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The Sentinella

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No 9

23/12/2008

07:56

Costa West Edition

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Jan 09

covering Calahonda, Elviria, Marbella, Puerto Banus, Ronda, San Pedro, Benahavis, Estepona, Sabinillas, La Duquesa, Sotogrande, San Roque and surrounding villages

MANILVA AUTOS

E E R F

The little mag that fits in your bag for ‘info on the go’


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From the Ed...

Well lets start by wishing you all a very happy and prosperous new year. Where has this year gone! What a great Christmas we had with our family and friends, playing daft games whilst sipping the odd glass of vino. Well now we have stuffed ourselves silly, its time to get back to work and burn off lots of those calories gained. And what better way to do this than walking the streets and meeting everyone, its been really great getting to know more and more of you every month. Although the latter part of this year has been difficult for lots of us, we are still being given the warmest of welcomes and for that we would like to say a huge thanks to you all. You’ll all be pleased to know that we are now online, so you can catch up with us at anytime. We are also offering some fantastic online advertising deals as well as our business card and flyer business services, so if we can be of any help, please feel free to contact us. Darren and Sharon

Taste of What’s Inside This Month:

Useless Facts .............Page 5 Mikes Music .............. Page 9 Film Review ............. Page 16 Pet Health Page ........ Page 51 Good, Bad, Ugly ...... Page 54 Amazing Animals ...... Page 55 Star Signs .................. Page 57 & much much more !! CONTACT US

Editor: 638 318 667 Sales: 680 315 403 Sales Spanish: 654 850 667

EMAIL: costawest@thesentinella.com Deposito Legal MA-333-2008

No part of this publication, including pictures may be copied, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. The Sentinella accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. So there! The Sentinella is eternally dedicated to Colin Checkley, the founder and editor of T h e S e n t i n e l Magazine. May he rest in peace. (Born: 1960 Died: 2004)

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Strange News

Hair One Minute Gone The Next A Chinese woman who had not cut her hair for ten years called police to report that it had been stolen. Xiao Hong, 30, of Siping, says someone cut off her 4ft plait as she walked out of a shopping mall. She said "People were squeezing together out the door, and when I stepped out I felt I lost something. I subconsciously touched my hair, but it was gone." In the past she had been offered the equivalent of £300 for her hair but had refused to sell it. Pooping Obama is best-seller Tiny plastic figures of Barack Obama and Gordon Brown relieving themselves in public have become online bestsellers. They are among a host of politicians, sports stars and celebrities to be given the dubious honour of being turned into a 'caganer'. Catalonians traditionally celebrate Christmas by placing a caganer, which translates as pooper, in a nativity scene. People find it fun to try to spot the tiny defecating figures which are supposed to bring prosperity and a good harvest. Clock This‌ A 35ft high Big Ben clock tower made entirely of chocolate has been crafted 4

by Italian sweet-makers. The scale model of St Stephen's Tower was sculpted from 17,600lbs of choco-

late by artist Angelo Feduzzi for a food festival in Macerata Feltria, central Italy. Festival organisers said that, with daytime temperatures at no more than 3C, the tower was in no danger of melting. They left it standing for one week before slicing it up and handing it out to the public.

AstarteLife Sensual, Energising and Tantric Touch Massages

Experience a deeply relaxing and healing massage experience in our Tantra Centre located between Estepona and Marbella. Call Amanda on 669894550 or Guadalupe on 696232533 www.astartelife.com

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Useless Facts

The "glair" is the white or clear part of an egg. The word glair comes from the Latin clarus, meaning "clear"

The longest word used by Shakespeare in any of his works is "honorificabilitudinitatibus," found in "Love's Labors Lost." Unfortunately he's no longer around to tell us what it means

OK stands for oll korrect, a misspelling of all correct A coward was originally a boy who took care of cows Honeybees have hair on their eyes

Fleas can jump more than 200 times their body length

mile of rural land than there are humans on the entire earth Spiders have transparent blood

The name Ethiopia means "land of sunburned faces" in Greek Papaphobia is the fear of Popes Pentheraphobia is a fear of a mother-in-law

Venetian blinds were invented in Japan

The first VCR, made in 1956, was the size of a piano.

Mosquitoes prefer children to adults, and blondes to brunettes

In Greek culture, brides carry a lump of sugar in their wedding glove. It's supposed to bring sweetness to their married life. No doubt they’ll need it!

62 degrees Fahrenheit is the minimum temperature required for a grasshopper to be able to hop

There is enough iron in the human body to make one small nail Contrary to popular belief, there are almost no Buddhists in India, nor have there been for about a thousand years There are more insects in one square

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A to Z of Spain

This month the Js and Ks have joined forces. Well you try thinking of more than one J! And as for K‌ Well, even the dictionary doesn't help. Jamon - Ham. Now the ham situation here in Spain can be a tad confusing for us foreigners. In England we tend to think all ham tastes like that stuff you buy in the packs from Asda, perfect for sandwiches. But here there are all different kinds of ham; the most common tending to be Jamon Serrano (cured), which please note is not the perfect sarnie ham we are used to. Instead it is chewy, slippery and tastes saltier. In fact if you do decide to stick it between bread it can be quite a battle to bite. Usually I give up and resort to swallowing huge chunks of the stuff! Then there is Jamon de York, (cooked), which is the one to buy if you want something similar to good old Asda ham.

with a few beers. The whole of the area is forced into a testosterone-only zone and at the end of the day Fernando puts his shutters down with a smile :-) Next month it's L's turn, who may or may not join forces with M.

Gay attendant

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey’ has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'

Kiosco The Spanish love their kiosks. They spring up all over the place. The most She calmly turned her head and said, popular are ice-cream kiosks, sweetie 'In my country, I am called a Princess kiosks and drink kiosks. I live bang and I take orders from no one.' opposite a kiosk and they are definitely the way forward. Every day between 2- To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 5pm and 8pm-late Kiosco Fernando is 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm surrounded by stacks of Spanish males called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray(very seldom does this stacks include up, Bitch'' females), who unwind from their work 6 www.thesentinella.com


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The Postmans Last Day

It was the postman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts.

on the saucer. 'All this was just too wonderful for words, 'he said, ' but what's the pound coin for?' 'Well,'she said, 'last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.' He said, ' Screw him.......give him a pound.' The blonde then blushed and said, 'The breakfast was my idea'.

At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison. Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, bacon, sausage, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, black pudding and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.As she was pouring, he noticed a pound coin

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Best Genie Joke ever

Three men - an Alaskan farmer, Osama bin Laden and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The Alaskan says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Alaska ' POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Alaska was forever fertile for farming. Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels,

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Americans or Alaskans can come into our precious land.' POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.' The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.' The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says, 'Fill it with water.'

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Mike’s Musical Madness

Well that´s it. We stride into 2009! Let´s all hope all will be well and good, think positive! Just before we move on, this edition of Sentinella went to press just before Christmas, so a test for you! A kind of multiple choice for what you thought would be the No 1 song at Christmas? 1 Leona Lewis….with Run 2 Alexandra Burke..with Halellujah 3 Cliff Richard with Thankyou for a Lifetime of Mistletoe and Devil Woman Wired for Sound Bethlehem Move It Now, think seriously before you tick the box, cos this will define your true character. If you ticked number 1 you are: Clearly focused and on the case, your favourite colour is yellow and you cannot break dance. If you ticked number 2 you are: Desperate to be popular, do not stand out in a crowd, and feel safe with beans on toast. If you ticked number 3 you are: Obsessed with cushions, a hater of Top Gear and have always regretted not skinny dipping. Well, how did you do, any surprises? So this year,a lot new releases to look forward to, established bands as well as newcomers, all good for us, including Boston, Bruce Springsteen, Morrissey, Diana Krall and Marie Osmond……

Not to mention Stevie Nicks, this one from the pixie of Fleetwood Mac. An unusual voice that carries a lot of appeal. This is a live album of songs Stevie and Fleetwood Mac have recorded, including the magnificent Landslide, this an orchestral version. Another singer songwriter I have a lot of time for is John Mayer. He is from Connecticut in the U.S.A., spent some time at Music college in Boston,dropped out, decided to live and develop his music in Atlanta, Georgia. The big break came, inevitably in my opinion, with the release of Room For Squares and has not looked back .

Now at the grand age of 31, millions of records sold, a 39 year old girlfriend, spotted her? I am sure he has an amazing future before him. Mind you Jennifer, I will just mention that JM is an avid collector of bling, apparently his favourite item being the occasional watch and I quote……. "I must have 40 or 50, a man's got two shots for jewelry: a wedding ring and a watch. The watch is a lot easier to get on and off than a wedding ring." Speak soon Mike Stand

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Plumber with a sense of Humour!

Smarty Pants!

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

error? What's that? again.'

In case I need to fix it

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T

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No,' I replied.

So I wrote down:

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ID10T


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AIRPORT TRANSFERS

MALAGA - GIBRALTAR - JEREZ Providing a professional and reliable private car service offering an efficient and hassle free way of getting to and from the airport ESTATE CAR OR PEOPLE CARRIER COMPETITIVE RATES TELEPHONE: 617 606 501

SG Transport

Contact Simon: 952 461 074 Mobile: 661 544 077 info@simongeetransport.com www.simongeetransport.com

---------------------------------------------Furniture Shop Deliveries Private removals, Goods Insured Local/National/International work Tarjeta de Transporte 2 x 3.5t vans with tail lift ALL IKEA Collections Covered

BOATS & BERTHS FOR SALE (realistic prices)

RYA LICENCES, ICC, JET SKI PWR BOAT 2, BEST PRICES BOATS & BERTHS WANTED 679260870 tradersol@yahoo.co.uk

SKY DIGIBOX REPAIRS DONT JUST BUY A NEW DIGIBOX LET US TRY AND REPAIR IT FIRST REPAIRS TO ALL DIGIBOXES SKY, SKY+ AND SKY HD ALSO HARD DRIVE UPGRADES DOUBLE YOUR SKY+ MEMORY

TEL: 952939198 MOB: 607383578 Reeceelectronics@ya.com LOCAL 10 C.C DONA LOLA CALAHONDA OPP ELZOCO

Advertise in one of our bargain boxes for only 20 euors per month in black and white or only 30 euros per month for colour. Call 680 315 403 www.thesentinella.com

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The 19th Hole

After several weeks of negotiations with the management team at Dona Julia Golf Club, T’s Bar of Sabinillas have now taken over the management of the Bar and Restaurant. Having established themselve in the area for good food and service this has now been extended to Dona Julia Golf Club. The management at Dona Julia are proud to be working in partnership with T’s Bar and both companies are using their skill to improve the services offered to golfers and locals alike.

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T’s would like to thank their suppliers who reacted quickly to the challenge of re-stocking the bar and kitchen (all done in one day). People tell me that it would never happen in Spain, well thanks again guys. The Bar is open everyday from 8am offering breakfast, snacks and main meals. We also do special event catering, please pop in for any special requirements that you have. Keep a lookout from next month for any special winter deals or call The Club on 952 893 856

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Doctors Receptionist

Ever been asked at the doctor's office why you are there? You have to answer in front of others what's wrong...and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it... An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.' 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you?' he said.

The receptionist replied, 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.' The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask

people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'

'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Whats for dinner

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue. "Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes." The little girl screams, "Don't eat it.... it's a f***ing arsehole!!"

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Why we love Kids

This is exactly why we love our kids so much! A nursery school pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. ‘How do you know that the cat was dead?’ she asked her pupil. ‘Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move’ answered the child innocently. ‘You did WHAT?’ the teacher exclaimed in surprise. ‘You know’ explained the boy ‘I leaned over and went ‘Pssst’ in its ear and it didn’t move’.

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....’Da-ad’ ‘What?’ ‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’ ‘No, you had your chance. Lights out’ Five minutes later... ‘Da-aaaad’ ‘WHAT?’ ‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??’ ‘I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to smack you!!’ Five minutes later....’Daaaa-aaaad’ ‘WHAT!’ ‘When you come in to smack me, can you bring me a drink of water?’

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. ‘I can’t dear’ she said ‘I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.’ A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice. ‘The big sissy’

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down the minister leaned over and said ‘That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?’ The little girl replied, directly into the ministers clip-on microphone, ‘Yes and my mum says it’s a bitch to iron.’

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said ‘Mummy, you are getting fat’ I replied ‘Yes honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.’ ‘I know’ she replied, ‘but whats growing in your bum?’

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her ‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your muffin.’ She says ‘Yes I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.’

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice. ‘Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?’ 14 www.thesentinella.com


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Both at It !!

To My Dear Wife You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset - I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table.

My Dear Husband I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years

old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful business man who has an excellent knowledge of Maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times that 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

THE ROYAL BRITISH LEGION IN SPAIN, DISTRICT SOUTH The RBL was formed in 1921 to alleviate suffering of ex-servicemen following the 1st World War. Providing welfare aid for serving and ex-serving men & women, their dependants and spouses, with financial help, home & hospital visits, war pensions advice and much more. Nearly13 million people are eligible for assistance and support, with some 300,000 calls for help being taken every year. The Costa del Sol Branch started with the first few meetings in Fuengirola and then transferred to Benalmadena. Over the last three years the number of branches, here has grown to 14 and has a memebership in excess of 2000. Spain District South and its branches are registered with the Spanish Ministry of the Interior giving us legal status within Spain and facilitates the fundraising. Most branches meet once weekly for social events and monthly for a general meeting, but this can vary. Estepona, meet Tuesday - telephone 671 846 204 Marbella, meet Friday - telephone 952 883 097

For General Enquires tel 902881070 or visit us at www.spainsouth.legionbranches.net New Branches are req in Cadiz & Ronda areas if you can help please phone 653108415.

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Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts Quantum of Solace Starring; Daniel Craig

Film Review

'Quantum of Solace' continues the trepid adventures of James Bond from 'Casino Royale'. Picking up literally hours after the previous film left off, after being betrayed by Vesper, the woman he loved, 007 fights the urge to make his latest mission personal. Daniel Craig plays the role of James Bond superbly for the second time, although this version is a more traditional Bond film. The emotional side of Bond seems to have died though, and

the plot is not as exciting as in Casino Royale. On a mission that leads him to Haiti, Austria, Italy and South America, Bond finally discovers the culprit, but not without the usual hindrances along the way, including some unexpected twists thrown in by ‘M’ herself. Although not my favourite Bond film, if you’re like me you even enjoy the not so good ones. So to hell with it and watch it anyway! Star Rating - ***/*****

The Facecloth

I was due for a cancer smear with the doctor later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the facecloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth I the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing 16

the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, & cooking. After school when my 7 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mummy, where's my facecloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, I had all my glitter saved inside it.' NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!


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Calling in Sick

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. 'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.' 'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-pa tter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!' 'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?' There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.' So out I came, dripping wet and b utt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinat

ing dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. 'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?' If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

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New Year Quotes!

The New Year may be a significant event for many people. But the absurdities of the celebration cannot escape a skeptic's mind. Here are some funny New Year quotes.

resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Judith Crist Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.

Mark Twain New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

Anonymous Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.

Bill Vaughan Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Anais Nin I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

Brooks Atkinson Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.

P. J. O'Rourke The proper behaviour all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

James Agate New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

Eric Zorn Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.

Bill Vaughan An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

Charles Lamb New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

Oprah Winfrey Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Mark Twain New Year's Day‌ now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good 18

Joey Adams May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!

Oscar Wilde Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. Robert Paul I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.

Anonymous A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Leonard Bernstein From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

G. K. Chesterton The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.


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Open everyday for lunch and dinner

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A Direct Passage to Authentic Indian Cuisine

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For Reservation & Takeaway Tel: 952 810 796

Centro Plaza Local 64, Nueva Andalucia, (Opposite Bull Ring), Puerto Banus


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Axces Property Direct is a NEW advertising property website for selling, renting or exchanging your property direct to the buyer. The internet has made selling your home easier than you ever thought. As over 80% of people now use the internet to find their next property selling your property direct is becoming more and more popular worldwide. Our Standard Service allows you to list your property direct to our website, uploading your own photographs and description for only 99 Euros plus IVA. Or alternatively our Premier Service will provide you with a quality online property brochure that includes photographs, property description, room dimensions, floor plan and more. We will advertise your property on our website, and other international property portals as well as

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local magazines in Spain. Prices start from 249 Euros plus IVA. Selling direct can save you thousands of Euros as we do not charge any commission fees! We all know that property sales take much longer these days which is why more than ever before your property needs to STAND OUT from the crowd. It is time to invest in the sale of your property and use the Premier Service from Axces Property Direct. The January “blues� are only around the corner; this is the time when many people start looking to change jobs, change homes and change countries, make sure your property is listed on www.axcespropertydirect.com. Please feel free to call or email Michelle to find out more about selling or renting your property DIRECT.


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pool heat pumps

UPVC windows and doors CCTV

ast he Co t g n i y ! Suppl years 0 2 r o f


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ECLIPSE

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A WARM & FRIENDLY WELCOME LIVE FOOTBALL ON 50” WIDE SCREEN TV’S PUB TYPE ATMOSPHERE

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 9am ‘til midnight Fri & Sat - 9am ‘til late

BEAT THE RECESSION

Come and visit us opposite La Colonia Western End - Sabinillas Paseo A new Bar in Sabinillas called Eclipse has now opened its doors. Offering a warm and friendly atmosphere, we are open 7 days a week from 9am ‘til late. To help our customers with the

A L L D R IN K S 1 EUR O EA C H

credit crunch all drinks are only 1 euro. So come and visit us and enjoy some live music and our selection of live sports which are shown on our two 50” plasma TV’s.

We would like to wish all our Customers and Readers a Happy and Prosperous New Year Darren & Sharon


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Tropical & Freshwater Fish Pond & Tank Maintenance Funky Aquariums Installations Live Aquatic Plants Accessories Holiday Feeding Service Opening Hours: Mon, Tues, Thur & Fri 10am - 2pm & 5pm - 8pm Wed 10am - 2pm Sat 10am - 3pm Closed Sundays

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Tel: 952 884 953 or 637 434 146 www.thefishfactoryspain.com

C/Guadalmansa 3, Cancelada Pueblo

(Cancelada rounabout off N340, past Mundo Studios. Turn right at the junction. Opposite El Carnicero turn right towards the Pharmacy and restaurants. The fish factory is located on the street on the left.)


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C W UT 10% IT H &B O TH L FF IS OW AD D VE RY RT

Open Tue - Sat 10am till late

UNISEX HAIR SALON PELUQUERIA

NAIL SALON SALON DE UNAS Tel: Charmain for an appointment on 952936807 or 697968050 acute_hair@hotmail.com

Nails by Sonia Pink & White Acrylic Nails Gel Nail Extensions Manicures

JA N T S 31

‘TIL N O stunning range of Visit Geminis and discover the absolutely OW N handbags, jewellery, pashminas ALE and fabulous gift ideas..... S Y R at unbelievable low prices A So much style U N E JA range of gold and silver coloured detachable See ourIV unique S S MA bra straps, some with diamante stone (real bling) We also have a stylish gift selection for the man in your life So much SPARKLE for so little money


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Have you over done it this X-mas?

Colonic Irrigation - Weight Loss, IBS & Constipation, Boosts Immune System, Removes Toxins Electro Lymph Therapy - Arthritus, Swelling, Cellulite, Breathing Problems Food Intoelrance/Allergy Test 120+ foods, Vitamins & Minerals, Toxicity Test Nutri-Cleanse San Pedro Clinic: 952 85 38 38 Mobile: 628 298 201 www.nutri-cleanse.com nutri-cleanse@hotmail.co.uk

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Receive 10% Discount with this advert

!! N O OW

Designer Bedding and Accessories at very affordable prices Great selection of Readymade Curtains, Duvet Sets, Pillows, Cushions, Towels, Throws and Much More..... Curtain Poles supplied and fitted We now Stock Mattresses & Memory Foam Mattress Toppers

N E L A YS R A U JAN The Curtain & Mercadona Bedding Co To Cadiz

Gasolinera Campsa

N340

To Malaga

Monday to Friday 10am to 7pm Saturday & Bank Hol 10am to 4pm Tel: 952 897 477 Mobile: 652 018 623


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BROWNS CARVERY & RESTAURANT in Duquesa Port

Evening Carvery A La Carte Menu 3 course Traditional Sunday Lunch Chef Specials Kids M enu

Wed to Sat - FREE glass of house wine or small local beer Mon & Tue - Closed Wed to Fri 18:30 to 22:30 Sat 13:00 to 21:00 Sun 13:00 to 20:00 Tel: 952 890 597

Browns Traditional Carvery restaurant offers a variety of dishes from delicious roasts to fresh fish dishes, freshly prepared vegetables and other special dishes.

At Browns restaurant we offer a warm welcome, good value and an experience that will ensure that you and your family enjoy great food and relish some relaxed quality time.

Check our special daily dishes and throughout winter from Wednesday to Saturday until April 2009 we are offering a free glass of wine or a small local lager.

We can also offer an outside catering service with all your favourites. We will remain closed Monday and Tuesday throughout winter. Wednesday’s from 18:30 we offer our full carvery and a la carte menu with a free

glass of wine or beer. Thursday’s we have our full carvery menu, special dishes and our a la carte menu, you can also join our quiz from 21:30 and win fun prizes. Friday’s we offer you our traditional fish and chip night with mushy peas, just like the fish and chip shop, as well as our normal carvery. On Saturday’s we open for lunch from 13:00 with a special hotpot, lasagne and our a la carte menu and our full evening carvery is available from 18:00 to 21:00. And on Sunday’s we are open from 13:00 to 20:00 when we serve our traditional sunday roast from our carvery with a selection of deserts to finish with. For great british cooking and an enjoyable experience come and visit us at Browns Carvery and Restaurant in Duquesa Port.


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On request unusual items can be sourced

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Supply to charitable organisations for fund raising events

A Selection of Unique and desirable collectables from the world of music, theatre and sport. Lots of rare items.

A Huge collection at South Coast Storage, Estepona Poligono (by top roundabout) or view the website www.centralmemorabilia.com To view call Lee on 667 387 082


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PELUQUERIA - HAIR SALON LADIES - GENTS - CHILDREN 666 727 214 BY LUCINDA SALON DE UNAS - NAIL SALON GEL NAILS 615 845 061

Puerto de Estepona Upper level next to newsagent 951 318 290

The Irish Fiddler would like to wish all their customers a Happy and Prosperous New Year

Live music weekends GAA games - Sky Sports Home cooked Food

Estepona Port the Irish Singing Pub


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B.B. SATELLITE INSTALLATIONS

We would like to wish al Happy and Prosper

One of the longest established satellite companies in Southern Spain

Fully qualified TV and Satellite Engineers

All equipment, installations and repairs are fully guaranteed


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Individual Community Sky Box Packages

wish all our customers a rosperous New Year Fault finding Repairs Installation TV’s

rs ers

are

Estepona based Tel/Fax: 952 792 320 Mobile: 627 288 578 bolou@bbsatellite.com


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Telephone 952 797 412

Avda de Espana 3 Locale 12 Edif Mirasol Estepona

(Estepona beachside in Mirasol Center Opposite Banco Santander)

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Internet - Fax - Photocopies Wireless Connection Mobile Phone Recharge SIM Cards - Sky TV Phoneless Internet Computer Sales, Repairs & Upgrades (Free Quotes) Open Monday to Friday 10am to 7pm Saturday & Sunday 11am to 4pm

English & Spanish Spoken

email: amigosinternetcafe@gmail.com www.amigosinternetcafe.com

SEA FRONT - SABINILLAS “The Number One Sports Bar”

SignsRus Wishes everybody, Health , Happyness & Good Business in 2009

Van’s, Boats, Light boxes, 3D Lettering, Streetsigns, Shopfronts, Windows, Billboards, Banners etc

Tel: 635 328 216 or 952 79 21 13 signsrus3@telefonica.net

The most extensive coverage of live sport in the area. View on our multiscreen system in our lounge or on the terrace.

Special Cocktail Nights

KARAOKE & “PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT” EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT Good Food Served Daily Large selection of draught & bottle beers


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SMALL DOG BOARDING

Only three dogs at a time as they normally sleep on the bed! Nice walks and lots of cuddles. A safe, secure and loving home-from-home for your pet. (located at Bel Air)

Call Patricia at any time on T: 952 896 694 M: 638 524 110 (no texts please)


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The Reliable Professional Painters Interiors and Exteriors, Commercial and Urbanisations All Types of work undertaken Only top quality paints used All work is fully guaranteed References available Pay on completion

15% off all quotes for January ‘09

For more information & no obligation quotation Tel: 670885219 or 951273714 Email: paintbustersspain@hotmail.com

EST. 1985

www.superpoolspain.com


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Sentinella Business Services Want your company to make a splash ? Or merely a ripple ?

Sentinella Business Services ensures your business makes ONE HELL OF A SPLASH!

Flyers (double sided & full colour) 1,000 ..... Only 165 € 2,500 ..... Only 199 € 5,000 ..... Only 230 € 10,000 .....Only 280 € Double sided Business Cards (full gloss) 500 from 140 €

Special offers for

The Sentinella

magazine advertisers

Sentinella Business Services

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Mucky Pups

Dog grooming services Cuts for mucky pups of just a shampoo to freshen up your pet Dog Walking Service Call: Joanne O’Neil 620 698 717 or 951 893 401 info@muckypups.eu www.muckypups.eu

Calle Tapies 3, Duquesa Altos, Sabinillas.

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PROTECTING YOUR ASSETS IN SPAIN

W H A T D O Y O U E X P E C T F R O M Y O U R IN S U R A N C E ? Exceptional Service Instant Cover Competitive Prices

No Claims discounts Loyalty discounts Documents in English

With Silverline Insurance you get all this and more.....

Call today for your free no obligation quote 951 276 233 or 664 442 629 Email: info@silverlineinsurance.com www.silverlineinsurance.com

car - home - travel - marine - commercial - health

Silverline Insurance is a new company to the area. The business is owned and operated by Diane Crookes, formally an employee of Abbeygate Insurance. Diane still works closely with the Directors of Abbeygate to bring you the best insurance products the industry has to offer.

As well as comprehensive insurance products, Diane is committed to providing excellent service. She believes it is crucial for people to trust & believe in a company and the products it offers. Silverline offers third party only and fully comprehensive insurance cover for both

UK & Spanish plated vehicles along with an optional emergency breakdown recovery service. Home insurance for buildings, contents or both is provided by one of the leading underwriters for permanent homes, as well as cover for second/holiday homes for personal use or rented out as holiday lets or long term rentals. In addition, Silverline offer travel insurance, marine insurance and commercial cover . If you would like more information about any of the products and services Silverline offer, contact Diane directly on 951 276 233 or 664 442 629. Alternatively, email diane@silverlineinsurance.com or visit www.silverlineinsurance.com if preferred.


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REMOVALS - STORAGE

DEPOTS: SOTOGRANDE, ALICANTE, UNITED KINGDOM

Weekly removal service Spain-Uk-Spain Local, national, adn worldwide removals Over 20 years experience Experts in packing antiques and fine arts Storage of furniture, personal effects, documents etc Sotogrande

952 854242 600 362920

Fax

952 854243

NOW UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT


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Dry Secure Containerised Storage Single Items to Full Households Small Document Archive Storage Local and UK Removals Office and Catering Equipment Security Shredding

WELCOME TO SOUTHCOAST STORAGE

South Coast Storage offers a simple and pratical solution to all your storage problems. Whether you are moving home or office and need space for a large number of items, or just a small amount of space to store paperwork archives, we can help and advise you.

Organise your own removals or give us a call and we will send a free quote. We will move single items or full house loads locally, or transport to and from the UK regularly.

We offer strong secure storage. Fully alarmed with CCTV and guard patrol. We Store, Full household or office contents. Documents. Vehicles. Boats. Furniture. Electrical items and much more....

We sell quality packing boxes, wardrobe boxes, bubble wrap adn strong packing tape.

See our website for full details of all we can offer and online size estimator to find out how much space you need. Contact us now for expert, friendly serve. We’re here to help you! Tel: 952 798 579 or 609 777 753 Fax: 952 804 319 Email: info@southcoaststorage.com Website: www.southcoaststorage.com Address: 12-13 Calle Copernico, 29680 Estepona

(exit N340 Estepona Poligono over the bridge. At the top roundabout pull into service station forecourt. Our unit is at the rear on the left.)


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WE WOULD LIKE TO WISH ALL OUR CUSTOMERS A HAPPY NEW YEAR

Sunday Lunch 2 courses €13,95, half price child, 1:30 - 4:30 Daily specials - Get a FREE glass of wine Takeaway service available, daily deliveries, kiddies meals available Gourmet food, speedy snacks, Home made cakes and pastries Freshly made Baguettes and sandwiches Come and checkout our deli counter

Special delivery service Afternoon Tea served from 3.30 to 5.30

Dulcie’s Deli, Puerto Paraiso, Local 17, Estepona 607 116 397 / 952 794 098

OPEN EVERY DAY 8:30 am to until 8 pm

Daily selection of Fresh Cakes & Filled Rolls

NOW Serving Hot meals & Home-made Soup Estepona Port 952 80 61 47


MANILVA AUTOS S.L. Buyers and suppliers of previously loved vehicles

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See a range of cars on page 63 or see our website We can take care of the whole package including legal paperwork and insurance. All our vehicles have a pre-delivery inspection, are fully guaranteed by our own workshop, valeted and come with 12 months ITV (MOT).

Other services offered; ITV (MOT) - â‚Ź70 all in and a FREE retest Breakdown/Car recovery Valeting - Mini to Full Servicing - Minor or Major Mechanical repairs Fault finding including diagnostics Air Con re-gasing Vehicle registration Bodywork repairs Scratches to crash repairs

Poligono Industrial (opposite Shell Petrol Station) Avda Jose Martin Mendez, Calle Edison, Estepona Malaga 29680

Carettera N340 Km 143.60 El Hacho, Puerto de la Duquesa Manilva Malaga 29692

Tel: 952 890 455 610 078 910 www.manilvaautos.com


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Womens dictionary

Dictionary for womens personal ads

40 ish Adventerous Athletic Average looking Beautiful Contagious smile Emotionally secure Feminist Free spirit Friendship first Fun New age Open minded Outgoing Passionate Professional Voluptuous Large frame Wants soul mate

-

Womens English Yes No Maybe We need I am sorry We need to talk Sure, go ahead Do what you want I am not upset You’re very attentitive tonight

49 Slept with everyone No tits Ugly Pathological liar Does lots of pills On medication Fat Junkie Former very ‘friendly’ person Annoying Body hair in the wrong places Desperate Loud & embarrassing Sloppy drunk Bitch Very fat Hugely fat Stalker

-

Mens English I am hungry I am sleepy I am tired Nice dress I love you I am bored May i have this dance Can i call you sometime Do you want to go to a movie Can i take you out to dinner Those shoes don’t go with that outfit

No Yes No I want You’ll be sorry You’re in trouble You better not You will pay for this later Of course i’m upset, you moron! Is sex all you ever think about? -

I am hungry I am sleepy I am tired Nice cleavage Lets have sex now Do you want to have sex? I’d like to have sex with you I’d like to have sex with you I’d like to have sex with you I’d like to have sex with you I’m gay


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Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts. Thank you.

Government Health Warning

DONT SWALLOW CHEWING GUM!

The miracle of toilet paper

Fresh from her shower, she stood in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts were too small.Instead of characteristically telling her, it's not so, he came up with a suggestion.If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'. Willing to try anything, she fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror,

rubbing it between her breasts. 'How long will this take?' she asked.They will grow larger over a period of years,' her husband replies. She stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your backside, didn't it?'

www.thesentinella.com

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To advertise in The Sentinella call 680315403 / 638318667

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www.thesentinella.com


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To advertise in The Sentinella call 680315403 / 638318667

Pet Health Page

The Dangers of Winter Cold to Pets It’s that time of year again when temperatures take a dive and cold winds blow. While most pets are equipped with their own natural coat that helps to protect them from the cold, in chilly temperatures pets may get into trouble looking for a warm spot to rest. Pets that are very old, very young, or who have medical issues such as diabetes or thyroid disease should also be protected from cold temperatures. Cold Temperatures Can Affect Your Pet’s Health While cats and dogs do not get flu type illnesses, their overall health can become affected if they are continually in cold weather. The energy it takes to stay warm for long periods of time can affect the immune system, result in unhealthy weight loss, and affect the health of your pet’s skin and coat. Overtime, a pet may become more susceptible to skin infections, ear infections, and illnesses if it is constantly in cold weather; this is especially true if a pet is not being fed a premium high quality diet and if the pet already has a compromised immune system. Cold Temperatures Can Affect Your Pet’s Safety Cold can be a danger to pets that are strong, healthy, and in the prime of their life. However the danger here is not to the pet’s health, it is to the pet’s safety. Animals will often seek out warm spots in cold weather, just as people do. These warm spots could just be a place in the sun on the outdoor patio, or in could be in a more precarious area such as in them middle of an asphalt road that has been warmed by the sun throughout the day, or in a car whose engine still radiates heat well into the night. Many unnecessary pet accidents

and deaths occur during the winter time when pets are just seeking a warm spot to rest. What You Can Do To Protect Your Pet from the Cold Outdoor pets face the greatest health and safety hazards from cold temperatures, but if you have an outdoor pet there are a few simple things you can do to help minimize these dangers. Begin by creating a warm safe spot that your pet is comfortable in. Try to place this spot in an area that is protected by the wind, and make sure that your pet has plenty of blankets or a bed to keep him or her off the cold ground. Most pets do not like a completely enclosed structure, so try to create a space that is open but protected from the rain and wind. Your pet will be more inclined to rest in this spot if you feed your pet near this area. You can also help your pet stay warm by purchasing a hot water bottle and freshening it up with hot water a few times during the day and especially before bed. Outdoor dogs are usually protected from some of the hazards of cold weather because they are often contained in an enclosure or fence. Cats however are often in danger of being run over by cars when they sleep on the warm asphalt or in danger of becoming injured when they crawl into a car to keep warm. You can help to reduce these dangers to an outdoor cat by ensuring that your cat also has a warm safe place to rest during the day. In the mornings before you start your car, bang on your car a few times to ensure that your cat is not under the hood; you may also want to ask your neighbor to do the same thing if you are concerned that your cat may be warming up in the neighbor’s auto. 51 www.thesentinella.com


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To advertise in The Sentinella call 680315403 / 638318667

Warm dinners can also help your outside dog or cat to stay toasty throughout a long cold night. Many pet owners heat up rice and chicken dinners for their dogs, and cats love beef, turkey, or chicken baby food that has been slightly warmed. A warmed chicken or fish dinner would also help your outside dog or cat to stay warm and healthy during the winter months Indoor cats and dogs are often protected from the coldest temperatures, but older and younger indoor pets would still benefit from a warm place to rest. Again, a few blankets and/or a bed, with a hot water bottle, will help your indoor pet to stay warm. This is especially beneficial to older cats or dogs who may be suffering from arthritis or just the usual aches and pains of age. Try to stay away from electrical sources of heat

such as heating pads; these devices can often become too hot for pets, and they have been known to cause burns when pets fall asleep on them for long periods of time. While these techniques take some extra effort and time, they can help to ensure that your pet stays safe during these cold months. - wishing all pet owners and their animal companions Happy Holidays and a very Happy New Year. About the Author: Suzanne Gardner is a veterinarian technician, professional freelance writer, and she has a Bachelor Degree in Animal Science from the University of Florida. She has over 14 years of experience working with animals and volunteering for various animal organizations.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

We Say ... They Say

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs? When you open a new bag of cotton

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When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

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Funny Thoughts

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs? When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible? Why is it so hard to remember how to

spell MNEMONIC?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Cars for Sale

Suzuki Jimny 4x4 Cabriolet 2002, full service history, Lady owner, 58,000 km, Burgundy colour with white hard top roof, air con, electric windows, central locking, alloy wheels, very good condition, great price for only 6,999â‚Ź. Tel: 0034 647590566

Peugeot 206 1.4, Silver, Air conditioned,CD player, Electric widows, 2 ½ years old. ITV Feb 2010, 8700 euros. Call 671100911

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The Good, Bad & Ugly

This month we go straight to P’s because I couldn’t think of any N’s. The Good

Paella – If there’s ever a dish that is worth pigging into here in Spain, it has to be Paella. The natives certainly know how to prepare this rice based meal with the utmost skill and care. Paella traditionally consisted of rabbit meat and vegetables, but nowadays it is not uncommon to taste the seafood variety, swamped with large prawns, muscles and clams. I often thank the Gods as I shovel fork-loads into my mouth for Sunday lunch. If you live anywhere near Nerja you’ll find a giant paella or three cooking at Ayos on Burriana Beach. The place has become quite famous in recent years!

Processions – Some say these are spectacular and I suppose if you really weigh it all up, they are, although I have to admit to finding them a little Dullsville. However, that’s just because I’m more of a parade kind of chick. Give me colour, flamboyance and upbeat music over melancholy drum beats, dismal costume and a weighty atmosphere any day. Semana Santa is the most popular procession of Spain when tears are shed as heavy statues of religious figures are hauled along streets followed by morbid bands and children holding candles. It tends to like to rain at this time of the year, which is typical.

The Bad

abodes?! A few years ago Brits were flocking to Spain to take advantage of cheap property prices, but now the tide is changing and they aren’t much better value than in the UK. Like anything in this life, there are always fluctuating trends, so we’ll just have to ride this one out. Powercuts – Sudden and unwelcome darkness has always been a pet hate of mine, especially as it always arrives at the most awkward moments. Out come the candles and the torch (if I can find them). After ten minutes of blindly rummaging in various drawers and cupboards, breaking valuable possessions in the process, finally I have my hands on the torch. It’s then that the lights decide to grace us with their presence once more. AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!! The Ugly

Ponginess (a self invented word) – Having an ultra sensitive sense of smell, the pongs that waft from bins in Spanish towns and cities do cause me some distress. I mean the ‘stomach churning’ kind of smells that make one feel a tad queasy and have you searching for the nearest loo (just in case). In some towns now, such as Torre del Mar, the bins have been moved underground, which is the best place for them. Parking – Come summer the ridiculous parking chore rears its ugly wart-ridden head once more. What hell! Smart cars are definitely the way forward, either that or Matchbox…!

Property Prices – Wow! How these have spiralled in recent years. Just how many of us are finding it hard to shift our 54 www.thesentinella.com


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Amazing Animals

This month we giddy up and saddle down to look at the Horse.

Horses belong to the equus family. Equus comes from the ancient Greek word meaning quickness. Horses are mammals in the same family as zebras, mules and donkeys. An average life span for a horse is around 20 -25 years, though they can live for up to 30 years. The oldest recorded horse was "Old Billy," an English barge horse, who lived to be 62 years old. *Horses don't have gall bladders. *Horses can see colour. *The teeth of a horse take up more

space in the head than the brain. *Human hair and fingernails are made from the same protein as horse hooves. *Horses hooves grow about 1/4 inch per a month, taking almost a year to grow from coronet to ground. *The only mode of transportation on the Greek island of Hydra are horses and ponies. *Horses are more comfy when facing the rear of the trailer they are riding in. *Manhole covers were originally designed with raised surfaces to keep horses from slipping.

Silly Laws *In New York City, it is illegal to open or close an umbrella in the presence of a horse. *Blowing your nose around horses is a no-no in Waterville, Maine and Leahy, Washington. *Human females weighing over 200 pounds, when wearing shorts, may not legally ride a horse in Markanville, Illinois. It's women wearing kimonos who can't ride down a public street in Raton, New Mexico. *Saco, Missouri prohibits scary hats so you won't frighten horses, and Steadfield, Michigan bans riders from wearing masks and being unshaven.

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To advertise in The Sentinella call 680315403 / 638318667 Emergency Numbers: General Emergencies Medical Emergency National Police Local Police Guardia Civil Fire Brigade Hospitals: Costa del Sol Maternity

Flight Information: Malaga Airport Info & Departures Arrivals T2 Arrivals T1 Gibraltar Airport Information Town Halls: Malaga Marbella San Pedro Estepona

Tourist Information: Marbella San Pedro Estepona

Consulates: Britain Ireland Germany France USA Italy Sweden 56

Local Information

952 048 804 952 048 844 952 048 845

Weekly Market Days Monday Marbella (near football stadium) Tuesday Puerto Banus Wednesday Estepona Town Thursday San Pedro de Alcantara Saturday Nueva Andalucia (near the bullring) Estepona (C.C. Diana) Sunday Estepona Port Sotogrande (new marina) Ronda Sabinillas

952 952 952 952

Bus Stations Marbella San Pedro Estepona Sotogrande

112 061 091 092 062 080 952 862 748 951 030 200

956 773 026 135 761 453 801

000 100 020 100

952 771 442 952 785 252 952 822 818 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 363 226 474 306 604

300 108 591 590 891 150 383

Transport

Trains Timetable & Enquiries Taxis Marbella San Pedro Estepona Sabinillas Sotogrande

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952 952 952 902

360 781 800 450

191 396 249 550

902 240 202 952 952 952 952 956

764 774 802 892 616

400 488 900 900 078


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Star Signs

Mystic Mag starts all over again to tell you what’s new for January 09… Capricorn – The moon has moved in to your ‘good for nothing’ chart and it will remain that way for most of the year in fact. Hard cheese! Lucky sign – A ray of sun

Cancer – Education is the key to success so why not check out what long distance learning courses are available to you as you fizzle your lifeless days away. Lucky sign – Learning something (anything…)

Aquarius – You are planning a big move, but make sure you wait until the moment is right as otherwise disaster could loom. Lucky sign – Tick Tock

Leo – Don’t get too excited too soon, as excitement is a very clever feeling, that doesn’t like to show its face too much. Best off to be less excited and feel the calm. Lucky sign – Yo man!

Aries – Be careful of your money this month. It doesn’t grow on trees, so it’s no good pretending that it does. And in any case, all trees wither from time to time. Lucky sign – Fruits

Libra – Nobody likes being wrong, least of all you Librans. But unfortunately we all are from time to time and it’s your turn. Lucky sign – Wrong with a capital W

Pisces – This year you want to get married, but first you must find a partner that can endure you throughout the years ahead. So get looking. Lucky sign – Speed dating?

Taurus – If the pen has run out of ink then buy a new pen. It’s really not that difficult. Lucky sign – A new pen (lid and all)

Gemini – If you want to fix it then it must be broken. Don’t try and fix something that isn’t broken, as that won’t work in the law of all averages. Lucky sign – Glue

Virgo – Everything that happens for you in January is really, totally meant to be. It will all just unravel, as if it was waiting all along for the right time to happen. Lucky sign – Cotton reel

Scorpio – The year bursts into action for you Scorpions and sets the scene for the whole of 2009. Lucky sign – Vroooooom

Sagittarius – I’m not picking up anything for you Sags this month. That either means that nothing much is going to happen at all, or it’s out of my radar. Lucky sign – Aliens

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Get Quizical

Puzzle Page

1. What is the state capital of Florida?

2. What letter of the Greek Alphabet is the equivalent to K?

3. What does the abbreviation Bt stand for?

4. Which animal has the scientific name lutra lutra?

mattress?

6. What do you get between sunrise and sunset? Answers on the bottom of Page 59

Suduko Each line must contain the nos 1 to 9.

3 4

5. What is 12 on the Beaufort Scale?

9

6. Which boxers nickname is Dark Destroyer?

3

7. What is the date of St George’s Day?

8. In Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, how many tales were there?

5

9. What is the chemical symbol for tin?

8

10. What is a cocktail of egg white and Grenadine called? Riddle Diddles

1. Paris starts with a P and ends with an E. Explain.

2. What can you always find in the middle of a taxicab? 3. Is the sentence "This statement is false" true or false? 4. What would you get if you crossed a weeping willow with a nun? 5. What sickness can you get from a

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1 7 5

8

9

1

7

4 7 5 7 6

4

8 2 3

2

2 5 1

8

3 7

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3

4

7

8 1 7

7 9 3

5 4 5

5

6 1 8

3 2 9

8 1

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Jokes

A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan?' 'Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I'm a Man Utd fan too!' 'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time… What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?' 'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan. ---------------------------------------------------A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'. The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the

meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their over seas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'. The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!' The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!' ..............................................................

Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife 'They're on offer, only £10 for 24 cans', he says. 'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping... A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man, 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says. The man replies...'BUT SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F***ING PRICE' Get Quizical Answers 1. Tallahassee 2. Kappa 3. Baronet 4. The Otter 5. A Hurricane 6. Nigel Benn 7. 23rd April 8. 24 9. sn 10. Pink Lady

Riddle Diddle Answers 1. Paris begins with p and the word ends begins with the letter e 2. The letter I 3. Paradox 4. A sob sister 5. Spring fever 6. Sunburned

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The Sentinella Business Directory

AIRCONDITIONING

Coolwaves Airconditioning and heating, installation, servie and repair, for domestic, commercial and vehicle. Call 952897617 or 663402836 email: coolwavesaircon@yahoo.co.uk

AIRPORT PARKING

Chipsaway, Airport parking, car valeting/cleaning and paintwork repairs. Call 952105266 www.airportparkingmalaga.com

BARS

Bar Med Sports Bar, Seafont - Sabinillas, live sports coverage. Irish Fiddler, Estepona Port

CARS WANTED

Wanted all UK plated vehicles, year 2000 onwards 667235205

CASINO

Mobile fun cssinos, for all functions. Call: 660951099 www.mobilecasinonights.com

CATERING

Blu Catering, for all your catering needs. Tel: 951278357 or 662493186 www.blu-catering.com

CURTAIN & BEDDING

Sailors, Estepona Port, 952806147

The Bedding & Curtain Co, curtains, poles, bedding, accessories, measuring fitting and pressing service. Call 952897477 or 630559831

BOATS & BERTHS

DELI’s

Eclipse Bar, Western End, Sabinillas

Boats and Berths for sale, best prices. Tel: 679260870 email: tradersol@yahoo.co.uk

CAR BREAKDOWN & RECOVERY

Uniplant, Car recovery, breakdown & transport service Tel: 952801875 or 678194169 www.uniplant.es uniplant@aol.es

CAR SALES

Manilva autos, buyers and suppliers of loved vehicles Tel: 952890455 or 610078910

CAR AND VAN RENTAL

One way van hire, Uk, France and Spain call 952 541 147

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Dulcie Deli, for daily delicious food. Tel 952794098 or 607116397

DOG BOARDING

Dog boarding, for all small dogs needs Tel: 952896694 or 638524110

DOG GROOMING

Mucky Pups dog grooming service Tel: 620698717 or 951893401

DRAINS & WATER LEAKS

Pipetek, for all blockages, leaks or damp investigations & repairs. One number all areas call 952891248 website: www.pipetek.net

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Drain and Leak Solutions, High pressure water jetting, Leak detection and repairs, septic tank problems and installation. Tel: 951310111 or 651111005 www.drainandleak.com

ELECTRICIAN

Apprentice Trained Electrician 25 years experience, Fault Finding, Rewires, etc, Telephone Electric Ian on 650 151 569

FISH & AQUARIUMS

Fish Factory, tropical & fresh water fish Tel: 952884953 or 637434146

FUNERALS & WEDDINGS

Maria Read, funerals & weddings, individual arrangements. Religious, humanist or without. Call 952885373 or 657081522

GIFTS

Geminis, for gifts, handbags, jewellery and much more. Tel: 690335344 Central Memorabilia, Estepona Poligono, unique and desirable collectables Tel: 667 387 082

HAIR & BEAUTY

Sizzazz Hair Salon. Estepona Puerto Tel: 951318290 Acute Hair and Beauty, Sabinillas Tel: 952936807 697968050

HEALTH

Nutricleanse, Colonic Irrigation, Electro Lumphatic Drainage, Food Allergy Tests, Holistic Coach, Beautician. Tel: 952853838 or 628298201 email: nutricleanse@hotmail.co.uk

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INSURANCE

Silverline Insurance, for car, home, travel, health, & more Tel: 951276233 or 664442629

INTERNET CAFE

Amigos Internet Cafe, Avda de Espana 3, Locale 12, Edif Mirasol, Estepona Tel: 952797412

INTERNET SERVICES

Riosat:SL, No landline required. Internet and telephone services. Some areas free installation. Call 951 239 310 / 626 679 018 Email:info@riosat.com www.riosat.com

MARBLE FLOOR POLISHING

JC Marble Clean. Marble Floor Polishing. Marble Floor Grinding. Call: 600 631 871

MASSAGE

Sensual, Energising & Tantric massages Tel: 669894550 or 696232533

PAINTING & DECORATING

Casa Complete. Interior & Exterior painting Tel: 952461423 or 663362883 or 627328576

Paintbusters, reliable and proffessional painters for interior and exterior work Tel: 670885219 or 951273714

PARTY FUN

Aguaspheres, the latest new craze on the costa del sol Tel: 693579690

PET COURIER

Pet Courier, UK, France, Spain door to door Tel: 667235205

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BB Satellite Installations, Individual, Community, Sky boxes & packages Tel: 952792320 or 627288578

POOL TABLES

Superpools. Tel: 629530233 www.superpoolspain.com

PRINTERS

Digiprint, for all your printing needs Tel: 952800410 or 951316774 www.digi-print.es info@digi-print.es

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT

Casa Complete. Property Managment Tel: 952461423 or 663362883 or 627328576

PROPERTY SALES & RENTAL

BHV Property sales and rentals. www.beautifulholidayvillas.com

Axces Property Direct Tel: 625346200 info@axcespropertydirect.com

REMOVALS & STORAGE

DHS Sound & Vision, satellite installation Tel: 662100300

Paul Anderson Sky Digital, Tel 952464378, 657081492 email: paulanderson@skydigital.es

Sky Shop, Torre del Mar, - Call 667 235 205 or 952 541 147 Total Satellite Installations, call Phil 629556266 or email: philbraid@hotmail.com Electric ian - All Satellite Installations All areas covered, free Quotes Telephone Ian on 650 151 569

.

SATELLITE REPAIRS

Prima European Removals, Local, National and Worldwide Tel: 952854242 or 600362920

Reece Electronics, digibox repairs, hard drive upgrades. Call 952939198 or 607383578 email: reeceelectronics@yahoo.com

RESTAURANTS

Fortress Security, steelwork, gate automation, air conditioning and maintenance Tel: 952 931 128 or 952 933 234

Southcoast Storage, Estepona Poligono Tel: 952 798 579 or 609 777 753

Passage to India, Neuva Andalucia. Tel: 952810796

Maharaha’s, Puerto de Estepona Tel: 952801452 Browns Carvery, La Duquesa Port. Tel: 952890597

Taj Mahal, Puerto de la Duquesa, Tel: 952890651 or 606705728

SATELLITE TV

Kings Klub, for all your satellite requirements including viewing cards, digiboxes, dishes. Call: 951273538 website: www.kingsklub.com ‘We treat everyone like royalty’

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SECURITY

SIGNS

SignsRus, for all your signage requirements Tel: 952792113 or 635328216

TRANSPORT

SG Transport, private removals, local, national & international work. Call 952461074 or 661544077 email: info@simongeetransport.com

WELLBEING

Helen Nightingale, Cognitive Behavioural Self Help. Call 01624617740 or 07624303570 website www.cbtwellbeing.com

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MANILVA AUTOS S.L. Buyers and suppliers of previously loved vehicles

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Guaranteed used cars - Part exchange welcome We pay cash for cars - new stock urgently required 2003 Mini Cooper 9 999€

2002 Jaguar SType 3 9 999€

2004 Renault Kangoo Combi 5 999€

2003 Ford Focus TDCi 5 499€

1999 Volkswagon Lupo 1 4 499€

2003 Volvo XC90 3 19 999€

Tel: 952 890 455 6100 78910 www.manilvaautos.com

Poligono Industrial (opposite Shell Petrol Station) Avda Jose Martin Mendez, Calle Edison, Estepona Malaga 29680 Carettera N340 Km 143.60 El Hacho, Puerto de la Duquesa Manilva Malaga 29692


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The Costa West Sentinella Jan 09  

The Costa West Sentinella Jan 09

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