See and stop destructive behavior
By Don Short
hile counseling hundreds of couples, I have noticed three behaviors that are very destructive in their relationships. After couples become aware of these behaviors and understand their destructive nature, both sides can take action to change them. These three behaviors are:
"Always, never, every time" These words are generally used to describe negative and annoying behaviors in a spouse. These words will keep us stuck in the negative past and tarnishes the present. Statements using these types of words are also not always true. Bringing up the past kills the idea of forgiveness in the relationship. The solution to this is to make a commitment to focus only on the current specific issue.
“Tit for tat” This is where each spouse feels attacked and retaliates. This cycle keeps going often due to exhaustion, and in these types of
arguments, no one remembers the initial problem. The solution is to refuse to be distracted from the original issue. In Philippians 2:14, Paul says for us to do all things without disputing.
Improve your marriage Run away thoughts Sometimes when we don’t receive an adequate explanation for something, our minds will fill in the blanks with negative thoughts driven by our own insecurities. Sometimes when we call our spouses on the phone and they don’t answer, we start to stress ourselves out with all of our negative thinking. The solution is to stop all the negative thinking when it starts rushing in. Philippians 4:8 NIV says: “Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Make this year better and your relationship stronger and healthier by addressing these three issues if they exist in your relationship. Change is possible and relationships can be healthier. Enjoy the present and your future will be better. Don Short is a licensed counselor with After Hours Counseling. He and his wife reside in Acadiana.
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