The Anniston Star ● Sunday, November 11, 2012 ● Page 6E
SUNDAY RECORD YOUR GUIDE TO PUBLIC RECORDS AND VITAL STATISTICS IN CALHOUN COUNTY
Larry Joe Barnwell, Piedmont Cecil E. Benefield, Lineville Donald Benjamin, North Carolina Robert Edward Brewster, Ohatchee Gary Gene Buttram, Anniston Barbara Ruth Byard, Alexandria Michael Calhoun, Talladega Douglas Wayne Cartmill, Oxford Dr. Samuel F. Crabtree, Anniston Shelia Hughes Crawford, Oxford Margueritte Criswell, Oxford Helen Voncile “Bonnie” Freeman, Pelham Sharron Thomas Garrett, Jacksonville Velma Jean De Geronimo, Weaver Polly Goodwin, Weaver Shirley Jean Lindsey Graham, Greenville, N.C. Sidney J. Green, Jacksonville Alice V. Grissom, Anniston Stanley Alan Guess, Guntersville Gary Gene Hand, Roanoke Harry Truman Harmon, Roanoke Judy Martin Hyatt, Anniston William Wesley “Bill” Jones, Oxford Kassidy Denise Kirby, Annis-
ton Mildred Luker, Lineville Alvie Rhee Maness, Cedar Bluff Frances Newell Martin, Anniston Iola Moten, Talladega James Parker, Anniston Deborah Diane Phillips, Trussville Carolyn Pointer, Talladega Jerry R. Putnam, Muscadine Helen Ray, Piedmont Jean Fincher Ricks, Florida Tech. Sgt. (Ret.) William Russell Robinson, Jacksonville Barbara Jean Roper, Anniston David Russell, Weaver Retired MSG Benjamin Garfield Shelnutt, Ohatchee Lucille Betts Simpson, Anniston Catherine Smith, Talladega Josephine Neyman Tillery, Leesburg Jimmie Tyree, Oxford Evelyn Jane Westbrook, Centre Virginia Williams, Anniston Mary Jim Worthy, Birmingham
RATE OF BANKRUPTCIES 15 15
A Chapter 7 bankruptcy allows the debtor to retain certain exempt property, but the debtor’s remaining property is gathered and sold by a trustee from which creditors will receive payment. It may also be used by businesses which wish to terminate their business. A Chapter 13 bankruptcy enables debtors, through court supervision and protection, to propose and carry out a repayment plan under which creditors are paid, in full or in part, in installments over a three-year period. During that time, debtors are prohibited from starting or continuing collection efforts. The following bankruptcies declared by Calhoun County residents were recorded by U.S. Bankruptcy Court Northern District of Alabama last week:
• Donnie N. Frazier, Oak Lane, Anniston • David Marion Dillon and Amber Singer Dillon, Seven Springs Road, Jacksonville • Henry A. Cottingham Jr., Crane Avenue, Anniston • Kenneth Kwang Park, Polkville Drive, Anniston • Denise W. Hyatt, Hidden Hills Lane, Anniston
• Joey Scott Camp of Anniston to Kacie Marie Lee of Anniston • Rodericus Quintez Thomas of Alexandria to Hannah Faith Hollaway of Alexandria • Jeremy Dale Weaver of Centre to Erika Jordyn Maddox of Piedmont • Corey Thomas Morrison of Jacksonville to Ashley Elyse Norton of Jacksonville • Brian Lamar Harrelson of Jacksonville to Ginger Leigh Green of Oxford • David Hugh Lashley of Anniston to Wil-
low Marie Dobson of Anniston • Alex James Wojnarowski of Anniston to Heather Nicole Pressley of Anniston • Walter Kenneth Wright of Alexandria to Kelly Nicole Bryan of Alexandria • Christopher Renee Jacobs Jr. of Eastaboga to Tiffany Latrece Garrett of Anniston • Patrick Norman Moore of Eastaboga to Amy Michelle Leahey of Oxford • QuintoyreeMarquise Gladden of Anniston to Putra Portia Collins Perry of Anniston
Cows: Breakers 71.00 to 77.00; Boners 78.50 to 83.50; Lean 66.00 to 70.00. Bulls: Normal Dressing 5458% 86.00 to 91.00; High Dressing >58% 95.00 to 101.00; Low Dressing
• Global Compliance Management Group Inc. • TST Mobile Home Park LLC
Dissolved • Ted’s Remodeling LLC
The Anniston Star
The material inside the Sunday Record is recorded by The Anniston Star from various institutions and government offices. The public records are published as they appeared on the documents obtained by the newspaper. Direct questions and comments about Sunday Record to Isaac Godwin at jgodwin@ jsu.edu.
sion, block 2, lot 3. • William W. Smith, Plainview subdivision, block 5, lots 6 and 8. • Gary L. Edwards and Donna C. Edwards, Pelham Heights, 1st addition, lot 14. • David J. Livingston and Shanna Livingston, Dugger View subdivision, lots 7 and 8.
• William C. Brooks and Mary Brooks, a parcel of land in section 17, township 15, range 6. • Julian W. Jenkins, Anita Jenkins and Encasa Real Estate Sales & Development LLC, The Cottages, lots 105 and 106; Sunset Heights, Fairway addition, block 1, lots 4-6.
FAITH Every Saturday
66 33 0
52 weeks ago
Bulls and steers (Medium and Large No. 1 and No. 2): 200-300 lbs. 165.00 to 232.00; 300-400 lbs. 160.00 to 226.00; 400-500 lbs. 145.00 to 190.00; 500-600 lbs. 126.00 to 160.00; 600700 lbs. 110.00 to 137.00. Heifers (Medium and Large No. 1 and No. 2): 200300 lbs. 140.00 to 175.00; 300-400 lbs. 130.00 to 162.50; 400-500 lbs. 124.00 to 142.50; 500-600 lbs. 110.00 to 137.00; 600-700 lbs. 106.00 to 120.00.
A crafter’s favorite corner in Sunday’s Life& Arts section
• Rochelle Hicklen and genberg Dustin Burke Hicklen • Ashleigh Alderson • Phillip Fielder and and Phillip Alderson • Ashley O. Bowman Robin Fielder • Alisa Smith and and Jerry Lee Bowman Joseph Smith • Crystal Christian and • Tammy Ann Bain and Chapter 13 Larry Maynard Bain Rayshawn Christian • Charles Crosby and Jennifer Abernathy • Jesse David Nunnal- • Julie Davidson and Crosby, Griffis Street, Anniston ly and Heather Span- John Derek Davidson • Lee Hillen Moore, McKleroy Avenue, Anniston WILLS PROBATED • James E. Rogers Jr., Afton Brae Drive, • Billy Earl Feazell • Kenneth F. Reaves Anniston • Bertie Louise Cotton • Gordon L. Sides • Margaret I. Posey • Ananise Zimmerman The Anniston Star • Zana Waits Plunkett • Edwin R. Hewett • Josephine William • Sarah J. Thrower Jones • Ronald P. Saska
Here is the livestock market report for the Tuesday sale. Receipts for this week 922 compared to 638 last week. Receipts a year ago 1278.
FORECLOSURES • Patrick B. McCrimmon and Rachael A. McCrimmon, Camp’s map of Oxford, block 4, lot 1. • Carlos Mondragon and Lisa M. Mondragon, Lenlock subdivision, block 4, lot 3. • Christopher Rogers, West Glen subdivision, block B, lot 2.
• James E. Peoples Jr. and Terri Hanvey Peoples, Indian Oaks Estates, block 4, lot 2. • Nicholas Goble and Miranda Goble, Sun Valley subdivision, 1st addition, lot 26. • Gary W. Miller and Rebecca L. Miller, Grady Vaughn addition to Lyncoya subdivi-
ARRESTS The people listed in this arrest report, whose names and charges are obtained from public records, are presumed innocent unless proven guilty in a court of law.
The following felony arrests were reported by the Anniston Police Department (addresses not provided) during the seven-day period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday. • Kevin Arthur Sanders, 27: possession of a controlled substance. • Gabrielle Dionne Walker, 25: firstdegree possession of marijuana. • Tiffany Darlene Dalton, 23: firstdegree receiving stolen property. • Randy Shane Phillips, 34: thirddegree domestic violence.
The following felony arrests were reported by the Calhoun County Sheriff’s Office during the sevenday period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday • Cornelius Jerome Munford, 26, of Anniston: 10 third-degree burglary. • Brittney Rena Carden, 22, of Anniston: third-degree burglary. • Fedrian Perry, 36, of Weaver: three counts of second-degree possession of a forged instrument. • Betsy Marie Flowers, 48, of Anniston: two counts of failure to appear in court. • Quntarious Terrell Patton, 22, of Anniston: two counts of probation revocation. • Rhonda Kaye Hass, 44, of Piedmont: probation revocation. • Daniel Dwayne Covington, 22, of
Fairfield: grand jury indictment for first-degree assault. • John Eric Hammonds Jr., 28, of Anniston: probation violation. • Thomas Houston Moore, 37, of Ohatchee: unlawful distribution of a controlled substance. • Dustin Troy Shears, 25, of Oxford: second-degree robbery. • Nicholas Jared Christian, 20, of Jacksonville: distribution of a controlled substance. • Henry Wyck Warren, 28, of Anniston: two counts of failure to appear in court for first-degree possession of marijuana and two counts of possession of a controlled substance, second-degree escape.
reported by the Jacksonville Police Department during the seven-day period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday. • Catherine Bernice Baker, 30: third-degree robbery. • Andrea Kristin Decarlo, 20: possession of a controlled substance. • Virginia Lynn Hester, 24: possession of a controlled substance. • Brandon Shane Moore, 19: possession of dangerous drugs.
The following felony arrests were reported by the Oxford Police Department during the seven-day period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday. • Charles Rush Brown, 43, of Anniston: soliciting a controlled Jacksonville substance crime, burglary, failure The following felony arrests were of sex offender to verify place of
Pardon and Parole Board
The following felony arrests were reported by the Alabama Board of Pardons and Parole during the seven-day period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday. • Derrick Snider, 27: probation violation.
Drug Task Force
The following felony arrests were reported by the Calhoun-Cleburne Drug and Violent Crime Task Force during the seven-day period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday. • Christopher Louis Salinas, 35, of Anniston: three counts of firstdegree unlawful possession of a controlled substance.
BLOTTER Crimes are listed by location. Anonymous tips may be called in to Crime Stoppers at 256-238-1414. A reward of up to $1,000 may be given.
The following property crimes were reported to the Anniston Police Department during the seven-day period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday.
Burglaries • Residence, 700 block of Brockman Avenue: cell phones, personal I.D., debit card. • Residence, 700 block of Gate 8 Road: jewelry, firearm, coins. • Residence, 2900 block of Brighton Avenue: jewelry box, jewelry. • Residence, 1000 block of Bellwood Avenue: television. • Residence, unspecified block of Summerall Gate Road/Belair Road: door knobs, scrap metal.
knobs. • Residence, 5500 block of Dawson Avenue: television, DVDs. • Residence, 300 block of McArthur Drive: chrome wheels, vehicle axle, copper wire. • Residence, 700 block of West 64th Street: firearm. • Parking lot, unspecified block of U.S. 431: purse, cash, camera, debit card, medications, personal I.D. • Supermarket, 800 block of Noble Street: cell phone. • Drug store, 700 block of Leighton Avenue: laptop computer.
• Residence, 100 block of Sears Road: mul- Burglaries tiple debit card transactions. • Residence, 1000 block of Alexandria Road Calhoun County Southwest: jewelry. The following property crimes were reported to the Calhoun County Sheriff’s Office during the seven-day period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday.
• Residence, Mt. View Road, Wellington: laptop computer, firearm, jewelry, tablet computer. • Commercial location, McClellan Boulevard, Anniston: antique check printer/ embosser, electrical fittings/pipe, welder, firearm, copper wire, electrical motor. • Residence, U.S. 78, Anniston: jewelry, firearm, television, humidor, laptop computer, duffle bag, tablet computer. • Residence, Rock Springs Road, Ohatchee: jewelry, laptop computer, cash.
• Parking lot, 1000 block of 8th Street Northeast: helmet with night vision goggle mount, text books, book bag.
• Parking lot, 2100 block of Noble Street: cell phones. • Parking lot, 1900 block of Quintard Avenue: purse, wallet, cash, personal I.D., basket. • Unknown location, 600 block of Glen Addie Avenue: amplifiers, wheels, batThefts tery. Jacksonville • Residence, 2500 block of Wilmer Avenue: • Street, 500 block of West 10th Street: The following property crimes were report1999 Ford Mustang. firearms. • Residence, 1300 block of Johnston Drive: • Department store, 1200 block of Quintard ed to the Jacksonville Police Department air conditioning units, refrigerator, door Avenue: purse, wallet. during the seven-day period ending at 7
• Residence, 1200 block of Sabina Drive Southeast: firearm, navigation system, bag.
The following property crimes were reported to the Oxford Police Department during the seven-day period ending at 7 a.m. Thursday.
Thefts • Residence, 2000 block of Butler Street: game console. • Dillard’s, 700 block of Quintard Ave.: undergarments, perfumes. • Residence, 1900 block of Littlejohn Drive: utility trailer.
The Anniston Star
Sunday, November 11, 2012 Page 7E
CALENDAR: AnnistonStar.com/calendar PROPERTY TRANSFERRED • City of Weaver to Tim S. Blevins and Rachel A. Blevins, Crestline subdivision, block B, lot 2, $10. • Mary Ellen Jones to Bobby H. Boozer and Patricia G. Boozer, a parcel of land in section 9, township 13, range 8, $10. • Mark Lynn Williamson to Jeffery Keith Bryant and Juanita W. Bryant, a parcel of land in section 11, township 14, range 7, $10. • Tony Porco and Lewis L. Lecroy to Gary Plimpton, a parcel of land in section 25, township 14, range 8, $1. • Billy McLean Jr. to LA & LO Properties LLC, a parcel of land in section 36, township 16, range 6, $10. • BHW Properties Inc. to Kenneth Dale Benton and Victoria H. Benton, a parcel of land in section 28, township 15, range 9, $10. • Barbara Jo Bland to Michael Edward Nussbaumer, Golden Springs subdivision, block E, lot 9, $10. • Linda D. Meads to Holly N. Williams, Lyncoya subdivision, block 5, lot 1, $10. • Ronald G. Wilkinson and Kristi M. Wilkinson to Skyler J. Clark and Amanda Clark, Fox Trace subdivision, 1st addition, lot 13, $92,500. • Angela K. Fortner and Arlie Glenn Fortner to John E. Ciesinski and LouAnn Ciesinski, McCall Heights, 1st addition, block 6, lot 3,
$151,000. • Sharon H. Jones and Jackie D. Jones to Leslie Geier, Barrington Farms subdivision, lot 29, $224,000. • Margaret Goswick Hill to Margaret Goswick Hill and Della Burge, Piedmont Land & Improvement Co., block 6, lots 29-31, $10. • CitiFinancial Inc. to Pamela B. McLeod and Richard Keith McLeod, a parcel of land in section 29, township 15, range 6, $20,000. • Bobby N. Coffee and Sheila L. Coffee to Robert P. Senin, a parcel of land in section 12, township 16, range 7, $10. • Deutsche Bank National Trust Co. to John A. Roland and Stacy H. Roland, Charles Strickland’s addition to Pinewood subdivision, block D, lot 6, $5,199. • David R. Copeland to Pat W. Shaddix and Phyllis W. Shaddix, Anniston City Land Co., block 272, lots 15 and 16, $10. • David R. Copeland to Pat W. Shaddix and Phyllis W. Shaddix, Sunny Side subdivision, block 1, lots 17-20, $10. • David R. Copeland to Pat W. Shaddix and Phyllis W. Shaddix, a parcel of land in section 16, township 13, range 7, $10. • David R. Copeland to Pat W. Shaddix and Phyllis W. Shaddix, P. E. Haynes subsivision, lot 1, $10. • Nerissa D. Campbell and Nor-
ris Lamar Campbell to George E. Smitherman and Laroyia G. Smitherman, Morris addition to Stoneybrook, block 9, lot 3, $10. • Feddie Mac to N & W Properties LLC, Mange addition to Hillendale subdivision, 1st addition, block G, lot 6, $52,000. • Louise T. Teague and Aaron Teague to Jerry D. Teague and Diana C. Teague, a parcel of land in section 28, township 14, range 6, $10. • Charles L. Hall and Edwina Hall to Charles L. Hall and Edwina Hall, Glade-View subdivision, lots 13 and 14, $10. • Resource Management Solutions LLC to Donald S. Griffin and Stephanie J. Griffin, Cane Creek Homes in McClellan, lots 87 and 88, $160,000. • Jennifer A. Siskey, Jonathan E. Siskey and Leslie A. Siskey to Jonathan E. Siskey and Leslie A. Siskey, re-subdivision of Oak Ridge Estates, block B, lot 18, $10. • Roland Keith McGill and Sonya Olbrantz-McGill to Sonya Olbrantz, a parcel of land in section 12, township 14, range 9, $10. • Amanda M. Fink to Amanda M. Fink and Robert Ted Fink, a parcel of land in section 7/8, township 13, range 9, $10. • Housing & Urban Development to TBARK LLC, Lake Park subdivision,
block 3, lot 2, $38,900. • Catherine Fox Pate to Michael Lee Bowman and Sharon C. Bowman, Jacksonville Mining & Manufacturing Co., block 362, lots 3 and 4, $25,000. • Frank Ray Parris and Shelby Parris to Michael G. Parris, a parcel of land in section 15, township 16, range 7, $10. • Amanda M. Morgan and Leslie L. Gordon to Amanda M. Morgan and Leslie Gordon Morgan, Legacy Hills, 1st addition, lot 43, $500. • Christopher Character to Norma Andrade, Old Bridge Estates, lot 14, $10. • Ronald Leon McFall and Theresa J. McFall to Ronald Leon McFall and Theresa J. McFall, a parcel of land in section 35, township 13, range 8, $10. • Vickie Marie Mundy to Vickie Marie Mundy, a parcel of land in section 18, township 14, range 8, $10. • Jeannie Brown to John R. Smith, Lyncoya subdivision, block 7, lot 9, $10. • Adam Perrin Thornton and Christie Thornton to Cody O. Lemley and Ashely Lemley, a parcel of land in section 1, township 13, range 7, $10. • Margie J. Raughton and Margie J. Collins to Margie J. Collins, Spring Hill Heights, block 6, lots 5
and 6, $100. • Church of the Cross Inc. to Millard G. Turner, a parcel of land in section 32, township 14, range 7, $10. • Larry Wayne Ball to Kellie Ball Simpson and Larry Wayne Ball, Barlow Estates, block 114, lot 9, $10. • Malisa Haynes to Kathy Nunnally, a parcel of land in section 10, township 13, range 7, $10. • Robert Beer and Theresa C. Beer to Danny L. Pitts and Donis Y. Pitts, a parcel of land in section 25, township 13, range 7, $53,000. • Fred M. Murray-Estate to Carl A. Murray, Clark M. Murray and Leslie E. Murray, Mrs. M. A. Murray’s addition, lots 5 and 6, $1. • Fred M. Murray-Estate to Carl A. Murray, Clark M. Murray and Leslie E. Murray, a parcel of land in section 13, township 16, range 7, $1. • Elsie G. McCullars-Estate to Bobby Gene Carden and Joyce Carden, fractional section B of a parcel of land in section 20, township 15, range 5, $10. • Elsie G. McCullars-Estate to Bobby Gene Carden and Virginia Powell, fractional section B of a parcel of land in section 20, township 15, range 5, $10.
RESTAURANT INSPECTIONS Here are food service establishments recently inspected by the Calhoun County Health Department, along with scores. A score of 100 indicates the inspector found no deficiencies. Potentially hazardous deficiencies (four- or five-point demerit items) are noted. These must be corrected immediately and inspectors say they are often corrected while the inspection is underway. Restaurants earning below 70 must raise their scores within seven days or face closure.
NO MAJOR DEMERITS
• Mellow Mushroom, 33 Industrial Drive, Oxford — 99. • 32 Degrees, A Yogurt Bar, 252 Oxford Exchange Blvd., • Pink Dessert Bar, 1225 Snow St., Oxford — 99. • Red Pepper Grill, 700 Quintard Drive, Oxford — 99. Oxford — 100. • AJ’s, 1500 Hillyer-Robinson Industrial Parkway, Anniston • Ruby Tuesday, 712 S. Quintard Ave., Anniston — 98. • Simple Simon’s Pizza, 701 N. Center Ave., Piedmont — 98. — 95. • Sneaky Pete’s Hot Dogs, 1521-B Greenbrier Road, Anniston • Big Daddy Café, 8438 Alabama 9, Anniston — 97. — 97. • Burger King, 1001 Alabama 21, S., Oxford — 98. • Taco Bell/KFC, 206 U.S. 278 By Pass, Piedmont — 97. • Camp Cottaquilla — 98. 4-OR 5-POINT DEMERITS • The Office, 1016 Noble St., Anniston — 100. • China King, 4882 U.S. 78, W., Oxford — 98. • Tweeners Café, 1725 Broadwell Mill Road, Jacksonville • 3 Style Pizza, 81 Big Valley Drive, Alexandria — 91, pres- • Dunkin Donuts, 10 Oxford Exchange Blvd., Oxford — 96. — 97. • Frontera Grill, 1750 E. Hamric Drive, Oxford — 98. ence of insects. • Wee Kare Day Care, Piedmont — 99. • Sonic Drive In, 6401 U.S. 431, N., Alexandria — 92, person- • Hardee’s, 2800 Alabama 202, Anniston — 96. nel should eat/drink in designated areas only. • Los Mexicanos, 1936 U.S. 78, E., Oxford — 99.
Boys and the friendship crisis BY HEIDI STEVENS Chicago Tribune
Abel Uribe/Chicago Tribune/MCT
Ken and Arlyne Chin look at a reading application on the computer with their two children Col, 7, and Jackson, 8, at their home in Chicago, on Sept. 6, 2012.
iKID GENERATION How to incorporate tech into your children’s lives BY HEIDI STEVENS Chicago Tribune
CHICAGO — If Michael Levine had his way, we’d consult a “tech pyramid,” the same way we look to a food pyramid to balance our occasional treats with the truly wholesome stuff. “There will always be some empty calories,” says Levine, the executive director of the Joan Ganz Cooney Center, a digital media research lab within the Sesame Workshop. “But the idea is to kick the balance toward the more healthful, nourishing choices, the kind of educational media that allow a child to have a more purposeful experience when they’re seemingly being entertained.” More “Little Speller.” Less “Angry Birds.” Children age 8 and younger are spending more time than ever with screens, according to a 2011 Common Sense Media Research study, which clocked the average at 3 hours, 14 minutes a day. That includes television, computers, mobile applications, music and e-readers. It’s a trend, say many experts, that’s unlikely to reverse course. “The devices are here to stay,” Levine says. “The wise parents and the wise educators need to figure out the right mix. We know kids are learning from whatever media they’re exposed to. It’s just a ques-
tion of what they’re learning. “It comes down to determining what is a normative experience and how do you set reasonable boundaries at age 2 or 3, when a child’s natural curiosity with his or her environment is permeated with devices. It would be unnatural for a toddler or preschooler to not notice the six or seven devices in their parents’ home. “The data is telling us that parents are not taking screen time limits as seriously as they might, but I think there’s a big difference between spending hours on the types of media with no proven educational benefit — the empty calories — and educational media offerings that have proven educational value,” he says. Arlyne Chin and her husband, Ken, both IT professionals, wholeheartedly embrace technology for their two sons, 8 and 6. In addition to the iPads the children use in their classes at school, they share an iPad and laptop at home. “We reinforce what they’re learning at school and try to harness the technology piece of their lives to keep it educational and creatively bound,” says Arlyne. They spend a fair amount of time playing video games on the family Wii and their Nintendo DS devices. They download apps and play games on their parents’ iPhones. And the iPad apps aren’t all education-based.
On the surface, that sounds like a lot of “empty calories.” But Arlyne Chin adopts a more organic approach. “We don’t give them a lot of instruction on how to use the devices, unless they’re doing something that’s not safe,” she says. “We let them find their own creative way of maneuvering through different applications and programs, and it helps them learn to explore and tap into their creative side.” The upshot? The kids are fearless in their navigation and innovative in their tech-based play. The family creates digital slide shows together and year-end movies of the previous school year and sports season highlights. “They’re learning how to put storyboards together and make their own little movies,” says Arlyne Chin. “We don’t limit them based on time; we limit them based on what they’re doing.” It’s an approach endorsed by Chip Donohue, director of the Technology in Early Childhood Center at the Erikson Institute. “I’m not a believer in setting hard-and-fast screen time limits,” Donohue says. “If you tell a child they can only look at the iPad for 15 minutes, and at 15 minutes the kid is so engaged in learning and creating, why would you turn it off? I don’t think an arbitrary limit set by anybody is helpful.”
In the course of researching boys’ friendships over two decades, Niobi Way stumbled upon a link that appears, at first blush, to go against everything we believe about fatherly influence. “The quantitative data from studying hundreds of boys show that high-quality relationships with their moms predict high-quality relationships with their friends,” says Way, a professor at New York University and the author of “Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection” (Harvard University Press). “But the opposite is true with dads. The more time they’re spending with dad, the less they report having high-quality friendships.” The finding gave Way and her fellow researchers pause, but it actually speaks to the heart of her thesis, which is, in essence: Boys want close friendships. Boys are equipped to foster close friendships. Boys, in fact, rock at close friendships. Until they approach adulthood. Way interviewed hundreds of boys — black, white, Latino, Asian-American — throughout adolescence, and found that they’re quite clear about the esteem with which they regard their friendships. “I heard these 13-, 14-, 15-year-old boys saying, ‘I need my friends. I want close friends. I would go wacko without my close friends,’” she says. “Around 15, 16, 17, you start to hear a very different boy talking. Freshman year a boy would tell me, ‘Victor is my best friend. I love him.’” But by senior year, the same boy is loath to admit to such feelings, Way says. Our boys face nothing less than a crisis in their relational abilities, say experts in the area of adolescent psychology. And the stakes are high. Way’s research links healthy, intimate friendships among boys with lower rates of bullying, better physical
health, longer life spans, less drug and alcohol abuse, and better academic performance. The time at which most boys start to drift away from their close friends — typically age 15 or 16 — corresponds precisely with the time at which suicide rates for boys jump to five times the rate of girls, Way says. “The question isn’t how do we teach our boys to have relationships,” Way says. “It’s how do we teach them to hang on to them. How do we help them maintain the friendships they already have into adulthood?” We start by giving them the green light to express what they’re already feeling. “Boys have the full emotional repertoire,” says child psychologist Michael Thompson, co-author of “Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys” (Ballantine Books). “They don’t always have the permission to use it.” “If fathers, especially, emphasize too much competitiveness and toughness,” Thompson says, “and that old American bugaboo, which is self-reliance, then a boy is confused. ‘Well, should I be self-reliant? Which means not feeling so dependent on my friends as I do in my heart?’” Which speaks to Way’s link between fathers and quality friendships. “Because men grew up in the same culture our boys are growing up in, how men relate to their sons often reinforces hypermasculinity,” Way says. “Closeness with their sons often entails going to sports events and talking about sports, which is fantastic. But it doesn’t necessarily entail emotional connectedness, talking about their emotional lives, which is why it’s affecting their friendships. “That’s what we do to our boys,” she says. “We force them to be not quite human, quite frankly, by suppressing their emotions.” Fathers — along with mothers, teachers, all of us, frankly — have a responsibility to foster and encourage connectedness and emotional honesty in our boys.
Published on Nov 10, 2012