Child magazine | JHB February 2017

J O B U R G ’ S

B E S T

G U I D E

F O R

P A R E N T S

start the year with a smile ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

homework help perfect playdates extramurals made simple au pairs & lift clubs sorted

plus

tasty lunchbox treats and quick after-school snacks

school’s back

exploring options

why choosing the right school for your child is so important

the psychology behind

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February 2017

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the games children play

health

education

entertainment

school’s back It is so good to be back and to welcome so many new readers to the Child Mag community.

We hope that, as you read our first issue of the year, you’re finding your footing in a solid routine and your home is filled with the promise that comes with starting a new year.

In our February “school’s back” issue, knowing that you and your child have the new school year ahead of you, we pack our resource with smart tips to help you navigate your way (page 19). We also present some childcare options to the parent having to leave their little one for the first time, as they return to work (page 9). We explore the complexities of inclusive education (page 10) as well as the magical impact that the Montessori and Waldorf approaches might have on your child’s education (page 16).

The “school’s back” issue also always brings with it excitement because it’s Child Mag’s birthday and this year we turn 13 and plan to reveal a few fun surprises along the way...

In addition to offering you the magazine and website, we continue to reach out every Thursday with a compelling parenting tip that sheds light on the latest parenting trends and discussions, so connect with us by signing up to our newsletter.

As always, in our unfailing commitment to make parenting a little easier and a lot more fun, Child Mag will spend the year running the parenting gauntlet with you, offering an excellent read on everything from pregnancy to parenting a teen.

From all of us at Child Mag, may this year be inspired!

connect with us online at childmag.co.za

Lisa Mc Namara, Publisher

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Child magazine Online

Editorial

Online Content Manager

Managing Editor

online@childmag.co.za

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Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Simone jeffery • joburg@childmag.co.za

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please recycle

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February 2017

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contents

14 the games children play 3 6

a note from lisa over to you Readers respond

features

12 permission to fail By not allowing our children to experience failure, we are raising quitters. Jocelyn Warrington explains

14 the games children play Lisa Lazarus finds out that games where children make the rules, empower them psychologically 16 the children’s school More and more South African parents opt to register their children at Montessori or Waldorf schools. Nick Dall explains why 18 when we’re gone Tamlyn Vincent looks at the importance of having a will, and what it should include 22 real food lunchboxes Vickie de Beer’s new recipe book, My Low Carb Kitchen, offers delicious low-carb recipes for every occasion

health 7

february health focus Tamlyn Vincent highlights National Pregnancy Education Week, among other among other awareness days

regulars 8

pregnancy news – countdown to baby Jessica Baxter looks at birth plans and discusses some of the most common options 9 best for baby – back to work Your maternity leave is at an end and you have to decide between childcare options. Jessica Baxter weighs up some choices to consider 10 dealing with difference – embracing difference Is our mainstream school system equipped to support special-needs learners? Samantha Page investigates 19 resource – a map for the school year Moving into a new school year is a time of stress for all families. Child Magazine gives some practical advice to help you start this journey successfully 26 what’s on in february 31 in the next issue of child magazine 34 finishing touch Anél Lewis was fired from parenthood by her four year old, but she knows it’s only temporary

35 a good read For the whole family

classified ads

32 family marketplace 32 let’s party

this month’s cover images are supplied by: Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Joburg – Sandhurst Pre- and Preparatory College Incorporating Stepping Stones Pre-Primary Cape Town and Durban – Highbury Preparatory School hps.co.za Photographer: Clinton Friedman Pretoria – St Mary’s School, Waverley grahamdelacy.com

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February 2017

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letters

over to you

your voice online in response to “mainstreaming special-needs children” My son is 13 years old and has been progressing through the grades, but he is borderline. Since he was eight years old, I was told he will be challenged by attending a mainstream school, but the schools that can accommodate him are private and expensive. Public schools have a long waiting list. It is frustrating as a parent to see your child go through these challenges.

Anonymous It is ridiculous to hear school heads and specialists talking about mainstream schools not being beneficial to special-needs children. It is such an outdated, thirdworld approach. It is “not beneficial” because the school heads and owners do not want to change and become truly inclusive. Yes, it requires investment and commitment as any change does. It requires a change of ideology, and a commitment to look at what unites us, rather than what separates us. Many countries in Europe consider it to be a benefit, not a burden, to have specialneeds children among their learners, with parents of Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag, facebook.com/childmag.co.za and pinterest.com/childmagazine

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Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

special-needs children having the right to have their child admitted to almost any school they want.

Anonymous Having a special-needs child with a rare syndrome, I have explored all avenues over the past eight years. We looked at and tried private schools, mainstream schools, various programmes and more. In my opinion, special-needs children need special, focussed education. Teachers in mainstream schools are not geared with the same tools as teachers in special-needs schools.

Although my daughter completed pre-Grade R at a mainstream school with the help of her facilitator, she never really fitted in or connected with any of her fellow learners – her sense of belonging lacked. I feel that it would have made her a lot more secure to connect with similar children, showing her that she is not alone. She cannot comprehend that there are other children like her – she only connects to actual experiences.

The mainstream school she went to unfortunately did initially embrace having her, but shortly after it was obvious that the teacher did not want her there. They were not willing to be flexible and my daughter ended up being

very stressed. Periods of having to leave class to sit in an empty room with her facilitator, so as not to distract the other “normal” children, made it very clear that this was not the environment where she would thrive.

Special-needs schools teach life skills in addition to teaching very important things to our children that they need as tools to cope with the outside world. Specialneeds schools have the right programmes and approach, and will not take in any child that they as a team cannot assist 100%. Having to “fight” to keep your child in a mainstream environment is in itself problematic. Keeping your child in a mainstream school will be very short-lived and putting your child through the stress of changing to a special-needs school, is really a very selfish [parental] decision in my opinion.

Anonymous

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We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

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health

february health focus TAMLYN VINCENT highlights the health and awareness days in February to help us remember, learn about and take action to assist those in need.

National Reproductive Health Month During February, the focus is on reproductive health, which implies a safe and responsible sex life along with the choice for couples to have a baby, if and when they choose to. But, this also means that people have the right to safe and effective methods of fertility regulation, and access to healthcare services for pregnancy and childbirth.

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World Cancer Day On this day, the world unites in the fight against cancer. The aim is to help save lives through education and awareness of the disease, while encouraging everyone, including governments, to take action. International Childhood Cancer Day is held on 15 February. The 14th national Cansa

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Shavathon takes place at shopping centres on 25 February, and at workplaces and organisations from 27 February to 3 March.

For more info: worldcancerday.org Childhood Cancer Foundation South Africa (Choc): 086 111 3500, headoffice@choc.org.za or choc.org.za PinkDrive: 011 998 8022, info@pinkdrive.co.za or pinkdrive.co.za The Cancer Association of South Africa: 0800 22 66 22, info@cansa.org.za or cansa.org.za 7–14 February

Congenital Heart Disease Awareness Week Congenital Heart Disease (CHD) is a common type of birth defect. This week raises awareness around this condition, in the hope that more children suffering from CHD can be diagnosed and treated early.

Heart Kids: 074 120 0279, liza@heartkids.co.za, bev@ heartkids.co.za or Facebook: Heart Kids South Africa The Heart and Stroke Foundation South Africa: 021 422 1586, heart@heartfoundation.co.za or heartfoundation.co.za

by people with epilepsy, and their families. Epilepsy is a disorder marked by recurring, unprovoked seizures.

For more info: epilepsy.org Epilepsy South Africa: 021 556 3753, 021 903 1479, info@epilepsy.org.za or epilepsy.org.za 19 February

National Healthy Lifestyle Awareness Day South Africans are encouraged to follow a healthy lifestyle through good nutrition and regular physical activity, while avoiding risk factors such as obesity and smoking. February is also Healthy Lifestyle Awareness Month.

The Heart and Stroke Foundation South Africa: 021 422 1586, heart@heartfoundation.co.za or heartfoundation.co.za 21–28 February

Teen Suicide Prevention Week In South Africa, teen suicide is becoming more common and there is a significant link between suicide and depression.

The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag): 011 234 4837, 0800 20 50 26 or sadag.org Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393

8–14 February

28 February

This week focuses on pregnancy education, ensuring expectant moms have the knowledge they need to make the best health decisions for themselves and their babies.

The day is held internationally to raise awareness around rare diseases. Rare diseases, by definition, only affect a small number of people, but those who are affected do share a common struggle.

For more info: rarediseaseday.org Rare Diseases South Africa: 010 594 3844, admin@rarediseases.co.za or rarediseases.co.za

National Pregnancy Education Week

13 February

World Epilepsy Day The aim of this day is to highlight the challenges faced

Rare Disease Day

February 2017

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pregnancy news

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countdown to baby

rom home births to private maternity hospitals to birth centres – there are myriad options when it comes to giving birth. Instinct plays a big part in the decision-making process, but being equipped with the right information is equally important. Here are some of the more common options and their perks and pitfalls.

ticked off most on your to-do list, but what about the birth plan? JESSICA BAXTER looks at some options.

hospital delivery Considered the safest choice, a hospital delivery gives you and your baby instant access to specialist care in the event of an emergency, as well as excellent aftercare with midwives and nurses on hand to assist with breastfeeding and caring for your newborn.

Of course, expert care and state-of-the-art facilities do come with a hefty price tag.

Expect a bill of up to R45 000. While most medical aids offer comprehensive maternity cover, doctors can charge up to 300% of medical aid rates, which means you will be out of pocket unless you have gap cover – a must for anyone thinking about starting a family.

Cost aside, a hospital birth is by its very nature a clinical experience. Don’t expect soothing music, a quiet labour ward and homely comforts. While private hospitals are certainly upping their game when it comes to modernising their facilities, you can’t escape those fluorescent lights and the incessant beeping of machines and monitors.

But if safety is your priority then the hospital aesthetic shouldn’t bother you too much.

planned home birth While it’s considered a higher risk option (the risk of infant death is four times higher with home births as opposed to hospital births according to a 2014 study in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology), many women are choosing to have their babies at home. Not only is it more affordable – midwives charge up to a maximum of R15 000 for a home birth – it is also a more personalised, intimate experience. The key to a successful home delivery is the assistance of a certified, experienced midwife. Ruth Ehrhardt, midwife and co-founder of Home Birth South Africa advises meeting with a few midwives to find one that you really connect with. “Birth is a very personal and

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February 2017

vulnerable thing, so you need to trust the person who will be going through the experience with you,” she says. While only 10% of home births are transferred to hospital according to homebirth.org.za, it’s important to have a backup plan, so ask your midwife which hospital she has a relationship with should you need emergency medical care.

A common misconception about home births is that they are a more primitive experience than hospital births. This is not the case, insists Ruth. “A midwife arrives at a home birth with a mini birth centre in a box, which includes oxygen, an IV and foetal heart monitoring equipment. The only thing we don’t offer is an epidural.” Another misconception is that medical aids don’t provide any cover. While there are still many that don’t, FedHealth, Momentum and Best Med all pay for home births in part or in full.

If you are considering a home birth, first get the go-ahead from your doctor. While it is your decision, there are certain circumstances in which a home birth is advised against, namely if you are having a high-risk pregnancy, your baby is breech, you’ve previously had a C-section or if you’re expecting multiples.

You’ve decorated the room, picked a name and

birth centre A happy medium between hospital and home, birth centres or midwife-led maternity hospitals offer the best of both worlds: access to medical facilities and qualified staff in a more comfortable, homely and, in some cases, luxurious setting. Birth centres tend to be run by midwives and are a good choice for those wanting a natural birth with no medical intervention. Much like a home birth, however, you don’t always have immediate access to specialist care should you need it. What’s unique about birth centres is that they are family focused and encourage your partner and loved ones to be very involved and present throughout the experience, even offering accommodation should they need it.

Another selling point for some expecting moms is that birth centres often offer prenatal care and classes. While there are very few accredited birth centres in the country, it’s certainly an option worth exploring for those wanting to be more in control of their birth experience, but you can expect to pay around R30 000 or more.

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best for baby

back to work If your maternity leave is coming to an end, you’re probably beginning to explore your childcare options.

Here are a few to consider.

ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

By JESSICA BAXTER

to these questions will help a nanny agency recruit the right person for you. Alternatively, you can hire independently, but be sure to ask for contactable references.

While experience is important, it’s not a deal breaker.

If you feel comfortable with someone and like how they interact with your baby, you can always send them for nanny and first-aid training. Also, consider having your nanny start while you’re on maternity leave so that you can determine if it’s a good fit and for the nanny and baby to settle into a routine before you start work.

In terms of salary, it depends on their level of experience, your needs and the area you live in, but the standard rate is from R4 000 per month. Remember to also budget for a monthly UIF contribution as well as an annual bonus.

dial a nanny

crèche it is

Hiring a nanny is a popular choice among working moms who want their children at home in a familiar space.

Employing someone to look after your child at home also means you can set the schedule and be more in control of the kind of care you’d like for your little one. The added bonus is that your child gets one-on-one attention. Of course, staying at home can limit opportunities for early socialisation, which is why it’s beneficial to sign up for Nanny ‘n Me or toddler socialisation classes, which gives your child the opportunity to interact with other children and introduces your nanny to childminders in the area who she can arrange playdates with.

Before you begin your nanny search, be clear about what your needs are. Do you want someone who will also help around the house? Do you want a live-in nanny? Must they be fluent in a specific language? Knowing the answers

Many moms around the world send their babies to daycare or crèche at just three months old, owing to unaffordable childcare at home and they are no less well cared for or stimulated. The benefit of a crèche is that you know you’re getting experienced childminders looking after your baby.

However, as is the case when your child first goes to school, you can expect a few more colds as your little one is exposed to more bugs – not a bad thing as it is said to strengthen their immunity in the long run. Your child will also not get the kind of personalised care they would if they were at home, but that certainly doesn’t mean they’ll be neglected and one can argue it may just teach them a little more independence.

But, not all crèches are created equal. Ideally, you want to choose one that has been in the game a while and has a good reputation. You also don’t want to enrol your

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child in a crèche with big numbers. Smaller groups mean more attentive care. Fees vary, and depend on how many days you want your little one to attend and whether or not you need aftercare, but you’re looking at anywhere from R3 000 to R6 000 per term.

au pair at home Much like a nanny, hiring an au pair allows you to keep your child at home. The difference between the two is that au pairs are university students or older individuals with their own transport, which is why you can expect to pay more for their services. Again, costs will depend on their experience, the area you live in and your needs, and also on whether you’re hiring an au pair by the hour, for half- or full-day. The benefit of an au pair is that you have a little more freedom, because they can run errands for you and take your children to and from extramurals and playdates.

resource

For a list of au pair and nanny agencies, as well as preschools and crèches, in your city, visit childmag.co.za/ resources

February 2017

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dealing with difference

c i n a r gd b

e c ifferen

Gauteng MEC of education, at the launch. You can apply on a desktop computer or smartphone and the department said it would announce centres where those without access to internet and/or a computer would be able to use the site.

But Judith, a mom of twin boys, hit a snag when trying to enrol her sons for this year. “Due to an administrative glitch, my boys’ application to our school of choice has been declined. Options two and three, which the system spits out if option one is not successful, are just not realistic options for us in terms of lack of funding for the schools, lack of suitable sports equipment and sports facilities, lack of diversity and the list goes on. As a result, I am considering home schooling my boys, and I believe there will be a number of families making Are our schools and educators equipped to support learners with the same decision if they cannot afford a private school, but understand the need for quality education for their children.” special needs and help them flourish and reach their full potential?

While admission requirements remain a contentious issue SAMANTHA PAGE investigates. for every parent, the moms and dads of children who have special needs and learn differently, also demand to be seen and heard. “My son doesn’t learn the way teachers teach, but I “The mommy warrior in me has been stirred,” says want to believe in an integrated approach,” comments *Lesedi, The first day of school is a milestone that most parents Chris, a Child magazine reader and mom to a boy who whose son is in Grade 5. “I don’t want my boy thinking he isn’t look forward to with great anticipation. It’s marked with new entered Grade 1 this year, but “falls between the cracks of smart enough for a mainstream school, but I am concerned shoes, freshly sharpened pencils and, in most cases, a spiffy mainstream and special needs.” Chris is frustrated because that he is being lost in a mainstream environment that primarily new uniform that your child still has to grow into just like he the public school that is best able to accommodate her caters to those that fit in and keep up, and seems burdened or she will need to adapt to formal schooling. According to a son’s needs, rejected their application and there aren’t by learners who don’t fit the mould.” recent poll that interviewed 2 000 parents in the UK, parents many alternatives once you start to factor in school zoning of schoolchildren found that, while parenthood is crammed policies and the complicated application process, which with joyful moments, taking your child to school for the first seems a little “dubious” and “doubtfully transparent”, According to todaysparent.com, its not surprising that a lot time was the most memorable and emotional. according to a Durban mom in the same position. of teachers begrudge being assigned children with special But for some parents, the emotion and trepidation In April 2016, the Gauteng Department of Education needs, because they know they don’t have the resources to associated with starting formal education has less to do launched its online admissions website and it even got support them properly. Ironically, this results in the opposite with letting go, and more to do with the concern whether the its own Twitter hashtag, #Admissions2017. “The province of what integration is supposed to achieve. Instead of making child’s school will recognise and fully respond to his or her has phased out the manual admission process to make children with special needs feel included, they feel unwelcome individual needs (particularly if the child has special needs) in way for a modernised online process, which is more and instead of non-disabled children learning compassion, order to see that child realise his or her full potential. convenient and easily accessible,” said Panyaza Lesufi, they end up afraid or disdainful of disabled children.

m e

not spoilt for choice

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

between the cracks

Many parents have discovered that school choices narrow considerably when the line between mainstream and special needs becomes hard to define, since the child doesn’t fall definitively in either camp, and countless moms and dads are equally outraged by the exhorbitant costs of special education and private schools. “While the fancy schools are expensive and out of reach for most average parents, many of the special-needs public schools haven’t been upgraded for years and seem run down. Those schools don’t fill me with confidence that my child will get the best education and fill him with a sense of pride, which could affect his performance,” adds *Justin, a single dad who feels burdened by the financial implications of a special-needs son.

Basic Education Minister Angie Motshekga says her department supports inclusion and is making every effort to improve support services and the way the curriculum is delivered in public, special and ordinary schools.

Speaking at a ministerial round-table on disability last year, the minister said “the Department of Basic Education is committed to ensuring that all learners with disabilities are able to access a special or full-service school, which offers the programme of support that they require, preferably in their neighbourhood. We would like to see all schools becoming more responsive to learner needs by influencing the change of attitudes of their school community, which may still be predisposed to prejudice.”

make the change It’s heartening that amid the heightened emotions surrounding the discussion there is good news and positive perspective. Emeritus Prof Roy McConkey of the University of Ulster in Northern Ireland, who also attended, said South Africa is one of the leading countries in the provision of inclusive education in the world, and definitely in Africa.

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In South Africa, the 2001 Education White Paper 6, Special Needs Education: Building an Inclusive Education and Training System, allocated a 20-year developmental perspective on building an inclusive education and training system that will address barriers to learning and recognise and accommodate a diverse range of learning needs, reported the Mail & Guardian, but Dr Tsediso Michael Makoelle of the University of Johannesburg believes one of the barriers to inclusion is that it is often misconstrued as being another form of “special education” that is reserved solely for disabled learners.

“It’s often teachers who distort what inclusive pedagogy means who themselves are barriers to inclusion. Some teachers think it’s time-consuming, it can’t be done, and that it’s only for specialist teachers in special schools... if teachers change their beliefs and conceptions about it being possible and understand that no one is disabled, but instead all persons are abled differently, it can be done.”

But changing teachers’ attitudes is only one step towards effective inclusion and a system of education that supports every learner. Jean Fourie of the University of Johannesburg makes a strong case for also building “trusting partnerships between teachers and caregivers or parents in the support of all facets of a pupil’s needs.”

These partnerships bring untold benefits to schools, such as improved learner behaviour, better attendance, improved academic performance and a close collaboration between schools and pupils’ home settings, which allow for the optimising of learning, adds Barbara Dale-Jones, chief executive officer of the Bridge education network.

In addition, South African schools are not yet fully equipped with resources and facilities required to meet the needs of inclusion and the trend is still to refer parents to more specialised environments to meet the learner’s best interests in providing learning support, therapeutic interventions and

general learner support that cannot always be provided within the mainstream school environment. Despite the reservations some parents have about government specialeducation schools, these schools are subsidised (more so than within the mainstream school environment) and it’s evident that the school fees at mainstream schools may not be sufficient to provide the facilities and resources that would be required for a special-needs learner.

According to a study conducted by Jace Pillay, vice-dean of the Faculty of Education at the University of Johannesburg and professor in the Department of Educational Psychology, and Marisa Di Terlizzi, educational psychologist at St Stithians Girls’ College, there is a distinct advantage to having available practioners on-site, such as speech therapists, occupational therapists and psychologists, to meet learners’ needs as part of the school fee structure without the pressure on parents to transport learners to and from therapy in the afternoons when many parents are at work.

While inclusive education is clearly still a work in progress, when the system works and all the players are pulling together, there is a positive story to tell. Verity is a widowed mother of five and her youngest, Rebecca, is eight years old and has high-functioning Down’s syndrome.

“I have schooled Rebecca at two different preschools, both mainstream, and I finally enrolled her in Grade 1 at Johannesburg Girls Preparatory School, an inner city traditional school. She has fitted in very well and is thriving in a good academic environment nurtured by the school.

I am very happy with my choice of school so far and also pleased that I could take full advantage of the Government Inclusion Policy as a special-needs parent. Johannesburg Girls is providing the perfect environment for Rebecca’s academic and social development.” *Names have been changed

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parenting

permission to fail Child development experts argue that, in our efforts to shield our children from temporary pain, we are raising a generation of permanent quitters; by not allowing our children to fail, we are failing our children. By JOCELYN WARRINGTON

l

ike many children, mine hates homework. There was a time, however, when most evenings saw us engaged in major homework battles of will. “Hire a tutor,” counselled her teacher. “Ban the TV, confiscate the iPad, declare time-out on play dates,” suggested well-intentioned friends. The advice was varied and, some of it, hard to stomach, but none more so than my own mother’s: “Stop fighting and let her fail.”

What? Aren’t “good parents” supposed to ensure that their children succeed at school, and in every other aspect of their lives, all the time? In fact, just the opposite, say the experts. Failure, they claim, allows children to face the natural consequences of their actions. But, in our competitive, trophy-laden culture we have come to define success as “the avoidance of failure at all costs”, and that is what we are passing on to our children, says Dr Joanne Hardman, senior lecturer at UCT’s School of Education. “Modern parenting is largely governed by fear – fear that we will somehow damage our children if we let them fail,” explains Hardman. “This is not really all that difficult to understand – our own fear of failure is closely linked to our sense of self-worth. But, when we project this onto our children, we deny them some important developmental lessons.”

Failure breeds competence, Hardman points out. “When we bounce back from setbacks we develop a sense of accomplishment. Things that are easily achieved simply do not have the same psychological import as those that have been difficult to achieve.

Ultimately, it’s the struggle that makes success so sweet.”

According to Hardman, by not teaching our children how to fail, we set them up for serious psychological distress later in life. “The real world is characterised by failure: failure to get into the university of your choice, failure to land the job you desire, failure to get that promotion. The belief that children must be protected from failure, and its resulting bad feelings, robs them of necessary steps in the process of developing a healthy self-esteem.”

She cites American psychologist Martin Seligman who, in his seminal book, The Optimistic Child, insists: “Self-esteem, in particular, and happiness in general, develop as side effects – of mastering challenges, working successfully, overcoming frustration and boredom, and winning. The feeling of self-esteem is a byproduct of doing well… In order for your child to experience mastery it is necessary for him to fail, to feel bad, and to try again repeatedly until success occurs. None of these steps can be circumvented. Failure and feeling bad are necessary building blocks for ultimate success and feeling good.”

Encouraging children to take risks is essentially nothing more than supporting them to develop a sense of autonomy and competence.

Salomé Human-Vogel, professor of educational psychology at the University of Pretoria, echoes Seligman: “Encouraging children to take risks is essentially nothing more than supporting them to develop a sense of autonomy and competence. For the busy parent, it is often too easy to take over and do things for the child. However, when parents do this the only thing the child learns is that mom can do it better. This, in turn, undermines the child’s desire to choose to do things by herself (autonomy) as well as to develop a can-do attitude (competence). These children become uncertain of themselves, develop poor self-esteem and don’t take risks, and they are generally unmotivated to achieve academically. Admittedly, for most parents it takes time and lots of practice to stop ourselves from taking over, but it’s important to remember that developing a sense of autonomy and competence helps children to flourish in life.”

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ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

epic fail

At its worst, “over parenting” leads to what psychiatrists term “enmeshment” – a maladaptive state of symbiosis that makes for unhappy, resentful parents and failure-tolaunch children who eventually move back into their bedrooms after university. “They do not look for jobs because their first experience of failure is so damaging that it doesn’t bear repeating,” explains Hardman. “The young adult who does not know how to fail does not know how to succeed either.”

But not only does risk-averse parenting hinder a child’s sense of autonomy and competence, it also feeds an insidious pressure to be perfect, says Human-Vogel. “While the desire to have one’s child experience nothing but success is more often than not driven entirely by love, ironically, children who are so completely shielded from failure can experience their parents’ love as conditional: ‘You are only worthy if you are the best’,” she explains. “These children feel the pressure to always succeed so intensely that they become anxious and insecure, shying away from situations in which they are expected to achieve for fear that they may not. On the other hand, experiencing age-appropriate failure offers important opportunities for children to learn what they are good at, where the boundaries of their competence lie, and, more importantly, that they are still lovable and acceptable even when they fail.”

learning from mistakes It is essential to “reframe failure”, insists Dr Alfred Haupt du Plessis, educational psychologist and lecturer at the University of Pretoria: “Parents and educators need to nurture a culture in which we celebrate success without condemning failure. Failure should be redefined as an opportunity for growth. An environment that is tolerant of mistakes will also be far less competitive as personally meaningful triumphs are viewed as more important than publicly ‘approved’ ones.”

“Encourage your child to try different things, and talk positively about failure to him,” advises Human-Vogel. “Failure is simply feedback about what to do differently next time.

When things go wrong, help your child to reflect on what happened and to evaluate the process by asking questions like, ‘Why do you think it happened? Is there anything you could have done to prevent it? What have you learnt from this? Do you think you will approach it differently next time?’. For very young children, the emphasis should be more on helping them develop the vocabulary needed to accurately express how they feel when things go wrong. Using emotive statements such as, ‘It seems this makes you feel very angry/sad/disappointed’ will help him label his feelings and gain competence in managing his emotions and, later, his actions.”

“Provide guidance on how best to succeed,” adds Hardman. “Praise your child for the steps she takes towards success. But don’t give her hollow praise for things that she should be able to do as part of her normal developmental path. Endlessly praising a six year old for packing away her toys is meaningless; a three year old is capable of doing this. Empty praise will eventually lead to mistrust when it becomes clear to your child that she is not quite as accomplished as you have led her to believe she is.”

“Frame failure in a way that it makes sense within the broader picture of life,” advises Du Plessis. “Explain to your child that we are not our mistakes – our failures do not make us failures as people. Teach him to ‘fail forward’ by helping him to see his mistakes as opportunities for growth. And – probably hardest of all – give yourself permission to ‘fail’ by allowing your child to do so.”

Was it difficult for this type-A, perfectionist mother to let her smart daughter fail?

You bet. But when, after slacking off all term, she received her report, the tears rolled down her cheeks. She was so disappointed in herself that I didn’t have to say a word.

Allowing my child to fail not only brought our homework woes to a swift conclusion, it also taught my daughter – and me – an important lesson: that, often, failure is the fastest route to success.

fail safe

What can I do… ✻✻ if my child asks for help? “Encourage her to try on her own,” says UCT educationist Dr Joanne Hardman. “Reinforce that she is capable of doing things by herself. If she really is at an impasse, then step in to make the task more achievable. This might require breaking it up into more manageable bits.” ✻✻ if my child wants an answer? “Show him how to arrive at the answer himself – the processes he can use to find a solution.” ✻✻ if something goes wrong? “Mistakes happen. If your child fails a test, be there to listen to her feelings, but also see it as a learning opportunity. Discuss why she failed and what she can do to avoid it happening again. Try to focus less on ‘feeling’ and more on the ‘doing’. And remember that children are more resilient than we give them credit for.” ✻✻ if my child doesn’t do as well as expected? “Check your expectations. You want Jill to be a doctor, but is this really her chosen path? Ben should get 90% for maths because you’re a maths whizz, but is maths really his strong point? And never let your child know that you are disappointed. Sure, you can indicate that you want him to work harder and do better, but don’t register disappointment.

A lot of the stress today’s children are under is due to parental expectations that are often not in line with our children’s actual interests.”

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the game s en play ildr ch

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LISA LAZARUS discovers that games where children are in charge, and where they make up the rules, empower them to feel competent and able to overcome psychological challenges.

a

few days back, we – a few adults and a whole bunch of children – went for supper to a shopping mall. Naturally, the children, aged between five and nine, took off to circumnavigate the shopping centre at frantic, hamster-like speeds. Round and round they went. I wanted to put out little bowls of water for them and some straw.

“Why didn’t you play catch-catch?,” my son asked, afterwards.

“Adults like to have a nice glass of wine and eat dinner while talking. It’s our idea of catch-catch.”

It turns out the children hadn’t only run around like demented rodents, they had also played a version of that childhood game that has stood the test of time, Dares.

“We made Anthony sit on the dustbin and pretend he was on the toilet,” my son explained. “He had to ask somebody, who walked past, for toilet paper.”

“Wonderful for everybody, I’m sure. And what about you?”

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

parenting

“I had to go up to a stranger and ask where the toilet was. I went up to this person and said, ‘Excuse me, Ma’am, where’s the bathroom?’”

“And…?” At least he’d asked politely.

“The person said: ‘One, I’m not a woman but a man.

And two, ask security if you want to find the bathroom’.”

Serves him right, the young whippersnapper, I thought.

Nobody wants to be approached by a roving mass of giggling small boys clearly out for a laugh at your expense.

But, then I remembered the excitement of these childhood games, particularly the ones that involved disrupting the adult status quo.

I’m thinking not only of Dare but also Tok-Tokkie, now apparently renamed to Ding Dong Ditch. Remember that one? You’d ring the doorbell of some unsuspecting neighbour and then run away in a flurry of nerves and daring before anyone came to the door. Of course, it must have been infuriating for the adults to have their peaceful Sunday afternoon constantly interrupted, but it was fun. I even sustained my only childhood injury, a twisted ankle, playing this game – certainly worth it.

Whereas Pokemon might be here today but gone tomorrow in favour of the next hot new craze, games that go a bit deeper – that are in essence mind games – seem destined to go the distance. So what is it about TokTokkie or Dare (which is upgraded to Truth or Dare as one hits adolescence) that makes these games stick around, despite the pull of the latest iPad game?

As mentioned, they’re disruptors: they return power to children. If there’s one thing that unites children across time and geography, it’s a sense of powerlessness

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I remembered the excitement of these childhood games, particularly the ones that involved disrupting the adult status quo.

in the face of a (largely incomprehensible) external world. These games invert the status quo: children are in charge, and they’re making up the rules. This is obviously intoxicating, in part because it only lasts a short while before everything returns to how it should be.

Perhaps there’s another reason. The famous psychologist Erik Erikson divides a person’s life, from infancy to death, into eight life stages. It’s both gratifying and slightly depressing to think of oneself moving through this conveyor belt of life. I’m imagining here a sort of giant sushi belt where the offerings keep shifting as I age. I’ve definitely passed the delicious California rolls with their fresh avocado and salmon and am heading into more unknown territory, sort of translucent eel in sticky rice. Anyway, let’s not get distracted. I think that when games mirror the psychological challenge of specific life stages, they have particular resonance.

Between the ages of five and 12, primary school children are facing the psychological crisis of industry versus inferiority, claims Erikson. They’re asking: “Can I make it in the world of people and things? Am I competent?” Imagine, then, the appeal of games that set them challenges, that make them create a situation out of nothing, as in the case of Dares, and then get others on board their version of reality. It’s psychologically compelling.

So, next time a child rings your doorbell at four on a Sunday afternoon (just as you’ve drifted off for an afternoon nap), or asks you for toilet paper in the middle of the mall, remember these small disruptors are playing out their specific psychological challenges. Don’t worry, you get your psychological challenges as well. The last one we apparently face, says Erikson, is whether we’ve achieved wisdom, which apparently entails answering this question: Is it okay to have been me? That’s going to be a tough question to answer, but maybe there are some games we can think up in our dotage to get our minds around it.

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education

the children’s school j

ust after our eldest turned two, we went to interviews at a few different preschools.

One Montessori school in Cape Town stood out for many reasons, but the most glaring was the impression that its target market was children, not parents. We hunched on tiny chairs while our daughter – sitting comfortably in her chair – got to grips with an activity that involved pouring water from one glass to another; later we marvelled at the knee-high toilets and basins that everyone at the school uses.

“Starting preschool is a giant step forward in a young child’s life,” explains Hilary Dunn, the principal at Honeycomb Montessori in Cape Town. “The strength to take this step is driven by an innate will to grow, but children do need the right conditions to really flourish. Time is the greatest gift a Montessori education gives a child,” she continues. “Time to develop at your own pace, free from the timeframes of others.”

The best thing about it all is that the theory really does translate into practice.

Sometimes I drive past my child’s school in the middle of the day (we’ve all done it, let’s be honest), but instead of unearthing draconian disciplinary measures or a throng of children crowded around a TV screen, my espionage only reveals happy children going about myriad diverse and incredibly important activities like raking leaves, preparing a flowerbed for planting or cutting with real scissors.

“Montessori is for all children, because it is developmentally appropriate,” says Kym van Straaten, the president of the South African Montessori Association and principal of Randburg Montessori, “but it’s not necessarily for all adults. Some adults battle with the idea of giving a child agency. Respecting the choices a child makes can be very difficult for some adults,” she laughs, “but making mistakes is essential to growth.”

a creative being Another system that puts the needs of the child first is Waldorf. Someone who knows this better than most is Michaël Merle, a Waldorf teacher, teacher trainer and parent based at Roseway Waldorf School near Durban. “Waldorf meets a child on every level. It cares about who they are, not what they might be one day,” he pauses… “We’re concerned about the process, not the product and we teach children to think and analyse and be creative.”

“In the early phases, our curriculum is quite oral, and filled with stories. Our children make art based on the stories and they retell the stories in their own words. This develops into a life skill, which comes in handy at university or the workplace. Waldorf children aren’t afraid to think for themselves.”

“Waldorf suits every child. We offer a holistic curriculum that caters for myriad different learning styles. Many children who have struggled in the mainstream come to Waldorf and thrive… it’s as if a spark has been ignited.”

moving on Montessori was initially developed for preprimary children and after the overwhelming success of the preschool, it evolved to cater for children up to 18 years old. In South Africa, there are definitely far more Montessori preprimary schools than there are primary or high schools. Waldorf has always been a full 12-year educational programme and, although there are fewer Waldorf schools in total, they mostly contain kindergarten, primary and high school components.

Once a child is in the Waldorf system, he or she usually remains there. But Montessori students can transition to another system at any time during their educational journey.

“Montessori children adapt really well to mainstream schools. They’re confident, mature and well-equipped academically,” says Van Straaten, “but there’s always a nagging feeling that they could have achieved more if they’d stuck with a system that values individuality and creativity.”

Many children who start their schooling in the Montessori system end up flourishing at a Waldorf school. This, Van Straaten insists, is because the two systems have far more similarities than they have differences. “Regular schools are bound by the curriculum,” she laments, “but Montessori and Waldorf are bound only by the child’s imagination.”

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com | PHOTOGRAPH OF MARIA MONTESSORI: The New Student’s Reference Work Author LA2-NSRW-3-0269.jpg: House of Childhood inc. derivative work: Frédéric (talk)

time to grow

Montessori and Waldorf might sound like exotic dishes on a foreign menu, but more and more South African parents are finding they are a delightful alternative to the short-back-and-sides, outcomes-based mainstream. Montessori parent NICK DALL digs a little deeper.

same same, but different

✻✻ Both Waldorf and Montessori schools have great respect for the child as an individual, spiritual, creative being and both emphasise the education of the whole child over any particular academic curriculum.

✻✻ Both believe in protecting the child from the stresses of modern life; embracing nature and using natural materials. ✻✻ Both avoid technology at younger ages. Later on technology is introduced PHOTOGRAPH OF RUDOLF STEINER: GS at German Wikipedia - Abbildung übernommen aus Wolfgang G. Vögele, Der andere Rudolf Steiner - Augenzeugenbrichte, Interviews, Karikaturen, 2005, S. 116, Public Domain

appropriately and thoughtfully. ✻✻ Both schools were closed by the Nazis as they refused to teach the ideology of the state. ✻✻ Both schools provide a rich variety of academic subjects as well as art, music, dance and theatre at all ages. ✻✻ Formal academic study is kept from children in Waldorf schools until they’re six or seven years old – before then one uses music, imaginative play and the arts to build social, emotional and cognitive skills and lay the foundation for formal academic study. In Montessori, the real world is seen as a wonderful creation and “real work” is introduced immediately. The sensorial foundations for reading and maths are first touched on when children are about three years old. ✻✻ In Waldorf, activities are usually taught and carried out in groups with the teacher leading, while in Montessori the choice of what to study or work on at any time is left to the child and lessons are given to one child at a time – sometimes by another student. ✻✻ In Waldorf, children are kept in a group with children their own age and the teacher ideally moves up each year with the children (apart from in kindergarten, which is a mixed-age class.) In Montessori, children are grouped in three- to six-year age spans.

some pretty famous people attended Waldorf and Montessori schools…

Montessorians include the founders of Google, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, Sean Combs aka Puff Daddy, Prince William and Anne Frank.

Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock went to Waldorf schools, as did Stan Wawrinka and world famous designer Thomas Heatherwick.

faces behind the names

Maria Montessori (1870–1952) was an Italian medical doctor and anthropologist.

She opened the first Casa dei Bambini (not “school” but “house of children”) in Rome in 1907.

Rudolf Steiner (1861–1925) founded the Waldorf School for the children of the factory workers of the Waldorf Astoria Cigarette Company in Stuttgart in 1919.

resources Southern African Federation of Waldorf Schools: waldorf.org.za South African Montessori Association: samontessori.org.za

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your family

when we’re gone Without a will, your loved ones will needlessly suffer more when you pass on.

TAMLYN VINCENT looks at why you need one, and what your will should include.

w

hen my sister asked me to be her children’s guardian, it got me thinking. Our mortality is not a pleasant subject, and we often avoid making decisions because we don’t want to think about life without us in it. But after realising we hadn’t given enough thought to what would happen to our son, my husband and I started making some important decisions.

Having a will is your last chance to get everything right. It helps you get your paperwork up to date, your affairs in order and your life organised, says Estelle Scholtz-Mare, from Financial Wellness at Momentum. Without a will, you could be leaving behind all sorts of problems for those you love. If your affairs aren’t in order, your assets will be frozen until the estate is wound up, leaving your family without access to funds, sometimes for as long as a year. You’ll die intestate, meaning the state will decide what to do with your

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assets. They’ll also decide on who’ll raise your children, a choice with which you may not agree. On top of this, if any family members object to the state’s decision, a protracted legal battle could follow. “Don’t do this to your family,” says Scholtz-Mare.

over time, so Scholtz-Mare recommends revisiting your choice periodically and updating your will to accommodate your children’s best interests. A guardian doesn’t have to be family, but should be someone who shares your values. My husband and

I don’t want to think about my son living a life without me, but by not naming a guardian, we weren’t thinking about him at all. make a plan For parents, having a will is vital. “This is where you nominate guardians and/or caretakers for your children,” says ScholtzMare. The guardian will take care of your children’s financial and legal affairs, and a caretaker cares for them – this needn’t be the same person. But choosing someone can be tricky. You want someone with whom your children share a bond. This may change

I also considered their proximity (so our son wouldn’t have to move away), their age and physical ability, and their financial security.

Once you’ve decided, ask the potential guardian – you’ll want to know that they’re happy with this responsibility. Parents should also have life insurance, ensuring children will be financially secure with enough funds for education. Speak to a financial advisor about how much you’ll need.

Your will should list the assets your heirs must receive, and include an addendum that lists their asset value and liabilities against these assets. Also include names of institutions, with policy numbers, and relevant contact details, all of which helps speed up the process of winding up the estate, notes Scholtz-Mare. Burial preferences, medical procedures, or things like organ donation, can be detailed in a living will and given to someone you trust. You can also list funeral plans and life policies here, so that beneficiaries can access funds for the funeral, as standard wills are often only addressed after a person has been laid to rest.

I don’t want to think about my son living life without me. But by not naming a guardian, or finalising a will, we weren’t thinking about him at all. Deciding on who cares for him when we’re gone was difficult, but at least we’ll rest easier knowing he’ll be taken care of.

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resource

a map for the

school year At the start of a new school year, many parents, and children, feel as if they’re on a runaway train. CHILD MAGAZINE gives practical advice on how to tackle certain key issues.

playdate society How many children you have for a playdate often depends on your child, but until children are three years old, they’ll play next to others, not with each other, so it’s more a playdate for Mom. From three years on, one-on-one playdates are advisable.

Once children are older you can try having more friends over.

Toddlers can probably get along for an hour, preschoolers for around three hours, and longer for older children. Deciding when it’s acceptable to leave your child at a playdate, is based on how well you know the other family, your child’s age and how sociable they are.

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Basic etiquette for playdates are: ✻✻ be on time ✻✻ exchange contact numbers ✻✻ check for food allergies ✻✻ have several planned activities or toys handy as back-up ✻✻ ensure children tidy up ✻✻ take turns hosting.

deciding on extramurals Extramural activities can develop children, build on areas in which they’re skilled, teach new skills or improve on others. They also teach children about teamwork.

Encourage children to take part in at least one extramural, either organised by the

school or at a private institution. Extramurals should appeal to a child’s interests and capabilities, but speak to children first to ensure they’ll be committed for the whole term. You may also want to take the costs of equipment, uniforms and other expenses into account before signing up.

How many extramurals children do, depends on them. Encourage fewer, shorter activities for younger children.

Older children can join more, but still need time for homework and free play.

with a little extra help…

Au pairs can help with school or extramural transport and keep children busy after school and over school holidays. A tutor can help with homework or a particular subject.

Before hiring, check references or go through a reputable agency. Figure out your own requirements, such as transport or basic first-aid training. Ask the au pair or tutor how they intend to stimulate, engage and discipline your child, and for au pairs, discuss issues such as holidays or sick leave. For tutors, check qualifications and experience in their subject and establish whether they’ll be tutoring at your home or a centre.

An agency may have a set payment rate, otherwise the amount you pay will depend on factors such as the number of hours worked, transport costs, experience or how much work is required.

lift club pro Carpooling, if structured correctly, is a solution to stressful morning madness. The obvious choice for choosing fellow carpool buddies, would be to include families that live in your area. The best carpools have parents with mutual needs, similar schedules and the same set of core values. ✻✻ Safety first Age-appropriate seatbelts or restraints must be worn at all times and there are no exceptions; and no sharing of safety belts. The golden rule is to not transport more children than you have safety belts available. Stick to road rules at all times, including adhering to the school’s drop-off policy and no texting or taking phone calls when it’s your turn to drive.

And maintain your car to make sure it’s reliable and roadworthy. ✻✻ Draw up a schedule and stick to it Don’t miss pick-up times, and have a back-up plan when the designated driver becomes unavailable. Inevitably hickups will occur, but keep the lines of communication open, such as sharing a Whatsapp profile. Children and parents should also all have a list of contact numbers of all drivers and fellow passengers. ✻✻ Carpool etiquette is crucial Children must be polite and well-behaved at all times, know the car rules (for example no eating), and parents must not

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resource

use the carpool trip as a means to gossip about other parents or teachers, or to gain information from a child about their parent. Being the designated driver does not mean you’re a parent to all children in the car. You are the adult, and if a carpool child’s behaviour is a concern, discuss it with the parent. ✻✻ Make sure your insurance is adequate in case of a big accident. As carpooling is not a means of gaining an income, your insurance should cover the basics, but it’s best to make doubly sure what your insurance company’s policy is, with regards to claims.

projects at home Lighten your child’s load by using an afterschool routine that teaches scheduling and prioritisation skills. ✻✻ Most children are just too happy to be home after a day of rules, routine and schedules, that it might seem like a tornado rushing through your house when they step through the front door. Create a central point for offloading, and have a “put your stuff away first” policy. Book bags must first be unpacked, lunchboxes and water bottles put away in the kitchen, and all necessary correspondence from school given to you to prioritise, add to the schedule in the kitchen or sign and replace in the book bag.

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✻✻ Reignite their energy levels with a quick and healthy snack. Now is also a good time to spend time together, ask about their day and to reconnect. ✻✻ Depending on your child’s age, some children might need to blow off some more steam before tackling homework or chores. Now is a good time to get physical. Preschoolers can go for a tumble on the grass or jungle gym, while older children could head off for gymnastics classes, swimming training or cricket practice. ✻✻ While most children aren’t keen on doing homework, it’s a nonnegotiable.

Research has proven that the single best way to improve your child’s homework performance, is to stick to a daily routine. Whether it’s after school or chores, choose a time slot that works for your child, but stick to that timeframe every day. ✻✻ Set up a homework station away from any entertainment devices or other major distractions such as a toddler’s playroom. A special study space can make homework more fun and help motivate your child to get it done.

This space needs adequate lighting, such as bright natural light from a big window or a proper desk lamp. A good sitting posture is also important, so provide a chair with good support, at the correct height for a student to work

comfortably. A large enough table to carry projects, as well as a computer, for example, is also necessary. Have an organisation system in place for books, materials, supplies, paperwork and stationery. Mark things clearly so that it’s easy to get to and put away. Install a bookshelf for research material.

g and maths 101 reading and maths 101

✻✻ Make reading a habit and part of your daily routine. ✻✻ Read to your child and point at the words as you do so. ✻✻ Allow your child to choose the book. ✻✻ Ask your child questions about what you read. ✻✻ Go beyond books and show your child that there is reading material in comic

books, magazines, video games, board games and on everyday items such as cereal boxes. ✻✻ Have a positive attitude towards maths. ✻✻ Connect maths to real life by finding numbers around your home and doing sums with household objects. ✻✻ Make up number stories. For example, “Mommy has three apples and she gives Daddy one. How many apples does she have left?” ✻✻ Bake and talk about how many teaspoons or cups of an ingredient are needed.

Introduce your child to maths terminology.

Using toys (or food items or shoes) ask how many teddy bears they have? Which one is the smallest/biggest? Which one is first, second, last, and so on.

open days ✻✻ An open day is an opportunity for parents to get a feel for the school and to decide whether the environment is a good fit for their children. ✻✻ Shop around and look at a minimum of three schools. ✻✻ Take your children with you. Should the open day be more formal, possibly a presentation in the evening, arrange for a return visit with your child. ✻✻ When at the school, look out for the things that the school hasn’t put on specifically for the open day and check the noticeboards to see what’s happening daily. ✻✻ Every child has their specific strengths and weaknesses, and you need to find a school that will help your child to thrive.

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book extract

real food lunchboxes In My Low Carb Kitchen, VICKIE DE BEER shares easy, yet delicious recipes for a low-carb lifestyle.

speedy ham rolls

These are great for picnics, and you can place any filling inside. A mix of avocado, red onion and cocktail tomatoes is delicious. makes 12 ingredients 12 slices gypsy or country ham 250ml (1 cup) full-fat cream cheese 100g mixed vegetables such as cabbage, carrot, celery and zucchini – sliced thinly julienne a small handful of basil or coriander leaves, roughly chopped freshly ground black pepper method 1 Spread a slice of ham thickly with cream cheese and place a small bundle of veggies at the bottom of the ham slice. Sprinkle some basil and pepper over. Roll the ham up tightly. Secure with a toothpick if necessary. Repeat with the rest of the ingredients. per 100g • energy: 109kcal • protein: 7g • fat: 9g • carbs: 2g allergens: dairy

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lemon and poppy seed sweet muffins makes 12

ingredients 125ml (½ cup) chia seeds, ground 125ml (½ cup) water zest of 2 lemons 30ml (2 Tbsp) poppy seeds 500ml (2 cups) almond flour 180ml xylitol 80ml (⅓ cup) coconut flour

80ml Whey protein powder 15ml (1 Tbsp) baking powder 5ml (1 tsp) salt 180ml milk 3 eggs 50g melted butter 2,5ml (½ tsp) vanilla essence

method 1 Preheat the oven to 180°C. Grease a 12-hole muffin pan with butter.

2 Combine the ground chia seeds and water in a small bowl and set aside.

3 Combine the lemon zest, poppy seeds, almond flour, xylitol, coconut flour, Whey protein powder, baking powder and salt in a large bowl.

4 In a separate bowl, whisk the milk, eggs, melted butter and vanilla essence together.

5 Add the soaked chia seeds (they should have absorbed all the water by now) to the milk mixture and whisk until the mixture is completely free of lumps.

6 Fold the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients using a whisk or big spoon until the mixture is well combined.

7 Pour into the greased muffin pan and bake for 35 minutes or until golden brown and a skewer comes out clean.

PHOTOGRAPHS: CRAIG FRASER

make it savoury: Make the muffins according to the recipe but leave out the poppy seeds and xylitol.

Add 250ml (1 cup) grated zucchini and 150g feta, crumbled, to the mixture instead. lemon and poppy seed muffins per 100g • energy: 234kcal • protein: 10g • fat: 14g • carbs: 10g allergens: dairy, egg, tree nut zucchini and feta muffins per 100g • energy: 210kcal • protein: 11g • fat: 15g • carbs: 10g allergens: dairy, egg, tree nut

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book extract

sausage rolls

The boys used to love the pies they sell at the school tuck shop. These low carb sausage rolls are much healthier – make sure you buy sausages that don’t contain fillers or MSG. makes about 10 ingredients 500g good quality sausage, without added MSG, starches and thickeners 1 quantity low carb pastry dough, refrigerated (180g grated mozzarella, 45ml cream cheese, 1 egg whisked, 375ml almond flour or ground sunflower seeds, 2,5ml salt) method 1 Preheat the oven to 180°C. Line a baking tray with baking paper.

2 Make an incision in the sausage casing along the length of the whole sausage, using a sharp knife. Remove the casing and keep the sausage meat aside until needed.

3 Roll the dough out between two layers of baking paper to form a rectangle of about 20cm x 30cm. Divide the sausage meat into two equal lengths. Place the first half of the sausage meat on the bottom end of the pastry. Use the baking paper under the pastry to lift the pastry up and roll it over the sausage meat. Cut off the pastry along the length of the sausage meat, making sure that you cut the pastry wide enough to completely encase the sausage meat. Using your fingers, pinch the pastry closed to seal the sausage roll.

Repeat with the remaining sausage and pastry. Cut the big rolls into pieces that are each 5–7cm long and place them on the baking sheet with the seam sides down.

4 Bake in the oven for 20 minutes or until golden brown and puffed up. Keep in the fridge for 4–5 days. per 100g • energy: 326kcal • protein: 18g • fat: 28g • carbs: 4g allergens: dairy, egg, tree nuts

cheesy meatballs

These really freeze marvellously. I sometimes double up the quantity and make half of the mixture into burger patties. makes 12 ingredients 500g beef mince 1 onion, chopped 1 medium carrot, peeled and coarsely grated 1 small zucchini, coarsely grated 60ml (¼ cup) home-made tomato sauce or passata (Italian tomato purée, available from supermarkets) 160ml (⅔ cup) grated cheddar 5ml (1 tsp) psyllium husks 5ml (1 tsp) salt 45ml (3 Tbsp) olive oil method 1 Combine the mince, onion, carrot, zucchini, tomato sauce, grated cheddar, psyllium husks and salt in a big mixing bowl. Mix until well combined.

2 Roll the mixture into small bite-sized meatballs.

3 Heat the olive oil in a frying pan over medium heat and fry the meatballs in batches until cooked and golden brown, about 10 minutes. per 100g • energy: 365kcal • protein: 14g • fat: 33g • carbs: 4g allergens: dairy

about the book

My Low Carb Kitchen is an easy, accessible, step-bystep guide to living a low-carb lifestyle. It tells you which foods to eliminate and which to include to be healthy and full of energy. With over 50 mouthwatering recipes, weekly meal plans and shopping lists, you will be organised in no time.

The book is published by Quivertree Publications (quivertreepublications.com) and is available at all good bookstores for a recommended retail price of R295.

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what’s on in february Compiled by simone jeffery

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Joburg International Mozart Festival An annual event commemorating Mozart’s birthday from 27 January–5 February at venues across Gauteng. There is a family concert at the Linder Auditorium in Parktown on 5 February at 11am, featuring Pieter and the Horrible Hyena and an introduction to the orchestra. For more info: joinmozart-festival.org

Lunchbox class Get lunchbox ideas. Booking essential. The class takes place at Little Cooks Club, 67 Troupant Ave, Magaliessig from 9:30am–12pm and costs R420. Contact 076 944 2939 or tamsynw@littlecooksclub.co.za

1 The Learning Point High School Exhibition From 1:30pm–5pm on 1 February: Grayston Preparatory School; 8 February: Glenanda Primary School; 15 February: Parkview Senior Primary School.

For more info 061 296 4141 or natasha@thelearningpoint.co.za Stars from the Apollo An evening of comedy featuring top comedians who have all played at the Apollo Theatre in London: Andy Parsons, Nathan Caton, Romesh Ranganathan and Stewart Francis. Watch them at Montecasino’s Teatro at 8pm. Also on 4 February. Parental guidance is advised due to language. Book through computicket.com

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Access an extended calendar online at

childmag.co.za

or submit an event for March before 3 February to joburg@childmag.co.za

1 André the Hilarious Hypnotist André is back with his side splitting one-man show in which he gets members of the audience to do various strange and incredibly entertaining routines. He is performing at the Studio Theatre in Montecasino until 19 March. Book through computicket.com

4 Kinder Theatre: Bella and the Bloukopkoggelmander A physical theatre and puppet show that starts at 10am at Kinderspiel, 39A Greenhill Rd in Emmarentia. Also at 3:30pm on 7 February. Booking essential.

Contact them on 011 646 0870 or kinderspiel@telkomsa.net

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PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

calendar

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Raspberry picking at The Field The Field Berry Farm in Elandsfontein/Walkerville offers raspberry picking from 10am–3pm every Saturday and Sunday until the end of March (weather permitting).

Take along picnic gear. For more info: thefieldberryfarm. wordpress.com

11 Valentine’s picnic Take your own blankets, chairs, umbrellas and refreshments for a fundraising picnic in aid of the San Salvador Home for intellectually disabled women.

Suitable for 18 years old and older. The picnic is from 12pm–3pm at 19 Melville Rd, Hyde Park (entrance in First Rd) and costs R250 which includes a picnic hamper for two. Contact Sheilagh on 082 653 5128 or sheilagh@ chantillynetworking.co.za

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7 Blue Man Group The bald and blue trio communicate a humorous perspective on our world, pure human emotion, and surprisingly sophisticated ideas without saying a word, allowing the audience to enjoy the show on many levels, with no language barrier. They are performing at Montecasino’s Teatro until 5 March. Book through computicket.com

The Lego Batman Movie Lego Batman now stars in his own big-screen adventure, where there are big changes brewing in Gotham. If he wants to save the city from the Joker’s hostile takeover, Batman may have to drop the lone vigilante thing and try to work with others. For more info: numetro. co.za or sterkinekor.com

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12 The King’s Singers The UK’s most popular a cappella ensemble performs at 4pm at the Linder Auditorium in Parktown.

Tickets cost R545–R695 and are available through computicket.com

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14 calendar

Valentine’s coffee date

Pop in at the Earth Centre, 125 Peter Rd, Ruimsig, from 9:30am–12pm, for coffee and cake to raise money for SARDA Gauteng. Entrance is R60. Book by 7 February through info@earthcentre.org. za or earthcentre.org.za Brescia House School Grade 8 evaluations From 8am–12pm, the school is holding diagnostic evaluation and scholarship examinations for Grade 7 girls wishing to join the school in Grade 8 2018. There is a registration fee of R500. To register, contact them on 011 706 7404 or admissions@brescia.co.za

15 Cresco School’s Parent Club A place where parents and grandparents can share advice, off-load and meet like-minded people. Children are welcome to join. Space is limited. The club meets from 10am–12pm at 8 Hennie Alberts St, Brackenhurst, Alberton. Contact Sam on 011 867 1139 or info@ crescoschool.co.za The Color Fest U18 Under 18s can dress in white for the festival of colour that is held at Innesfree Park in Sandton. The safe, secure and alcohol-free event runs from 12pm–10pm and offers electronic music aimed at an under 18 crowd. For more info: thecolourfest.co.za

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18 Andy Griffiths talk and book signing Andy Griffiths, author of the Treehouse series, is in-store to chat to his fans and sign your books.

He visits Exclusive Books Bedfordview at 10:30am and Exclusive Books Hyde Park on Sunday, 19 February at 10:30am.

For more info: childrensbooks@ panmacmillan.co.za

24 Beeld Holiday Show The show at Gallagher Estate in Midrand runs until 26 February and is for those who love caravanning and camping, and who want to find out more about new destinations.

Leading manufacturers of caravans and the camping industry show their wares. For more info: holidayshow.co.za or to book: webtickets.co.za

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Lipizzaner’s annual barn dance

Enjoy games, prizes, food and a performance

by Armand the Singing Cowboy. It starts at 6pm and costs R100–R110. The centre is at 1 Dahlia Rd, Kyalami.

For more info: 079 716 4792 (8am–1pm Monday–Friday) or lipizzaner@hixnet.co.za

24 Klimt’s Way workshop Children 9–12 years old are introduced to the magical world of Gustav Klimt and make their own Klimt collage from 2:30pm–4:30pm at Henry George Gallery in Parkhurst. It costs R250. Take buttons, bits of fabric, pom-poms, glitter, coloured cardboard and paint.

To book, sms: 079 887 9512 or mandy@henrygeorge.co.za

holiday programme The Expressions Centre mid-term holiday programme The centre in Carlswald is holding a fun-filled, activitypacked holiday programme that is suitable for children from 4 years old. It runs from 24–27 February, 7:30am–5:30pm or half day until 1:30pm, and costs R280 for full day or R200 for half day. Contact Carla on 082 402 8169, carla@expressionsinfocus.co.za or expressionsinfocus.co.za

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markets Blubird Wholefood Market A vibrant market with fresh, home-baked croissants and pastries, authentic Italian bakes and delicacies, French desserts and macaroons, spices, raw honey, organic veggies, freshly pressed juices and lots more. The market takes place from 9am–2pm every Sunday at the Blubird Shopping Centre in Birnam.

Contact Robyn on 083 311 4768 or blubird.co.za Bryanston Organic and Natural Market A market of self-crafted products including jewellery, clothing, accessories, decor, homeware, ceramics, art and collectables and organic food. The market runs every Thursday and Saturday from 9am–3pm at 40 Culross Rd in Bryanston. Contact them on 011 706 3671, enquiries@bryanstonorganicmarket.co.za or bryanstonorganicmarket.co.za Ngwenya Country Market A monthly market where you can meet with local vendors and farmers offering fresh organic delights and a range of art and crafts, and enjoy live music and family fun in a unique environment.

The market is on 5 February from 9am–3pm at Ngwenya Glass Village, off the R114 and Beyers Naudé Dr, Muldersdrift. Contact Viv on 082 497 6054 The Cedar Square Crafters and Food Market Cedar Square Shopping Centre’s monthly market is on 11 and 25 February, from 10am–2pm. Additionally, the Stall Night Market is at the centre on 16 February from 5pm–9pm. For more info, go to Facebook: Cedar Square Shopping Centre

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open days

Andrews Academy and Preparatory School Find out more about this school that caters to learners from Grade R–A levels, and provides Cambridge International Education and certification for Checkpoint, IGCSE and AS/A Levels. The open day is on 18 February from 10am–2pm at 1 Vosloo St, cnr Republic Rd, Windsor Glen, Randburg.

Contact Caryn on 011 431 0631, info@andrewsacademy. co.za or andrewsacademy.co.za Bateleur College Go on a private tour of the college from 8am–11am every Friday during the school term. Booking essential. The school caters to learners from Grade R–7.

The college is at 371 Boundary Rd, North Riding. Contact Chandré on 010 222 0714 or bateleurcollege.co.za Brescia House School All ages can see the school in action, meet the teachers and view the facilities on 11 February from 9am–12pm. The school caters to learners from Grade 0–12. Brescia House is on Pytchley Rd in Bryanston. Contact them on 011 706 7404 or brescia.co.za Crawford Schools On 15 February, view the facilities and find out more about what is on offer at the schools in Bedfordview, Fourways, Lonehill and Sandton. Times vary at each school. For more info: crawfordschools.co.za Curro Aurora The school is open from 8am on 25 February for interested parents to view the facilities and meet the teachers. They cater to learners from Grade 000– 12 and is situated on Taurus Rd, Sundowner, Randburg.

Contact them on 011 795 7100, info@aurora.co.za or curro.co.za/gauteng/curro-aurora Dainfern College Parents and their children meet the principals and tour the facilities on 2 February from 9am–10am. The college caters to learners from Grade 0–12. Contact Mrs Dornan on 011 469 0635, kdornan@ dainferncollege.co.za or dainferncollege.co.za

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Founders Hill College Find out more about this independent school on 11 February from 9am–12pm.

The school caters to learners from Grade 0–8 and is situated at 39 Pinelands Rd, Modderfontein. Contact them on 060 872 4580, admin@foundershillcollege.co.za or foundershillcollege.co.za Holy Rosary School for Girls View the school and meet the teachers and learners of this Catholic day school for girls from Grade 0–12. The open day is on 11 February, 9am–11:30am at 113 Horwood St, Edenvale. Contact them on 011 457 0900, deidre@holyrosaryschool.co.za or holyrosaryschool.co.za Kairos School of Inquiry info talk On 25 February at 9am for 9:30am–11:30am, parents can find out more about the holistic education offered at the school. They cater to learners from Grade 0–7. The school is situated at 12 Sabie Rd in Emmarentia. Contact them on 011 646 6221, info@ kairosschool.co.za or kairosschool.co.za Kingsmead College Parents can find out more about this Christian girls’ school. On 7 February, the senior school, is open to view from 3pm–5pm. Then on 9 February, the junior school, catering to learners from 0–12 years old, is open from 8am–1pm. The college is on 132 Oxford Rd, Melrose, Rosebank. For more info: 011 731 7400 or kingsmead.co.za Knights Preparatory School Parents can visit this private Christian school, which is fully inclusive, offering bridging classes in addition to mainstream classes. The school caters to learners from Grade 000–7. The open day is on 3 or 17 February, 9am–10:30am at Milner Rd, Kensington B, Ferndale. Contact them on 011 789 6778, admissions@knightsprep.co.za or knightsprep.co.za Redhill High School The school caters for students from KG–Grade 12. The open day is on 22 February at 10:30am–1:30pm and 3:30pm–5:30pm. The high school is at 20 Summit Rd, Sandton. Contact them on 011 783 4707, admissions@redhill.co.za or redhill.co.za

St Andrew’s information morning For parents interested in the intake process at St Andrew’s School for Girls in Bedfordview for Grade 0 and Grade 8 in 2018. The Grade 8 information evening is at 5:30pm on 9 February and the Grade 0 information morning is at 8:30am on 11 February. Contact Belinda on 011 453 9408/9, braubenheimer@standrews.co.za or standrews.co.za St Stithians Girls Preparatory On 7 February, St Stithians Girls’ Preparatory at 40 Peter Place in Sandton welcomes parents of learners in Grade 3–7 to find out more. Registration is from 7:30am, and the programme runs from 8am–10am. For more info: 011 577 6334, bkitule@stithian.com or stithian.com St Teresa’s School Parents with daughters in Grade 00–3 can view the facilities and meet the staff at this wellestablished school for girls. The open day is on 18 February from 9am–12pm at 30 Rutland Rd, Craighall Park. Contact them on 011 442 9127 or stteresas.co.za Summit College On 1 March from 9am–12pm, the doors of the college are open to parents. The college caters to learners from 2 years old and is on the corner of Lynx Rd and Caracal Rd in Kyalami. Contact them on 011 048 5400, info@summitcollege.co.za or summitcollege.co.za The National School of the Arts Find out more about this school that specialises in performing and creative arts, and also offers specialist tuition in art, dance, drama and music alongside the full academic curriculum. The school caters to 11–16 year olds. The open day is on 25 February from 8:30am–1pm. National School of the Arts is at 17 Hoofd St in Braamfontein. Contact Charmaine on 011 339 6539, pro@artschool.co.za or artschool.co.za Unity College On 1 February, from 10:30am–1pm, and get a look at their therapy offerings and the activities and lessons. The college is an independent special-needs school.

They are at 59 Runnymead Ave in Chartwell North Estates and cater to learners from 3–23 years old. Contact Michelle on 011 460 1672, 081 879 5646 or unity-college.org.za

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in the next issue of

how to raise men we’d like to marry choosing the right school for your child does your child need OT?

march is “the good life”

on street 23 February

surviving as a single-income family tips for overcoming bedwetting woes enjoy family lunch the portuguese way

To advertise call: (011) 807 6449 or email: jhbsales@childmag.co.za | Booking deadline: 7 February | Material deadline: 9 February

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family marketplace

let’s party For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/ resources/birthday-parties

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finishing touch

“you’re fired!”

There are times that ANÉL LEWIS wants to resign from parenthood, and at times the children “eliminate her position”, but it only takes a kiss and hug to rectify the situation.

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tantrums should also be fired. Conor is almost four and his outbursts and acts of defiance have become epic.

In fact, when he went on to throw a wobbly of massive proportions, I asked him if he was auditioning to do the Haka with the All Blacks. This did little to stem his screams – clearly my comedic skills were at that moment as unimpressive as my parenting ones. I have to admit that I was tempted to drop him off at the nearest volunteer recruitment tent.

I do feel at times as if nothing I do is good enough for Conor. A few days ago, I had to break the news to him that his beloved chocolate milk was finished and there would be none for breakfast. Well, the meltdown was monumental, culminating in him tossing his favourite cup across the room. Given that I had already been fired, I figured I had nothing more to lose, so I threw the cup into the bin and walked away. I later learnt that he had fished out the cup and taken it to the scullery to be cleaned. But only once he also snitched on me to Dad, saying that I had been rude.

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to reason with a four-year-old who, because of his physical size, looks as if he should be in Grade 1, but who still needs a nightlight to sleep.

And there are days when things get really tough and I want to “resign” before my truculent child decides to publicly fire me. But, then there are those moments when that same little boy can douse the flames of frustration faster than a veteran firefighter. Like when I leave for work and he comes running with arms outstretched, saying: “Mom, kisses and hugs, kisses and hugs.” Or when he curls up next to me on the couch and gently holds my hand while we watch TV. It makes the meltdowns seem minor – well almost – because I know that no matter how many times I may get fired, somewhere in that growing body with its pent-up frustrations and dogged need to test his boundaries, there’s a boy who still holds a flame for his mom.

Anél ended up buying one of the rubber bush fire beaters for Conor so that he can put out imaginary fires in the garden to his heart’s delight when he gets frustrated.

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PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

m

om, you’re fired!” The words rang out across the field during a firefighters’ display, being watched by hundreds of people. Unfortunately, Conor had picked the perfect moment – just as the firefighters were running back to the truck to refill their water packs – to fire me from my parenting duties with immediate effect. This meant that the shout that should have been drowned out by the sound of clanging sirens or the whoosh of water cannons, was instead amplified.

Heads turned. Sympathetic mothers nodded as if to say, “I’ve been there too.” Even the firefighters looked around, thinking their superior had issued an instruction.

The irony of being “fired” during a firefighting display was not lost on me. And, no doubt, much like the poor volunteers beating doggedly at the “bush blaze” that had been set up for their demonstration, I too saw red.

My crime? I had refused to buy what would have been Conor’s sixth fire truck. I have to say, I think the person who coined the phrase “terrible twos” to describe toddlers’

Erin, Anél and Conor

a good read

We’ve rounded up these books to get the whole family reading. For more inspiration visit our online books blog.

for toddlers Colin and Lee, Carrot and Pea

By Morag Hood (Published by Two Hoots, R211) Lee is a pea. All of his friends are peas, except Colin. Colin isn’t a pea. So begins a funny story of two very different friends: a small green pea and a tall orange carrot stick. The book is all about the beauty of making friends with people (or veggies) who are different from you. It is a fantastic story that appeals to the very youngest child – and makes adults laugh out loud.

parenting How to Raise an Adult

By Julie Lythcott-Haims (Published by Blue Bird, R241) In this book, Lythcott-Haims highlights the ways in which overparenting harms children, their stressed-out parents, and society at large. She offers practical strategies that underline the importance of allowing children to make their own mistakes and develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success. Relevant to parents of toddlers, and of special value to parents of teens, this book is a rallying cry for those who wish to ensure that the next generation can take charge of their own lives with competence and confidence.

books for preschoolers to early graders Grade R Workbook series

By Mart Meij and the Best Books panel (Published by Best Books, R81 each) The All-In-One Grade R Workbook series includes exercises to enrich the child’s knowledge of subjects such as life skills, mathematics, home language and more. The books also include instructions and hints for the teacher and parent and they have line drawings that can be coloured in to develop motor skills. The books can be used as a valuable assessment tool and are compiled according to the Curriculum and Assessment Policy Statement.

for early graders The Terrific Times Tables Book and The Great Grammar Book

By Kate Petty and Jennie Maizels (Published by Walker Books, R299 each) Times tables have never been so much fun. Learn to chant them, shout them, memorise them and enjoy them. In both books children play with wheels, lift flaps and pull tabs to learn all about nouns, punctuation and sentences, and all the times tables up to 12. With these fun books children use a mirror to discover what a pronoun is, or join Noah as he counts the animals into the ark.

for pre-teens and teens Children’s Illustrated Encyclopedia Senior editor: Ann Kramer (Published by DK Children, R457) From dinosaurs to digital technology, this encyclopedia explores more than 380 topics. Arranged from A–Z, all inserts are illustrated with dramatic photos, cut-aways, charts and maps. It is written in a clear and child-friendly style and has been fully updated to include recent space missions, scientific breakthroughs and the latest political, social and cultural events.