The Bitchin' Kitsch January 2011 Issue

Page 1

contents sept 2010. Figure Study 1 - Tanya Haller


Everything is Borrowed - Scott Cook


He’s My Husband, Thank You Very Much 4 - John Becker There’s More to Christmas - Robin Lee


Dana - Paula Heindl


Through Hill and Dale - Paula Heindl


An Open Letter to Rob Palleschi, Global 6 Head of Doubletree Hotels samuelbeaton

Paula Heindl - 5

Rachel Peeters - 7

Future of an Illusion - Scott Cook


Memory - Rachel Peeters


What Would David Hasselhoff Do? Chris Talbot-Heindl


A Man Who Needed a Hand - Wlkn_Fire 8

on the front cover:

LOVE - Jan Haskell

Figure study 1


November Landscape - Douglas Somers 9

By: Tanya Haller

Reasons That Girls Shouldn’t Date Douchebags - samuelbeaton

Pastels on paper

on the inside front cover:


The Demon in Me - Dana Talbot-Heindl 10 Santa, I Want a Choo Choo - Robin Lee


yo it’s my deal - Douglas Somers


The Man of the World - Wlkn_Fire


Dovecare Emblem Mash Up Concept Nomadicus Technicus


I Shat My Pants

Dovecare Emblem Mash Up Concept Nomadicus Technicus


By:Chris Talbot-Heindl

Dovecare Emblem Mash Up Concept Morgan Kukuck


Untitled - Feather Wolf


Clear Sidewalk - Wlkn_Fire


To Hannah - Jan Haskell


Refraction - Douglas Somers






I Shat My Pants - Chris Talbot-Heindl


Everything is Borrowed By: Scott Cook Felt pen on paper

on the inside back cover: Giclee Print

about b’k:


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john becker. He’s My Husband, Thank You Very Much By: John Becker December 19, 2010 Our society has made remarkable progress in the fight for LGBT equality in my lifetime. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was repealed yesterday and ending workplace discrimination for LGBT's. In 2010, for the first time, two separate polls indicated that a majority of Americans support the freedom of same-sex couples to marry. The well-documented generation gap in support for LGBT rights ensures that anti-equality forces in the United States are ultimately fighting a losing battle. But as the 2010 midterms so vividly reminded us, there is much work to be done in combating homophobia and advancing equality. Of course, the usual suspects in the anti-gay pantheon are the still most vocal exponents of homophobia, but even wellmeaning, LGBT-affirming individuals can and often do reinforce homophobia and heterosexism without even knowing that they're doing it. I can't tell you how many times I've found myself in the following situation: a supportive, well-meaning friend or family member is introducing me and my spouse to someone we don't know. This person makes the introduction as follows: "Hi, so-andso! This is my friend John, and this is his [insert occasional awkward pause here] partner (or boyfriend, or lover, or friend) Michael." Michael and I have been married for nearly five years. Due to an anti-gay constitutional amendment in my state, we had to travel to another jurisdiction in order to wed. Nonetheless, we know that we are husbands to each other, no matter how long it takes for our government to catch up with reality. We're extremely fortunate to be surrounded by loving, supportive friends and family members who, with very few exceptions, affirm and embrace our loving marriage. Still, we regularly find ourselves in the situation outlined above. I suspect that people have a wide variety of reasons for using nonmarital terms to describe our relationship in social situations. Perhaps they aren't (or are) aware of the religious or political views of others and wish to sidestep any potential awkwardness that might ensue. Perhaps they themselves, while outwardly professing to support equality, still struggle silently with acceptance of our marriage. Perhaps they wish to save us from embarrassment or retribution. Even LGBT-identified friends of ours slip up on occasion, introducing Michael as my lover or asking me whether my boyfriend and I will be able to attend their holiday party. I suspect that in these cases force of habit is the culprit: same-sex couples have been excluded from the rights and privileges of marriage for so long that many LGBT's don't even think of committed same-sex 4

relationships in marital terms. However varied the reasons may be for using less contentious terms to describe our marriage, the result is always the same: it denigrates our love, telling us that our marriage is somehow unworthy of the term, inherently unequal and intrinsically less valuable than the marriages of our straight counterparts. It reinforces the still-powerful cultural taboos surrounding LGBTs and their relationships. It implies that honesty about the nature of our relationship is less important than accommodating the prejudice of others. It tells us that it's best to be silent. I am not entirely without guilt here either. Early in our marriage (perhaps due to my Catholic upbringing or the sometimes sadistic nature of Midwestern politeness), I often adapted my own terminology to suit my audience. For friends, family members, and people under 40 I used the term husband, but for elderly and conservative people, and in work-related situations, I retreated into the relative neutrality of partner. I'm no longer shy about making universal use of the term husband, but have still been reticent to call others out for neglecting to do so themselves. No more. I can no longer concern myself with whether or not my marriage makes others uncomfortable. I have to be true to myself and my husband, and to the love that we share. I refuse to make any concessions whatsoever to bigotry - from now on, I will correct anyone who disrespects the way Michael and I define our relationship. I will not allow my marriage to be denigrated in my hearing. Of course, there are some in the LGBT community who make the conscientious decision not to describe their committed relationships in marital terms. I respect that decision, and I would never, ever suggest that their relationships are any less equal, committed, valuable, or meaningful than mine. However, that decision is for them, and them alone, to make. Michael and I define ourselves as husbands, so referring to us by another term is a sign of deep disrespect that I, and hopefully others, will no longer tolerate. So this holiday season, when you're introducing your married LGBT friends at a party, remember to respect the way they choose to define their relationship. Michael is my husband. Get used to saying that, because from now on, I'll be correcting you if you don't.

robin lee, paula heindl. There’s More to Christmas By: Robin Lee

There’s more to Christmas, than what meets the eye. More than the manger, or the star in the sky. More than the presents, the wrapping and bows. More than the stockings, and packaged up clothes. There’s more than the eating- the salty and sweet. There’s more than the candy, there’s more than the meat. There’s more than lights, and Christmas trees. There’s more than trinkets bought from the Chinese. There’s more than the driving, fro and to, forth and back, There’s more than the schedules crammed up and jam packed. There’s more to the family. There’s more to the friends. There’s more to repeating, tradition again. There’s more to small actions, of great appreciation, There’s more to the thrill of anticipation. There’s more to the moments, that make up the time, more to the coal that makes the lights shine. There’s more to the sun, there’s more to the snow There’s more to the water that helped the Christmas trees grow (or more to a beard when it’s seen from below). There’s more to the magic, that the young at heart see. There’s more to the travel found in the journey.

Paula Heindl Dana Photograph

Through Hill and Dale By: Paula Heindl They pranced, they danced, they rolled in the grass with their laughter (the innard tickling kind), and yet when the storm came, they didn't recognize it for what it was. Lame ducks and hobbled pigeons, these humans are, and oversights are the name of the game, when isolated snowflakes are the most profound at winter's edge, and summery fields always bring blossoms. Cap that moment. Entrench the VERB, grapple with the nuances of fantastic fantasies for THAT is where TRUTH is found. bitchin’ kitsch


samuelbeaton, scott cook. An Open Letter to Rob Palleschi, Global Head of Doubletree Hotels By: samuelbeaton On Sep 4, 2009, at 1:27 AM, Doubletree wrote: Dear Samuel Beaton, Recently, we sent you an invitation to complete a Guest Satisfaction Survey concerning your stay with us at Doubletree Milwaukee, where you checked out on August 25, 2009. We noticed that you did not have time to complete the survey. We are concerned that you may not have responded because we have somehow failed to live up to your expectations. At Doubletree, we are committed to providing a superior guest experience to every customer. Please take a few minutes to tell us how well we met your expectations.

treasure and the other is your hotel. Even if I were to fill out your survey, what would I possibly say? Nobody expects to be thrilled at a Doubletree. It is the kind of place you stay because you can’t afford the Sheraton. Or the Marriott, which as I said, is where I am currently staying, and which is AMAZING!!! Hopefully they will send me a survey so I can tell them all about it. I appreciate that you are concerned that you “somehow failed to live up to my expectations.” Generally speaking, the only expectation I have when staying at a mid-priced hotel chain is to be left alone. Thanks again for taking the time to write a passive-aggressive email, Samuel Beaton P.S. Your cookies are good.

To complete the survey, please click on the web address below. If that does not work, please copy and paste the entire web address into the address field of your browser. Thank you again for choosing Doubletree. I look forward to hearing about your stay with us. Sincerely, Rob Palleschi Global Head – Doubletree Doubletree *** Dear Rob, Thank you for writing to me to remind me to take the survey I ignored earlier. A clarification: The reason I did not fill out the survey is not because I did not have the time, but because I did not want to. To put that into survey language, on a scale from 1-10, with one being the lowest and ten being the highest, the amount I wanted to fill out your survey was zero, which is a little bit below the lowest number I can choose. I actually have a lot of free time, which lately I have been filling by playing Rock Band 2 on the Wii. (Great fun, but I am currently struggling with, believe it or not, Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way.”) If anything, I have too much free time which is why I have the time to sit here and write you this email from the Marriott where I am currently staying. Until I received this email, I would have rated my experience with Doubletree as “very good.” Now, however, I would downgrade my overall experience to just “satisfactory” because I do not like receiving surveys about my experiences. For example, if I received a survey from the Grand Canyon asking me how I enjoyed the Grand Canyon, I would be annoyed. But the Grand Canyon does not ask people to fill out surveys because it already knows it is awesome. By the way, I am not comparing staying at your Doubletree Hotel to visiting the Grand Canyon. One of them is a national 6

Scott Cook Future of an Illusion Felt pen on paper

rachel peeters, chris talbot-heindl.

Rachel Peeters Memory Solar plates

Chris Talbot-Heindl What Would David Hasselhoff Do? Giclee Print bitchin’ kitsch


wlkn_fire, jan haskell.

Wlkn_Fire A Man Who Needed a Hand Watercolor pencil on paper

LOVE By: Jan Haskell

brightened, the sun forced its way through every opening in his defenses for sleep.

The early morning sun pierced the dried tears of rain on the window. The storm in the night had passed, and the early rays began to light the room. The shade was mostly down, but enough was up so that from where he sat, he could watch the room go from dark to soft shadows. As the sun rose, the light danced across the floor following the grain on the wood. Slowly, the disfigured shadows started to take shape: the empty glasses on the floor; a disheveled couch; an open pizza box empty of any food.

Sitting next to the bed, he watched the slumbering shadow sleep. He watched as the light pushed the darkness away slowly revealing more then just shape. Her body was quiet, just the movement of her breath gave life to the shadow being more than just pillows. As she became more vivid, so did the night. When he had first woke, it had seemed more as a dream. So much expressed, that his mind still seemed half in sleep as though this was the dream. He, at first, thought to pinch himself, but if it was a dream, why wake?

As the sun filled the room, he could see that the storm also raged inside. The pillows from the couch lay on the floor; the coffee table pushed to the side; an upturned chair. He took a deep drag from his cigarette as he followed the chaos across the room. Yes, two storms he thought: outside angry and violent, and inside, passion was the force that had laid his house to waste. Exhaling, his eyes continued to follow the sun through his room. As the morning

The room was now light enough for him to see that she had taken over the bed. Laying at an angle, and pulling the sheet into a toga around her. Her deep Mediterranean skin gave a contrast to the white sheets that twisted around her legs where moments before he had laid. He followed the twist of the sheet up her body, looking with longing as he made out the curves of her hips, and her firm breast that now lay only in outline. He took another deep drag


jan haskell (con’t), douglas somers.

Douglas Somers November landscape Print as her thick, dark Athenian curls came into view, hiding her naked shoulder and masking half her face. His mind was racing through the night as they discovered each other in love, and passion. It must have only been an hour or two since they collapsed into sleep. He snubbed out the cigarette as he lowered himself back to the bed as the room filled with light. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep! “Will you get that?” “Sure, what’s the T.O.D.?” “Its 12:56pm. I will go out and tell the family. Is his wife still alive?” "No she passed just before him.” As the doctors left the cubical, an orderly tied a tag to the old man’s toe and pulled a sheet over the body.

bitchin’ kitsch


samuelbeaton, dana talbot-heindl. Reasons That Girls Shouldn’t Date Douchebags

even think about dating that guy? I mean, there are easier ways to get cocaine.

By: samuelbeaton & Lisa Flaming

Emo People Shouldn’t Date Each Other I know that you’re thinking “Hey, samuelbeaton, if we have the same things in common, why is it bad to date each other?” I’ll tell you why. You see, it starts out with the two of you sharing the same taste in music. Then it moves on to sharing t-shirts. After a month or so, you’re now sharing the same pants. It’s starting to get weird. After a while of the two of you dating, you start to share blood. Yeah, that’s gross. After you share blood, you start to share your ideas for your suicide pact. Why? Because you can’t live without each other. Or so you think when you’re 14 years old and this is the first person you’ve ever dated. You knew you were in love when you both blurted out that you want the same Good Charlotte song to be played at your funerals. You guys are so deep, man.

Hey, ladies. How are you? I know, we don’t really discuss personal things anymore. Sorry, I’ve kind of slacked on our friendship. I have been thinking about how some of you are getting pretty stupid as of late. Now, before you say “Hey, samuelbeaton, it’s not nice to call people stupid”, hear me out. I’m not calling all people stupid, just women. You make some of the worst decisions when it comes to guys. I have been throwing back and forth some ideas with a friend of mine. She agrees with me on these points. Yes, I DID say “she”. Actually a few of these are her points. Yes, I DID say “her”. Get ready for a dunk, folks. The First Date When out on a date, if the face looking back at you is one that you would find on the sex offender registry, or is on supervision through the state or federal department of corrections…Just say no! Everybody knows this guy. We all went to high school with him. You know how all the girls thought he was the coolest guy back then because he drove a Trans Am and listened to The Ramones? Yeah, well, it turns out that it really wasn’t all that cool back then and it’s really, really not cool now. You want to ask him about how his life is, but his attention is focused on the 16 year old waitress who is wearing too short of a skirt. Ladies, you picked a winner.

Anyway, these are guys that girls probably shouldn’t date. I was going to write a whole thing on here about why you shouldn’t date me. However, that would just be a giant lie. I am probably the greatest thing that will ever happen to you. Plus, the coke that I get is pretty pure.

Hey, Let’s Get Tattoos Together! If a guy ever says this to you, ladies, punch him in his stupid head. After he falls back from your surprise attack, break up with the guy. Seriously, why would you get tattooes of each others names? Or one of some inside joke that you will soon realize was never that funny? All I’m saying is that you should think about where your life went wrong when you are tattooing “Russell Forever” over your heart. My favorite thing to see is a tattoo that says some persons name followed by “forever”. Those relationships usually last a good month and a half. I use the word “good” very loosely. It’s Not That Cool To Punch Women Here’s the thing: I don’t really have sympathy for a girl with a black eye if she is still dating the guy who gave it to her. Seriously, what did the girl do? Did she forget to Tivo Nascar for you? Oh, really? She did? Well, then give her another black eye for me. Just kidding, my sweet babies. You only deserve one. Make me a sandwich. Drug Dealers Probably Aren’t The Safest Bet I know, it’s cool to be dating the guy who is cooking up ketamine in the kitchen while his 4 year old son is chain smoking cigarettes in search of an empty beer bottle to ash in. In fact, that’s straight up crazy cool. I wish I could wake up next to a girl who still has the needle sticking in her arm. Are you nuts, ladies? Why would you


Dana Talbot-Heindl The Demon in Me Marker on Paper

robin lee, douglas somers. Santa, I Want a Choo Choo

and Santa Clause’s pockets do not go that deep.

And save to pay for your taxes to help to keep them clear.

By: Robin Lee

“You could’ve got assistance, from the federal government; But the governor elect, showed utmost disrespect now elsewhere the money’ll be spent.”

“Be careful of collisions When you’re driving near and far, You’ll never know, like Ohio, life without a car.

“Dear Santa I want a choo choo! Dear Santa I want a train.” “I’m sorry kids but I must say no, although it fills my heart with pain.” “What? But Santa we’ve been oh so good! We’ve really tried our best. We’ve worked so hard, aced our report cards, for the future please invest!” “I’m sorry children it’s not that simple. I know that you’ve been good. I know not getting a train sounds simply insane, all my sources say you should. “But there are forces working against this wish, Choo choos they aren’t too cheap,

“But Santa I’m sick of driving! Sick of spending money on gas!” “I know, I see, but between you and me, Your new governors an ass. “He sees common sense as senseless, He finds fault to real reason. Which is why, I must deny Your wish this Christmas season.

“You may have to move to California. We’d hate to see you go, but we understand, the lack of plan, has stunted your ability to grow. “So sorry, there’ll be no choo choo. No new jobs for mom and dad to work Cause the new governor of Wisconsin has proved himself a jerk.”

“So I’m sorry children of Wisconsin, Your future’s on the road, Even though it is congested, and full of people much too old. “So watch out for drunken drivers. Watch out for running deer.

Douglas Somers yo it’s my deal Ink on paper bitchin’ kitsch


wlkn_fire, nomadicus technicus, morgan kukuck.

Wlkn_Fire The Man of the World Watercolor pencil on paper

Nomadicus Technicus DoveCare Emblem Mash Up Concept Graphite on paper, scanned by Sir Richard Rupp


Nomadicus Technicus DoveCare Emblem Mash Up Concept Graphite and marker on paper, scanned by Sir Richard Rupp, marker by Miss Adriana (Sissy) Rupp

Morgan Kukuck DoveCare Emblem Mash Up Concept Ink on paper

feather wolf, wlkn_fire, jan haskell.

Feather Wolf Untitled Watercolor pencil on paper

Wlkn_Fire Clear Sidewalk Watercolor pencil on paper

To Hannah By: Jan Haskell Fall has finally descended on Wisconsin. We had a long reprieve of summer, but the wind has changed and with it comes the scent of winter. The chimneys all speak of it. Their hearths sweet as summer pine, and the wind carries their song to every passer by. Some trees fight to say that summer is not quite gone, and gives false dreams by hanging on to a few leaves, while the ground around them is speckled with color. Reds, yellows, orange, and violet. The wind, an artist, comes down to rearrange the pattern. "It is time to slow down" calls the mother, "time to find a sunny spot, and make a bed, a bed of colors with kisses of the waning year."

bitchin’ kitsch


douglas somers, donors, index. advertisers Bitchin’ Kitsch mcfishenburger Second Space

16 9 11 13

artists Becker, John Cook, Scott Feather Wolf Haller, Tanya Haskell, Jan Heindl, Paula Kukuck, Morgan Lee, Robin Nomadicus Technicus Peeters, Rachel samuelbeaton Somers, Douglas Talbot-Heindl, Chris Talbot-Heindl, Dana Wlkn_Fire

4 2, 6 13 cover 8-9, 13 5 12 5, 11 12 7 6, 10 9, 11, 14 7, 15 10 8, 12, 13

Douglas Somers Refraction Watercolor

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