FIVE Key Tips
How to fight and beat bitterness
you to pay attention), and it was clear to me that it was time to stop pouting and to cling tightly to Him. It did not mean that the pain “See to it that no one comes short of the was over, but my giving into it needed to be. grace of God; that no root of bitterness 4. Keep your hurt private, but not comspringing up causes trouble, and by it many pletely to yourself. There is equal danger in be defiled...” — Hebrews 12:15 keeping your hurt to yourself and in oversharing. A few trusted friends can go a long way in Bitterness. It is such a sneaky little weed. It healing. Dealing with hurt alone can lead to curls upward and outward. When given light bitterness because there is no one outside of and nourishment, it spreads its roots like clover, interweaving across our lives and imbedding in your own shattered thoughts to speak wisdom our hearts. Bitterness can cause so much pain. to you. But, in the same way, talking to the All of us have been wronged at some point wrong person can be detrimental to whatever in our lives, some of us by those we love most, relationship you’re working on. There is a sick whether they be our spouse, our parents, side of humanity that likes things to be broken, friends, or even children. In this fallen world Bethany Riehl that finds sport in others’ misery. It makes us there is no shortage of pain and hurt. I’ve been feel better about our own problems. Family will thinking of things that I’m trying to do (and things I’ve failed naturally want to side with the one they love and in general be to do) to keep bitterness from taking root and wreaking havoc offended for you. Nothing but nothing helps bitterness grow on my life and the lives of those around me. I’ve narrowed my like one of your own agreeing with you in your anger. scattered thoughts into five key ways to combat bitterness. I The best kind of friend or loved one is one that will listen hope this can help you today, my friend. and hurt with you without nourishing your resentment. They 1. Pray. Pray for those who have hurt you. Even if it starts will pray with you, speak Scripture to you, hug you, and enas, “Lord, this person is awful. I can’t find love for them in my courage the healing of your relationship. They will not bash heart...” Allow God to take your prayer and turn it into caring the one that hurt you. for the person you are angry with. Repeat daily — hourly if I think in this same category I can touch on guarding your necessary — until it doesn’t hurt to pray for this person any relationship. This might involve skipping out on certain outings longer. because faking happiness isn’t going to be a good call. I will 2. In your anger do not sin. It is so easy when someone warn you now that friends and family won’t always understand has wronged us to justify hurting them back. Being mistreated this, but it is just a season and they will survive. Sometimes is not an open invitation to misbehave in any capacity. Angry healing a relationship, especially a marriage, is more important words heaved at someone without regard for how they will jab than making those outside of it happy. and damage, retaliation for the hurt, spreading lies or gos5. Examine yourself and repent. A friend of mine once sip about the one we’re angry with — all are without excuse. said something incredibly profound that greatly resonated with Nothing that is done to you justifies sinning yourself. You and me. She shared with me the impact pornography has had on you alone are responsible for your actions. her marriage and with great grace she said, “I have done more 3. Grieve. Mourn. Pout. And be ready to stop when it’s time. I once experienced a season of pouting after a seri- damage to my marriage with the seemingly small daily slights than my husband has done in one big blow.” Ouch. I had to ous hurt in my life. My particular expression of pouting was really take that in and think on it. Even if we are hurting from eating ice cream and watching TV during naptime instead something big, the offender is almost never alone in his or of getting anything done. I cried, oh how I cried. I avoided her sin. My favorite marriage quote that I think can extend to my Bible (red flag, friends!). I kept things picked up, but failed friends and family and anyone that you might be tempted to to be on top of real housework; our laundry pile was simply be bitter against is this: “A happy marriage is the union of two appalling. And our gracious Lord let me pout for a good, long good forgivers.” — Ruth Bell Graham time. Until one evening while my husband was at work, God Bitterness is something we rarely think about these days made it very clear to me that enough was enough. except in the context of the right balance of flavors in a meal. After I put my kids to bed, I was once again headed for the And therein lies a danger. It is a silent cancer that eats away at ice cream when bits of a passage from Deuteronomy 30 hit me like lightning: “Moreover, the LORD your God will circumcise your the most wonderful relationships, weakening love and forgiveness and grace before you even realize it’s there. If we can but heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the LORD your God with stop it before it spreads, we can conquer so much. all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live...For this com“Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” mandment which I command you today is not too difficult for you, nor is it out of reach...See I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death — Psalm 34:14 n and adversity...I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I Bethany Riehl loves to write stories and articles that explore the complexihave set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the LORD ties of relationships and encourage readers in their relationship with Jesus. She joyfully serves in the children’s ministry at her church, teaches at a your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him...” homeschool co-op, and drinks more coffee than necessary to keep up with her This was my moment with the Lord. He might do it differonly-slightly-crazy life. She is the author of four Christian fiction novels ently for you. But this passage kept coming back to me over and now lives in Meridian with her spunky kids and very handsome hubby. and over for the next week (God is repetitive when He wants By Bethany Riehl
26 March / April 2020 | Christian Living
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