Staying in the loop

When the topic of a school district keeping parents out of the loop about their children rst started coming up two years ago – I didn’t give it much thought. I believed if the school is going to send a note home or call when they administer a small dose of Tylenol, then they surely would notify me of other, more serious issues.

Recently, the Douglas County School District took up the issue of pronouns and parent involvement. While I disagree with ignoring a student’s preferred pronouns – I am OK with the idea of communicating with parents.

A lot of the debate has come as more students are going by di erent pronouns or considering a gender transition. In 2022, a New York Times article said, “Educators are facing wrenching new tensions over whether they should tell parents when students socially transition at school.” e mother in this instance asked the school how they could be doing this without at least letting her know. According to the article, the school counselor said because the student did not want his parents to know, the district and state policies instructed the school to respect his wishes.

In the article, a parent told a story about her female student identifying as a male student only at school — writing a di erent name on homework assignments, having teachers use he/him pronouns.

For students, it can be a confusing time and they can be struggling with their identities. Being able to turn to someone at school such as a counselor is important. However, gender identity is a serious topic and if a student is considering it, there should be a well-rounded supportive circle, which means keeping parents in the loop.

I cannot see how it is healthy to encourage a student to be one person at school and another at home. at would be both mentally and physically exhausting for a teenager already questioning their identity. Should a school counselor be encouraging a student to move forward with changing their gender? What if that student is 12? Should they decide parents are not to be part of such a major life change? e school district trying to take away student rights such as the use of preferred pronouns is not OK. However, encouraging the student to be deceitful while honoring a secret life at school knowing they are living another at home is not healthy for the student or family. elma Grimes is the south metro editor for Colorado Community Media.

As a parent, I have my concerns. School counselors are important for our students to turn to. However, at some point, the student has to go home. e student will leave or move on from that school. Should the parent have the tools needed to help the student with life’s transitions with a full picture of what their children are thinking and feeling?

I am becoming more concerned with the power school administrators, boards and counselors think they have over our children. at goes both ways. I think some districts are getting too extreme on both sides of the debate.

I have three children — ages 17, 9, and 6. If one of my children is having an identity crisis, struggling, or questioning who they are — I am ne with them turning to a school counselor. What I am not ne with is that counselor agreeing to secrecy. If my child were to go to the counselor rst due to not quite knowing how to tell me something — I still need to know. e school counselor spends a total of a few hours with my children. I live with them. I know them, and their father and I are the ones who need to help guide them in making choices that t their needs currently and in the future.

Keeping adults in their lives in the dark is a trend I will never sign o on. I know some parents may not have what society views as the “right” reaction to some of these tough topics, but they cannot be disregarded.

LINDA SHAPLEY Publisher lshapley@coloradocommunitymedia.com

MICHAEL DE YOANNA Editor-in-Chief michael@coloradocommunitymedia.com