The Bench Winter 2013: Issue 6
Hampton Roads Crossfire 2
About â€œThe Benchâ€?
Double Pitcher Contest
Sponsor Bar & Charity
Tom Zuppke Please direct any comments or questions to your league representative.
Coming Soon To “The Bench” Near You Every team will be offered a space every edition of the Newsletter to submit something funny... write about their game... whatever...and since we’re doing a newsletter every Wednesday of every week, you have plenty of time to come up with something! If your team doesn’t submit anything, and isn’t in the newsletter, talk to your captain!
Ideas for Team Submissions Then email them to me at email@example.com
When I say, submit something for your team, here are some ideas: • Play by plays of the game • Document the debauchery at the bar - i.e. describing someone’s amazing acting skills hobbling across the bar with a “sprained ankle” just to Ice a teammate. ] • Draw pictures!!!!! • Favorite quotes, poems, song lyrics, movie scripts, YouTube video, or motivational speeches! • Email chains from the morning after . • Funny pictures of you, your team, or something random on the internet • Give your team member awards - drunkest, loudest, person with the least shame, best off the face catch, etc.! • Anything. Really. Someone on your team is creative.
Submissions are due EVERY Wednesday by 7 p.m. ** If you need extra time, email me and just let me know.
Double Pitcher Contests
Backyard Sports Club’s email is firstname.lastname@example.org. I look forward to working with all of you! DISCLAIMER: if you have problems with keeping your language in check, not bashing refs, being overly nasty to other teams, and other no-no’s, the Editor does have the right to not include your write up in the newsletter if the content is deemed inappropriate or out of line. We will try to screen write ups as they are received, will try to let teams know so that they have time to resubmit, but there is no guarantee. The easiest thing to do is to keep it clean, be nice, and remember this is all in good fun.
Advertisements WANNA ADVERTISE? BYSC Spring Leagues REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN • • • •
Recess Kickball – Weds. Skeeball – Weds. Blue Diamond Wiffle Ball – Thurs. VB Surf Wiffle Ball (Sand) – Suns.
If you have a business or an event that you want to get out to the league, email me with details.
Cornhole Tournament Saturday, March 23rd Let's all ban together and help raise money for one of our players! On Feb. 10th, Sam Flowers from Touchdown My Pants, tore her MCL, ACL and partial LCL. She is a struggling college student, who unfortunately, has no insurance. We've all been there! Since she is a waitress at Outback, she has been unable to work.
BYSC Tournament Schedule For ALL Leagues
Please join me and Backyard Sports Club in a Skeeball Tournament. ALL money raised will go towards Sam's medical bills. Let's help a sista out!
Dodgeball Powder Puff Wiffleball Volleyball
This event requires pre-registration. backyardsportsclub.com/tournaments/13750-we-skee-for-sams-knee
March 22 March 24 March 10 March 20
Teams consist of two players/$20 per person
Hair Graphics Owner and Master Stylist, Joy Godfrey has been creating avantgarde looks for over 10 years. Educated by some of the leading companies in the salon industry; Vidall Sasson, Bumble & Bumble, Wella and Paul Mitchel, to name a few. She has a acquired a multitude of skills to give clients the exact look they want. Her work is inspired by the love of art and design specializing in texture cuts and creative color techniques. Joy believes that your hair is a very important part of your life, as well as your selfimage and personality and looks forward to working with you.
Hour Escape Massage Therapy 3500 Virginia Beach Blvd, Suite 304, Virginia Beach, VA 2113 Colonial Avenue, Norfolk, VA (Inside Dumbells Gym) Everything from relaxation massages to injury rehabilitation. Swedish to Deep Tissue. We are all about customizing your massage to fit your specific needs. You deserve an "Hour Escape", you're worth it! Social Sports Club Special If you are a member of any Hampton Roads Social Sports Club you get $10 off your Hour long massage.. or $15 off an hour and a half! That's only $40 for an hour, or $55 for an hour and a half!! Call to book an appointment 757-717-1931 Gift Certificates available www.hourescape.massagetherapy.com
Please send any requests for “Announcements” to email@example.com
Advertisements RUN Powered by ADP Get your RUN Mobile App. It’s the fast, easy-to-use, and secure version of our industry leading payroll solution that gives business owners the freedom to manage their payroll remotely – anytime, anywhere! RUN offers freedom, flexibility, and convenience, along with peace of mind and world class service from the industry leader! Contact your local ADP Rep to learn more: James Salgado James.firstname.lastname@example.org 757-392-6035 www.mobile.onlinepayroll.com
Pembroke Chiropractic Holly Hickson and Marcie Masterman from Holey Balls in Your Mouth work at Pembroke Chiropractic for Dr. Mark Soccio. Allow your body to “Fall Into Good Health” this season without the use of harmful drugs or surgery. Our holistic approach goes beyond the medical approach. Our first goal is to help you get out of pain as quickly as possible by assisting your body’s inborn ability to heal. Discover Chiropractic!
Don’t forget to like us on Facebook! Happy Healing! 757-490-5828
Funding Factory Recycling Rumble It’s Grassfield High vs. Clay County Schools, WV in the 2013 Funding Factory Recycling Rumble, and you’ve got what it takes for us to “out-recycle” the competition! If you have any empty laser and inkjet cartridges, used cell phones, iPods, MP3 playrs, GPS devices, digital cameras, or any of the sort, drop them off at Grassfield High School Main Entrance or with Stella Solorazano from Dodgie Style. NOW THROUGH APRIL 15th. With each item you contribute, Grassfield High School will be closer to earning a 25% fundraising bonus and winning an Apple iPad! Let’s help out one of our local schools to achieving one of their many goals!
MAKE SURE TO READ DETAILS FOR THE DOUBLE PITCHER CONTEST FOR NEXT WEEK! Thanks for helping to bring the recycling title to Grassfield!
Tropical Smoothie 211 25th Street Virginia Beach, VA Eat Better. Feel Better. If you’re looking for a healthy bite to eat or looking to cater your next party, go to Tropical Smoothie at the Oceanfront! Our very own, Nikki Rivera from Long N’ Hard Balls owns this joint, so lets show her some love! Tropical Smoothie offers high quality, great tasting food and smoothies that will leave you refreshed, not sluggish! Backyard Sports Club Special Any person wearing their Backyard Sports Club shirt will receive 10% off your order. So I suggest you keep an extra BYSC shirt in the back of your car!
This offer only valid at Tropical Smoothie at the Oceanfront!
Please send any requests for “Announcements” to email@example.com
Week 6 Schedule, Friday March 15th 8:00 Games • Ballsagna vs. Anywhere But the Face • Dodgeballs in YOUR Mouth vs. Clown Babies • Not Your Average Joes vs. Dodgie Style • Silent Assassins vs. Long N’ Hard Balls 9:00 Games • Sloppy Seconds vs. Rings Around Uranus • Stranger Danger vs. Snack Pack City • Ballsagna vs. Sons of Pitches • Long N’ Hard Balls vs. You’re Killin Me, Balls!
Court 1 Court 2 Court 3 Court 4
Ref: Nicky LeBlanc Ref: Jon Reyes Ref: Will Buker Ref: Shaun Stauffer
Court 1 Court 2 Court 3 Court 4
Ref: Katy Battista Ref: Gabe Harrington Ref: James Salgado Ref: Joe Equitan
Week 5 Score Board Teams Ballsagna vs. Stranger Danger Not Your Average Joe’s vs. Silent Assassins Snack Pack City vs. Sons of Pitches Rings Around Uranus vs. You’re Killin Me, Balls! Clown Babies vs. Sloppy Seconds Long N’ Hard Balls vs. Not Your Average Joe’s Anywhere But the Face vs. Rings Around Uranus Dodgeballs in YOUR Mouth vs. Snack Pack City
Score 4-9 8-3 1-12 1-15 8-3 1-9 14-5 10-3
Standings Team Name
Stranger Danger Dodgeballs in YOUR Mouth! You’re Killin me, Balls! Dodgie Style Not Your Average Joes Sons of Pitches Clown Babies Sloppy Seconds Anywhere But the Face Silent Assassins Long N’ Hard Balls Snack Pack City Ballsagna Rings Around Uranus
7 7 7 8 8 7 7 7 7 7 6 7 6 7
7 6 6 5 4 4 4 4 4 2 1 1 0 0
0 1 1 2 3 3 3 3 3 5 5 6 6 7
0 0 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Team write-ups Charm said keep it short so here goes:
Promoting Ball Awareness...Since 2008
• Started season 0-3 • Last Week, Beat Snack Pack City with only 4 guys (luckily our women are good) • Also, only having 4 guys sucks • But had to ruin J-Smoove's Birffday (sorry man) • Meow we've won 4 in a row • Next Up: Ballsagna (face) - Will Buker
The night started out looking a little grim… With only two girls and four guys for the start of the game, we were roughing it. Thankfully, RAU let our short-staffed team play and did not call for a forfeit! Once the game actually started, we didn’t even have anyone to grab balls and put them back into play on our side until finally Tardy to the Party Ed showed-up!! The beginning of the game was back and forth with us winning a game and RAU retaliating with a win of their own. Finally, half way through the game we got into a rhythm. Bianca surprising everyone with a couple of game-winning catches and the guys pegging their prey left and right, we pulled out the win! All-in-all though, definitely one of the best games we’ve played. RAU was fantastically sports-man like, the refs (SOP) were fair and let us play a good game of dodgeball, and the jokes were rolling on both sides. Great game guys!!! - Anonymous but I’ll give you a hint! Her name rhymes with Habrina!
Team write-ups Last week Not Your Average Joe's partook in our first double-header of the season. I don't know if it was a blessing or not to have a DH so late in the season but whatever concerns we had going into our first game of the night were quickly dispelled a few games into our battle with Silent Assassins. As it turned out many a Silent Assassin were harmed during this contest, but I'll get to that in a bit. Going into the game we had our concerns about the arms, Robbie, Brett and Baham just to name a few, Silent Assassins had. Those concerns however, were rapidly extinguished as NYAJ's took a lead after the first couple games and never looked back. Our fearless leader, Joe "I wish I was a little bit taller" Equitan (It's a song) had what was the probably the comeback of the night. Down to just himself, Joe was able to, with sniper precision, or luck (that's what I'm going with), pick off the three Assassins he was going up against, I think it was Charm, a three month old baby and Clint Eastwood's chair, one by one and end up putting a W for NYAJ's in the left column. Our second game was against Long 'N Hard Balls but I gotta tell ya, there was nothing long or hard about them, unless of course you account for what one of their did to me on the dance floor but that is neither here nor there. Anyways, back to dodgeball. If participation trophies existed then LNHBs would get a trophy. But they don't and the only thing they left with was a couple concussions (Hi Dom) and some destroyed egos. I guess when you're thinking more about getting a cupcake shoved in your face later on in the night you kind of forget about dodgeball for a bit right Terrance? Miss youuuuuuuu xoxoxo The highlight of the match came when Joe and Eddie came up with yet another one of their patented and mesmerizing plays. They deemed it the "alley-oop," whatever that means. I myself did not see it, because I was looking at just how awful the ladies LNHBs looked in yoga pants, but if Dickie V was present at the game he would have called both Joe and Eddie PTP'ers and their alley-oop play "SUPER, SCINTILLATING, SENSATIONAL!!!" (I'll go ahead and ask either Joe or Eddie to elaborate further on what is an alley-oop in dodgeball.) In the end the score had one rather large number, I think like 30-something in favor of us, to a rather minuscule number for them, -2 perhaps? Side note: What Terrence & Co. lack in dodgeball prowess they more than make up for it on the dance floor, especially the ladies.......what happened? I blacked out. All in all it was a great night for NYAJs. Whether it be the power of the sleeve (which I don't need but wear anyways because it makes me look cool), Joe and Eddie's uncanny ability to come up with plays on the spot, our impeccable skeeball skills or just playing against crappy teams, NYAJs showed just how dominant we can be in a plethora of different areas. No douchebags were harmed or created during the making of this thread. - Jamie Hopkins
My hats off to Ballsagna for being good sports and playing even though they didn't have enough players. Not sure exactly what to say about the game. We weren't at our best, but we weren't at our worst either. Probably have to kick it in gear this week and bring our A game against Snack Pack City to finish out the season undefeated...whooooooooop deeeee whooooooop.... - Tom Zuppke
So another great week for YKMB!!! Yet again our ladies kicked butt and took names. They seem to be running marathons while the rest of us are done after the 5k:) It was pretty one sided but I have to give it to Rings Around Uranus for stopping the shutout...final score being 15-1. We seemed to hit a few more girls in the face than usual this week so please accept my apologies, our guys just seem to throw the high curve ball alot. Oh yeah and I have to give the Mega Man award to Mike P. because he seemed to have a blaster for an arm friday night. I think he at one point got 3 out with 3 throws in under 5 seconds. All in all everyone on both sides seemed to have a really good time. - El Capitan Shaun
Team write-ups And lastly, we have Smooth Operator’s Dirty 30 summarized in hashtags (cuz I can): #MrCupcake #bib #bowties #Joshsballsinyourmouth #mmmmmeatballs #Jenmakesfunnysigns #bowties #NOredwine #fireball #morefireball #donttakepicsofurselfatthegym #bowties #the90swantsitsshirtbackChrisSnyder #Texasisnotanexuseforowningthatshirt #bowties #remembertorenewyourID #welostJeff #Keaganssucks #bowties You’re welcome, Charm. This is my shortest write-up of all time J Balls, Brannon
Clown babies, stimulating the Chesapeake economy one pitcher at a time... In our quest to reach the one millionth pitcher mark by the end of the season, the Clown Babies gathered early for some free skee ball and cheap beer prior to reffing the 8 o'clock game. After missing a few obvious calls because of our beer-induced poor judgment (sorry Snack Pack City), we went on to win a hard fought battle against Sloppy Seconds. The opponent was formidable, but the Clown Babies’ girls were able to outlast, outwit and outplay the opponent's almost equally fierce girls. Back at MOB, BYSC's most eligible bachelor Clown Baby G with the help of clown Baby J secured our team yet another pitcher in the skee ball tourney for having the best looking contestants. Because one night of drunken debauchery was not enough, the clown babies rallied Saturday night well into Sunday morning for Clown Baby J's birthday bash. While Duke was dominating UNC in basketball, one Clown Baby was putting on a clinic on the beer pong table. - Dan Youngsma
Dodgeballs in your MOUTH did a great job last Friday. Even though I came 20 minutes late, Dodgeballs were up 4-1. We did a good job targeting people one by one and knocking out their best players early. The girls, again, were the last ones standing and won a few matches for the team. Great game everyone! - James Salgado
We were missing our big guns, but that still is no excuse for not brining it to the Clown Babies. The Babies played hard and were ready to take us down one by one. I felt like I was the first one out everytime. I could neither duck or dive away from the ball. I think I might of brought some bad luck by wearing a carolina blue long sleeved shirt before the game...i don't know. We need to get back on playing team ball. Overall it was a fun game. No arguements and everyone played fair. It was a pleasure playing the Clown Babies and can't wait for a rematch. - Jon Reyes
TOURNAMENT WHEN & WHERE March 23 ▪ 1 pm - 5 pm Millions of Beers 1701 Parkview Drive Chesapeake, VA 23320
The DEETS $20 per person. You must go to www.backyardsportsclub.com to register under the “Tournaments” tab.
WHO Your team will consist of 2 players. There is no gender requirement.
SCORING The scoring works as follows: Players will alternate turns. At the conclusion of each players turn, their score will be applied to the total score for that set. At the end of the set, the team with the highest cumulative score will win. The winner of the match will be the first team to win 3 sets.
PRIZES The top two teams will receive trophies. There will be a 50/50 raffle and lots of great prizes will be raffled off. Team costumes are strongly encouraged and prizes will be given to best team costume.
ALL money raised will go to Sam Flowers medical bills!
Analyze THIS! We can all thank Jamie Hop for no Analyze This section. Since he decided to complain about the last one I did, I am no longer doing this section. So everyone put your hands together for the infamous loud mouth that doesn’t know when to stop….Jamie Hopkins! Good job bud! Just kidding….I just didn’t have time to do a write-up this week and there weren’t many pictures to select from. So hopefully I’ll have one up next week! So instead of captions, I’ll just put up some pictures, and hopefully that will suffice.
The Hookup Gentlemen (and some ladies) let me present to you, Ms. Lily Castillo. She comes from an enchanted kingdom far far away the ancients called Me-hi-ko which is Latin for "taco bell". Its lands are blessed w rice, beans and opium. Lily is currently with the U.S. Air Force, which is hard to believe since scholars believe shes a decendant of General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna; the infamous general who captured the Alamo and murdered Billy Bob Thornton. Maybe she's a spy? Or a Federale? Who knows.. All insensitive jokes aside, Lily is a great catch. She is a lover of wine, great food and Antonio Banderas movies. She is super smart too. I know since shes on my trivia team and she can answer any Friends' related questions. She was also my partner once in Catch Phrase and we owned like a BOSS. Her brain size is equal to that of an average male, but still much larger than her other female counterparts. That's a scientific fact! Guys, please don't hesitate to ask this chica out. As long as you don't mistake her for a Puerto Rican as I once did, you won't get punch in the coccyx. --by Joe Equitan PS. She's got big boobs
DOUBLE Pitcher Contest Friday March 15th Contest
“Thrift Shop King & Queen” Each team will nominate 1 guy and 1 girl to represent their team. That couple will need to puts together their BEST Thrift Store Outfit. The team that the judges deem best will win NOT ONLY the double pitcher contest, BUT ALSO the crown and title of “Thrift Shop King & Queen.”
Congrats to Team Not Your Average Joe’s for winning in Skeeball. Good Job Megan and Joe! P.S. You’re spending too much time at Chuck E Cheese’s! The Parents are gonna start to think ya’ll are creepers! Just sayin
Charities & Sponsor Bar www.backyardsportsclub.com
Drink Specials • • •
$2.50 Pint Domestic Drafts $9 Domestic Pitchers $3.50 Well Cocktails
Provided to Each Winning Team •
1 pizza with 2 toppings at Eagles Nest Or • 20 wings at Million’s of Beers
CARPE FREEZUM at the coolest event of the year! The Polar Plunge® Winter Festival is Special Olympics Virginia’s largest fundraiser, attracting more than 10,000 people to an otherwise deserted beachfront in February. Individuals and teams, alongside our athletes and thousands of community members, experience heartwarming and bone chilling extremes as they take the plunge into the icy Atlantic Ocean in the height of winter!
About Special Olympics Special Olympics Virginia is a year-round program of sports training and athletic competition for children and adults with intellectual disabilities. We serve more than 10,000 athletes throughout the Commonwealth. Thanks to a statewide volunteer network of more than 20,000 and the support of generous partners throughout Virginia, athletes pay nothing to participate. And with nearly 2,000 events annually, including seven state-level competitions and numerous extreme fundraisers like the Polar Plunge, we invite everyone to join us in our mission to open hearts and change minds about people with intellectual disabilities. 7
Chesapeake, Virginia Backyard Sports Club, Hampton Roads Crossfire League