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O T SO ER E/ NI N G


T h r o ugh o ut t h i s pi c t ur e bo o k I am go i ng to be vi sually expl o r i ng th e g rey ar e a th a t we c al l “ r ea l it y � a wo rd wh i c h m any wo ul d de f i ne as wh at th ey see or f eel , I ai m to ma ke yo u ques ti o n wh et h er r ea l i t y i s r e l at i ve t o e ac h pe r so n, i n ef f ect wh eth er wh at you see is th e sa m e as wh at o th e r pe op le ar e se e i ng. I w i l l be l o o k i ng at h ow people’s br ains i nter pret th ings dif f e re nt ly, f or ex am pl e wh en so m e pe o pl e se e c o l o ur s di f f e r e nt ly t o oth er s.

I w i l l be r e se arc h i ng t h e vast m o m ents in wh ich peo pl es r eal i ty beco m es di st o r t ed , f o r exa m pl e ne ar de at h /l i f e expe r i e nc e s, i nsani t y, r eligi o us visions and dr ug-i nduced ha l l uc in at i o ns a l on g w it h why pe o pl e se e l o st l ove d o ne s and exper i ence th e par anor m al. I want yo u to be q ue st io ni ng whe th e r t h e se i nst anc e s ar e r e al ly h appe ni ng and i f not is i t r eal to th e per so n t ha t i s ex pe ri e nc i ng th e m .


R E A L N

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H A L LO U C I NAT I O N S Third

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Negative

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P A R A N O R M A L No D M

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P I N K SKIES B L U E SKIES


There are pink skies and there are blue skies. There are blue skies and there are pink skies. I see pink skies. you see blue skies. I see blue skies. you see pink skies. The light is the same but our brains interpret it differently. What your brain perceives as pink could be my blue, however colour is not just a colour. It is also everything that appears as that colour, for example blue is seen in the skies and at the sea. So when we see these colours our brain automatically links it to all the things we see it as in nature. Aren’t those clouds a beautiful blue?

Colours even have the power to manipulate our perception of time and space. Blue calms and red alarms. Blue slows time and red speeds it up. This was discovered when Neuro-scientist Beau Lotto conducted an experiment in which Volunteers were asked to stand in three different colour pods bathed in either blue, red or white light, Beau found that blue light made time pass more quickly and red seemed to slow it down. He said that “Red makes us highly aware of our environment and so time slows down in your mind,” After over thinking all of this and completely boggling my brain I decided to create some images based upon the concept of what if you could see a still image of what someone else is seeing in exactly the colours that they see it. I expected the results to be completely absurd and unnatural and I got just that, pink skies or are they blue?


I/

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JU

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AND/ S P E - E IT//

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S A / - N I T Y /


“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.” Carl Jung


” . u oy r o f m i h e r u c l l i w I d n a n a m e n a s a e m w o h S “ g n uJ lr a C -


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The woods is a dark and eerie place to be at the best of times, as a city dweller I feel like an unwelcome stranger on this untainted and sacred ground, I feel like a disease that this ancient body aims to flush out, the paranoia kicks in and the trees start to form faces around me, the faces begin to stare, some instinctive part of me is telling myself that they don’t want me here Murderer! Burner! They screech, the horrible sound of wood grinding against wood. Down turns to up in the shape of a diamond, I turn to run and trip over a gnarled root, I realize it was no accident and sprint away only to be blocked off by the trees. They’re moving now. Purposefully blocking my way. I try to outrun them but I’m blocked again they’ve formed a circle and they’re moving towards me. Slowly. Slowly. I can’t escape. Slowly. Slowly. They keep coming, I scramble up a trunk frantically aiming to pry myself free but I’m flung off, I have no choice but to brace myself to be crushed into oblivion, I curl myself up and cover my eyes, nothing happens. I open them again, slowly. Slowly. The trees have organized themselves into a seemingly endless pathway, there is nothing for me to do but follow. I tell myself that they are going to let me go but I know it’s not going to happen, they want me gone; they’re going to kill me. I follow the path for what seems like weeks but it could be minutes, my perception of time has become mushed up and fuzzy I can’t seem to decide whether things happened seconds or minutes ago, I sometimes see things in between the trees but I know they can’t hurt me. They are neither evil or Loving, they are neither happy nor sad I don’t even know if they’re alive or dead, they just are. The frames of my reckoning slip and I’m simultaneously walking down this path as well as facing the tree. Has my consciousness been split in half ? No that’s impossible. Or is it? I can’t seem to remember any more reality has become one big grey area. All I know is there’s this big tree and somehow it’s connected to all the others like one big consciousness with thousands of different perspectives. I’m completely taken by the urge to embrace this tree-mother, the instant I make contact I’m consumed and in that long drawn out second I see and feel everything that the forest does from all of its thousands of perspectives all at once, from the pain as my many limbs are sawn off for firewood to the beautiful tickle of the breeze as it ripples my leaves. Then complete darkness. I wake up on the floor of the forest just me again, the same in every way but one I’m no longer the stranger in a foreign land, I’m a guest.


TREE FACE


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“It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom, it´s what it is ok?. Keep that in mind at all times. Thank you!” -Bill Hicks

“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow .vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.”

“See, I think drugs have done some good things for us, I really do. And if you don’t believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a Favor: go home tonight and take all your albums, all your tapes, and all your cd’s and burn em’. ‘Cause you know what? The musicians who’ve made all that great music that’s enhanced your lives throughout the years... Rrrrrrrrrrrrreal fucking high on drugs.”


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So I took a tab, it was around two hours ago now and it’s taking effect. I have no idea why but I start to feel extremely apprehensive, I’m edgy, I turn to tell my friend and he tells me that he can’t tell if it is working for him yet I tell him I’m confused, simply and completely confused. This heavy unsettled feeling of falling is growing and growing, like I’m falling and falling into a complete loss of identity, my mind can’t come to grips with anything and I feel completely hopeless. Lost. Now my friend’s experiencing a similar feeling and I tell him we should go for a walk to clear our heads but he doesn’t want to, he tells me he needs to be alone and if it’s okay with me he’s going, I don’t want him to go whilst I feel like this but I’m forced to respect that it is his decision. My frames of consciousness slip and I can’t remember when he left, it could have been minutes or hours ago... But either way I’m alone now and this evil sense of hopelessness hasn’t left me I close my eyes and slow my breathing trying to get a hold of myself, but I just can’t find myself. I’m lost in my own consciousness and I no longer feel like me, all I know is a part of me is missing and I need to find it, but nothing is working in my head, I’ve even forgotten how to formulate words. Nothing seems real or relevant it is just there, I just move around doing and feeling absolutely nothing for what seems like days. At some point my eyes flick across a mirror and I notice that the whole room is reflected but I cannot see myself. My minds drawn inside the realm of this mirror so I explore it, everything is exactly the same as it was before I entered the mirror and time passes as it did before, but then something happens. I hear a voice that sounds awfully familiar. Like something lost in a distant foggy memory And it’s there again, it’s calling me and it’s behind this wall in front of me but I have no way of reaching it, it’s an impenetrable force that I have no way of getting past, but it’s still calling me and I am completely taken by it, I know that I need to find it. And then I remember. I have a direct link to the world around me. If I want to I can move this wall. It becomes smoky and pale as it moves slowly I connect my own consciousness with the wall and I open it, the bricks move aside as it starts to reveal something lost to me, but I can’t make it out yet, I crumble some of the bricks to get a better look and I see how the material just oozes into nothingness and then I see it. It’s this eye. This goddamn eye and I just can’t place it. I’m taken by the unholy feeling of being lost again. Time passes like before and it seems like years but with it comes the tranquillity and with that the complete realization. Realization of myself. Realization that every religion and every cult is the same and that through every single practice we are really just discovering ourselves and our own divinity, that we are everyone of us holy beings.


So I took a tab, I didn’t really believe in this kind of thing, the idea of discovering yourself through a chemical just seemed too fake, but I am actually starting to see things, I know they’re not real, well I tell myself that, the truth is I can’t really say what is or is not real at this point. My grasp of the world around me has become loose. I’m not too sure of what’s happening. There are translucent snakes crawling from all of the floor space, phantom snakes. I know they can’t hurt me but there is something unnerving about the way there scales reflect the light. In one twisted instant they start eating each other whole, at this point I am horrified. I see all of the gore as their sharp teeth pierce flesh and bone. They go at it in a vicious frenzy for what seems like days until there is only one left; he looks up at me and he smiles, a horrible knowing smile and an evil thing. He slithers himself into a large circle in the center of the room and to my own revulsion he starts to ingest his own tail. All of the light in the room is sucked into that unholy shape as everything suddenly becomes hopeless. I have no idea why but I feel completely distraught, something is wrong in this place but my brain can’t grasp what exactly it is. Crosses and mysterious symbols engraved themselves into the floor cutting a hole from which an ominous pedestal rose slowly holding an ancient looking leather bound book, suddenly I start to realize that this is real. I know that something evil is going to happen and I am going to be a part of it. The book opens itself to me, beckoning my curious eyes to gaze upon its secrets, I looked and my consciousness was stolen inside by horrifying tendrils. That’s when I saw him. It is an evil creature that devours all light or hope. Some kind of demon. It is full of hate and anger that emanates from him consuming the world in a black sense of hopelessness. His eyes are black holes that consume all light and peer right into the center of my being. He knows all of my secrets and all of my thoughts. Suddenly I become completely aware of all of my evil and I realize that I am a bad person, an evil person who lives solely to collect trinkets. I vicariously survive off the suffering of other beings. I am completely taken over by grief and the darkest of emotions. I realize that life is a hopeless journey with no meaning and no light. We are born to die. This sense of complete and utter hopelessness grows and grows until I just want it all to end. I want everything to stop. I want one huge explosion to destroy it all. I realize what I need to do, slowly I take the first step and I can feel the evil sense of determination lodged deep inside my being, I gaze out of the window of my flat down to the floor miles below. Surely a fall from this height would kill me. Surely it would end all of this suffering. I tell myself to stop, there but I can’t. He has control now. In one great motion he flings me and I crash through the glass. I fall for what seems like hours and I feel nothing but happiness. I’m euphoric because I know that it’s all going to end soon. All of this suffering and evil will be instantly forgotten. But then he appears in front of my vision, his evil face taunting me in a mocking grin and I know I have just handed him my soul, I’ve handed him myself for eternity and I will suffer this forever. I’ve taken the devil himself into my heart.


N O R M

A P A ?? R L A


I felt the easing sensation of my consciousness releasing itself from my body as I floated upwards, looking down at my broken vessel, which I was now completely separated from. Everything that happened before this moment had instantly been forgotten. My body was sprawled across the curb that I must of landed on, I could see that my neck was broken and believed that I was dead but I felt no pain, just complete calm and tranquility. It did not feel like I was being judged by god or transported to heaven, it was just a sensation of complete ease and euphoria, I was ascending and I literally had no fear or anger, there was no evil in the world and I just knew that everything was ok. Looking down at my body from this great height I noticed from a new perspective that the world was beautiful, it was made up of all of these amazing colours and shapes, everything seemed to have this purplish hue that gave it the effect of a beautiful dream and I did not seem to be experiencing time. I was just spiraling upwards and colours were dancing around me coming together to form this divine white light and There was this entity that told me I was ready, that it was my time to leave I cannot say that it was what we call god or that it was from any single religion but it did feel like a completely benevolent entity that meant me no harm what so ever. So I followed this feeling of euphoria as it completely took me over, I ascended higher and higher, the only way I can describe it is to say that I was flying. But then something happened.


There was a probing hole in my consciousness drawing my attention away, it emanated the only negative feeling in my world and it would not leave me alone. So I focused all of my conscious thought on it and tried to remember where this feeling of unease came from. That’s when I remembered. “I have a child... A son. I’m a mother and I cannot go now, I am a mother and my child needs me.” I decided that I was not leaving; I decided that I was going back. There was no resistance from the entity. This benevolent being completely understood and the euphoric feelings ebbed away until the only thing I felt was my consciousness easing itself back into my vessel, to my broken body and back to the world where my son needed me, I saw it all from simultaneous perspectives as I was rushed to the hospital and the doctors somehow fixed me, later on they would tell me that the chance of me actually surviving the operation was extremely slim but I made it. I woke up back inside my body and for a while it felt strangely alien to me. I told the doctor that saved my life about my experience, he seemed amazed and told me that I was not alone, that other patients have been through similar experiences after being completely unconscious for so long. A lot of people tell me that it was only my brain easing me into death, shutting itself down. I do not believe that’s true. I experienced it all completely and believe that it was real, if anything it was more real than any other experience. I broke my neck and I should have died. I did not.


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