CONTENTS INTRODUCTION...............................................................................................................................................................................................2 ABOUT THE AUTHOR................................................................................................................................................................................3 WHAT MEN REALLY WANT......................................................................................................................................................................4 1. WHAT IT MEANS TO BE VULNERABLE.............................................................................................................................4 2. CONFIDENCE TO BE HERSELF...............................................................................................................................................5 3. WHY COMPLIMENTS ARE SO IMPORTANT....................................................................................................................7 4. YOUR SEX DRIVE & PASSION.................................................................................................................................................8 5. COMPROMISE................................................................................................................................................................................10 6. HUMOUR & PLAYFULNESS.....................................................................................................................................................12 7. BEING IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS.................................................................................................................13 8. RESPECT & LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF....................................................................................................................15 9. CARING WITHOUT SMOTHERING........................................................................................................................................16 10. SUPPORT & AFFECTION LEAD TO STRONG EMOTIONAL CONNECTION...........................................17 WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT..........................................................................................................................................................19 1. LETS TALK COMMUNICATION.............................................................................................................................................19 2. BE EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE..........................................................................................................................................21 3. HONESTY & TRUST - SECURITY.........................................................................................................................................22 4. CONFIDENCE TO BE YOURSELF........................................................................................................................................24 5. CONSISTENTLY CONSISTENT AND FOLLOWING THROUGH.............................................................................25 6. THE POWER OF TOUCH AND VISUAL CUES..............................................................................................................26 7. SEXUAL DESIRE AND MAKING LOVE...............................................................................................................................28 8. INTELLIGENCE AND CONVERSATION..............................................................................................................................29 9. HUMOUR - WHY LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE...............................................................................................30 10. CHIVALRY......................................................................................................................................................................................31 HOW WE CAN HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU REALLY WANT ............................................................................................33 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS............................................................................................................................................................................34
INTRODUCTION In this eBook, I‘m going to help answer the age-old mystery, once and for all….. What do men and women really want? As a matchmaker and dating coach for over 20 years I have had the opportunity to speak to both men and women in vast volumes. The conversations between the sexes somehow seem to be very similar across the different ages, stages of the dating cycle. What is a matchmaker? A go-between, fixer, or intermediary. So, I do just that. I act as a go between by matching people, fix the challenges and sit in the middle of the confusion of trying to get 2 people to understand the thoughts and actions. Often, listening to he said and she said I regularly marvel at how differently a date or relationship was viewed by the sexes. Sometimes pondering if they were in fact in the same room! Coaching single people to use skills in human behaviour to relate and read the opposite sex and couples wanting to improve their relationship all became the inspiration and motivation for writing this eBook. Of course, I could have added many more chapters but I’ve started with the top 10 most important factors that both sexes define felt they most needed in a partner. They are in no order although I’m sure you’ll have your own order of importance. Happy reading and I hope this eBook helps you gain a greeter insight into the opposite sex, and to help solve the timeless conundrum.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Having commenced her career as a matchmaker at just 21 Louanne Ward devoted her professional career to the sole purpose of helping people find the love they truly desire. Founding her own matchmaking firm in 1993, Louanne has been named Corporate Cupid and Perth’s Millionaire Matchmaker. Working with people from all walks of life, ages, nationalities, educational qualifications and values she has positioned herself be one of the most experienced matchmakers today. Not only has Louanne had over 25 years’ experience, she has also commissioned and facilitated many surveys of real men and women, taken part in global studies, attended international conferences covering topics such as; the science behind love, why opposites don’t attract, what keeps people together and much more. Having completed her Executive Certification with the International Matchmaking Institute in New York, Louanne was invited to join an elite group of hand selected matchmakers from around the globe to enter a 12-month commitment to complete the Master Certification Program. As a trained Demartini Method Facilitator her coaching skills and knowledge of human behaviour makes her one of Australia’s leading matchmakers, date coaches and relationship experts. Having appeared in the media both nationally and internationally, Louanne’s wealth of credentials and experience have made her a go to authority and public figure. So, if you ever wanted to, know what the other sex really wants, there really is no one better to advise you than Louanne.
WHAT MEN REALLY WANT If there’s anything us ladies are curious to know about men, it’s what the hell is going on in that head of his? What does he really want? Give me a clue, so I can add, fix, stop doing, start doing, take-away, groom, accessorise, pluck, prune, and sculpt into something that’s more like what he wants. But it’s actually not about that. There’s nothing you need to change about yourself ladies; you’re perfect! I know you’ve been waiting your whole lives to hear that, but before you start strutting around like you’re on the red carpet, there is one thing you need to know; okay ten. This is about giving yourself permission to bring out what’s already inside you. Get a pen, and write this first one down on your forehead, so when you look in the mirror it’s always there…. But don’t forget to write it backwards, because you know, mirrors. Here’s our number one insight into, what men want in a woman.
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE VULNERABLE
What is being vulnerable? Many women think being vulnerable is about being
equal. However, they also need to feel there is a place
weak, needy and pretending you’re a helpless female.
in the relationship for them where they are needed.
It’s not like it was or is in the fairy tales. Men are very
Men have a built in switch where they want to make a
aware women don’t really need them. And let’s look at
woman happy and feel a sense of protection towards
what we really need a man for; we can even have
her. If you don’t show a man your vulnerable side and
babies without them, as long as we have someone to
create space for him in your world, he won’t see any
donate the sperm!
value in being in it.
So, for a man to be in a relationship with a woman, he
A man also needs to be vulnerable as well, make no
needs to feel he has an equal place within the
mistake about that. What we have to understand, is
relationship. It’s time to stop trying to be a man in a
that vulnerability is showing a sign of strength and it’s
man’s world. Be a woman, because being a woman is
actually showing your true authentic self.
more powerful than you know. Men have enough friends to banter with, they want a woman.
It’s natural for humans when they are presented with danger, to hide from the danger and also hide
It’s ok to be a power woman, have a great career, be
themselves from fear. If we are fearful of something,
self sufficient and independent. Despite what you think,
we protect ourselves from it. We put up walls and
men are not intimidated by successful woman. They
barriers and we lock everything out.
love a woman who they can be proud of, she is their
When you have the ability to show vulnerability, you are
has the chivalry gone?”. But, we don’t allow men to be
strong enough to say: “Hey! This is a fear of mine, if I let
chivalrous, by showing our vulnerability and asking
you in, I might get hurt. If I ask for help, you may think
them for help “Would you reach that for me, would you
I’m weak”. But this actually isn’t the case. It’s very easy
mind giving me a hand with this?”. Men are like a moth
to hide what you’re fearful of, but showing what you’re
to a flame when women need help with something.
fearful of and communicating what you’re fearful of, is actually way more attractive than making out you’re not
I was recently in the hardware store buying some
fearful of anything at all. When you are able to let down
firewood and those bags are heavy! They’re like 19kgs.
your walls and let someone in, this is attractive, whether
I can lift 19kgs, but, why would I? So, the first man who
you’re scared or not.
walked by, I said to him: “Can you please give me a hand lifting this?”. The man actually dropped everything
We think about getting a broken heart, being let down
on the floor to lift the bag into my car for me. I was with
and what everyone else may be thinking. So ladies, we
my daughter and I told her “That’s what being
need to get out of our heads and into our hearts in a
relationship. We need to show our true authentic self. There was no exchange of phone numbers, there was You also have to bring femininity to the table and part of
no picking someone up. It was just simply asking for
being feminine is being vulnerable. Like I said, it isn’t just
help, and men are happy to give it.
female related, men also have to show their vulnerability. And it’s not weak to cry in front of a man,
This is actually a really good way of meeting people as
it’s not weak for a man to say “Hey, can you give me a
well. In the supermarket, if something is too high for
hand or can I get your opinion on this?”. It is an equal
you to reach, ask a man to reach it for you. It’s about
opportunity in the relationship for both parties to
opening the lines of communication.
communicate. So, be vulnerable ladies and don’t think men don’t You have to also consider ladies; We complain “Where
CONFIDENCE TO BE HERSELF
Confidence was voted the fifth most desirable trait in a recent survey - Not surprising, is it? There’s just something sexy about a confident woman. Confidence doesn't mean you need to be the centre of attention or the life of the party though, and it comes in many different forms. When a woman is confident, she is comfortable in her own skin. She is authentic and is able to speak her mind without forcing her opinions on others. Men all seem to agree, they enjoy a woman who is able to show her feminine side and embrace being a woman. A woman who has their own personal style and can wear what she wants with confidence, can walk into a room with good posture and presence, this is a confident woman.
Confidence to make the first move is really attractive to a man. I'm not talking about a lap dance. I’m talking about a woman who’s confident enough to ask a man out, to approach a man and strike up a conversation, or to give him her phone number. When you show this kind of confidence you not only prove you are a woman who goes after what she wants, you also compliment the man and give him an ego boost. Confidence is being able to openly have conversations with people from all walks of life. For a man, being at a function, a work ‘do’ or a social event with his woman by his side, makes him feel proud and a woman who can work the room, talk to people and not have to be at his side the whole time, is a very attractive trait, particularly for men who are in jobs wherein they are required to attend a lot of work functions. Having the ability to take the lead and to express to a man what you're thinking, feeling and what you actually want, will have a very positive long-term effect on a relationship. Even just the simple things, such as when you are beginning to date someone. A man might say “Where would you like to go?” and the woman may respond with, “I don't mind, it’s up to you?”. Men have an innate desire to want to please a woman, so he is very appreciative of the confident woman who is able to actually say “I know! Let's go to this restaurant or see this movie, or go to the event”. It's not that he's being lazy with making the arrangements, it’s that he simply wants to please you.
In the early stages of dating, a woman expects a man to take the lead, read her mind and make all the arrangements, but if he gets it wrong, it can spoil the chances of a successful date, which leads to a second date. If you're a vegetarian and your date takes you to the Lone Star Steakhouse, the date is already in the negative. Strike one. So, rather than risk displeasing you, a man would rather ask and be told what you really think and where you'd really like to go. It's also important to show your true colours and start the relationship how you want to continue it. If you expect a man to read your mind and not be happy because he gets it wrong, then the relationship is never going to get off the ground. It's difficult to talk about confidence and not mention sex. Of course, every relationship is based on friendship, companionship, intimacy and sex. Mental connection and physical connection are both really important things. For a woman to be able to express what she wants in the bedroom and to confidently wear nice lingerie, is a very big turn on for a man, irrespective of how you dress for the outside world to see. For a man, knowing you're confident enough with your own your body, to be aware of what you like and are in touch with your own sexuality, is one of the key traits which will keep a relationship together through the ups and downs. Not to mention in the early days of a relationship, to be able to have the confidence to guide a man and express what you like, will ensure you are happy behind closed doors and between the sheets and that he is empowered by knowing what turns you on.
WHY COMPLIMENTS ARE SO IMPORTANT Over my past two decades as a date coach and professional Matchmaker, I speak to single men and women on a daily basis. He said, she said. Compliments are something that as women, we have almost come to expect as part of everyday life. Most women give and receive compliments on a daily basis and are regularly complimented by both men and women.
Whether it’s a
compliment on what we are wearing, the smell of our perfume, our accessories, a skill, or something we did well that day, we are used to getting them regularly. The poor men on the other hand, tend to miss out – Why? We’re not really giving men compliments, but we should!
It’s essential to compliment a man on your very first date, just as much as your partner of ten years. Start dishing out the compliments to men, whenever and wherever you can! Men have insecurities too you know (they are also human, after all), which means they also need validation, and as their date or their partner, we should be the ones giving it to them in the form of compliments. Some might even say in a relationship, the man needs compliments even more than the woman does, because they aren’t getting them from anyone else. Your compliments don’t always have to be verbal either. How about leaving cute notes around the house for him to find? – Not only is this thoughtful, but it’s also very romantic. It’s very important to ensure your compliments are genuine, sincere and often, but without being too clingy or over the top. Don’t dish out compliments purely in the hope you’ll get something out of it either - Give them because you genuinely mean them, and because you genuinely care. Not sure of the type of thing you should be saying to your man?
Here are 10 great compliment ideas for you: 1
I really admire you
Being wrapped up in your arms always makes me feel so safe
Have you been working out? You look great.
You have a way of making me laugh
I love your sense of humour
I can see why you’re so respected at work
The way you handle a problem is really admirable
I really value your opinion
I could get lost in your eyes
10 You’re so good at fixing things – thank you Complimenting your man, or any man for that matter, will not only make him feel good, but it will make you feel good too. And if it’s a relationship that you’re in, I can guarantee compliments will only make it that much better! So, remember, when it comes to compliments, don’t leave out the men in your life, because men really do need compliments too!
YOUR SEX DRIVE & PASSION
Sex drive and passion rated in the top four most important attributes which men were looking for in a recent survey. Commissioned by Louanne Ward with real, single men who were actively dating, searching for a woman to have a relationship with. Try looking at a relationship like a pyramid. Your relationship is a pyramid (a small one at that), and right at the very top of that pyramid is sex (like a cherry, if you will). It’s a very small point, but sex allows you to be intimate with your partner, and when you’re being intimate with your partner, you are sharing human touch and something very special between the two of you.
When we first meet someone, because we don’t know them very well, we communicate our feelings and our emotions with sexual chemistry and energy and from there, we create intimacy. Sharing this sacred and special connection will only bring you closer, because with this, you really are starting and building on a foundation for an amazing friendship, which spills down from the intimacy and trust. Intimacy isn’t just sex either! It’s other things too such as holding hands, snuggling on the couch, taking showers together, hugging, touching – all of these acts of intimacy help create a special bond, trust and connection so you feel safe and secure in the relationship. You become open to sharing things with each other, and from there, a beautiful friendship builds. Relationships can of course, build on the opposite, wherein you have a friendship first. But the pinnacle of a relationship is when a man and woman come together and make love. There are many things that drive a wedge in a relationship and drive a couple apart, but one of the first things which normally suffers is the sex. Everyone I have spoken to, who engage in my services, talks about what happened in previous relationships and where their sex life was at by the end of the relationship. In almost every instance, the sex had completely died by the time they parted If you take sex out of the pyramid, the intimacy stops, then the communication stops and your friendship starts to fail. And this, usually marks the beginning of the end in a relationship. Recently I watched an interesting show about couples
As a part of their therapy, they were asked to have sex
who were in therapy. The majority of these couples
every day for a period of seven days. They did, and
were struggling in their relationships and felt they
would not be able to salvage them.
together after that! – isn’t that amazing?!
More than half of the couples stayed
It’s a real testament to the sheer importance of sex in a relationship. If you find a way back to each other through sex and other acts of intimacy, this will spill down the entire pyramid and create a beautiful environment for you both to build on. Therefore, having a high sex drive, or at least some sex drive, is really necessary for a relationship to work and stay together. Let’s look at passion now… The more passion you have for something, the more likely you are to be sharing that passion. Passion isn’t necessarily a sexual thing either, unless sex is your passion! If you’re not passionate about something, it’s well known that your libido is lower and passionate people live life in a more open manner. It doesn’t matter what your passion is. Whether your passion is for kite surfing, cooking, music, tennis or fashion, someone who has a passion for something, is usually someone who looks at the world in a different way and this way creates excitement. And where there is excitement, a sexual energy is usually released. I’m not saying you have to make love four times a day every single day, each individual couple will decide what is right for them, and obviously as the relationship goes on, this wanes off a bit. But no man wants it to just stop altogether. So, have a think about sex drive and passion and what it means to you. There’s a saying: “Women need a reason to make love, men just need a place”. This is fairly accurate. Men don’t overthink sex, so for them to be with a woman who doesn’t overthink it and who is passionate and spontaneous is very important. One of the top four most important qualities in fact !
Men want a woman who is able to compromise and not expect everything in the relationship and in life, to go her way.
What does it mean to compromise? To a man, being able to compromise and to be flexible, means you are someone who possesses emotional maturity. You are someone who doesn’t consider yourself above him and someone who doesn’t put him through the ringer, or make him jump through hoops. When a lot of women start dating, they seem to want the man to jump through all sorts of hoops for her. They want him to give them compliments, to call them all the time, to pay for everything, to dress well, to have a good career, to be tall, to always be available, to tell her what she wants to hear, and so on. But what actually happens, is that a lot of the time, the woman who is expecting all of these things from a man, actually hasn’t got or doesn’t do a lot of these things, which she is expecting the man to bring to the table, herself and there is often little ability for her to compromise outside of what she wants and thinks. Being able to compromise, is a mutual tennis match, if you will.
What this means though, is not compromising who you
man know you’re happy to compromise on where you
are, what you really think or what’s really important to
go to dinner, your next holiday destination, who sleeps
you. I think we often get confused when it comes to
on what side of the bed etc you guys will figure that
compromise and think that it’s just about bowing down
and giving in to someone. It’s not and a man doesn’t want you to do this either.
A good man, will be quite happy for you to say “Actually. I don’t want to do that.”. Because he would much
Sometimes, it’s the lack of compromise which is
rather you do that and display some honesty, than
actually needed, in order to build a healthy relationship,
compromise to suit him, only to expect him to
because what you shouldn’t ever have to compromise,
compromise to suit you back - That sort of thing is a
You should never have to compromise
yourself to fit in with anyone. When we talk about compromise it’s not about getting everything the one
Remember, having the flexibility to have a mutual
way and the man doesn’t want you to compromise
exchange within a relationship, in terms of making
everything to fit in with him and to then throw it all back
in his face.
compromising your own values to fit in with his and
expecting him to compromise his own values to fit in So, compromise in other ways, such as, letting your
HUMOUR & PLAYFULNESS
Both of these things ranked in the top 4 of one of my recent surveys of the most attractive qualities that men were looking for in a date in a relationship. I think if we look at the whole business of dating, we will see that it’s become quite a sterile environment, wherein you go along to a date with your list of expectations and a checklist of what you’re looking for in a partner. And so, a date can often feel like a job interview where mundane questions are being fired are backwards and forwards and these usually leave your date thinking ‘Next!’. A woman who has the ability to bring a little bit of humour, laughter and playfulness to a date and in life, is the kind of woman who is infectious. She is the kind of woman a man wants to be around, a woman who takes a light-hearted view of herself and the world around her. That’s not to say that she’s flippant to the serious issues in life, but that she is someone who knows when to be playful, when to flirt a little and when to bring in a little bit of spontaneity to the mix! Spontaneity is again, one of those traits which men are drawn to and a woman who has the ability to be spontaneous, laugh and be playful, has the man expecting the unexpected and men really like this. Spontaneity is also very sexy. It tells men that you have a sense of adventure for life, and that = a sense of adventure in the bedroom too! Being spontaneous is not only about being willing to do things on the spur of the moment, it’s about being thoughtful and showing your man how much you enjoy pleasing him. Especially for men in busy careers who make decisions all day, they don’t want to be responsible for planning every date. Get spontaneous ladies, whether you surprise him with a bath and a massage on his arrival home, pack a night picnic, make love outside the bedroom, you’ll keep him hooked by being spontaneous.
It’s about loving life and being open to possibilities. Having a sense of humour isn’t about trying to be funny as such, and it isn’t just about laughing at a funny movie. And it’s not about breaking out into a routine at the comedy club either. It’s about having a particular attitude towards life, which shows both light and shade and having the ability to bring joy and happiness into a room.
What is playfulness? Playfulness isn't necessarily a pillow fight or a board game (although those things are fun). The type of playfulness I am referring to, is about being spontaneous, fun and doing the unexpected! A sense of humour, playfulness and spontaneity will take the date to the next level and it will also bring a little bit of mystery, intrigue and fun into your relationship or dating life.
BEING IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS
Well, we all know that men are from Mars and women
When we look at a woman not being in control of her
are from Venus, but what does this mean in a
emotions, there are many examples we could give you.
relationship? And what does it mean to a man, for a
woman to be in control of her emotions? Let’s say, you’re dating a man and he says “I’ll give you a It means that often, there is a disconnect between the
call at 6.00”. 6.00 comes and he hasn’t called. 6.30
way a woman communicates what she wants and the
comes, 7.00 comes, 7.30 comes and he still hasn’t
way this is understood by a man.
called. You are angry and frustrated because your night has been wasted waiting on him.
You now have
Men are very simple creatures. If you ask a man what his
options of how you choose to react to this situation.
primary goal is in life, it’s probably to keep his woman
The woman who isn’t in control of her emotions, will
happy. If you were to ask a woman this, she probably
most likely start with a barrage of text messages, a
wouldn’t be able to come up with one answer. Let’s
swamp of phone calls, she will be extremely angry and
face it, it’s pretty difficult to keep a woman happy.
he will know it. There may be a reason that he didn’t call and it could just be a simple and forgivable mistake or a
So, for a man to have a woman who will go through the
miscommunication, but the woman flying off the
journey with him, whilst being in control of her
handle and getting overly worked up, isn’t going to help
emotions is really important.
I’m not talking about not crying whilst watching the
It’s the same as when you have expectations of a man.
Notebook or not over expressing your emotions in
If you always expect him to give what you give, then
certain environments or situations, but a woman who is
you’re always going to be disappointed and let down,
lacking control, is needy, displays anger and frustration
because men don’t give in the same way women do
and can’t hold herself or contain herself or her
and they don’t communicate the same way either.
sarcastic, nasty tongue and contain herself is going to turn any man off.
Therefore, you have to be mindful of the fact that what
Over my two-decade career, I cannot tell you how
you say can’t be taken back and what has been seen
many relationships have ended over bad text messages.
cannot be unseen. Which is why, texting someone
Relationships have ended purely because someone has
when you’re angry, is never a good idea.
sent something in the heat of the moment, when they weren’t in control of their emotions.
Neither is texting someone when you are emotionally charged (whether that be on a high or a low) and you’ve
Likewise ladies, if you go on a date with a man and he
been drinking, because something is bound to go
doesn’t call you, this is not the end of the world! Even if
wrong. Always remember this mathematical equation:
you date a man for a year and he breaks it off, this too,
Emotions + texting + alcohol = disaster.
is not the end of the world! So, what you do with your emotions and how you handle them during these
If you are over the legal limit to drive a car, then you
situations, really says a lot about you and how he will
should really be over the legal limit to send text
messages to certain people. Emotions can go two ways - high or low.
If men are looking for a long-term relationship, they want to do that with a woman who is secure within
For example, in that moment of euphoria, you might
herself, who is going to be a good leader, teacher,
send a naked picture of yourself. If something goes
mother and nurturer and partner, so anyone who loses
wrong one day, you don’t know if you’re going to have
it at a drop of a hat, is not in control of her emotions, a
a jilted lover on your hands and that naked picture
man will see that and he won’t want that for his future.
could fall into the wrong hands and be used against you. This is yet another example of why emotions,
So, ladies, keep your emotions under control and
texting and alcohol should not mix.
practice ways to manage them, without projecting them onto your partner. If you find it hard to manage your emotions set up a skype session with me and I’ll give you all the tools you need to keep your emotions in check. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
RESPECT & LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF
When we talk about respect, we are talking about respect for self and respect for others. To a man, a woman who can respect herself, him and others, is a woman who he is more likely to see a future with. Respect comes in many different ways, shapes and forms. Let’s say we are out on a date and we look at the very early parts of a relationship and dating. If a woman turns up late to a date, she isn’t respecting the man’s time. This shows that she believes she is above him. Of course, sometimes you just cannot avoid being late, certain things might happen, but the way you handle being late matters… i.e. whether or not you apologize for being late, and whether or not you let the man know that you’re actually going to be late, is a way that you can show your date that you do in fact, respect him and his time. Respect is the same as any trait which you possess and there are dots which are all connected.
Here’s another example: Let’s say you’re on a date and
This goes for anyone else who may come into your
the waitress comes to take your order and you’re
world too. Whether they be people who are close to
unkind or unpleasant to the waitress, you’re not
you and him, such as his parents, his friends, his work
showing respect to her, her feelings or your date. So
colleagues, the way you treat and respect them is very
that’s not going to go down well either! In my next
eBook the 7 biggest dating turn offs, this one forms part of chapter 4.
This also spills over into how you see yourself too. The way you look after yourself, your home, your job, your
As the relationship progresses so does respect. You
family and your friends. The way you look after yourself
have consider his time, space, energy, morals, career
says a great deal about you.
and his desire to want to spend time with his friends. Any woman who possesses the other attributes that
If you are a woman looking for a long-term relationship,
we’ve already looked into, such as confidence,
but can’t be bothered taking care of yourself, then you
generally knows how to have a life of her own,
are not respecting yourself and if you are not taking
therefore she will respect that the man also, has a life of
care of yourself or respecting yourself, then how can
you take care of others and respect others? And how are you going to take care of your future children - he
Respect for other people’s opinions, the way in which
won't consider you as wife material.
they live their life and the things that they do, without injecting your personal values onto them and
So, look after yourself, respect yourself and respect
expecting them to conform to what you want or
everyone around you. Not only for a man, but for you!
believe, is also something that we need to consider when being respectful towards our partners.
CARING WITHOUT SMOTHERING
What does caring mean? What caring means can be somewhat tricky to talk about, as it can differ from person to person. We all consider ourselves to be caring, but caring for yourself and caring for others is not dissimilar to being supportive or being vulnerable; those things go hand in hand. When you are a caring person you are sometimes required to put other people’s needs above your own. Women are the primary nurturers just as men are the primary provider, but as society has changed we take on both roles. Whatever works in a relationship works. No longer is the man’s sole role to be the provider and nor is it solely the woman’s role to be the nurturer. There are plenty of men who stay home and look after the children while the woman goes out to work. Along the way, there has to be an element of caring in a relationship. But how do we care for a man, especially when he’s strong and confident? We have to counterbalance that, particularly if he is the stronger alpha male type. But even if he is not, a man still needs to feel that we care about his best interests, care about how he feels and about what has happened in his day. That we care about making him feel loved, appreciated and supported. This is the same as what we expect really. Caring for a man is in the little things we do for him. I almost included a whole chapter on ‘Men want a Woman who can Cook’ but I thought maybe I might get stoned to death in the streets by women who don’t cook! I was talking to one of my clients, a successful alpha male in his early 40’s who has been married and divorced. He was telling me that none of the women he has ever been involved with have been able to cook. Ironically, his ex-wife has now learnt to cook and makes a living out of it.
For many men, a way to show them they are being cared for is to actually cook for them. Maybe that is why in the 1960’s it was preached that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! Perhaps our grandmothers and great-grandmothers weren’t so wrong, because if I asked ten men or a hundred men how much they enjoy being cooked for, a lot of them these days will tell me they are good cooks themselves and love cooking for a woman. Cooking is now accepted as a form of caring, so men are now taking that on board and know that they are caring for their women, whilst cooking for them. There are many ways we can care for somebody. We can care for them in a physical way, we can care for them in a nurturing, affectionate way and we need to show our partners, that we do actually care about them by cooking for them, giving them a massage, being there to talk to them and letting them go out to do the things that they want to do without making them feel guilty – that’s being caring.
SUPPORT & AFFECTION LEAD TO STRONG EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
Men want support. By support, I don’t mean going
Being affectionate towards your man is also a form of
along with every single thing your man says and does.
support, because not all men want to sit and talk about
Being supportive of your man is showing him that you
their feelings, where they need support and how they
understand and support his hopes and dreams and
need support for hours on end.
respect his thoughts and opinions. You support him through the good times and the bad.
Women like to talk about their feelings and problems. We start the conversation and often, by the end of the
A lot of women feel that it’s a man job to have her
conversation, we have found a solution to the problem.
back. But really, a relationship is like a see-saw. A
Men aren’t like this (not all men are anyway). We yearn
see-saw or a scale tipping one way and the other way
for a man who is like this, sure, but sometimes, it’s not
constantly. It’s not the man above you and you below
reality for every single man and relationship so support
him, nor is it you above the man or the man below
the way he expresses himself
you. You are equals and the scales are constantly moving from side to side.
This is why, being affectionate is another important and valuable way of showing your support to your man,
A woman who can support her man, understands he
without always communicating with him.
sometimes needs to work late, sometimes he may need to put more time and attention into his kids, or he
Affection is so important during the times when the
may need to spend more time studying etc.
communication just may not be there.
throughout these times, having a woman by his side who will take that journey with him, with compassion, support and understanding, means the absolute world.
This goes back to the power of human touch. When we form a bond with someone, touch is an integral part of that, because when we touch, we don’t just connect on a physical level; we connect on an emotional and psychological level too, so it is something which is vital within relationships. Just being able to hug your man or hold his hand when he needs support, is sometimes that much more powerful than any words you can ever say. Even laying with him, tickling his back, or giving him a massage – All of these things show him you’re there supporting him, without necessarily needing to say the words. Not only that, these things will also stick in a man’s mind and make you the woman who he turns to, when he does feel like talking. So, don’t forget that support and affection really do go hand in hand for a man.
WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT We know what you’re thinking, how did you fit a woman’s list into 10? Well, it wasn’t easy, believe me, we wanted to add more in, but then that wouldn’t be fair, now would it? If there’s anything a man wants to know about women, it’s what does she really want? And how can I give that to her? After all, men love pleasuring women. Men aren’t overly sure if they understand women. They know they take a long time getting ready, talk a lot with their girlfriends and crave Tim Tams, but do they really know what’s going on inside our pretty heads? I think they’re slightly terrified, and almost don’t want to know. But we can assure you; men would be so much better off memorising this insightful list… And when you’re done guys, please share it with your mates. The more men that know this stuff, the better off the world would be. Think about it; imagine never being scared of how a woman is going to react, because if you follow this guide, she’ll have nothing to react to. Promise!
LETS TALK COMMUNICATION
This is very high on the list for a woman. A woman needs to feel that she can communicate with you on all different levels. I know that men and women are very different in their communication styles. When a woman communicates, for example she starts talking about a problem, it will go off on this tangent and that tangent, but at the end of the conversation she has usually found a solution and can put the problem to bed. If a woman isn’t able to communicate with you, she may bottle things up and this is going to cause a lot of problems. A woman wants to have the opportunity to communicate at a level that is healthy within a relationship. Often when a woman is wanting to communicate, she is not wanting you to solve all her problems, she wants to be able to talk to you about them. She wants to be able to talk to you about little issues that arise, she wants to be able to tell you what pisses her off and for you to learn from that level of communication and hopefully not repeat that same behaviour again. Information is power and what you do with that information is important. You have the power to create a really great foundation for the relationship or you have the power to just ignore the information and continue to not respect what a woman is telling you.
If she can’t communicate with you, she will start disconnecting and she will start communicating with her friends who will more than likely give her
relationship. To communicate effectively, you actually have to be present and in the moment.
So, if someone is
trying to communicate with you and you
insulting and it causes even more problems. Therefore, when we are communicating with a man we want to feel that he is actually listening and is invested in the conversation. For example; If you are watching TV or reading the newspaper and a woman is ‘rattling on at you’ it is actually better to stop her in her tracks and say, “Darling I just want to finish reading this article, can you give me two minutes?” rather than only half listening to her. Because if you communicate at that kind of level, what’s going to happen is, it’s going to come back and bite you on the backside! Why? Because you’ve got to remember what she was
Communication is not just in the talking, it’s in the listening too.
telling you. Two weeks later she is
Effective communication is listening. It is listening with your ears as
going to be saying “I told you that
well as listening with your eyes, by having a look at what is going on
we’ve got Aunty Maria’s wedding
tomorrow.” You are not prepared for Aunty Maria’s wedding because
You can communicate in all sorts of different ways. So, when a woman
you weren’t listening to what she
is telling you something and she’s crying, clearly she is upset about
was telling you.
Therefore, it is
much better to give your undivided
understand that it is a very powerful thing when she is trying to
attention when you can, so later on
communicate with you that is why care and attention needs to be given
it doesn’t come back to bite you!
to each conversation and that is called a form of respect as well.
BE EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE
What is it to be emotionally available?
So here’s what happens, you see a lady you like, you meet her, you chase her, you start getting to know her
There is a difference between being available emotion-
and around a month into it, even though you have set
ally and emotional intelligence. We are going to touch
the pace, you suddenly think, “Whoa! This is moving too
on all of these subjects because they are a little bit
fast.” What happens to the woman is that she will think,
different but they are also quite interrelated.
okay we can slow it down, but the man then says he isn’t sure and doesn’t think he’s ready. This is likely
Having somebody who is emotionally available doesn’t
because he is attaching guilt and shame to moving
seem like very much to ask.
straight on having not dealt with the emotional issues surrounding the failure of the previous relationship.
It is very important to own your own shit before you
Emotional availability is really important and whilst we
move on and try to venture back into the dating world.
don’t expect you to sit home every weekend after you
You can be physically with somebody but emotionally
come out of a relationship, if you are dating a woman
you could be stuck in the past.
you need to make it very clear that you have recently come out of a relationship and are not looking to get into anything at the moment and just want to date.
Coming out of a long-term relationship and then looking for the thrill of the chase outside of that
This is what Tinder and similar apps were made for – to
relationship, before you have really dealt with the
safely go and date without the expectation of a
breakdown of a relationship, is very risky business for
relationship. Now sadly, Tinder is being used for people
both parties but more so for the woman. If a woman is
who are looking for relationships and people who just
available to move on she will enter into the dating
want to date, almost have nowhere to go without being
world. But women who are still pining over lost love
don’t usually date. They sit at home and cry until the pain goes away and they are ready to trust again.
Honesty is what we are looking for. Make it clear to a woman what your intentions are in terms of your
Men on the other hand, are very different creatures and
emotional availability. So, either be emotionally
men, what you’ve got to understand is that when you
available or tell the woman you are available but not
come out of a relationship and three weeks later you
available for an emotionally committed relationship.
venture back into the dating world, you can hurt people along the way, even though it is not your intention. This
Emotional intelligence is about having the ability to
is because what happens is that the thrill of the chase
consider someone else’s feelings. I’m not saying you
raises a man’s testosterone levels and when your
have to put yourself entirely in their shoes, but to give
testosterone levels are raised, you start to feel good
consideration to sharing what is going on in your mind
about yourself, which is often what you lacked in the
and in your heart.
relationship you have just come out of. Therefore, you are out there in the dating world and all of a sudden,
As men, and as boys you are often taught; boys don’t
women find you attractive and appealing and you can
cry and that showing feelings is a sign of weakness. This
explore that, and this can be a powerful feeling.
is actually bullshit! What you need to do is be able to get
in touch with who you are and communicate emotionally what you really want and tell the woman what you need. We don’t expect you to blubber in every sad movie, but you shouldn’t be afraid to express yourself emotionally in front of a woman. That is when you know that you have a trusting connection. A woman will be able to support and care for you better if she knows who you really are. So, consider what you say and consider your actions, because that gentleman, is called being emotionally intelligent.
HONESTY & TRUST = SECURITY
Honesty is everything in a relationship; without it, there
I think we have to assume, for trustworthiness to be in
is no trust, and without trust, there is no relationship.
the top four traits of what women are looking for in a man, (and we provided the women with the same set of
Women voted trust and honesty as two separate traits
traits as we gave the men to choose from), then the
which they really desire and need in a man, and these
majority of women must have, at some point in their
both came in the top four traits, a recent survey
lives, experienced a man who is untrustworthy.
commissioned by Louanne Ward matchmaking. So, what is untrustworthiness? – Because it is very Intelligence was number one, humour number two,
subjective to many things.
honesty number three and trustworthy number four. You usually trust what someone tells you. So, when My mind kind of boggles as to the perception of the
someone breaks that trust, it’s very hard to gain that
difference between someone being trustworthy and
trust back, especially when it comes to a man. Usually,
someone being honest, because by definition, if you
when you discuss with a man, it’s gone, over, done and
are being honest about your intentions, who you are
dusted and he will rarely bring it up again. But with a
and what your motivations for doing anything is, then
woman, when she feels that there has been a mistrust
surely that would mean you’re trustworthy. No?
somewhere, she is usually holding on to it for good. She may forgive the man for the mistrust, but it’s rarely
I guess this lends itself to the questions of: ‘Trust’…
Do we necessarily give our trust to everyone we meet?
Women, would rather not be put it the space wherein
Is trust something that is a given as a basic right? Or is
we have to hold onto something, which causes alarm
trust something that you must earn?
to us, because this raises fear within in us (and that’s the same with honesty).
If women are mostly wanting a man who is trustworthy, does this then mean that the majority of women have
No one can be 100% honest all of the time and actually
experienced a man who is untrustworthy?
be in a relationship with any person, with a partner, a wife, a lover, a friend. We can be in a relationship, but it’s not going to be a very good one, because honesty has its boundaries as well and brutal honesty is another subject altogether.
We expect a level of honesty in terms of monogamy and exclusivity. If you’re honestly dating two or three women at a time, then I think it’s reasonable for the women you’re dating to be aware of this, so she has the information and can then make her decision accordingly. A woman doesn’t expect you to conform to how she would like you to be, she simply expects mutual honesty. When you’re honest with a woman, you give her the opportunity to have an honest response, based on the truth. If you’re not honest, how do you expect her to be? What you give out in a relationship, you will get back. It’s important to let women know what you want in any particular situation, at that time. Because if you’re honest, you’re showing your true authentic self, and that is much more attractive than a dressed-up lie. We would prefer a man to say; “Look, I’m not sure if I’m looking for a relationship at the moment, but I like hanging out with you, I just can’t tell you where it’s going to go”. We need that kind of honesty. We don’t necessarily need this kind of honesty though; “Wow, your butt looks really big in those pants!”. That kind of honesty, will likely get you injured!
Trust is also something which needs to be considered for keeping things sacred within your relationship. Details of your relationship don’t need to be shared with everyone. For example, sometimes social media really needs to stay out of the equation, so that your partner trusts that when you have something nice to say to her, that you are giving it to her, and to her only, before you are giving it to the rest of the world. So, guys, be honest about what’s important, be diplomatic about the things that maybe aren’t so important and think of trustworthiness as something which is across the board in all areas, and in turn, this will help create a trust wherein a woman can open up to you emotionally, mentally and physically.
CONFIDENCE TO BE YOURSELF
We know that a man doesn’t have to be good looking
solve them for her. Sometimes when a woman is
to attract a woman, but he does have to be confident.
discussing a problem she doesn’t necessarily want you to solve the problem. You being able to be open and
So, why do women need a man with confidence and
honest and simply be able to listen to her without
what is the difference between being confident and
having to come up with a solution, shows strength and
strength is confidence!
One is an attractive trait and the other is not so much,
It is about knowing how to take charge and when to
or put another way, there is a difference between being
take charge and it is also about knowing when to let go
an alpha male and a dickhead!
and let her find her way whilst being there for her.
Let’s talk about confidence.
A confident man is a man who is self- assured. He is a man who knows who he is and what he wants. He
Confidence comes in many ways, shapes and forms.
doesn’t outwardly second-guess himself even though
For a woman to see a man who can have his own
he might not always get it right. He backs himself to
personal style, knows how to dress, walk into a room,
give it a go. He doesn’t listen to people say, “You can’t
have presence, own the room and have the confidence
do that.” He’s a leader. He strives towards the things he
to approach a woman, is very sexy in a woman’s mind.
No-one goes and talks to anybody anymore. We all go out Friday and Saturday nights, there’ll be hundreds of
A confident man is always someone who’s prepared to
people standing around and men commenting to their
lose, but he’s not a man who shrinks into the
friends when they spot a woman they think is hot, but
background and doesn’t even give it a go. A woman
they don’t actually approach the girl.
would rather be with a man who has the balls to try rather than a man who is so scared of failing, that he
Women need a man who is confident enough to not
doesn’t try at all.
only approach her, but also knows how to talk to her As much as there is a massive feminist movement, or at
when they do.
least has been, and men have been taught to maybe
What else is confident to a woman?
supress their alpha side, most women respect a man with strength and confidence.
A man who has the confidence to stand up to her and actually let her know if he doesn’t agree with
So, men, never underestimate your confidence as long
something. Not in an argumentative way of course, but
as it is done without too much arrogance.
in a way, that lets her know that you have your own A little bit of arrogance can go hand in hand with
confidence, but arrogance isn’t being a smart-arse or A confident man will be happy enough to listen to the
a sarcastic twit; it’s actually just letting the woman
woman’s problems and challenges without the need to
know that you are a man and you are there to grab life by the balls and live it!
CONSISTENTLY CONSISTENT AND FOLLOWING THROUGH
Women love it when you follow through with your words, with actions. What you say, is equally as important as the things you demonstrate – Actions speak louder than words but words form a basis on which to demonstrate your actions. You could tell a woman you love her to the moon and back, but unless you follow that up with actions demonstrating this said love, you may as well save yourself some time and throw your own clothes out the window onto the street. “I’ll give you a call tomorrow”. How many times have you said that to a girl and then not called? Why? Women don’t need to hear what you think they need to hear, what they want, is for you to follow through. Women don’t require as much from a man as he thinks she does. However, she requires mutual respect. Say it, own it, do it! Otherwise, shut up! Women don’t need lip service, they need after sales service! There’s nothing more frustrating to a woman, then a man who doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do. So, save yourself the pain, think about what you’re going to say before you say it, and if you don’t think you’ll be able to, or want to back it up with an action, then don’t say it in the first place! It’s as simple as that.
What women also truly value in a man, is consistency.
Women will adapt to the pace in which you set the foundations. You can’t call and text her fifteen times a
When a woman starts seeing a man and he’s messaging
day before sleeping with her, and then expect her to
her all the time, and planning the next date during a
feel secure when you only text her twice a week, after
date, it’s bliss! You’re both on the same page, or at least
you think you are… The time after the time you spend together is just as Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a different beast
important as the time you spend together (try saying
emerges wearing her beau’s skin and hair. He sure
that after a few tequilas!). So, you’ve really got to keep
sounds like him and smells like him, but still, she’s not
the momentum going. It’s what I like to call the “after
sure who the hell this person is. The ghastly and terrify-
ing “Inconsistent Man” has taken possession of his body, and it’s time for her to run for safety!
Before you sleep together, you’re giving your sales pitch. You say nice things, treat her like a princess,
Or even worse, she encounters his distant cousin the
make her feel on top of the world. Then when she
“Disappearing Man”, the one who is all there one
decides to make the purchase, you’re making sure
moment, then completely gone the next.
you’re doing all the right things in the right way, everything is going swimmingly. Then when the sale is
All jokes aside, women hate it when a man starts off
done, and you don’t follow up with your after sales
one way, then all the sudden for no reason,
service, she feels out of sight and out of mind.
completely changes his tune. Men, you’ve really got to be consistent. Even if you behave poorly from the
No self-respecting woman who knows herself will
beginning, at least she’ll know who you really are and
accept this behaviour, and for those who do, you’d be
what you really want. That way, she can make an
well advised to tick the ‘crazy/hot matrix box, because
informed choice on whether she wants more of that
she is not long-term material. A woman worth keeping,
appreciates the after sales service, and in return, will want to make another purchase.
All relationships are different and all men are different, women don’t expect all men to be the same, so don’t
Remember men, actions speak louder than words and
be mistaken. What we do expect however, is
consistency within the one man.
THE POWER OF TOUCH AND VISUAL CUES
What does it mean to a woman when a man makes an effort? Well, making an effort comes in many shapes and sizes. We make an effort with our time, presentation and the way we dress, among many other things. Most women put in a lot of effort and attention to detail into dressing for a man, so if you turn up wearing a crumpled shirt and jeans that are too big for you, along with dirt under your nails and messy hair, it shows that you haven’t made an effort and that you don’t think she’s worth it.
Women are visual too! They all appreciate a good-looking, well-groomed man who makes an effort to attract a woman. Therefore, making an effort with your appearance is important. Making an effort isn’t just about your appearance though. It’s also about the way you speak to her and the way you make her feel. Compliment her and let her know you value her; it’ll show her you’re making an effort. And that means more in a woman’s world, than your biceps and good looks; which we all know are going to fade! So, what else does it mean for a man to make an effort? I think for a woman, it’s all about the little things a man does, which don’t go unnoticed. A man might bring her flowers, or do little things without being asked, to show his appreciation for her, such as cooking dinner, planning a special day out, arranging a picnic, placing a flower on her car or even leaving a romantic note under her pillow. Women are generally very responsive to the little things and these little things really do mean a lot! When it comes to physical forms of affection, simple things such as giving her a hug, holding her hand, sitting close to her or kissing her in public really go a long way.
When we form a bond with someone, touch is an
I’m not talking about doing a full on pash when you’re
integral part of that, because when we touch, we don’t
out at dinner (some people in the restaurant may not
just connect on a physical level; we connect on an
appreciate this!). I’m talking about just giving her a little
emotional and psychological level too.
kiss and letting the world know that she’s with you. There are documented benefits of the healing power of It’s much the same as being intimate, but affection is
touch, and how it can have a positive effect on your
very much about human touch.
As humans, we’re actually designed to be touched.
So, gentleman, make an effort, be affectionate and
Physical touch is fundamental to human connection
don’t be afraid to show you’re interested in a date, or
and relationships, especially in this day and age. Never
how much you love and care for your partner, with
before have we needed physical touch so much, than
some human touch.
after the introduction of social media.
appreciate it more than you know.
The woman in your life will
SEXUAL DESIRE AND MAKING LOVE
Having sex with someone for the first time is a game changer for a woman. Going out and dating is one thing, but when you move that goal post from just dating to having sex, there is almost a line where you would assume that you are going to be exclusive. So, before you sleep with a woman, it’s really important to understand what the ground rules are and what it means to the woman. This is because most women assume that when they make love, it is going to be an exclusive thing. There’s an old saying; women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place to have sex. This pretty much hasn’t changed since the dawn of time.
When you look at the difference between sex and making love in the early stages of the relationship, you don’t know each other well enough in an emotional state to be able to connect on a deep emotional level. So, sex is actually a really important part of building that strong foundation, because without sex the intimacy that you need to discover won’t actually develop. As the relationship further progresses, the act of having sex changes to making love. This is where there is also confusion between the sexes, because in the early days of excitement and being ‘in lust’ with somebody, you are pretty much fucking everywhere - in the kitchen, the al-fresco, in the pool, the shower, it doesn’t really matter, all bets are off and suddenly it’s something that you can do everywhere.
And as the relationship progresses even further, it’s been a year or two and we find ourselves seriously committed, this is an area which starts slipping. For a man, keeping that sexual energy and excitement alive is really important. However, a woman needs the affection and the intimacy leading up to making love a lot more than what a man does. So, guys, you’ve really got to understand the difference between a man and woman here! It’s ok to still expect a quickie here and there, but making love to a woman starts first thing in the morning. Building up over the whole day with cheeky text messages and a bit of sexting, can go a long way to set the intention and the mood. You need to put her into that state of excitement. You’ll find that if you can do that for a woman you will never have a dull sex life. Don’t forget there is a big difference between the two of you and sex does change the course of your relationship, as well as the course of dating; so, make sure that when you are ready to take the step, that you and the woman have at some point had the discussion, not just before the actual act, but at some point, the ground rules do actually have to be set.
INTELLIGENCE AND CONVERSATION
When we talk about the number one trait which both
love a good-looking man, if he can’t switch our minds
sexes find important and attractive, we talk about
on, then there is very little chance, that he is going to
switch on anything down below!
Specifically, ‘intelligence’ for men and
‘mental stimulation’ for women. The best-looking man in the world is nice to look at, There are many different levels of intelligence and we
touch, hold and wake up to, sure, but outside of that,
can classify it under many different banners. There’s
there isn’t much else. Women need to be able to talk,
academic intelligence, emotional intelligence, life
laugh, be mentally stimulated, to feel that she can learn
experience, being street wise etc. These are all forms
something from a man and to be inspired to want to
of intelligence, and what’s important to one person,
know and hear more from him.
may not be necessarily as important to the next. Mental stimulation however, is the area of intelligence which is important to women.
Intelligence becomes more than just being smart in one area, because when you are intelligent, you become intelligent across the board. You learn to drive a conversation, whether it’s light hearted and banter filled,
Believe it or not, there is a sexual orientation called ‘sapiosexual’. If you are a sapiosexual person, you are actually turned on by the mind and how the mind works. A sapiosexual is attracted and turned on, by the level of communication and intellect which is being shared, and not necessarily by the external things. For a woman, this can be a very powerful magnet.
or a serious conversation about a current world event and women want to learn from you, they thrive on it. They want to, not necessarily look up to a man, but to feel that he has something to contribute. There is nothing sexier than a man who is sharing his wisdom with us, in whatever level it happens to be in. So, there you have it guys, time to hit the books and
Therefore, a man doesn’t necessarily have to be
brush up on your quantum physics and feminist
attractive on the outside, because as much as we all
existentialism, and before too long, you’ll be switching on more than our minds!
HUMOUR- WHY LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE
Humour was voted number two in a recent survey on the most desired traits a woman is looking for in a man. We all know that having a bit of humour in dating and in a relationship and in life, is important. It’s also a very important part of really connecting with somebody - But why? If we look at the scientific reasons behind humour and why it’s so important, it’s probably not that hard to establish. Laughter leads to the release of endorphins. Endorphins are a self-manufactured natural opiate which has been scientifically shown to carry messages of attachment and bonding, as well as stimulate feelings of caring. Endorphins also help create a positive state of mind, whilst boosting optimism, self-confidence and feelings of self-worth, as well as assisting in reducing some symptoms of stress. In addition to all of these incredible benefits, endorphins also act as a natural painkiller – So, laughter really is, the best medicine!
If you are on a date and you are laughing, you feel
There is really nobody more attractive than someone
happier, more relaxed and when you feel this, although
who has the ability to laugh at themselves, stressful
you may not even realise it, you are also naturally
situations and best of all, to make you laugh.
stimulating feelings of care, attachment and bonding. Therefore, once you have left a date which has been
For a woman, having a man who is able to make her
filled with lots of laughter, not only do you feel good,
laugh, will likely remove many of the stresses of her day
you will usually feel very good about the person you
to day life and for a man to be able to do that, is a very
were on a date with too. Then you will likely conclude,
powerful element in connecting.
that it has been a very successful date! Often, it’s the woman who are more positive and joyful, According to research, laughing together is a sure sign
so for a man to be that for a woman and to be able to
of a spark, and could also be a sign that you are on a
see the humorous side to life brings balance &
path to lasting love.
lightheartedness to lifes journey.. Providing he is still able to be serious in the right circumstances of course!
If you think about the general perception of someone who is laughing and is able to make you laugh, it;s
Laughing, naturally makes you feel happy, so making a
usually a great indication if they will be a positive person
woman laugh, is literally making he happy and when
to be around. They are someone who makes you feel
you’re making her happy, how can you go wrong?
good and who you want to spend as much time with as possible.
What is Chivalry? Chivalry is different to everyone, but being chivalrous and masculine, with the ability to protect a woman, will always be and has always been, part of the animal kingdom. It doesn’t matter what stage of life you’re in, all women like to feel that her man is there to protect her and has her back. Often, as women, we look right back to the perception of how a woman is protected (like in fairy tales for example). So, we think of the big, tall, strong man who can protect us. But that’s not really what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a man who will protect a woman’s honour and heart and when a woman’s heart is given to him, he will protect it and treat it with the respect it deserves and that he will be chivalrous. This will also mean that the man will place his woman above other people and that he will treat her a little differently. When a man is being chivalrous towards a woman, he is doing things which make her feel that she is ranking high in his eyes, above everyone else.
To be chivalrous, may mean you open her car door,
We don’t need you to solve all of our problems either.
carry her heavy bags, introduce her to everyone as your
We want you to protect our honour, should the
partner or pull her chair out for her – there is no one
situation arise and of course, that’s what masculinity is
size fits all in the chivalry stakes. You have to be
about too, to have our back when the shit hits the fan in
authentic in your charms but don’t have the attitude
that it’s just not you. You don’t have to agree with us all of the time, but I remember walking into a café to buy my morning
sometimes when we are off rocking in the corner, we
coffee recently, and I had some really impossibly high
need to feel that you’re there and that you’re a man
shoes on! There was quite a big queue of people
who we can rely on to protect us - Thank God there are
waiting for their coffee, there was a guy sitting down
no dragons or wild beasts, at least you won’t need to
near me and without hesitation, he stood up and
offered me his chair. He wasn’t trying to pick me up (or maybe he was, who knows), but he simply said
Nevertheless, there are still things in life which require a
“Wow! They’re great shoes! They must be hard to
man to stand up and be a man and to be chivalrous, so
stand in, so have a seat”. That gentlemen, is being
let us appreciate that part of you, which we can’t get
chivalrous. Someone who offers you their seat, their
from our female counterparts.
carpark, or lets you go in front of them in the line is being chivalrous. When I was pregnant, men were so much more chivalrous towards me - I would often skip the queue or shopping would be carried to my car. Pregnancy is an interesting phase in your life… Women are so much more open to a man being chivalrous towards them (when they’re carrying someone else’s baby), because we know that they’re not trying to pick us up and they’re not trying to get anything from us, they’re actually just doing what a man is made to do – To protect a woman. So, what does a man who is masculine look like? Do you need to be 6’2 and a bodybuilder to be masculine? -No, you don’t. But we also don’t want you spending more Masculinity isn’t about your stature, it’s about your testosterone and the way you express yourself, and the way you look after your woman, so being protected doesn’t mean we need a man to be our bodyguard. - We can attend a self-defence class or buy some pepper spray!
HOW WE CAN HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU REALLY WANT So, you know what the other half really want, well now it’s time for us to tell you how we can help you get what you really want! Not only can we show you how to dramatically increase your chances of finding a long-term partner, we can help you personally identify your biggest challenges to meeting this person; as well as finding solutions to these challenges. Then the dating success you’ve always dreamed of, will be yours.
WHAT ARE YOUR DATING CHALLENGES? ∞
Are you being friend-zoned?
Are you trying to overcome infidelity?
Do you find it hard to get past the first date?
Are you over 40 and out of touch with the dating game?
Does your online profile send out the right message?
Are you finding it hard to connect in a playful manner, your dates feeling more like job interviews?
Does your personal style need a makeover?
Are you guilty of ghosting or being ghosted, not knowing how to end a date politely?
Our date coaches have years of experience when it comes to helping people find the right partner, a soul mate.
As part of the coaching service the coach will help you: ∞
Find out what the opposite sex really thinks about you
Learn how to ‘read’ body language to improve your dating experience
Discover what to wear for dating success
Learn the secret to effective flirting
Learn how to start a conversation with anyone, with confidence
Understand your own ‘sex appeal’, and how to communicate it
Get back out there in the dating scene with true self belief
Our coaches: ∞
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Did you love this eBook? Subscribe to the Dating Report today and look out for our next eBook ‘Where to go to meet Single People’, coming very soon! Any questions? Call us today on (08) 9344 2355 Or email email@example.com Connect with us on https://www.facebook.com/thedatingreport/ https://www.instagram.com/thedatingreport_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk-HWjcIKXrxiPN35pzejQ https://au.pinterest.com/thedatingreport_/
Copyright © 2017 by Louanne Ward / The Dating Report
All rights reserved. No part of this eBook may be reproduced without prior written permission from the author. The intent of the author is only to offer general advice to help you in your quest for love. In the event that you use any of the information in this eBook for yourself, the author and Louanne Ward Matchmaking assume no responsibility for your actions.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to thank all the people who helped me get this eBook together; - My wonderful staff at Louanne Ward Matchmaking. Amanda Harrigan and Sam Stawaski, at least you got some sleep eventually. - My Editor Sami Craven, of Craven Content who worked tirelessly day and night through sickness to make the deadlines. - My Marketing Manager, Kirsty Fitzpatrick who sees my vision and gets my humour. - Last but not least, this eBook would not have been possible, if it was not for all of the people who participated in my dating and relationship surveys over the past few months, and for all the clients who have allowed me to help them on their journeys to find love or coaching their way through the dating maze.