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Step 2: Become a rapist. Hear me out!! Most professional sports players need good cardiovascular system thing;I sucked at A level PE, and it is a fact that loads of sex is a good work out. With my suggestion of rape you get the work out that is required to improve your cardiovascular system AND a wresting match which improves your core strength!! Plus it helps your determination and self motivation to succeed because if you lose … you go to jail and wear one of the orange suits, then you will not be the one doing the raping, just think about Mr, not mrs or ms or whatever you females like to call yourselves! This is a vital step to becoming a true athlete … how’d you think Mo did it eh??

This is a joke we are not suggesting the great Mo Farah does anything in which we have describe in the paragraph adjacent. WE LOVE YOU MO!

Step 3: Find and Learn the way of the blind backwards walking badger whilst taking shrooms, magical shrooms. All will become clear once you end this enlightening quest. Step 4: Finally, the most important step to becoming an athlete, take a shit ton of drugs. I do specify in the drugs you can take, only take the drugs that make you hench or go friggin crazy hyper: Steroids, tuna cause that shit krayzie! Blood dope, enhanced testosterone hormones, enough cocaine to keep Al Pacino happy, inject liquid Viagra, MDMA and stroke a baby porcupine. If you do all these drugs at the same time there is no chance anybody can possible defeat you in any sporting event because you’ll be on cloud 9, running at supersonic speeds, eating all the yogurt you desire. Unfortunately my last protégé went over board, Pete Doherty. He had dreams of being steeplechase Olympian. One day I found him, naked and fully clothed wresting a mirage of himself in disguise as an Arabian Christian …

CheerUp Issue 10  

This issue we have a chat with Andy Burrows, cross the ocean to talk to Seahaven, not to mention a deep chat with Ankit Love and last but by...

CheerUp Issue 10  

This issue we have a chat with Andy Burrows, cross the ocean to talk to Seahaven, not to mention a deep chat with Ankit Love and last but by...

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