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Volume 1 , issue 4


Classless chaps S




S u p e r










b o w l t o b r i n g m u c h r e v e n u e t o c i t y

Wauwatosa, WI- Attention Tosa Jayers, with the Super Bowl quickly approaching the city of Dallas has and will continue to experience an incredible increase in population. This really means that there will be a disastrous stripper shortage. Estimates tell us that more than 500 new “dancers” are needed to fill the void. Any jayer that thinks they are up to the task need only apply to the club in Dallas of their choice. Now technically you must be 18 to get a job in a strip club but thanks to the 5-4 deci-

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sion of the Tosa common council, the city will be providing fakes in an effort to generate higher city revenue. The new policy goes into effect on Tuesday. The Wauwatosa School District has even showed their support by creating many of the I.D. pick-up locations in both East and West High School. In a review of the data the West skanks outnumber the East hoes by a margin of nearly 3 to 1. This isn’t an issue because the East jayers wont look nearly as coked up and trashy as the West strippers and because of out higher

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standards we’ll probably generate more revenue on the East side. In the exotic dancing business it’s quality not quantity. Are data also ranks the freshman and junior classes as the thirstiest so we’ll be relying on a big turnout from them. The cost of an I.D. is 35 dollars. This is a small price to pay to start a potential career. Let’s get down there and show Dallas what Wauwatosa is all about. Drop it like its hot and GO PACK!

b u m m e d a f t e r f i n d i n g o u t b o w l i s a g a m e n o t f r e e w e e d

Dalas TX—The hundreds of stoners part of “Super bowl” Sunday were

this is a big misunderstanding and

that flocked to Dallas this week for told that the super bowl is a sport-

that plans to host the American

smoking of a super bowl were

ing event and not an exceptional

cookware association’s super BOWL

greeted with a rude awaken-

pipe full of marijuana to be

convention is still slated to occur

ing. Mass amounts of “bummer

smoked. The misunderstanding

February 9. It is still unclear to this

dude” and “Mannnnn” echoed

comes days after 15,000 homeless

day if anyone in America is planning

through cowboy stadium today as

men showed up in Dallas looking for on watching a football game this

750 stoners hoping to get high as a a soup-er bowl. Authorities say that


P a g e

Other headlines


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With the Most Valuable Defensive Player Award going to the “Nappy Hawaiian” Troy Polamalu, the Green and Gold’s defense was left speechless. The front runner Clay Matthews basically got shafted. On top of Sir Clayton’s superior skill and ability, his “Bro Flow” locks are by far the suavest in the league. My guy Clay needs his props

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but the national media is hatein’ on him. It is at times like these when the hated need some words of inspiration. This inspiration comes from none other than actor/singer/ producer/dancer/exploited child star WILLO SMITH. Her song “Whip my Hair” seems to have been written for this exact situation. The poetic verse that goes “hop up out the bed

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o f


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a d v i c e

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and turn my swagger on, don’t let them haters get me down” is exactly the advice that Matthews needs. He just needs to whip his hair when the media is tryin’ to put him down. The media can’t tell you nothin’ your just tryin’ to have fun, so keep the party jumpin’ for us in Dallas Clay. Just WHIP it Clayton.

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All of Packer Nation is aware

adult film business under the

ing moustache rides for

of the tragic injury that

name of Teddy the Tickler.

$5.99. I mean let's face it, all

ocured to the great Jay Cutler

Since the bears are no longer

Hanie will ever be remem-

but many people aren't

in the playoffs perhaps Hanie

bered for is throwing the

aware that the 3rd string

could go back to Dallas and

game winning interception to

quarterback with the Ron

help them out with their

B.J. Raji, and on behalf of the

Jeremy moustache originates

shortage of strippers. Hanie's

entire population of Packer

from the great city of Dal-

professional football career is

Nation, I can honestly say

las,Texas. Many are also un-

not panning out the way he

that everyone loves a BJ.

aware that before Caleb Ha-

would have liked. Maybe its

Thank you B.J. for restoring

nie's almost heroic comeback

time for big Teddy to go back

the faith in everyone who

he spent many years in the

to what he knows best, giv-

doubted the power of a BJ.

S u p e r With the Super Bowl quickly approaching, it is time to prepare for everyone’s favorite part of a football match, streakers. Since the Super Bowl is the

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obese. Why is this? It’s not pleasant for ANYONE, therefore, please keep your flab and mold all to yourself. Also the guards seem to have a

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will tell you that you should wear a bag over you head to protect your identity. Hogwash, you simply will not escape so in the end it doesn’t matter. Sec-

primo football event of the year, policy of shooting such peo-

ondly be as dry skinned as

it is also the prime time for streaking, as shown by Janet Jackson. First it should be mentioned that it is best not to streak if you are obese or near

possible, so when you are tazed there is no amplification of the electric shock. Finally, run like hell and make sure you have a good lawyer.

ple, as no one likes grappling with a whale, so let’s not ruin the Superbowl with bloodshed. So finally let’s get to the tips: First, many people

Super Bowl edition of Classless Chaps  
Super Bowl edition of Classless Chaps  

This is the version that was set to be released on the Friday before the Super Bowl, but it got intercepted by an administration official be...