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Back From the Dead Edition

Contents Editor




Comedienne Emma Za mmit talks to Mosey


The Ultimate Winter Survival Guide!



1 2 E G A P S S Oest local Gossip H tG PERT up on he lat Catch




Recipee Au Citreon Classic Tart QUIZ Ar


e you emotionally Dating your best fr iend? 2

Editorial Hello, and welcome to a new Mosey, this Mosey is new in a new way. How newsome is that (that’s new and awesome in one word!). It’s been a while since the last edition but I’m glad to say the wait has definitly been worth it. According to gossip around the office, and after all gossip is what Mosey’s all about, the old editor is raising Sheep-Chihuahua cross-breeds in an undetermined country, but somewhere with snow, probably. So I’m your new Editor, I’m glad to present new Mosey, in its new style, which takes much less cues from Dolly and K-Zone design wise. This months issue, is themed, and much like Mosey is, Back from the Dead. We have an awesome photo shoot in here, as well as an interview with comedienne Emma Zammit, I heard she moved here to live with her boyfriend, is that serious or what?! I wouldn’t even move post codes for my boyfriend, but then again that’s just because it would get my girlfriend jealous. So lets delve into this months gossipy goodness. New Issues will be out every six weeks and totes won’t suck. With love, Ed.


On moving from Sydney to Perth? Mainly because of my boyfriend; we we’re doing long distance for about a year and a half and one of us had to move somewhere so I moved here. Also I’d heard the comedy scene here was really really good so that kind of influenced it. And it has – it’s been awesome! I work full time here as well but the comedy scene is ridiculous. There is heaps going on so I’m not short of anything comedy wise here. The 2010 Melbourne Comedy Festival was your first festival appearance. How did this happen? I hadn’t done festivals before and I got chosen through an event called Comedy Zone. Basically there is a scout that goes around to each state and chooses who the best up and coming is and then we represent the states at the festival. It was the weirdest group of people ever doing a show. I was the only female, the guy from WA was like gothic humour– we were so opposite.

BY TEGAN MAFFESCIONI Always the class clown, it was tickets to comedy classes that got Emma Zammit standing where she is. Mosey sat down with her to see what it is that makes dammitzammit! Mermaid Dikes included... 4

Then you just wrapped up the Perth Wild West Festival with your show My Emmories: A Tale of Two Cities. This was my first solo show which was 45 minutes. It

DAMMIT ZAMMIT was based on my move from Sydney to Perth. This made me want to do more. You did promos for this... Lots of 5-10minute stints at places like The Brisbane Hotel and The Charles Hotel. Some jokes in this show included learning how to drive in Perth, the difference between Sydney & Perth transvestites: In Sydney a transvestite is a real woman where as in Perth a woman with a moustache is just from Armadale and her encounter at the Wanneroo markets where she bumped into a couple, who had about two teeth between them, calling her a dike mermaid as she walked away. How do you prepare for a festival like this? It’s extensive. They say if you’re a comedian and you’ve got 50 minutes of strong comedy material at the end of a year you’ve done a good job. You could write 40 jokes and only maybe 2 will work for an audience. It takes a while. Every comedian’s different, but you’ve really got to be out there writing and performing for a good 8 months so you can go back and fine tune things. It’s a lot of work. My weekends are comedy writing. We’re lucky there’s a room – Lazy Susan’s Den at The Brisbane Hotel and every Tuesday there is comedy and it could be comedians like me who’s been doing it for a while & get up and do 5 minutes or brand new comedians. It can be a bit of a mixed bag but its $5 and there are no other rooms where you can get up every week and do new material.

How did you get into comedy? My sister bought me a stand up comedy course and it was about to expire and I thought ill do it. It was 6 days 9-5 teaching you how to write comedy and part of the graduation was performing in front of the class. One of the ladies running it got me some gigs and I got going from there. And how is the Perth scene compared to Sydney? Sydney comedy scene is pretty good but Perth has just got so much. You can have it every night here. It’s booming at the moment! Tuesday – The Brisbane Hotel (open to any comedian, 5 minute pieces), Wednesday night- The Brass Monkey, Thursday –The Charles Hotel, Friday – The Brisbane Hotel (more serious comedians with 15-20minute pieces), Saturday – Little Creatures. Any interesting audience members? Yeah. Friday night at The Brisbane Hotel people come from work and are generally quite drunk. There was one guy trying to finish my punch lines before me and it was so annoying. I just said can you let me finish because mines going to be funnier than yours. Just one of those guys who thinks he’s a comedian, like a lot of people do. There was a new comedian there and the guy was doing it to him and he had to walk off stage. Another guy just walked onto the stage. They think they’re better than us. Not that we’re the experts but at least we’ve taken the time to write out our jokes. But, generally the audiences here are really nice. 5

What have you got coming up? Now the shows finished, I start preparing for the Melbourne festival now, which is weird because it’s only just finished. I’m starting to think what to write about. Also thinking about doing my own show at Twin Cities (89.7FM). I would really love to be in radio, that’s kind of the big dream for me. So thinking about things for that – calling it something like dammitzammit. I’m quite clumsy anyway so that would go hand in hand with me. And performing. I perform a lot sometimes 3 times a week. That’s what is so awesome about Perth comedy – every night there’s sold out shows. It’s unheard of. Sydney you just wouldn’t get it – but Perth is cultural and people don’t realise that and in many ways is ahead of Sydney. ___ Final Say... What do you wish you knew 5 years ago? That you can’t control your life as much as you think. When you’re younger you think when I’m 30 I’ll be married with kids, etc. What’s your hidden talent? Krumping! It’s my little thing I like to pull out at parties. I wake up thinking about... Everything! Mainly comedy; I think I think about that non-stop. Always trying to find the funny side of things. My favourite indulgence... Not chocolate (I hate chocolate) manicures and pedicures. Freak for that, religiously every 3 weeks.

winter Surv Winters coming and I’m sure that the rainfall that so pleases out agricultural industry makes you cringe because your favorite dress isn’t winter-appropriate. Never fear, Bianca Olsen has all the information that will keep you looking good without sacrificng thr heat necessary to keep you breathing.


Have Fun With it

As the temperature drops, stockings are going to become your new best friend. Not only do they keep your legs warm but they see summer dresses become winter dresses. Naturally you want to take good care of your new best friend. So how do you prolong the life of your stockings?? Well here are a few tips... - Wash your stockings in a net laundry bag. This ensures your stockings will not get any snags from your other clothes as they all spin around in the washing machine - DO NOT pull on any threads coming out from your stockings – pulling off a thread will most definitely lead to one great, big hole in your stockings and this is not a good look. - As soon as notice a hole in your stockings, the best thing to do it paint around the edge with clear nail polish as this will stop the hole from growing and ladders from forming Hopefully these tips will help you from having to buy new stockings each week.

Many people may feel that the winter months means fashion goes into hibernation and outfits get boring. For all those people, I am sorry to say it but you are wrong. Here are 5 reasons why winter fashion is fun and fabulous... 1) COLOURFUL SCARFS. This is an easy way to inject some colour into your winter wardrobe. Not only is it fun and simple, but it can be an inexpensive way to accessorise. 2) FABULOUS HATS. For me, winter is all about hats. Whether it is a floppy knitted beanie or a felt trilby; hats make winter fashion fun. 3) LAYERING. Layering not only gives you the opportunity to parade off more of your wardrobe but it’s an easy and FREE way to make the clothes in your wardrobe seem brand new. Layer a long-sleeved top under a summer dress and even add a scarf and there you have it ...a whole new outfit. 4) BOOTS. Who doesn’t like boots? 5) JEANS. Winter is the perfect time for all denim lovers to live in their jeans. 6

vival Guide

Coats Knits and Hats In order to face the winter cold, a coat will become your best friend over the next few months. Whether you don a dashing trench coat or stick to a lovely leather jacket, a coat is going to the winter item you won’t want to live without. Whether you chose to fulfil your knitwear need in the form of cardigans, gloves, beanies or hats doesn’t matter, as long as it makes an appearance in your wardrobe this winter. Chunky and grey knits are what winter is all about this year. These winter woollies look great and keep you snug and warm. They say you lose the most of your body heat out of your head, so what better way to say warm with a winter hat. Beanies are great to finish off any casual winter outfit. Whereas bowler or felt trilby hats adds simple sophistication to any outfit.

Tips - Also carry moisturisers around with you. The colder temperatures have a way of making skin dry and flaky. But with a little extra moisturiser this is easily fixed. - Scotch guard, scotch guard, scotch guard. It is your best defence against the nasty water marks the rain has a habit of leaving. Scotch guard is the perfect protection for your shoes, bags and anything else that needs help in the water proofing department. - The constant moving from cold outdoor temperatures to toasty warm indoor temperatures can cause havoc for the state of your hair. Going from cold to hot throughout the day will dry out your hair, making it lose its shine and bounce. This is easily fixed by getting in the habit of applying a conditioning mask to your hair once a week. Talk to your hair dresser about which would be the best for your hair. - Always keep a scarf and umbrella in your bag. They will be your saviours if the weather suddenly decides to turn bad. 7

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You know whats hot right now? no, not vampires, if Edward Cullen sees blood he squirms in the corner and cries about how complex his emotions are, he’s so clingy, he’s like a lost puppy with annoyingly perfect cheekbones. Zombies. Zombies are what you want, way more efficient than vampires and worlds cooler. Our new zombie shoot almost makes you forget that these lovable things would like nothing more than you in their mouth. Well your brains anyways.

11 Photo: Troy Allwright

12 Photo: Tim Fay

Photo: Troy Allwright

13 Photo: Troy Allwright

Photo: Troy Allwright


15 Photo: Tim Fay

Photo: Tim Fay


Photo: Tim Fay


Photo: Troy Allwright

Photo: Tim Fay




shop / u a . m

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Perth Goss Lots of people are going to tell you “nothing happens in Perth” or “you can’t have a Perth gossip magazine, there’s no gossip or celebrities here”. Well you’re only half right. Got any juicy gossip? message our Facebook Page. Here’s a little snippet of juicy Perth goss. EMIL CHOLICH

So, according to the hotbed of news that is the bus stop I take to uni Tori, is “a big slut”. Whether this is referring to Tori being a slut who is large, or just a slut to such a degree that the trait has in itself become large is anybodys guess. Or it could be both. The article goes on to say that “She can’t get Ben”. Ben, obviously being quite the charmer appears to be out of Toris league, this is surprising as apparently she is a slut, meaning lots of people would be in her league. This must make Ben a Don Draper type character, most likely brimming with suaveness, opening the door for ladies at the local TAB, only wearing his best Bintang singlets out, a man of taste, our Ben. “LOL hahaha” it continues, the writer taking clear satisfaction in Tori’s inability to “get Ben”. The prerogative of our mystery Transperth journalist is unknown here, perhaps she also can not get Ben and wishes to tear the innocent Tori down with her. There is also a byline that states that “Steff” (whose last name we have blurred out) is “a ugly dog”. I haven’t ever had a pet dog, but I have had a cat, it has self esteem issues, and I know that writing on a bus stop about its flaws would only worsen them. This writer should think of the consequences of insulting innocent canines.




So last week I decided to try a little experiment, to challenge my obsession with makeup! I kept a diary to see what would change if I went out al-naturale.

Day One

He says it’s a great idea, and there’s no need for me to cover myself up anymore. He says I look great. I wonder if he’s just saying that to make me feel better.

This morning I’ve started by putting all my makeup in a really big box and giving it to my bff Kat to keep from me. I warned her I might try to force it from her at some stage, quite possibly violently. She hid them from me so I couldn’t find it over the next seven days.

I know I find it difficult to take compliments (but that’s another story).

Day Three

I’m worried people will notice a big difference because I haven’t gone out without makeup since I discovered it years ago. Often people tell me I look “too pale” but I can’t help that – I was born with really white skin and mum has never ever let me out without sun screen (she says I’ll thank her when I’m 30)! … Will they tell me I’m ugly?

Today my housemate is trying to wrestle the muchmissed eyeliner out of my hands (I found an emergency one in my sock drawer), “Please ... today is important. Just let me have today! You don’t understand, I have a Very Good Reason!” I’m close to tears!! The reason being the Hot Bartender. Not just hot, but Super Hot. With capitals. And I’ve got a date with Mr Super Hot. Of course I want to look my best! And my best includes makeup.

I’m off to the city on the train, a HUGE test for any girl, especially one with pale skin and no makeup! At one stop a model-like girl gets on, and I notice her heavily-defined eyes and eyebrows, masses of lovely shades of blue and cheek bones to die for, which made me instantly regret my nakedness. Inwardly, I cringed.

“But Jess,” she sounds like my mum, “If you don’t wear it now, and especially now, then you’ll never be able to do it.” Sigh, I know she’s right, (and I hate her for a moment because she IS right). So, full of fear and unbelievably self-conscious, I grumpily go out to dinner with Mr Super Hot. I suppose at least this time I’m not in danger of being caught checking my

Later, I met up with a friend in the city for a cappuccino and I told him about the one-week experiment.



make-up in the back of a spoon (this has happened more than once…). Lucky for me, my housemate is right (kinda), and my date didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, we have another date next week J

it, but I feel a little less pressured. But then I’ve realised all the pressure actually came from me and what I thought others expected of me. So I guess my experiment was a success. This past week has taught me ‘balance’. Now, when confronted by the ‘morning blemish’, I pop on a little concealer instead of covering the entire surface of my face with a thick layer. A little bit of colour on the eyes and cheeks when I’m out for the evening, but most of the time it’s minimal. I no longer look like I have an entire peacock on my face. I have learnt when enough is enough and it is enough to be me. A smiling me is even better. Admittedly, I’ve still got a long way to go and I’ll never give make-up away forever (because a girl still likes to look her best). But that’s okay. I’ve realised make-up was never the problem; it was the fact that I needed makeup to function. My advice to you girls: learn to Love the Naked You.

Day five

I’m in a huge pickle! I have a job interview today at a restaurant as a waitress. Why on earth did I choose this week??? I want to keep doing the experiment but looking my best might increase my chances of getting the job. I’ve noticed the women that wear the most makeup seem to work in retail and hospitality … so I’m wearing a little bit of makeup, just a touch of foundation (also found in the sock drawer) under the eyes and a thin line of eyeliner. And wouldn’t you know it, the world didn’t fall apart as I applied the liner….

Day seven

Yaaaay! It’s the last day of my experiment! I’ve even slept in a little because now I only need half an hour to get ready in the morning (it used to take me over an hour). With the extra half hour I have time to cook myself a proper breakfast and sit back with a mug of hot chocolate. I’m not going out today, but I feel I can at a moment’s notice (time to get the hair just right…). Wearing less is somehow liberating. I can’t really explain


Classic Tarte au Citron (Lemon Tart) This dessert is the perfect combination of short crumbly pastry and a creamy, tangy lemon filling! Serve in thin wedges with lightly whipped cream.

Almond & Lemon Zest Pastry


190g (1 ½ cups) plain flour 50g (1/3 cup) almond meal 1 tablespoon caster sugar 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest 170g cold b­utter, chopped 1 tablespoon iced water

To make the pastry, place all ingredients for pastry into the bowl of a food processor, except the iced water, and pulse until mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Add the iced water and continue to pulse until pastry binds together to form a ball. Flatten pastry into a rough disk and wrap with cling wrap. Chill in the refrigerator for 1 hour.

Lemon Filling 3 eggs 150g caster sugar zest and juice of three medium sized lemons 160g butter, melted 50g (1/3 cup) almond meal

After chilling, roll out the pastry very quickly with a rolling pin and transfer to a greased 24cm tart tin. (The kind with a removable base works best.) Push the pastry into the tin with fingers until evenly lined. Place back into the fridge for another hour to chill. Preheat oven to 190ºC. Place tart shell into the oven and bake for 15 - 20 minutes or until lightly golden. Meanwhile, prepare the filling by placing eggs, sugar, lemon zest & lemon juice into a bowl and whisking. Add the melted butter and ground almonds and stir with the whisk to combine. When tart shell is ready, slide the oven tray halfway out of the oven and pour filling into shell. Ease the tray back into the oven and cook the tart for 30-40 minutes or until the filling just sets. If it retains a slight wobble it is ready. Leave to cool and serve with a dusting of icing sugar. Cook’s Notes: To save time this recipe can be made with pre-made sheets of frozen short crust pastry. Another great time saving technique is to double the pastry quantity and freeze in the tart tin for next time. It can last up to a month in the freezer wrapped in cling wrap.


Emotionally Dating your Best Friend?

Do you have that one opposite sex friend who you know everything about and would die without? This dependance belive it or not is called having “an emotional affair”, and you might be doing it wihtout even noticing. Thankfully here’s a quick self examination quiz so you can diagnose your problem.


Question 1 How many annoying inside jokes would you say you have? A) Lots B) A few C) None, we don’t smile around each other

Question 2 Do people often mistake you and your friend for a couple? A) Yes, lots, and we always pretend to be grossed out by the concept B) It happened once C) No

Question 3 Does your friend look like Ryan Reynolds at the beginning of Just Friends? A) Yes B) I’ve been avoiding people who look like Ryan Reynolds because I don’t like The Green Lantern C) No

Question 4 Would you use their DNA to atrificially inceminate a child A) Yes, but depends how I have to extract it B) Maybe C) No, I’m gonna adopt a kid from Africa


If you’ve answered mainly A then you and your best friend should hurry up and date. If you’ve answered mostly B, how can you not like The Green Lantern?! If you’ve answered mainly C you still are emotionally dating your best friend you’re just in denial. 27

N O I H S A F T E L R SCA ntre e C g n i Shopp

each B h t r No 6020 a Shop 18 i l a r Aust Perth, 28

Mosey Issue 03