The Bench Winter 2013: Issue 4
Hampton Roads Crossfire 2
About â€œThe Benchâ€?
Double Pitcher Contest
Sponsor Bar & Charity
Tom Zuppke Please direct any comments or questions to your league representative.
Coming Soon To “The Bench” Near You Every team will be offered a space every edition of the Newsletter to submit something funny... write about their game... whatever...and since we’re doing a newsletter every Wednesday of every week, you have plenty of time to come up with something! If your team doesn’t submit anything, and isn’t in the newsletter, talk to your captain!
Ideas for Team Submissions Then email them to me at email@example.com
When I say, submit something for your team, here are some ideas: • Play by plays of the game • Document the debauchery at the bar - i.e. describing someone’s amazing acting skills hobbling across the bar with a “sprained ankle” just to Ice a teammate. ] • Draw pictures!!!!! • Favorite quotes, poems, song lyrics, movie scripts, YouTube video, or motivational speeches! • Email chains from the morning after . • Funny pictures of you, your team, or something random on the internet • Give your team member awards - drunkest, loudest, person with the least shame, best off the face catch, etc.! • Anything. Really. Someone on your team is creative.
Submissions are due EVERY Wednesday by 7 p.m. ** If you need extra time, email me and just let me know.
Double Pitcher Contests
Backyard Sports Club’s email is firstname.lastname@example.org. I look forward to working with all of you! DISCLAIMER: if you have problems with keeping your language in check, not bashing refs, being overly nasty to other teams, and other no-no’s, the Editor does have the right to not include your write up in the newsletter if the content is deemed inappropriate or out of line. We will try to screen write ups as they are received, will try to let teams know so that they have time to resubmit, but there is no guarantee. The easiest thing to do is to keep it clean, be nice, and remember this is all in good fun.
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BYSC Tournament Schedule For ALL Leagues Dodgeball Powder Puff Wiffleball Volleyball
March 22 March 24 March 10 March 20
Charity Skeeball Tournament Saturday, March 23rd Let’s all ban together and help one of our members. On February 10th, Sam Flowers from Touchdown My Pants, tore her MCL, ACL, and partial LCL.. She is a struggling college student, who unfortunately does not have insurance. We’ve all been there! Since she is a waitress at Outback, she hasn’t been able to work. Stella Solorzana and BYSC has decided to team up and hold another Skeeball Tournament to help raise funds for her medical bills. ALL money raised will go towards Sam’s medical expenses. Let’s help a sista out here! Check out the flyer on page 12.
Hair Graphics Owner and Master Stylist, Joy Godfrey has been creating avantgarde looks for over 10 years. Educated by some of the leading companies in the salon industry; Vidall Sasson, Bumble & Bumble, Wella and Paul Mitchel, to name a few. She has a acquired a multitude of skills to give clients the exact look they want. Her work is inspired by the love of art and design specializing in texture cuts and creative color techniques. Joy believes that your hair is a very important part of your life, as well as your selfimage and personality and looks forward to working with you.
If you have a business or an event that you want to get out to the league, email me with details.
Ghent Winter Bar Tour Friday, February 22nd READY! SET! CRAWL! Already the most charitable pub crawl in the nation, the Ghent Winter Bar Tour will try to outdo itself once again on Saturday, February 23rd as it hits the streets of midtown Norfolk for the biggest night out this winter, and it’s ONLY $20. As always, all proceeds from this event will benefit a fantastic organization making a big difference in our local community - Edmarc Hospice for Children! More than 1,000 participants helped make last winter's tour a raging success with $22,250 raised for charity and we expect even more good things this time around. Our largest annual pub crawl will journey once again down Colley Avenue, 21st Street, and the surrounding locale in the historic midtown Norfolk neighborhood of Ghent from 4:00 PM until 9:00 PM (or whenever the last bar closes). All of the details on this grandest of charity pub crawls, including how to register for the event, are available through the links in the menu above. So get yourself and all of your friends signed up now... because it's time to crawl! Register Now: http://www.ghentwinterbartour.com/
Hour Escape Massage Therapy 3500 Virginia Beach Blvd, Suite 304, Virginia Beach, VA 2113 Colonial Avenue, Norfolk, VA (Inside Dumbells Gym) Everything from relaxation massages to injury rehabilitation. Swedish to Deep Tissue. We are all about customizing your massage to fit your specific needs. You deserve an "Hour Escape", you're worth it! Social Sports Club Special If you are a member of any Hampton Roads Social Sports Club you get $10 off your Hour long massage.. or $15 off an hour and a half! That's only $40 for an hour, or $55 for an hour and a half!! Call to book an appointment 757-717-1931 Gift Certificates available www.hourescape.massagetherapy.com
Please send any requests for “Announcements” to email@example.com
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Pembroke Chiropractic Holly Hickson and Marcie Masterman from Holey Balls in Your Mouth work at Pembroke Chiropractic for Dr. Mark Soccio. Allow your body to “Fall Into Good Health” this season without the use of harmful drugs or surgery. Our holistic approach goes beyond the medical approach. Our first goal is to help you get out of pain as quickly as possible by assisting your body’s inborn ability to heal. Discover Chiropractic!
Don’t forget to like us on Facebook! Happy Healing! 757-490-5828
Funding Factory Recycling Rumble It’s Grassfield High vs. Clay County Schools, WV in the 2013 Funding Factory Recycling Rumble, and you’ve got what it takes for us to “out-recycle” the competition!
If you have any empty laser and inkjet cartridges, used cell phones, iPods, MP3 playrs, GPS devices, digital cameras, or any of the sort, drop them off at Grassfield High School Main Entrance or with Stella Solorazano from Dodgie Style. NOW THROUGH APRIL 15th. With each item you contribute, Grassfield High School will be closer to earning a 25% fundraising bonus and winning an Apple iPad! Let’s help out one of our local schools to achieving one of their many goals!
MAKE SURE TO READ DETAILS FOR THE DOUBLE PITCHER CONTEST FOR NEXT WEEK! Thanks for helping to bring the recycling title to Grassfield!
Tropical Smoothie 211 25th Street Virginia Beach, VA Eat Better. Feel Better. If you’re looking for a healthy bite to eat or looking to cater your next party, go to Tropical Smoothie at the Oceanfront! Our very own, Nikki Rivera from Long N’ Hard Balls owns this joint, so lets show her some love! Tropical Smoothie offers high quality, great tasting food and smoothies that will leave you refreshed, not sluggish! Backyard Sports Club Special Any person wearing their Backyard Sports Club shirt will receive 10% off your order. So I suggest you keep an extra BYSC shirt in the back of your car!
This offer only valid at Tropical Smoothie at the Oceanfront!
Please send any requests for “Announcements” to email@example.com
Week 5 Schedule, Friday March 1st 8:00 Games • Anywhere But the Face vs. You’re Killin Me, Balls! • Dodgeballs in YOUR Mouth vs. Not Your Average Joes • Clown Babies vs. Sons of Pitches • Ballsagna vs. Silent Assassins 9:00 Games • Snack Pack City vs. Long N’ Hard Balls • Clown Babies vs. Dodgie Style • Sons of Pitches vs. Rings Around Uranus • Sloppy Seconds vs. Stranger Danger
Court 1 Court 2 Court 3 Court 4
Ref: Terrence Williams Ref: Stella Solorzano Ref: Nicki LeBlanc Ref: Jon Reyes
Court 1 Court 2 Court 3 Court 4
Ref: Katy Battista Ref: Joe Equitan Ref: Jeff Bouley Ref: James Salgado
Week 4 Score Board Teams Anywhere But The Face vs. Sloppy Seconds Sons of Pitches vs. Dodgie Style Silent Assassins vs. Snack Pack City Not Your Average Joe’s vs. You’re Killin Me, Balls Clown Babies vs. Ballsagna Dodgie Style vs. Silent Assassins Stanger Danger vs. Long N’ Hard Balls Rings Around Uranus vs. Dodgeballs in YOUR Mouth
Score 4-6 5-4 8-3 3-7 7-5 7-4 7-4 5-9
Standings Team Name
Stranger Danger You’re Killin me, Balls! Dodgie Style Sloppy Seconds Dodgeballs in YOUR Mouth! Clown Babies Anywhere But the Face Not Your Average Joes Sons of Pitches Silent Assassins Snack Pack City Rings Around Uranus Ballsagna Long N’ Hard Balls
5 5 6 5 5 4 5 4 4 5 4 4 4 4
5 4 4 4 4 3 3 2 1 1 1 0 0 0
0 1 2 1 1 1 2 2 3 4 3 4 4 4
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Everything clicked last week. I was in my 'Harlem Shake' costume, the team gelled together, and the dance floor was pretty epic at MOB. We played Rings around Uranus and with our confidence being at an all time high, we came, we saw, and we conquered. We are now sitting at 2nd place. But you gotta watch out for Nick Sutton...never underestimated the power of the sneakiness. You may think, 'Oh, he's not focused. He's just the cameraman taking pictures all willy nilly, and then jump back into the game'. I thought wrong. His camera aim translated into his accuracy on the court. Yes, I'm saying it...his camera is a performance enchancement tool...like baseball gloves, if you will. I warn the league...watch out for Nick! You're welcome. - James Salgado
"BYSC's a Series of Unfortunate Events" So to start the night off our refs were a no show (a foreshadowing of a rough evening to come?). Tom stepped up and took hold of the reins, but as we all know refing a game with 3 is hard, and it wasn't going to be any easier with Tom running things solo. Things started out ok but as the match progressed certain players from both teams couldn't keep their mouths shut and things eventually boiled over ending our night prematurely. We still won the match, but it was definitely not our proudest moment. Anyways, I always like to end on a positive note, so a big thank you to everyone on both teams who did stay cool and played some really good games along the way. - El Capitan Shaun
Dodgie Style v Sons of Pitches Son of a Pitch!!! Leave it to my team to give Buker and Company their first win of the season! I blame it on myself. Before the game started, I told my team this would be cake...lol! We got proven wrong! Sorry I misjudged you guys...I should know that it was only a matter of time for you guys to get the hang of the game since you usually dominate at every sport you compete in! Great job, Pitches! Dodgie Style v Silent Assassins This was probably the funnest game we have ever played!! Silent Assassins were something else. I don't know if they were off because two of their star players Charm and Robbie were off in Vegas getting hitched, but this game was hilarious! Elaina was the last one standing during one of the games and she probably would've come out victorious had it not been for her stepping over the center line. What's funny is when she got called out on it, she was like "for real?" And how about Keith nailing one of his own players in the head! I think you just had to be there watching to see what a great time we had! There was definitely a lot of laughing! Thank you to You're killin' me, Balls! for doing a great job reffing! Congratulations Charm & Robbie!! - Stella Solorzano
I was really excited to play against my work buddies. Antonio and Katy against Amy and I. I was wondering who was going to have the advantage in this game. Both teams had the same record and both are fierce competitors. The game itself was intense. Matches were going back and forth, but Sloppy got on a roll and took a early lead. They came strong at the end, but time was a running out for them and Sloppy escaped with a 2 win victory and bragging rights at work. - Jon Reyes
PROOOTEEEEEIIIIIIN!!!!! MUSCLE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIILK!!!!! HGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! WHERE'S MY GOD D**M PROTEIN MA???!!!!??? AHHHHHH!!!!! That right there was a microcosm of our "dodgeball" game last Friday. One team was playing dodgeball the other team, more specifically one person on the other team, was playing "dodgeball" or as I like to put it: "Too busy complaining about every call that didn't go his way." That sounds about right? I know I'm not the first person to complain about this guy and I'm surely won't be the last. Perhaps though, I am the first one to call him out in a forum such as this (I haven't read every teams write-up every week so I might have missed one). Did anyone else see that huge trophy Not Your Average Joe's and Your Killin' Me Ballz were playing for last Friday? You didn't? Me either. Did anyone see a MVP trophy laying around? No? Talk about odd. Why, if no one gets a trophy for a regular season game, would a guy go to such lengths to act as if EVERY call was a matter of life and death. Why would anyone get so angry with the ONE AND ONLY REF we had, Hi Tom, that he would be compelled to push him because, in your eyes, he "missed a call?" I am quite positive that you, the God of all things dodgeball, has never and will never miss a call while you are reffing. I am sure your two eyes can keep track of 18 players and 6 balls at all times. Who am I kidding? Of course YOU can. My bad. I guess the rest of us have to step our game up. As not to witness another one of your epic, colossal and embarrassing hissy-fits, I won't argue the fact that Tom called the game on account of YOUR actions. Now call me crazy but if a ref calls the game due to the inappropriate and child-like behavior of one player on one team, such as to invoke such rage that warrants getting in the face of a ref, shouldn't the other team win, that team being NYAJ's? I don't know the BYSC by-laws but I think I might be on to something. I'm not saying you can't be competitive BUT there is NO reason to act like a d**k! Bottomline: It's dodgeball. It's DODGEBALL. IT'S DODGEBALL! IT'S. DODGEBALL! IT'S DODGEBALL!!!! - Jamie Hopkins
We got our first WIN! Sucks that Robbie, Brett, Jonell and I weren’t here to experience our first win, but I’m sure it was magnificent! Congrats to the rest of the team….and thanks for making us look like we (the crew that went to Vegas) bring the team down with our mere presence on the fields! - Charm REYES Wright
Team write-ups A FAIRY PUDDIN PALACE TALE
Once upon a time there was this pretty pretty princess who lived in a far away land of turf and backyards sports… The Pudding Palace was a place where a sweet princess and all her foxy maiden’s and knights men would all gather in a great feast they liked to call Funday Subday in her honor… The palace was so fun so fun so fun even Justin Bieber has been known to make an appearance…Then one day a evil Wizard named Reyes wanted to steal the Pudding Palaces sweet princess throwing every ball with a great thunder at her palace… the Palace decide they would have to put together a great army of ninjas they called Snack Pack to protect their city… Come Friday when the palace gears up for battle the angels will cheer and they will dodge any trick the next wizard has up their robe… to continue reading please pay $19.95 we accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express… - Meaghan Smith What we lacked in number of players this week, we made up for in alcohol consumption. Hitting MOB for some serious pregaming and consumption of performance enhancing substances. Taking the field with only 7 players every game just SUCKS. But we held through and suffered minimal injuries. Daniel Gard decided he needed to pull a groin muscle performing acrobatics he learned from movies such as "Rocky and Bullwinkle" and "Magic Mike." Chris Coup came out with cannons on fire as well. Sarah Mae Rourke was on her deathbed before the game, however, Kelli Medlin promised her a well deserved spooning session if she showed up. Thanks Sarah for saving our undefeated record by not making us forfeit! - Tom Zuppke
Team write-ups So a lobster, a flying squirrel, and a Gabriel walk into a bar...Does anything more really need to be put into writing about last week? No...it was captured on video, and it was epic. Well done, BYSC. Clown Babies did learn some valuable life lessons that felt is hot, children's swimmies are constricting, and Ballsagna doesn't like giant fruit. "Hit the banana!" Why such a problem with potassium?? Fine. You know what...I don't like pasta. Noted accomplishments: - I think this was the first week we didn't have someone drop a full cup of beer on the dance floor. We're trying to provide Patrick with competent adult supervision at all times. This helps. - Natalia caught a game winner...and then fell down. It was glorious. Please make the magic tutu part of your weekly attire. Thank you. Hold on...let me make sure this isn't lost in translation: Пожалуйста, носите свою магию пачки. Russians. - Our continued commitment to free beer makes me happy. Lisa's cape and Scott's hair stayed on the whole night. True competitors. Undefeated we remain! We're checking the rules to see if Kari can recycle her curling irons...if so, it's on lockdown again. -Balls, The Lobster We finally won a game. Thanks, Stella! We had a full house and were able to work on some strategies (hit people, don't get hit, etc...) that had been eluding us in previous weeks. Feels good to be in the win column. We were lucky enough to avoid any face shots and there weren't any knock-down, drag out disputes in this game. With a win (and $20) in our pocket, we now get a double header against Clown Babies and Rings Around Uranus. Looking forward to a busy night! - Will Buker
Promoting Ball Awareness...Since 2008
TOURNAMENT WHEN & WHERE March 23 ▪ 1 pm - 5 pm Millions of Beers 1701 Parkview Drive Chesapeake, VA 23320
The DEETS $20 per person. You must go to www.backyardsportsclub.com to register under the “Tournaments” tab.
WHO Your team will consist of 2 players. There is no gender requirement.
SCORING The scoring works as follows: Players will alternate turns. At the conclusion of each players turn, their score will be applied to the total score for that set. At the end of the set, the team with the highest cumulative score will win. The winner of the match will be the first team to win 3 sets.
PRIZES The top two teams will receive trophies. There will be a 50/50 raffle and lots of great prizes will be raffled off. Team costumes are strongly encouraged and prizes will be given to best team costume.
ALL money raised will go to Sam Flowers medical bills!
Analyze THIS! Now this is what I like, right here! Let’s go, Joe!
Come here, you big chunk of meat, you!
Ahh hell nah, man!!! You ain’t my type bro!
Crap! I don’t think I have a choice in this matter, do I?
The Hookup Why this one is single, I will never know. I can honestly say that Michael Chu (aka Tito Boy) is probably one of the nicest guys I know! He really is! I mean look at his JOLLY ASS smile, it’s contagious! He's genuine, has a great sense of humor, and would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He's in great shape, so if you get a chance, cop a feel of his chest or booty! (So who wants to ask for that shirt off his back? May as well ask for his pants too!) RAWR....very firm! (For an OLD man, hahaha) In addition to working out and golfing, he loves to travel (I'm still waiting for my trip to Dubai!) Added bonus, he owns his own financial planning company. He loves sports, Tarheels and Cowboys (I know, please don't hold this against him) are his teams. What he's looking for? (He doesn’t know what he’s looking for, so if you’re interested you’ll have to go through Stella and I..we’ll decide for him.) Someone who is outgoing and funny.
- Stella Solorzano Commentary by: Charm Reyes Wright WEIRD
DOUBLE Pitcher Contest Friday March 1st Contest
“Recycle Rumble” The team that has the most items to donate will win the double pitchers for their team. Bring in your empty ink cartridges, old cell phones, digital cameras you don’t use any more or GPS devices that you no longer use because you use your phone. Items will be counted after all games have been played. Winner will be announced at Millions of Beers. Check out the Advertisements page for more info.
Ok, this isn’t fun anymore! Someone PLEASE beat Clown Babies!
Charities & Sponsor Bar www.backyardsportsclub.com
Drink Specials • • •
$2.50 Pint Domestic Drafts $9 Domestic Pitchers $3.50 Well Cocktails
Provided to Each Winning Team •
1 pizza with 2 toppings at Eagles Nest Or • 20 wings at Million’s of Beers
CARPE FREEZUM at the coolest event of the year! The Polar Plunge® Winter Festival is Special Olympics Virginia’s largest fundraiser, attracting more than 10,000 people to an otherwise deserted beachfront in February. Individuals and teams, alongside our athletes and thousands of community members, experience heartwarming and bone chilling extremes as they take the plunge into the icy Atlantic Ocean in the height of winter!
About Special Olympics Special Olympics Virginia is a year-round program of sports training and athletic competition for children and adults with intellectual disabilities. We serve more than 10,000 athletes throughout the Commonwealth. Thanks to a statewide volunteer network of more than 20,000 and the support of generous partners throughout Virginia, athletes pay nothing to participate. And with nearly 2,000 events annually, including seven state-level competitions and numerous extreme fundraisers like the Polar Plunge, we invite everyone to join us in our mission to open hearts and change minds about people with intellectual disabilities. 7
Chesapeake, Virginia Backyard Sports Club, Hampton Roads Crossfire League