College Tribune Volume 23 Issue 1

Page 1

The College Tribune 15th September 2009

The Difference is we’re independent

Issue 1 Volume 23

Siptu treaten strike against UCD l Siptu warns authorities they will fight redundancies l Academic says current situation not sustainable Karina Bracken The UCD branch of SIPTU has unanimously passed a ballot on strike action, threatening to strike if the UCD Governing Authority does not remove the threat of compulsory redundancies. A highly-charged meeting of UCD SIPTU members occurred in the Science Block during Orientation Week. Staff learned that the UCD Governing Authority had met in summer to discuss the introduction of a statue that would allow for changes to current redundancy legislation. SIPTU claims the Governing Authority has failed to meet them about their concerns. The meeting was chaired by Dr Kieran Allen a senior lecture of sociology at UCD. Allen stated that SIPTU opposes the statute on two main grounds. Firstly, he claims that over two years they have repeatedly written to UCD management about overspending. Twenty questions about college financing were put to the UCD authorities by SIPTU in a number of letters.

One of the issues raised “continuously and on the record” was the substantial bonuses paid to top level staff. “Out of the twenty questions, we got no answers. Staff should not have to bear the brunt of generous executive spending,” confirmed Allen. The second reason for SIPTU’s opposition is the belief that compulsory redundancies are not necessary. “There are other mechanisms that can be employed in both UCD and the public sector. Different schemes have seen a number of staff leaving voluntarily. This allows us to engage in the argument.” “UCD is being used as a Trojan Horse in the public sector. There is no need to introduce cuts, precisely because the public sector does not operate like the markets, subject to fluctuations and dramatic change. Compulsory redundancies would give managers the power to select employees for redundancies. We are totally opposed to that,” Allen said.

INSIDE Contiued, pg 4

Bar Closed as Black Monday turns rough l Bottles thrown at Pulse Security l Two arrested as Bar closes at 7pm Philip Connolly The UCD Student Bar was forced to close early on the first day of term resulting in aggressive behaviour by a number of students. Last Monday staff had to shut the bar at 7.30pm for a brief period of time as the maximum capacity had been reached. The service of alcohol also stopped for a time. Outside Pulse security were left to contend with a group of rowdy students unable to gain access to the bar. Around 25 security guards arrived as the bar closed. Forming a barricade, security

Photography by Phiip Connolly

pushed students back from the bar in order to disperse the crowd. A few students tried to break through but the large group gradually dispersed and the bar was able to resume normal service “There were some bottles thrown at us and one student attempted to climb over the barrier erected in front of the bar,” one Pulse security member informed the College Tribune at the time. “It is only a few of the students causing trouble; most people just want to have a good time... Continued Page 4...

INSIDE Health Centre Focus, pg 6

Inside this week...


Siren Imelda May

Fresher’s Guide Pages 8-13



UCD Cruise to win over Monaghan



College Tribune September 15 2009



Money, Money, Money As the new academic year begins, one thing dominates the agenda, money or more precisely a lack of which. Tuition Fees, Healthcare Fees, academic allowances and so forth, it would be easy to forget that were here for educational purposes and not just commercial value. Yet walking around UCD one would be forgiven for missing this recession the University is embroiled in. Perhaps if the student body believed that the University had a genuine need for funding the current debate about health center fees would be of a different nature. Surely tuition and health care needs warrant priority, and if sacrifices are required this must be the last to suffer. If the university needs to cuts costs and prioritise funding, why not start with a line by line audit of all money spent and received? Communicate this with the student body and perhaps a real debate can begin about the practical and moral implications of our education systems current malaise. The Student Union have been placed in an impossible position between the college administration and the student body, unlikely to ever fully convince either. The debates about broken mandates, lack of support and a lack of fight have yet to begin; but in truth the Union most likely fought for the best deal available and are suffering by association rather than any fault of their own. Until the University starts to make some of the same concessions it expects of its students, or at least communicates with some genuine intent of compromise; expect the protests and debates to begin again, and for the union to be stuck in the middle.

The question of staff allowances

The news that has been slowly coming to light in the last few years concerning the fact many senior staff in UCD were receiving very large allowances of up to €18,000 on top of their already generous salaries will be hard for many to swallow. Especially when considering UCD’s current, huge budget deficit and the resulting introduction of health fees and library cut backs which affect a party which had nothing to do with these salaries and allowances to begin with; the students. This newspaper does not propose to slate employees getting extra wages for taking on extra work but it does aim to suggest that the amount granted in such circumstances was absurdly hefty considering the university’s debt. As the administrative jobs are generally temporary, another possibility to consider instead of surplus allowances would be for the employee to give up their academic job and take on the administrative job.Then, at the end of that administrative position, they could revert back to their academic position. As a result, there wouldn’t be the controversy about extra allowances as they’d have a distinctive job and a distinctive salary for it. However, if the reports about these payments being stopped are true as suggested, then it would effectively represent victory for everyone against these allowance as the college has finally given in. In response to the effort made by members of IFUT to ensure the allowances structure was made public; the schemes are now on the web, so it is the responsibility of students and staff to make themselves familiar with the allowance schemes and other such pay agreements in the university as ignorance breeds apathy, resulting in a scenario where it is only too easy for corruption to take place.

UCD Postering Policy

Every year at the start of term it looks like a small forest has been felled to wallpaper every surface on campus with society posters. Many of them catch the eye with humour or the promise of a good time. In recent years a new breed of poster has surfaced. Women in various stages of undress, flaunting their availability for sex or in a sexually explicit position have become typical poster fodder. This week the college ordered a number of societies to take their posters down. Some will welcome the move after years of inertia from UCD on the issue. Some will cry censorship. You may argue that if it was men, no one would be complaining. The point is that it is not men. Feminism may not be your cup of tea, but it is hard to dispute an argument for basic equality. You may also argue that the women in the posters are agents of freewill. However people on campus have no choice but to look at them. Posters that rely on naked or nearly naked women to entice people demonstrate a distinct lack of imagination and creativity. Anyone can put a model on a poster and call it an advertisement. Hopefully societies will now take a more enlightened approach to their image. The new B&L posters, for example, advertising the annual ‘Bunny Ball’ are an example of how posters can be effective without resorting to overtly explicit content. Who, after all, can resist a pink bunny with braces and furry handcuffs?

The College Tribune

The Difference is we’re independent

LG 18, Newman Building (Arts Block) Box 74, Student Centre, UCD Email: Tel: 01 716 8501 Editors: Cathy Buckmaster Philip Connolly Design: Philip Connolly Simon Ward News Editor: Karina Bracken

Turbine Editor: James Grannell Sports Editor: Colman Hanley Dep. Sports Editor Eoghan Brophy Music Editor: Jim Scully Arts Editor: Katie Godwin

Fashion Editor: Aoifa Smyth Photography Editor: Barry Hennessy Contributors; Jennie Moles, Eileen Gahan, Jordan Daly, Mark Hobbes, Ben McCormack, Ian Mulholland, Shane Fitzgerald Katherine Creagh, Ashling Maguire Fiona Kennedy, Aine Keegen, Sisi Rabenstein

Special Thanks; Huw and Mark at NWM, Amy and Chantal at Universal, Danielle, Colm and Rory at MCD, Colin Glesson and Catriona Cody, Professor Grumus, Max the Dog,

The College Tribune Wants You If you are interested in writing for this nespaper please do not hesitate to contact us, no experience is required


College Tribune September 15 2009

Report of abolished allowances for top level staff disputed l Times article suggested allowances stopped due to HEA l UCD academic dismisses article “unclear” Cathy Buckmaster Allowances paid to senior UCD staff have been stopped, according to an article in the Irish Times. The unconfirmed report comes after years of debate over the high salaries that some top level UCD staff are earning. The College Tribune reported in October 2007 that UCD President Hugh Brady had been receiving an unauthorized allowance of €12,000, according the results of a damning report. The Tribune further learned in 2008 that Brady had been ordered to pay back the money. The unauthorized allowances were paid to Brady in addition to his approved salary levels each year. An article written by Sean Flynn appeared on the front page of The Irish Times on 26th of August. It claimed that UCD had agreed to abolish a series of allowances and special payments to senior staff. In the article, UCD confirmed that they had recently concluded discussions with the Higher Education Authority (HEA) that would see the end of special allowances for 60 staff. Staff allowances have only recently been made public after a Freedom of Information request by the Irish Federation of University Teachers. The details behind UCD allowance structure is now available online and explains the role of allowances and the positions entitled to them. Allowances are paid to academics who take on an extra administrative role when they become a Head of School. The allowances are divided into three categories depending on the size of the School as measured in employment terms. If the reports are true, this would mean that 35 heads of the assorted schools at the college will sacrifice between €7,000 and €18,000 per year. A UCD senior academic spoke to the College Tribune about why there was huge dispute over the allowances. “My understanding is that the HEA is supposed to be notified about these allowances being giv-

en and that permission had to be sought. But permission was never sought and therefore there was obviously a dispute.” “Furthermore, separate to the allowances mentioned in The Irish Times there was another group of UCD staff given exceptional “framework directive” contracts. If you look at the article published, they seem to have mixed-up the allowances with the directive contracts. They are completely separate things; the directive contracts can also be offered to non-academic staff.” The academic claimed that bonuses were referred to in the article also, but that they too are distinct from allowances. A bonus is based upon performance and allowances are associated with doing an extra duty. The thing about the bonus is - none of these things were up on the web. Nobody has access to them. They were only acquired through freedom of information.” “The article pointed out a few people but mixed them all up together in terms of the type of extra money that they are being paid. As a result of the amalgamation of so many separate payment schemes under one name, the piece in the Times was almost deliberately confusing.” “Originally I thought the information was from inside UCD, sent out to muddy the water. However but they denied this, saying they thought it was the HEA that leaked the report.” The academic went on to question the motives of the HEA. The lecturer added that they do not know when allowances will cease to be paid. “As yet, I haven’t seen any documentation to prove either way. All I know is that those Heads of Schools have a piece of paper saying they will be paid ‘X’ amount of money. Has UCD stopped these payments altogether now, or, are they saying that for future positions there will be no allowances?” The UCD Human Resource Department could not confirm or deny whether the allowances had been stopped at the time of going to print.


Societies ordered to remove “offensive” posters l Explicit posters spark objections from UCD authorities l Recognition Committee set up to monitor situation Jennie Moles UCD is clamping down on the content of society ads, it has emerged this week. During the first week of term, a number of societies were instructed to take down all of their posters on campus. Members of the societies involved spoke to the College Tribune. The Law Society, Business & Law Society and the Arts Society were each ordered to turn around posters. They claim that Societies Officer Richard Butler told them to remove images due to the nature of their content. Butler was not available for comment. Students’ Union President Gary Redmond said Butler’s decision was prompted by a complaint made by a UCD staff member. The employee objected to the sexually explicit content of the posters.

The posters included advertisements for a joint event organised by B&L and Arts Soc. Posters for ‘The Virgin Ball’ included the phrase “Lose your V-plates” which incorporated the image of the “L” plate for learner cars. Similarly Lawsoc were instructed to remove the promotional posters for their ‘Glamour Model debate’. The Law Soc Auditor was not in a position to comment on the issue. “Richard Butler gave us a deadline of four hours to remove the posters” says B&L auditor Aoife Mac Guinness. Printing the posters cost in excess of €200. According to a source within UCD management, a Recognition Committee has been set up to monitor the situation. “UCD is a community of many parts, some of which maybe offended by the content of these posters. Societies have to remember that UCD is also home to

a couple of thousand staff. We must also think of the image projected to visitors to the campus.” “Of course we do not want to be in a situation where we have to pre-approve posters before they are put up. This would waste time, money and resources. We would like to be able to trust students’ judgment on this issue. It is not a matter of censorship. It is about creating an environment in which everyone on campus is comfortable.” The Students’ Union said that no complaints had been received from UCD students. Redmond commented that students had not had a particularly strong reaction to the content or the removal of the posters. This is mainly due to the fact that they were taken down before orientation week and very few students actually saw them.



College Tribune September 15 2009

News in Brief Compiled by Cathy Buckmaster UCD introduces measures to tackle Swine Flu UCD is mounting a defence against a possible outbreak of Swine Flu in the University. Various measures are being employed. Posters have been put up in every building informing students and staff about how to avoid and contain the A(H1N1) virus. Disinfectant gel and moist wipes have also been provided at various points around campus. Several Spanish students attending language courses in UCD over the summer were quarantined after becoming ill. All made a healthy recovery. Students who suspect they have contracted the illness are warned not to attend college but rather stay at home and phone their GP

Bar Closes early as security called in Philip Connolly

UCD offers places to unemployed UCD has made 190 funded college places available for unemployed graduates. This comes as part of an announcement by the Minister for Education of 1,000 part-time postgraduate university places for the unemployed. The jobless graduates are will study entrepreneurship, information technology, sustainable agriculture, green technologies, or nanobio science at UCD. These places come as part of the Government’s labour market initiative aimed at up-skilling workers in the economy sector. The places are funded by the HEA.

“None of us was hurt, but some of the lads were nearly hit by the bottles.” Reports of injury sustained to one person and two subsequent arrests remain unconfirmed. Few problems were experienced inside the bar as barmen confirmed that the trouble outside did not translate to problems in

Photography by Philip Connolly

“The blunt reality is that researchers cannot be kept on if there is no job for them” Money needed to fill other essential University jobs Karina Bracken

Points for UCD degrees have risen sharply, as seen in the Round One CAO offers. Leaving Cert entry requirements rose for 46 out of 79 denominated entry routes. The biggest hike in points was found in Omnibus Science where the requirement rose by 85 points. This may be a result of the Government’s investment in science at university level. UCD’s largest course Omnibus Arts also moved up from 350 to 360. However, construction-related courses saw their points fall drastically; Omnibus Engineering fell to 445 this year.

running along the top roof of the concourse. “Black Monday” is the term used to describe the first day of term. The tradition usually involves skipping class and freshers having their first experience of the bar. This has often resulted in problems throughout the campus in previous years as students are drinking for hours straight.

Siptu ballots on strike l l

Drastic change in points required for UCD

the bar. Normal service resumed later in the evening. With queues into the bar forming before 3pm in the afternoon, many were left outside as it filled to capacity. As they were refused entry, over one hundred students sat outside the bar for the afternoon. Around campus Pulse security was forced to confiscate alcohol from students drinking out in the open. There were also reports of some students

...Continued from page 1 “SIPTU cannot simply be in a reactive situation,” Allen admitted. He assured members the ballot would only mean a possibility of strike action. “It will not happen immediately. Industrial action will only be necessary if the threat of compulsory redundancies is not moved.” “During the Celtic Tiger University staff could have gone elsewhere. Despite this, people stayed on for job security. This statute now threatens that,” believes Chris Rowland of SIPTU’s Education Branch. One staff member summed up the situation of many UCD employees. “We have been screwed by this government. As a mother, I have no money as it is. The last thing we have is our job security.” Following the meeting, the College Tribune spoke to a UCD senior academic on the Governing Authority board. “I can assure you that the statute for compulsory redundancies hasn’t yet come to the

Governing Authority. While it was mentioned briefly in June, there was very little said officially about it. However due to the current economic climate I imagine that the statue could be put through quite quickly in the next two months.” The academic explained that the statute would principally focus on UCD researchers. “In 2004 legislation was introduced that gave rights to temporary employees similar to those enjoyed by permanent staff. This included things such as paid annual leave and retirement benefits.” This is now referred to as a “fixed term contract”. The 2004 legislation included the clause that is now being disputed over in the Governing Authority. It states that if you have had three or more fixed term contracts over a five year period, you are entitled to a permanent job at UCD. The researcher has a right to a position, even if there isn’t one available. The University is tied legally by the labour court to offer the researcher a job. According to the academic, the Governing Authority is concerned at the number of

researchers at UCD that have no specific research project to work on. “There is no work at UCD for some of the researchers that were involved in projects whose funding has dried up. Yet they are entitled to jobs.” “The University as a whole needs to be protected. The current situation is threatening to entirely destabilise UCD. What we see happening at the moment is that some departments in the arts, humanities, business and law require lecturers to fill specific positions. For example University funding is being tied up in keeping someone in science who is entitled to have a job but may not necessarily have anything to do. Both students and the University are losing out in this situation.” The Governing Authority member told the College Tribune that a permanent academic position in UCD usually involves lecturing, some administration and research. They claimed that some of the permanent researchers are exceptions to this rule. “The statue for compulsory redundancies

will only concern researchers. At the moment people can remain on the UCD payroll irrespective of whether there is a job there for them. This is an unrealistic way to run the University and it also keeps us from hiring people for other essential positions. The blunt reality is that researchers cannot be kept on if there is no job for them. As far as I am aware, other UCD jobs in both the academic and administrative sector would be safe from redundancies. This move could potentially safeguard these types of jobs in the future, as money can go in the jobs that are needed to keep the University running.” The academic has sympathy for those that would be affected by the Governing Authority statute. “The timing of course is unfortunate for the people concerned, as pre-recession it would have been easier for people in these research positions would have easier have found work elsewhere. I understand their fear, but to keep them on is no longer sustainable for the University.”


College Tribune September 15 2009


Students Hit By Grant Delay l500 students awaiting grant lUSI blames lack of reform Philip Connolly

Suprise success for Registration Eileen Gahan The online registration system for the new semester has experienced no major difficulties, according to a UCD Registry spokesperson. Michael Sinnott Director of Administrative Services at the Registry spoke to the College Tribune. According to Sinnott, “There have been no major problems to date.” The majority of students required no assistance to register. 75% of students completed registration from home. Assisted registration labs were also available on-campus. Sinnott reported that the number of students making use of the service was lower this year than in 08/09. Modularisation was introduced to UCD in 2006 and it incurred a number of problems. Student’s faced difficulties when attempting to register through the online system. After three years, it appears that most of the biggest flaws have been ironed out. “Significant improvements were made to online registration in 2007, with fewer changes in 2008.” says Sinnott. A review of 2008 showed an overall 85% “satisfactory” rating. Due to the improvements, students also had to spend less time registering. According to the Registry, the average UCD student spent 20% less time online in 2008 than in 2007. There have been no major changes made to registration this year, with the University sticking to what had proven a success the year before. Cutbacks in University spending or reduction in staffing did not inflict any major damage to student services dealing with registration. “The delivery of services this year was managed in such as way as to minimise the impact of the current financial environment.” Sinnott does warn that he expects “The continuing cuts to have a noticeable impact on registration next year.” A number of students did have problems registering. Most of the difficulties arose from the complicated nature of particular modular programmes. Sinnott believes “the freedom and choice available to students makes their registration intrinsically more complex compared to a programme which is more prescriptive.” According to Sinnott, “The challenges for the University lie in providing what students want; and not just in the technology that enables registration.” Students still facing problems can contact the Student Desk in the Tierney Building or their Programme Office.

The Union of Students of Ireland (USI) has criticised the recent delays in paying maintenance grants to third-level students. The Union has said that is concerned with the holdup in allocating funds to local authorities. USI claims that this has been caused by the Government’s failure to reform the grants system as part of the Student Support Bill. USI President Peter Mannion said there has been a 30% increase in the number of students applying for maintenance grants this year. “Given the current economic climate, even more students are relying on financial help from the Government with their college expenses,” Mannion stated. “This year, we have witnessed an increase of 30 percent in the number of students applying for maintenance grants. For vulnerable students, the first six weeks in college are critical and if these students are struggling financially, there is a real danger that they will be compelled to drop out of their studies. With little prospect of securing part-time work, how are these students expected to pay rent, buy course materials or simply meet the basic costs of living?” The most recent delay in the payment of grants by Sligo County Council is set to

affect hundreds of students, who may have to wait until January 2010 to receive their payments. According to Mannion, “this delay would not have occurred if the Student Support Bill had been enacted as promised.” Sligo Co. Council issued a statement saying that late payments from Government departments are impacting on its finances. The delay will affect up to 500 students across the country, including around 300

first years. The Department of Education says it has provided Sligo Co. Council with a form to make an early claim. They have said that the local authority must demonstrate the level of funding it requires to cover grant payments. The Department claimed that the Council has not done this. They added that they have not been contacted by any local authority in respect of difficulties relating to the payment of maintenance

grants to third level students. Local authorities can normally recoup the money they pay out for the first grant installments by the end of November each year. These arrangements are being kept under review by the Department. This is so local authorities do not find their finances are being put under strain by having to wait for funding.

UCD plans to offer student In Numbers One nurse to health insurance 15,000 students l l

Package specifically tailored to the healthcare needs of students Full cost of GP visit would be refunded under scheme Karina Bracken

This week it was revealed to the College Tribune that UCD are seeking to offer health insurance to students. The insurance package offered would be specifically tailored to the healthcare needs of the student population. The concept is in the early stages of discussion among UCD bodies, including Vice-President for Students Martin Butler and the Student’s Union Welfare Officer Scottie Ahern.

“We are presently going out to the market place to find a primary care insurance policy. This would be offered to the student body by us and in conjunction with the Students’ Union. The figures and the cost have to be worked out,” Butler said. Butler explained how he hopes the system will work. “If you visit the GP here on campus, then the full cost would be refunded under this insurance scheme. Similarly if you go to a doctor outside and they charge you €60, then you will get €25

of that returned to you.” “We are looking to incorporate a travel insurance policy into this also. This would be very attractive to students.” Butler hopes that an additional range of services would be offered within the insurance, including money recouped from various medical consultants.

One doctor to 9,000 students 2.5 doctors and 1.5 nurses during term time Doctor’s visit: €25 Nurses visit: €10 Psychiatrist: €40



College Tribune September 15 2009

Health service charges to make up budget deficit Karina Bracken Before the beginning of semester, an email arrived into the inbox of every UCD student informing them of new charges to the health service. The service was previously free but now students must pay to visit a doctor, nurse or psychiatrist. The counselling service remains free of charge. The College Tribune spoke to Dr. Sandra Tighe Director of Student Health, Martin Butler Vice President for Students and Gary Redmond Students’ Union President about the introduction of these fees. Dr. Tighe explained the reason for the charges. “In the present economic climate it is not possible for the University to fully support the health service on the funding it receives, additional income was essential. The income generated will go towards meeting a budget deficit as oppose to actually increasing the present resources.” Martin Butler confirmed Dr Tighe’s statement. “If a student can pay, then we want you to pay. We cannot allow you sit there and do nothing. This is because the money is being used to fund the service. It is being used to subsidise the counselling service. There would be a huge issue within the service if students who are able to pay do not pay.” Butler explained that tough decisions had to be made. The SU’s Gary Redmond echoed Butler’s sentiments. “It is the policy of the Students’ Union to prioritise student’s needs. As per last year’s student survey, it appeared what needed to be protected most was the library.” Dr Tighe said that she will be pushing for the service to keep more of the money earned in future. She is hoping to get a guarantee that the college funding won’t

l New source of income vital to keep service running l Pay as you go chosen format chosen over general levy drop beyond a certain level.” She could not envision a change in waiting times, due to the huge number of students that they cater for. She agreed that the charge could cause students to reconsider whether or not they needed to see a doctor. The charge of €40 for the psychiatrist service is much higher than the GP or nurse fee. Dr Tighe spoke about the reason for this. “Your first visit is an hour and subsequent visits are then a half hour. A charge for a consultant psychiatrist outside the University is around €200. Then it is about €150 for repeat visits. The cost is higher because it is a specialist consultation and you are guaranteed a longer visit. The great thing is that here you get to see the same person here every time, unlike in a hospital where you could see any number of psychiatrists each time you visit.” Butler and Redmond were both eager to stress that the counselling services remain free. Redmond claimed that the SU fought

the proposals for it to be charged. Similarly both figures cited the new student centre due to be completed by early 2011. They are hoping that a whole new range of medical and ancillary services will be offered. These would be charged at a subsidised rate. Two options were originally discussed for supplementing the funding for the health service. The first was pay per use. The second option, eventually discarded, was that all students would pay a levy on top of registration and general fees. According to Dr. Tighe “there are advantages and disadvantages to both situations. With the levy there would have been opposition from students who wanted to use their own GP. It seemed that a user fee was fairer than a blanket levy. My own fear would be that a levy would have been easily spread to areas other than the health service. However, with money coming directly in this way it will be easier for us to fight for it

in future.” Gary Redmond admitted that “in my campaign last year I promised that student services would be ring-fenced from charges. However both student services and the health centre have been struggling to keep within budget. There was a huge hole in the service; there was no money to replace staff going on maternity leave for example. Due to the anticipated income they have now been able to do so.” Redmond spoke about the SU’s liaisons with the college authorities over the issue. “When I took my position as President at the start of the summer I was informed that charges would be brought in to the health service. We worked all summer to combat it but we were unsuccessful. After meetings with the VP for students and members of the health service, we believe that we got the best deal that could have been achieved for students. It was always preferable that the service would be free,

will cost €25. What do you think of this? Well, taking the liberty of answering the question I myself have posed. It seems you you don’t see it as a problem. Afterall, the government increased the capitation fee to €1500, which is going straight to state coffers not the college. It is clear you have accepted that this cannot be challenged.

Dear Editor FAO Gary Redmond,

cannot afford to pay for the health service. You have accepted an Administration line, that this is a oneor-the-other choice between health services and library services. Of course, this is not the case, but you either are unaware, or don’t care. You claim legitimacy in supporting this, based on a survey conducted when no threat to health services were publicly on the horizon. This beggars believe. You are speaking as though you represent UCD and not the members of UCDSU. The corporate body, UCD and the students do not always have the same interests. That is why we have a student union; To represent our interests, not that of the Governing Authority, or whatever strange configuration runs Brady’s UCD.

You have been bought like a pup, and for what? Nothing, it seems. You have totally accepted the college’s argument that it

I note that students needing to access the psychiatric services will now pay €40 for the service, whilst needing to access a GP

Letters Dear Editor, We are told that health charges will improve the quality of service available to students. Whether it will improve overall student health is extremely doubtful, however. Quite simply, many students are operating on extremely tight budgets. Consequently, many will ignore symptoms of ill health because they can not afford to pay to see a doctor. It is important therefore that the Students’ Union is made fully aware of the widespread anger surrounding the introduction of health centre fees. It is of even greater importance that SU Welfare lives up to its promise to waive the fee for any student who cannot afford treatment. Fail-

ure to do so will lead to grave disillusionment with the current SU as a representative body for students. Yours etc, Bryce Evans PhD student and senior tutor, School of History and Archives.

The health service in UCD is oversubscribed certainly and underrescourced absolutely, but it is a fundamentally vital service when students find themselves in crisis. How many students will go without medical attention in the new year, because they lack the €25 to see the doctor. We already know, that students do not fill presrciptions for lack of money. College can be a traumatic experience for many students and I have had many friends, who have used the college’s psychiatric services. €40 is an awful lot, when you have a limited income or none. I fear that this vital service will be unavailable to some, because they lack the resources.

but the most vulnerable students will still get the service for free with medical cards and the Welfare Fund.” There is has been some controversy over the email sent by the college authorities to students informing them of the decision. “The email to students from Martin Butler was not co-signed by me. It was just to give an indication that the SU was working with the University. I think I clarified that when I sent out my own email the following day.” Butler hoped that they would be able to “bring as much humanity as possible” to introducing the charges. “The charges are not being incurred at the point of service, but after service. That is the fairest system that we could put in place. If you are sick, we want to make you well.” Redmond, Butler and Tighe all agreed that “at the end of the day, €25 is still a lot less than the €50 or €60 euro that you would pay at your local GP. It is cheaper for students to come here.” Tighe added that they have yet to have one negative reaction from those who have come in to use the service.

In my time, as both a part-time officer with UCDSU, and nationally, as a fulltime officer with USI, we never accepted such drivel and certainly would not have insulted the intelligence of our members, by sending them the sort of email you have distributed. I will not be in UCD this year, as I will be studying a masters in Trinity College, but I hope that this stupid and indeed dangerous change to the health service is overturned. In the meantime, the onus is on UCDSU to challenge UCD and fight on behalf of its members. I can see nationally that USI seems to be working to challenge the government’s assumptions, but I fear the students of UCD have no local advocate. Maybe you should go away and allow someone more suited take over. Yours, Bernard Cantillon HDip Social Policy, 2008-09 LGBTRO, UCDSU, 2001-02 Equality Officer, USI, 2002-03


College Tribune September 15 2009

Fresher’s guide 09

Take The Plunge Seldom spotted UCD

Jordan Daly takes you on a tour of places most of shall never grace, but may just be worth a gander...

The Secret Lake

The Bike Shop

The Tunnels

Hugh Brady

Full Lecture Halls

Located ten minutes from the Arts block if walking northeast. An infamous place, it has been the location of many shady sessions, dodgy dealings and sordid affairs. Do yourself a favour and skip that second economics lecture and instead ramble on down.

Although tricky to find, it would be a shame for any two wheeled commuter not to cross the threshold of this cyclist’s refuge during your few years traveling to Belfield.

You don’t really need to know about these as very few of you will experience these first hand but since you’re new, they run from outside the student centre to God only knows where. Sources close to the College Tribune have seen services open up a port tunnel like opening in the lower ground of the Arts Block.

Commonly known as the president of UCD, Brady is also referred to as the rich bloke who lectured in Harvard and is slowly turning UCD American.

They last about two weeks at the start of term.

Fresher’s Guide

College Tribune September 15 2009


A is for Arts block, the coolest place on campus, in the dungeon of which lie the tribune


is for Balls, UCD is all about balls. You’ll get dressed up for some, dressed down for others and maybe even play with a few. Footballs, of course. is for cadaver. I see dead people! Yes it’s true, there are dead bodies in the place, and most of them seem to be employed as lectures in 16th century poetry. It’s rumoured these creepy cadavers will be giving a special performance of Michael Jacksons Thriller at this years UCD Ball. is for Deflowering, if it hasn’t already happened then this is the place to pick your petals and prune your stem. is for Education, do try to get one while you’re here now won’t you? is for Fashion, there’s some VERY questionable fashion around this place. But it is the time to become you and break out of the mould. Have fun and be wacky. is for Gym. This is the place to go to achieve those amazing biceps and rippling abs that’ll make all the girls want you. Stay off the steroids though, they’ll shrink your mini me. is for hair, hats, hula-hoop’s, havoc, Hangover… well H is for a lot of things, but you’ll experience the hangover most of all. That snake bite seemed like a good idea last night, but when you’re dissecting a dead cat at nine am you see things in a whole new perspective. is for insomnia. It’s not just a coffee chain; it’s also the general condition that students suffer from during exam time. is for J-1, that adventures to the States the only country on earth that went from barbarianism to decadence without civilisation in between, or so Mr.




to of UCD

Wilde tells us. The word on the grapevine is you’ll find it just as hard to get a job here as if you stayed in Ireland, though you’ll probably have a much better time. is for kebab, they’re the most amazing food after a night out, but try one when you’re sober and you’ll end up on the toilet for a week with the loo role in the fridge for added comfort. is for libido or learning, but libido is more apt to your college experience. If you need to boost it try



is for Money and monkey. You’ll probably never have either while you’re in college, but if you manage to obtain the latter then perhaps you might train him to dance on Grafton street or at the lake and make a few quid?



is for Oh Fuck, the first words you’ll say the morning after the night before, as you peel back the bed covers to reveal the minger you brought home last night, it’s just like silent witness. is for panic which is the price you’ll pay for your procrastination and puerile prodigality producing a poor performance to be presented with painful palpita-



is for relaxation, if you’re getting stressed head to the bar, play some pool, or just chill with your new groovy college friends and discuss poetry and who’s sleeping with who over a mocha. is for soup its cheap and oh so good. It also doesn’t interrupt your liquid diet with nasty solids. Shed the pounds, look hot and see D for further ideas. is for tomorrow, the day you do EVERYTHING, you’ll do your essay tomorrow, you’ll start going to classes tomorrow, and if you’re in Coppers tonight then you’ll be getting the morning after pill tomorrow too and an STI screening. is for U.C.D. Obviously.



is for Vendetta, everyone has that one grudge bear-

ing tutor.




some aphrodisiacs. The top ten are, in order from 10-1. Rhino Horn, Spanish fly, alcohol, chocolate, oysters, Yohimbe and other such herbs you’ve never heard of, Viagra, psychoanalysis, getting in shape, and the number one was respect, but, S&M will probably do more to help a relationship.


is for night link, the cheap but not so safe way to get home from town on the weekend. It’s nicknamed the ‘fight link’ so beware, and watch out for middle aged men who hem you innocent girls into seats!


tions to your perturbed parents. is for queue, they’re everywhere. Try to think of inventive ways to skip them, like flirting outrageously with the person in front of you so you can have their place.

is for wild life, we have lots of it here, from swans, ducks and foxes to pulse security and I suppose you could describe that drunk guy from downstairs who just happens to get lost and end up in your apartment as wildlife too. is for X-ray, see climbing the concourse wasn’t such a good idea now was it Mr. three broken ribs? is for Youth. Enjoy it while you have it, make the most of it, don’t waste it, try everything, do everything and most importantly don’t regret it. is for zzzzzzzzzzzzz, the most common noise in the back of Critical Theory.



James Grannell


Fresher’s Guide

College Tribune September 15 2009

Footsteps to follow I can’t play forever; I’ve got three to five years left so I need to be employable when I hang up my boots.” As for UCD’s fine selection of eateries, D’Arcy claims he sadly can’t take advantage; “With being a professional sportsman, there are not too many places you can eat in UCD. I’m pretty nerdy with that kind of thing and I would have had my food pretty well prepared. I’d usually have my food in the back of the car or in my backpack if I’m on the bike.” D’Arcy’s best experience has just been the whole university experience; “I’ve just enjoyed waking my brain up and just going into college and being lucky enough that I know people in there because it could have been a pretty lonely experience.” As for his worst, he has his broken arm to thank for that. “My worst memory is trying to attend lectures when I had a cast up to my shoulder. I remember standing outside the library when I dropped something and I had something in my other hand so I spent ages trying to figure out how I was going to bend down and get it because I had no where to actually put what I was holding. It was pretty embarrassing.”

Gordon D’Arcy Balancing books and balls is easier said than done according to Irish Rugby international, Gordon D’Arcy. “It is tough balancing rugby and college. One side is physically draining so you could be finished training and you have to go sit in a lecture which is mentally draining but the benefits outweigh the costs.” “It was difficult for the first year and a half because I had a broken arm so that made the workload difficult. It’s tough but I’d say it’s easier when you have two working arms. The reasoning behind doing it is very specific.

more tempting than going to lectures. I think in second and third year it was four nights a week. So to be honest with you I was a bit removed I wasn’t really involved in” Nor does he attach any great importance to the academic experiences “All you need is a fucking hard neck really to get on, I suppose it’s general development as a person and they were things I was interested in, though actually come to think of it I did philosophy because I was interested in” He did however get a unique experince in the zoo “I do remember being one day in the zoo with my girlfriend at the time and suddenly this guy walks past who I knew to say hello in to UCD and he worked in the zoo. He brought up behind the monkey enclosure and we met an orangutan and got to shake hands with an orangutan , it kissed my fingers while I was kind of shitting myself. I thought it was going to bite my arms off really and that was it really, that’s about all I remember of it really.” Sean Moncrieff presents Moncrieff on Newstalk 106-108 fm, weekdays from 2.00pm4.30pm

Sean Moncriffe Before he told us all what for on the radio Sean Montcriffe he was wiling away the evenings in UCD, “I did my degree at night so my perceptions of UCD are probably different from someone who did it during the day, it was always dark and always raining and because of the architecture of the place it always seemed a bit grim and a bit scary and the halls where always empty” Not having the days to enjoy UCD’s unique pleasures Montcriffe had never really experienced UCD’s social scene “because it was a night degree for the first year you had to go five nights a week which I don’t know if I ever manage to do it. I was working as well so going to the pub on a Friday night was a bit

I was hung-over five days a week.” She confesses with mischievous laughter. “I remember sitting in a lecture where the room was quite dark and falling asleep.” Despite donning the title of most beautiful woman in the world, Davison found it didn’t really help her dating prospects. “Funnily enough, it sort of worked against me. Guys were less likely to chat me up and people were less inclined to talk to me, girls especially.” Like many other first years, Davison threw herself into the extracurricular activities. “I played netball for first year for the netball team and I did the UCD Fashion Show as well which I absolutely loved. One scene we had to wear sarongs and then just sort of petals to cover our dignity. It was the most exciting time I think of my whole college life.” Dumb model stereotypes are hard to avoid in the fashion industry but Davison claims having a degree really helps her overcome the rumours. “It’s a bit of a chip on my shoulder that there is this stereotype but that made me work really extra hard to get my degree and I was offered a scholarship in sociological research which I turned down but it’s nice to be able to say I was offered it.”

Rosanna Davison Long before she was strutting down runways as an international model and partying with celebrities as one of Ireland’s most prominent socialites, Rosanna Davison was just a regular Arts student trying to keep up with her workload from Sociology and Art History and thinking about entering Miss Ireland. Little did Davison know, it was a path that would eventually see her winning the Miss World title and propelling her to fame before she’d even finished her studies; no, she was far too buys getting locked in the bar. “The first few weeks were very much a blur;

had to take place in hotels or, horror horrors, Trinity College.” “I think that the authorities banned the parties as they had not wanted to see Sinn Fein involved because at that time they were supporting campaigns of violence and they felt that if they allowed one, they’d have difficulty drawing a line.” “I also remember Professor James Meenan, the Professor of political economy who was very good; he explained that economics is a body of knowledge and it’s something you can only use in realistic political circumstances. It was a lot more sensible than mathematic driven economics that unfortunately took over for the next 50 years with disastrous results as we’ve seen.” As for the ambassador’s fondest memory, he remains sensible as ever. “Definitely the parties; I enjoyed the parties over all things. I think the debates were good but the food wasn’t great.” “I would think that your time in university is the most enjoyable period of your life. You have a level of freedom you don’t have in school and you don’t have afterwards either because you have commitments to an employer or family life. I suppose you must use the freedom wisely, whatever that means.”

John Burton Deciding the countries budget, becoming the youngest ever Taoiseach and being an Ambassador for the EU is nothing compared to choosing your Arts subjects reckons Ambassador John Bruton; “One of the courses I considered was Logic which I thought this would be an absolutely useful thing to have. In the end, I didn’t do Logic which is probably just as well; sometimes people say that logic and politics don’t go together.” He laughs. As well as studying economics and politics, Bruton dove straight into the practical politics available to him. “I was involved in L&H but I also joined Fine Gael Students’ Party. It was an interesting stage as all political parties were banned from the UCD campus so the meetings

Fresher’s Guide

College Tribune September 15 2009


Know your Barman

If there is anyone worth knowing in UCD its those who server your drinks, philip connolly and James Grannell find out what makes them tick Declan “The Boss Man” Hyland. How long have you worked in the bar? For 21 years, since 1987. What’s the best thing about working in the bar? The people are always changing, there are always fresh faces. Also the bands, it’s a great music venue. Whats the worst thing about working in the bar? The summer when all the students are gone home, there’s only so much sky news you can watch.

Noel “Mad Man” Dumphy. How long have you worked here? 15 years. I’ve been here since September of ’94. Whats the best thing about working in the bar? There’s always something going on. There’s music, comedy and the characters in the bar. Whats the worst part of working at the bar? Rude people.

Gavin “the token northsider” Flannigan Whats the best thing about working at the bar? We don’t work weekends. I think it’s one of the only bars in Ireland where you get weekends off. Whats the worst thing about working in the bar? Coming over the liffy 5 times a week.

How do you get on your good side? By being mannerly and having some courtesy. How do you get on your bad side? By snapping your fingers or just generally having bad manners. Any good memories? Seen a few big names play here. Shane McGowan was the worst; he was arrogant, rude, and drunk!

How do you get on your good side? Buy me a drink or just say hi. How do you get on your bad side? Arrogant people screaming and shouting at you. Any good memories? Shane McGowan was great, the Fun Loving Criminals were great too.

How do you get on your good side? It’s very easy. It’s hard to get on my bad side. How do you get on your bad side? Whistling or shouting across the bar. Any good memories? When shane Mc Gowen was playing and someone fired a boot at him. He just carried on as if nothing had happened. It was one of the best gigs we’ve had here.

But dont spend too much time in their company of you’ll end up like this bar favorite....

Daryl “Junior” Hyland How long have you worked at the bar? 2 and a half years. Whats the best thing about working in the bar? It’s good craic and you have a laugh. Whats the worst thing about working in the bar? Sometimes you wish you were on the other side of the counter.

Kieth “Hungover” Warren. How long have you worked at the bar? I’ve worked here for 7 years. Whats the best thing about working at the bar? The acts you see and the first day back. Whats the worst thing about working in the bar? The first day as well, and the busy long hours.

How do you get on your good side? By being polite and patient. How do you get on your bad side? By being the opposite. Any good memories? Shane McGowan sparking up at the bar.

How do you get on your good side? Don’t scream and roar at me across the bar. How do you get on your bad side? Bringing your own drink into the bar. Any good memories? Well at the last UCD ball a girl came up to the bar to order a drink and she had her tit hanging out. When I pointed it out to her she just put it back in and said “now can I get a drink”.


Fresher’s Guide

Professor Grumus The Professor has arrived in UCD, shrouded in controversy and bent on indoctrinating of the youth Ah, I have at last crossed the threshold into the hallowed halls of the fine educational establishment, which is the University College Dublin, founded by that splendid old bugger cardinal John Henry Newman. Why, you may ask has such a distinguished Oxford don as myself occupied a post at Irelands number two university (don’t appear so taken aback my chickens, you all know full well you’re only here because you weren’t capable of swindling your way into Trinity!)? Well the answer is that I resigned my eminent position as head of the history department after quite a nasty furore kicked up in relation to a little incident involving myself, a French man and a courgette in a public lavatory. What a hullabaloo that caused! Then while searching through the marvellous modern internet device I came across a lively article in relation to gay cruising on the campus of UCD which appeared in the college tribune. Well of course I thought this was the place for me. Nothing like a little buggery in the shrubbery to brighten ones afternoon I always say! Splendid indeed and here I am.

Nothing like a little buggery in the shrubbery to brighten one’s afternoon On my arrival here in UCD I have decided to give back to society by contributing a regular column in this marvellous mode of modern media that is the college tribune. As this is the first edition of the year I would like to extend some helpful advice to all those fresh faced idealistic fresher’s. Firstly of course I must tell you that if you intend at any point to frolic in a public lavatory, whether or not this involves a courgette or indeed any vegetable, do please ensure the door is securely locked! Unfortunately I haven’t yet myself found a good source of narcotics so I am afraid you should have to wait for a further issue to read my drugs guide to Dublin I shall call it ‘shit faced in the city’. I do however

earnestly implore you take up smoking in the mean time. It is a truly wonderful way to meet new people; many a great relationship has began with one asking for a light. It will also make you appear terribly ‘cool’. Never mind the cancer warnings on the pack, its better to die young and pretty, receiving the gentle favours of your desired, than an old shrivelled prune looking at that travesty of television that is fair city while knitting a sleeve for your bladder bag. Sex begins at 60, take it from me! Toothless falatio is simply divine, and the elderly are always glad of a warm drink. You young gentlemen out there will also note that many packs contain the warning ‘may cause impotence’ well I have done the math, and I assure you that cigarettes are vastly cheaper than condoms, though I am told the Student Union often offers a deal if you buy in bulk. This is of course rather wishful thinking on the part of most young men. You ought also to become acquainted with that most academic of arts, plagiarism. Find yourself some well written essays and they will serve you well throughout you’re academic career. I’ve done it my whole life, and look at all I have achieved. You should I believe, endeavour to miss as many lectures as possible in the first week of your term in order to better acquaint yourself with the student drinking scene. I hear it’s marvellous, what with all the lewd behaviour, drunkenness, and debauchery, sounds like heaven doesn’t it? Perhaps if you manage to locate some narcotics you could pass the information on to me during my office hour. I’m not just a grumpy old fart; I’m here to help with all your problems. Also, during your period of revelry here do try to avoid venereal diseases; I caught a nasty little itch from a wonderfully adept lady on Lesson Street. and I swear it took me four months, and several creams, to solve the issue. I shall now leave you my little darlings; I must find my lucky Y fronts for my first week of lecturing. As you were, so be you now!

College Tribune September 15 2009

Please talk Students can encounter any number of problems when at University and it often helps to talk. Karina Bracken speaks to Leon Ó Giolláin and Anna Farrell about their respective roles as Chaplain and Student Advisor. Leon Ó Giolláin is like a mini celebrity in UCD. In our short walk to the café he was greeted by students, heads of schools and senior management. It is an attest to his vocation that he is so friendly and easy to speak to. Over coffee Leon explains the work he does within the University. “The full title of my job is Chaplain/Student Advisor. Only in the last few years has the name, Student Advisor, been added. Basically, Student Advisors do the job that chaplains used to do.” “They are there to help people in nonacademic matters such as personal or family problems and financial difficulties. However Student Advisors now do the work of the chaplain. So we have obtained this combined name because we are available for all of the work that the Student Advisors do. There is also the added religious and spiritual dimension.” There are four main areas that the UCD Chaplains concentrate on. According to Leon, the first is, Speakeasy. “We offer a one-to-one relationship with students. People can approach us out in the campus or come to visit us in our offices. There is also our drop-in centre G005 in the Newman building. Students can meet us to discuss any issue at all personal, financial or spiritual.” The second area is, Pray as you Go or worship. “There are people who come to practice their faith. Mass is celebrated everyday at 1pm and there is Student Mass on Saturday evenings. A lot of International students come to it.” Thirdly, there is the Talk-time Options. “People have many questions about faith and the existence of God. One outlet for this is the Newman Society which I am very involved in. We have sessions when people can talk and explore the simple questions about religion. There are also seminars on moral issues for example last year there was, Let’s Talk about Sex. Finally, there is what the chaplains call, Go Roaming. It refers to the volunteering activities organised by the chaplaincy. “This Summer, I went with a group of

students to Rome and we hope to go to the World Youth Day in Madrid 2011. Every year we organise a group for the Camino Santiago de Compostela.” Leon has been involved with the UCD Saint Vincent de Paul society (SVP) for years. “I would advise people to join SVdP. It is a great society, one of the biggest in UCD. It is very inclusive and sociable. Everyone is welcome and you meet a great range of people.” “Even if you are not religious it is just about helping people. They target the poorest of the poor; they go out on the streets and hand out soup. While they are no strangers to work, there are always social nights out like the de Paul pub crawl.” Leon wants students to know that chaplains are always available and there to help. “Never feel that you are imposing on our time, that’s what we are here for. And don’t worry we’ve heard it all, nothing would surprise or shock us.” He exclaims. The interview with Student Advisor, Anna Farrell, takes place in the more relaxed surrounding of her office in Health Science. Bright and welcoming, she has classical music playing softly. Student Advisors in UCD are attached to particular programmes, such as Arts or Science. Anna works with Nursing, Physio, Radiography and Public Health. “Student Advisors are embedded with programmes; therefore there is one accessible in a building near you.” “We are distinct from the academic and lecturing staff. You can come to speak to us, we offer supportive listening and the conversation will be completely confidential. Of course, there is the exceptional circumstance if someone is threatening to hurt themselves or others when we may to seek outside help.” According to Anna, Advisors work in a very holistic style. No matter how small or how serious, “We tend to take in the full range of that person’s life. It is obviously preferable to make an appointment if you would like a long conversation but you can literally just pop in.” There are three main areas that Advisors deal with: social, practical and psychologi-

cal/emotional. Socially, there is orientation and welcoming new students. “Last year I set up a Peer Mentoring scheme which is facilitated by students who are a stage ahead of incoming ones.” “The mentors carry out a type of guiding or friendship role. Their aim is to help people socialise and become integrated in UCD. It involves some academic element, like helping them set up study groups.” Anna is also involved in UCD Volunteer Overseas and the UCD musical. On the practical side, Advisors can facilitate conversations with the Programme Office if students are having problems. They also help to fill out extenuating circumstances forms. “Advocacy is an important role, that is to help students get their needs meet. Financial difficulties are obviously huge issue.” The three main funds that Anna deals with are the Student Assistance Fund, Welfare Fund and the Childcare Assistance Fund for UCD students. The Welfare Fund is for unforeseen events that happen throughout the year. This could be bereavement, unemployment or mental health issues. It is for something that would cause a financial difficulty. An Advisor or Chaplain can help students fill out the necessary application form. The Student Assistance Fund is more fixed and it is only offered twice a year. Its focus tends to be more socioeconomic. Anna is delighted that her days are very varied. “Student Advisors deal with everything and anything, including body image, eating distress, drug use, sexual issues, pregnancy and even allegations of bullying or assault. Sometimes it is simpler, like a relationship break-up.” In the end, Anna feels that “it is a privilege that people feel that they can come to speak to me about their problems.” For more information please visit: www. and

Fresher’s Guide

College Tribune September 15 2009


To Eat Or not to Eat Throwing caution to the wind and laughing in the face of danger, Mark Hobbs braves the delightful and disturbing edibles on offer at this fine institution

BNAG COLLEGE TRIBUNE AD:Layout 1 07/09/2009 12:43 Page 1

On arriving in UCD, many a fresher realises the sad fact hat it’s not nice having to fend for yourself. Life was a lot easier when every morning you were handed an Action Man lunchbox by your Mammy, lovingly containing a ham sandwich, a Capri Sonne and a Penguin bar. Now responsibility and independence are the name of the game. Never fear; one of the most important skills that a new student can learn is the ability to find people to do the responsible things for them, ideally at a reasonable price. While we here at the College Tribune won’t offer to get up early, cut the crust off your sandwich and send you off into the real world with a kiss on the cheek and a ruffle of the hair, we are nice enough to point you in the direction of a few reasonably priced sources of edible grub on campus. The College’s largest eatery is the student restaurant, which offers lots of seating, choice and variety but unfortunately very little taste. It’s better to have a small and select menu than a large, average one. While deals such as the pasta and garlic

bread for €4.15 seem to be decent value, portions are pretty small. A far better alternative is to trick your friends into starting a session with the pretence of lunch in the SU Bar. It’s typical pub and chipper grub on offer, but if you’re looking for your five a day there’s a smoothie and salad bar too. Which is lucky because the €4.50 snack box sure doesn’t look like it’s packed full of vitamin C. The Elements Café in the science block is well worth a visit. The food is of a high standard and fairly varied, but the amateur body builder should be aware; the portions are a little measly at times. As you order and collect at different points and from different people, no amount of flirting is going to change the portion size. If you are a coffee connoisseur, very rich, or would like to see how it feels to be Ross O’ Carroll Kelly for a day, then Insomnia in the Quinn building is for you. Nine One One’s €2 coffee and doughnut deal is ideal for a caffeine and sugar rush needed mid morning. The lunch time soup and sandwich for a fiver deal is reasonable too and

a handy option for a quick bite on the go. For a home cooked type feed, the Sport’s Bar is a good option. Dishes like lasagna and pies can be had for roughly €4, but there is a catch. It’s hard not to feel fat when you look down at the folk exercising. Maybe ask for a side salad to ease the guilt. The sandwich bar in the Student Centre is cheap and a good healthy option but queues are often a bit mental. The Centre Bar serves some really great deals such as half a pizza with chips on the side for €4.50 and generally there’s a tasty yet healthy option too for when that freshman weight gain kicks in. Don’t worry; it’s just your body’s way of saying all this eating is probably getting in the way of your drinking. O’ Brien’s in the Health Science building is very good quality but unforgivably overpriced. So there you have it, they’re the culinary delights that UCD has to offer. Don’t be too down; you can always make your own lunch if you want to get up at seven in the morning. Didn’t think so.

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Ronnie of d Accuse n w o d g n i go easy

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing Iraqi head seeks arms Convict evades noose, hung jury. Kids make nutritious snacks Blind woman gets kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years Psychics predict world didn’t end yesterday College dropouts cut in half Man is fatally slain

Tit Get Free Boobs From Ulster It has recently been reported that students at TIT (Tallaght Institute of Technology) are being offered free passes to strip clubs as an incentive to join Ulster Bank. The banking group are hoping this will lead to a rise in their male members. Recently, with the advent of the recession, there has been a distinct lack of interest in the banking world. Ulster however, has decided to stand alone and say NO to this decline and appeal to the male population in order to arouse interest in these hard times. Feminist groups from both north and south of the border have joined together in condemning the actions of Ulster bank and called for a boycott to be put in place. Many famous Ulster icons have also commented on the situation. Daniel O’Donnell has been quoted as saying ‘sure what would I know about women dancing on poles, I have no interest in strip clubs. I just stay home and have a nice cup of tea and a wee jam scone with me mammy.’

When asked for his comments on recent events Dr. Ian Paisley replied with a firm ‘no!’ Gerry Adams became irritated by people interrupting him but eventually gave his comment; ‘as I have said time and time again we in Northern Ireland are not the Ulster bank.’ It would seem from the evidence that there is confusion across the board, as to how they should react about the situation. The incident has caused massive outrage among many people. When asked it seems the USI and TIT Students Union were unavailable for comment due to a prior engagement at an unspecified bar in Dublin. Ulster bank officials have attempted to distance themselves from the occurrence and assure The Turbine that they will no longer offer complimentary lap dances to people who sign up for a savings account, thus causing the problem of deflation which affects the contents of student’s boxers as well as their bank balances.

Exclusive!! SU Hit By Swine Flu! Fears are rampant in UCD of an imminent outbreak of a swine flu. It has been reported that students with the sniffles are being immediately ostracised by their peers as fears of contracting the disease grow throughout the college. It is understood that the disease, which was at first thought to have originated in Mexico did in fact have its birth in the area around Pearse Street Garda Station. The germ was subsequently contracted by, and brought to, UCD by a certain welfare officer who shall remain unnamed. It would seem that the UCD SU is not just content to stand idly

by as fees are introduced for the student health service, but in fact wish to contaminate the entire student body with this worrying illness. Some have suggested that this is a clever move on the part of the Redmonite regime to eliminate their main opposition FEE, who last year stood for election against many of the current SU officers. It is well known that FEE are a red flag waving, Socialist group who, on the whole, will be unable to afford the cunning capitalist fees being introduced in the student health service, thus incapacitating and craftily eliminating them from next years race.

On the matter of the infection scientifically known as H1N1 one student remarked, “It seems that the swine flu is everywhere; people are talking about it as though it is lurking in the shadows ready to spring forth and infect you.” UCD governing authorities however assure The Turbine that “the only thing lurking in the shadows are Hugh Brady and his stealth fees waiting to financially cripple us all.” It seems that this will prove a year of great foreboding for the student body, as swine flu and fees take hold, both you and your wallet will be affected, while porkers abound all round.


College Tribune September 15 2009


the college tribune


The College Tribune 15.9.09

Down the Line

The Boys And Girls Of Summer Colman Hanley A great sporting summer is generally accepted as being a period of time in which a major global tournament has taken place. The summer of 2009 was devoid of a soccer World Cup or European Championships, rugby World Cup or an Olympics. Major sports channel SKY had to massively promote the ‘British and Irish Lions Tour’ of South Africa in order to justify people buying their sports package. Luckily enough for Mr Murdoch and Co, the Lions and Springboks served up three thrilling test matches. Only twelve months ago, Ireland captain Brian O’Driscoll was being doubted and written off by some of the Irish media. However a year on and O’Driscoll has both a Grandslam and Heineken Cup winners medal. Against the world champions of South Africa, O’Driscoll’s play oozed of class. An offload to Tom Croft to score a try in the first test was sublime, while the Leinster man’s leadership was to the fore in the two tests he played in. Paul O’Connell further proved his ‘legend’ status, while Rob Kearney and Jamie Heaslip (UCD scholars along with O’Driscoll) came out of the series having enhanced their reputations. The Autumn international series sees South Africa come to Croke Park; it should be yet another exciting affair. The month of July also saw the best tennis player of all time break the sport’s all time best record. In winning the Wimbledon title for a sixth time, Federer won his fifteenth Grandslam and became the greatest champion of all time. In winning his first

French Open at Roland Garros a month previously, Federer silenced his doubters. His record was set at a time when Spanish rival Rafael Nadal was out injured with a knee problem. Whispers were rampant that the injuries sustained could affect Nadal permanently, but recently at the US Open, Nadal quelled those fears by displaying some of the great tennis he has produced over the past 4 years. One of sport’s great rivalries should continue for years to come. The Hungarian Grand Prix is not a date in the sporting calendar that would jump out at many people. Yet Felipe Massa’s qualifying session of the Grand Prix weekend would produce one of talking points of the Summer. The Brazilian from Sao Paolo was ironically struck by a piece of debris from the car of fellow countrymen and close friend Rubens Barrichello while approaching turn four of the Hungaroring track at approximately 162mph. The force of impact left Massa unconscious, causing memories of the death of fellow Brazilian and great, Ayrton Senna at Imola, to come flooding back to many. However Massa thankfully pulled through and has already begun his preparations to return to Formula 1. The incident was a huge talking point, but when the announcement of Michael Schumacher as a replacement driver was made, the whole world took notice. The announcement had a massive effect in the sport as a scramble for tickets ensued as people dreamed of seeing the greatest driver of all time in action once more. However fans of ‘Schumi’ and of sport in general were robbed of such a prospect as the body of the 40 year old was proven to not be up to the rigours and physical de-

mands of driving a formula one car. Ironically while one legend failed to come back from retirement to race, another succeeded in this feat as Lance Armstrong returned to compete in the Tour de France. The Tour has been ridiculed in recent times because of continuous stories of cyclists testing positive for drugs including past ‘Maillot Jaune’ champions Marco Pantani, Floyd Landis and Jan Ullrich. Armstrong too had accusatory fingers pointed at him by many in the French media during his winning spell which saw him win seven Tour titles from 1999 to 2005. However, his return to the circuit saw most the animosity of his doubters disappear. The massive impact of his return to competition was vividly shown in the huge increase in media coverage of the Tour, over 500,000 in America would tune in to watch the Tour every morning (an increase of 50% in viewer figures). Armstrong’s 37 year old body just had not got the power it once had, and while the Texan still finished a very acceptable third place, he will have noted that he lacked the stamina required as he trailed Contador by over five minutes. Meanwhile Nicolas Roche, competing in the Tour for the first time, came home in an excellent 23rd position. Armstrong ended his summer by competing in this year’s Tour of Ireland, a real fillip for the promotion of the competition which also featured star Manxman Mark Cavendish. Armstrong’s time in Ireland was used to promote his charity, Livestrong, an organisation the Texan founded after his own battle with testicular cancer. On behalf of Livestrong, he managed to

fit in a cycle around the Phoenix Park. Over 1,000 people turned up for this after the Texan had made an impromptu announcement over his Twitter page that he would be there. However, the arrival of ‘The Greatest’ in Ireland was to overshadow Armstrong’s visit. Having fought Al Blue Lewis in Croke Park in 1972, Muhammed Ali returned to our shores to visit the birthplace of his great grandfather in Ennis, Co Clare. Thousands lined the street to honour the man who now can also be known as ‘The First Freeman of Ennis’. The global highlight of the sporting summer had to be the events of the World Athletics Championships. Ireland had one of their most successful championships in history, Olive Loughnane’s silver medal in the women’s twenty kilometre walk being one of Ireland’s greatest athletics achievements of all time. Elsewhere the fourth place finish and lifetime best time of 12.70 seconds for former UCD student Derval O’Rourke in the women’s 110 metre hurdles final proved once more she can perform to her best ability in high pressure situations. David Gillick’s sixth place finish in the men’s 400 metre final was another success, while Paul Hession also ran well, though missing out on a place in the 200 metre men’s final. But it’s hard to look past Usain Bolt as being the star of the sporting summer. His performance in the men’s 100 metre final was breathtaking as he recorded a time of 9.48 seconds, beating his previous ‘jogging’ record of 9.71 seconds from last year’s Beijing Olympics. His feat left former Olympic champion Michael Johnson “dumbfounded”, while

one must wonder what the American thought of Bolt when he broke the 200 metre world record which Johnson once held. Bolt even went on to claim a third gold in the men’s four by 100 relay race. He has brought great style and imagination to the athletics track, with his antics in front of the camera before a race and his now trademark ‘Bolt arms’. The Jamaican is idolised all over the world and you hope that no controversy will ever surround Bolt as he can promote athletics and be a superstar for years to come. By contrast, South African athlete Caster Semenya sadly attracted media attention for all the wrong reasons. While easing to victory in the 800 metre Women’s Final, the rumours of the athlete’s gender were being talked about by the world’s media. The latest unofficial news in this controversy appears to indicate that the South African could possibly have ‘intersex status,’ containing both male and female sex characteristics. With no official test results or statement on the matter to be made in the immediate future, the unfortunate furor over Semenya is likely to go on for some time to come. When predicting the entertainment value of the summer of 2010, we can be sure that it will be dominated by the events of the World Cup in South Africa. But the question is; will it be dominated by a success story for the Irish soccer team and for another sporting legend in Giovanni Trapattoni? The World Cup play-offs on the fourteenth and eighteenth of November should go a long way to answering that question. Let us all hope that next autumn we will look back on the summer of 2010 with even fonder sporting memories!



College Tribune September 15 2009

UCD aim to finish top of the pack Colman Hanley talks to UCD captain Ronan Finn and UCD manager Martin Russell on the Senior soccer teams chances

Photography by Barry Hennessy UCD’s soccer side has maintained their strong league position over the summer. Having started the season winning their opening seven games, UCD have kept up their push for promotion. Automatic promotion can be achieved by finishing top of the First Division, while second and third must face off against each other, before the winner goes on to play the ninth placed team in the Premier. But in only lying two points off league leaders Shelbourne, the aim of the team is surely to forego the confusing play-off system and gain promotion automatically. UCD captain Ronan Finn realistically admits it will be difficult to catch league leaders Shelbourne. “There’s no doubt about it, we all know that Shels are in pole position, but we’ve got to play them in a

couple of weeks, so that’ll be an interesting game. Following last week’s defeat against Sporting Fingal, we wanted to make a point after we simply did not play against them and lost. On a good playing surface at the Bowl, we played really well against Monaghan and made up for last weeks disappointment.” UCD manager Martin Russell is in his first season as a senior football manager. It has been quite a successful rookie season. With UCD currently in second place in the League of Ireland First Division, and having reached the semi-finals of the EA Sports Cup, Russell should have a lot to be happy about. However he remained calm and realistic about the club’s league hopes. “We’re trying to finish as a high as we can and play the season out in the best foot-

balling manner. We want to help and support these lads get to the next level of the sport. If we can do that collectively, great, but if we don’t, I’m sure one or two of the players will still go on to get opportunities elsewhere.” Players like Andy Boyle, who represented Ireland’s Under nineteen International side recently against Portugal, is one such player who has the ability to make a career. However Russell did emphasise the terrific ethos and philosophy of the club’s scholarship programme which allows young people to both play football and gain an education. This ‘carrot’ is something that no other club can offer, so while UCD cannot compete with the exorbitant wages of Bohemians and Shamrock Rovers, they can at least offer this unique opportunity

to young Irish players. “The scholarship programme is what the club is all about, and it’s supplemented by a good mix of amateurs and semi-professionals. For example against Monaghan United, we had five past or current scholars playing. We just want to give these young lads a chance to test themselves and see how high they can go in the game.” On the big game with Shelbourne in a few weeks time, Russell accepted it could possibly be a decisive game. “Ideally, we would like to be going to Tolka Park with the aim of getting closer to them for the run-in. However there are still other teams that we’ve played who have thrown a spanner in the works, and they are very much capable of doing it again. The Shels match looks like it’ll be a huge game, es-

pecially if we can get the points against a tough Finn Harps side this coming Friday.” On next weeks trip to Ballybofey Russell added, “The pitch up there can sometimes be tricky to play on as if the weather is poor, the surface can get very soft. However we’ll approach the game in the same positive manner that we always do, and apply ourselves. If we do that, we’ll be a tough proposition for Harps.” The College must also face Kildare County at home before the key game at Tolka Park against Shelbourne on October 2nd. Should Russell’s men win these 6 points ahead of the top of the table clash, UCD have every chance of still achieving their wish of automatic promotion.

Competing for nothing but pride, UCD defeated their varsity rivals ....Continuned from back page

Photography by Ian Mulholland

Ronan McCormack, a substitute, tackled the receiving player in the air, in a deliberate fashion, and was sent to the sin bin for ten minutes. McCormack was at this game to gain match fitness ahead of Leinster’s assault on the Heineken Cup this year. As the game approached the final ten minutes UCD seemed to be coasting towards their only victory of the campaign but Trinity were not quite out of it yet. A careless penalty given away by the Boys in Blue allowed the opposition fly-half a shot at the posts to bring it back to a tie. At 10-10 with only minutes to go, Trinity hurt themselves with another penalty right in front of their own posts. Fly-half, Niall Earls, stepped up and sent UCD back into the lead by three points. Trinity were persistent, retrieving the restart and importantly holding on to the ball, baiting UCD into giving away a penalty in good range to level the score. The College also had one play left however, with a great break by Conran again leading to a great bit open free flowing

rugby between the backs. As the play broke down to pick and go Murphy burst through the line again, diving under the posts with finality. Scrapping around, trying to find one last attack, Trinity fell foul of the touch judge and had a player yellow carded as the match entered injury time. A long-range token attempt of a penalty went wide and Trinity desperately went hunting for an equaling try. Just as the final whistle was approaching, Ronan McCormack was sent from the field for another cynical foul and obvious second yellow card. It was a sad way to see the end of a competitive match. UCD were fortunate; If the Trinity inside centre had remained on the field, a lot more attacks would have been successful and the handling errors reduced. The midfield of UCD, from ten to thirteen, needs to be refined or changed, as they left a lot to be desired.


College Tribune September 15 2009


Giving it Socs To save the needless waste of misguided money at the Sports expo this week, Eoghan Brophy find outs about the lesser known sports on offer in UCD so you don’t have to A week around campus is barely enough to show off UCD’s top sporting facilities; Soccer, Rugby, Gaelic, Hurling, Hockey and Basketball are very obviously well catered for. What about some of lesser known sports around UCD? There’s something for everyone, from sports fanatics’ right down to someone who just wants to improve their fitness. There is a wide variety of sports but Christian Foley-Fisher describes Orienteering as quite unique. “It’s a family sport but you can also compete at an elite level.” Plenty of societies and clubs claim, “We are one of the biggest societies in UCD,” but orienteering is not one of them. “We are a quite a small society,” says Foley-Fisher, but that is in no means a bad thing. “Everybody knows everybody and if you join you can really get to take part in the sport.” For some, sport is all about competing, winning, being the best. For others it is a means of keeping fit, just enjoying a bit of running around, making friends and being out in the fresh air. Orienteering caters for both sets of people according to Foley-Fisher. “The whole idea of the sport is that everyone is given a map with certain points on the map that you have to visit in sequence and the winner is the person who does it the fastest. It’s a timed race so there’s no pressure on you from other people or people watching you.” “So if you want to run as fast as you can, you can. If you want to walk around the place, no one’s going to think any different of it. People find that hard to imagine. They think every sport has to be very competitive and in every sport, people want to know did you win. In Orienteering; everyone wants to know where you made your

mistakes.” Orienteering is a great way to improve your navigation skills and the orienteering events take around an hour to complete. However, there are races for all levels, with different times and technicalities. The main schedule is taken from the national website, so there is no set weekly day to meet up for orienteering. These events range from a campus league around UCD and other colleges, to the Wicklow Mountains, right out to international trips abroad to Budapest, Sweden and more. So, fed up being lost in the Arts Block, Orienteering isn’t a bad route to find your way. If you are looking to join or just have more questions, they will be down in

the Sports Hall during fresher’s week or you can email Karate, Taekwondo-Do, Judo, are all familiar to the average punter but what about Capoeira? Considering even people who are involved in it find it hard to define it, it’s no surprise that Capoeira can mystify some people. “I wouldn’t really call it a martial art, because there’s no real righting involved,” according to Douglas Barbin of the Capoeira club. “Capoeira is a Brazilian art form, originating from Africa combining athletic movements from dances and martial arts.” Barbin explains; “For now we only have about 50 people because we

started during the out of term period so we have mostly post-grad students and staff members but I have had people contacting me about joining since we’ve come back.” Capoeira is more than a sport; it is an exploration of culture. Brazilian instruments are used at the Roda, a show where Capoeira is performed. “It is more popular on the continent with around 70% of our members being internationals,” according to Barbin. “This also means that most people who take it up are beginners so everyone is starting from the same place and we have two qualified Capoeira instructors to facilitate training sessions.” So, if you’re looking for something completely new, Capoeira could be where

to go. .html has more information for anyone who is interested. The Rifle and Pistol Club last year celebrated its 20th anniversary. John Cooper describes UCD’s Olympic Air Rifle range as “one of the best ranges in the country with fourteen firing points and all electronic targets.” “We also have training from Olympic coaches for people of all levels. We have extra coaches this year so there will be four coaches.” If you want to be competitive, there are plenty of chances. “We have open competitions here in UCD where we would invite clubs such as Wilkenstown and Trinity. Last year we had three of those open competitions where we invited other clubs. We also have club competitions during the week for our members.” As in all clubs beginners are always welcome. With training Monday’s, Tuesday’s and Wednesdays from 6-9 there is plenty of opportunities to improve. The Rifle and Pistol Club is located in the Boiler House beside the Water Tower and on the web at www. That’s three sports explored that you may not have been aware about here at UCD. That only leaves 59 to have a look at in the sports expo. Into Snowsports? UCD has got them, Ultimate Frisbee, yep, that’s there as well. American Football was only set up last year, so it does happen where there is a gap and people find a sport missing where they have an interest. There’s nothing stopping you setting up your own. All clubs are open to newcomers. The training is all provided. The cost is minimal, the friendships are lasting.

Summer of Sport

UCD Sports Societies lesser known sports on offer in UCD Profiles Page 19

the winners and loser of the summerDown the line Page 17

the college tribune


The College Tribune 1.9.09

Photography by Ian Mulholland

Tense varsity match ends with victory for UCD Ben McCormack Belfield UCD 20

Photography by Barry Hennessy

College Stroll to confidant win Colman Hanley Belfield UCD 3 Monaghan United 0 Finn 24 Reilly 61 Rusk 90

UCD moved into second place in the League of Ireland First Division with a 3-0 win over Monaghan United in the Belfield Bowl last Friday. UCD made one change to the starting line-up, the suspended Greg Bolger being replaced by Paul Corry, who made his first team debut. The signs were ominous for Monaghan from the outset, skipper Ronan Finn and striker Ciarán Kilduff had efforts deflect-

ed wide of the goal while debutant Corry had a shot well saved by Monaghan’s seventeen year old keeper Aaron McCleary. On 24 minutes, UCD eventually opened the scoring. A flick on by Kilduff found Peter McMahon and the Monaghan born scholar was fouled in the penalty area by ‘Mons’ skipper Paul Whelan. Referee Paul Tuite had little hesitation in pointing to the spot and Finn’s powerful strike to the bottom left hand corner beat the efforts of McCleary. The College could have extended their lead but Evan McMillan’s 44th minute header from a Corry free was tipped away by McCleary. UCD went in at the break with a one goal lead. The second half started with UCD again

in the ascendancy, a Finn strike from 25 yards being palmed away by the talented McCleary. However the youngster, reportedly attracting the interest of English Premier League side Wolverhampton Wanderers, was beaten again after 61 minutes. In the best move of the game, McMahon linked up with Finn, whose delicate chip to Kilduff was squared across the goal for John Reilly to tap home. UCD had further chances to extend their lead. Keith Ward and Gavin Falconer both had long range efforts off target, while on 85 minutes Ward did his best to impersonate Maradonna’s great solo effort against England in the quarter final of the 1986 World Cup. Receiving the

ball from his own half, his dribbled past 5 players leaving them all in his wake. But having done all the hard work, he failed to get a shot in from the edge of the box. A deserved third goal came in injury time. After playing a neat one two with Falconer, Graham Rusk passed the ball into the far corner of the net from ten yards, adding gloss to what was an easy victory. UCD next face Finn Harps in Ballybofey next Saturday. UCD Barron, Shorthall, Boyle, E McMillan, Nangle; Reilly (Ward 76), Corry, Finn, D McMillan; Kilduff (Rusk 76), McMahon (Falconer 81). Subs not used: Harding, Brennan.

Trinity 13

Competing for nothing but pride, UCD defeated their varsity rivals, Trinity, in the final group game of the Leinster League Cup, by 20-13. Both teams had already suffered defeats to Old Belvedere and Clontarf, making progression impossible. Yet, a game between the two oldest college rivals supplied enough of an incentive for a competitive, heated game of rugby. In a game where nothing really happened in the twenty minutes either side of halftime, the score can be seen as somewhat of a relief. UCDs midfield was decimated over the Summer by the departure of Fergus McFadden, Killian Lett and club captain Michael Hastings; three key playmakers. The new midfield would have to stand up to a stern test from the exciting Trinity inside centre who was the focus of the attack and the first try of the game, dancing through from 22 metres out. Trinity took an early lead of 7-3 by the end of the first quarter but it could have been so much more. Without their playmaker in the middle, they fell to many missed opportunities through bad handling. Continued page 18