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Most random News of the week A goat. US petting zoo. A lot of water. The goat was drowning, far beneath its goatee depths, and all looked for the worse. Who would replace the little goat if he perished? That goat has style, and beauty. Alright, its only a goat. But it needed saving. So who else could save it, but PIGMAN!!! Come on pigman, you can save the goat! And the Pig flew into the water, with all its fat pinkness and its cape (I’m exaggerating, but can you imagine?) and rescued the awesome little goat. PIG SAVES DAY. We love pig. Ugg. I caveman.

“That Goat Has Style And Beauty”

Un-sung Hero(s) of the Week “

Humans

Are

Capable Of

Great Things!”

Well, the obvious answer here would be the paralympians. And yeah, they are heroes. But this is unsung heroes, we are talking sung heroes when we mention the athletes. Now we are talking about the ones who aren’t mentioned. You. Us. Everybody. The people who watched the Paralympics, the people who marvelled, the people who tweeted and loved them. Those vocally awed by the actions of the humans on screen. Humans are amazing. Humans are capable of great things, and I believe that it is about time that the humans off screen were announced amazing. Because you truly are ladies and gentlemen, you truly are!


For most people the name Andrew William Burrows may not ring any bells. This is all about to change. Andy is a British musician, best known as the drummer the Razorlight and as guest drummer for We Are Scientists. However this talented songwriter and multi-instrumentalist is now embarking on a solo project. Andy has finished recording his stunning solo album, ‘Company’, and is ready to hit the road. ‘Company’ is the sound of an artist who’s thrown the shackles off and is starting to emerge as a bewilderingly exciting solo artist. Naturally we couldn’t wait to have a chat with the man and find out how he’s found going solo! How have you found the experience of producing a solo album without being part of the band environment? I found it pretty good, I kinda had an intro after producing the Christmas album with Tom Smith, we had a similar set up, the only difference was having no Tom. So I had slightly done it before. But yeah it was great to be focusing more on the music and to be working on how the whole thing sounded ect. Did you get to do it all your way making the key decisions? Yeah kind of, although Tim Baxter who I did the record with was very key to how the whole record turned out. It’s really good though, I’ve only just started getting into the whole production side, in the last couple of years. How have you found the transformation between the drummer to the leading man? Do you feel like Phil Collins? Do I feel like Phil Collins, ha-ha I’d love that! Its abit weird, the reason why singing solo for me is good, is that I’m singing my own songs. With drumming you tend to be drumming to other people’s tunes just sitting in the background, being the back bone of the band. Although I’ll always feel slightly more comfortable on the drums. How did you feel replacing the original Razor light drummer? For a little bit it was abit strange, because they were already up and running and had a fan base and their songs were on the radio, but I came in fairly early, so it was abit daunting coming in and sitting in someone else shoe, but at the end of the day it was moving so fast it wasn’t long before I felt like I’d settled in.


Do you think being part of a big band helped you develop as a musician? Yeah definitely it gave me confidence, I didn’t have a great deal of that before and I certainly didn’t have any as a song writer. I think Jonny definitely was key to giving me confidence and making me feel I was more that a drummer! With your new project, are the members of Razorlight still supportive as a band network? Do you still get along? And have they had any influences on the new album? No none of them are supportive, none of them talk to me, and I guess they’re still pissed off. It was a fairly intense experience and leaving was no exception. I speak a little bit to Björn who now plays with Lucy Rose the Guitarist. But Jonny hasn’t spoken a word to me since I left, I’ve written to him, but I guess that’s how it goes. Are they the subject of what I write about? Yes! It was a fairly intense full on relationship with somebody. What inspired the new album? Life and relationships, love and loss. I travel a lot and have done since the start of Razorlight and leaving my family is something I always find difficult. Probably my relationship with Jonny has a lot of influence in there. I would like to pretend that I’ve forgotten all about that and it’s has nothing to do with my music but it probably has.

Are you excited to be going on tour? Yeah I can’t wait! I’ve only done two shows at the moment a tiny one in London and a show in Belgium and it was amazing, I want to be doing it all the time! I’m so happy with this album, and I’m very excited to be starting this campaign, I’ve just got a band together to play the shows and I can’t wait to get out a do as much as possible. Are you looking forward to a new fan base or do you think it will be much the same as the Razorlight fan base? No I think it’s a lot of new people, I think it’s been building up over the last two and a half years. I did a sort of solo album in 2010 and I think it’s been building up since then. I think I’ve been slowly building up a small but loyal fan base. I guess some of them are from the early Razorlight days, to be honest it’s exciting to meet people coming to my shows, knowing some of them have been there from the start and some of them are just getting in to my music now.

How would you CheerUp the world? I dunno how I’d cheer up the world, I guess music and laughing is the best way! The only way I could even try to cheer someone up is to sing them a song or try and make them laugh. Which isn’t particularly original but I think it’s the only hope I’d have.


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Absolut Vodka 70cl Bargin Booze £15.50

Pot Noodle Tesco £1.00

Papermate Pens Staples £2.49 Lever Arch File Tesco £0.97


The killers are releasing a brand new album, the killers a band from Las Vegas, a band who's frontman is a happy Mormon, a band who after the release of Hot Fuss rocketed to fame!, Hot fuss as an album is A simply one of the best albums of the 21st century, the album is modelled on U2s All you cant leave behind as Brendan flowers is a self professed lover To You of U2 saying that “U2 were a band I could listen to in the dark in my room with no one around and fall in love with them again every time I heard them.” Hot fuss has several amazing singleswhich work together to make a must listen to album, 4 piece from Las Vegas kick the album off with jenny was a friend of mine, a classic about the death of a loved friend of Brendan flowers who killed themselves, the song portrays the interrogation of the police on flowers as he is a suspect in the suicide, the songs mix of simple lyrics and opening with helicopters has made it a song that is instantly recognisable. The next song on the album is the show stopper, the most recognisable and probablyfamous song for the killers and its Mr Brightside, a song that has repeating versus and choruses but the upbeat sound of the song with the almost sad lyrics has made it a top song and the jewel in the crown of Hot Fuss. You are then given two brilliant songs that individually on any other album would have been the top song and most played but in this album are merely shadowed by other songs and these

Hot Fuss

Must Listen Before

Die Album”

are smile like you mean it and somebody told me, both songs are simply brilliant both so very unique, smile like you mean having some of the catchiest guitars and intro ever and somebody told me having one of the catchiest choruses ever! Both songs are brilliant and really elevate this album above other albums like day and age and Sam’s town, finally the song that was ridiculed for having a poor outro/chorus all these things that I've done is beautifully made, lyrically, the build up is fantastic and it’s a song of hope and promise, it’s a song that manages to motivate people and finishes the album perfectly and allows listeners to experience the best of The Killers, to put it simply this album is full of 5 amazing songs that individually on any other album would make that album amazing but, together have Hot Fuss a must listen to before you die album.


Ankit, Will You Make Love? Ankit Love is such a mysterious man. A brilliant song writer, intelligent beyond belief, growing every day. He’s gearing up for a big release this Autumn. Forever, his latest masterpiece, is set to blow his fans away with references to space, and funky, but groovy rhythms. His music video for Beethoven Burst (a really clever song inspired by space) really blows the mind – though some of it is weirder than Noel Fielding dressed as a tree. Watching him parade his sexuality throughout the video, one often forgets that the man is lucky to be alive. The indestructible interview is shown below.

listener take other things on bored. A lot of the time music is about letting go and having a good time, and I think I work on that as well as taking the more intelligent side. I like my music to allow the listeners to get involved and consider the lyrics if they want to.

Your music is very culturally accepted, is this reflective of you as a person? Yeah, I’ve lived across the three continents and around loads of oceans like the Indian, pacific and oceanic, and when you go to international schools everybody is from a different place, like my room mates were Saudi Arabian and … What is your greatest achievement? I find myself dipping into these Being alive to be honest. When I was in experiences during every day discussions the car crash, at 150mph I flew through the and yeah, I am a very cultured guy. windscreen, I feelso lucky to be alive. Just going through that and surviving can pick Ankit Love, a man blessed with charisma me up whenever I feel down or whatever. and intelligence, and eerily similar to Wagner. Remember him? Scary feller from What do you find inspiring? X Factor that disappeared quickly, I find a lot of things inspiring, but probably into some creepy club of middle particularly for this album I’ve been age men who take it in turns perving on inspired by a lot of nature, and our their neighbours. relationship with the universe. Its strange how we’re so small, and how black holes Thankfully, Ankit is not Wagner, and is suck everything up. Also how we as instead an incredible artist. When we people are on a mission both spiritually asked him How would you CheerUp the and physically to know the universe. world? He replied... That’s the best Those have inspired me greatly with this question ever! I would make people realise album. that they can be peaceful with each other and they don’t have to fight and they can You seem to be more intelligent than most just be in agreement! other pop stars. How does that help you? Well I’m not sure about that, but maybe. I Please don’t hesitate to purchase the mean sometimes it could be good, like it brand new album! You won’t be can add to the journey and add to your disappointed! experience of the world, and help the


ONES TO WATCH

Ilia Darlin You released a song Even When I Lose I’m winning. Do you feel that this is representative of you? Yes, I feel that I must feel like this, it is important to be happy at all times. Do you feel this is an important belief for all of Greece to have at this moment of crisis? Wow, well it hasn’t really affected me but I like to think that I can inspire other people through the times of hardship. It is difficult for the Greek at this time and it is important that we all be strong. Did you always think music would be the way forward for you? Yes, it is what I always wanted to do. I’m glad I am a musician as it is what I love. How important is your image to your career?

There are more important things, people think I am all about the image but actually I want to stand out for other reasons and not just the boring ones. There is some focus on my image but it is not essential.

“People Think I’m

All About The

Image

But I Want To

Stand Out Other Reasons”

For


Starlight Theatre How much do you love being a musician? When I was growing up music was always more than something I just did for fun, having both parents being very talented and involved musicians in different scenes it was only natural that music was never a hobby, it was more something that has been built into me that needed to get out. I have always loved every second of playing (regardless of instrument) and being a musician was a no brainer for me. Will you always call Brisbane home? Brisbane will always be the home of homes, but home is definitely where the heart is, and playing with Starlight Theatre and having us all on the same page I think home will be wherever our music is. Can you think of one moment so far when you truly felt brilliant? It's hard to pick a time because I'm not the kind of guy to revel in my own glory, anything I do is for the good of the music and for the band. I guess when writing new tracks when everything seems to just happen is a buzz, forcing a song out is never something we want to do so when it happens naturally it's definitely a big rush and leaves me feeling accomplished and stoked to be working with such talented guys. Why will people love you guys? Hopefully because we're such nice guys! ha-ha. But in seriousness I want people to like us because the music that we create is something that inspires them and makes them want to dance, laugh, cry, and to get everything out of music I've always got when I was growing up.

What is the dream for you? To do what I love all around the world, and to create something timeless with Starlight Theatre. To put my mark on music and use what I've got in me to stretch the boundaries and create new and exciting ways of communicating emotions and stories through sound. Will the UK be graced by your presence soon? Hopefully! We're all pretty stoked to have the chance to go over there to tell people about us and show people our music that they will hopefully enjoy as much as we do. How would you cheer the world up? A lifetime supply of jelly beans for everyone! ha-ha

“

Musician Was A No Brainer Me� Being A

For


Band of Horses! Hold on to your horses, and your guitars, because jolly country rock is on its way back! Band of Horses are rocking the country tune, with their new album Mirage Rock. The name is suitable, as it does make you believe its rock, but honestly, its not very rocky. The album begins with some swaying. Knock Knock is the opening track and is exceptionally relaxing, as well as calming. The Awooo awooo not only reminds the listener of owls, but offers a brilliant feeling of unification from the band. The second song is How To Live, offering good instructions about life itself. The song puts the band in the position of the fighter, as if they’ve been knocked knock

Muse – The 2nd Law October 2nd


again. But they don’t sound knocked down. The only negative thing about this track is that it doesn’t contain enough punch. It could do with some venom added within it to knock the listener’s socks off of their cautious toes. This slow start continues up to track five, with slow songs drifting into slow songs, acting as a sort of lullaby. Until, of course, the album explodes. Not literally, there are no shards of CD scattered around the place, but metaphorically there is plenty! Crikey. . Dumpster World kicks arse, going from a pace of zero to full on 100 with the kick ass guitars and heavy drums. Its like Cowboys on crack from this point on, with the slow feel making way for a chirpier feel, with some punk shot into the country rock.

.

Ellie Goulding – Halcyon October 8th

The middle of the CD could be the soundtrack to a film about cowboy rebellion. This lasts for another four tracks, with Electric Music offering some speedy, but less punkie rock, and Everything’s Gunna Be Undone offering some classy country rock. The song Feud is another highlight for the record, with angrier sounds fusing off of it. Band of Horses show a strange sign of being influenced by punk on this record, but only in the middle of it! The end two tracks are both slower again, finishing off with the toned down version of the beginning. Overall, it’s a good album, but too slow at times to get the heart pumping and keep the full interest!

Mellowhype – Number October 2nd

PLAYLIST The Script- Hall Of Fame Example- Say Nothing Phil Collins- Sussudio You Me At Six- Underdog

Why? – Mumps etc. October 9th


Heart Breaker Club- I Love Me Too T-Shirt Perfect for making a bold statement and turning a few heads,this T-shirt from the Heart Breaker Club creates a sharp look that is bang on trend! http://heartbreakerclub.co.uk


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Daisy Lawless Photographer: Darryl Merkli


Jamie Powell Photographer: Darryl Merkli


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Jess Leathem Photographer: Darryl Merkli


Zara Brooke Photographer: Darryl Merkli


To all our proud Olympic athletes, we solute you Great Britain!


There is a band in the small country of America that is waiting to explode. Seahaven. Beautiful, heartfelt, meaningful. Its everything pop isn’t, and everything music should be. That accent. That guitar riff. Those drums. Seahaven have got it. All they need now is an atom bomb to spread their word. So here’s what the Calafornians have to say.

What did you guys make of the reaction when Winter Forever was released? It's been a slow and steady positive response which we are all very happy with. How big do you think you can be? Very odd question. We all have very big dreams so hopefully somewhere in the middle. Did you ever think you'd make it this far? Yes and no. We feel very fortunate and appreciative to be where we are, yet at the same time we're nowhere near where we want to be. Do you ever feel that you may have left your past behind by flying into music? Once again, yes and no. We made the choice to make this our life. Committing your life to art takes a lot of sacrifice, big and small, but there really is no option. This is what we are supposed to do, this is what we love, so we're not really leaving anything behind if this is what we chose to do. Are you excited for your big support slots in the next month? Absolutely. We just announced a tour with The Early November and Cartel which we are very excited for. We never really fit in with all our pop punk/hardcore friends, so this should be a great experience. What's going to happen in the near future for Seahaven? Well we never like to reveal too much, but we're planning some cool things. Shh. If you could be a superhero, what superhero would it be? I'm not too educated on superheroes, so I might be bashed by my comic book savvy friends. I would probably say Iron Man. So I could pretty much just be an intelligent normal guy and not be haunted by some traumatizing past. How would you cheer up the world? I'm not the best person to ask haha. Wish I knew. The feeling within Seahaven’s camp is a strange one. Down to earth, ambitious, but no sign of overkill. The band have everything they need to unlock greatness, we urge that you help them on this incredible path, because everyone knows a band is nothing without the strength of their fanbase! So get Tweeting and Facebooking them! We love Seahaven, and we hope you do too!


Friends. Not just a big hit comedy series almost entirely responsible for the now permanent canned laughter that plays over comedy sitcoms, but also what keep the world together. Relationships give us power. They give us hope, they help us keep sane. When the world kicks us in the balls whose there? Friends. Not Ross, Monica and Rachel but our friends. The people we love, the people we need, the people we want to be there. They know how to make us smile how to make us feel loved, how to keep us grinning even in the darkest of moments. Sure, sometimes they can be huge arseholes with penises on their faces but that is what they’re for. Friends know when to stop and when to start. When you need them and when you don’t. The world wouldn’t go round without friends. Science argues against that but I don’t. We need each other. And we know it. So for god’s sake enjoy your friendships, when I see friends arguing it makes me sick!

As much as we don’t condone violence of any sort in this mag, OR any hatred towards any celebrities what so ever (unless they’re complete twats). This tweet of the issue is honestly – brilliant. The hilarious Will Ferrell tweeted

@Willferrel “Sitting in the green room with Justin Bieber… must resist urge to roundhouse kick him in his midget face” BEFORE you ‘beliebers’ out there send us hate – we love this tweet for the idea of Will Ferrell being able to even do a roundhouse kick – you kidding me? That guy is too tall and too unfit to be able to do that? Such a funny guy!


67% 83%

Musical Chairs

Crotch-less Trousers

Crotch-less trousers Since chavs seem to believe that trousers don’t need crotches, why not cut out the middle man and start making them without. Save material and ensure that chavs remain chavs by enforcing them to wear these horrible things. I DON’T LIKE SEEING CHAV BUTT. That may surprise you, but its true. Say no to chav arse. Musical Chairs Musical chairs is a rather popular game for youngsters. But this is an even more awesome version of musical chairs where the chairs actually play music and when they stop, they become tables, so you’re then sitting on a table and everyone calls you a twat for sitting on a table and then you get eaten by a giant gorilla named David Sevenbeard. You follow?


THE SERIES IS OVER AND THERE’S NO QUESTION WHO’S THE MAN So the Doctor has once again fled in his Tardis, leaving his two closest companions behind…

Drama - BBC1

Doctor Who Kettle on, feet up… half of series seven of Doctor Who has come to a close and needs a good reviewing! According to writer and producer Steven Moffat ‘this was the most monster-y series yet!’ After Doctor Who’s 49-year history, they returned once again for a five-part run. It all began with the Time Lord (Matt Smith), Amy (Karen Gillan) and Rory (Arthur Darville) having to face a variety of old and new adversaries. Beginning with their visit to the Asylum of the Daleks.

portrayed to be slightly less sinister than they truthfully are, so this time the dark and menacing territory has been revisited. ‘When you talk about the Daleks some people just go, “Oh they’re only moving pepper pots”. And I say no, no they’re not, they’re aliens in tanks! Psychopathic aliens locked in a tank!” The Daleks really strike a chord with the Doctor, that idea of being trapped inside a casing is his worst fear’ says Matt. The series involved chilling story lines involving Daleks, Dinosaurs, Cyborgs, Black Cubes and of course, the return of the Weeping Angels!

The Dalek saw its first screen action in 1967 and who would’ve thought they’d still be around 45 years later looking scary as ever. It’s been said by Matt Smith, The way the series was introduced was a current actor of the Doctor, that in bit of a long shot, as Daleks have been a previous series’ the Daleks were main part of the drama several times


before, however the initial confusion of the Daleks asking the Doctor, Amy and Rory a favour set up an intriguing story line which can’t really be faulted. Following the previous series’ of the popular sci-fi show, the first half of series seven certainly hasn’t let the highly rated efforts go unnoticed. Each of the five episodes were individually gripping, no doubt reaching high audience figures once again.

which I felt let the series down a little bit. Other than that, the general plot was still as intriguing as ever.

Sadly though, at this end of this series it meant Amy and Rory would be leaving us (the Weeping Angels should never be doubted of their abilities, clearly!). Many great actors and actresses of the hit television drama have been and gone, however this only adds to the long history of all the previous cast who are truly I feel the final episode, ‘The Angels Take admired and well-respected to say the Manhattan’, was slightly disappointing in least. Hopefully Oswol, the replacement comparison to the original ‘Blink’. The first seen as the flirtatious girl trapped within a showing of the ridiculously creep stone Dalek, will be just as good as Gillan and statues left me checking behind me Darville. Hopefully. everywhere I went, this however didn’t. It lacked in eerie music and dark scenes


Okay you guys ready? This shit is getting real now. This review is going to be serious... Isn’t that the biggest fucking lie you’ve ever heard? We don’t call it ‘Cheer Up’ to make you overly depressed with bullshit love stories – so, what film am I looking at this issue? Honestly I didn’t have a bloody clue until 3 minutes ago – so unprepared! Back to the reason why you read this part – the film – The following will be what I; breasts, thinks about the film... AMERICAN REUNION. To all those hermit crab ‘I have no friends’ fools out there who haven't seen this film... You are not my friend, you never were and now you have no chance (I am a good friend to have so you missed out). Anyway this film. Oh my god... How can I put this in a way you will understand... Its the funniest American Pie yet even though it had no reference to pie in the title – personally that ruined it for me because it will always be an American pie right? Exactly – I'm always right. Back to the film. These films are the reason why teenagers don't want to grow up. All you ever do is fuck about and get overly drunk, making embarrassing moments for everyone to laugh at. Being fun! That is exactly what the gang are doing in this film thanks to the King of the Stifler family, Stephen Stifler. All coming together for one weekend to ‘catch up’. Purposely leaving out Stifler so they can avoid the antics – only to discover his life never moved out of the town they grew up in. Bumping into him in a bar, he manages to get them all on side for an EPIC reunion. This film is just the flag flying for these epic films which unfortunately come to an end. So do I ruin it and tell you what's to come? OFCOURSE I FUCKING DO! Mwuahahaha!


So which antic do I begin at? The first one – lets go for some chronological order – that hasn’t been done in a while, making sense – something we don’t do here at Cheer Up. The first night, these guys are getting well and truly wasted in their proper old fashioned way – No don't worry Jim didn't blow his loads over the internet again and he didn't finger blast a pie either – But he did manage to end up on his kitchen floor half naked (bottom half obviously or that is just poor comedy) when his wife (yeah that band geek with the annoying voice is still around – I’m sorry it just annoys me!) and her friend walk in the morning, he attempts to cover his penis and balls up with a saucepan lid – unfortunately it is clear... YES that's right, WE GET TO SEE HIS BEAUTIFULLY SQUASHED PENIS! Fucking love it – well done writers, its what American Pie’s have been missing, a good penis shoved in our faces. That is the first bit – you can watch the film yourself if you want to know the rest. And if that one piece of information doesn’t get you wanting to watch it... Actually if you don't watch this – with or without having a reason. Don't read this mag again... I mean it. You think I'm joking because we aren’t a global hit? Then you are perfectly right. Fuck the rest of the team, I want you guys to read this because I want to be loved! (sad face). In all seriousness though, this film, you need to see it. If you haven't seen the rest, I will lend them to you on DVD as long as you pick them up and return them without scratches! Or blockbuster? You know that shit still exists!! Back to my very important point. Watch them all, you will fall in love with the gang and feel very

much a part of the group (they are awesome, we are awesome, it is just awesome). I actually felt kind of emotional with this last one! Its over, I will never be able to witness new antics from these amazing guys.

Don’t lie, they have made your teenage years full of ideas, they give you the teenage spirit that you never want to lose. It is fair to say that American Pie cast (except that band geek with the annoying voice – its my article my opinion alright guys?!) YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE TIMELESS AND YOU WILL BE FOREVER MISSED... Anyone else tearing up here? Heart sinking feeling? Yup. Its the end of an era... Highlights for the cast JIM – Holding a naked 18year old girl STEPHEN STIFLER – Shitting in a cooler box KEVIN – Thinking he once again fucked Vicky FINCH - he manages to resist Stiflers mom OZ – Getting raped by his hot girlfriend (model)


After a summer of epic performances from our British sportsmen (not women, never the women, I’m trying a new sexist thing at the moment) I thought I would share my expert advice on how to become an awesome athlete, I know, you’re right, I am a saint for sharing this information with you but all I ask in return is a basket of muffins from you all … take that as you please dirty minded people!! Send to my address 128 century avenue, Oldbrook, Milton Keynes, MK5 2UJ. This is my real address, SEND ME MUFFINS! Sorry, I got distracted. Here are some simple steps that will bulk you up in no time at all; it is like one of those penis enlargers you see on porn sights promising to make you as hung as a whale after its penis has been enlarged: Step 1: Watch the films, not movies my American readers … ruining the English language with your made up words and spellings, its spelt colour not colorjgtjvbhfvhbvvvbi or how ever you “spell it”! Anywho, back to my step. Watch the films Hall Pass, Sherk 4 and Cowboys vs Aliens to make you full of frustrated anger because you can not understand how people are making money off these god awful productions called films! Once the anger has built up begin to do some form of training, I am not one of those advisers who congers up the full details of what I am supposed to do, I like to let you human type of things reading this do some of the working out for yourself ( deep emotional music) CRACK ON CHAP!


Step 2: Become a rapist. Hear me out!! Most professional sports players need good cardiovascular system thing;I sucked at A level PE, and it is a fact that loads of sex is a good work out. With my suggestion of rape you get the work out that is required to improve your cardiovascular system AND a wresting match which improves your core strength!! Plus it helps your determination and self motivation to succeed because if you lose … you go to jail and wear one of the orange suits, then you will not be the one doing the raping, just think about Mr, not mrs or ms or whatever you females like to call yourselves! This is a vital step to becoming a true athlete … how’d you think Mo did it eh??

This is a joke we are not suggesting the great Mo Farah does anything in which we have describe in the paragraph adjacent. WE LOVE YOU MO!

Step 3: Find and Learn the way of the blind backwards walking badger whilst taking shrooms, magical shrooms. All will become clear once you end this enlightening quest. Step 4: Finally, the most important step to becoming an athlete, take a shit ton of drugs. I do specify in the drugs you can take, only take the drugs that make you hench or go friggin crazy hyper: Steroids, tuna cause that shit krayzie! Blood dope, enhanced testosterone hormones, enough cocaine to keep Al Pacino happy, inject liquid Viagra, MDMA and stroke a baby porcupine. If you do all these drugs at the same time there is no chance anybody can possible defeat you in any sporting event because you’ll be on cloud 9, running at supersonic speeds, eating all the yogurt you desire. Unfortunately my last protégé went over board, Pete Doherty. He had dreams of being steeplechase Olympian. One day I found him, naked and fully clothed wresting a mirage of himself in disguise as an Arabian Christian …


Peter Concitti is an amazing pianist, and an incredible singer. He’s already had three albums out and is flying high in the States. We’re looking forward to him hopefully gracing the UK soil at some point, but for now, we can just stare longingly at his beautiful words! Here's what he has to say for himself! Do you come to the UK very much? I haven't been in a while, but I hope to come soon. I have done some touring before, but not for the last record so I hope to come back. What do you think about the UK? I love it. I like the history and some of the writers that came out of the UK. I like the people, and the traditions. And I like tea. Of course I love London because it reminds me of the UK. Are you quite patriotic? Do you love the US? Yes I really do, I feel like its in my blood. Like three generations have come from there.

Peter


Do you love being a songwriter? Yeah I do love it, I have a lot of songs for other people. I also wrote for my sister's musical, writing music and I loved it! How did you find writing for theatre? It was bizarre. Watching other people perform my music was so strange, I expected it to be the other way round, but watching people perform my songs I actually got really nervous. What is the song writing process for you? A lot of my music is about the lyric more than the song. The lyrics came before the music. But there's often a back and forth process, as it used to be the music first and the lyrics after. How long have you been playing music? Since I was twelve I've been playing piano bars, even when I wasn't allowed I'd somehow get in. It was amazing and awe inspiring playing with such brilliant people. Do you feel apart from the popular culture? To be honest, I feel like myself...I don't feel like I'm in a certain group. I feel like I could have been, but now I don't know. My goal is to just play my own music, and manufacture my own.

Concitti


My very own beer!

Cocktail of the issue

I now have begun the process of creating my hob baby!! Although I still need to buy a barrel of some sorts I couldn’t wait any longer to make the Ugly Graham bitter! I have been warned that there may be some chance of the bitter exploding and setting fire to its surroundings. Now, this is a slight concern of mine due to the location of the bitter brewing, in my room, and my enjoyment of living in world without fire burning me. But other than that slight concern everything else is all going swimmingly. In the nest issue I will provide pictures of my baby growing up and our adventures. I’ve planned a day out to the mini golf and his first strip club, they grow up so fast! I am hoping by then the Ugly Graham has learnt how to make it first steps so he can dance with them ugly ass stripers and smoke his first crack pipe out their vajayjay! I’ll will be so proud.

This issue I though I would treat you sexy people, apart from the ugly ones … you know who you are, to a drink that will make you extravagantly squiffy and want to sleep with everyone within a 5 mile radius! I like to call this cocktail the vanilla bomb: 3 handfuls ice 350ml vodka 1 tsp vanilla extract 100ml Grand Marnier 100ml sugar syrup 3 vanilla pods , split lengthways Once you have gathered the ingredients mix them all together, pour into glass shoe and let the vanilla bomb kick in and the raging horny impulse will begin.

Rate that beer! This issue I have not gone to any great efforts to find a unique beer due to the fact that I tried one of the most disgusting pints I have had in a while, green king IPA, of course I powered through and drank it all because at the end of the day that is a pint and it must be drank! Green King IPA tasted awful. It was thick, creamy and shit … I have chose not to review this particular beer very well due to the suckiness of it thus I rate Green King IPA 1 out of 5.

Drunken pictures that I adore


Drunken story of the Issue The next chapter of CheerUp’s drunken adventures: I thought I would keep this story short a sweet. When I was living in España it was socially acceptable for 15 year olds, such as myself at the time, to go out to clubs and get extravagantly squiffy. Naturally my friends and I took full advantage of this situation. I call this little tale epic chunder the 3rd. My friends and I went out for a night in Fuengirola for a drunken night out, not a lot else to do at that place apart from visit the McDonalds that used to sell drugs if you ask for some … classy place. Any who we went out with the same ambitions as every night out. Drink loads, find some girls, and wait for the first person to chunder so we can intentional not help them and have a laugh at their expense, good times. After hours of awesome chat up lines such as waking up to a girl, smashing an ice cube on the floor and say the words that will never fail to make you irresistible to any girl “now that the ice is broken wanna make out”, or the other classic of dancing and pretending you have a lasso, when a girl looks in your direction you catch them and drag yourself over to them, You’re welcome guys all over the world, you’re welcome. If you have better chat up lines, which I doubt, send them CheerUp a tweet and let me know. At 5am the night was over and nobody had passed out so we decided to get a taxi home. After a while in the taxi my friend wasn’t looking to good on the left side of the taxi, I was on the right, and went to be sick out of the window. Unfortunately, I say light heartedly; he had forgotten one vital rule of chundering out of the window of the car, to open the window. Sick went all over the back of the head of the taxi driver and across my friend in the middle seat. Luckily for myself I minimal puke on me so I proceed to laugh my ass off. The taxi driver’s face was the best thing I think I will ever see in my life, it was pure rage mixed with even more rage. Hysterical. We ran as fast as we could in different directions away from the mad taxi driver with a baton. Life was great. It is surprising how fast a very drunk person can run when death is chasing you. Hahahahahahha.

Ha

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Ha

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Ha


GRAHA

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onjour! This is my late written article/ column piece for CheerUp, sorry about this, although if you read this you won’t actually notice its late, because it will be out the same time as the rest of the Webazine, so actually I shouldn’t be apologising or even writing about this, in fact everything I’ve written about so far is utterly useless but its filler the more I write about the fact this article is late the more room is taken up and the more impressed people are who take a quick glance at this, these people will be probably be called terry and will be sipping their skinny mocha decaf in Starbucks, they will love this, this article is for all the terry’s out


AM,

RUE STORY there. Right down to business, I usually fill this section with sad disheartening stories that no one really gives a crap about and in fact no one reads, but I’m just going to now write about well me, myself and Irene, well not so much Irene as I don’t know one, but if I did I would write books on them, that could be taken two ways, I mean I wouldn’t get a book with blank pages and write on Irene, although it would make great dinner party stories, I actually mean I’ll write books about them, that probably won’t sell, well with the kindle world taking over books won’t exist. Poor Irene will never get a book written about her. At this current moment in time I’m watching the great British bake off, it’s kinda very boring, but hey some guy called

Brian just made an ace pie so well done to him, but wait, excitement! I have a phone call from a blocked number; I picked my phone up and no reply, sad really! Well in other news I’m off to the university of Bedford, which is in Luton, somewhere and I am doing a course in public relations, that’s right I’m learning how to relate to the public and its certified with a £50,000 degree which might be able to get me a job, but there’s no guarantee, god I love life, but yes this will be my life for the next years, I’m also off to Ireland . in a few days for a strangers wedding, under the name of Scot Mctrustee, which is pretty exciting, I can re write my life to a bunch of strangers and literally become anyone I want, it sounds crazy and stupid, but I think you should

have a try at jot being yourself at least once in your life and see what type of results you get, just to see, I mean who knows what the consequences/benefits of me doing this will be, I could become a hero or it could be catastrophe, but this is what this article is really about, it’s about me reinventing myself in another country for 4 days with a whole new set of people and seeing the reaction, it’s like giving yourself a chance of having a different life, ill document the results and tell you also this section is now going to be about social experiments.


Justice FOR THE 96!

NOW

THEN Just recently, after 23 years since the horrific incident occurred. The Hillsborough tragedy has turned a new leaf, revealing unjustifiable evidence, showing that doctors and police records were changed all those years ago in order to make out that the fans were in the wrong and caused the deaths. New evidence! 41 of the 96 could have been saved! This information comes from the new inquiry and frankly seems disgusting since previous documents claimed they couldn’t be saved at all.

Over 150 documents were tampered with and changed by doctors and law officials in order to keep the police and ambulance services to blame. This shocked me at first but it seems like something that people would do in order to save their own skins. Blame the fans and then no 1 person can be prosecuted. However, for the families and friends of the victims this wasn’t enough.

those who have passed, my finally rest in peace. After 23 years the truth has been told and even the likes of David Cameron have apologized on behalf of the British government.

Some will want more justice to be taken on board and punishment for those involved in the scandal. What’s your opinion on the matter? Answer this on our question poll soon to be put up on the face book New information shows that the page and twitter page. Hope this Football Ground didn’t even have a has been eye opening and now the safety permit. Plans to change the truth is out there! ground and make it safer were delayed by financial difficulties. Also the ‘ticketlessness’ of the fans was made up in order to make the police seem innocent. Actually the police let the fans in, so that they weren’t causing trouble in the streets outside the ground. The Ambulance service was supposed to send out as many Ambulances as possible in the best possible situation and yet only 1 managed to reach the pitch! This in turn led to the deaths of others who may not have died if treated earlier. Although some would say that this whole ordeal is wrong and could have been avoided, some family members and others across the country are in some way glad that


Its here the iPhone 5 has made its way into the limelight of the technology world with its release in America, the new iPhone is simply stunning, apple products have a way of making even the least techy person excited, the new iPhone is a bank breaker expected to retail in the £500 mark that would buy you a small 2nd hand ford fiesta or a 2500 freddo bars, it’s a pricey piece of tech, but its worth it, no modern day cellular device will be able to compete, the new iPhone 5 has integrated social media into its core boasting the ability to work seamlessly with Facebook and twitter, allowing you to instantly upload not notice, when pictures and videos strait to the designing the new iPhone social networking world, that’s not all they look at the top they have gone all out on the camera style too, downloaded apps both free and paid for and adding a panorama view to the camera allowing integrate them into the device, this is true with you to get amazing horizontal portraits that look Facebook, twitter, panorama, and the new stronger professionally done. Small changes are the charging slot has shrank, and you can put in both satnav system and mapping system which allows you to view maps better and get directions quicker ways! Not a big difference you may think but it honestly saves you from confusing drunk charging and more precisely. The biggest most noticeable experiences, the battery life is longer but nothing change is the length and width, its longer now and has allowed for another row of apps of the screen, compared to the Motorola razor which brags the rd largest life of all smart phones, the iPhone techs but its also a 3 thinner apple have designed the 5 believe it will survive 8 hours of use before going with you in mind. Overall this piece doesn’t really do the phone justice, its an amazing design and flat and this is on the new 4G network coverage will be the top piece of tech for the next year or so which will allow you to up and download 3 times until apple release the new iPad, it’s as simple as faster than 3G, this is a vast improvement as that apple are dominating the markets and currently I can tweet for around 3 hours before Samsung and blackberry are to far behind they panicking about my batteries life and where the nearest plug socket is. Apple have done something need to re design the market like apple did in the very clever and something that a lot of people may noughties


Newton Faulkner

Motion City Soundtrack

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CheerUp Issue 10