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the courier

volume 38 issue 3 november 2010

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the buzz

your school community world

. . . Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food from freezing . . . Lightning strikes men seven times more often than it does women . . .

Nose to the grindstone

Seniors experience the stress of making the cut for college acceptance and scholarships

Senior Monica Whitaker has a schedule not many would be brave enough to take on. Between four AP classes, a part-time job, math club, Bible club, and marching band, she has become a guru of time management as well as a top applicant for college acceptance and scholarships. Whitaker has kept up this busy schedule throughout her high school career. By the time she graduates she will have taken a total of eight AP classes which can leave her with up to four hours of homework a night. “Sometimes it’s pretty challenging, like all the stuff that they give us, but sometimes there’s not too much homework and it’s just prioritizing and getting stuff done,” Whitaker said. Whitaker has already been accepted to Colorado State University and Montana State University and is now putting all of her attention toward scholarships. Her hard work throughout high school has made her a top competitor for prestigious scholarships such as the meritbased Boettcher Scholarship, which comes with a hefty reward: the cost of tuition, fees, and books paid in full for eight semesters at any four-year college or university in Colorado. It’s the possibility of scholarships like the Boettcher that keep Whitaker motivated. “Knowing that with all this hard work–getting

there isn’t just one right college, there’s probably many,” Paternoster said. She also advises that students remember that they are more than their numbers–test scores and grades aren’t everything. “Colleges, even the most highly selective colleges like Harvard or Stanford, turn away kids with perfect test scores every year,” Paternoster said. “They’re really looking for students who are well-rounded. So I see kids take on maybe more of an academic load than they should sometimes. You know, really you should just keep challenging yourself, you shouldn’t be killing yourself academically. You should be able to do extracurricular activities, not only because I think you learn a lot about yourself by doing that, but because colleges don’t want kids who are just focused on academics.” It’s often well-rounded students, however, who face the greatest challenges with balancing Mo C mit d a s t n a both academics and n applic 67 tan score T C 72% of A 2 e a % g their many activis s 1-2 vera ad Sta ating cla u 22-27 a d 7 a m r g t f ties. o 17 ave itt e top 10% ed %i r a 22% in Senior n t ge op AC Alex Miller, for 10 T Co % lor example, is in ado ute t i S t the process c 6 h ns 26 3% a ool o ia I logy of applying to n -30 dm r f Mi ifo echno itted T l 52 aver itted n a California Insties C C T %i of % adm age A n to age A tute of Technolp 1 CT 15 aver 10% 0% ogy and Colorado top -35 33 8% in School of Mines. Miller 9 juggles five AP classes with commitments to church, Belles, Math Club, STAAYH, and Trivia Bowl and just landed the lead role in the upcoming musical, which will demand even more of her time. How does she manage it? “I think working hard and trying not to get senioritis too soon definitely helps,” Miller said nonchalantly. Whitaker was equally nonchalant about how she manages her time. “Staying focused, paying attention in class, and going to class” are Whitaker’s main tools for success. “I’m just really good about getting stuff done and staying focused. That’s the big thing, it’s like part of my personality, to just have a plan and get it done,” she said. “I think to a certain extent, people are born with different levels of internal motivation, but I think some of it is nurture. You know, they see their parents are like that. Kids fall all over the spectrum, but we definitely have some of those kids who are truly driven,” Paternoster said.

good grades and stuff–comes scholarship money definitely helps,” she said. Whitaker is one of many seniors who are applying to colleges this time of year. Counselor and college advisor Ms. Paternoster has seen seniors at this stage in their high school careers who are “all over the board,” from students who have yet to start the application process to students who are applying to ten or more colleges and very selective schools. It’s this time of year that has many students overwhelmed with stress. The best thing, Paternoster said, is to “learn about yourself so that you know what’s going to be a good fit” when determining what colleges to apply to. “That should be the goal, to find the school that’s the best fit, not the school that’s the hardest to get into. And also to know yourself well enough to know State that olorado ted

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Senior Monica Whitaker works on a test in AP Physics. She is one of many seniors working hard to win scholarships and get into college. photo by analisa holden

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abbey borchers

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the courier staff editor-in-chief: abbey borchers news editor: heidi roberts opinion editor: emily partida senior executive director of freelance reporting and editing: lauren elder staff writers: daniel bernal-rubiano analisa holden trevor ogborn stephanie reichlin jennifer robinson adviser: mr. friesen

policy The Courier is the official student newspaper of Columbine High School. Expression made by students in The Courier is not an expression of Jefferson County Public School’s Board policy, and the school district and its employees are immune from any civil or criminal action based on any expression made or published by students.

on the cover Junior Cameron Whiteside and senior Hannah Lear ponder the answer to a tricky question at Trivia Bowl. Trivia Bowl took place on Thursday, November 18. photo by abbey borchers

Comments? aborchers.cc.2011@gmail.com

november 2010


news

the buzz

“Whaddya mean Webb applied to

BALDTruth

The

Get out of Alaska

Judging by his fair skin and light-colored goatee, one could guess correctly that Mr. Webb was born and raised in Alaska. Saying that he wanted to “get out of Alaska and his parents’ house,” after high school Webb decided to come to Colorado for college, having come to the state on a skiing trip as junior. He applied to CU and CSU. “Colorado was familiar. I knew I liked the outdoors and a lot of the activities [there],” Webb said. Webb made his move came from Alaska to attend CSU and become an engineer. “I was pretty fortunate to be accepted into the engineering program, “Webb recalled, “but that lasted all of about six weeks. That was something my father wanted me to do, so I quickly dropped that and started doing the things I wanted to do.” As it turns out, what Webb wanted to do was journalism, at least at first. “It didn’t stick,” he said. “I didn’t like the idea of, say, having to seek out someone who was distraught and shove a microphone or camera in his face. That wasn’t going to work for me.” From there, he “stumbled” upon an English major; however, not being able to simply have an English major by itself, he tacked on a teaching emphasis, “I didn’t know anything about it,” Webb said. Paying his own way, Webb worked in construction around the Fort Collins area. At one point in his college journey, he actually took a year off and went back up to Alaska, where he worked in the oil fields in Prudhoe Bay, making about $1,600 a week. “The company had another job down in the oil flats that would’ve carried me over into the first semester of college,” Webb said, “but because I was making so much money and I direly needed it to pay for school, I went ahead and took the year off and continued the summer into the fall.” Webb worked a sort of “swing shift” up at Prudhoe Bay. “I worked from midnight to noon, [driving] workers to the job and [picking] them up on the way back.” While working up in the oil fields, he met another guy from Vail. Both knew a mutual friend up at CSU. “It was like a random-run-into-people-in-the-middle-of-nowhere [connection],” Webb said.

I was a ski bum

Returning to Colorado, Webb moved in with the new friend up in Vail. “I was a ski bum. I worked in a ski shop,” Webb said. “I skied 75 days that year on a pass and just had a great time.” After taking the year off, Webb decided it was time to return to school. “Because I had taken the year off, the standards had changed, I had to re-apply to the [teaching] program, Instead, I had so many credits in political science it was easier for me to just graduate with an English major and a political science minor. So that’s what I did.” After graduating, “I looked around and said, ‘What the heck am I going to do? Maybe I should do this teaching thing.’ I really had enjoyed the time I spent in the classroom, so I decided I’d give it another shot.” Webb re-applied to the teaching program and a year later received his license. It was when Webb returned to school that he met his wife,

november 2010

CU?!?”

An insider’s look into the fascinating life of Mr. Webb by Emily Partida

Jennifer. “It wasn’t the first time I had met her. We had several classes together because she’s also an English major and got a teaching degree from CSU. She started two years after I did and graduated two years before me. I always claim I had more fun, though.” Mr. and Mrs. Jason and Jennifer Webb, however, “abhor” the idea of continuing the J-themed names within the family. They now have two daughters, Brooklyn and Avery, ages eight and five. They also have two dogs and a cat.

Staring at an aquarium

In addition to tending to his family pets, Mr. Webb runs the aquarium in the library. This, however, represents much more than a hobby. “After the shooting in ‘99, we finished our year over at Chatfield,” Webb recalled, “but we were all in sort of a state of shock. I knew I needed something to keep my mind busy.” “I’d always liked aquariums,” Webb continued, “and always wanted to try a saltwater aquarium. There’s a lot that you have to learn from reading the books, watching videos, talking to some people and going online to talk to some people in an online message board. It really kept me occupied.” “When we started [school] again in the fall, there were members of the English department who said they’d never go into the library again,” Webb said. “I just thought, ‘This is crazy. We’re English teachers. You can’t be an English teacher and not go to the library.’ So I started talking to Liz Keating, who was the librarian at the time, and said that we need something to give the library a positive focus, something to encourage kids to go in there. I said, ‘What about starting an aquarium for a library?’” Being new to aquarium life, Webb needed a little help beginning an aquarium in a public place, so he turned to his online message boards, simply looking for information. However, Webb got much more of a response than he anticipated when he began telling people he needed advice on setting up an aquarium in the Columbine library. “Six hours later [after posting I needed help], the president of a major lighting manufacturer said, ‘We’ll donate your lighting.’ Two hours later, All-Glass Aquariums said, ‘We’ll donate the aquarium,’” Webb said. “All I was asking for was advice, and all of the sudden I had people lining up. It was seven days later when the last guy, a guy named Perry Tishgardi, who runs Champion Lighting and Supply, our number one supporter, said, ‘Sorry to get to the party late. We’d like to get everything that’s left on your list, eve r y -

Pruett Chimes in on Webb

Q: How long have you known Mr. Webb? A: 11 years Q: How did you come to meet him? A: Through the English Department and doing things outside of work: mountain biking, hiking, climbing 14ers Q: One word to describe Mr. Webb? A: Rugged Q: A novel that describes his life? A: “Into the Wild” - Krakauer Q: Favorite memory of you and Mr. Webb? A: Playing pranks on each other in class Favorite prank ON Webb: Decorating his room in CU colors at beginning of year Favorite prank FROM Webb: Covered room in saran wrap and aluminum foil, floor covered with inch of confetti

thing that you don’t have.’ It was just unreal.” Columbine’s Hope Memorial Library still has the aquarium built into the wall, and students help Webb clean it and manage the tank.

I like being a kid

Now, life is back to normal for Webb. “I get up at 5:15 a.m. and shower,” Webb said. “I read the paper every morning. I’m one of those diehards who has to have a newspaper in paper. It’s just a ritual, sitting at the breakfast table, eating breakfast and reading the paper.” Webb gets his two daughters off to school, teaches his classes and goes home about 5 p.m. “I truly enjoy teaching, I love being in the classroom with the students. That’s why I’m a teacher,” Webb said. “I understand in some ways what it’s like to be a kid, I like being a kid. I think you can fully be a kid and still grow up. I like to have fun

Continued on Page 4

photo by Stephanie Reichlin

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news

the buzz

BALDTruth

The

Continued from Page 3

with what I do and connect as best I can on the students’ level. There are ways that education can be engaging and lively.”

I said yes

Many people do not know that Webb himself actually began the AP Language and Composition class that he now teaches. He got his information from a former Columbine AP Literature teacher, Carol Samson. “She retired, and Mr. Friesen took over her class. About a year or two before she retired she encouraged me to start this class because a lot of schools had both AP Lit and AP Language, and she thought we ought to as well.” “She sent me and Mr. Pruett to training,” Webb continued. “It was the year she retired that we to create some honors programs. They asked me if I would teach this class and I said yes. It was Honors English 11 the first year. I decided after the first year that if the students were going to work this hard, if I was going to be preparing and using this AP curriculum on them, that they may as well have the benefit of it being an AP on their transcript.” The AP Language class is constantly evolving. “I still change the curriculum every year,” Webb said. “I’m always doing something new and different.” Anyone who knows even one person who has had Webb as a teacher knows that he has certain little quirks, such as Zen Friday. “Zen Friday, I’ve been doing that for a lot of years. That came from a teacher I truly admired when I was in high school. He taught creative writing, and it was fun and I really enjoyed it,” Webb recalled. “He used to put a quote up once a week. Looking back on that I really liked his class and his approach, and I can remember some of the quotations from his board, so when I started teaching, I put a quote up on the board every Friday, and some of them came from this little ‘Book of Zen’ and

so I just started calling it Zen Friday.” Another little quirk of Webb’s is his infamous Cookie Friday. “[It] started about five years ago with a girl named Corey Emil,” Webb said. “She was really frustrated and stressed one day. She came into class on a Friday with all these cookies, and I was like, ‘What are you doing? We’re not supposed to be eating in class.’ And she was a pretty fiery kid anyway, and she said, ‘It’s been a rough week and I felt like we needed some cookies.’ She just started passing them out, didn’t ask permission or anything. So the next week I bought some cookies, and from then on whenever a student got the whim he or she’d bring in cookies and we’d all have one and go about out business. It was just a nice way to wrap up the week.”

allowed to be working at 13, but I was anyway. I mean, I was a 13-year old making seven dollars an hour in 1980, which was pretty good money back then.” When Webb was a junior, he went on an out-of-town job in Seward, Alaska. “My father’s company had taken an old school bus, gutted it completely, put a wall up about where the third row of seats were, and so the front half was now an office,” Webb recalled. “There was a desk and everything. The back half behind that wall, we turned the seats around to face each other and put plywood on top of them and that’s where our beds were. We had an old black-and-white TV that managed to get WGN. We could pick up Harry Carry and watch Cub’s games. We had sandwiches and sodas out of a cooler. I lived in the back of this bus [for the summer].”

It’s the kind that kills you

The then 18-year old Mr. Webb poses in front of his high-school ride: a ‘57 Chevy. Webb and his father restored the candy-apple red classic. photo by courtesy of mr. webb

Pretty good back then

As hard as it may be to imagine, Webb was once, in fact, a teenager, even a child. In Anchorage, he attended Bartlet High School, where he was a Golden Bear. At age 13, he was working for his father in construction, being paid “under the table.” “When the state people would come by, there were several times I would have to go out and sit in the truck and kind of hide from them, because I wasn’t

Many people believe the reason that Webb has such beautiful locks of hair is because he had melanoma cancer a few years back. That’s not the reason for his baldness, but part of the story is true. In 2004, Webb received a phone call during class two days after having a mole biopsied. “It was just before fourth hour had started. The phone call came into my room and the doctor said, ‘It’s a malignant melanoma tumor,’” Webb recalled. “I froze. I know a lot of big words, but for that my mind just went blank. I had to ask him what that meant, and he said, ‘It’s the kind that kills you.’ “The second that he said that, the bell rang to start fourth hour,” Webb recalled. It has been six years since Webb was diagnosed. He had the cancer cut out and never underwent chemotherapy, so that is not the reason he sports his shiny head. Baldness is a personal choice. “I give myself a haircut every other day. [My hair] was working its way there on its own,” Webb said. “I just gave in to the inevitable and sped up the process.” Comments? epartida.cc.2011@gmail.com

Ceremonious recognition Juniors and seniors are recognized for academic and athletic achievement heidi roberts

Junior Kendra Lafonte shakes Mr. DeAngelis’ hand as she accepts her letter award. Two-hundred sixty students were recognized for their achievements at the Honors Recognition Ceremony. photo courtesy of christa irell

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Thursday mornings are usually a welcome haven for students, bringing the promise of a full extra hour of sleep. However, on Thursday, November 18, 260 students instead found themselves wide awake and standing in the Commons at seven in the morning, awaiting a congratulatory ceremony. The Honors Recognition Ceremony was the cause which brought students, parents, and teachers. Students were honored at the ceremony, rewarded both for achievements in academics and/or athletics. The students invited to the ceremony were each rewarded with letter certifications, either in academics or the specific sport for

which they were recognized. “[The academic awards are] for juniors and seniors who have earned an accumulative average of 3.7 or above over their first two or three years of high school,” said Mr. Christy, assistant principal and coordinator of the event. “We also recognize student athletes who have earned AllConference, Academic All State or made the Jeffco Honor Roll,” Christy said. The ceremony took place in the auditorium, and students along with members of their families were welcomed with breakfast and the sound of the jazz band, who provided entertainment at the event. The process for coordinating the event was quite lengthy, ac-

cording to Mr. Christy. “First of all, I find out who those kids are that we need to recognize, and that takes quite a bit of time,” Christy said. “I enter them all into a spreadsheet,” Christy continued, “and then basically I put together lists of students so that i can contact the parents, and then I send out reminders to parents and that kind of stuff. I organize the food, get the awards organized, all that kind of stuff.” Despite the effort, it is a significant day for students, parents and teachers “to recognize the outstanding achievements of students here at Columbine, and to recognize their hard work,” Christy said. Comments? hroberts.cc.2011@gmail.com

november 2010


november 2010

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rebel yell

your views opinion voice

. . . Rats can’t throw up . . . Europe has no deserts . . . Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people . . . Blueberry juice boosts memory . . .

24 hours of nonsense Why cable news is ruining journalism and failing the American public

Journalism is the fourth branch of government; any reporter or politician will tell lauren elder you so. News is what allows us to stay informed about the current issues both domestically and internationally–one of the key components to being a productive citizen in America. In the modern world, the most prominent medium for receiving this stream of important information comes from the 24-hour cable news networks that supply the day’s top stories at the click of a button. These networks, however, are failing to do their job. Instead of keeping America informed, they’ve become a dumping ground for irrelevant features and political opinion, as well as the breeding ground of unnecessary controversies. Trying to find real stories, news coverage or investigative reporting on the three big cable news networks–CNN, Fox and

staff editorial Ice, Ice Baby! Winter is quickly approaching, and that means ice, and lots of it. It is unavoidable, laying in wait to catch us off guard, unsuspecting, at any moment, inevitably causing us to fall on our faces. We’ve all done it: stepped out of our cars on a chilly winter’s morn, taken a refreshing whiff of that crisp December air, and with our first bouncing step, proceeded to tumble face first onto the ice-covered ground. On the way down, we always think the same thing. First, there’s the fleeting hope that you might be able to catch yourself. It’s this glimmer of hope that makes us drop whatever we are holding and thrash our arms like a soccer mom at her child’s game which, rather than helping us avoid the cold punch in the face that awaits, just worsens its ultimate effect. The grip of terror follows as our brief lives flash before our very eyes. And, after our face meets the ground and they share a rather unpleasant exchange, we realize the worst part. Yes, someone saw that. It’s this realization that humbles each and every one of us, because no matter how

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MSNBC– is like trying to find a needle in a haystack of fluffy, non-offensive filler pieces. Serious reporting is occasionally done when a major event occurs, like the incident with the Chilean miners, but this means that it is all we will hear about for the next three days. Why is it that hard news only exists in short phrases on the crawl at the bottom of the screen? Why is it that we have troops involved in two countries, yet we hear next to nothing about what the situation over there is? Do they think America watches the news to hear about skateboarding dogs? That’s what youtube is for. The news is doing a disservice to the country by failing to actively investigate stories and then relay them to the American public.

Perhaps the biggest blow to TV journalism comes in the form of political pundits. In fact, I wouldn’t even classify Fox News and MSNBC as news networks at all. With their constant barrage of opinion-based shows that only cover one view of an issue, they are simply political platforms. It’s alright to have one or two opinion-based shows, but when they outweigh the actual news hours, there is something wrong. The conservative agenda is communicated through Fox News, who calls itself “fair and balanced” yet give overwhelming coverage to Tea Party rallies, conservative politicians and any story that damages the Democratic administration. The Liberal platform is similarly communicated at MSNBC, a network that constantly condemns Fox for

Journalism is not employing pundits to tell viewers what they should think.

cool you are, or how smooth you try to be, none of us can escape the wrath of the cruel icy thwack of Mother Earth’s little tricks. This is why, when you see someone fall on the ice this winter, as you inevitably will, you should not point and laugh. The best thing to do it go and help whoever fell, making sure they are intact and whole. You shouldn’t stand there and gawk, giggle quietly with your friends, or outright laugh. Not only is that mean-spirited and unkind, it is also likely to earn you some seriously bad karma in the near future. While Mother Earth certainly enjoys to get her licks where she can, she’s also keen to help get revenge for the unfortunate victim of her icy games. The truth is that we all fall sometimes, whether it is stumbling up the stairs, slipping on the wet floor inside the doors, losing your grip on the ice in the parking lot, or tripping on a curb while walking to school. This is why we need to sympathize with people who fall, not laugh at them. We should help people pick up their spilled books, not step over them. Show some human sympathy, because you never know when it will be you who slips on the ice and need a little sympathy yourself.

“Laugh for a second and then go help them up.” – Kelsie Mercer, 9

the same bias they are guilty of on the opposite side of the aisle. Journalism means reporting the facts and allowing viewers to interpret and form their own opinion. It is not employing pundits to tell viewers what they should think. Oftentimes, news networks take a minor issue and amplify it until it is considered a national crisis. Take, for example, the swine flu outbreak last year. The way the news reported it made it seem like a global pandemic, when in reality the swine flu killed fewer people than the regular strains of flu. Cable news must recognize that it has the power to set the tone for the much of the climate in the United States, and they therefore must keep their reporting in perspective. Ultimately, they have the responsibility to maintain a reasonable perspective instead of sensationalizing events or issues to appeal to viewer interests.

SPEAK OUT

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Comments? lelder.cc.2011@gmail.com

“Point and laugh!” – Jordan Visser, 10

How should people react when they see others slip and fall on ice? “Laugh and walk away. Haha no just kidding. Go help them and make sure they are okay.” – Matthew Nelson, 11

“Point and laugh because, let’s face it, it’s funny! Then see if they are okay.” – Cierra Taylor, 12

Comments? chs.pub.2011@gmail.com

november 2010


opinion

rebel yell

Fakebook

THE O-SHOCK REPORT

Networking sites are ruining relationships

Formspring, Facebook, texting, and Myspace haunt the minds of every student from as young as sixth grade all the way to college, and even into our adult lives. We are constantly overwhelmed by technology, and you are conanalisa holden sidered “out of the loop” if you don’t have all of the above. Those of you who don’t have them, you’re more of a well-rounded person in the long run, because you don’t get sucked into the crazy drama like everyone else. Social networking and phones butcher the relationships between people. From your best friend to your “significant other,” you complicate a genuine relationship because it is all over a computer or your cell phone. It’s easy to say whatever you want over text or over the Internet because you don’t have to say it to their face; everything is just impersonal and fake. The words “I love you,” which used to carry so much passion and meaning, have become just another hello or goodbye over in the cyber world. Technology has watered down every old idea of a healthy relationship and has become the main way of having a relationship with someone instead of a tool to get a hold of someone or to catch up. It creates this stereotype of a “cute couple” or “the best of friends.” People expect you to have pictures, late night texts, wall posts, and status updates about and from your boyfriend or girlfriend or you’re not considered a “good couple.” Best friends are required to have a million pictures together or people will ask “What’s wrong?” Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter are just a way to make people jealous of your life by status updates such as: “Oh my goodness I love my friends they’re so great!” Or “I had the best time ever tonight with my boo ehmagawd.” No one cares. You only mention it so you can rub it in someone else’s face. Texting creates this atmosphere in a relationship that is almost forced. You have to text your boyfriend or your girlfriend every minute of every single day or they get worried something is wrong. You are dependent on talking to them all the time, and you seem to be unable to function for one day without talking to them. Your day seems to be a bit brighter when they send you “adorable” text messages. They say things like that over text because they can’t say it in person. Why?

It’s because you are in high school and your relationship doesn’t mean anything. The chances of you getting married and being happy is next to nothing. I hate to break all your hearts, but someone has to slap you in the face with reality. Those text messages will be erased. Your phone will eventually break. You will one day realize how fake your relationships were in high school. You may think you will be the exception in my theory. Your text message relationship means nothing. You will eventually get bored with them, move on and find someone who you think is better. It’s just how high school is. Relationships over text can’t last because it becomes so impersonal. All of these things are just a way to shove your great life in some one’s face or to put someone that you hate down over the Internet. You don’t have to see their face when they are completely shocked and overwhelmed when they realize someone does not like them. If you can’t even say it to their faces, why are you saying it in the first place? The problem with high school is that we are nice to every one’s face, but the moment they turn their backs we are attacking their Formspring and Facebook with brutal, degrading comments that no one deserves. I’m not saying that you should go around being horrid to everyone you’re not particularly fond of. All I’m asking is for you to be civil. Let them know you don’t like them but that you will respect the fact that they are human. You shouldn’t go murdering their anonymous blog so you can get things off your chest. Many kids end up killing themselves because of your “harmless little comment” you left them, because your not confident enough with yourself to just go on with your day being nice to someone. You have to put them down. That’s just pathetic. I realize that you may think this is another lecture about how we should treat people. Yes, we do get these a lot in school and I understand you don’t really want to hear another person state how much this affects the lives of people everyday. We are not going to remember who did what. We are going to remember the friendships we created while in school. We will remember the people who were kind to us. Create those memories, not the awful ones that are being so disrespectfully thrown around on the Internet. We are here for four years, make the most of it.

I hate to break all your hearts, but someone has to slap you in the face with reality.

How’s your REBEL YELL? Want to comment on an important issue? Send your opinion to The Courier.

november 2010

Comments? aholden.cc.2011@gmail.com

Letter Guidelines: Please limit your submission to 200 words. Letters may be edited for space and inaccuracies, and The Courier reserves the right not to publish any letter. Please submit to the Publications Room, Mr. Eric Friesen’s mailbox in the main office, or e-mail to chs.courier@yahoo.com

Oh, is it ever time for a break! Despite our loss to Chatfield in the Powderpuff game, we collected about 4,500 cans combined with Chatfield! Thank you for coming to support us senior ladies and bringing cans to save Mr. De. Our next big event is Mr. Columbine, which will be held in the auditorium on December 9th at 7 p.m. Come watch some of our lovely senior boys make fools of themselves! It’s worth the five dollars, trust me. Other than tha, Senate is winding down and getting ready for the Winter Formal, which will be on February 5th! My shout out this week will go out to the one and only, the most sarcastic teacher I have ever met, MaryAnn Kane. I really hope she doesn’t go teach at Ralston Valley next year, because we all just love her so much here at Columbine! That’s all for me, have a luscious Thanksgiving Columbine! Keep it classy Columbine, Olivia Leyshock

Busy bees The impotance of time management

The other day, I was surprised and excited when I came upon the realization that–gasp!–I jenni robinson actually had time to sit down and watch an hour of TV. After a while, I started feeling very unproductive, probably because I am used to having every minute of my day planned out. When I have this strange thing called “free time,” it feels completely useless. Busy schedules keep one occupied all the time, and taking a break is a weird and uncomfortable change from the normal hectic lifestyle. Many are juggling busy schedules, encouraged to get involved by taking difficult classes and participating in extracurricular activities. Although learning how to balance can be a good thing, sometimes too much is simply too much. We enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes with

working hard. Good grades in AP classes look great on college applications, sports are fun to excel and improve in, theater and choir encourage self expression, and jobs provide much needed money. With so many fun things going on, it’s hard to give anything up. But here’s the thing: when you are involved in so many things, there is not a lot of time to put quality work into all of them. Although it’s physically possible, it’s important to fully commit to what’s already on your plate. I t ’ s hard to keep yourself going all the time. Spending an entire week in school with after school activities, Friday and Saturday nights out, and weekend community service and homework can really drain a person both physically and emotionally. Having too packed of a schedule to make time for the joys of life causes you to miss out more than you think. Make time for relaxation every once in awhile. Life is too short to spend breaking yourself down to get ahead.

Sometimes too much is simply too much.

Comments? jrobinson.cc.2011@gmail.com

7


in motion

your teams health energy

. . . The human body contains enough iron to make a 3-inch nail . . . A shrimp’s heart is in its head . . . Humans forget 90% of their dreams . . . Ants never sleep . . .

The Flash

Senior Woody Kincaid runs to State title

lauren elder On October 30 at the Arapahoe County Fairgrounds, Columbine Senior Woody Kincaid became the Boys 5A Cross Country State Champion. He is the first runner from Columbine to win a title in cross country, and his victory represents the first Columbine state title this year. Kincaid’s time of 15:58 put him five seconds ahead of second place Danny Carney of Dakota Ridge. “It feels surreal,” Kincaid said about his recent victory. Kincaid has enjoyed many victories this season with six first place finishes. Despite finishing first in state, the race was not his best time. His personal record in Colorado is 15:34. At the end of November Kincaid will be competing at the Midwest regional. If he finishes within the top ten times, than he would then qualify for nationals which is a competition of the top 40 cross country runner in the country.

“The Midwest is usually the fastest region and it has the defending champ too. If I do well and advance to Nationals, chances are I’ll do well there also,” says Kincaid. Cross country athletes start preparing for their season even before school has started with summer runs three times a week. The official season begins a week before school starts and continues into midOctober with practice everyday after school until five. When asked about how he prepares for meets, Kincaid said, “Gold bond. It’s a tradition.” Just like other seniors, Kincaid is making plans for college next year, and all of the practice and dedication to running could pay off in scholarships. “I’ve been meeting with some D1 coaches from University of Arizona and CSU,” said Kincaid who plans to continue running, “My first choice D2 is Metro.” Comments? lelder.cc.2011@gmail.com

Boys of fall finish

Football ends season of successes with second-round loss to Grandview

jenni robinson A disappointing loss to Grandview High School put an end to the football team’s otherwise successful season. Although the Rebels are no longer in the state playoffs, this year’s football team has had an extremely successful season full of many wins and few losses. A major highlight of the season was the Rebels’ win over one of our biggest rivals–Chatfield. Tension built until the squad finally defeated them in overtime with a score of 31-24. Bear Creek High School also faced a significant loss at the hands of the Rebels, a 51-21 final. Some students also came to the game wearing hunting gear, because they were “bear hunting.” “It was a fun game and I’m glad I got to be a part of it. Now I want to go bear hunting!” Sophomore Evan Hartman said. Of course, this success is due largely in part to the dedication of the coaches and players who practice everyday after school and even during the summer before the season officially begins. The players all had reasons for their dedication. “I just love competing with my friends. I love the brotherhood,” Senior Parker Clough, center, said. Strong friendships and bonds can form between players when they spend so much time together at practice and on the field. Junior Cameron McDondle, running back, agreed that the reason he plays football is “to stay in shape and hang with friends.” When asked what made this season success-

ful, Coach Lowry said, “We have great kids that have bought into the fact that success in whatever you do takes a ton of hard work and commitment. South Jeffco has a great program that develops young football players, and my assistant coaches do a great job of teaching football.” Coach Lowry has been the head football coach for the better part of two decades, coaching the team through multiple playoffs and state championships. “I enjoy working with young people and the challenges each year brings,” Lowry said. “I enjoy coaching because of the competition and the relationships you build. I have great assistant coaches and they are some of my best friends. My assistant coaches are great role models and great men.” “Coaches hold us to a high standard and that makes us perform at a high level,” Clough said. In preparation for the playoffs, some of the team members dyed their hair bleach blond. “It didn’t turn out the way I planned, bu I still like it!” said Sophomore Wesley Tran, whose hair is still a bright shade of blond. Students are proud of the team’s success this season and are looking forward to seasons to come. “They played a good season, and I can’t wait to see what they do next year!” Sophomore Bethany Gardner said. “It was a fun run. The football was awesome. I’m definitely going to miss it!” Senior Ellie Abney said about her final season watching Rebel football. Comments? jrobinson.cc.2011@gmail.com

WINTER SPORTS WATCH THURSDAY, Dec. 2--

2:45 P.M. GIRLS VARSITY BASKETBALL VS. SMOKY HILL 4:00 P.M. BOYS LEVEL LLL BASKETBALL VS. LITTLETON 5:30 P.M. BOYS JV BASKETBALL VS. LITTLETON 7:00 P.M. BOYS VARSITY BASKETBALL VS. LITTLETON

FRIDAY, DEC. 3--

3:30 P.M. BOYS VARSITY ICE HOCKEY VS. VALOR CHRISTIAN 4:00 P.M. GIRLS VARSITY SWIMMING VS. POMONA TBA GIRLS VARSITY BASKETBALL @ ROCK CANYON INVITE TBA BOYS VARSITY WRESTLING @ MOUNTAIN VISTA DUALS

SATURDAY, DEC. 4--

8

TBA GIRLS VARSITY BASKETBALL @ ROCK CANYON INVITE TBA BOYS VARSITY BASKETBALL @ ROCK CANYON INVITE TBA BOYS VARSITY WRESTLING @ MOUNTAIN VISTA DUALS TBA BOYS JV WRESTLING @ POMONA TBA GIRLS VARSITY SWIMMING @ D’EVELYN INVITE

TUESDAY, DEC. 7--

4:00 P.M. BOYS LEVEL III BASKETBALL @ MOUNTAIN VISTA 4:00 P.M. GIRLS VARSITY SWIMMING @ JEFFCO RELAYS 5:00 P.M. GIRLS VARSITY BASKETBALL VS. POUDRE 5:30 P.M. BOYS JV BASKETBALL @ MOUNTAIN VISTA 7:00 P.M. BOYS VARSITY BASKETBALL @ MOUNTAIN VISTA

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 8-- 5:30 P.M. GIRLS JV BASKETBALL @ LITTLETON 5:30 P.M. GIRLS LEVEL III BASKETBALL @ LITTLETON 7:00 P.M. GIRLS VARSITY BASKETBALL @ LITTLETON 7:30 P.M. BOYS VARSITY ICE HOCKEY @ CHATFIELD

SATURDAY, DEC. 11--

8:00 A.M. BOYS VARSITY WRESTLING VS. COLUMBINE INVITATIONAL 9:00 A.M. GIRLS VARSITY SWIMMING @ STANDLEY LAKE 8:30 P.M. BOYS VARSITY ICE HOCKEY @ DAKOTA RIDGE compiled by jenni robinson

november 2010


sports

in motion

Set for success

Senior Amanda Bloom commits to playing volleyball at UNK

an outside hitter, is recognized as an outstanding offensive player. This season, she led the conferOn Wednesday, November 10, ence with 230 kills and 713 attack Senior Amanda Bloom signed her attempts. She is also a skilled deletter of intent to play volleyball for fensive player, having posted 35 the University of Nebraska at Kearsolo blocks this season. ney. The excitement took A spot Kearney’s volover as she signed the paleyball team is not all pers, and the room, filled I am very proud of Amanda and Bloom has to show for with her family, coaches, her achievements in voland Columbine athletic her opportunity to play college leyball. She captained the staff members, erupted volleyball starting next fall at varsity squad this year, in applause. received academic all“I am very excited to the University of Nebraska at state honors twice in her join a competitive winKearney. high school career, and ning team,” Bloom said. “I was awarded the honor am also happy with how -Athletic Director Mr. Woytek of a spot on the Colorado far I have come and how Coaches for Girls Sports much I will improve in all-state team. Bloom was UNK.” Mr. Woytek, Athletic Direc- our coaching staff here at Colum- also a first-team all-league selection, an enormous honor for any tor, could not hide the wide smile bine High School.” Bloom has played volleyball at high school athlete. drawn across his face. “I am very Bloom will be joining a winproud of Amanda and her oppor- Columbine for four years. Bloom, tunity to play college volleyball starting next fall at the University of Nebraska at Kearney,” Woytek said. “She has worked the past four years to accomplish this feat, making it a positive reflection on

daniel bernal and abbey borchers

november 2010

Senior Amanda Bloom smiles at her signing ceremony. The volleyball star traded her Rebel gear for Loper (Antelope) attire as she committed to the University of Nebraska, Keaney . photo by daniel bernal

ning team at Kearney, whose volleyball team is currently ranked 10th and is heading into the NCAA Division II Tournament for the 12th straight season. Kearney has a history of winning, with a winning record of almost 78 percent. With 1,179

wins from their beginnings as a program through the 2009 season, they are also one of the winningest teams in NCAA Division II volleyball. Comments? aborchers.cc.2011@gmail.com or dbernal.cc.2011@gmail.com

9


culture shock

your style scene idea of fun

. . . Infant beavers are called kittens . . . The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean . . . Women’s hearts beat faster than men’s . . .

No trivial matter Trivia Bowl is back and better than ever

abbey borchers Resident trivia buffs Mr. Smith and Mr. Welsh are sharing their love of trivia with students one question at a time. Trivia Bowl, sponsored and run by both Smith and Welsh, is a Columbine tradition which is quickly gaining popularity among students. About four times per semester, Smith and Welsh plan on holding a Trivia Bowl in which teams of students compete against each other to earn the most points by answering a variety of trivia questions correctly. Two Trivia Bowls have already taken place, both this November. The opening Trivia Bowl on

the 9th saw the Commons packed with students, setting a precedent in Trivia Bowl history. There was an impressive turnout of 12 teams of six or fewer members. Trivia Bowl fosters friendly rivalry between students and breeds healthy competition. “You actually learn something from it and it’s fun!” Junior Sevan Strait said. “Trivia Bowl is great because you get to hang out with friends and quench nerdy thirsts,” Junior Lauren Bezzant said. Trivia Bowl is played by a strict set of rules: no use of electronic devices for assistance and all answers are final. Trash talk is expected. Smith reads the questions, students have the length of one song to provide Welsh with and

answer and all teams who answer correctly receive a certain amount of points based on the difficulty of the question. From world capitals to presidents to box office records, students must know a wide variety of obscure facts and figures to be competitive in the tournaments. For example, members of team We’re Better Than Welsh memorized lists of Olympic cities and years, World Series winners, box office rankings, and presidential facts to prepare. The atmosphere of the tournaments is very competitive. “It’s an intense experience,” Strait said. Junior Tyler Stringer agreed. “It was intense. We were in last place until the last question. Then

A team scratches its collective head trying to come up with the complicated answer to a music-based trivia question. The November 18 Trivia Bowl pitted teams of students against each other for lavish prizes. photo by heidi roberts

we were in second-to-last!” Stinger said of the November 18th tournament. It’s this competitive nature of Trivia Bowl which keeps students coming back for more. “Trivia Bowl

is my favorite extracurricular activity. I just really enjoy all the trash talking, music and, of course, trivia,” Senior Mick Redlinger said. Comments? aborchers.cc.2011@gmail.com

A skawesome experience The tale of a ska fan’s triumphs and misfortunes at Reel Big Fish vs. Aquabats

trevor ogborn If you have never listened to Reel Big Fish or The Aquabats, you ought to! I’ve been a fan years now. In fact, The Aquabats were my doorway into realm of ska, a genre which was the little-known precursor to Reggae. On Wednesday, November 10, I had the opportunity to see them, alongside Reel Big Fish and another ska band, The Suburban Legends, in concert. This was going to be my first major concert, with only a mellow Flogging Molly concert at Red Rocks under my belt, and I was psyched. I passed the yellow-jacketed officials and into the Ogden. Weaving in between the short, the tall, the thin, the wide, and a plethora of personalities our little crowd of friends scoped out a place to establish our group within the crowd. Now I have been warned about moshing for years, but after having tips and pointers, I felt like it was my duty to mosh. And so we moved our little way to the front pit where moshing is almost mandatory. Now it was time to size up the place. The pit was fairly roomy, as was the rest of the music hall, with plenty room to skank (that’s how you dance to ska, which basi-

10

cally involves rhythmic kicking). The stage was packed with band gear, boxes of water bottles and a decent-sized red backdrop built on black spray-painted pvc pipe frame. Sewn into the backdrop was the opening band’s name. Koo Koo Kangaroo? Wow, this is going to be . . . interesting. Minutes later, two college-age guys came

bounding out to heavy techno music. Overanimatedly, these two played selections, including “Rollin’ in the Minivan,” “Awesome Rainbows,” and the like. Their goofy demeanor along with dance moves reminiscent of pre-school quickly warmed up a skeptical crowd, which con-

sisted mostly of stud-ridden belts, hard-core piercings and mohawks. With their show finished and no moshing under my belt (you can’t mosh effectively while listening to two twenty-some yearolds singing about rainbows and gumdrops), I was a little disappointed. So I was relieved when the second

band, The Suburban Legends, began to set up and as people crowded toward the stage, but my skanking space was slowly infringed upon by guys at least twice my weight. I began to see where this was going. The front pits had become perfect breeding grounds for moshing. All I knew

about moshing was that it would be a fatal mistake to go down, and that’s about it. The Ogden quickly went from mildly spacey to packed from wall to wall. Nevertheless, I was pumped for the real music to begin. And then the music came like a crushing wave. Well, actually, that was the moshers breaking out into madness to the sound of music. The Suburban Legends quickly took control of the crowd. Lyrics belted from a hundred score gullets singing echoed in my ears as a throbbing knot of sweaty angry moshers broke out nearby. I saw one of my friends get sucked in. Another turned to me and screaming over the madness told me, “Just keep your fists up by your chest like a boxer.” Then he shoved me into mass. My best description of the inside of a mosh pit is that it is like being a pinball surrounded by enraged paddles with only centimeters of space to move; you are tossed around a lot. Once in the mosh pit, you become a victim to the riptide of hands shoving and pulling at you and you become a part of one large mass, swaying in all directions as dictated by the larger fellows in the crowd. As told, I kept my arms poised for see

SKAWESOMEon page 11

november 2010


entertainment

culture shock

SKAWESOME

continued from page 10

&ODVVHVKHOGRYHU :LQWHU%UHDNLQRXUQHDUE\ 0RUULVRQORFDWLRQ

november 2010

OUT

THIS WEEK

IN THEATERS

The Expendables

Tangled

Lennon Naked

The Nutcracker 3D The Legend of Pale Male The King’s Speech Truth in Numbers ON DVD Batman Beyond: The Complete Series Countdown to Zero

full intensity, things got a bit crazy. After being crushed up against a metal barrier fence and saving a kid from his failed attempt at crowd surfing, I was finally spat out from the belly of the beast. The reek of sweat and smoke hit me like a punch to the gut. It probably didn’t help that a larger fellow came careening out of the mosh pit and crashed into me, knocking the wind out of me. I stumbled out of the crowd and towards the edge of the front pit. My friend came into my sight, standing there dazed, with another companion next to him keeping a watchful eye. Dizzy and confused, I myself wasn’t doing too well. My friend looked over at me worriedly and quickly asked if I was okay. All I could do at this point was bob my head left to right. On the verge of puking, I had to get away from the smoke and moshing. I fumbled my way towards the stairs up to the upper theater, where the air was fresher. Blocked. I made it up by the upper bar and started down the stairwell down to the entrance area, where doors would be supplying cold fresh air. I got down the stairs, my friends right behind me, only to find that the entrance had a thick green fog of condensed smoke. I took one breath and turned around,

The Disappearance of Alice Creed Vampires Suck (Bite Me Edition) Luther Liverpool The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

NEW RELEASES 11/23 - 11/30

defense. The crushing knot of people tossed me about. I was never in the same place for more than a split second, stepping my way between, through, and into people on all sides just to stay afloat in the sea of body odor and ska fanatics. On stage music blasted as animated band members performed. My personal favorites: the horn line. In wicked uniformity the ‘bone player along with trumpet line blasted riffs while performing well-choreographed skanking. With the classy touch of suit vests and skinny ties, the group broke out in entertaining rhythm and dance. Between jazz stepping across stage and horn tosses, they put on a great show. Using question/answer lyrical engagement in the music performed, the singer was able to gain the attention of an otherwise uncontrollable crowd. On the verge of serious dehydration from skanking and moshing and with The Suburban Legends done, I moved to the back bar to get water. After chugging it, I moved out and made my way back through the thoroughly packed theater and down to the mosh zone where my thirsty companions awaited. The only problem with leaving your spot in an inactive mosh pit is that as soon as you leave, someone occupies that spot and a wall of people forms. If a skinny fellow such as I can’t wedge my way through a mass of people, you know it’s a dense crowd. With The Aquabats about to begin,

things started to get tense with anticipation. This was the band I was here to see, the spark that kindled the ska in my soul. But stuck on the outskirts, the stage was hidden by the massive speakers, I was not in the optimal position to see the performance of the key band present. Not good! With the countdown active, there were only seconds before they took the stage. Five, four, three, two, and a terrifying, shirtless, two-hundred pound man charged from next to me into the crowd, cutting a large gash into the impenetrable cluster of fans. One. And I was in, just in time to see The Aquabats take the stage and open up into their first song, “Fashion Zombies.” Their show was epic. The Aquabats’ music errs on the side of ridiculous. As a whole, their style is ebullient, excessive by some standards, but the essence of their music is jubilant sax riffs and buoyant synth runs. They filter that energy right into their performances. While energetically treading the dance ridden stage, they demand and draw the attention of the crowd. About halfway through their show I decided to throw in the white flag. After straight moshing for about ninety percent of the concert thus far I was feeling sick, dehydrated and all skanked out. From the moment The Aquabats took the stage until I called it quits, the crowd had gotten even more dense and the moshing more extreme. With the knot of ladies and gents swaying at

ready to puke. I looked up to my friends and told them to just go back. Reel Big Fish had started their performance. While I couldn’t see much of their performance, boy did I hear it. Reel Big Fish plays somewhat explicit music with catchy call-and-answer lyrical structure. Musically, they are very upbeat yet their lyrics oppose their happy tonality. With songs with titles such as “Everything Sucks” and “Sell Out,” they have major contradictions between their music and their lyrics. I made my way down to the edge of the pit so I could at least watch. Gently head bobbing and spacing out, the concert began to draw out painfully. Reel Big Fish has a massive line up of songs, and they utilized it. Towards the end, even the most dedicated Reel Big Fish fan in our group was beginning to wish it was over. And when it finally was, it was a huge relief. My friends and I worked our way back to the entrance and out into the brisk November air. Half dead and on the verge of reencountering my dinner, I made my way to the getaway vehicle and took off for home. Comments? togborn.cc.2011@gmail.com

11


r

adical ebel

Top Ten

top ten kizzle & tizzle rebel yell

Useless Phobias . . .

- Fear of garlic. “No more Olive Garden? Where will we 10 eatAlliumphobia for Homecoming?!?” - Fear of gravity. “Looks like moon boots has a key 9 Barophobia demographic.” - Fear of long words. “Really? 8 Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia . . . Really?” - Fear of seeing. “When there are people walking 7 Ithyphallophobia around in spandex out there, it’s easy to identify with.” 6 Chilephobia - Fear of chewing gum. “Don’t reach under your desk.” 5 Botanophobia - Fear of plants. “Don’t watch The Happening.” Fear of washing or bathing. “Chances are everyone else is frightened by you.” 4 AblutophobiaFear of bald people. “Essays are no longer the scariest 3 Peladophobiapart of Pruett and Webb’s classes.” 2 Sophophobia - Fear of learning. “That explains 60% of the country . . .”

and the number one useless phobia . . .

Kizzle & Tizzle

If you could create a new ice cream flavor, what would it be? K: I want Energy Ice Cream invented! Monster ice cream or Red Bull ice cream would great for all night study gigs. All the buzz, but none of the nagging urge to go to the bathroom! T: You know how they did a pumpkin blizzard for Halloween? Well, in honor of Thanksgiving I would go with a turkey and gravy blizzard. Seriously, how good would that taste?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? T: Forget Chuck Norris! How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Woody Kincaid? Let me tell you something about Woody: he is so fast he can rub two ice cubes together and start a fire.

What is memory?

your

favorite

Thanksgiving

K: Thanksgiving Eve, all the Leyba and Tonelli kids get together to “shape” the Tofurkey as we call it. The kids surround the table with eyes all a-twinkle because in the middle of the table is a 10 pound mound of NoFoo brand Tofu. The big kids get first stab at the pile. They poke and they slice. They fork and claw the defenseless pile of lifeless sustaining, chameleon dough.

What instrument would you play if you were in marching band? K: First of all, Marching Band is a cult! They would make me play the tuba because of my size. They would assume a “husky” fella like myself could easily carry a 25lb Tuba. I also learned that the band members can only date within their species. Crossing a band kid with say a choir kid could potentially create some mutant, multi talented, ultra handsome, Leo Geoghegan sort of a thing.

Is there anyone you would like to apologize to? K: My Honors classes. I referred to them as “underwear folders” because many of them are slightly anal retentive. They are annoyed if I staple their papers with the pages misaligned or If I have only 11 questions on a quiz. For the love of mankind, don’t ever haphazardly erase the white board and leave bits of writing! Jacob was worried about his underwear being wrinkly. Hello? T: Scott Thomas and Rick Anderson because I was a jerk to them in last month’s newspaper. The entire social studies department because they have to put up with my lack of professionalism every day. My sociology classes for having to tolerate my white board screeching. My parents for my ungratefulness. My kids for spending their college money on lotto tickets and my wife for having to be married to a man like me. Was this supposed to make me feel better?

1 Basophobia - Fear of walking. “The best way to stay in shape.” Rebel Yell: Only 14 more school days until winter break!

Rebel Hell: College costs a fortune before you’re even accepted: $60 application fee, $10 ACT score fee, $5 transcript fee, etc.

Columbine Salutes: Canada, for their upcoming adaptation of the classy pop culture phenomenon Jersey Shore, titled “Lake Shore.”

Quote of the Month: “I believe in the future we will live in pods.” - Mr. Friesen to AP English class

On this day: November 23rd: National Cashew Day 12

HORRORSCOPE: SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21) ASTROLOGIST: LAUREN ELDER

MONTHLY PREDICTION: YOU WILL FINALLY RECEIVE YOUR ACCEPTANCE LETTER FROM HOGWART’S SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY; TOO BAD THE OWL DELIVERING IT WAS LOST IN A STORM AND THE RSVP IS 6 YEARS TOO LATE. AVOID ENCOUNTERS WITH PEOPLE IN UGG BOOTS. YOUR INNER POWER ANIMAL IS A PLATYPUS. WHERE YOU’LL BE IN 10 YEARS: AT PRECISELY 4 P.M. ON A SUNDAY

EVENING YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT YOU HAVE THE

ABILITY TO TELEPATHICALLY COMMUNICATE WITH ANIMALS.

YOU WILL USE THIS TALENT TO

BECOME THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS PET PSYCHIC UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO USE YOUR GIFT FOR EVIL AND AMASS AN ARMY OF ADORABLE WOODLAND CREATURES TO HELP YOU TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

november 2010

38.3 November 2010 Courier  

38.3 November 2010 Courier