May 5, 2010
Those who can’t love their neighbors as themselves The scriptures direct us to “love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew: 22:39). The “as yourself,” is usually considered a fait accompli. We presuppose we do love ourselves. Yet, myriads of us don’t. And if we don’t, relationships, friendships and marriages are negatively affected. Over the last century psychology has recognized an almost epidemiclike rise in narcissism. This term is misunderstood by most. Narcissistic persons are imagined as people over-dosed on pride, absorbed in themselves and oblivious to the needs and feelings of anymore else. This persona is a veneer, an unconscious strategy, a compensation to hide their core perception of their inferiority. Narcissists usually come from ade-
quate-appearing families. They are impoverished, nevertheless, by the lack of appreciation of self conveyed to them in their upbringing. did not Father Lou get They enough attenGuntzelman tion from parents guardians, Perspectives or especially attention in the way they needed it. Narcissism is not too much self but, rather, not enough self. As young children, their true self was not acknowledged and fostered. They were not permitted enough authentic and spontaneous expression of who they really are. Author and psychotherapist
Stephanie Dowrick states in her book, “Intimacy & Solitude,” “The narcissistic adult is not one who has been ‘spoilt’ by too much attention, but someone whose life has been spoilt because those who cared for him in infancy and childhood were unable to see or know who he was, and to respond to that. Instead they saw a reflection of their own needs, or someone who intruded upon their own needs.” This treatment gradually forms and launches into life an empty person who doesn’t know who he is, who feels inadequate, and certainly doesn’t (as scripture asks) love the pathetic person he perceives himself to be. So, he or she learns to conceal their sad embarrassment by acting superior in their demeanor, words and
behavior. They seek to please to gain acceptance. They thrive on constant praise and approval to prop up their concocted image. The affirmations and love offered to narcissists never seem to be enough. If early emotional neglect from significant people implied to them they were unlovable and worthless, they are likely to be distrustful of the people who claim to love or admire them now. Why? Dowrick says, “This is because it is impossible to accept the love of others until you love your own self.” What are people to do who are in a relationship with a narcissisticallytinged person? First, the narcissist must become aware (perhaps with professional help) of his or her condition and be
willing to work with their own inner life. Second, if their partner in the relationship genuinely loves them, then the partner (perhaps also with professional assistance) can learn suitable affirmations and expressions of love to be of help in their growth. Hope for progress comes from the intense personal work of the narcissist, the grace and love of the Creator and the genuine love of their partner. Real love is creative. It helps to both reveal and actualize as yet unrecognized potentials in the person loved. Father Lou Guntzelman is a Catholic priest of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Contact him at columns@community press.com or P.O. Box 428541, Cincinnati, OH 45242.
Salad add-ons will turn your lettuce’s head A plain old lettuce salad can be pretty boring. But in today’s produce sections of the grocery, you’ll find bags of mixed greens to add a little extra something to your lettuce salad. And typically, these bags aren’t cheap. Well guess what? You can grow most of these greens, and you can do it in a pot on your own back porch! I call them my “salad bowl add-ons,” and it’s real-
ly simple to do. Here’s how: 1) Get yourself two or three (or more), 12- to 14inch wide shallow containers, always making sure they have good drainage. Plastic bowls, bushel baskets, anything close will do just fine. 2) Fill your containers with a good grade potting mix, a little Osmocote for a gradual feeding, and some Soil Moist to help cut down on our watering. And now
you’re ready to plant! (Feel free to use natural fertilizers as well!) 3) So what do you put in your salad bowl add-ons containers? Try growing Upland cress, dill, radicchio, arugula, basil, parsley, chives, mixed greens, mustard greens and of course, my favorite, cilantro. Any of those greens which can be added to a salad bowl of lettuce will work. 4) Plant your add-ons closer than you would nor-
mally, keeping in mind you’ll be harvesting these on a regular basis. Many of your plants are “cut and come again,” which means as your remove or harvest the young leaves, more will re-grow later. So by planting several containers, you can rotate your harvesting from
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basket to basket. 5) Water your plants in well, and water as needed throughout the spring season. Come late May/early June, many of these greens will begin to poop out, and at that time, your can remove the greens, and replant these planters with your favorite
herbs. Then you’ll have fresh herbs to harvest, all Ron Wilson s u m m e r In the long. garden Ron Wilson is Natorp’s Inc. marketing manager for Natorp’s Inc. Garden Stores .
Published on May 6, 2010
Published on May 6, 2010
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