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interview with tony • april fools’ issue • ted chiang lecture • and more

volume xciii, no. 19 • april 3, 2014 | |

Obama to come to Worcester President to give commencement address at Worcester Technical High School By Jenna Lewis managing editor

Worcester Technical High School recently announced that President Obama will be delivering the school’s commencement address on June 11, 2014. The commencement ceremony will be held at the DCU Center. “We are honored that President Obama has chosen to address the graduates of Worcester Technical High School. As a preeminent leader and advocate for Career and Technical Education (CTE), the President’s work and commitment to promoting equality of opportunity for all, will inspire the class of 2014,” said Principal Shelia M. Harrity in the announcement Thursday. Obama’s decision to deliver the commencement address at a vocational high school has signaled the

“promise and potential” that technical schools can hold, according to Greater Worcester Chamber of Commerce President Tim Murray. “Worcester Tech has made outstanding headway in boosting its graduation rate, implementing cutting edge vocational programs, and ensuring that all of its students have the opportunity to succeed,” said White House spokesman Keith Maley. The commencement at Worcester Technical High School will be Obama’s only high school commencement address this year. The announcement follows the national recognition of Principal Harrity last September, when she earned the prestigious honor of Principal of the Year. Harrity has brought massive continued on page 3


A harmonious excursion Counterpoints take Clark on a sound safari By Senegal Carty scarlet staff

Last Friday night, Clark a cappella chanteuses, the Counterpoints, presented their safari-themed show, “Into the Wild” in Jefferson 320. With support from Worcester Polytechnic Institute’s all-male a capella group Sound Logic, the Clark Bars, and an eye-catching collection of animal costumes, they rendered a cozy concert that kept the audience crowing with appreciation. Counterpoints started the show off a little slow with Imogen Heap’s “Earth.” Their voices held tight together over a smooth melody in a performance that was solid, if not wholly compelling. The next song, performed by Sound Logic, was “White Winter Hymnal” by Fleet Foxes. The richness of the sound rather overshadowed the opening performance, as did their following rendition of “Little Lion Man,” which boasted an arrangement of impressive complexity, which successfully captured the song’s distinctive instrumental lines. The Clark Bars did well as they

photo by the clark bars

BACK ROW (left to right): Dominique Pratt, Marie Normantas, Ellie Gilmore, Julie Lewitt, Sean Tatar, Emma Griffiths, Kasey Poulin. FRONT ROW (left to right): Margaret French, Leah Simonson, Faith Hollander, Tess Reichart, Katherine Bogen.

moved from the coolness of Amy Weinhouse’s “Valerie” and Chic Gamine’s “Motions” to “Shake It Out” by Florence + the Machine, injecting each song with their special brand

of polished vitality. It can’t be said that their performance was flawless, continued on page 13

2 | news

The Scarlet

The Scarlet

april 3, 2014



[ Thursday, April 3] |

EDITORS Editor-in-Chief: Sarah Cramer News Editor: Claire Tierney Layout Editor: Rose Gallogly Web Editor: Pooja Patel Opinions Editor: Keitaro Okura Living Arts Editor: Matt Emmer Sports Editor: Ethan Giles Photo Editor & Social Media Manager: Anna Spack Managing Editor: Jenna Lewis

SCARLET STAFF Hannah Rosenblum Jonah Naghi Maria Rotelli Ronald Gerber Scott Levine Senegal Carty Savanna Cohen Celine Manneville Tyler Terriault

LAYOUT STAFF Cami Ferreol Hannah Jaffe

PHOTO STAFF Jonathan Edelman

OPEN’s Pronoun Day Tie-Dyeing 11:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m., Red Square

[ Friday, April 4 ]

Promoting Gender Equality and Women’s Empowerment: Is Foreign Aid Effective? 1:00 - 2:30 p.m., Lurie Conference Room “Why Some Europeans Think that State Funding of Politics is A Good Idea (and Why Some Don’t)” 12:00 - 1:15 p.m., Jefferson 222 Men’s Tennis - 4:00 p.m., Brandeis University Softball - 5:00 p.m., WPI

[ Saturday, April 5 ]

Peace Studies Workshop presented by Suren Moodliar 12:30 p.m. - 4:00 p.m., Jefferson 222

[ Sunday, April 6 ]

Baseball - 12:00pm & 3:00pm, WPI Softball - 12:00pm & 2:00pm, Wheaton College Moments of Silence in Remembrance of the Rwandan Genocide 12:30 - 2:30pm, Red Square

The Scarlet

april 3, 2014

news | 3

The Scarlet/News Ted Chiang offers lecture on lifelogging Explores the future of digital memory By Sarah Cramer editor-in-chief

Renowned speculative fiction writer Ted Chiang contemplated the digitization of memory in his lecture “Technology, Memory, and the Narrative of the Self” for an eager audience of roughly one hundred Clark students and faculty members in the Higgins Lounge on Thursday, March 27. Chiang’s lecture marked the beginning of the “Future of Everything” Lecture Series, sponsored by the Higgins Schools of Humanities and the Science Fiction Research Collaborative, a group of faculty and students that explore science fiction in literature and cinema, as well as the genre’s analytical function in society. If not for his other award-winning short stories, students may recognize Chiang as the author of Liking What You See: A Documentary, which the class of 2016 read for their firstyear writing placement. Chiang’s lecture centered on “lifelogging,” which entails digitally recording every moment of your daily life. Senior Microsoft researcher Gordon Bell has been lifelogging for the past few years. This means that a small camera hangs around his neck at all times, constantly recording his surroundings. All his phone calls and computer searches are also archived, and he uses any other digital means available to record as many aspects of his life as possible. As Chiang said, it is the “ultimate documentation of your personal history.” Putting the privacy issues aside,

Chiang proposed a thought experiment of a future in which lifelogging has become the norm. In this future, everyone has video recordings of their entire life stored on their computer. The videos can be watched at any time and are also automatically transcribed, which creates a searchable database of memories. If you wanted to know what you ate for dinner on your birthday last year, or the name of a book your friend recommended last week, you could simply search in your database and find out. The implications of such a future are varied. With lifelogs as a new form of memory, would our own ability to remember events be impaired? Chiang cited one study by psychologists in which half of the subjects filling out a questionnaire were told that their answers would be saved, and the other half were told that their answers would not be saved. When asked to recall their answers later, the subjects whose answers were saved remembered significantly less than the other half. Does this mean that we would stop retaining our memories, as we would know that we could retrieve them from a database at any moment? Chiang pointed out that this already manifests itself in daily lives through our reliance on GPS for navigating and our inability to recall phone numbers without consulting our mobile devices. Another important point that Chiang raised was that memories stored in our minds might bear little resemblance to those stored in a lifelog. The intensity of emotions sur-

rounding an event affects how our minds record that memory, and neuroscientists have found that the act of recalling a memory changes it. In addition, we unconsciously edit our memories to avoid feeling uncomfortable with ourselves, or to prevent reliving traumatic events. Thus, the memories we store in our minds are unreliable and tainted; they are significantly changed by our emotions. But with lifelogs, the stored memories are more objective and unbiased, as a third party (a camera) records them. While this could aid in criminal investigations and other truth-seeking endeavors, it would prevent our memories from naturally evolving, as they do in our minds. What would it mean to be unable to lie to ourselves about something we did in the past, or to have the ability to relive a traumatic experience in vivid detail years later? Chiang even proposes that an app that alerts us every time we lie could exist. This led him to pose another question: “How much value is there in knowing the truth about yourself?” This question resonated with philosophy professor Scott Hendricks, co-founder of the Science Fiction Research Collaborative with Professors Betsy Huang, Stéphanie Larrieux, and Esther Jones. “This question, ‘Who am I?’ is an interesting one, to my mind at least,” Hendricks commented. “Chiang’s discussion of lifelogging left me considering the ways that practice might help answer that question -- answer it in ways not currently available.” It seems that such means of self-

examination will soon be available. Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress are already primitive forms of lifelogging, and as data storage continues to become cheaper, people will continue to find ways to use it. “Whether we

like it or not,” Chiang remarked, “we are headed towards a future in which machines do the remembering for us.” The days of traditional remembering will then be distant memories in our lifelogs.

Obama in Worcester cont. continued from page 1

change to the school since her arrival in 2006. Under her administration, the percentage of students scoring Proficient or higher on MCAS English tests rose from 27 to 88. The graduation rate has also dramatically improved, with 96.4 percent of students graduating in four years or less. This remains the highest graduation rate in the district. As a vocational school, Worcester Technical High School faces prejudices within the education community. Stereotypically, vocational schools have performed at a much lower level than traditional academic high schools, as students are generally perceived as less motivated. Harrity entered the school with a determination to change this standard. She implemented “small learning communities,” a program that focuses on individualized learning and team building, and has brought in over 350 industry advisors to improve the school’s vocational standards. Harrity also implemented the Early Career and Col-

lege STEM Innovation Plan, which aims to better prepare students for college. Harrity’s programs have dramatically increased motivation among the student body, according to fellow administrators at the school. The President’s decision to deliver a speech at Worcester Tech signals a growing appreciation of vocational schools, which are often overlooked in the educational field. Obama has continuously fought to bring attention to vocational schools throughout his term in office, and in 2012 he introduced a $69.8 billion education budget highly focused on increasing vocational training in schools. The commencement address will bring further attention to technical education nationwide. The last sitting president to visit Worcester was President Clinton in 1999, who spoke at a memorial service for six Worcester firefighters. The last president to deliver a commencement address in Worcester was President Lyndon B. Johnson, who delivered the commencement address at Holy Cross in 1964.

The Scarlet

4 | news

Myths with

Manneville By Celine Manneville scarlet staff

Welcome to the sixth edition of Myths with Manneville, the weekly column in which we finally discover the truth behind the countless legends surrounding Clark University. The Claim: Here it is, the myth everyone has been waiting for! Why doesn’t Clark have fraternities and sororities? It has recently come to my attention that there exists a fraternity paddle that was used for hazing stored in the Archives. It has been said that Clark had fraternities from its creation until the early 1970s. Is this true? Did Clark have fraternities? If so, what happened to them? Why doesn’t Clark have fraternities anymore? Does the motto “characterizing people is not something we do here” play into this issue at all? Reality: Clark did in fact have fraternities. There used to be a bunch, from Alpha Sigma Alpha to Delta Mu, Kappa Phi to Phi Lambda Psi. In his book Clark University, A Narrative History, William Koelsch commented on Greek life at Clark saying, “several local fraternities sprang up beginning in 1904 to meet a need for student housing as well as for the sociability of the like-minded.” Well, what happened to them? Fordyce Williams, Coordinator of Archives and Special Collections, theorizes that the fraternities on campus just sort of weakened and died out in the 1970s. Upon investigating, I came across the minutes from the November 2, 1984 meeting of the Student Affairs Trustee Committee. By that time “fraternities and sororities [had] not been recognized at Clark for some fifteen or twenty years.” It goes on saying “[fraternities and sororities] were a part of the University that faded away in the ‘60’s and early ‘70’s,” proving Williams’s theory to correct. The minutes continue on to mention that “fifteen or twenty years ago Clark was a commuter college and fraternities and

sororities were the basis to establish social and non-academic affairs.” When dorms were built, Greek life “lost its identity as social centers of activity.” The attitude surrounding Greek life at Clark was negative even before it faded away. In the February 11, 1965 edition of The Scarlet, there is an editorial section entitled “Think Carefully: Your Choice Defines You” which features several articles on the topic of fraternities. In an editorial introducing this section it is easy to see the general view regarding Greek life, it says many colleges have abandoned the “outmoded” Greek system because of its “failure to foster the development of intellectual and social maturity,” substituting the Greek system with “other means of social outlet.” The article praises this change, saying it has “contributed toward a more healthy and vigorous student community while at the same time preserving the valuable aspect of fraternities.” A few articles in this section present strong opinions against fraternities saying they “detract from educational goals by providing distractions,” pointing to lowered grades dropping upon joining. The issue continues to say fraternities can be “detrimental to values, and to the student involved.” The articles reference Clark’s size saying, “Clark is too small and not geared for fraternities,” and that fraternities have “nothing of value to offer the Clark community.” Fraternities had “useless activities,” they were “snobbish,” and caused unnecessary segregation and rivalry between fraternities and between fraternity and non-fraternity students.” So why doesn’t Clark have fraternities and sororities anymore? A big push on the ban of Greek life at Clark came during Richard Traina’s years as Clark President (1984-2000). In a statement released on November 9, 1984 by the Office of the Dean of Students, which was also printed in The Scarlet, Candace Anderson and Tom Anderson, Acting Deans of Students at the time, outline several points

regarding the University’s position on Greek life. The two main points outlined were the exclusive nature of fraternities and sororities, and their need for “close administrative supervision and support.” These two themes appeared in many of the documents surrounding Greek life at Clark. President Traina was a main player in the ban on Greek life. In a letter dated July 26,1985 addressed to Bruce Friedman, John Young, and the Kappa Phi Alumni Association, President Traina explains the reasoning behind Clark’s ban on Greek life, that the administration’s conclusions regarding the ban are “grounded in firmly held institutional values pertaining to the establishment of student organizations.” Traina goes on to explain that fraternities “are typically gender exclusive and restricted to membership by invitation.” They are also exclusive by race, religion, national origin, and/ or background. This goes against Clark’s “character of openness and inclusiveness” which was gaining momentum at the time. In a memorandum dated July 17, 1985, Tom Anderson gives more reasons for the ban. He explains that it is “most likely legally impossible to recognize only one fraternity.” If Clark were to allow the development of one fraternity, it would have to allow the reestablishment of the entire Greek system, which was

april 3, 2014

CUSC in brief By Hannah Rosenblum scarlet staff

CUSC’s meeting this week was quite brief, though it was not without its moments of tension. $700 was allocated to Clark Investments and Trading Society for a course preparing students for the finance industry. $250 was allocated to the Equestrian Club to accommodate the travel costs of its six new members. $150 was allocated to a group from the Complexities of Urban Schooling class for an Egg-Drop Eggstravaganza to be held at Clark. A ping pong club submitted a charter; council debated the charter extensively and eventually approved it.

not wanted at the time. Anderson also explains that Clark was not “structured administratively to support a Greek system.” Greek life requires “significant administrative support services,” and “extraordinary supervision required to maintain them as positive, healthy contributors to student life.” Clark did not have the staffing, nor was it “deemed desirable to increase staffing to respond to the needs of fraternities or sororities.” Besides that, the administration determined that the exclusionary practices were “counter to the ideal of a lib-

eral education,” and Greek life tended to “narrow rather than broaden the liberal experience of students” because of the constraints, such as “friendships, living environments, personal attitudes, and academic pursuits,” within the Greek system. Exclusionary tactics, the impossibility of allowing only one fraternity, and extra staffing that came with the Greek system, adequately explain why there are no fraternities or sororities at Clark University.

The Scarlet

april 3, 2014

news | 5

CLARKIE of the WEEK don’t you just go?” And I said, “Well Dad, I don’t have the money.” And he said, “Well, you work one more week, save your money, and you go.” So I did that.

photo by jonathan edelman

Anthony “Tony” Dominguez Anyone who has set foot in the Caf knows Tony. Energetic, full of joy, and (always) busy making pizza after pizza, Tony is a staple of Clark dining, and beloved by many. This week I had the honor of interviewing him and learning about his life both inside and outside of Clark. Talking to him was only further confirmation of his true happiness and kind heart. Tony: First of all I want to thank you for approving me of being Clarkie of the Week. Oh this is gonna be a great interview. I’m telling you, they’re probably going to want me as a radio host or something! Scarlet: Definitely. So are you from Worcester originally? Tony: No, I’m originally from The Bronx, New York. My father was a Dominican immigrant and he met my mom, she was from Harlem. They had seven [kids]. I was the least likely to succeed­—I was two pounds when I was born. [Now] I’m 55 years old and weigh 130. I’ve been in the restaurant business all my life, since 14 years old. I haven’t gained a pound. But I gained a blessing—ah!—I gained a blessing. That’s what I did. I gained a blessing from upstairs. Scarlet: When did you come to Worcester? Tony: I came to Worcester in 1995. After spending 36 years in New York City, in The Bronx. Crazy. I couldn’t do it no more. I said, “Mom, I’m talking to Dad. I want to get out of here.” At that time, the head of the household was Dad. So I went to Dad. Dad said, “You’ve got a brother and a sister in Springfield, Massachusetts. Why

Scarlet: Were your parents in the restaurant business too? Tony: No. My father was in the Navy. I think he served 20-something years. And my mother, she washed people’s floors and bathrooms to help us out… She did whatever she [could] for us. I mean, we lived in a four-bedroom apartment in The Bronx and there were nine of us. How we coped, I don’t know. I try to tell the young students here, and my peers outside, that it’s all about survival. Sometimes you have to shut your friends off to be you. You have to be you. You have to start from scratch. From you. In other words, if I can’t love myself, I can’t love nobody else. That means my mom, my pop, my sister, my brother—I can’t love nobody but me. And it starts with me and it ends with me. And the best thing my mother ever told me was, “You can go anywhere in life over the whole country, but guess what? There you are. You take you with you. You don’t take me, you don’t take Dad, you don’t take Sister, you don’t take Brother, you don’t take friends. There you are.”

just get up, they get dressed, they take a shower, but they don’t say thank you. I do. Every morning for 50-something years I’ve said thank you. Because I have my breath. I have all of the activities that my limbs can perform.

Scarlet: That’s a lot of siblings. Tony: Oh, if I showed you pictures, you wouldn’t believe it.

If I can make somebody smile on their days of misery, that’s a special, special gift that I have. And I know I have that because it has happened [during] the five years here. There have been students, [during] midterms and finals, they’re like, “Ughhhh.” And they come and get my pizza, and before they touch my pizza I say, “How are you doing?” Conscious contact. And they put their head down and they say, “Tony, it’s tough.” And I say, “Well, life is tough. Put your foot down, that’s it. Gear up. You’ll be fine.” And then you know what happens, before commencement, they’ll come tell me, they’ll say, “Thank you. Because just your little words of suggestion helped me that day.” And I don’t know how it helps them, I really don’t know, I just be me. If people could be inside my body, they probably wouldn’t have a clue what comes out of their mouth, but you’re helping somebody. I’m all about helping. I believe I was born two pounds to help somebody. My mother called me a miracle baby. And I gave my mother, out of seven of ‘em, the hardest pregnancy of all. But I maintain because I love doing what I do. These students help me grow, man. And people don’t know. I got two kids. I got a daughter that’s 31, I got a son that’s 30, and I got seven grandkids. And it’s hard to see them because they’re in New York and they’re in North Carolina.

Scarlet: How long have you been working at Clark? Tony: I’ve been here for five and a half years now. And I enjoy what I do. Because, and this is the main thing, I tell my bosses, “I don’t work for you.” I told my GM [General Manager], “I don’t work for you; I work for the Clark students.” That’s who I work for. And that’s what brings my happiness and my joy of staying somewhere that you enjoy being. No matter what happens in life, as long as you can get up and say thank you. Just say thank you, just for waking up. A lot of people don’t. They

The reason why I really came here was because my sister was battling with diabetes and cancer. She was diagnosed in the ‘90s and to this day it’s been a very bad struggle for me. I mean sometimes I have to put the students aside, my bosses aside, my GMs aside, and I have to really dig deep and say, “You know what Anthony, don’t give up.” See, [it’s] not about my sister, but about me. Because if there’s no me there’s nobody. There’s no son, there’s no daughter, there’s nobody in my family. So I just hope I can help somebody in this interview that’s suffering. [Someone]

Scarlet: Where do you fall in the order of your siblings? Tony: I’m the third youngest. Out of seven.

by Anna Spack that has questions, that has doubts. Like they’re in the middle, they’re indecisive, they don’t know what to do. My suggestion to them is, take a quiet time out by yourself, like my mother told me. And you’ll hear something. If you don’t, keep on. Keep doing what you’re doing. [Stay] positive. My main objective is just be positive. Integrity is a lot to me. A lot of people don’t talk about that word. But it talks about your charisma, your character. That’s what it talks about—your character. You have integrity? Then it don’t matter what could move you, who could move you, HOW it could move you, when it could move you, where it could move you. If I have any doubts, when I feel down and out and fearful and I want to curse God and everything like that, I have to look at my feet and say, “Well, here’s where I am. This is where I’m supposed to be, and this is what I’m supposed to be doing.” I can’t question it. Because wherever I go, there goes I. I take myself. I’m not avoiding a situation of tragedy or nothin’ like that, no. I’m a good-spirited person. I want to go places like China, Japan, Russia. I just want to express my feelings to young people that you can make a difference today. At the end of your graduation, you did it. They did it. The only reason why I say that and I get choked up is because half of the people in New York City, they just stay where they’re at. They don’t want to branch out because they’re so adapted; they’re so used to being who they are, or what people want them to believe that they are. But you have to step outside of yourself, outside of that boundary and just move on, man. Just exist. Not in poverty. Exist, period. Just move on. Go, go. One step at a time. One step and one day at a time. It’s just that I love this interview because it’s really sincere. Very, very sincere. I blew the whistle. I told all my bosses because I was so excited [about this]. I said, “You know, they didn’t choose you guys.” And I feel so elite, because I’m special. My mother told me, “You will always be special.”

Read the rest of this incredible interview at!

The Scarlet

6 | news

Alaskan priest arrested for DUI and possession of guns and marijuana Blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit

By Sénégal N. Carty scarlet staff

(MetroNews) - Father Sean Thomson, chaplain of the University of Alaska Fairbanks, was stopped by police March 23 for speeding. The officers shortly discovered that his blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit - the Catholic priest was so inebriated that he presented a credit card slip when asked for his license and registration. A search of his vehicle and person also revealed two guns and a small package of marijuana. Thomson is scheduled to appear in court on Friday.

Man survives chainsaw blade to the neck

Man tries to sell his skin on eBay

Saw was embedded in muscle but missed major arteries

Almost completely covered in jaguarpatterned tattoo

(AP) - A tree trimmer in Pittsburgh underwent emergency surgery Monday after coworkers brought him to the hospital with a chainsaw embedded in his neck. Fortunately, the saw blade did not sever any major arteries and the victim is currently recovering.

(Express) - Artur Mrozowski of Lancashire is selling his skin, which he has spent over three hundred hours getting tattooed in a jaguar-print pattern, for £75,000 on eBay. The buyer who purchases the skin will receive it after Mrozowski’s death, and is encouraged in the eBay listing to use it to make “wallets belts lamps – or anything it’s about your imagination.”

Man reports fake burglary to get out of work Currently out of jail on $500 bail (UPI) - Dwayne Yeager of Florida was jailed Monday after calling police to report a home burglary that wasn’t actually happening. Yeager confessed to providing the false information in an attempt to get out of going to work. He was later released on $500 bail.

Woman garnishes dog feces to encourage neighbours to pick it up Uses Nutella, strawberries, and whipped cream (UPI) - Theresa Ritchie of Peterhead, Scotland has been using dessert garnishes to decorate dog faeces left on the streets of her neighbourhood. She sees this as “highlighting the problem in an amusing way.” Ritchie is trying to bring attention to both public and municipal failure to keep Peterhead clean.

april 3, 2014

interview with sigmund • goddard library revelations • frat discovered • and more

volume xciii, no. 18 3/4 • april 1, 2014 | |

New LEAP Center opening on campus Clark soars to new educational heights


New Athletic Director Charity Bush cancels all Clark sports No one complains

By Matt Emmer living arts editor

Tuesday, April 1 saw a bold new step towards the pedagogical future of Clark University. “It’s really a new era for Clark, as both an educational institution and as a member of the Worcester community,” said President David Angel on the Tuesday morning ribboncutting ceremony for the new LEAP Student and Alumni Center. The LEAP program, short for Liberal Education in Aerial Performance, draws from different departments and disciplines to provide a unique experience for undergraduate students. By combining a traditional classroom environment with the dynamic situational leadership opportunities that jumping offers, the new initiative seeks to formalize the unconventional elements that at-

By Ethan Giles sports editor

tract students to Clark. “You can only learn so much at a desk,” says LEAP Pioneer Scooter Kutermurch (‘16). “But when I’m 10 inches in the air and yelling

‘Wheeee’ at the top of my lungs, I can really see the full practical pocontinued on page 8

There was a collective shoulder shrugging throughout campus today when Clark students were notified that Bush has cancelled all University athletics. Bush initially cancelled all sports as a publicity stunt to try and get students talking about the athletic department, but was surprised when no one really seemed to care. “I thought there would be a big reaction,” said Bush, “but I actually haven’t gotten a single complaint.” When asked for comments, Clarkies showed little interest. “Eh, I guess I will miss not attending events,” chimed in Garret Steinberg. One student who seemed re-

ally upset was Scarlet sports writer Scott Levine, who curled up in a ball and cried for roughly two hours after hearing the news. “I just loved athletics so much,” he wailed, “why must the world be such a cold, dark place?” The athletic department may return in the future, but only if ten people sign a petition. So far, only Levine’s name appears on the petition.

The Scarlet

8 | april fools’

LEAP cont. continued from page 7

tential of my education.” Many students are skeptical of the benefits of LEAP. Most complaints stem from the vague way the program was presented to students. “At first, I didn’t know what it was about jumping that made it so special,” said student Wingina Fumblequnt (‘14). “Then someone explained it to me. I still don’t really get it.” Other grievances focused on how students have been advocating for the educational and social benefits of aerial education for some time. However, the administration is confident that members of the Clark community will soon come together around the new LEAP building as a resource for all of their jumping needs. The new building is also an opportunity for the University to experiment with alternative energy energy sources. The new LEAP Center, as well as all LEAP programming, is powered entirely by hot air.

april 1, 2014

Library was actually a mistake Friends of Goddard schedule town hall meeting By Jeremy Levine foreign correspondent

While doing research for an unrelated article, The Scarlet discovered a letter of apology sent by architect John M. Johansen to thenPresident Frederick H. Jackson. The letter calls the design for the library “all a big joke” and “completely silly,” and that he had designs for a “more utilitarian and not butt-ugly” building in the works. This letter is dated March 1, 1968, a year before the construction began. The reason has not yet been discovered for the joke design coming to fruition, but it is suspected that it has to do with President Jackson’s desire to complete the project before unveiling the new LEEP program. Susie Jordan, a sophomore who spent 17 days lost in the library without food or water last year while searching for a Cantonese edition of Moby Dick, finds the situation far from funny. “17 days,” Susie recalled, shuddering. “I cut my arm off, like James

Franco in 127 Hours. This isn’t my idea of a joke.” For her ordeal, Susie was compensated with a coupon for a large one-topping pizza from Uncle Sam’s. Susie told The Scarlet that she prefers Brick Oven. Professor R.J. Bennington of the Neuroscience department

called the incident a “happy accident.” He reported that his department “[does] experiments on mice in the library after hours. We hide cheese in the Art History books and set the mice loose. The building’s maze-like structure makes an optimal challenge for the rodents.” When pressed about Susie’s misfor-

tune, he merely responded, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in the name of science.” Administration declined comment, but have begun advertising a “Library Architecture Colloquium,” scheduled for 2:30 a.m. in Grace Conference Room.

Secret fraternity busted Kappa Kappa Kappa brothers face disciplinary measures By Jeremy Levine foreign correspondent

University Police surrounded a home on Gates Street last Friday night after receiving an anonymous tip-off that the home’s basement would be the site of a party held by Kappa Kappa Kappa, an unsanctioned fraternity. Eyewit-

nesses reported at least 40 people streaming out of the party. At this time, very little is known about the fraternity. None of its members have spoken with The Scarlet for fear of incrimination. One Clark administrator stated that administration “knew about the fraternity for several months,” but had been unable to

catch them doing anything explicitly against Clark policy. Even though several house parties had been broken up in the past, they could not be connected to the fraternity. University Police would not comment on any hazing rituals or any other illegal activity that may have occurred at the party. They refused to release any of the suspects’ names, but have made it clear that they “will face not only disciplinary action from Clark, [but] legal action [as well].” The Scarlet will release updates as this story develops. courtesy of

april 1, 2014

The Scarlet

april fools’ | 9


Sigmund Freud The oldest surviving Clarkie, Sigmund Freud is a trademark of the Clark campus. A Psychology major and native Austrian, Sigmund has been the center of many photos and countless shenanigans over the 15 years he’s been here, although he did confess that he often feels like merely a “figurehead” for the University. Aside from his work as a founding father of modern psychology, in his free time Sigmund enjoys psychoanalyzing everyone who walks through Red Square. Scarlet: What is it like to be the center of Clark’s campus? Sigmund: I must say I did rather enjoy it for several years. However, having been here for 15 years now, it has become somewhat of a nuisance to my physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This is perhaps due to the fact that— Scarlet: Would you mind talking in regular, modern-day English for the sake of this interview? Sigmund: My b. Force of habit. Scarlet: Cool, thanks. So do you enjoy having students pose with you

for pictures all the time? Sigmund: I’m pretty used to it at this point. It can be fun, I guess. I mean, every Saturday night there are at least five groups of students posing for pictures with me. What can I say, it makes me feel popular. Although it can get annoying, especially on Admitted Students’ Days when all these young kids and their parents act like they’ve never seen a guy sitting on a bench before. Like yeah, I’m here, get over it. Scarlet: What about having people dress you up all the time? How do you feel about that? Sigmund: I’m usually fine with it if it’s just a t-shirt or something. But sometimes people get really creative and, well, weird. One time I had a group of kids put a chicken hat on me. I know, right? I’ve worn other hats too, and I’ve had a number of stuffed animals on my head. Over the years I’ve worn Hawaiian leis, glow stick necklaces, flags as capes, cardboard signs, knitted sweaters, yarmulkes, sports jerseys…. I mean what the hell, gotta mix up your fashion every now and then. Especially having worn this suit for so long. One time last year when it snowed a ton, I was covered up to my waist in that

stuff. People built mini snowmen all around me, which was kinda nice because I got to share the spotlight for once. Oh, and another time, I think it was this past fall, a ton of people came running out of nowhere and started jumping all around me cheering about some red socks or something. That was strange. I think it can be linked to the Oedipus complex. Scarlet: How do you feel about being Clark’s “claim to fame?” Sigmund: It’s a bit much. I mean, I came here once to give one speech like over one hundred years ago and now you worship me. Get over it. Scarlet: What do you think of the 24-hour live webcam that looks out on Red Square? Sigmund: It’s mad creepy. Like come on, you already have me sitting here 24/7, and now you have a camera so you can watch me all the time? #whyyousoobsessedwithme Scarlet: Aren’t you tired of sitting in that position? Sigmund: No. I have my cane here to help me, see? It’s chill. Scarlet: It’s not frustrating having to look in one direction day

by Anna Spack

and night? Sigmund: One Direction? Oh my gosh. love them. Such a huge fan. I tear up every time I hear “Story of My Life.” It’s just like, yaaassss! So good! I can’t even. Scarlet: I was asking if it’s boring having to look in the same direction all the time. Sigmund: Oh. Sorry. No, it’s not boring. I enjoy it. At this point I have a pretty good mental map of this part of Main Street. I got a great view of that church demolition. It was about time they took that thing down! I’ve been saying it for years man, religion is just an illusion. Maybe reason will finally triumph. Although I am still doubtful. But yo, shout out to all my Jew homies! Lovin’ how many of us there are at Clark. #represent Scarlet: Since you got here in 1999, how many times do you think you have read that book you’re holding? Sigmund: About 867 times. Scarlet: What is your favorite spot on campus? Sigmund: Me. Thanks for the interview, Sigmund!

10 | april fools’

by Tyler Terriault

Walter White named the new Clark Chemistry chair; hope this time’s different

The Scarlet

april 1, 2014

Event attendees cheated out of seats Club president admits to chair fraud By Jeremy Levine foreign correspondent

Have you heard about the new LEAP Initiative? Yeah, me neither, yo. Did you see the mom on How I Met Your Mother was an alien? Trust me when I say that Spree Day will be the time of your… hrrgflgglhhh… blurghhflohgg

FROM OUR FACEBOOK PAGE Student found frozen on 5th floor of library University still refuses to turn up heat Clark adds scooter ramps to accommodate Lax Bros Team reacts with mediocre party Clark institutes hipster quota Green too full of smoke Scarlet readership up 2,000% Three more Clarkies seen reading paper Clark to become Temple Beth-Jonas David Angel to stay on as Temple President New graduation requirement Class of 2014 must spend $20 at Panera before attending commencement ceremony Student expelled Recycled something that should have been composted David Angel proven to be actual angel Caught turning water into orange guava passion fruit juice

The office of Student Leadership and Programming was bombarded with requests (via L*IN*K of course) that Clark Students for the Liberation of Zoo Animals (CSLZA) be fined or “punished in some way” for forcing 11 Clark students to stand throughout their 11-hour strategy briefing for their upcoming event, The Elephant Exodus. Allegedly, club president Robert Shinewald hid forty of Grace Conference Room’s chairs in the neighboring Lasry Conference room, supposedly to make people stand and make the event look better-attended than it actually was. With 16 attendants and only 5 chairs, on which non-presenting members of the Executive Board sat, the 11 trainees were forced to stand throughout the affair, not knowing that some chairs, in need of liberation, sat captive in just the next room. “It was very demeaning,” said Rebecca Jones, a first-year student. “I felt trapped, like the elephants must have. I thought it was a way of teaching solidarity, but now I realize it was simply a cheap marketing gag. I thought CSLZA was better than this.” In an exclusive interview with The Guardian, Shinewald reported that he regretted the marketing ploy, because “it didn’t even make more people show up. Clark students must not like standing.” Molly Sampson, CUSC’s Left Handed Students Representative, brought the matter to the attention of Council at last Wednesday’s meeting. Sampson recommended that the group’s pending Grants Committee request (for grappling hooks and prybars) be thrown in the garbage. Ingrid Blackman, however, People Who Go

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To CUSC Meetings Representative, stated that Sampson should be disqualified from discussing this topic, as she has a conflict of interest. Sampson, of course, is pursuing a self-designed Zoology concentration as part of her Art History degree. The Judiciary Committee reported that they would have to table this matter entirely, because they could not check on the constitutionality of such a conflict of interests at this time, as the constitution was currently in the Clark Archives getting repaired. (Obviously, this difficulty is a result of last week’s incident in which

Nicolas Cage was caught trying to resurrect his film career by stealing smaller-scale governing documents, before working his way back up to the federal government.) Before being dragged out of the room by CUSC’s newly acquired bailiff, Sampson shouted accusations that Cage had been hired by CSLZA to “liberate the document.” Student Leadership and Programming has not announced any official sanctions for the group as of this time, but has scheduled a session titled “Safe Ways To Improve Event Attendance,” to be held this Thursday at 4 p.m. in Grace Conference Room.

The Scarlet

april 3, 2014

opinions | 11

The Scarlet/Opinions The opinions enumerated in this section represent those of the author and the author alone. They do not reflect the opinions of the editorial board, The Scarlet, or Clark University.

The art of hypocrisy Let them have contraceptives By Ethan Giles sports editor

By Savannah Cohen scarlet staff

The Supreme Court is set to hear arguments for a case concerning recent stipulations made by the Affordable Care Act. The issue concerns employer-provided insurance plans including coverage for contraceptives such as birth control. Two companies in particular, Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood, have argued that this violates their First Amendment right to the free exercise of religion. Because their religion does not allow for contraceptives, they believe they should not have to follow such a stipulation. During this case, the Supreme Court is set to decide whether companies can be considered people with consciences. I believe you shouldn’t be able to claim your business follows a religion just because you don’t want to pay for contraceptives. You can’t withhold the option from someone else because you don’t believe in contraceptives. Maybe I don’t believe in people using medication like Viagra, but health insurance will pay for that (not to mention quite a few other pills related to

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male performance). Company health insurance isn’t a bowl of candy; you don’t get to pick and choose your favorites, especially if you’re deciding to purposefully exclude a very important medication. Once you decide to open a business with paid employees, you should not be able to claim ties to a religion. One of the central arguments of Hobby Lobby is that corporations are covered by corporate personhood, and are therefore seen as an individual in the eyes of the law. This is so anything that happens on their property makes the company liable, not the person running it. However, corporations can’t vote. They can’t do a lot a things

that a citizen of the United States can do because they are not an actual person. A company is made up of an aggregate amount of people with a multitude of differing opinions. Let’s look at one of these companies in this case. Hobby Lobby Incorporated brings in $3 billion in revenue, with 22,000 employees and 550 stores. I feel safe in saying that all 22,000 employees are not of the same religion. Putting all of these people under the umbrella of a single religion, and forcing them to follow these statutes is ridiculous. The very same First continued on page 12

There is something in all of our lives that goes underappreciated. No matter how many times we say that we love it, we still do not acknowledge the true appreciation it deserves. So I am going to use this space to thank one of the biggest delights in my life: Nutella. It is the perfect dorm room snack; there is nothing better than some late night Nutella. Yes, Easy-Mac is great, I will not deny this. Of course Uncle Sam’s Pizza is a favorite, as is the New China Lantern. Apples are great too, I know. But nothing, nothing, can compare with the perfection of Nutella. You can put it on anything you wish, or just eat it alone - the options are endless. No matter what combination of taste buds you have, you must agree on the perfection of Nutella. The label on the jar reads “Hazelnut Spread with Skim Milk & Cocoa,” but they left out the best ingredient: heaven. Each bite of Nutella is angelic, and the thrill is unlike any other. I could write one million Scarlet Letters about this incredible delight, and I still would not give Nutella its proper appreciation. All hail Nutella, the mightiest snack of them all.

12 | opinions

The Scarlet

april 3, 2014

Hypocrisy cont. continued from page 11

Dear Sigmund, My roommate told me last week that she didn’t want my boyfriend sleeping in our room anymore. She didn’t tell me why, just said that it had to stop. I don’t understand what the big deal is with him sleeping over, we live in a suite so it’s not like it’s a small dorm room with no where else to go. And I really don’t get why she is mad at me now. Do you really think I should make my boyfriend stop sleeping over? Thanks, Room for Three Dear Room for Three, I have a few questions for you to think about. How long have you known your roommate and been living with her? How long have been together with your boyfriend? How often does your boyfriend stay over? And have you stopped spending time with your roommate since you started dating your boyfriend? All of these questions would impact my response to your situation. First lets talk about you and your roommate. You’re living together for a reason, and I’m guessing it’s because the two of you get along and are friends. So take a look at the friendship; are you still spending time together and hanging out? It could be that your roommate misses the time she had with you in the past and believes that isn’t happening now. If this is the case, perhaps she sees the evening as a time the two of you can come together and re-connect. It could also be that your roommate just wants a little space in the room that is also hers. Sometimes if there is someone’s significant other around every night, we can start feeling as though the space is longer ours and we lose the comfort we once had. You need to take a serious look at what your boyfriend being in the room is doing to your room-

mate. Yes the space is yours, but it is also hers, and it is not your boyfriend’s; you need to respect these facts. Now moving onto you and your boyfriend. The fact that you want to spend nights together with your significant other is great, and it’s normal. Wanting to be together is a sign of a strong relationship. But how often is sleeping over happening? Another aspect of a strong relationship is the ability to have separate lives while still having a life together. This basically means that you need separate time built into your relationship; this will actually make the together time stronger and more meaningful. In sum, yes I think you should be spending some nights without your boyfriend. Choose three nights per week to sleep alone in your room (with your roommate for girl bonding time), and then the other four nights you can spend with your boyfriend. Learning how to balance your romantic relationship with other important relationships will be a valuable skill to have in life. With all this said, you will never know what is going on in your roommate’s head unless you talk to her. Ask her why she would like your boyfriend to be in the room less. And when you ask her, please be ready for the answer she is going to give you without becoming defensive and attacking. You are asking because you want to know the answer, so listen to that answer and work with it. I have a feeling you and roommate, and your boyfriend, will work out the details so that everyone is comfortable in the situation. Good luck and happy sleeping! Sigmund

If you have a question for Sigmund, email, and keep checking to see if your question appears in a future column. Please remember that the advice given here is not meant to act as, or replace, therapy or emergency care.

Amendment these companies are trying to use protects that right. Interestingly enough, these companies are not trying to change the entire law; they are simply demanding a pass specifically for their companies. This brings up an interesting question. Do these companies really care about the freedom of religion, or do they just not want to pay for coverage? And what’s to stop other companies from declaring the same excuse? By allowing even one company to opt out, it ensures that many others will use this to get around the law, essentially voiding it. And what will stop these companies from doing something more extreme, like discriminating against prospective employees for their sexual preference? In Tennessee, a bill was approved that intends to “expand religious liberty protections” for students in public schools. This means that students would be allowed to express religious beliefs in homework, artwork, written and oral assignments, all without punishment or discrimination being allowed. Opponents to the bill believe that, because there are already laws in effect that protect these rights, and would therefore expose students to unnecessary religious coercion in a setting that cannot be regulated. The effect would essentially be an anti-discrimination law that would create opportunities for discrimination. And this is exactly what I believe is happening in the current Supreme Court case. If left unattended, the will of the corporations’ owners will supersede the employees that work there, who will have their rights stripped away. Many people need to take contraceptives for health reasons. While people are perfectly in their right to be against specific types of contraceptives, it is also very important to note that some people, for their own reasons, need to take money out of their paycheck every week to keep buying these things. And frankly, it’s not anyone else’s business if they are. These people are the reason that corporations like Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood are running; they’re the very reason they have such successful businesses. When did religious belief become more important than actual living people? So here’s my verdict: if you don’t approve of some type of behavior, whether it be contraceptives, abortion, gay marriage, etc. don’t do it. Just don’t do it, and continue living your life knowing that you’re living comfortably and happily. Don’t try to force your will on other people, don’t make it a political debate. Run your corporation, make business related decisions, and just let it go. Because at the end of the day, that’s all you’re required to do.

The Scarlet

april 3, 2014

living arts | 13

The Scarlet/Living Arts É Solo Un Trucco

Counterpoints cont.

The Great Beauty at Cinema 320

continued from page 1

By Ronald Gerber scarlet staff

This weekend was the first time I attended a screening at Cinema 320, a makeshift movie theatre on the third floor of Clark’s Jefferson Hall four times a week. Apparently, I was a little late to the party; Cinema 320’s tagline reads that it has been “celebrating great films since 1982,” and if Paolo Sorrentino’s The Great Beauty (La Grande Bellezza in Italian) is any indicator, they have stayed true to their word. I expected the theatre to be empty, but I arrived to find a flood of mostly elderly men and women waiting. Tickets were cheap; $6 for the general public, $3 for Clark students and faculty. I discovered upon getting inside that the movie was going to be shown on DVD. Of course, a modest set-up makes no difference when a film is great and an audience is actively engaged. We took in and roared with laughter at the antics and nonchalant wit of Jep Gambardella (Toni Servillo), a modern-day and slightly aged version of a playboy Fellini protagonist. Jep finds himself at the center of a manic world full of electrifying Roman parties and strange contemporary art. “I wanted to be the king of the high life,” he tells us in a moment of reflection, and it would seem just from an early sequence in which friends young and old practically bathe in alcohol and techno music during a rooftop birthday celebration

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at Jep’s penthouse opposite the Colosseum that he has succeeded admirably. Yet after the ruckus, he is back to business as usual: walking around and observing nuns and children at surrounding religious institutions, exchanging sharp-tongued banter with his dwarf magazine editor Dadina (Giovanna Vignola) and his maid, going out to candlelit but platonic dinners with a stripper named Ramona (Sabrina Ferilli), attending funerals, observing a young kid angrily making wall art that will fetch a fortune at auction, and decidedly not writing a new novel. While Jep was supposedly “destined to be a writer,” in his own words, it has been thirty years since his only novelette, acclaimed though

it was. His inability or perhaps lack of desire to write another book, as well as his tongue-in-cheek, sideshowesque surroundings, full of religious and artistic satire, provide Jep a backdrop for a journey that he hopes will bring him to an understanding of the

true beauty of life. This year, The Great Beauty won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film. The recognition was well-deserved, but the award did not highlight the extreme technical prowess Sorrentini displays. The sound design deserves special mention; songs ranging from John Tavener’s “The Lamb” to Yolanda Be Cool’s “We No Speak Americano,” dialogue and voiceovers, and an unusually rich world of diegetic sounds are layered in the soundtrack with extraordinary grace. This is not to take anything away from the screenplay, co-written by Sorrentino and Umberto Contarello, which has the makings of a great novel. The effectiveness of the party scenes and romantic flashbacks can be attributed to great design, but the dialogue scenes are where the most magic happens. Jep listens patiently to a vitriolic attack on his career and life from his friend Stefania (Galatea Ranzi) at a small get-together, and

though. ‘Shake It Out’ suffered because the soloist’s expressions and body language were melodramatic to the point where they distracted from the music. When Counterpoints (CP) took the stage again, a well-balanced selection of songs, making good use of each soloist’s voice type and style, floated out to fill the auditorium. CP Alum Sarah Lee’s seamless arrangement of For Real’s “Don’t Know Nothing” was a wise first choice, and soloist Katie Bogen’s (‘15) flamingo costume and body language worked well to amplify the song’s simple but sexy swing. Julie Lewitt (‘17), dressed as an iridescent peacock, ramped up the fun of One Republic’s “Counting Stars” by breaking out into dance as she and a zebra-striped Ellie Gilmore (‘17) lent beautifully paired lead voices to the infectious tune. “Counting Stars” was one of two new Counterpoints performances featured in the show – the other was “Dissolve Me” by Alt-J. While sophomore Dominique Pratt’s solo started out difficult to hear, it filled out towards the middle of the song into something confident and honest, unadorned in a marvelous way. Other performanc-

es included “Teardrop,” which was arranged by CP alum Joy Meikle and handled masterfully by soloist Tess Reichart (‘17) and the ubiquitous “Royals.” It would have been good to hear a few more new additions to the Counterpoints repertoire – the fact that there were only two in the seven-song set was slightly disappointing, and that they were so good actually exacerbated the dissatisfaction. Another flaw of the show was the rush in which “Royals” was delivered, which threw off the mood of the song, giving it a nervous, harried air. Taken as a whole, however, last week’s Counterpoints show was most certainly a collection of great songs, all sung and arranged with a deep respect for the songs themselves and the art of a cappella. “Into the Wild” closed off with “Ignition,” during which the whole of Counterpoints just let go, each singer moving and bouncing and adding her own flair, getting the whole audience involved. The mini party onstage was enough to push the less entertaining parts of the show to the back of everyone’s mind, and sealed off the event as a bona fide good time.

within two minutes exacts revenge with the arrestingly funny and brutally honest wit of a great Oscar Wilde character, sending the legion of viewers into tears of joy. And so in one night, I discovered two small treasures: The Great Beauty, and the Cinema 320 experience. I highly recommend both, the former for those searching for greater meaning in life, and the latter for those simply looking for a great way to kill a Saturday night.

The Scarlet

14 | sports

april 3, 2014

The Scarlet/Sports COUGAR of the WEEK Mike Mainuli

by Scott Levine



Mike Mainuli (‘15) is enjoying his best season so far at Clark. He has posted a 3.43 ERA and a respectable 1-2 record. He is on track to play much more this year than in years past. guys in this league because they can turn into runs. You want to keep it over the plate, out in the zone a little bit. It’s a lot easier than trying to blow it past everyone. courtesy of scott levine

Scarlet: How is the transition to being a full time starter been? Mainuli: My freshman year we ran into a lot of injuries, so I got the opportunity to be a spot starter and [pitch] some innings, which really helped because going into games and getting that exposure [has been] really effective in [helping me become] a better pitcher. [In] my sophomore year, I had a starting role, which was nice. It’s nice to have a role and to know it, and to go out there and just try and to do the best for the team, to [pitch] as many innings as you can. Scarlet: You’re pitching many more innings this year, what’s the biggest challenge that comes with more time on the mound? Mainuli: I don’t see any real challenges other than the stamina involved. To pitch so many innings, it takes a team effort because I’m the kind of guy that will pitch to contact. I’m not going to strike too many guys out. So I need a lot of help from the infield and from the outfield to [record] outs and to keep going deep into games. But all in all, it benefits a team if you can get a starter to go six or seven innings. It takes a lot of pressure off of the bullpen. Scarlet: Have you always been a guy who pitches to contact? Mainuli: Yeah, at least at this level. You try and throw stuff in the zone that moves. You don’t really want to walk too many

Scarlet: You mentioned earlier that your 90 MPH fastball was about 74 MPH when you enrolled in Clark. Do you pitch for contact because your fastball has not always been top tier? Mainuli: Yes and no. I never had too much of an off-speed or a breaking pitch, so I was always a heavy fastball guy. It was [about] using your other off-speed pitches to set it up and make it look a lot faster than it was. When I was a [firstyear], it wasn’t going much harder than 80 MPH, but you can make it a lot more effective if the kid saw it after a curveball or a changeup, so that was kind of the approach. And I still pitch that way now. You’ll see a lot more fastballs because I’ve developed as a player, so fortunately, I can throw it past some guys. But a good hitter will square you up no matter how hard you throw, so you still have to place the ball, [and] use your other pitches. Scarlet: What are some of your goals for the team this season? Mainuli: I want to see us make a conference tournament. I want see a playoff spot for the Clark Cougars. I really do think we have the talent for it, and I’ve seen it in a lot of games so far where we mess up just one little aspect of the game. But it has come together for some of our games; [we’ve had] some of [our] best innings as a team. And when we see that [consistently], we’ll have a very, very competitive team. Scarlet: What in particular have you seen

that’s encouraging? Mainuli: We have a very dominant pitching rotation. Derek [DuBois] (‘13) obviously, he throws the crap out of the ball, and Miles [Sheehan] (‘16) has been absolutely awesome the last couple starts. So having that basis for your team is a really good way to keep yourself in games. And the hitting has come alive for a couple games like [against] Emerson and down in Florida too when we put up nine runs in my start against Penn State-Abington. But if we can get consistency out of everyone, the bullpen too, I think those are our most encouraging days. Scarlet: Any personal goals for this season? Mainuli: I’d like to win a couple games. I actually haven’t had more than one win a season for my last couple years here, and I know we’re getting progressively better as a team, so I’d like to win more games and pitch more innings. Scarlet: And maybe try to get a complete game under your belt? Mainuli: Yeah, complete games are a lot of fun. Obviously when I go out there, every start I’m expecting to pitch the entire game, but that’s not always the case. But it’s that mentality that I try to bring to every game, that I want to start the game, I want to finish [the game]. I want to make sure I make it so that we can win. Clark Baseball lost on Tuesday, April 1 at Wheaton 16-2. They will square off against crosstown rival WPI on Friday, April 4 at 3:30 p.m. and on Saturday, April 5 at 12 p.m. and 3 p.m. All games will be held at Clark. Go Cougars!

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By Scott Levine scarlet staff

softball Clark Softball left Smith College on Wednesday, April 2 with a close loss of 7-6 and a triumphant victory of 3-2. The team will look to springboard off this success when they play against WPI on Friday, April 4 at 3 and 5 p.m.

By Ethan Giles sports editor

men’s tennis The men’s tennis team had an up and down week, as they lost 7-2 at Stonehill College on Saturday and 6-3 against Babson on Tuesday, but beat Brandeis 9-0 Wednesday. The team plays at home on Friday against Brandeis and on Monday against Rhode Island.

lacrosse The lacrosse team had a rough week, as they lost to both MIT and Plymouth State 11-10. Their next game is Monday at Anna Maria.

The Scarlet

april 3, 2014

puzzles | 15

The Scarlet/Puzzles CROSSWORD


copyright © 2013 ltd.

ACROSS 1. Examine thoroughly 4. Brushes 6. Inhabitant of Saudi Arabia 9. Self-confidence 10. Overturn 11. On the top 15. Become firm 16. Clenched hand 19. Easy stride 20. Social insects 21. Irish county 22. Friendship 23. Synchronize 25. Female name 27. Bouquet

28. Soft food for infants 30. Three at cards 31. Island in the Bay of Naples 33. Irregularly operated court 34. Rigid 35. Approaches 36. Destroy by immersion DOWN 1. Pertaining to the post office 2. Son of Isaac and Rebekah 3. Former county in SE England 4. Grime 5. Perfumes 7. Serpents

8. Musical composition for two 12. Capital of Japan 13. Unfolds 14. Male name 16. Lacking brightness 17. Bury 18. Genre 23. Oral 24. U.S. gangster 26. California town 28. Whittle 29. Career golfers 31. Felines 32. Chilled 25. Spawned 26. Temporary stop 29. Stepped


The Scarlet

16 | puzzles

april 3, 2014


Police Logs compiled by Maria Rotelli


March 28th 15:48 - Mailroom van broken into, damage done to van. 18:15 - Strange group of females on Beaver Street. March 29th 11:29 - UC sewer has a few leaks. 12:21 - Missing chairs in Atwood Hall. 13:06 - Report of broken glass in Goddard Library. March 30th 8:56 - Person states they ran out of passes for people to park. He wanted to make sure no one would get tagged. 9:58 - Person needs Razzo Hall opened, but it was already opened.


March 31st 1:34 - Suspicious person knocking on door off campus. 13:03 - Minor motor vehicle accident, struck cigarette trash bin. This week, University Police oversaw one complaint, one loud party, one report of trespassing, one marijuana-related incident, two reports of suspicious persons, two fire alarms, two emergency call box alarms, two checks of student welfare, two reports of larceny, two reports of vandalism, and there were nine calls for police escorts.

what happens in The Scarlet office at 3:30 a.m. stays in the The Scarlet office... sort of “How do you spell ‘edible complex’?” -Sarah “Rose wasn’t into the Beyonce-Woody Allen party, but I still want her to make an infographic for it.” - Claire “2048 is ruining my life. I now understand why people do crack.” - Memmer “I was wet and upset. And I decided that that would be the name of my autobiography.” - Maria “No, it’s not Political Week. But every day is Political Day.” - Keitaro “I’m trying to get artistic with these dick pics but I feel like they just look sickly.” - Claire

“I just got a really weird fortune.” - Matt “...Wait. I definitely thought you said foreskin.” - Jenna “It must be noted that Pooja says ‘anticlockwise’ instead of ‘counterclockwise.’ Anticlockwise isn’t even a word according to Google! Oh wait. I spelled it wrong.” - Sarah “I’m tearing up. Partly because it’s 1:30 in the morning, but still.” - Rose “He [Tony] was a drug addiction counselor in Westborough” - Rose “MEMMER???” - Sarah [30 min. later] “He [Tony] could actually be a commencement speaker” - Pooja “OBAMA???” - Sarah “Is anything we say actually funny to other people?” - Rose **A RESOUNDING YES**

The Scarlet - 04/03/2014  
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