Page 21

C’EST LA VIE: THE MAGAZINE

ISSUE 2 - JANUARY 2016

sit in a crowded restaurant and my girl insists she can’t sit still for another minute, I pick her up and scurry off to the nearest restroom. Other times I prefer to hide, not wanting to venture out at all.

However, these growing pains won’t be the aches that come from stretching limbs; they come by way of a bruised ego and hurt pride. Before I ever considered having children, I thought I had myself figured out. I thought I knew my struggles, my weaknesses, and my strengths. And I thought I could put them all in the best light to make my glaring imperfections unnoticeable. In my mind, I had to have everything under control and have it all together -- or at least look like I did.

Each day, I find myself smiling through the fear of being judged and being perceived as exactly what I am: A first-time mom who has no idea what she’s doing, and worries about God’s call on her life as a parent.

Now, motherhood constantly reveals the murkiness in my thoughts. It exposes me.

A recovering “do-gooder” who gets mad at herself because she hasn’t figured out how to take control and “be good” at every aspect of the mothering thing.

Whether I’m frazzled, tired, or feeling insecure -- it shows.

A sinner who even on her best day needs God’s help.

In those moments, I feel weak and out of control, and I want to disappear. Many times I try. When loud screams come from the child in my shopping cart, I leave or duck into a lonely aisle, hoping no one spots me. When we

This is an ugly part of parenting: when God uses our children to reveal our unclean places and insecurities, and challenge us at every turn to show who we really are, keeping us humble. Some days, it’s easy to catch ourselves dwelling in the midst of that ugly, while comparing ourselves with others and complaining. But do we really want to stay there? I don’t think so. We have to learn to trust the work God is doing in us, truly feel our weaknesses, and acknowledge the fact that we are not in control.

THESE GROWING PAINS WON’T BE THE ACHES THAT COME FROM STRETCHING LIMBS; THEY COME BY WAY OF A BRUISED EGO AND HURT PRIDE.

It is there God shows us grace and helps us grow in the knowledge of His Ways. We also see the beauty of parenting as we realize we’re never really alone.

20

C'est La Vie: The Magazine | Issue 2 January 2016  

Serving as a virtual hostel, C'est La Vie: The Magazine seeks to serve as a place of refuge, a safe respite for fellow sojourners. Our commi...

C'est La Vie: The Magazine | Issue 2 January 2016  

Serving as a virtual hostel, C'est La Vie: The Magazine seeks to serve as a place of refuge, a safe respite for fellow sojourners. Our commi...

Advertisement