In Which Our Heroine is Enlightened about Piety, and Veneration, in her Journey to Iniquity
You would never know it from their dismal performance in the last world war, but Danes are actually quite accomplished pilots. Greta von Iomega was no exception, as evidenced by the nimble way she manoeuvred the vintage Russian Sikorski helicopter, between the massive 90 foot Italian marble columns that flanked the road connecting Perfidia's mansion to her private international airport which included a NASA sanctioned space shuttle launch platform (the rumour that freebasing cocaine – a skill that Christa McAuliffe had acquired at Perfidia's countdown party two nights before the launch – was, in fact, the real ignition source causing the explosion of the rocket booster attached to the shuttle killing all hands on board, could never be substantiated by the blue ribbon presidential commission, during their exhaustive investigation). Upon clearing the final pair of columns, Greta accelerated towards open skies, like a flight attendant to a man with a platinum card. Due to a misunderstanding, pertaining to the proper technique required for sodomizing a potbelly pig without compromising kosher standards, with one of her air traffic controllers, which ultimately led to a strike that soon included, the rest of her airport staff, Perfidia found herself forced to endure the humiliation involved with using a public airport to travel to her private island just south of Cuba, the exact location of which was only known by Perfidia's pilot who was at home on strike, a detail that would later become significant to Our Heroine. Perfidia and her entourage arrived at the airport, after a quick landing at the local trauma center. The delay had borne fruit as Bunny's stature was substantially improved, due largely to the unorthodox methods the trauma nurse was forced to employ. Bunny's stomach was forcibly pumped and then refilled with charcoal which she only drank after being told that it was the hot new trendy "Briquette Martini". Her drug induced seizures were corrected through the use a power cord from the IV pump and bedpan filled with an odd smelling greyish liquid. Bunny was afforded a prescription for an experimental antibiotic, which everyone currently in the confined space of the helicopter, prayed would eradicate the putrid fem-stench wafting from Bunny's loin. The doctor, who drew the short straw and had to perform Bunny's gynaecological exam (which made him cry uncontrollably) and would ultimately lead him to abandon medicine forever, assured them that despite the lack of FDA approval for use in humans and the fact that the medicine had to be handled with 3 foot metal tongs, he was confident the drug would help her condition.
The Travails of Young Perfidia, Chapter 6 Suddenly, the private helicopter swayed to and fro, our brave occupants valiantly adjusting their arms to save their cocktails â€“ the deafening roar of the straining engines drowned out only by the clatter of the clanking Lalique crystal goblets against each other, each time shedding their ornamental stem-cell, laboratory grown endangered species fetus designs. Perfidia would have shed a tear had she not been in a state of near sobriety caused by the impending doom she felt in her taught, yet smooth abdomen. She thought -- in what could be her final seconds -- to thank Grazielle for introducing her to the "Romanian Method" of using the placenta from unborn Pandas as a base to wax her otherwise fine, silken pubic hair and to tone and firm her "private parts." Our Young Heroine glimpsed Bunny though the rim of her cocktail goblet as she took what, she thought, was her last drink before dying and realized that Bunny had contorted herself so that she had actually laid a line of snuff on her own bosom and was furitatively sniffing at her own tit. "Und now, we must land! Heute!" Greta's voice rang in their ears as loudly as the yelps of the young, but virile and muscular farm hands they had "educated" when at le petit manse. And now, in an ironic twist, Bunny and Perfidia stared at each other with the same look of fright and confusion as those farm hands as Greta attempted to place her precious cargo down upon terra firma. Suddenlyâ€Ś