Lil dick niggas truly disappoint me. What’s the point of courting me and making me feel special if you just got a lil dick? Forgive me, I don’t mean no harm. I don’t mean to body shame because Lord knows some girls feel a type a way the minute you shame girls with lil titties. But really, what’s a lil dick? As a girl, we still have a pussy. We still have a mouth. We still have all the things that men salivate over at the end of the day in the bedroom. But what about me? What about my needs? Are some men only used to create the term “friend zone”? Are some men only here to put the “men” in disappointment? Or am I missing something here? Could I just be shallow? Maybe I just need to take my mind out the gutter and focus on the real reason my love life fails: Black Women Can’t See. We’re focused on the “ifs” and the “buts” of things, But at the end of the day, if we find a man, we have to find a problem. I could just be scared of commitment. So many of my female friends want a relationship, they want to be loved, they want to be held, they want someone to rub that booty at night. Put a pin in that thought --Why do I feel myself gravitating to and wanting things that I see on my screen? That I see on my phone, and on TV? I’m not dumb enough to crave exactly what I see on Love & hip hop, but it’s true that I might want a love like Tammy and Waka’s. The vacations, the music being made, the thick ass, a loc’d up hood nigga. I mean, what more could I want? It’s a hood romance. And as black women sometimes we love hood romance. And sometimes we love that nice romance, that “black man made it out the hood” romance, that “let’s go to dinner and chipotle and order extra guap on the side so them white heads know we winning” type of love; I mean - no, we’re a little more upscale than that but you know what I mean. Let’s go to a nice dinner, baby. Let me buy you flowers baby. Some women want this, some women want that, but what about the woman in between? That’s me. Anyway -- lots of women want relationships, more specifically black women want relationships and some black men act like they can’t give it to them. Is it so hard to want to please a woman? Or maybe he keep running into women like me, a woman who keeps making up problems. I don’t know. It’s a slippery slope, I don’t know who’s to blame but what I do know is love is a two way street and it takes time to find that one person to meet you halfway. I say this because I’ve loved and I’ve lost. A toxic man, I had to let go. And maybe I shouldn’t have let go after all the unhealthy phone calls, voice messages declaring his love to me going back to say sorry to his girlfriend for getting her pregnant and then hitting her, I’m sorry - ex-girlfriend for driving her away and I don’t know it was all slippery slope, you know? And maybe that’s what love is. But it can’t be. The love in the game is fucked for a girl like me, especially in the A.
Published on Mar 8, 2018