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artist opportunities calendar. Awards/Competitions

Deadline: September 1 ARDOR’s Fall Flash Fiction Contest. $200 award. flash-fiction-contest.html Deadline: September 1 Asymptote Translation Contest. $1,000 award. www. Deadline: September 1 William Hazlitt Essay Prize. £15,000 award. www.nottinghilleditions. com/essay-prize Deadline: September 7 ING Discerning Eye 2013. £5,000 award. Deadline: September 7 Wells Art Contemporary Open 2013. £1,000 award. www. Deadline: September 12 The New English Art Club Open Exhibition 2013. £5,000 award. exhibitions.asp

No date listed Thomas J. Hrushka Memorial Nonfiction Prize. Award $1,000 and publication in Passages North.


September 2 Shu Lea Cheang: Art, Queer Technologies and Social Interference (Artist Talk). London, England. September 7 the ball ZINE BLITZ. Gorman House Art Centre. Braddon, Australia. events/1408030849410081/ September 28 Seek & Zine: Bicycle Scavenger Hunt. Abq, New Mexico. http:// October 5 Richmond Zine Fest. Richmond, Virginia. http://richmondzinefest. org

Deadline: September 15 Rosebud Fiction Award. $1,000 award.

October 5-6 Abq Zine Fest. Abq, New Mexico.

Deadline: September 15 SLAMbassadors UK. www. competitions/rise/

October 26 Mid-Michigan Zine Fair. Greater Lansing, Michigan. http:// info

Deadline: September 30 2013 Red Hen Press Poetry Award. $1,000 award. awards-2/rpa/ No date listed Elinor Benedict Poetry Prize. Award $1,000 and publication in Passages North. submissions/



Deadline: September 1 A.I.R. Vallauris. (All). Vallauris, France. Deadline: September 1 FLACC Open Call. (All). Genk, Belgium. opencall

Deadline: September 1 Guapamacataro Art and Ecology Center Interdisciplinary Residency. (All). Maravatio, Mexico. http:// residency/ Deadline: September 1 Keyholder Residency Program. (Printmaking). New York, NY. KeyholderResidences/ Deadline: September 1 Kimmel Harding Nelson Center for the Arts Residency. (All). Nebraska City, Nebraska. www. Deadline: September 1 Pilotenkueche A.I.R. (All). Ieipzig, Germany. home/ Deadline: September 1 Printmaking Special Artist Residency. (Printmaking). Puebla or Oaxaca, Mexico. www.arquetopia. org Deadline: September 2 Glass Artists: Stephen Proctor Residency 2014. (Glass). Canberra, Australia. glass/stephen-procter-fellowship Deadline: September 2 Sublet Series: Co-op. (Performance Art). New York, NY. programs/subletseries/ Deadline: September 2 The Bronx Museum of the Arts. (All). Bronx, New York. www.

artist opportunities calendar (con’t). Deadline: September 3 Caetani Cultural Centre C3 SelfDirected Artist Residencies. (Art and Writing). Vernon, British Columbia, Canada. http://

Deadline: September 15 Fiskars Village Artist in Residence Call for Artists 2014. (Art). Fiskars, Finland. forms/d/1pABeYTdVheCsqdFmnO Dkib0VHdqJlgjBKbVkwMAswDU/ viewform

Deadline: September 3 Pyramid Atlantic Denbo Residency. (Printmaking, Paper Arts, Book Arts). Silver Spring, Maryland. www. programs/denbo.html

Deadline: September 15 Largo Das Artes Carnival Residency Program. (All). Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Deadline: September 8 Flat Time House Phynance Residency. (All). London, UK. www. Deadline: September 9 Japan Image Council Animatiion Artist in Residence Tokyo 2014. (Animations). Tokyo, Japan. http:// Deadline: September 10 Kran Film Resident. (Film, Video Art). Brussels, Belgium. http:// Deadline: September 13 Arteles - Silence. Awareness. Existence. (Visual Arts, Media Art, Sound, Design, Architecture). Haukijarvi, Finland. www.arteles. org/sae_residency.html Deadline: September 13 White Building/Eyebeam Residency Program 2014. (All). London and New York. get-involved-residencies/calls/ open-call-white-buildingeyebeamresidency-program-2014

Deadline: September 16 Sacatar Fellowships 2014. (Dance and Choreography). Itaparica, Brazil. Deadline: September 23 Sam and Adele Golden Foundation for the Arts. (All). New Berlin, NY. Deadline: September 27 Arteles Creative Residency Program. (Visual, Music and Sound, Performing Arts, Literature, Philosophy). Kameenkyro, Finland. residency.html Deadline: September 30 Art & History Museum Maitland A & H Museums. (All). Maitland, Florida. Deadline: September 30 Bemis Center for Contemporary Arts. (All). Omaha, Nebraska. residency_info.html Deadline: September 30 Shame: Open Call for Artist in Residence Program. (All). Ljubljana, Zagreb.


September 1 Red Savina Review. (Writing). www.

September 15 The Harbinger. (Writing). http:// September 30 Kill Your Darlings. (Writing). www. submissions/ Anytime 491 Magazine. (Art, poetry). submission-guidelines/ Anytime Anobium. (Writing). anobiumlit. com/submit/ Anytime The Bad Version. (Writing). Anytime Barrelhouse: The Comedy Issue. (Writing). www.barrelhousemag. com/submissions/the-comedyissue/ Anytime Belle Reve Literary Journal. (Writing). www.bellerevejournal. com Anytime Boston Poetry Magazine. (Poetry). Anytime Death Throes. (Writing). www. Anytime Diabolique Magazine. (Writing). submissions/ Anytime Élan Magazine. (Art, Writing).


artist opportunities calendar (con’t). Anytime Empty Mirror Books. (Writing).

Anytime POC Zine Project. (Zines). http://

Anytime Spilt Magazine. (Writing, video).

Anytime Fiction Magazines. (Fiction). www.

Anytime Poydras Review. (Art, writing). submit

Anytime Streetlight. (Art, writing). http://

Anytime Filling Station. (Art, Writing). www. Anytime Fjords Review. (Art, writing). www. Anytime FRiGG. (Writing). www. editors39.htm Anytime Jiggered. (Art, writing). www. Anytime litbomb. (Writing). www.litbomb. Anytime Literati Magazine. (Art, writing). Anytime Moonshot. (Art, writing). submissions/

Anytime Recess Magazine. (Writing). http:// Anytime Retort. (Art, music, writing, video). submission-guidelines/ Anytime Roadside Fiction. (Writing). Anytime Rum Punch Press. (Writing). www. Anytime Salford Zine Library (Zines). http:// Anytime Silent Things. (Art, Writing).

Anytime smoking glue gun. (Art, writing).

Anytime OVS. (Art, writing).

Anytime Spaces Lit. (Art, video, writing).

Anytime Pithead Chapel. (Writing). 4

Anytime Tincture Journal. (Writing). http:// Anytime The View From Here. (Fiction). Anytime The Voices Project (Writing). w html Anytime Word Riot. (Writing). www.wordriot. org/submissions

Anytime Slings and Arrows. (Writing).

Anytime Nostrovia! www.nostroviatowriting. com/publishing-opportunities.html

Anytime Passages North. (Writing).

Anytime Sword and Saga Press. (Writing). Submissions.php

Anytime The Speculative Edge (Sci fi, horror, fantasy). thespeculativeedge/submissions

If you would like to see your opportunity in The Bitchin’ Kitsch next month, please email the details to

brooke newman. about b’k:

the bitchin’ kitsch is a zine for artists, poets, prose writers, or anyone else who has something to say. it exists for the purpose of open creativity. if you have something you want to share, please email it to are you a video or music artist? submit your youtube link or original file to all submissions are due on the 26th for the following month’s issue.


have a seriously bitchin’ idea that could make the bitchin’ kitsch that much better? we want to hear from you. email with your ideas.

community copies:

sit down and read the bitchin’ kitsch at our community locations: zest, the smith scarabocchio art museum, epic studios tattooing and piercing, the coffee studio, and noel fine arts center. want to house a community copy? email chris@


the bitchin’ kitsch is offering crazy low rates of $5 for a fourth-page ad, $10 for a half-page ad, and $20 for a full page ad. book yours today by emailing

Dana and Chris Brooke Newman Photograph


we love our donors. If you would like to become a donor, email and make your pledge.


the bitchin’ kitsch content september 2013

Unclear (Nuclear) - Julie Sittler


Artist Opportunities Dana and Chris - Brooke Newman Colors and Dark Shadows Danielle Dragona Gaylord and Curt, Missouri Mike Cluff Mirror - Sy Roth Untitled Sailboat #4 -Jameson Stewart

Brooke Newman - pg. 11

Andrew Peterson from OVER NIGHT EMPIRE - pg. 13

Sweet Meets Sweet and Sour Robert Allen Beckvall The Queen’s Jubilee - kaleeM rajA

2-4 5

7 7 8 8

9 9

on the front cover:

Wrath - Mandal Bijoy Beg Untitled - Laine Jewell


Julie Sittler Silk-screened bomb shelter plans on kiln cast glass sitting on a hand-stitched subdivision table cloth with fighter planes and battleship trim

Spider and Fly: Collaborations and Works from Louis and Roo - Roo Bardookie and Louis Marvin Warning: Soppy Love Scribble! Afzal Moolla


Ellie - Brooke Newman


Corn - Jan Haskell


Scarecrow Bits - Andrew Peterson of OVER NIGHT EMPIRE


Our Cells - Anthony Ward


Big Brother/Big Sister - Kenneth Abraham Darkness - Douglas Polk


I’ll Carry On - Joshua Marshall


The great taproot - Dawnell Harrison


Unclear (Nuclear)

on the inside back cover: Absurd Worm

Kandra Shefchik Oil painting

the bitchin’ kitsch video and music issue:

Check out this month’s “issue” link of video and music at or

Monster 7/13/13 - Chris TalbotHeindl Donors and Index Absurd Worm - Kandra Shefchik





16 16 17

danielle dragona, mike cluff. Colors and Dark Shadows By: Danielle Dragona

When I was a kid of three or four, I recall playing numerous children’s games with my father, a tall, wellbuilt man with the shining eyes of a boy and the essence of a clown. Countless hours would slip away like sand, vanishing like phantoms, laughter buzzing in our ears as the morning sped on like a sprinter. Ephemeral flashes of moments eternally lost to the sequence of time only to be relived through a maze of memories that lingers on. The game of choice between my Father and I was PickUp Sticks. I can still envision my tiny hands, soft like cotton, groping emphatically for those rainbow colored sticks that were strewn across the feathery rug with a passion only a child can possess. My father’s large and experienced hands moved unhurried and more deliberate, exhibiting a disciplined maturity that comes with time. I was like lightening and he was like a hushed rain on a summer’s day, energizing and renewing. How foolish was I to believe that this moment was reality, something I could hold onto tomorrow or even in the next second, something my heart would be able to find solace in? Instead, I found hours of darkness, lying in bed, listening to the hostile words that exploded like landmines, words that were stifled and muffled from just beyond my bedroom door. I was a child and trust was my tragic flaw. Forgive me for being so naïve with limited wisdom of the “adult world.” When I evoke the days spent playing Pick-Up Sticks with my father, no longer do I imagine a trusting child, secure in the company of the first man she ever knew. I see a child forsaken by the first man she ever loved, left alone to fester the incessant ache of abandonment like a throbbing wound, harboring feelings of resentment and rage like a maelstrom, growing into a woman terrified to love. I was a ship adrift at sea, searching for a beacon of light to guide my battered ship back to shore, but I didn’t see the warm glow, I could only feel the icy touch of loneliness deep inside me. My purity was stolen from me like a thief in liquid night. I had my first taste of bitter pain on my sweet tongue that lost the ability to articulate the words it so desperately wanted to.

day, I gathered those brilliantly colored sticks in a tight bundle forever stowing them away in their aluminum container on a shelf that was dusty and difficult for my undersized arm to reach. In that container, I left a part of myself, the child that I no longer was, and would never be again.

Gaylord and Curt, Missouri By: Mike Cluff

The twins of the four really the runts of them all where St. Elmo’s Fire revolved around the Baptist and Unitarian churches’ spires, weather vanes, and sorghum fields always catfish then would pray in silence to a rain god under suspicion. Two other states stare back with jealousy and the need for more notoriety in their mewling eyes. When the cabbages finally talked to Milo in a langauge he halfway recalled from his days on the Neva River, a tympani beat down from the rotunda of a vaudeville theater praising a charlatan in puse who rode thunder across hayfields of unshorned gun magazines. Flugelhorns dwell in the branches of a short-tempered library Kayla needs some bluberries to offset the beasts of a maraginal war of boardom rattan sleeps all the time and Hector was once a centaur of maybe the classical sort.

After my father was gone, I suddenly felt so alone. One


sy roth, jameson stewart. Mirror

Untitled Sailboat #4

Mirror reflects counterfeit lovers. It begs veneration for torpid flesh. Newly windexed silver lake flickers where flames retreated, eyes drawn tight to blot out blemishes.

My heart has been sweetened By my hunger and undying Thirst for you Your lips gave my voice wings The words of my life I could never express Roll from your tongue Like a message in a bottle Lost in a violent sea And like the sea you call Me onto you

By: Sy Roth

His left eye peeks over at his lover’s face, then slams it bivalve shut. Her lids wrinkle tight, churlish mouth speechless, a schoolyard girl spurned. He folds his arms across his chest posed in death. Rhythms of neighbors pierce the room, banging walls in their angst, circumnavigating footfalls pound a carousel cadence, climaxes in relentless silence, Wuthering Heights moments. Halcyon days broadcast in oracular pronouncements, mirror’s oblivion road, bumping across a cobblestoned Roman iter. Imageless, they reside, chimerical characters, heart-galumphing, morse-coding their nomadic nows. No images echo back in mirror-canyon’s muteness, for mirrors have only voracious mouths.


By: Jameson Stewart

Finally the day of harvest arrives I climb the most tender branches Of your tree I collect the fruits from your body That I’ve waited so long for When my hands wander across Your mango skin I can remember each moon That passed as I waited You are a cherry tree that blossoms Unconditionally No matter whose land you dwell upon I drink from my miniature cup That collects the water of your little streams That flow through my body The second hand on my clock Saws through time Each moment that I’m not next to you Please don’t mistake these words My darling Mary! I know that two trees In each other’s shadow Cannot grow But love is eternity gazing at itself In a mirror Oh darling Mary! You are both eternity And the mirror

robert allen beckvall, kaleeM rajA. Sweet Meets Sweet and Sour

By: Robert Allen Beckvall

Like a company owner dreaming of future worlds in a Sludge-Bot factory office in San Diego, Johnny Sweet sweated and worked on cupcake creations in his humble store in Brooklyn. He dreamed of the day when if you said Sweet, you had visions of his beautiful creations in your head. For now, he had to rotate his creative ideas as the ingredients were cost prohibitive for a fledgling business. Johnny got his start making creations on an Easy Bake oven. He would have the run of his mother’s kitchen, and that little light bulb oven would fill the house with great smells. He constantly amazed his relatives when they came over.

“Guess grandma, guess what I put in it.”


His idea of a good time then was to put in great tasting stuff that was hard to pinpoint. He used yogurt, apple sauce, crushed cookies, candies and spices that should not fit, but did. Unknown to Johnny Sweet, a food critic had heard he had some genuine original creations and great tasting teas and coffees. The critic wrote on his blog site. This in turn was googled as NYC cupcakes by a Washington D.C. reporter who was following the President. There was an extra cupcake on the plane, and President Williams had a sweet tooth. Johnny was arranging cupcakes and walking back and forth from behind the glass counter to the front to see what his arrangements looked like. He had his back to the door when it opened. He turned around and thought he saw someone familiar.

“Good morning, do I know you?”

“Have you been watching the news?”

“What the hell? You’re that scientist from the United Nations deal!”

“Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Chef Johnny Sweet.”

“I’m Dr. Wang.”

“Wow, what are you doing here?”

“Johnny Sweet, would you believe that the President herself said that one of your cupcakes was like biting into a frosted cloud?”

“She said frosted cloud?”

“I made that up. She said it was great and it might be worth stopping by.”

“This is awesome!”

Johnny stepped around the counter and while he was watching Dr. Wang pick her cupcakes, he was already thinking about how he could use this in his marketing, which basically had no budget. “Johnny, I am a big believer in fate. And as fate would have it, a tasty comfort food like your cupcakes might fit the bill on these new frontiers I am heading up. I know I want a cupcake and some tea after having to kick ass and take names.”

“Dr. Wang, I would be honored.”

“Well, I have to taste them first. How about that “Wharton’s Syrup Surprise” and some hot green tea?” “There is this company in Arizona called Dandy Wharton’s Syrup and they make syrups from a lot of desert inspired ingredients. I called him up and said I would name some cupcakes after them and even try importing some of the syrups.”

“Well, let’s have a cupcake and talk about it.”

It was just Johnny in the store that day as he could only afford to hire part time help. They sat and talked about the E-R-* projects and how you would import cupcakes to space and under pressure in the ocean. This began the relationship between Sweet Cupcakes and the E-R-*. She bought two for the plane ride to her Sludge-Bot factory in California.

The Queen’s Jubilee By: kaleeM rajA

I don’t care it’s the queen’s jubilee. What’s the queen ever done for me?


mandal bijoy beg, laine jewell, roo bardookie and louis marvin. Wrath

By: Mandal Bijoy Beg Blowout! blowout! Why that fire? Is it due to the Oxygen In the air? Is social evil Oxygen to you? I will tame that fire. I will suck The Oxygen From the air; And the flames Must lose Their life-force And die down Spontaneously.


By: Laine Jewell The butter’s so hard you could drive a nail with it It’s damn cold in here


Spider and Fly: Collaborations and Works from Louis and Roo By: Roo Bardookie and Louis Marvin

Death of books skeleton. The forgotten feel of a book in hand Of a whetted finger turning a page Of going to the library like the great hunter for that game knowledge Lit like a sad nazi book burning or a religious fervor beatles record smash and trash for popularity reference no less They are going away like our minds This sad, noble creature who requires deep thought and time Yes, you can capture them in your phones and pads and laps tops pops A book in hand like father’s playboy collection found What great treasures transferred to cyberworld Like a mom and pop operations gone to a Walmart death and hell To the pretend world we fly The pretend mind die The pretend money buy The pretend bird fly The pretend truth lie Like a sun in a pretend sky The books are dying Professors are crying How will the mothers read to their children? The ghost mothers reading to the ghost children in the ghost world Where no old books gather dust.

afzal moolla, brooke newman. Warning: Soppy Love Scribble!

By: Afzal Moolla

Walk with me, in this crazy world, where hearts are casually broken, and kind words rarely spoken. Take my hand, on this highway of brittle glass,

Smile with me, as we walk hand in hand, as the ocean tickles our toes on the cool beach sand. Smile with me, and I shall smile too, we may not have much, but you will have all of me, and I will have all of you.

where love is traded like blue-chip shares, and bank-balances are coveted like priceless wares.

Ellie Brooke Newman Oil on canvas



jan haskell, andrew peterson of OVER NIGHT EMPIRE. Corn

By: Jan Haskell Another Sunday in Point. Yesterday was “Corn on the Curb.” Yes, only I could find a town that celebrates corn, and it is a big thing too. Up to a few years ago, the whole square, (which is where we celebrate all things) was a beer garden. Every one could get a “walking around” cup, and go wandering from one bar to the next or around listening to bands and eating corn. It is considered an amateur night. For many, the sole purpose is to drink — drink hard, drink fast. Four to five hours of this, starting in the resting sun, and up til the waning hour of the day. For many, the most they have eaten has been the cheap corn dipped in butter sold on the curb. Those that are not seasoned are quickly identified. For me, I wait til it’s over. By then, the crowds are thinning out, and by 11 p.m. the amateurs have moved along, as evident by the speckled remains on the sidewalk. By midnight, there are only a few hangerons. Those who wish to brag about what they don’t remember. There are only a few such days in the year considered “Amateur Nights.” Mostly these fall on international or national party days, 4th of July, St. Patties, etc. But then there are those Town celebrations, which are really just there for drinking, e.g. Corn.

Scarecrow Bits Andrew Peterson of OVER NIGHT EMPIRE Ink on paper


anthony ward, kenneth abraham, douglas polk. Our Cells

By: Anthony Ward Are we more and more boxed into our cells? Storing thoughts so we may be chargedLike batteries powering the economy? Has commercialism become a modern fallacy? Sworn by tellers of fortune Who foretell what we buy? Enticing us to procure things we don’t need In the hope they’ll improve our lookPrevent us from being cursed at in the street?

Big Brother / Big Sister By: Kenneth Abraham

What’s your hobby? What’s your joy? I bet you’d love mentoring a little girl or boy, A child far less fortunate than you have been, You could open to him or to her a whole new scene, I bet you’d have fun doing it, perhaps with your husband or your wife, What a great positive influence you could be in a youngster’s life! Only a relatively little time commitment is required, And so many kids could become so greatly inspired, Seriously, go for it, give it a shot, You may make a lifelong friend in that little tot!


By: Douglas Polk awake in the night, in the deep waters of darkness, weighed down, drowning in responsibilities, both real and imagined, anxiety growing with each passing minute, gigantic and insurmountable in the dark of the night, alone and adrift, but for the dog treading water at my feet, sentenced to be my cellmate, through this dark and endless night.


joshua marshall, dawnell harrison. I’ll carry on

By: Joshua Marshall I’ll carry on, through the fire. I’ll carry on, through the smoke. I’ll carry on, through the hatred. I’ll carry on, through the pain. I’ll carry on, through my heartbreak. I’ll carry on, through my agony. I’ll carry on, even though I’m bleeding. I’ll carry on, even though I’m wounded.

I’ll carry on, even though I’m broken. I’ll carry on, even though I’m empty. I’ll carry on, and my love will be my strength. I’ll carry on, and my love will be my light. Even though I may feel destroyed, even though I may feel shattered, I will not give up on my love, cause it’s that love that makes me who I am, and I will fight til my last breath for who I am.

The great taproot By: Dawnell Harrison

I can see the bottom – It is like a great taproot. I have been there before. I have suffered the brightness Of the color red – It moves a great sea Inside of me and is not Welcome in my house of sorrows. Everything is white and as sterile As a surgeon’s knife. The sound of the rain comes In a fantastical downpour Of astounded souls. I wish only for silence and blacknessEspecially the silence.


chris talbot-heindl, donors, index. artists Abraham, Ken


Andrew Peterson of OVER NIGHT EMPIRE


Bardookie, Roo


Beckvall, Robert Allen Beg, Mandal Bijoy


Dragona, Danielle


Harrison, Dawnell


Haskell, Jan


Jewell, Laine


Marshall, Joshua


Marvin, Louis


Moolla, Afzal

11 14

rajA, kaleeM


Roth, Sy


Sittler, Julie Stewart, Jameson

We love our donors, and to prove it, we’re going to let you know who they are. Without their generosity, the Bitchin’ Kitsch would probably not make it through the year. If you would like to become a donor and see your name here, email and make your pledge. acquaintences of the bitchin’ kitsch ($1-10) - Colin Bares, Casey Bernardo, Eric Krszjzaniek, Dana Lawson, Jason Loeffler, Justin Olszewski friends of the bitchin’ kitsch ($11-50) - Charles Kelly, Kenneth Spalding lovers of the bitchin’ kitsch ($51-100) - Scott Cook, Jan Haskell, Keith Talbot partners of the bitchin’ kitsch ($101-1,000) - Felix Gardner parents of the bitchin’ kitsch ($1,001 & up) - The Talbot-Heindl’s 16

5, 11

Polk, Douglas

Shefchik, Kandra

we love our donors!


Cluff, Mike

Newman, Brooke

Monster 7/13/13 Chris Tallbot-Heindl Ink and gouache on paper


17 cover 8

Talbot-Heindl, Chris


Ward, Anthony


the talbot-heindl experience, llc 1600 reserve st, stevens point, wi 54481

Profile for Chris Talbot-Heindl

The Bitchin' Kitsch September 2013 Issue  

The Bitchin' Kitsch is a zine for artists, poets, prose writers, or anyone else who has something to say. It exists for the purpose of open...

The Bitchin' Kitsch September 2013 Issue  

The Bitchin' Kitsch is a zine for artists, poets, prose writers, or anyone else who has something to say. It exists for the purpose of open...