months since Melanie dumped you and I need you off my couch, bro!—is that you promised we were going to steal a Mind Wiper. You said you desired that you and her become better strangers!” “What I meant, obviously, is that I wanted her to become a stranger to the me now. By going back in time and starting the relationship over from the beginning, then I’ll be able to realize my true desire: nonstop banging!” “Dude, that’s dumb!” “You’re dumb!” “There’s all kinds of love in the world, man. And let’s be honest here, Melanie was not that hot.” “Dude!” “Can I say something?” mustered the scientist. “Shut up, nerd!” screamed Shades. “You’ll be dead soon anyway! But don’t worry, you’ll be going to hell with a companion—this jabroni, if he keeps screwing around like a punk-ass bitch!” “Me a jabroni!?” marveled Helmet. “I’m the one whose been screwing around? Look at yourself ! What do the shades do? The camo isn’t for fashion bro, the whole point is not to be seen and remembered!” “Bro, I look fucking amazing, okay?” “Dude, that’s not the point! Okay? This is why Melanie left you, okay? A time machine’s not gonna help you with that!” “Dude!” “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, you’re right. That’s not your real shortcoming. But it’s not like a time machine is going to help you fix that either,” said Helmet as he pointed to his crotch. “Duuuuude!” said Shades, this time aiming his laser rifle. “Not cool. My dick ain’t the issue.” “Look bro, I’m just ridin’ you.” Helmet chuckled. “Like Melanie doesn’t do anymore!” Shades fired a laser beam at Helmet’s feet that scorched the chrome. Helmet leapt back. “Okay okay okay. The whole point is that you aren’t going to find an easy answer here. Okay? It’s over. Find that Mind Wiper. Forget about her. And move on.” “Your friend is right,” said the scientist. “But also… wrong.” “Dude…” said Helmet softly. “There are no easy answers in love. But the Mind Wiper is an easy answer too. Whether magic tricks or
cheap literary clichés, the fast, painless solution is not one at all. Maybe you don’t have the same love twice, but so what? Maybe that’s a good thing; maybe the first love was garbage, you ever think of that? And do you know what it means to become better strangers? It doesn’t mean to forget, it means to move on with your life. Maybe you won’t find the answer out there in the new, but you surely won’t find it clinging to the old.” The scientist coughed blood onto the floor.
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by Christina Lamoureux