilla

Culture® Magazine is published every month and distributes 40,000 papers at over 1,000 locations throughout Colorado. No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other matter within may be reproduced without written permission. Culture® Magazine is a registered trademark of Southland Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. 300 Center Drive #220 Superior | Colorado | 80027 Phone 888.694.2046 | Fax 888.694.2046 www.iReadCulture.com

CULTURE® Magazine is printed using post-recycled paper.

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THE STATE New Telluride regulation favors cannabis supporters

The city of Telluride will be seeing a prominent cannabis culture shift beginning in in the next few months. Adults 21 and over, located in Telluride, will be able to enter any cannabis shop in town and make a purchase without a medical cannabis card. “Our county passed Amendment 64 with highest percentage of support [in the state]. So, I’m all for having retail [cannabis] in town,” said Council member Kristen Permakoff in an interview with Telluride News. The new ordinance also includes an opportunity for the town’s current medical cannabis dispensaries to transition into retail stores. They will also be allowed to operate as dual retail and medical facilities under certain conditions. The new regulation will also allow cultivation in commercial buildings, while imposing a restriction keeping retail cannabis shops a minimum of 500 feet away from schools. The new regulation will be put into effect in 2014.

to continue to do business while recreational entrants are temporarily banned, according to Forbes. Recreational cannabis stores will be able to acquire licensing to open dispensariers this January and will last until February 2016. Current medical cannabis storefronts are to be located 1,000 feet away from any school, child care center, drug or alcohol treatment center and other cannabis related businesses. Even with the limited opportunity of restricted advertisement and increased licensing fees, the cannabis industry is looking on Denver’s newfound regulations as guidelines from other states in the future. Michael Elliot, Director of the Medical Marijuana Industry Group, comments on the ordinance’s rules. “As a new industry, we recognize and accept the responsibility to ensure responsible use by adults and to keep this product away from minors.” he states. “We look forward to continuing to work with the city to meet those shared goals.”

help in the reduction of seizures. After attempting over 25 different treatments for her child, May is now fighting for legislation to allow cannabis to be made available for medical use, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. Medical cannabis is illegal in Utah, however May’s efforts have organized other like-minded parents to begin advocating for children suffering from epilepsy. May states that after years of being prescribed a number of prescription drugs, there are few options left for her child. She stumbled upon the cannabis trail through reading an article about Colorado’s famous child advocate, Charlotte, whose amazing progress after using cannabis has reduced her seizures from 300 a week to just one. The Epilepsy Association of Utah supports May’s push and notes the medical value of extracting cannabidiol from the cannabis plant for people with epilepsy. In the past, Utah’s legislative heads have consistently

turned down any measure to legalize medical cannabis, saying that a lack of credible research being a main reason. Currently, possession of less than an ounce of cannabis can incriminate a six month jail time and $1,000 fine. However pharmaceutical company GW is running tests on a cannabis strain that is high in cannabidiol (CBD) that can significantly help patients suffering from epilepsy.

New Jersey State Senate amends aspects of medical cannabis law

The New Jersey State Senate amended New Jersey governor Chris Christie’s recently vetoed medical cannabis law, according to The Tampa Tribune. The amended law now allows medical cannabis to be given to sick children as well as allowing farmers to grow more than three strains of medical cannabis. In the case of children, a pediatrician and psychiatrist must sign to give medical cannabis to patients. Governor Christie released a statement saying he supports the medical cannabis measure to include children with serious illnesses. The current measure requires a child to see a minimum of three doctors before being prescribed medical cannabis. However once the measure is

THE NATION Utah mom seeks cannabis for her son

Jennifer May is making headlines in Utah as she fights for the health and well-being of her 11-year-old son, who has a form of epilepsy called Dravet Syndrome. She is to be prescribed medical cannabis to

Denver creates a cannabis cartel, improving MMJ regulations

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passed, a child must only see one doctor to get the prescription. Governor Christie also realized the importance that certain strains of medical cannabis can be more or less effective in treating symptoms for patients. Unfortunately, New Jersey still does not allow strains high in non-psychoactive cannabinoid (CBD) and low THC to be sold or purchased.

THE WORLD Mexico City looking to end violence with cannabis legalization

Mexico City is currently debating legalizing medical cannabis through the creation of private clubs,

according to The Huffington Post. A three-day forum was held in the capital to discuss possible solutions to the region’s drug trafficking problem. Councilwoman Esthela Damian of the Democratic Revolution Party presented several proposals at the meeting, including an increase in the number of cannabis plants per person to three and the possibility of non-profit cannabis clubs. Even former President Vicente Fox cited the legalization of cannabis as a possible solution to end the violence. Councilman Vidal Llerenas, who is a participant in drafting the medical cannabis bill, also weighed in on the issue, praising Washington’s law that allows anyone 21 and over to own and use, as well as the recent progress in Uruguay. However, he feels that realistically, the bill “would be something like in the Netherlands where consumption and possession are not penalized.” It’s no secret that the Mexican government has faced harsh violence over recent years due to drug cartels. Councilwoman Damian however is arguing that with the proper registration and organization, private cannabis clubs are a feasible idea for the future of Mexico City.

by the numbers

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The age, in years, of a Utah youth, whose mother is helping to launch a legislative initiative to legalize a liquid form of medical cannabis in Utah: 11 (Source: Standard-Examiner)

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Number of increased patients in Colorado over the summer, up from 2,475: 109,292 (Source: Denver Westword)

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The percent of cannabis that Colorado dispensaries must grow themselves in order to sell them, until 2014: 70 (Source: Forbes)

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The cost in dollars, for a tour through Jamaican cannabis farms, including samples: 50 (Source: The Associated Press) 12 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

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The percent of Americans that had tried cannabis in 1985 vs. the percent of Americans have tried cannabis today: 33 vs. 38 (Source: The Huffington Post)

The amount, in percent, that cannabis users increased— ages 50-54—since 2002: 3.8 (Source: The Huffington Post)

The number of minors who are on the medical cannabis registry: 39 (Source: Denver Westword)

The number of plants allowed for a Colorado citizen to grow at home: 6 (Source: The Huffington Post)

The cost, in dollars, that Uruguay plans to sell legal cannabis—per gram—to compete with black market: 2.5 (Source: The Huffington Post)

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The fraction of sales tax revenue generated by the cannabis industry in the small city of Garden City, CO: 1/3 (Source: Aljazeera America)

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The amount of CBD vs THC, in parts, that the liquid form of medical cannabis used for Dravet patients has: 15 to 1 (Source: Standard-Examiner) The number of states that hope to have cannabis regulations to treat cannabis like alcohol by 2017: 10 (Source: Bangor Daily News)

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The number of signatures required to get the Sensible BC Marijuana Decriminalization Referendum onto the ballot in September 2014: 400,000 (Source: cannabisculture.com)

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The number, in years, it took for American attitudes about cannabis to zigzag from the paranoia of “Reefer Madness” to the excesses of Woodstock back to the hard line of “Just Say No:” 50 (Source: The Associated Press)

Cannafest Prague 2013 We Americans are proud to see the vast improvement that our cannabis communities have experienced over the past year—and we like to show our strides to the world with annual conventions like Kush Expo and Hempfest. However nothing compares to the world’s largest, renowned, international cannabis trade show—Cannafest. In its 4th year, Cannafest takes place in beautiful Prague, in the Czech Republic. The event invites both cannabis fans as well as industry professionals to gather in support of the latest innovations and trends in the industry. A whopping 150 exhibitors hailing from 17 different countries will populate the Prague Exhibition Grounds, from the newest in fertilizing and cultivation to your favorite cannabis publications. Cannafest will also bring together leading cannabis celebrities such as Howard Marks (aka Mr. Nice) with a book signing, as well as lectures by Professor Lumír Hanuš and a medical cannabis expert Liana Held. Such a diverse event will be the perfect opportunity for industry’s leading media educators and legalization supporters (including CULTURE) to continue doing what they do best—spreading the word about cannabis, cannabis lifestyle and its many beneficial properties.

IF YOU GO

What: Cannafest Prague. When/Where: November 8-10. Incheba Expo Prague Holesovice, Areál Výstaviště 67, 170 00 Prague, Czech Republic. Info: Check out www. facebook.com/Cannafest or en.cannafest.cz for more info.

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FLASH

Safety in Numbers Getting smart on clean By Jeff Raber

T

green

here are many different aspects of medical cannabis which touch both users and non-users in a variety of ways. From which product forms are available and utilized in which areas to which variety is going to be most helpful for a particular ailment. An issue that impacts both medical cannabis consumers and non-consumers is the legal structure and laws around the regulation of the production and distribution of these medications. Recently the Federal Department of Justice released a memo describing how it shall be a low priority to pursue marijuana cultivators and providers who are operating pursuant to state laws and are operating within a set of comprehensive regulations that both prevents problems and meets federal standards for the protection of public health. Unfortunately, many states have not formally established a well-defined, clear and easily interpretable set of laws and regulations that will provide a bright line of understanding to both law enforcement and the 16 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

cannabis community. As we have written previously about the potential for considerable exposure of pesticides via inhalation, where almost 70 percent of the pesticide present on the plant material could be exposed to a user’s lungs, the cannabis community has become quite concerned about pesticides being present in our medicine. In lab testing, we have observed that more than 10 percent of the samples tested have failed our pesticide screen. We’ve sampled in some smaller areas that have resulted in almost 30 percent of the samples being contaminated with a pesticide in our screen. To better understand what a patient might access, 15 different flower samples were collected anonymously from a variety of sources. These samples ranged in THC content from 1023 percent, with many of them reaching 19 percent or greater. Of these particular samples six percent failed our pesticide screen. This corroborates an existing hypothesis that 10 percent

You are what you eat of the overall samples being contaminated with pesticides as concentrates and waxes are observed at a higher rate of failure than flowers. With some areas’ current position of “no pesticides being currently allowed for use on cannabis,” we have adopted a sensitive and broad-based screening methodology. We look for 30 different pesticides and chemical residues at levels that have been calculated based on current EPA allowable daily intake limits for use on other ingestible products. The two most prevalent chemicals we find are the plant growth regulator paclobutrazol and the pyrethoid insecticide bifenthrin. It is important to note that a pesticide pass or failure is only indicative of the pesticides looked for by the laboratory using that particular methodology. Considering one in 10 products a patient acquires from a dispensary will contain a pesticide or plant growth regulator, it is imperative that patients start seeking safety tested medications. Producers and providers need to remember they have a responsibility to everyone who may potentially consume their medicine. It is only right to ensure all of our medicine is clean and free of contaminants, and as a community we can demand that it is done properly. c

The July deaths of 23 Indian children from what authorities are calling pesticide-tainted school lunches have raised questions about insectkilling chemicals used overseas and at home. The children died after eating a free meal of rice, potatoes and soy. It was thought to contain an organophosphate insecticide, according to an official involved with the ongoing investigation. Investigators found a container of pesticide in the school’s cooking area, according to The Associated Press, and said the rice might have been tainted and improperly washed. A cook said oil used to prepare the meal looked unusual, but that she was told by the principal to use it anyway. Organophosphates are used widely around the world and are the most common pesticide in the U.S., with an estimated 73 million pounds of the chemical sprayed on American crops in 2001, according to the National Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


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BUZZ

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Over the last few decades, growing cannabis as well as publishing cannabis books was more than illegal, it was a borderline revolutionary act—tantamount to creating the Anarchist Cookbook. But over the last 15 years, mainstream America has veered toward embracing cannabis cultivation’s visionaries. Below, CULTURE chats with some of the growing industry’s biggest names and revels in their innovation and determination.

DJ SHORT Celebrity grower DJ Short has made himself a household name with Blueberry and Flo, two iconic strains that have led to endless crosses including industry blockbuster Blue Dream. What was the first cannabis plant you grew? DJ Short: Seeded Hawaiian. I put a whole bud with probably 10 or 15 seeds in it in a little sprout dome that came in a box of breakfast cereal. They all just sort of sprouted and off they went. Didn’t know about budding, didn’t know about flowering, just grew these bigass plants. You said you gave away your trade secret Blueberry? DJ Short: Ya, and Flo. I open sourced it . . . In 1982, I knew the value of my seed collection. And I told my mother in the mid ‘80s, ‘Mom, I’m gonna be famous from this.’ Do people recognize you in the grocery store? DJ Short: Sometimes . . . I don’t promote me. I love being able to walk into a dispensary and have nobody know who I am.

DANNY DANKO Russia-born senior cultivation editor of High Times Danny Danko is the author of numerous bestselling books and host of the Free Cannabis podcast. Tell me about growing ganja in New York City for the last 18 years. Danko: Growing in a city like New York is not easy. You don’t want anyone to know what you’re doing because you’re basically prey to people who want to rob you. I mean you can have all the odor control in the world, but when it’s harvest time and you’re trimming five pounds of cannabis, it’s gonna smell, people are going to notice. So it’s difficult, but it wasn’t impossible. A lot of growers are worried about what legalization is going to do to the price of cannabis. Danko: I do think prohibition is doomed and I think the price of cannabis is going to plummet. It’s gonna cost pennies on the dollar, comparatively. We’ve already seen it in Colorado. And pretty soon it’ll be between $50 and $100 per ounce tops. How did you get the High Times gig? Danko: I started out just trying to get my foot in the door any way possible. I answered telephones and broke down boxes . . . When the cultivation reporter position opened up; it was a pretty natural fit.

The Blueberry strain is without a doubt one of the most popular cannabis hybrids available in seed form today. The history of the strain takes us back to the West Coast in the 1970s, where DJ Short was working on a multitude of exotic hybrids and growing experiments from places like Colombia, Panama, Mexico and Thailand. Short applied his talented green thumb to breeding and created new floral lines using three exotic plants he had discovered. Soon enough he established his two best known strains; namely Blueberry and Flo. Short created the Blueberry by crossing the earlier lines to Juicy Fruit/ Afghani plant hybrids. This means that there is a little of two sativa mothers in the Blueberry. Short, himself, explained that some traits were more accessible through the Purple Thai, while others could be found by further crossing the plant to the Juicy Fruit Thai hybrid. The Original Blueberry was bred towards an indica expression although a more sativa dominant plant was also worked on and later refined into what we today know as the Blueberry Sativa.

ED ROSENTHAL Ed Rosenthal was born in the Bronx, New York in 1944, and after starting High Times magazine with Tom Forcade in ‘74, became a household name as a cannabis cultivator/educator, releasing what many have called the cannabis growing bible, Ed Rosenthal’s Cannabis Growing Handbook. Looking back on your career, what do you attribute your success to? Rosenthal: There are several things. I like telling people what to do. I have a lot of tenacity. I was also too dumb to realize what dangerous situations I’ve put myself in all my life by being open and available. Other people might have thought about the riskreward ratio in a different way, and I don’t scare easily. And I think I just give good advice because people keep buying my books. Also, there hasn’t been a lot of real meaningful competition. All these other writers who wrote for High Times went on to bigger and better writing careers. I guess I was too dumb to get out of it. It seems like a real revolutionary act to author these books back then. Rosenthal: I was in the Yippies and we moved from the Vietnam War to drug laws. When did you first cultivate cannabis? Rosenthal: ‘66, something like that. I lived in a big old apartment in New York that was limited to 320 watts. We were actually smoking leaves all the time. How does it feel to have been right all these years? Rosenthal: It’s not just me and it’s not just this issue. Everything the hippies stood for—issues of war and peace, the environment, food, civil rights—is coming to pass whether people like it or not. That’s the way it is.

JORGE CERVANTES George Van Patten “Jorge Cervantes” was born in Ontario, Oregon in 1953. His early love of plants led to a career as a cannabis grower and writer wherein he covered cultivation for High Times for 10 years and wrote what many consider the growing bible, Marijuana Horticulture: The Indoor/Outdoor Medical Grower’s Bible, which has been translated into six languages. You were a newspaper boy, and then a photographer and press operator, how did exposure to the media world affect your life? Cervantes: It helped immensely in my career because I understood how everything worked. I started self-publishing right at the beginning of the desktop publishing revolution. What was your first exposure to cannabis? Cervantes: Probably the movie Easy Rider when they all got stoned one night. My friend and I bought an ounce of Mexican dirt cannabis and four of us went in my car and we smoked it in my dad’s tobacco pipe. When did you first plant cannabis? Cervantes: In Mexico in ‘76. I just grew a little bit outdoors. It was no big deal then. Nobody cared so much. How does it feel to have been right about legalization? Cervantes: Vindicating. 100 percent. I had family members feel sorry for me and call me a criminal, that was the worst feeling. Now it’s much better and I’ve seen people back up and pretend they didn’t think that. What three traits were essential to your success? Cervantes: Always be true to yourself. Always. Trust yourself. Don’t give up. No matter what anybody says, they’re not talking about you, they’re talking about themselves. And work hard, because that’s the way it is. You get very little in the world because of luck. c

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BUZZ

You are a beautiful woman and man. What is your earliest memory of identifying as feminine? When I was a kid, as early as five years old, I used to wrap myself in a knitted afghan whenever I was at home, to look like Morticia Addams. There are actually numerous family photos with me in my DIY gown. Growing up and pursuing your career in theatre, was there a moment when you could have given up and gone a different path? If so, what made you stay on the path you are on now? When I was deciding on a college, I had to answer this question: Do I go to theater school and concentrate on spending my life as a performer/ actor; or, do I go to a liberal arts college to have a more reliable career focused on stability rather than passion? There wasn’t much money for me to go to college, so there was a touch of pressure on me to make the “responsible, right” choice . . . Ultimately, I decided to go for what I was passionate about, but my Plan B was to study English and become a teacher. Honors English was one of my favorite subjects in school, especially when we were studying Shakespeare. So, that’s where I’d be today if I weren’t doing this.

It’s

Monsoon Season! Jinkx Monsoon Queen

Rules Right

By Joy Shannon Who would have guessed that the narcoleptic, underdog, dark horse of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 5—Jinkx Monsoon—would have won the title of “America’s Next Drag Superstar!” Currently performing on Broadway in The Vaudevillians to excellent reviews, Jinkx has already used her drag superstardom to keep moving forward in the direction of her dreams. The Huffington Post recently reviewed Jinkx as a “real star” who is “show[ing] off talent that was only glimpsed at on Drag Race.” Jinkx first stole fans’ hearts early on during RuPaul’s Drag Race when she impeccably and hilariously portrayed the cult classic character Little Edie from the documentary Grey Gardens. During the show’s season, Jinkx weathered criticisms from the judges and her fellow drag queens—especially the pageant-oriented queens—for her quirky take on fashion. Jinkx’s memorable looks have always leaned toward vintage-inspired and character-driven, rather than high-fashion runway. When Jinkx accepted her crown as “America’s New Drag Superstar,” she declared that she would be an activist for marriage equality, which has proven to be an eventful fight across the country this past year. Jinkx recently spoke to CULTURE about everything about her childhood, the choices that led her to theatre and her medical cannabis use.

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Your mantra of “water off a ducks back” has become a charming catch phrase, yet it is also a meaningful mantra. When did you first start using this mantra? My drag sister Robbie said it to me when I first started working a lot in Seattle, and I faced a lot of criticism from other queens in the area who, for whatever reason, were extremely competitive and critical of me. Robbie said, “Whatever, it’s just water off a duck’s back.” That mantra (which helped me through the rougher parts of RuPaul’s Drag Race) means that I take in notes and critiques, learn what I can from them by separating my emotion from the notes, and let go of any negativity I sense and take the good from all of what I get. I always try to remember, it’s not about me, it’s about the work. At the end of your career, what would you like to have accomplished? I hope I will be recognized as a true artist in my field, and I hope I will leave a positive and substantial impact on my community. What are your thoughts about medicinal cannabis legalization in the US? I honestly think it’s silly that alcohol is legal and cannabis isn’t. As one who uses medicinal cannabis for my narcolepsy, I can tell you that, when I’m drunk, I act coo-coo banana crackers. But when I’ve smoked, I’m still me . . . just relaxed. Alcohol is, to me, much more destructive, and cannabis is much more therapeutic. And that’s what I think about that. c

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BUZZ

Transform | Transcend By David Jenison

W

hat happens in Vegas might stay in Vegas, but that is not always true for the people who make these things happen. John Huntington is the Sin City icon behind the Hart & Huntington Tattoo Company (of A&E’s Inked fame) and party events like Club Rubber, the Pimp ‘N Ho Ball and the Summer of Love pool parties. Not even the economic downturn could stop him, but something else did, and it changed his life. “I was in Wyoming doing a DJ gig, and I started getting sick to my stomach, so I went to my doctor back in California,” says Huntington by phone from the Thai island of Koh Tao. “I had Minimal Change Disorder, which is when the walls of your kidneys flare out and you can no longer hold water. I was supposed to be in the hospital for a few days, but it turned into two and a half months. My body had turned against itself and blew out my kidneys. They had me on the oncology floor with all the cancer patients literally waiting for me to die. I am one of the few people who 28 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

John Huntington

survived this, and I reevaluated what I was doing with my life.” Huntington faced his own mortality and paid the price for years of partying and stress. Many years earlier, the California native worked at Club Med in Mexico and at a trance club in Holland, and in 1997, he used this experience to launch Club Rubber in So Cal. As the immensely popular club night expanded

to other venues, Huntington introduced what became his premiere event, Pimp ‘N Ho, where attendees dressed as pimps and prostitutes. The following year, he took the event to the Rio Hotel, one of the only Vegas casinos with a nightclub. Huntington’s Pimp ‘N Ho craze sold out the 10,000-person arena at the Mandalay Bay Hotel. This got the attention of the casino execs and helped ignite the party culture the city enjoys today. Huntington became a Vegas celebrity, but it

nearly cost him his soul. “You never know how much you want to live until you almost die,” he explains. “I have always been a swimmer, surfer, lifeguard and water polo player, and I decided to go back to being a waterman. I literally sold everything. I kept my tour bus, two surfboards and a spear gun. I dumped all my material binds. I wanted to live free again.” “I am now a fulltime instructor with Big Blue Diving,” he exclaims. “Koh Tao is 12 square kilometers with 54 dive schools, and we certify over half of the world’s international divers. It is a diving hub. I love my job, and I love paying forward the knowledge I have learned.” The experience has been transformative. While he believes his partypromoting days are behind him, he does have some big ideas for Big Blue Diving. “I am starting to work with them on merchandizing and getting into the TV game,” he explains. “My agency says there are a few networks interested in a show about changing my life and how anyone can do it [with a backdrop featuring] the dive industry, hot chicks in bikinis, partying and a beautiful island. [Wanting to do a show] is not about money. There is a story to be told. You can go from owning everything in Vegas to cutting it and living on an island or anywhere you want. If you are truly diligent, anything in life is possible.” c

A Reason to Believe

While the lifestyle change improved his health, Huntington notes that medical cannabis also played a role in his recovery. “I was sick to my stomach and couldn’t stop throwing up,” he explains. “A buddy snuck some [cannabis] oil [into the hospital], and it totally changed everything. It gave me my appetite back, stopped the stomach sickness and got me sleeping comfortably again. I didn’t know much about it medically until I was in the hospital. I am a huge believer now.” Healthy once again, Huntington pursues a Buddhist way of life and passionately references The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, a book about a high-powered New York attorney who sold everything and moved to Thailand to become a monk.

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tu n es

www.officialdoyle.com

Misfit Adventures Infamous

Doyle gets down and dirty with CULTURE

By Alex Distefano

T

he Misfits are a world renowned punk rock band with a cult-like following, that was formed in 1977 by bass player Jerry Only and singer Glenn Danzig. At the forefront of the horror punk movement and even foreshadowing a dark, monster-obsessed form of rock which would inspire many metal musicians, guitarist and brother of Jerry Only, Doyle joined the band at age 15 in the early ‘80s and has since been responsible for some of the most iconic guitar playing, on some of the Misfits classic material. With his signature corpse paint, Devils-lock and an arsenal of guitar riffs, Doyle is respected for his innovative, explosive mix of death punk rock-n-roll with the Misfits and his solo music, with the initial band Gorgeous Frankenstein and currently with his new musical project, simply titled Doyle. Doyle took time to speak with Culture recently, just

before his performance with Danzig as part of the special Danzig 25th Anniversary tour last month. This particular show was extra special; it was the very last concert to ever have occured at the legendary Gibson Amphitheater in Southern California. The venue will be converted to a new Harry Potter attraction in the near future. In terms of his newly anticipated solo album, entitled Abominator, Doyle said that he is on fire and very eager to share his music and tour to support the record. “The new album’s ready. It was out digitally, but comes out physically at the end of October,” Doyle said. “We’re all ready to go. I can’t wait.” Doyle said this project, which is a slab of punk and metal fury for fans of Misfits and Danzig, has been in the works for several years and aside from the album, Abominator, even more music is on the way. “We started writing in 2008, we had enough for two and

a half records,” he told Culture. “We recorded it all ourselves. The second one is almost finished, it will be out in the near future.” Although one might imagine that every day is Halloween for Doyle, he admits that he doesn’t always get the chance to celebrate it with his family. “Usually, on Halloween we’re on tour and I’m at a show working,” he said. “I wish I could at least take my kids trick or treating, that would be fun.” Among Doyle’s other ventures

include a non musical endeavor that is like a fiery assault on your taste buds. Doyle has his own brand of bottled hot sauce, known as Made In Hell. He told Culture that his secret is in adding nonconventional ingredients. “I tasted the [original recipe] and decided to add some spices I like,” he said. “I like spicy food and think it’s good, I hope people like it, I have a new one coming out soon as well, and that will be even hotter.” c

Health and Wellness Although Misfits is not known for being lumped in with the “stoner crowd,” Doyle said that he ultimately supports the freedom of people to use cannabis for recreational and medicinal purposes. The band was formed in the late ‘70s, in New Jersey, a state that now joins many other states in the country with similar laws regarding cannabis, with laws being passed in 2010. Doyle focuses his lifestyle on music, family and keeping physically fit. Doyle said that keeping in shape is the only way to live a lifestyle of live shows and constant touring. With his amazing physique, he insists he could do better. “I have been working out for 38 years man I should be looking a lot better than I do,” he said.

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The tables have been turned for the zookeeper! How does it feel to be gawked at by hundreds of primates while you’re stuck in a cage? Wear this costume anywhere and it’s sure to make everyone go bananas. ($199.99) www.costumesupercenter.com

When you and your honey show up to this year’s Halloween party, you’ll surely make some mouths water. Dressing as this classic breakfast duo will show that you really are the perfect pair. ($30-$60) www.orientaltrading.com

What better way to spend your holiday than by showing off your right to cannabis?! Whether you’re celebrating the current legislation that has passed or advocating for the rights to the 48 other states that haven’t yet come to their senses . . . this one is sure to win the costume contest. ($27.99) www.halloweencostumes.com

Celebrate two holidays with one costume—this Día de los Muertos sugar skull dress and tights make you look undead, complete with an adorable skeleton motif. Rock this costume, and you’re looking sexy and cute without giving it all away for free. ($49.99) www.halloweenexpress.com

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destination unknown Tantalizing

By Dennis Argenzia and Edengrace Cayosa

>

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Tay Nguyen

Vietnam’s South Central is rich with greenery, life and unspoiled eccentricites

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e are in a decrepit van, hurtling down open road. There are too many benches, several women vomiting into dangerously thin green plastic bags, a single aimless cockroach and a man dangling out of the open side door. Frequently, Dangly Man grabs someone outside the van, throws them inside, and vice versa, all with barely any deceleration in the van’s speed. However, the people are not angry; in fact, they pay him, as we have. We are on our way to Vietnam’s Central Highlands. This is our third trip to Vietnam, and we’ve already hit the big targets: Hanoi in the north, Ho Chi Minh in the south, Mui Ne and Nha Trang in the central coast, etc. Now, it’s time for traveler recommendations, and one traveler has said the golden words, “I heard the Central Highlands doesn’t get many foreign tourists.” Our adventure doesn’t cover all of the Central Highlands (which butts up against the borders of Laos and Cambodia), just the big three cities: Kontum, Buon Ma Thuot and Dalat. We arrive in Kontum covered in road dust and remarkably bruise-free. We are greeted by more road dust and virtually no tout. That traveler wasn’t joking: this place doesn’t get a lot of foreign tourists, probably

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because it isn’t obvious what you’re supposed to be doing here. Ah, but if you match curiosity with a hardy little motorcycle rental . . . oh the things you’ll see! Kontum is home to the Montagnards, a name that reflects Vietnam’s French Colonial past and a pretty moniker for the Degar indigenous minority group that often gets the crap end of any interaction with predominantly ethnic Vietnamese government. The Degar build distinct stilted structures called “rong” long houses, which are awesome for four reasons: 1) you have to climb up a notched tree trunk to get inside; 2) they have huge vaulted roofs; 3) they are still actively used for communal purposes; and 4) they are often locked because of too much “one-onone” use. And because the Degar are mostly Christian, you’re likely to see a cross marking the path to a “rong” long house. After a few indulgent days of off-road riding through orchards and stunning sunsets, it was time to move on, so we braved yet another exhilarating van ride to get to Buon Ma Thuot, the capital of the Central Highlands. While bigger than Kontum, Buon Ma Thuot was even less touristy, as this city gets its revenue from its famous coffee plantations, not tourism. There are package trips to Lak Lake and the Ede hill tribes outside the city, but we decided to keep it simple

and drop by the Dray Sap and Gia Long waterfalls instead. We definitely couldn’t leave Buon Ma Thuot without trying their legendary “ca phe sua da” or iced Vietnamese coffee with milk. If you like your coffee alpha strong with a diabetes-inducing amount of sugar, this stuff is instant addiction: a thick slurry of rich coffee drips into a glass cup containing ice and at least half an inch of sweetened condensed milk. Stir, sip and buzz for hours! Amped up on caffeine, we were ready for the final stop of our Central Highland trip: Dalat. Formerly a cool mountain retreat for wealthy French colonists escaping the heat and misery of Ho Chi Minh City, Dalat is still extremely popular with domestic tourists, especially couples. Here we witnessed the ultimate expression of kitschy Indochine love: plastic swan paddle boats in a man-made lake; re-imagined French gardens with topiaries shaped like teapots; a “Valley of Love” featuring giant elves-on-mushrooms. c

The Balanced Experience

The path to romance goes completely awry at the Hang Nga Crazy House. Do not visit this place if you have taken mind-altering substances. The Crazy House is what happens when an architect uses paintings instead of floor plans. It’s organic, filled with nooks, passageways and concrete animals, and a functioning guesthouse. Yet there is balance to all the bizarre—mellow cafes, fresh fruit and flower markets, scenic forest roads, Buddhist temples and serene Christian cemeteries—and balance is the secret to Dalat’s widespread appeal. We stayed for weeks. We end with a quick, disappointing green report. While marijuana is often craftily grown amidst legitimate Central Highland crops like coffee and corn, quality is generally poor. Better to spend your Vietnamese dong (ha ha) on potent coffee or a nice flavored shisha.

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profiles in courage

Are you an MMJ patient from Colorado with a compelling story to tell? If so, we want to hear from you. Email your name, contact information and details about your experiences with medical cannabis to courage@ireadculture.com.

WHY DID YOU START USING MEDICAL CANNABIS?  

I had just suffered a seizure (that caused me to fall and fracture my pelvis in three places), I was supposed to take something like . . . 6-10 different medications! It just seemed to be so much! But it was all the possible side effects from chemicals I had never even heard of that I could no longer subject my body to, and medical cannabis was the perfect solution!

DID YOU TRY OTHER METHODS OR TREATMENTS BEFORE CANNABIS?

Patient: Tonya Green

AGE: Condition/ Illness: 51 years young.

Severe nerve damage to my back L-1 to L-6, also severe anxiety and severe depression due to PTSD.

Using medical cannabis since: 2010

Yes, of course I did . . . isn’t that normal? I was prescribed this, that and every other pharmaceutical for my various aches and pains. But personally, when the prescription states that it “MAY CAUSE CANCER?” Enough was enough. Yes, I tried the “other methods” prescribed and I was highly disappointed. I’ve always preferred the natural approach, chemicals are scary . . . and the “possible side effects” totally freak me out.   

WHAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE OR PROBLEM FACING MEDICAL CANNABIS PATIENTS?

I think it is obvious to anyone concerned that the whole legality of our precious medical cannabis and our dispensaries are constantly in jeopardy. And it is upsetting in many ways. But I believe that knowledge is the key. I really believe in the many benefits of this herb which nature has given us.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO FOLKS WHO ARE SKEPTICAL ABOUT CANNABIS AS MEDICINE? I simply say, to each his own. c

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strain, edible & concentrate reviews GET YOUR CLICK HERE

www.iReadCulture.com

Golden Ganja Bar The Golden Ganja Bar from Discreet Treats is potent medicine that nevertheless would not look out of place on the rotating shelves of a fine bakery. With its swirling peanut butter and chocolate glaze pattern, the bar looks almost too pretty to bite into, until you do take a bite, and it proves too delicious to stop biting into. The Golden Ganja Bar’s ingredients include cereal, milk chocolate chips, marshmallows, crisp rice, peanut butter, medicated chocolate and, of course, love. The slight medical aftertaste is mild when you take into consideration that the Golden Ganja Bar contains 200mg of active cannabinoids. The Ganja Bar is best served in half-portions.

Critical Sensi Star Bow to the Critical Sensi! Available from the Secret Stash dispensary in Colorado Springs, the Critical Sensi Star is a heavy indica that will likely leave patients feeling like Silent Bob. This strain is a potent, pain-relieving, 90 percent indica, ideal for patients suffering from severe pain, anxiety and insomnia. Arriving in dense, compact buds that give off a light, earthy aroma, the Critical Sensi Star is best enjoyed ground up and smoked in a joint, perhaps in front of a convenience store with your chattier friend. Descended from Critical Mass crossed with Sensi Star, this strain is perfect for kicking back and having a marathon of Kevin Smith movies.

Rocky Mountain Fire Not to be confused with the actual fires that have devastated our state over the past few years, the Rocky Mountain Fire is a highly potent strain of cannabis. In this case “fire” refers to a common vernacular name for exceptionally high-quality cannabis rather than a natural disaster. Provided by Physician Preferred Products in Northglenn, the Rocky Mountain Fire happily smokes away in a glass pipe, burning down to a fine, white ash. The strain is indica dominant and provides strong pain relief, while leaving you surprisingly clear headed. The fat, crystal encrusted nuggets have a high THC content, potent enough to make a single bowl last several hours.

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SFV OG Kush Hot off the shelves of Good Meds Dispensaries, the SFV OG Kush is derived from San Fernando Valley Kush crossed with Ghost OG. With dense, fragrant buds that release the telltale OG funk when broken apart, the SFV OG is a strain that is meant to be savored and enjoyed. Grown with organic nutrients, hand-trimmed, and pretty to look at right out of the jar, the SFV has sativa tendencies and is ideal for patients seeking appetite stimulation and a zippy, cerebral buzz that won’t preclude accomplishing any unfinished tasks. Sativas, for example, are often the ideal motivator for an afternoon of housecleaning, or any creative endeavor. That’s right, despite what your school’s D.A.R.E. Program may have told you, cannabis can actually motivate you to complete tasks, and alleviate the tedium of scrubbing floors.

Crazy Train/Hawaiian OG

Hasheees Dark & Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

The Crazy Train/ Hawaiian OG has the crumbly-yet-sticky texture that I prefer in a BHO wax. The hybrid concentrate, which was processed by maestros at Colorado Concentrates, is available on the shelves of Doctor’s Orders in Denver. Perfect for properly equipped vaporizers, hash dab rigs and joints alike, The Crazy Train/ Hawaiian OG is a hybrid concentrate processed from its two namesake strains. While the sweet-tasting Hawaiian OG is the dominant flavor, the effects of the Crazy Train are evident once taken into the lungs. This hash has an immediate onset of sativa-like creativity, followed by the pain-relieving and anxiety reducing effects of an indica. Hybrids are ideal for patients who want to appreciate the full spectrum of what cannanbinoid medicine has to offer, and there a few finer examples than this concentrate.

Available from Tincturebelle in Colorado Springs, the Hashees Dark & Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups are a tasty way to get your cannabis relief. Made from scratch using natural peanuts, sugar and chocolate as ingredients, the Hashees Peanut Butter Cups are delicious, and have fewer harmful ingredients than your average candy bar. That means Hashees are gluten-free. All of that would be beside the point, however, if Hashees didn’t deliver the medical goods. With 200mg of active cannabinoids, there’s little doubt on that front. No butane is used to extract the hash that goes into making Hashees either. It’s refreshing to see a medible company put so much emphasis on the quality of their product. It doesn’t hurt that surprisingly crunchy little cups are so delicious either.

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Cinderella ’99 Sparkling Red Currant BGood Elixir from Dixie Elixirs Available on the shelves of BGood dispensary, the Sparkling Red Currant Elixir is a delicious way to medicate. Made with CO2 Oil processed from the buds at BGood, a fine neighborhood dispensary and then manufactured into drinks by Dixie Elixirs, who have come to dominate the medicinal cannabis drink market through aggressive expansion and quality control, the Sparkling Red Currant tastes more like an Italian soda than a cannabis-infused medicinal drink. Featuring 100mg of THC, the Elixir has a faster onset than most edibles. Patients who give into temptation and drink the entire bottle won’t be incapacitated, but it’s always a good idea to start with a smaller dose and drink more if the desired effects have not yet been achieved.

Cinderella ’99 is a go-to sativa strain available at most dispensaries. However, not all strains are created equal, nor are their names as reliable as advertised; this example of Cindy ’99 from the Wellness Center of Denver proves just that. This sample puts most other dispensaries to shame with its robust, trichrome-dusted nugs, sweet aroma and sweeter taste. The buds are so dense and huge that it’s almost a shame to break them up. The strain, which is 70 percent sativa in composition, offers brain-stimulating whimsy, appetite stimulation and pain relief. Cindy ‘99 has a long flowering period and requires a specific blend of high quality nutrients, which may be why so many other dispensaries are offering sub-standard buds and tarnishing the strain’s brand name. That’s why the care that Wellness Center of Denver puts into their cannabis is so dearly appreciated by area patients. We appreciate having a bag of Cinderella that doesn’t turn into a pumpkin at midnight.

Grape Stomper From the fine folks at Ivita Wellness, comes the Grape Stomper, yet another excellent strain available on the shelves of the uptown dispensary. With a heritage of Purple Elephant crossed with Chemdawg and Sour Diesel, the Grape Stomper offers a uniquely potent combo of physiological and psychoactive effects, all of them pleasant. On the flavor spectrum, the notes of grape nicely complement the Chemdawg/Diesel funkiness; a smell which is further unlocked in a grinder. Great for stimulating appetites and fueling creativity, the Grape Stomper is a wonderful all-day strain. Ivita Wellness has knocked it out of the park once again.

Jack’s Banana Cookies Jack’s Banana Cookies is a scrumptious BHO wax hash that contains flavor notes from each element of its curious name. Extracted from the buds of its parent strains, (Jack Flash crossed with Banana Kush and Girl Scout Cookies) no plant trim was included in the extraction. Flowers from Lightshade Labs dispensary in Denver, were processed by the Cannabis Cup award-winning Mahatma Extreme Concentrates to create a formidable combo of taste and relief. Lightshade is an outstanding dispensary that sponsors patientfriendly local events, such as a recent concert with the reigning kings of cannabis-fueled hip-hop, Method Man and Redman. Mahatma Extreme Concentrates is among the finest producers of hash in the entire state, and Jack’s Banana Cookies is from their Platinum Line, which is limited exclusively to their highest grade extractions. Boasting the finest products from the combined forces of Lighstshade and Mahatma, Jack’s Banana Cookies is quite simply the best of the best.

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White Chocolate Caramel Canna Cappucino For patients looking to simultaneously start off and end their day, the White Chocolate Caramel Canna Cappucino is a delicious treat with a serious medicinal wallop. Featuring 318mg of total active cannabinoids, the Cappucino is meant to be consumed in incremental doses, tempting as is to guzzle the entire 12 ounce bottle in a single, sugary gulp. Kindly provided by Solace Meds, the folks responsible for Chai High Tea, is powerful medicine in a coffee beverage that tastes quite like an iced caramel macchiato with a slight cannabis aftertaste. Perfect for patients who doubt the efficacy of edibles. The Canna Cappucino can also be stirred into a regular coffee beverage for discreet medicating.

Bubba Tom Hayes The Bubba Tom Hayes from Gaia Plant-based Medicine is a perfect staple strain. A true 50 percent indica 50 percent sativa hybrid, the Bubba Tom Hayes is ideal for patients seeking both types of relief while only purchasing a single strain. This strain has a 90-day flowering period; it grows like a sativa strain yet yields the denser nuggets one would expect of an indica strain. These observations would be little more than academic, however, if the Bubba Tom Hayes didn’t deliver medically. Fortunately, the strain follows through, and can be enjoyed throughout the day. This strain, which is the yield of a cross between Tom Hills Haze and pre-98 Bubba Kush, synthesizes the effects of its parent strains perfectly. Fruity notes of its Bubba Kush heritage are evident in the smell and structure of the buds, while its psychoactive effects have a sativa-like onset that fades like an indica.

Purple Alien OG 90u Fullmelt From the good folks over at River Rock Wellness, a Denver cannabis community mainstay, comes the Purple Alien OG Fullmelt Icewater extract. Processed from a blend of it parent strains, Mendocino Purps, Tahoe OG and Alien Kush, this hash provides strong and immediate couch-locking pain relief whether dabbed, vaporized or sprinkled over a bowl. Despite its heavy indica onset, the Purple Alien OG also produces a surprisingly clear-headed effect. Organically grown and extracted using only ice and water, the Purple Alien OG is filtered through a 90 micron screen to ensure purity and potency. Ideal for patients with severe pain, glaucoma, migraines and/or no elaborate afternoon plans.

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Girl Scout Cookies “The Original” Girl Scout Cookies, in addition to being a seasonal confection enjoyed by children and adults alike, is also a particularly tasty and potent strain of cannabis. Medicine Man Denver, who provided this sample, claims to have the original strain on its shelves. This indica dominant cross of F1 Durban Poison and OG Kush is delicious to be sure, but also offers the potent medicinal effects you’d expect from each of its parent strains. As always, the distinctive odor of OG Kush dominates the earthy smell of the Durban, but they both work in concert to provide a wonderful medicine for any patient. The strain offers serious pain relief, but also stimulates your appetite enough that medicated grocery-shopping is inadvisable, particularly during Girl Scout cookie season.

Venus OG The Venus OG is your fire and your desire. Available from Frosted Leaf Dispensary, this 80 percent sativa strain is seductive right from the jar, with the signature OG stank evident from across a room. The Venus OG’s bud structure is wispy with thin, snappy stems, which is characteristic of most sativa-dominant strains. With its creativity-inspiring effects, the Venus OG is perfect for stimulating appetites and relieving both migraines and boredom. Parent strains Tahoe Kush and OG Kush provide the Venus with its potent DNA, and solidify its Kush-like effects, which are stronger on the pain-relief front than many sativas. So head on over to Frosted Leaf, pick up some Venus OG and crank the Bananarama.

Hummingbird Nectar Fresh off the shelves of Altitude Organic Medicine in Colorado Springs, the Hummingbird Nectar from Native Roots Extracts is a sweet concoction sure to set your heart aflutter. Nectar concentrates are made from buds only, which mean no extraneous plant trim is included in the processing. It’s a more labor-intensive process which results in a purer, tastier concentrate. Featuring an artisanal small batch blend of selected strains, the Hummingbird Nectar is available in indica blend or sativa blend varieties. Perfect for hash dabs and appropriately outfitted vaporizer pens, the Hummingbird Nectar maintains its sweet flavor throughout, with no chemical aftertaste as it sizzles away.

Legal Disclaimer

The publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical cannabis concentrates. The reviews listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only when medical cannabis is not a violation of state law. Please consume responsibly. Under Colorado Constitution’s Article XVII and the Colorado Medical Marijuana Code, “medical marijuana” is considered any “usable form of marijuana” which is defined as “any mixture or preparation” from “the seeds, leaves, buds and flowers of the plant (genus) cannabis” that is appropriate for medical use. (Colo. Const. Article XVIII, Section 14)

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After toiling in obscurity on the stand-up circuit for a while, Lisa Lampanelli got her big break as a complete unknown (and the only female on the stage) at a Comedy Central roast of Chevy Chase and went on to make a name for herself as an insult comic at many a roast since. But now—after weathering a bumpy ride on the Celebrity Apprentice—the self-described “Queen of Mean” is ready to leave her comfort zone and is developing a one-woman show for Broadway. On her way to NYC she’ll be bringing her act all across the country, but this time she promises a whole new experience. “I’m doing standup, but it’s a 100 percent new show from the last time I was there,” Lampanelli says. “Since then I did Celebrity Apprentice. I also did weight loss surgery and I lost 107 pounds. I got married. So a lot’s happened since the last time I was there so it’s a brand new hour and change of material. 50 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

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The first time I really saw you, was on Celebrity Apprentice where—I have to say—you did not appear to be having a good time. It’s harder than you’d ever think. I mean you work 20 hours a day, six days a week. You pretty much have to contend with people who are just fucking stupid and I have no patience for anything like that. It’s a really tough show. It’s really hard. I mean if you take it seriously and want to win actual money for your charity—which I did. And after putting up with all that crap, how much did you end up winning for your charity? $120,000. After I took my 15 percent cut those fags got cured of AIDS! Would you do it over again? Oh God, no. It’s too hard. I’d rather just cut a check for the $130 grand myself. Do you think it was a positive thing for your career at least, if not your sanity? Oh no, it was positive, because I just got more well-known and the whole thing in this business is to reach more and more people. So that when you do something like this Broadway show that I’m going to do next year that people go “Oh I’ve heard of her and I want to go see her!” So yeah, overall it was definitely worth it. Your upcoming Broadway show is called Skinny Bitch? That’s the working title. When does it start? We’re work-shopping it around the country now and it’s tentatively scheduled for October 2014. What are you trying to achieve with the show and where are you at right now with it? Well, about three years ago, I got really bored with stand-up and I was like, wow, I can either do something new or I could just retire. So I got this idea that I wanted to do a show about my work with myself on co-dependency and food and weight trouble and decided to develop this show with Alan Zweibel, who wrote Billy Crystal’s one-person show for Broadway, so that kind of took off and producers liked the idea. And it’s great. It’s hilarious but it’s also about very real points so it’s really worth doing. And you are working with director John Rando who has done a lot of stuff both off and on Broadway. Yeah he’s ridiculous. It’s hard for me to believe that I’m working with him. He gets it. All it requires is for somebody to get you. So how long is this show exactly? And it’s all you, right? 90 minutes. Nobody wants to see somebody standing up and just talking for more than 90 minutes. I’m sorry. I don’t care how famous you are, nobody cares. 90 minutes is the limit for anybody. How close are you to being finished? Well it’s never really finished until it hits Broadway and you do previews but it’s pretty much in the order its gonna be in. Let’s put it that way. It’s almost a ticket-ready show. And you are doing your first scripted show—for the very first time— on Broadway. You’re not starting small here. It’s going to start on Broadway first and then I’m going to tour it around the country after that. That’s pretty huge. I assume this is your first time performing on the Great White Way? Oh yeah. Definitely. I mean after that I would love to do other stuff. Like I want to do every corny old-lady part that exists. [She laughs.] But I’ll wait for that. This first. OCTOBER 2013 • CULTURE 51


I gotta give you credit here for thinking big because this seems to me like a huge project to take on. You know what . . . [The new tour will be] exciting and different. It’s really bad to do something for 20-something years and then be bored and say “I don’t know what to do” so I’m really grateful that I even thought of it.

then do it. If you are doing it for the right reasons then go ahead.

Most creative people get bored, and that isn’t such a bad thing. It forces you to get off your ass and try something you probably wouldn’t have had the guts to try when you were humming along. Yeah. Enough is enough! You need a challenge.

Do you actively participate in social media? Oh sure, sure. To promote and put jokes out there but I don’t let what anybody says on Twitter bother me anymore because if you water yourself down to try and be liked by everybody nobody is going to like you.

How did you prepare for this show? I did a summer conservatory at Yale, for drama. It was great. Seriously I didn’t know it was going to be as much work as it was because it was about 14 hours of classes a day, five days a week. It was as much work as Celebrity Apprentice was but there was a bigger payoff because I actually learned something and didn’t have to work with anybody stupid. Did you see the James Franco Roast? I loved it! As someone who got famous for doing roasts you’re the perfect judge I think. What did you think was so good about it? I don’t know. Me and Jimmy [Cannizzaro, her husband] watched it and we were like “why do we like this so much better?” It all harkened back to the Dean Martin roast where everybody was friends. That was how a roast should feel. So I thought it was ridiculously fun to watch. You kind of had a breakout moment at a roast. Oh yeah, the roasts were definitely the thing that put me on the map. And those are great but I don’t know if I really want to do them anymore but it doesn’t really matter. You did the Trump roast and you really let the bastard have it. 52 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

Do you partake of the medicine yourself? I was never a big drug or alcohol person—it probably would have been a lot less fattening if I was— but unfortunately I always partook of the food and the men instead.

Yeah I did Trump before Celebrity Apprentice so whether you like him or you don’t like him I think he showed a lot of balls by putting me on the show after I made fun of him. What was the first roast you did when you were the totally unknown person on the lineup? Chevy Chase was the first one. And that’s the best part of it. When nobody knows who you are nobody makes fun of you. I wasn’t even on the internet. That was my one free pass. As an unknown talent how did you even get on the bill at the Chevy Chase roast? I was a member of the Friar’s Club and they really pushed it. The Friar’s Club was the producer of the roasts back then. And they pushed Comedy Central to have me do it. And if it wasn’t for the Friar’s Club, trust me, I wouldn’t have been on that roast because Comedy Central was like “who is this?” and the Friar’s Club said “you have to do us one favor.” So luckily it went really well

and I’ve been on most of them since then. So the Friar’s Club believed in you. Yes, and they still do because they ask me to do enough free shit for them now. I’m paying for it for the rest of my life. Let’s talk about your recent controversies. You get yourself in trouble sometimes, don’t you? I wouldn’t say I’m in trouble, because I’m self-employed. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Who do I answer to? What is your position on medical cannabis? Well, since it has nothing to do with me, I really don’t care that much, because I have only been addicted to food and men. But here’s my feeling: if it helps you with something medical, then go ahead and use the fucking thing. If you have any symptoms that can be helped by medical cannabis,

When you do your stand-up, how much of your show is scripted in advance and how much of it is just made up stuff up on the spot? Well most of it starts onstage. I’ll record the show and listen to it after and punch it up if I hear a bit I like—but I would say about 90 percent of it starts on stage. 90 percent? That’s a lot! Yup. I know, but it’s more fun for me. That sounds a little scary to a guy like me who has never tried stand-up comedy before. I guess, but I think if you’re confident and funny and they’re your fans they let you kind of develop stuff. It’s always going to end up funny. I mean, funny people hardly ever say anything and don’t know how to close it so I don’t really feel like it’s that much of a risk because those people are there to see you. So after all you’ve accomplished in the last few years, what does Lisa Lampanelli still want to do? Well this whole thing at Yale this summer inspired me to do some real acting so I talked to my director and after Broadway and the tour I’m doing to do some plays—some straight up drama— some Tennessee Williams or Arthur Miller—something like that. Do you ever see yourself directing something? You never know! I love bossing people around! c V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


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cool stuff ColorVue Crazy Lens MaxVUE Vision has the best addition to your Halloween costume! ColourVUE Crazy Lens. Not just the traditional three tones lenses, but they even have those creepy oversized lenses, new StarBurst series, Gold & Silver series, Glow Lens series, Fusion Colors, Glamour designs and over 60 new Crazy Lens designs—enough to actually drive you crazy. These things will definitely help you win that costume contest. ($24 - $89) www.colorvue-lens.com

The Bartender’s Toolbox by ThinkGeek We’ve finally found an awesome item that aficionados of fine adult beverages and those who love tools can rejoice over together. A hammer that’s also a bottle opener, a saw that’s also a citrus knife, a corkscrew that’s also a screwdriver, a cocktail strainer that’s also a spackle knife, garnish skewers that are also nails, and a jigger that’s . . . well, that’s all it is, but you have to have a jigger to complete the set! ($29.99) www.thinkgeek.com

Lapka Personal Environment Monitor For iPhone The Lapka Personal Environment Monitor is a handy tool that works with your iPhone to help you measure and monitor all of the invisible threats in your environment. The monitor system can test humidity, electromagnetic fields and radiation. Download the free companion app and take measurements in your house, at work or on the go. Store all of the information in your personal diary to track measurements over time. Compatible with iPhone 4, 4s and 5, iTouch 4 gen+, iPad. The set includes fours sensors, cable and bag. ($249.99) www.mylapka.com

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By Aunt Sandy

Sandy Moriarty is the author of Aunt Sandy’s Medical Marijuana Cookbook: Comfort Food for Body & Mind and a Professor of Culinary Arts at Oaksterdam University. She is also the cofounder of Oaksterdam’s Bakery.

Menu:

MULLED APPLE CIDER STUFFED MUSHROOMS PUMPKIN RAVIOLI with SAGE CREAM SAUCE

The Hearty

Harvest

October is a time for warm sweaters, hearty meals and the wonderful colorful changing of leaves. Now that it’s here, it’s time to reap the flavorfilled benefits of the season. This month is a harvest month; a time to enjoy foods that are complimented by the changing season. Perfect time for a delicious, rich and hearty meal. Let the homestyle aroma of apple cider ensnare your senses while you indulge in succulent stuffed mushrooms, and pumpkin ravioli with sage cream sauce. Desserts and treats, warm drinks, delicious meals and good friends—now that’s a great October. 56 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

Legal Disclaimer

Publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical marijuana. The recipes listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only where medical marijuana is not a violation of state law. Edibles can vary in potency while a consumers’ weight, metabolism and eating habits may affect effectiveness and safety. Ingredient management is important when cooking with cannabis for proper dosage. Please consume responsibly and check with your doctor before consumption to make sure that it is safe to do so. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


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PUMPKIN RAVIOLI with SAGE CREAM SAUCE Serves 4 Pumpkin Filling 10 tablespoons Cannabutter* 1 lb. fresh pumpkin, peeled and cut in 1 inch cubes 1 cup heavy cream 1/2 a bay leaf 2 tablespoons minced

fresh sage, plus 6 small leaves for a garnish 2 teaspoons minced fresh thyme leaves 2 eggs, beaten Salt Freshly ground white pepper

Heat a sauté pan over low heat and add 4 tablespoons Cannabutter. When the butter is foamy, add the cubed pumpkin and cook stirring often to prevent it from sticking, until it softens and falls into puree. Turn the pumpkin into a saucepan, add 1/2 of the cream and half the herbs and cook over a low heat for an hour, until the puree is thick and the liquid has evaporated. Stir occasionally to prevent scorching. Remove from heat and beat in an additional 2 tablespoons Cannabutter. Whisk in the beaten eggs, season to taste with salt and white pepper and set aside to cool.

Spinach Pasta Dough

Sage Cream Sauce

1/2 teaspoon salt 3 eggs 2 tablespoons Cannabis Infused Olive Oil**

1 cup heavy cream 2 cups canned chicken stock 2 shallots chopped

Wash spinach in three changes of water. Cut off 1 inch of the stems. Chop the leaves and purée them in a towel and squeeze the juice into a 1/4 cup measuring cup. Add 2 tablespoons of the spinach purée to the juice. Discard the remaining purée. Combine flours and salt in the food processor or mixer using a dough hook. While running add the eggs, olive oil and enough of the spinach mixture so the dough forms a ball pressed together. Wrap the dough in plastic and let it rest at room temperature for two hours. On a floured surface roll out the pasta as thin as possible. Cut into two sheets and brush one of them with egg wash. Using a teaspoon place 24 equal mounds of the pumpkin puree on the egg washed dough, about two inches apart. Cover the mounds with the second sheet of pasta and press around the mounds of pumpkin to seal the dough. Using a ravioli cutter or a sharp knife cut the ravioli. Dust a tray with semolina and place the ravioli on it. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add raviolis to the rapidly boiling water and cook for 5 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain. Add the raviolis to the sauce and enjoy.

Wipe mushrooms clean with a damp cloth, remove the stems and set them aside. Chop the mushroom stems and put into a bowl with the garlic, onion, bacon, parsley, thyme and breadcrumbs, salt and pepper. Divide the mixture into quarters and pack into mushroom caps. Grease an ovenproof dish with 1 1 1/2 tablespoon tablespoon Infused Olive finely chopped thyme Oil. Place stuffed mush1/4 cup Cannabis rooms in the dish and Infused Olive Oil sprinkle with the cheese. Salt and pepper Dribble the remaining to taste infused olive oil over the Preheat oven mushrooms. Bake for 30 to 350° minutes and serve hot.

STUFFED MUSHROOMS 4 large field mushrooms 3 cloves garlic, crushed 1 red onion, finely chopped. 2 slices of bacon, chopped 2 tablespoons finely chopped parsley

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In a saucepan reduce the stock with the shallots to 1/2 cup. Add the one cup of cream and reduce by half. Over a low heat, whisk remaining four tablespoons of Cannabutter, a little at a time, over low heat. Strain the sauce into a clean saucepan and add remaining sage and thyme. Salt and pepper to taste. Divide the raviolis among preheated soup dishes and spoon sauce over them. Garnish each serving with a fresh piece of sage and lightly sprinkle with parmesan and serve immediately.

MULLED APPLE CIDER Serves 4 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon whole allspice 1 teaspoon whole clove 1/4 teaspoon salt A dash of ground nutmeg 3 inch stick of cinnamon 2 quarts apple cider 1 cup Cannabis Infused Simple Syrup*** One orange, cut in wedges

Combine sugar, allspice, cloves, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon and apple cider in a large sauce pan. Slowly bring to boil, cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Remove spices from pot after 20 minutes. Serve in warm mugs with a clove studded orange wedge in each. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m

For our complete recipes go to ireadculture.com.

1/2 lb. fresh spinach (1 bunch) 1 1/2 cups semolina flour, finest ground 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour


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GreenScene Cultivating the

OktoberfestGarden Plant for the next Oktoberfest or use your excess for homemade wine By Nancy Powell

W

hen Oktoberfest ends in a few weeks, what better thing to do than turn your attention to the autumn harvest, but don’t just make it any harvest—make it one to impress, sowing for next year’s celebration of revelry and brew. All it involves are a few select herbs, vegetables and fruit to make the home-grown cocktail happen. For herbs, consider planting thyme and mint, the go-to garnishes in mojitos, juleps, gin and tonics and other mixed drinks. Mint adds refreshing pungency to drinks, and its medicinal properties can keep an upset stomach at bay. Both can be planted indoors, and once seeds germinate (10 to 15 days for mint and 21 to 30 days for thyme), you can transplant the herbs outdoors, giving each plant one square foot of soil for optimal growth. The two most commonly used vegetables in cocktails are cucumbers and celery. Late spring or early summer is the optimal time to plant cucumbers, and celery requires a steady supply of rich soil mixed with organic compost and direct sun in order to thrive, spaced six to eight inches apart. Expect initial harvests in late spring. Lemons and limes are standard ingredients in many drinks and a must for home-grown wines. Your best bet for cultivating fruit is by buying a tree from the nursery. When temperatures dip below 30 degrees, cover the plant with a blanket or bring it inside until the weather warms. If you have excess fruit hanging around the garden post-harvest and preserving, you can bottle it, and create your own green brew. Homegrown country wines cut down on the energy required to bottle and transport each bottle, plus you control what ingredients goes into this steady supply of cheap, chemical-free, organic wines. Andy Hamilton of the Ecologist offers two great recipes for marrow and pear wines on the magazine’s website. Creating your own wine requires just water, yeast, yeast nutrients, citric acids, grape juice concentrate and tannin powder, a couple of fermentation buckets and a siphon to transfer the wine to other vessels. The wines need four to six months to develop, but once the whole process completes, you have a product that’s good for up to a year. What are you waiting for? Get your garden game on. c

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entertainment reviews Willie Nelson To All The Girls . . . Sony Music Entertainment With Willie Nelson’s constant visibility in contemporary pop culture, often for his cannabis activism, it can be easy to forget that the man’s career is now rapidly approaching its 60th year. Nelson is an institution of country music, an American National Treasure, and it’s hard to stress just how important his influence on music as a whole has been in the last half-century. And here he is at the age of 80, delivering yet another stellar set of recordings in the form of his new album, To All The Girls . . . Similar to his last record Heroes, which featured Nelson singing with guests ranging from his son Lukas to Snoop Dogg, this outing sees Nelson joined by some of his favorite female vocalists, who’s pedigrees span a wide range of genres, for a set of eighteen gorgeous duets. The guests range from more recent stars like Sheryl Crow, Carrie Underwood and Norah Jones, to fellow country music legends like Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn and Emmylou Harris and Mavis Staples. Nelson’s voice still has the strength of an old oak tree, yet still has the smooth qualities and the sharpness of a blade of grass. To All The Girls . . . is worthy addition to one of the most flawless legacies in all of music, and Nelson proves yet again, that even in his old age, he’s still an incredible artist. (Simon Weedn)

The Marijuana Chef Cookbook By S.T. Oner Green Candy Press One of the hardest things about cooking cannabis many years ago was the lack of easily accessible instructions on how to do it properly. Even after the internet came around, one could find recipes, but a lot of them were confusing, didn’t deliver on what they promised, or didn’t convey how potent the edibles would be after cooking. Luckily for all of us, the same people that brought us gems like Cannabis Indica/Sativa Guides To The World’s Finest Marijuana Strains has set about keeping his guide to proper culinary cannabis preparation, The Marijuana Chef Cookbook, up to date with a brand new third edition. This edition surpasses previous versions of the book by finally including full color photos of every dish prepared as well as containing fifteen new recipes. In addition, the book still contains all of the things that made it wonderful in the first place including: multiple methods of THC extraction, vegan and vegetarian alternates for several recipes, natural options to detoxify for a drug test, notes on the history of cannabis use in food, and information on the potency of recipes. The Marijuana Chef Cookbook is new, improved, and better than ever. Whether you’re looking for cannabis infused main courses like “Midnight Pizza” or ideas on how to incorporate marijuana into your favorite mixed drinks, this cookbook has it all. (Simon Weedn)

This Is the End Sony Pictures Dir. Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg Just when you thought that Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (Superbad, Pineapple Express) couldn’t possibly come out with another “stoner comedy” gem, the two return with This Is The End. The two are joined by an all-star ensemble of regular collaborators Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, and Craig Robinson as well as even bigger gaggle of fellow celebrity guests to bring on an almost non-stop barrage of laughs. As one might assume from the title, the film revolves around the group facing down apocalypse while in the midst of a party at James Franco’s house. All of the main characters and guests portray fictional re-interpretations of themselves that really go wild as they encounter all of the problems of a horrible apocalypse in the world. As to be expected with such a talented group of comedic actors, the writing, timing and delivery of every joke, no matter how over the top, is absolutely masterful and will have you, at times, literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Fans of Rogen’s, Franco’s and Goldberg’s previous film together, Pineapple Express, will also enjoy hearing the actual idea for the plotline of Pineapple Express II pitched, and sloppily executed in the midst of the movie as well. (Simon Weedn) 62 CULTURE • OCTOBER 2013

Margaret Cho Hilarious—few more fitting terms come to mind when thinking of the masterful comedienne Margaret Cho. Her staunch liberal views, her love of CULTURE and MMJ and rowdy bravado keep the audience on their toes, while her dark hair and tattoo-laden skin scream “comedy vixen.” The poster for her newest national tour entitled “Mother,” features a leather and lace decorated Cho straddling a vintage motorcycle, mouth agape, locks flowing in the makeshift breeze. Definitely an eye catching contrast from her role as Kim Jong-Il on several episodes of 30 Rock. Above her eye-popping image, the header of her poster reads “Nothing is Sacred. Least of All This.” It’s right around here where her audience should rightfully perceive that Cho has ceased to give a flying f!@k. She’s got variety, intellect, and above all; the guts to share it. For this reason alone, her “Mother” tour will be one to remember.

IF YOU GO

What: Margaret Cho live. When/Where: Oct. 23. Paramount Theatre, 1621 Glenarm Pl., Denver. Info:  Check out www.paramountdenver.com for more info.

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liner notes

S

By Kevin Longrie

top me if you’ve heard this one: the animal rights group PETA, despite the innumerable injustices occurring in this country and around the world in regards to the ethical treatment of animals, decides to attack a mostly benign incident by well-known public figure in order to raise the profile of their organization. As a result, they trivialize their own struggle and the work of other animal rights activists by being seen grasping at the spotlight and for political capital. Well, I forget the punch line, but it’s happened again. And this time, it involves KATY PERRY and a lot of bad CGI. “Roar,” Katy Perry’s answer to Baltimora’s “Tarzan Boy,” is a by-the-numbers song about independence and strength that uses jungle metaphors (and, in the video, imagery) to convey its extremely simple point. PETA spokeswoman Merrilee Burke told The Daily Star that “[animals] often become stressed and anxious when hauled around and forced into unfamiliar or frightening situations.” The situations Burke is no doubt describing include a monkey and a bird that were separately standing on or around Perry’s arm or shoulder and a tiger that quite obviously was being handled by a trainer while being filmed. The tiger was asked to sit and then Perry was digitally added later, roaring (which I’m guessing the producers hope viewers will find . . . sexy?). Burke goes on to say that the Serengeti Ranch, those believed to have supplied the animals to Perry and her crew, “has been inspected by the US Department of Agriculture 22 times since 2001.” Unfortunately, she does not add what the Dept. of Agriculture’s findings were and whether or not this rate of inspection is abnormal for businesses like the Serengeti Ranch. This is just like the time that New York City’s Mayor Bloomberg got angry with Perry for launching bosom fireworks off repeatedly without a permit. MUMFORD & SONS have cultivated a massive fan-base by appropriating Appalachian music and southern folk and bending it to pop sensibilities. They even try to dress the part (or at least some retrofitted idea of the part): vests, flannel, and I’ve got to imagine a pocket watch here or there. Steampunk by way of O Brother, Where Art

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Thou? It comes as little surprise that Marcus Mumford, who looks like a folked-out version of Ken Marino, and his band mates would want to partake in the ultimate southern rite of passage: being thrown out of an Atlanta strip club. It was karaoke night at one of Atlanta’s finest gentleman’s clubs and banjo player Winston Marshall decided to jump up for a go. The rest of his band mates filmed him with their camera phones, but were asked to put them away as they broke the club’s no video-recording policy. Things were said, oaths were delivered vociferously, and it was all over. The boys were ejected. It does make one wonder what a strip routine to Mumford & Sons would look like, though. MILEY CYRUS’ performance at the VMAs in Brooklyn will likely go down in pop-history as the “twerk heard round the world.” As plastic and flesh clung to each other and Robin Thicke blurred lines (of the age of consent, mostly), viewers watched and reacted and tweeted and blogged and decided that this particular performance was all that social media was allowed to talk about for a solid week. And as she’s rode the wave of bizarre looks and popularity (as well as wrecking balls) after the performance, Cyrus has been nothing but happy with the staging and execu-

tion. She might appear manic to viewers who see her tongue perpetually out or out of sorts to those who see her do a performance on German TV with a band comprised entirely of little people, but if you check out those iTunes sales, they’re going up and up. Even GENE SIMMONS managed to weigh in during a recent interview with Rolling Stone, no doubt asked the question because tongues were once again in the zeitgeist. Of her oral gesticulations, Simmons had only dismissive, sexist comments: “It was okay. But that’s a girl’s version. It’s like girls basketball. It’s as good as girls can get at basketball. But you can’t play with the guys.” You must admit that Simmons has a gift for quickly and cogently displaying the kind of charmless chauvinism that led thousands of misguided women to make the mistake of sleeping with him. c

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let’s do this Our picks for the coolest things to do around town The Retro Run 5k, Oct. 6 Do you ever miss your bright pink spandex exercise pants or that highlighter-yellow headband from the ’80s? Or maybe wonder why on earth people thought those colors looked good in the first place? If you’re fond of bright colors then join the Retro Run 5k—don’t forget your sideways ponytail and wayfarer shades. City Park, Denver www.theretrorun5k.com

30 Seconds to Mars with New Politics, Oct. 8 Jared Leto and his band will play nine shows this fall to support their new album Love Lust Faith + Dreams. You won’t want to miss even 30 seconds of a performance like this! The Fillmore Auditorium, Denver www.fillmoreauditorium.org

Fiona Apple, Oct. 11 Fiona is back is touring with Blake Mills, who worked with her on their most recent album Idler Wheel. Boettcher Concert Hall, Denver www.kbco.com

Gary Clark Jr. Oct. 11 Got the blues? Well so does Gary Clark Jr. with his own sound and a new spin to the blues—this show is guaranteed to blow your mind. Ogden Theatre, Denver www.ogdentheatre.com

Denver Roller Dolls, Oct. 12 Roller Derby has become one of the fastest growing women sports and we can see why—it’s cool chicks with cool names on wheels out and a “bout.” 1st Bank Center, Denver www.1stbankcenter.com

Great American Beer Festival, Oct. 10-12 What is more American than beer and festivals? Aside from getting your drink on, this beer fest features wonderful beers from all over the country competing for the gold. Colorado Convention Center, Denver www.greatamericanbeerfestival.com

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The Naked and Famous, Oct. 18 You know you have belted it out in your car when “Girls like You” comes on the radio. Get Friday you can sing your lungs out with them live. The Fillmore Auditorium, Denver www.fillmoreauditorium.org

Portugal. The Man, Oct. 19

The Book of Mormon, Opens Oct. 22 (Thru Nov. 24) Satire has never been more hilarious (or offensive, if you’re a Latter Day Saint). Written by the creator of South Park and composed by the adult puppet musical Avenue Q—that’s all you need to know when it comes to comedic expectations. Buell Theatre, Denver www.denvercenter.org

Psychedelic band Portugal. The Man has released an album for every year it’s been active. With so many hit singles that came from those LPs, it’s not wonder that this psychedlic rock and pop band performed once St. Jerome’s Laneway Festival, Bonnaroo and Lollapalooza. Ogden Theatre, Denver www.ogdentheatre.com

The Neighbourhood, Oct. 25

Two Door Cinema Club, Oct. 21

13th Annual Halloween Hootenanny, Oct. 26

This band might be Irish but it certainly doesn’t mean that it’s indie rock sound reflects the country. Instead, enjoy these tunes in good ol’ Denver! Ogden Theatre, Denver www.ogdentheatre.com

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This up and coming band just barely released it’s first LP early this year and it’s quickly becoming one of the “cool” bands. Although it’s already gotten publicity at SXSW and a brief tour with Imagine Dragons, see them before they explode onto the music scene! Ogden Theatre, Denver www.ogdentheatre.com

Sadly, there’s no legitimate reason for adults to trick-or-treat (because it’s creepy). Instead, celebrate Halloween where you’re welcome—at the Hootenany (costumes are mandatory). The Bluebird Theater, Denver www.bluebirdtheater.net

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T

here aren’t many opportunities to present medical cannabis in video games—but for the first time, gamers can choose to medicate in-game as a reflection of the growing cannabis industry. Five years since Rockstar Games’ last full-fledged Grand Theft Auto (GTA) title, GTA V released last month earning 800 million dollars in the first 24 hours of release—with 13 million copies sold, which is more than 2012’s blockbuster, Call of Duty: Black Ops II—topping a whopping 1 billion two days later. The game follows the stories of three criminals in the city of Los Santos, a 49-square mile town modeled closely after Los Angeles. The cannabis industry makes its appearance in this model LA where the familiar green neon leaf hangs above Los Santos’ very own medical cannabis dispensaries. Aside from Los Santos’ affordable healthcare the city states that “There are many dispensaries for those that grow truly sick of running out of [cannabis]” meaning that players can choose to self-medicate and even own dispensaries. GTA V’s main gameplay of course attests to its M rating for mature audiences, sending players on a variety of gun-blazing missions in both single-player and online modes. Players can frolic through this sandbox world with a stolen car or plane of choice while taking selfies with an “iFruit” mobile phone and posting their ventures on “Lifeinvader. com.” The quick rise to fame for GTA V is impressive to say the least, and is evidence of just how comfortable popular culture is getting with cannabis—no doubt that this will be a common occurrence in the world of gaming from here on out.

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Chuck Shepherd's

Newsof the

Weird LEAD STORY—FIRST AMENDMENT BLUES ; In the public libraries of Seattle (as in most public libraries), patrons are not allowed to eat or sleep (or even appear to be sleeping) or be shirtless or barefoot or have bad body odor or talk too loudly—because other patrons might be disturbed. However, in Seattle, as the Post-Intelligencer reported in September, librarians do permit patrons to watch hardcore pornography on public

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computers, without apparent restriction, no matter who (adult or child) is walking by or sitting inches away at the next screen (although librarians politely ask porn-watchers to consider their neighbors). Said a library spokesperson: “(P)atrons have a right to view constitutionally protected material no matter where they are in the building, and the library does not censor.”

CULTURAL DIVERSITY ; Japan and Korea seem to

be the birthplaces in the quest for youthful and beautiful skin, with the latest “elixir” (as usual, based on traditional, centuriesold beliefs) being snail mucus—applied by specially bred live snails that slither across customers’ faces. The Clinical Salon in central Tokyo sells the 60-minute Celebrity Escargot Course session for the equivalent of about $250 and even convinced a London Daily Telegraph reporter to try one in July. (Previously, News of the Weird has informed readers of Asian nightingale-feces facials and live-fish pedicures.) ; Unclear on the Concept: Among people earnestly devoted to palmistry (the foretelling of the future by “expert” examination of the inner surface of the hand), a few in Japan have resorted to what seems like cheating: altering their palm lines with cosmetic surgery. According to a July Daily Beast dispatch from Tokyo, Dr. Takaaki Matsuoka is a leading practitioner, preferring

an electric scalpel over laser surgery in that the latter more often eventually heals over, obviously defeating the purpose. He must be careful to add or move only the lines requested by the patient (e.g., “marriage” line, “romance” line, “money-luck” line, “financial” success line).

LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGES ; Iran’s INSA news service reported in January that officials in Shiraz had acquired a finger-amputation machine to perhaps streamline the gruesome punishment often meted out to convicted thieves. (A masked enforcer turns a guillotine-like wheel to slice off the finger in the manner of a rotary saw.) Iran is already known for its reliance on extreme Islamic Sharia, which prescribes amputations, public lashings and death by stoning, and Middle East commentators believe the government will now step up its amputating of fingers, even for the crime of adultery.

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; Smiting Skeptics: Measles, despite being highly contagious, was virtually eradicated in America until a small number of skeptics, using now-discredited “research,” tied childhood vaccinations with the rise of autism, and now the disease is returning. About half the members of the Eagle Mountain International Church near Dallas have declined to vaccinate their children, and as of late August, at least 20 church members have experienced the disease. The head pastor denied that he preaches against the immunizations (although he did tell NPR, cryptically, “(T)he (medical) facts are facts, but then we know the truth. That always overcomes facts.”). ; Outraged Jewish leaders complain periodically about Mormons who, in the name of their church, posthumously baptize deceased Jews (even Holocaust victims)— beneficently, of course, to help them qualify for heaven.

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Church officials promised to stop, but in 2012 reports still surfaced that not all Mormons got the memo. Thus inspired, a “religious” order called the Satanic Temple conducted a July “pink mass” over the Meridian, Miss., grave of the mother of the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church, Rev. Fred Phelps Jr.—posthumously “turning” her gay. (Westboro infamously stages small, hatesaturated demonstrations denouncing homosexuals and American tolerance.) Ten days later, Meridian prosecutors charged a Satanic Temple official with misdemeanor desecration of a grave.

QUESTIONABLE JUDGMENTS ; Australia’s chief diplomat in Taipei, Taiwan, said in August that he was suing local veterinarian Yang Dong-sheng for fraud because Dr. Yang backed out of euthanizing the diplomat Kevin Magee’s sick, 10-year-old dog. Instead, Dr. Yang “rescued” the dog, who is now thriving after he

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patiently treated her. Magee’s lawsuit claims, in essence, that his family vet recommended euthanization, that he had paid for euthanization, and that “Benji” should have been put down. Dr. Yang said the fee Magee paid was for “medical care” and not necessarily euthanization. (Benji, frolicking outside when a reporter visited, was not available for comment.) ; In August, a prosecutor in Houston filed aggravated rape charges against a 10-year-old girl (“Ashley”) who had been arrested in June and held for four days in a juvenile detention center. A neighbor had seen Ashley touching a 4-yearold boy “in his private area,” according to a KRIV-TV report— in other words, apparently playing the time-honored, riteof-passage game of “doctor.”

SQUIRRELS GONE WILD ; Smithsonian magazine detailed in August the exhaustive measures that military officials have taken

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to finally block relentless Richardson’s ground squirrels from tunneling underneath Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana and interfering with the Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missiles on 24/7 standby. For example, officials had to use trial-anderror to plant underground screens deeper into the ground than the squirrels cared to dig. A day after that report was published, a bus driver in Gothenburg, Sweden, crashed into a tree (with six passengers requiring hospital treatment) after swerving to avoid a squirrel in the road. On the same day, a New York Times reporter disclosed that his own news monitoring for 2013 revealed that squirrels have caused 50 power outages in 24 states in the U.S. since Memorial Day after invading electric company substations.

PROGRESSIVE GOVERNMENTS ; In July, the Czech Republic approved Lukas Novy’s official government ID photo even

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though he was wearing a kitchen colander on his head. Novy had successfully explained that his religion required it since he is a “Pastafarian”—a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (a prank religion pointing out that all deities’ power and wisdom comes from followers’ faith rather than from tangible proof of their existence). ; In August, a judge in Voronezh, Russia, accepted for trial Dmitry Argarkov’s lawsuit against Tinkoff Credit Systems for violating a credit-card contract. Tinkoff had mailed Argarkov its standard fineprint contract, but Argarkov computer-scanned it, changed pro-Tinkoff provisions into proArgarkov terms, and signed and returned it, and Tinkoff accepted it without re-reading. At least at this stage of the lawsuit, the judge appeared to say that Argarkov had bested Tinkoff at its own game of oppressive, fine-print mumbo-jumbo.

THE PERVO-AMERICAN COMMUNITY ; He Had a Different Dream: Barely two months before the 50-year commemoration of the March on Washington, Park Police arrested Christopher H. Cleveland and charged him with shooting “upskirt” photos of unsuspecting women lounging on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. According to the officers, Cleveland (who said he was unaware that the photos were illegal) had a computer in his car that contained at least 150 PowerPoint slide presentations of at least 30 images each of his multitude of female photo victims.

A NEWS OF THE WEIRD CLASSIC (JULY 2010) ; While the morbidly obese struggle with their health (and society’s scorn), those who eroticize massive weight gain are capturing increased attention, according to a July (2010) ABC News report.

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Commercial and personal websites give full-bellied “gainers,” such as New Jerseyan Donna Simpson, and their admiring “feeders” the opportunity to express themselves. Simpson became a 602-pound media sensation in March (2010), when she began offering pay-per-view video of herself to an audience of horny feeders. Wrote another gainerblogger, “Lately, I’ve been infatuated with the physics of my belly . . . how it moves with me.” When he leans to one side, he wrote, “I feel a roll form around my love handle.” One sex researcher called it a “metaphor of arousal.” In the end, though, as a medical school professor put it, “The fetish may be in our heads, but the plaque is going to be in (their) arteries.”

HAPPINESS IS A CLEAN TOILET ; Beginning in 2011, about three dozen people in Tokyo have been meeting every Sunday morning at 6 a.m. on a mission to scrub down, one

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by one, the city’s grungiest public rest rooms. “By 7:30,” according to an Associated Press reporter who witnessed an outing in August, the team had left behind a “gleaming public toilet, looking as good as the day it was installed.” Explained the hygiene- intense Satoshi Oda (during the week, a computer programmer), the mission is “for our own good”—work that leader Masayuki Magome compares to the training that Buddhist monks receive to find peace. (In fact, to fulfill the group’s motto, “Clean thyself by cleaning cubicles,” the scouring must be done with bare hands.) A squad supporter spoke of a sad, growing apprehension that the younger generation no longer shares the Japanese cultural conviction that rest rooms should always be clean and safe.

MEDICAL MARVELS ; Colleagues were stunned in May when ABC News editor Don Ennis suddenly appeared

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at work wearing a little black dress and a red wig and declaring that he had begun hormone therapy and wanted to be called Dawn Ennis. As co-workers accommodated his wishes (which did not seem so unusual in contemporary professional society), Ennis began to have second thoughts, and by July had blamed his conversion on “transient global amnesia,” brought on by marital difficulties, and had returned to work as Don. Apparently the primary lingering effect is that he must still deal with Dawn’s hormone-induced breasts.

THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT ; Researchers at the University of Tokyo have developed a mirror that makes a person appear happy even when not. A built-in camera tracks facial features in real time, then tweaks the image to turn up the corners of the mouth and to create the beginnings of a smile in the eyes. Of what practical use would such a mirror be? Other Japanese researchers, according

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to a Slate.com report in August, believe that happy-face mirrors in retail stores would improve shoppers’ dispositions and lead to more sales.

PERSPECTIVE ; The Costa Rican government announced recently that it would close all its zoos, effective March 2014, and free animals either to the wild or to safe “retirement” shelters. Since the country is known for its expansive biodiversity (500,000 unique organisms, despite occupying barely more than 1/100th of 1 percent of Earth’s area), it is time, the environment minister said, to allow the organisms to interact instead of imprisoning them. Costa Rica is also one of only four countries to ban the exploitation of dolphins.

LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATORS ; In July, following sustained criticism, Thomson Reuters business information company suspended an advance-release

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service for the crucial monthly “consumer confidence index” that has been known to signal stock markets to abruptly “buy” (driving up prices) or “sell” (sending them lower). The University of Michigan prepares and distributes the index promptly at 10 a.m. Eastern time on its release date, but Thomson Reuters offers two advance peeks. It pays the school about $1 million a year to see the index at 9:55 a.m., to share with its best customers. The suspended program gave an even earlier tip-off—at 9:54:58—and highfrequency trading firms paid $6,000 more a month for those two seconds, which allowed their computer robots to execute hundreds of thousands of trades before other professional traders had access to the index. ; First-World Problems: Selfindulgent New York City parents have been hiring “play-date” coaches for their preschool youngsters, apparently out of fear that the kids’ skill set for just having fun might not impress

admissions officers at the city’s elite private schools. The CEO of one consulting outfit told the New York Post in July that $400 an hour gets expert monitoring of a 4-year-old in small groups, evaluating, for example, how the child colors in a book, shares the crayons, holds a pencil and follows the rules of Simon Says. ; An unidentified school in the West Coast Conference recently self-reported a violation of controversial NCAA rules that restrict privileges for student-athletes, ordering a member of its women’s golf team to pay back $20 after she washed her car using a hose (and water) belonging to the school but which were not available to other students. (A University of Portland coach said he heard about the violation at a conference meeting, and Yahoo Sports, seeking confirmation, reported that an NCAA spokesman soft-pedaled the illegality, calling the school’s action a “miscommunication.”)

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CULTURE pumpkin created by Tim Pate. Pumpkin provided by The Pumpkin Patch on Sauvie Island, Portland, Oregon.

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