search and scatter. You hunt gracelessly on hollow ground, and believe there is no reason for you to stay here. But there is no one around and no path to follow. You feel so alone, but youâ€™re stuck in this world of mixed emotion and there seems to be no light to guide you the way. All of a sudden you can feel yourself melting, crumbling. A huge pressure- this wasnâ€™t in the clause. The colours are dull now. An array of stone grey. It begins to seep into your mind that in this place you have lost. Its time to begin looking for a way,
This Charming Man
HER She approached his street. Her stomach somersaulted as she saw the car perched smugly on the driveway. Immediately, she changed direction. She walked straight passed without hesitation, eyes fixed straight ahead. A stern fast-paced gait over-came her body and she started to run. He would never choose her. Tears stung her eyes as her mind taunted her with the memory of his hand in hers, their bodies physically uncomfortable yet romantically connected. She knew it was wrong the first time his shadow laced the glass in the front door, and the second time, and the third. It was the way his eyes were fixated on her every move, as if he was in awe. But it was her that became in awe, fixated, attached. It should never have got like this.
As she kissed his lips he thought about her. Her soft skin, her tousled chocolate hair, in need of a comb… he smiled. Why was she on his mind while he was with the woman he loved? ‘I do love her.’ A mantra he often had to repeat. He watched Grace as she picked up and slipped on her clothes from the night before. A sea of pale garments. The duck-egg blue slip thrown over her body, the pepper-coloured silk robe hung gently over her shoulders, her almond hair neatly pinned back. He knew why he should be with her. They went together. But his heart had suddenly been split into two and the doubts had flooded in and hijacked years of his feelings. She gave him her signature smile and gently cupped his chin before pressing her lips on his and sauntering out the room. He forced a smile before smothering his face with his hands.
HER Her phone rang against her chest, her heart crashed against it. She stared at the name on the screen and then put it back down, turning it over. Again the telephone rang. It was as if it was a unique sound that was suddenly blaring through her ears. She didnâ€™t hear the knock at the door, she felt it. Like a giant shadow had covered the house. The second time however, she heard it, and instantly knew who it was. The letterbox slowly being lifted and put back down, it was only ever one person. Her head began to tingle and without hesitation she ran towards the door. And there he stood.
HIM He couldnâ€™t help it, when he saw her his eyes lit up. This was rare, his eyes were dark, nearly black, it was almost miraculous how their colour changed. His brows were heavy, bowing neatly towards the lids of his eyes. His features were strong, manly, like nothing she had seen before and before they knew it they were interlinked, locked in each otherâ€™s embrace, and the door slammed behind them. She could not be more different to the other; the only thing that pulled the two girls so close together was the helpless desire for this man. He left. His lips kissed the cigarette he toked on, and for hours he drove furiously round the streets, which seemed to do nothing but highlight and scream out memories. Fond, ecstatic, bewildering memories of two very different women. As the memories flashed before his eyes the familiar black cloud of his deceit showered them away.
the deceit, the lies, the heartbreak.
THE WAR IN MY MIND
A figure of the imagination, just shapes and shadows dancing vigourously together. Swirls of passion, bodies intertwined. Painful explosions in the pit of my stomach as I am forced to watch, helpless.
INT TER TWI NED
There is no escape from this war in my mind.
S T R A NG E N E S S
Without permission, You’re stripped of all consciousness, pride, It whispers and lures you to come further inside. Words of affection, You’ve been worshipped, pampered, You’re mind has been tampered.
Enchanted. It goes slow, Then quicker until there is no ground in sight, It’s a whirlwind of colour, the spectrum so bright. Who wouldn’t fall, The source of comfort so great, To turn back now would be far too late.
The calm, A cool breeze is felt in the air, You try to keep warm but the shelter he wonâ€™t share. Darkness overcasts, The feelings of delight rapidly change, And the rain beings to pour, in the storm you stay.
Look in the middle, Just a shadow of yourself is all you can see, An outline of a person, who you used to be. Realization dawns, Its now so hot you cannot breathe, You pray for that voice with permission to leave.
,mlac ehT ,ria eht ni tlef si ezeerb looc A eht tub mraw peek ot yrt uoY .erahs tâ€™now eh retlehs ,stsacrevo ssenkraD yldipar thgiled fo sgnileef ehT ,egnahc ni ,ruop ot sgnieb niar eht dnA .yats uoy mrots eht
,rorrim eht ni kooL uoy lla si flesruoy fo wodahs a tsuJ ,ees nac uoy ohw ,nosrep a fo eniltuo nA .eb ot desu ,snwad noitazilaeR ,ehtaerb tonnac uoy toh os won stI -rep htiw eciov taht rof yarp uoY .evael ot noissim
.depparT ,rorrim eht ni kooL
R T R T
Opposing armyâ€™s, A war was inevitable, you have no control, No choices, no decisions, ready, set, go. Wounds heal, But the scars are imbedded, on you for good, Desperate to remove, if only you could.
Love me,Love me not
There she lies, dispersed into an array of sand silt and clay. She remains planted in the same spot, unmoved. Days pass by the feeling of being covered, smothered in sludge and muck is something that has embraced her for days. There is no motivation for her to face anything outside this place. Itâ€™s a strange kind of comfort. Many people surround but cannot be seen, only a muffled hum forces its way through the grit. She opens her mouth to shout for help, but the words are stuck behind a broken tongue. Around is a never-ending darkness and a way out seems impossible, she sinks further into the earth. Raindrops, the perfect lullaby to awake her from sleep. Her eyes gently open; the darkness stays the same yet in the air there is a difference. To breathe is a little easier and without knowing she moves. Slowly, the ground begins to shake and for the first time since she was left, there is hope of breaking free. There is still a feeling of entrapment, but she is closer to the surface. It was the water, pure as silver, seeped its way down and gently helped her up. There is still a pain, a cloud of loneliness that is believed never to leave, but something that days ago had seemed unfathomable, was about to happen. She had given up hope that she would find herself again when suddenly an unknown strength overcame her, and she felt her body unconsciously moving. She never thought it would be able to happen again but she forces and squeezes her small frame through the mud, the grit, the dirt, the stone, and the colours began to change. Every shade of black, changed to a lighter shade of grey, to a pale green. This spectrum of colour as she sprouted towards the sky evoked a feeling of hope she never knew existed. A blinding ray of sunlight shone like a spotlight. Once the first barrier had been broken the only way was foreword, upward. Happiness seemed to take her by the hand and lead her the way. Itâ€™s a race against time to reach the top, she felt half of what she could be, but looking back to where she lay only made her more determined. Sprouting, flourishing, soon there was no sight of where she once was left to hibernate.
Silence. She stops. Whistling winds, birds, the vexatious voices had dispersed. The warm beam of the sun and soft breeze harmonized around to create a beautiful calm she had never felt before.